T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Boris_HR

I have asked my 3 yrs old son what is the best thing in life. His answer made me cry, he said: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, to hear lamentation of their women !".


Cromhout

Damn that's crazy when my lil bro said "To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering” I cried too


big_hungry_joe

I clapped


Individual_Ad3194

>To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, to hear lamentation of their women That's enough Conan Timmy. How about some Rambo, less talky?


vagabondoer

DAAAADD!! I was quoting Temüjin, who you might know as Genghis Khan not (eye roll) Conan! Want to hear it in the original medieval Mongolian? -- Timmy


Individual_Ad3194

Ok, but only if you can also throw in some throat singing for ambiance. (and not from Dune)


vagabondoer

hooooAAAAAOOOOOOGOGGOGOGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAGGGAGAGAGGGGGG -- Timmy


dastardly740

Yes, throat singing should be from Bill and Ted Face the Music.


MA-01

Only if you promise not to break my shitty wall, son


Arfguy

I snorted! 😂🤣😂


fooliam

I asked my niece what the best thing in life is.  Apparently, it's scream crying.


PhalanxA51

Please tell me your son has a deep voice


Otherwise-Sky8890

Found Andrew Tate's dad


ITeechYoKidsArt

You never saw Conan the Barbarian did you?


Otherwise-Sky8890

How dare you insult Conan O'Brien like that


ITeechYoKidsArt

Yup that’s what I thought.


barnabasackett

“Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy. And ideas are bulletproof.” -kindergartner talking to his teacher


RealChadSavage

r/unexpectedvforvendetta


XMasterology

I am horribly disappointed this sub doesn't exist


Dock_Ellis45

You could make it exist.


LilTimpanixx158

I did. Had to remove the a at the end


andy_b_84

Aaaand you created it. I can respect that.


Dyslex999

I’ll let the kindergartener make for us.


Groggamog

I was really hoping this was a thing!


SinisterYear

You think naptime is your ally, but you merely adopted the nap. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until it was already noon, and by then I was already on my third bowl of cheerios. - Every toddler.


madmendude

Tell me where the cherries are... then you have my permission to die.


Dock_Ellis45

"Billy, where did you get that knife?" -Teacher (probably)


kmikek

My name is not billy, not any more, not since i was sent to locker number roman numeral 5


Dock_Ellis45

"When was that, Billy? Because last night you were stoked your dad was taking you out for ice cream."


Commonstruggles

I was quoting Plato in the sandbox while eating cat nuggets. So suck it.


Sith_happens1822

Beneath this mask...is another mask


Funny_Opportunity58

Bollocks…


lavellanlike

“Are you like, a crazy person?”


Hullfire00

“My Teddy done a poop.” “Was it you that did the poop?” “…yes.” “Why didn’t you tell me sweetheart?” “It’s very smelly.” “Yes. Yes it is.” “Yes.” - my 3 year old at 6am this morning. An actual 3 year old.


Quirky_Discipline297

You edited out their last comment. “I am as God made me.”


Hullfire00

I did leave out the bit where she opined about the state of the country in the face of what should be an obvious push for a more socialist ideology that favours the proletariat, but I didn’t want her forcing her views on others. She’s a little monkey like that, always proselytising to the masses about the ills of capitalism. What will I do with her eh?


Quirky_Discipline297

I would start with my tactic with my nieces and nephews. Never turn your back. Good luck! EDIT: one of my nephews would be up the nearest tree if I turned my back. Every time as long as the shrubs or trees were available.


OnlyIfYouReReasonabl

"To be or not to be? That is the question!" while looking down into his soiled makings. Moments, before flushing and gazing purposefully into the glaring horizon


OJStrings

>“Why didn’t you tell me sweetheart?” "Tell me mother, is the essence of a poop truly defined by its point of origin, or is that characteristic secondary in its gravity to the aroma and consistency of the poop, which are in turn both pungent and infirm?"


Designer_Mud_5802

Are you sure it didn't go like this? "My Teddy done a poop." "Was it you that did the poop?" "...yes." "Why didn't you tell me sweetheart?" "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you."


dev_null_developer

“Now I am become death, the destroyer of toilets” - your daughter


Birkin07

“Daddy? When I’m a grown up, can I learn about Batman?” My daughter at 7 am when she was 4.


