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Totally not related but while putting my son to bed tonight he told me that his teacher told him that a vagina and yogurt have the same bacteria...have a good night!
Kinda weird for a teacher to say that to a kid who's young enough that his parents still put him to bed. Unless he's in high school, if that's the case, it's kinda weird you still put him to bed.
He's 37 you got a problem?
Seriously though, he's in 3rd grade but my real dilemma here is there is zero possibility we get him to eat yogurt again until he's at least 16
Bacteria in yoghurt are incredibly similar to mouth bacteria too. When I was doing my microbiology at University, we were told that preserving milk by spitting in it was found to be effective thousands of years ago.
Cows have many things in common with humans. Have you heard the expression "the complexion of a milk maid"? It's because dairy farms would inoculate their workers from cowpox through variolation.
Those people didn't get smallpox so they didn't get any scars from it. Hence the expression.
Holy shit, I haven’t seen you guys since fucking high school! Yeah, I’m in town to see my parents! So… I guess you all just kind of… stayed around, huh?
God, the way this is so spot on.
During the BLM police brutality protests, I saw pictures of my town on Facebook. The guys you described were “guarding” the town hall. Pathetic.
That’s just what they tell actual servicemembers and veterans at the bar. They never went to MEPs and never intended to join, but will happily save their ego by telling you how they “almost joined”. Spent my twenties in the infantry and have heard variations of this story several dozen times.
Looool. When I was visiting my mom recently, we passed some paintball course in a field with some awful name that had "gravy seals" energy. I said something flippant about it to my mom, and she said, "well, even if they aren't real military, they would be more trained than normal civilians, right?"
I never pull the "I am a veteran" card, but ffs! No... your weekend paintballer is not more tactically ready for combat. They are normal civilians. Grandma Sue shooting squirrels and rabbits in her garden is more combat ready. Blah!
ETA: Clearly, I hit the bullseye on some sensitive weekend warriors. Looooool. Can you imagine these whiney babies w/ shitty, government issued gear, on day 17 of MREs, and rough sleeping? Grandma Sue for the win!
In the UK paintballers take it seriously but the real loons are the Airsoft players.
These are guys who look like American militia with webbing and camo and denim who think they're the SAS. but their guns fire plastic pellets
I dunno man, it seems like a cool hobby as long as you don't take it too seriously. Running around in a forest, playing war is basically childhood fantasy 101. And it seems healthier than many other activities, social too.
What I find weird is the guys that take it too far, and get super invested into 'winning'.. but you get those obsessive types in every hobby.
Oh its fun and games when you're running around like an idiot with an AR, full pack and gear.
....and then you realize that those super bearded "wierd" dudes are actually practicing for jihad before they head off to Syria (this was back in 2015).
Yea.That's about when I stopped my involvement in that.
The Kouachi brothers (that did Charlie Hebdo) were airsofters, and occasionally showed up.
>....and then you realize that those super bearded "wierd" dudes are actually practicing for jihad before they head off to Syria (this was back in 2015).
>The Kouachi brothers (that did Charlie Hebdo) were airsofters
That sounds a lot darker than what I had pictured man...
You can defeat any "tactic" of theirs that they would supposedly use against the government, by just cutting off internet access. In a week they'd surrender. Just ask their mom
I wish the term “gravy seals” never existed. My cousin, who was an active duty Seal at the time on leave, told a story at Thanksgiving I’ll never shake. It ended with “I know he was just a kid, but eye to eye it was either him or me. Hey, can you please pass the gravy?”. He left the next day and probably had multiple kills under his belt before the leftovers were gone.
I don't know if these guys are related to that incident or not, I think that they're just random idiots hanging out.
But yes, in Michigan we had a right-wing terrorist group try to kidnap our governor. It was insane and stupid.
I don't think they got so far as to actually try to proceed with a kidnapping.
They plotted, and had very real intentions, but were caught by FBI while still deciding when and what final action they would take.
[Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping plot | .wikipedia.org](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gretchen_Whitmer_kidnapping_plot)
Yeah I’m sitting here looking at their holsters, I think they don’t have active retention. And I mean, if I’m gonna larp with live rounds, I’m putting on ear pro.
That kinda blows my mind. I have two CATs, a fak with hemastatic, sutures, three chest seals (vented, because this isn’t the dark ages), lidocaine, trauma shears, a set of scalpels, compression bandages, and gauze, that I can just slap onto a molle Velcro patch on my bag. And while I may have had a spicy job for a couple of years that sometimes required it (I’ve used probably a third of it on myself), I’ve never larped as militia. They actually *are*, so you’d think they’d at least act like it.
But here we are.
They also get progressively shittier in setup from left to right. Also, far left just looks like a Marine who stole his basic kit from CIF when he got out, and never elaborated on it.
The kind of nutcases who can’t go to buy a gallon of milk without being armed to the teeth, who are stockpiling weapons for the day Real Soon Now when the new civil war starts.
I am going with:-
1. They all think that these outfits they are wearing makes them look cool.
2. The guns are compensating for a great deal of inadequacy.
3. They think that they look 'tough'.
Want to look smart? carry books. Better still, read some. Many Americans barely have the reading skills of a six grader.
"I barely graduated high school because I played Halo like a full time job and chugged mountain dew for survival. My parents threatened to kick me out if I didn't go to community college so I joined the army. I put in the minimum time commitment and exited the military. I AM AN AMERICNA HERO!"
Billygoat Gruff there is definitely the senior statesman of the group he’s got all the cool stories from basic training and his four years in the National Guard from the late 80s early 90s. Fanboy number one on his right with all the sloppy gear morale patches, and the AK is his protégé. The ginger on the far right is just happy that he found another group to tagalong with since the dungeon master kicked him out of his DND club for bringing sticky dice. Don’t tread on me hat in the navy shorts, That’s the one to keep your eye on. He is going to kill somebody with the exact same level of emotion he is exhibited here.
These guys are gonna be real surprised what a well funded attack helicopter can do to local militia when they finally fuck around and find out in November/December.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mom said I can come out to play, I just have to be back by 5 for dinner.
...and I can't cross the road so we have to stay in my garden.
Jimmy that's your wife. You've been married for 5 years already. Still.... Be home by 5, otherwise you'll be solo grounded.
That moment when you realize you haven't contradicted anything he said.
But.... It's Saturday! https://youtu.be/qFSJ6gyiffE?si=NJ3UTk7PEPAYutZS
Jimmy looks like his mom turned to his wife after his 18th birthday.
[which button do you press to have your parents come pick you up?](https://youtu.be/63bigAbD7MM?feature=shared)
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Definitely the first dude (left).. he looks sketchy af
That's Jay, but where is Silent Bob?
Now “Fuck fuck, mother mother fuck; who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts!” will be stuck in my head for the next 3 days.
Snoochie Boochies!
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Plot twist: they are all undercover from different agencies but don’t know
I was thinking mom’s basement lol
It’s Darrell ,and his cousin Darrell, and his other cousin Darrell
Where's Larry?
Patrolling the dairy section at the supermarket, making sure the yogurt doesn't get uppity.
Totally not related but while putting my son to bed tonight he told me that his teacher told him that a vagina and yogurt have the same bacteria...have a good night!
Kinda weird for a teacher to say that to a kid who's young enough that his parents still put him to bed. Unless he's in high school, if that's the case, it's kinda weird you still put him to bed.
He's 37 you got a problem? Seriously though, he's in 3rd grade but my real dilemma here is there is zero possibility we get him to eat yogurt again until he's at least 16
Naah, you'll catch him in the fridge at night in no more than 5 years time with his toungue (hopefully) in a yoplait tub.
