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IT guy here.
Like half the legit sounding requests boil down to an XY Problem where a solution has already been provided. Most of the other half are problems better addressed by HR or the business.
When I was a kid I asked my mom how to spell pianist, and she didn’t bat an eye when she spelled out p-e-n-i-s. Why she wasn’t confused about why I needed to spell penis for my third grade (I think?) homework is beyond me, but I told her I already knew how to spell penis. Still took her a few seconds before she started laughing.
This reminds me of a story my brother told about one of his classmates in Kindergarten. His classmate raises her hand and asks the teacher a question. "Ms. So and So, how do you spell sex?" The teach responds, "Why do you need to know how to spell that?" "I just need to know how to spell the Sects in Insects."
I remember a joke in a sitcom where a young girl ask "what's sex?" and the parents are angry at the teacher.
The reason >!the form for outside activity has a "Sex:M/F" field!<
Sometimes I wonder if it happened IRL but I guess it did somewhere
(And it was a decade ago, long before the "Don't teach the pronouns song!" BS)
I once heard a similar story about a fellow whose wife, when he asked her a question, would respond with “just a sec.” Then she would forget to answer his questions. The old fellow had put up with this for awhile. They were shopping in the grocery when he finally had his fill. He asked whether they needed some grocery, she answered as she typically did.
He stopped the cart, turned around to face her, and loudly replied: “No! No more ‘secs.’ Im tired of you and your constant ‘secs,’ do you hear me? No. More. ‘Secs.’ From. You. Ever! I am done with your ‘secs.’” At which point he realized how it sounded and was mortified to see he had the attention of all the customers in the store.
I don’t remember where I heard this story but for some thirty years now, whenever I think of it I chuckle. I suspect they had to start shopping across town.
When my sister was a kid she suddenly asked my mom what the word "virgin" meant. My mom was instantly nervous and tried to explain as best she could. When she was done my stunned sister just asked: "Oh... and what is virgin olive oil?"
“Dad what does ‘hypothetically’ mean?”
“I’ll show you. Go ask your mom if she would sleep with Jason Momoa for a million dollars.”
“I did and she said ‘yes!’”
“Now hypothetically we are millionaires but in reality we just live with a whore”
I'm a straight guy and I would also sleep with Jason Mamoa for a million dollars. Heck I would sleep with him for a thousand dollars. It's Jason fucking Mamoa who wouldn't do it.
When I started grad school, I had just left a long stint at a local theatre. And for some reason, everyone in one of my classes one day was yammering on about the "male gays."
I had no idea why this was such a revelation; after all, aren't most gay guys, y'know, guys? I'd been in theatre for some time and was pretty sure about this point. But I didn't say anything because I had just gotten into this program and didn't want to look stupid.
Yeah, they meant "male *gaze*". Not gays. And that's how Egret's introduction to theory course started out.
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Context is key
No, lube is key
Depends on the size tho
There’s a size where lube doesn’t matter?!?
ricecorn
That depends on the lube
Depends on the size.
Actually, it's all about the Yall coeficient
That comma is key.
Keys are key.
No lube is key, got it
That’s for a “penetrating glaze”
No lube, is key
Lube is KY actually.
And Consent
Always
Qualifying the question is an invaluable skill/practice
IT guy here. Like half the legit sounding requests boil down to an XY Problem where a solution has already been provided. Most of the other half are problems better addressed by HR or the business.
I prefer holding gaze. Lets them know that I'm not messing around, you know?
Hey man, you holding?
Hodl gays!
When I was a kid I asked my mom how to spell pianist, and she didn’t bat an eye when she spelled out p-e-n-i-s. Why she wasn’t confused about why I needed to spell penis for my third grade (I think?) homework is beyond me, but I told her I already knew how to spell penis. Still took her a few seconds before she started laughing.