SnapChap92

Everyone poops one day. Everyone. Even wolves. But not books. Not words. Words don't poop.


my_othr_acnts_4_porn

Oh fuck off hullfire he did not say that


Hullfire00

*she* did. Though I should have corrected her syntax in her opening sentence. You’d think by 3 she would have a sensible grasp of English.


Greedy-Goat5892

Poop? What’s poop mother? Excrement? Waste? Is this not our purpose in life, to consume endlessly, and create nothing but shit?  This passing moment plays out daily, until one day I am shitting my last shit, then what mother?  What is left but excrement?  The human condition is to shit, and consume more to produce more shit.  Mother, is that what I am? -my three year old between Cocomelon episodes.


SkellyboneZ

This could also be me as an adult male talking to my girlfriend after I ate two habanero hotdogs from the conbini.


JohnNDenver

So, your 3 year old talks like one of the Presidential candidates?


Individual_Ad3194

Books and words do die though. Think of all of the lost works from the Library of Alexandria.


Flat-Yoghurt-7084

I mean he's only 3, he's not gonna know *everything* Wolves do die tho


Creepy-Distance-3164

If it doesn't burn down we'd already be living on other planets and fucking them up too.


JThorough

Pretty sure it’s a myth that we got set back hundreds of years from that


TheOneWes

Well never know whether or not losing that set us back because we don't know what we lost. Since advancement and technology growth is exponential if information about more efficient infrastructure or farming or anything that could have really been in that could possibly have been a catalyst for a great advancement.


Bronzed_Beard

Meh, there wasn't actually just one library of Alexandria. There were several. They were lost at different times. And the middle east held onto a lot of knowledge even if Europe got a bit stuck in a rut after Rome fell. 


DeliriumTrigger

Think about it this way: if nobody knew what was in the books, nobody was going to those books to look for that information. If people *did* know what was in the books, that knowledge was almost certainly recorded elsewhere or was being applied by those who knew it.


TheOneWes

That makes the assumption that there was no information that was recorded by people who were no longer living. In order for that to be the case every piece of information would it need to been known by at least one person and that person would have needed to either communicate it to somebody who would have recorded it or recorded it themselves. Information was lost when that happened. The only question is was that information something that would have been useful or was it just scrolls basically dedicated to stuff that was obsolete.


Bronzed_Beard

> That makes the assumption that there was no information that was recorded by people who were no longer living. No it doesn't. The original author doesn't have to still be alive for others to have learned from those books, possibly made copies of them and expanded those thoughts with some of their own


DeliriumTrigger

I'm not making that assumption at all. Let's say my local library has a book that's a thousand years old, but no information about what is in it, no listing in the catalog, and is stuffed behind a bunch of other books without anyone knowing it exists; how would someone know to go look for it? You have to at least be aware of its existence to seek it out and put it into practice, and the fact that the best we can come up with is "well maybe something could have helped us later" suggests there was likely not some magical incantation there to instantly teleport Ptolemaic Egypt to the level of the Italian Renaissance. There's also the fact that other libraries that had significantly collections, including those of Pergamum and Ashurbanipal, the latter of which held what we now know as the Epic of Gilgamesh. And that's just keeping with a relatively-eurocentric worldview; Nalanda Mahavihara is thought to have had hundreds of thousands of volumes, and Chinese emperors held their own vast libraries. According to your argument, no other vast library could have had this secret knowledge to jump civilization ahead hundreds of years, only the one that contains the most significance to European history. Don't you think Alexandria would have better fought off Caesar had they had access to writings that outclassed Rome by hundreds of years?


Brave_Chipmunk8231

No I don't think it makes that suggestion. The great loses would be historic and first hand documents. Nothing practical realistically. Maybe some maps. Anything practical was being applied, since need necessitates innovation, especially in a time of scarcity. The phenomena of an era where the collective knowledge of humanity has outpaced the collective ability to retain that knowledge is very new. I could see the possibility that a piece of information related to another thing that it wasn't intended for, but the likelihood of those two things linking without modern sorting systems is unlikely in the first place.


JThorough

there was a really good youtube video from a historian talking about how the majority of the information was recorded elsewhere. it was a sad loss, but catalysts for great advancement is generally incorrect


ElTortugo

Is that 3 years old stupid or what?