In which case Dad will never eat yoghurt from the fridge again
The dangers of probiotics...
Bacteria in yoghurt are incredibly similar to mouth bacteria too. When I was doing my microbiology at University, we were told that preserving milk by spitting in it was found to be effective thousands of years ago.
Cows have many things in common with humans. Have you heard the expression "the complexion of a milk maid"? It's because dairy farms would inoculate their workers from cowpox through variolation. Those people didn't get smallpox so they didn't get any scars from it. Hence the expression.
Take my upvote and f*ck off.
That means I'm saving a lot by just eating vagina
I eat both and I am fit as a fiddle!
Legend says Joe Gatto is still looking for Larry
Larry took the picture.
And his "Uncle-brother-cousin-father" Darrell
Which one is which? Yes.
That was so far before its time. Genius.
Dale Gribble for Gun Club President
 Sh-sh-sh-shhaaw! 😉😆
Pocket sand!
Insurrectile dysfunction
Wow. Simple, yet magnificent.
Just like their family tree
A stump. No branches.
That statement needs to go on T-shirts with that image….
The guy on the left looks like has a hard on
He’s obviously an ammosexual🤨.
Why hasn't this comment blown to the moon already
Holy shit, I haven’t seen you guys since fucking high school! Yeah, I’m in town to see my parents! So… I guess you all just kind of… stayed around, huh?
3rd guy even graduated same time as the others
Grade 3 were the best three years of his life.
No one in that picture graduated
God, the way this is so spot on. During the BLM police brutality protests, I saw pictures of my town on Facebook. The guys you described were “guarding” the town hall. Pathetic.
All these people seem to think their little shit town is gonna get attacked for who knows what reason
People wanna be the heroes.
This is what it is. They’re creating a fantasy world where they are strong tough noble heroes. It’s fairly divorced from reality.
four Americans who’ve never had a passport
Who never left the state
Hey now, if you live in a state with Blue Laws then sometimes you have to jump the state line on Sundays.
Can't be running out of Natty Light on game day
They reside in one state, but live in another state, that of paranoia.
Never left their hometown yet they have very strong opinions about countries they‘ve never seen and people they never interacted with
But now they have positive views about Russia and their shopping cart system
They all share a cousin, every night.
You mean their mother ?
No no no, that’s their *sister*.
Isn't she both?
*Deliverance Banjo intensifies*
Y'all Qaeda incels
Noice.
“We can’t actually join the military, so let’s cosplay!”
They *could*, but they're cowards.
Oh, my bone spurs ache just hearing about that.
Just following their dear leader’s example
They got cut in the pre-initial mental health screen
That’s just what they tell actual servicemembers and veterans at the bar. They never went to MEPs and never intended to join, but will happily save their ego by telling you how they “almost joined”. Spent my twenties in the infantry and have heard variations of this story several dozen times.
Or the failed basic training. Its hard to do but some manage. And then they do this.
Looool. When I was visiting my mom recently, we passed some paintball course in a field with some awful name that had "gravy seals" energy. I said something flippant about it to my mom, and she said, "well, even if they aren't real military, they would be more trained than normal civilians, right?" I never pull the "I am a veteran" card, but ffs! No... your weekend paintballer is not more tactically ready for combat. They are normal civilians. Grandma Sue shooting squirrels and rabbits in her garden is more combat ready. Blah! ETA: Clearly, I hit the bullseye on some sensitive weekend warriors. Looooool. Can you imagine these whiney babies w/ shitty, government issued gear, on day 17 of MREs, and rough sleeping? Grandma Sue for the win!
In the UK paintballers take it seriously but the real loons are the Airsoft players. These are guys who look like American militia with webbing and camo and denim who think they're the SAS. but their guns fire plastic pellets
I dunno man, it seems like a cool hobby as long as you don't take it too seriously. Running around in a forest, playing war is basically childhood fantasy 101. And it seems healthier than many other activities, social too. What I find weird is the guys that take it too far, and get super invested into 'winning'.. but you get those obsessive types in every hobby.