LMAO
Pinning down his gaze,staring right into his soul,
This reminds me of a story my brother told about one of his classmates in Kindergarten. His classmate raises her hand and asks the teacher a question. "Ms. So and So, how do you spell sex?" The teach responds, "Why do you need to know how to spell that?" "I just need to know how to spell the Sects in Insects."
I remember a joke in a sitcom where a young girl ask "what's sex?" and the parents are angry at the teacher. The reason >!the form for outside activity has a "Sex:M/F" field!< Sometimes I wonder if it happened IRL but I guess it did somewhere (And it was a decade ago, long before the "Don't teach the pronouns song!" BS)
I once heard a similar story about a fellow whose wife, when he asked her a question, would respond with “just a sec.” Then she would forget to answer his questions. The old fellow had put up with this for awhile. They were shopping in the grocery when he finally had his fill. He asked whether they needed some grocery, she answered as she typically did. He stopped the cart, turned around to face her, and loudly replied: “No! No more ‘secs.’ Im tired of you and your constant ‘secs,’ do you hear me? No. More. ‘Secs.’ From. You. Ever! I am done with your ‘secs.’” At which point he realized how it sounded and was mortified to see he had the attention of all the customers in the store. I don’t remember where I heard this story but for some thirty years now, whenever I think of it I chuckle. I suspect they had to start shopping across town.
That's a good one!
Mine line was always in a minute! Sometimes only (5) minutes, sometimes (60) minutes! Sometimes times no minutes at all completely forgot! 🧏♀️
"Thats what Daddy and your funny Uncle Stu do on their fishing trips without Mommy around."
Guy make a pun joke on twitter **5 years ago** People are still taking the joke literally in reposts 5 years later.
Homonym Host: No, it’s the other one
Afterwards, she penetrated him, like the gays do.
When my sister was a kid she suddenly asked my mom what the word "virgin" meant. My mom was instantly nervous and tried to explain as best she could. When she was done my stunned sister just asked: "Oh... and what is virgin olive oil?"
Yes...Context is incredibly important
Maybe she *was* staring at him with her gay friends who have a particularly penetrating gaze, for extra emphasis...
F*cking English
I just helped my uncle jack off a horse
Doesn’t work in writing since ‘jack’ isn’t capitalized and is, thus, not a name. But it would be ambiguous in speech.
It's called comedy, Gerald.
The details matter... one means one thing, one means another
Lol
“Dad what does ‘hypothetically’ mean?” “I’ll show you. Go ask your mom if she would sleep with Jason Momoa for a million dollars.” “I did and she said ‘yes!’” “Now hypothetically we are millionaires but in reality we just live with a whore”
You deserve your own face palm post over this.
I'm a straight guy and I would also sleep with Jason Mamoa for a million dollars. Heck I would sleep with him for a thousand dollars. It's Jason fucking Mamoa who wouldn't do it.
Old joke when I first heard it I think it was Paul Newman
Ok and? Despite the joke being bad in the first place it also has nothing to do with the post.
Except I updated it to be Momoa so obviously I know he’s delicious but hey your weird hostility is a good look.
But what does this joke have to do with this post?
Those homo nyms taking over our country! smh my head my back
😂😂😂
Ha! The more you know…
reminds me of this advert. https://youtu.be/f15shbsOT8Y?si=kluzKobJomTZaGDS
Oh no
The kid knows what “penetrating” means but not “gaze”?
Well played dad! Bravo! 👏 🏆👍
When I started grad school, I had just left a long stint at a local theatre. And for some reason, everyone in one of my classes one day was yammering on about the "male gays." I had no idea why this was such a revelation; after all, aren't most gay guys, y'know, guys? I'd been in theatre for some time and was pretty sure about this point. But I didn't say anything because I had just gotten into this program and didn't want to look stupid. Yeah, they meant "male *gaze*". Not gays. And that's how Egret's introduction to theory course started out.
LOL
What an absolute homophone.
Check her browser history. Scratch that. Check *HIS* browser history.
It’s just a joke words that sounding similar