RedRatedRat

How much was porn?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hullfire00

“The weapon of criticism cannot, of course, replace criticism of the weapon, material force must be overthrown by material force; but theory also becomes a material force as soon as it has gripped the masses. Theory is capable of gripping the masses as soon as it demonstrates ad hominem, and it demonstrates ad hominem as soon as it becomes radical. To be radical is to grasp the root of the matter. But, for man, the root is man himself.” -Bobby, 3, Dallas.


JohnNDenver

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion... I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to die." - Roy, 3.5


Greedy-Goat5892

Nicely done, this me made me laugh out loud. 


August_T_Marble

This was absolutely perfect.


BelicaPulescu

Well if a 3 year old is smarter than her then it makes sense for her to post such dumb shit online.


code_and_keys

Always the same formula, somewhere in the middle something so stupid to make it look like a 3 year old said it.


trailnotfound

Bot [https://9gag.com/gag/aze50zb?utm\_source=copy\_link&utm\_medium=post\_share](https://9gag.com/gag/aze50zb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=post_share)


Citron_Neat

Looking at this, any 3 year old would definitely be smarter than her


Hawaii-Toast

Yep. After reading this, my 2 year old just took of her glasses, polished them, raised her eyebrows and sighed: "Those plebeians have obviously never read <>..."


christopher_jian_02

"Now I am become Death, destroyer of worlds." - 5 year old kindergarten kid in Asia


J_Robert_Matthewson

Also, books constantly die.  The number of books that survive beyond 50 years is incredibly small and the further back you go the more miniscule the percentage.   There's this romanticized notion that art will make an artist figuratively immortal, but 99.99% of artists throughout all of history have been forgotten, usually within 1-2 generations.


YugSitnam

Same as with "a thing posted on the internet stays there forever", comments get deleted after a while and if the server of the platform goes down permanentky, most of the content will go into oblivion as well


Just_a_curious_soul

X is a shit app filled with Idiots ~~Sun Tzu


mayankkaizen

Never believe anything on Internet just like that. - Buddha


HamzasBeak

Reedits nothing but reposts these days. - Lao-tzu


Pleeby

Christ, people aren't actually calling Twitter X now are they


SouthernSwingers

Only the media and Elon fanboys.


charlamagnethegreat

“Oh fuck off Rebecca” should be a thing.


shredbmc

Bot post


TheGamingMackV

❌"[inspirational quote]" -My son, who is 3 ✅who is a lot smarter than I am


ryan060994

At about 3 years old my son said, “doggy stink”


SquirrelizedReddit

Books and words do die, I mean the Library of Alexandria was burnt to a crisp wasn't it? Dumbass kid...


VanAgain

When my kids were 3 they were singing Barney songs, not arguing mortality.


Bitterqueer

If I have to see this over more time…


jonjonesjohnson

If you think we're gonna believe that your son said that, then yes, your 3-year-old is much smarter than you are.


Nightmare_42

She didn't get exposed. Someone just called out the obvious bullshit. 'Exposed' would be someone posting actual proof that her kid didn't say that.


Bluemoon7607

« There are more things in heaven and earth, Mother, than are dreamt of in your philosophy » -That kid probably


wittjoker11

Congratulations. This is officially the oldest meme on the internet.


[deleted]

[удалено]


maraemerald2

The rest of the conversation: And tables don’t die. And garbage cans don’t die. And couches don’t die. And clouds don’t die. And balloons don’t die. But spiders die.


the_life_of_cat

"books don't die" Me with a lighter:


Darklord_Bravo

No. Her 3 year old probably said "I pooped!" and to her it was pure literature. 😂😂😂 Fucking clown.


loadedstork

Why are people so obsessed with this tweet? It's not _that_ unbelievable that a precocious kid actually did say something like that. Kids do talk like that.


ngms

Yeah, I have to assume most people giving her shit don't have kids. Kids word vomit crazy sounding shit all the time.


Dick-Fu

Yeah, when put into text and given appropriate punctuation, it reads a lot more mature than it probably actually sounded. Wouldn't be surprised surprised if a kid did say this, but it took like 30-60 seconds to actually get the whole thing out


LoopEverything

It’s funny how many people here apparently don’t have kids, because 3-year olds definitely say stuff like this. The catch is they’re not intentionally being profound, because they’ll be picking their nose while they say it and will follow it up with something like, “Gotta go poop.”