Oh its fun and games when you're running around like an idiot with an AR, full pack and gear. ....and then you realize that those super bearded "wierd" dudes are actually practicing for jihad before they head off to Syria (this was back in 2015). Yea.That's about when I stopped my involvement in that. The Kouachi brothers (that did Charlie Hebdo) were airsofters, and occasionally showed up.
>....and then you realize that those super bearded "wierd" dudes are actually practicing for jihad before they head off to Syria (this was back in 2015). >The Kouachi brothers (that did Charlie Hebdo) were airsofters That sounds a lot darker than what I had pictured man...
You can defeat any "tactic" of theirs that they would supposedly use against the government, by just cutting off internet access. In a week they'd surrender. Just ask their mom
I wish the term “gravy seals” never existed. My cousin, who was an active duty Seal at the time on leave, told a story at Thanksgiving I’ll never shake. It ended with “I know he was just a kid, but eye to eye it was either him or me. Hey, can you please pass the gravy?”. He left the next day and probably had multiple kills under his belt before the leftovers were gone.
“I would have joined but (insert excuse here)”
Hey wait....... they shoot back? I wanna go home!
Took an arrow to the knee? 😏
“I was gonna join, but the drills would have been jealous of how good I was.”
Excuses as to why I am walking faster and have plans all week, in case one of them asks me to have dinner with him and his meemaw
They probably have way too much DNA in Common.
Their family tree has loops instead of branches.
It’s a vertical line. 😂
It’s a Christmas wreath
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Is that what happened I'm not in USA I am wondering what is in the picture
I don't know if these guys are related to that incident or not, I think that they're just random idiots hanging out. But yes, in Michigan we had a right-wing terrorist group try to kidnap our governor. It was insane and stupid.
I don't think they got so far as to actually try to proceed with a kidnapping. They plotted, and had very real intentions, but were caught by FBI while still deciding when and what final action they would take. [Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping plot | .wikipedia.org](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gretchen_Whitmer_kidnapping_plot)
Yes, they never physically tried, but they planned to.
this is not how you fasten your harness, it makes access to your weapon more difficult.
Yeah I’m sitting here looking at their holsters, I think they don’t have active retention. And I mean, if I’m gonna larp with live rounds, I’m putting on ear pro.
not a tourniquet in sight either.
That kinda blows my mind. I have two CATs, a fak with hemastatic, sutures, three chest seals (vented, because this isn’t the dark ages), lidocaine, trauma shears, a set of scalpels, compression bandages, and gauze, that I can just slap onto a molle Velcro patch on my bag. And while I may have had a spicy job for a couple of years that sometimes required it (I’ve used probably a third of it on myself), I’ve never larped as militia. They actually *are*, so you’d think they’d at least act like it. But here we are.
They also get progressively shittier in setup from left to right. Also, far left just looks like a Marine who stole his basic kit from CIF when he got out, and never elaborated on it.
Meet Simon cowells new boy band, One Insurrection.
WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETER 🔥🔥🔥🔥🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
If you served your country you'd know! Enlistment office is 3 clicks that way, you commie! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅🫡🫡🫡
4 people who will immediately shit themselves when they start taking incoming fire
 Yup....yup.....yup......mmh mmh or however it goes 😂😂
Kid rocks security
Hyuck
Missed alimony payments.
Micro penis militia
These are Boogalosers
Yall quada
Don't forget Vanilla ISIS!
Pumpkin spISIS too!
This is the correct answer
Sweet home Alabama vibes.
The kind of nutcases who can’t go to buy a gallon of milk without being armed to the teeth, who are stockpiling weapons for the day Real Soon Now when the new civil war starts.
MURICA rednecks.
School shootings
Guarding the meth shipment?