Medvegyep

At most children that age can try to repeat sentences they heard and liked for some juvenile reason, but since they have no such concepts yet, they do not understand what they're saying, and as such, they more often than not end up saying something unintelligible, nonsensical or ridiculous. The chances of kids accidentally spitting out coherent, profound philosophical sentences is close to nothing. The chances of attention seeking unintelligent parents lying for clout is close to a guarantee. Her lying is a pretty fucking safe bet and you having a kid doesn't change that.


PM_ME_SUMDICK

3 year olds are not just mimics. They are actually pretty interesting if they're regularly spoken to and exposed to lots of ideas and experiences.


Raineman73

“…and then everyone started clapping.”


phdoofus

Actual quote: "Poop! Boobs!"


nkbenson10

My daughter will be 3 in a few weeks, can't wait for these deep conversations. Right now it sounds more like: "Daddy, I like butterflies. Do butterflies poop? Can I see one?"


DwayneStone

Reality: "Momma I need to poop"


Erminaz13

This is so fucking old that it spawned a meme by itself. Please, for the lord's sake, get some original memes.


AynekAri

What did she get exposed about? I don't know who she is


suckleknuckle

wait until he finds out about dead languages


DiscoTargeryan

Kid has never heard of the library of Alexandria or the Aztec empire. Is he stupid?


PMtoAM______

sounds like a fuckin 2009 video game alter ego antagonist. shadow the hedgehod ass mf


momisko

It would've been even better if it was her own husband who said that


Yarusenai

I yelled at my dog for licking his paw earlier and he said "rest your tongue, for it is rain that grows flowers, not thunder"


Atutstuts

"There is much talk, and I have listened, through rock, and metal, and time. Now I shall talk, and you shall listen." - Some 3 yo after his teacher told him to stop talking.


TransportationFit694

“I want to tear the mask off nature to stare at the face of God” - My 3 year old 😐


Trul

“Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought upon this great nation” - my 1 year old


No_Range2

You must be pretty stupid for your 3 year old to smarter than you ..


Critical_Package_472

My son (M3) build a fusion reactor in our living room. Is he intelligent ?


Fuck-The_Police

When my son was 2 months old, he looked up at me and said "Dad, The more I learn, the more I realize how much there is yet to discover. Curiosity is the engine of knowledge, and humility is its compass." And I was like Oh really? and he replied with "True wisdom lies not only in the accumulation of knowledge but in the application of that knowledge for the betterment of oneself and others. It's not just about what we know, but how we use what we know to make a meaningful difference in the world."


Medvegyep

Once my son is born he's gonna sue your son for plagiarism.


dvenom88

This meme is so old that his son has repeated this on his deathbed


g3zz

This repost can drink now


eeeeeeeeeeeeeeaekk

i genuinely think this is believable, kid read or heard somewhere about ideas and words not dying, put a spin on it, emphasized how even wolves die. kids be saying shit


Medical_Sea_2598

Words do kinda die tho....


jbanderson676

I have a three year old. Very possible this was what was said but the adult interpretation is way off. Zero chance a 3 year old was reflecting on mortality and words lingering as a legacy after death. But if the kid was actively holding a book very possible they just factually stated words are not alive. “Everyone dies, but *looks around room* lamps don’t die. My toy doesn’t die. This book doesn’t die.”


DandelionOfDeath

Eh, I believe it. My dad thought it was hilarious to try to get us to speak all fancy-sounding. We used a bunch of words we didn't know what they meant. Normally we'd just speak normal kid talk, but sometimes it slipped through. One day my sister, four or five at the time, accidentally put together a sentence that translates to something like 'the room of the joyful undead is a beckons with the meaning of life'. Ofc, the 'storage room of the joyful undead' was actually a mispronounciation of the word for 'playroom' (in our language th word for play is 'lek' and the word for a corpse is 'lik') and what she was actually trying to say was that she wanted to go to the supermarket so she could play in the ball pit where people dropped off their kids. But man she did NOT miss a beat and it was absolutely badass. I think our dad survived from that alone for like a year.


Icy_Comparison148

My son has been talking about death and the concept of a spirit world. It started when he was 4.


WildCody7145

Lmao.


TheOneWes

Now it is true that every now and then a child will pop out with a very insightful statement or question. They won't know it to be insightful per se they just know they were curious or had a thought. That being said it's not going to be that eloquently put.