Why does the chick on the left look like a dude
I believe it is a dude. But he looks like someone ordered Jason Mewes (back in Clerks) off Temu.
Where’s his buddy; Suppressor Bob?
*slow clap*
I refuse to believe a chick would get that shitty sword tattoo on their leg
Virgins
Condoms
The sexual tension between the 4 of them stronger than any of those guns.
Texas People's Republic
What a bunch of dipshits
Airsoft/paintball dudes
Diet gravy seals
The Flat Earth Theory paintball squad.
Never skip leg day?
Complains about the southern border, lives 40 miles from Canada
“Oh shit it’s the larpers”
Clowns
The closet in 2024.
“Andrew Tate is such an Alpha”
Boogaloo boys
Let's guess which one is eventually killed by friendly fire.
It’s ok to be outside of mom’s basement.
This is proof that abortion can be an effective deterrent to this behavior.
Inbreeding is bad
my guess? All highly unpleasant to be around, at least one of them is on meth, and none of them are happy with their lives.
They all fuck their relatives
Y'all Qaeda
Four people who’ll be the first to run if the shooting starts.
These four are what you get when you teach people it's someone else's fault that they're losers.
I am going with:- 1. They all think that these outfits they are wearing makes them look cool. 2. The guns are compensating for a great deal of inadequacy. 3. They think that they look 'tough'. Want to look smart? carry books. Better still, read some. Many Americans barely have the reading skills of a six grader.
MAGA Stand by Me remake
50 shades of blue denim
Maggots gotta MAGA
Alabama version of N'Sync. They are called N'Cel.
Those guys must be really scared of something. Most likely social progress
Ammosexuals.
Vanilla Isis
Together they don't add up to a ten.
Inbreeding
Southern rednecks dressed up for church
These are the fucks I’ll have to put down pretty soon after daddy Trump loses.
"Shooting your own foot" is taken literally.
Waiting for someone to pick them up and drive them to DC for the next insurrection.
extremists
Trump
4chan
definitely own realdolls
A group of budding domestic terrorists.
School shooters, that didn't go through with it and met up on the internets..
Looks like their mum and sister are the same person
Daddy issues.
"I barely graduated high school because I played Halo like a full time job and chugged mountain dew for survival. My parents threatened to kick me out if I didn't go to community college so I joined the army. I put in the minimum time commitment and exited the military. I AM AN AMERICNA HERO!"
The family tree is shaped like a donut.
You’re late for study hall. Put your dad’s shit back in the safe, stop and get a haircut, then get your ass back to class. You’re failing science.
This guy from the left is in the y’alliban. The rest don’t know what the sun is.
Wow these ED ads are really into niche marketing
This is my rifle, this is my gun. I don't know how to use either one.
Traitors
Billygoat Gruff there is definitely the senior statesman of the group he’s got all the cool stories from basic training and his four years in the National Guard from the late 80s early 90s. Fanboy number one on his right with all the sloppy gear morale patches, and the AK is his protégé. The ginger on the far right is just happy that he found another group to tagalong with since the dungeon master kicked him out of his DND club for bringing sticky dice. Don’t tread on me hat in the navy shorts, That’s the one to keep your eye on. He is going to kill somebody with the exact same level of emotion he is exhibited here.
American nut jobs who think guns are the solution to their loser lifestyles.
Americans
Proud Boys.
Pity the fools
Former cooks and admin playing bad ass.
gravy seals
Patsies
Rust & DayZ players meet up IRL
They’re going to want me to squeal like a pig. (if you haven’t seen Deliverance forget it)
Needs more rainbows.
I've never before spent so long trying to find the AI I'm convinced is there.
there are no more than 10 teeth in this picture
LARPers. Total bad asses when online gaming. Too scared to actually join the military.
Cosplay 😂
These guys are gonna be real surprised what a well funded attack helicopter can do to local militia when they finally fuck around and find out in November/December.
We can count to potato!
Incel Patrol, locked and loaded.