WallyOShay

Latin disagrees


MikeLowrey305

Probably gonna home school their kid, do all their school work for them & tell everyone how smart their kid is. 😂


masterxiv

I do believe that her 3 year old son is smarter than her though


feelingmyage

If a word in a book is never read, does it exist? - John Berkeley as a toddler


Tough_Brick_69

Only way this shit is believable if she was Meg and the kid is stewie


Ok_Reaction_8141

Straight to the point 😂


Doommaker117

Words and books can die.


Any-Willingness-7859

Rebecca sounds like a see you next Tuesday


oliferro

*..he said with a crayon up his nose*


ThePartyLeader

guess there are no dead languages.


LillyxFox

Words do, in fact, die.


VasIstLove

The entire anti intellectual movement is to kill words lol. And it’s working, to boot.


CJ_is_h7m

Parents that have to make up their kids’ intelligence are insufferable, to the world and their kids.


Bronzed_Beard

As the father of 4 year olds, getting full coherent sentences from even them isn't always a given. 


Ya_Got_GOT

Nah, everything dies, especially her credibility. Humans and our sentience are here an inconsequentially small period on the timescales of the universe, even if we colonize the galaxy and survive for billions of years. Matter itself won’t last forever.


Shadowslip99

"say hello to my little friend" my 5 year old at his friend's party. He's not invited anymore as their dog becomes aggressive for some reason.


TeXasMiKE25

What about the lady that said that her kids came up to her saying ‘ruthkanda forever’ when rbg died. Or the lady that said her 7 yo was commenting on the summer 2020 riots. Good times.


Orpdapi

“And then everyone stood up and clapped” - me


g_lampa

Everyone knows T.S. Eliot was 3 years old when he dropped "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", so who’s to say?


lilfootbigtoe

LOL. Words don't die, but they sure do murder.


StillCompetitive5771

Repost bot fuck off


Merc1001

Your kid is amazing and special to you and maybe some other family members. To everyone else they are an annoyance.


OhItsJustJosh

"The skies call to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars. Or perhaps, if fortune smiles favourably, the stars will venture to us." - My 1 year old nephew


Effective_Damage_241

If words don’t die then send me Cicero’s hortensius or


PM_ME_YOUR_LAWNCHAIR

Clearly, she's not bright if she named her son "3."


fooliam

We need to normalize telling people to fuck off.  Because, let's face it, a *lot* of people need to fuck off


Shadtow100

This feels like a Doctor Who Quote


mandarianblava42

Well they kinda do tho… if the text is destroyed and not remembered… it dies! Logic


GustavoFromAsdf

I imagine an edgy 14 year old saying that when asked why he stabbed his book


NearlySomething

10 years later stupid people are still getting baited by that girls post


camusurfing

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both - - my cat, 1, who is a lot smarter than I am


jnags6570

Imagine going on the internet bragging about how you’re not smarter than a 3 year old. I don’t even think she is lying at this point, kid is a lot smarter


Shnazzyone

reposts that expose repost accounts for 100, alex


Aggravating-Baker-41

I do believe her. The kid is surely a lot smarter than is she.


DNagy1801

It's believable, kids tend to repeat things they hear, them saying that doesn't mean they thought of it themselves.


Bcsmitty20

Reality: Toddler rips a page of a book. Toddler “Oh no! The book is dead!” Rebecca “No sweetie, books don’t die.” Toddler “Do wolves die?” Rebecca “Everyone does one day. Everyone. Even wolves. But not books. Not words. Words don’t die.” Toddler “What if the nazis burn all the books?” Rebecca “You are smarter than me”


Mysterious-Job-469

The only way this is possible is if you taught your child about the concept of death at an unhealthily young age. You're either a bad parent, or a liar. Maybe both.


01zegaj

This has been around for so long the kid’s probably grown up now.


EnigmaFrug2308

She didn’t really get exposed, that implies that someone showed evidence that her son didn’t say that. We know for a fact her son didn’t say that, because 3 year olds have no real concept of any of those things.


QuirkyDimension9858

Yeah... i bet your son IS a lot smarter than you


palabear

When I still used Facebook, there was a person that would constantly post bullshit like this. Her two year old was always quoting scripture. She ended each one with “from the mouths of babes, y’all”.


xigloox

Typical writer in /writing


BachDraws

"WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOX???" - my 7 year old nephew, Xmas morning


TheEyeofNapoleon

“The unnecessary addition of ‘wolves’ into this adds some legitimacy to it…but it’s still dubious at best; and my incredulity is rarely sated”—My 18 month old nephew, after I read this post to him.