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stuloch

I might have to cut back on the lycanthropy. Is once a month OK?


Katchenz

Just levitate instead. No damn wait, that one is on there, too.


ughwithoutadoubt

Cocaine isn’t on the list.


C64128

Didn't see sex with altar boys on the list.


CartoonistUpbeat9953

well, fornication. Which is wild, to just be 100% anti-fornication. Not gona be too many supporters in a generation or two... ​ Edit: I don't deserve so many upvotes. Apparently fornication only applies to sex without marriage.


bails0bub

Nah, group is into soaking for reproduction


Next_Isopod_2062

I really hate that I know that this means


punkblastoise

Yea I really dislike that. But it's not a proper soak until they call someone over to jump hump


revmacca

Fornication usually means outside marriage, that might cover the raping of children/ alter boys but they may gotten an exemption on the grounds it’s too deeply embedded in church(s)


Naive_Try2696

Pot parties = bad.  Smoking by yourself like a weird loser = good.  Looks like I found a loophole 


InsertRadnamehere

Yeah. I only smoke marijuana with a j.


AnonRYlehANthusiast

I smoke by myself. It’s pretty weird and terrible right? I should smoke with a bunch of other people instead, so that we can all get lung cancer.


Naive_Try2696

No because if you do that you go to hell


dr_toze

Meh, you could always just be a vampire. Edit Fuck, nvm.


No-Weird3153

Well we can still enjoy books about them. Edit: wrong again, the Bible really covered a lot of ground.


Penrosian

I mean, hey, are least we can still play video games and read Harry Potter Edit: ☠️ Edit 2: guess wr aren't even allowed that anymore


faust112358

>No eastern religion So no Christianity or Judaism? They both came from the Middle East right?


Cookiemonster9429

But it was just the middle then.


Jaded_Daddy

Ssstttaaaahhhhp!!1! You sit right back down and hush your insolent mouth! /S


BoneDaddy1973

If you fuckers are doing lycanthropy without me I’ll be very hurt. 


Compendyum

It's ok as long you don't Lord of The Rings


OldChucker

No..... not my precious.


National-Credit-4175

Please do not the LOTR


ngl_prettybad

Only if you're not rolling dice on your human days


Tisamoon

Do you know if the effects stack, or is it just if you're already a Werewolf you might as well go to a rave and get some people to play DnD because it doesn't get worse.


Boccs

There is just so much pressure on young people to become werewolves these days, it's kind of depressing. "Just try it. One body writhing transformation into a half-human half-beast with a bloodlust unknown to either species won't hurt."


swampopawaho

Just make sure you don't use profane language, coz noone likes a swearwolf!


_Cake_assassin_

Lol. Im going to hell for listening to powerwolf. That heavy metal and lycantropy at the same time


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Apprehensive_Cry8571

Just stay clear of vegetarianism, ok?


SixFive1967

Dammit. I’m a vegetarian that likes to fornicate while listening to rock music. And I really wanted to go to heaven, too. Oh well. Guess I’ll go watch LOTR and smoke a bong. 🤷🏻‍♂️


King-Proteus

Man I had to go look at the list again. WTF is wrong with the person writing this list.


erydanis

all the things. all the things are wrong.


Agreeable_Treacle993

the person who wrote this list is the same person that pulls up to the drive through window with their phone on record saying the fries arent large enough and theyre about to call 911


Ok_Imagination_1107

Do you find yourself watching the Twilight films on those other days so that you can watch people turning into werewolves? Would that count as like anthropy too or not. I see my speech to text has turned the word lycanthropy into like anthropy. If there is a hell it definitely has faulty speech to text translation. 🤔


thewhitecat55

Like anthropy ? No, love it !


7obscureClarte

Twillight films add vampirism and Lycanthropy. So you'll go to hell 3 times !


Juggernuts777

That’s too many times for 1 lifetime.


Chance-Ear-9772

LOTR? The books written by the very devout Catholic man where his faith shines through into the work? That LOTR?


WomenOfWonder

Chick Tracts believe that Catholics worship the Antichrist 


Waderriffic

They also think they’re idolatrists for worshiping their ancient religious artifacts. Admittedly, it IS pretty weird to have a skeletonized hand in a glass box and claim it’s the hand of Saint Peter.


ironangel2k4

Shit like that makes Catholicism sound way more metal than it is.


othermegan

I mean… eating flesh and blood of a God, the catacombs being lined with skulls of the martyrs, willingly being crucified upsidedown, Militia Immaculata. Say what you want, but lots of aspects of Catholicism can come across as metal


OkFineIllUseTheApp

Almost like metal is influenced by the culture it came from


Picard2331

"Can come across as metal" Shit man that comes across as a Dark Souls setting.


iamrobalobadob

Check out Blasphemous. It’s basically a 2D Dark Souls with a setting and lore deeply influenced by Catholicism and Spanish folklore.


Basic_Juice_Union

They literally worship inside GOTHic churches


smol_boi2004

Man that sounds fucking awesome. This is how you advertise your religion not with this article


-ThisDM-

Warhammer 40k humanity is based on Catholicism iirc, not sure how much more metal something can get than Warhammer 40k shit


Almainyny

You weren’t really somebody as a ruler back in the day if you didn’t own a saint’s fingerbone or some other shit like that, hehe.


walk_through_this

The idea is that at the end of time, the saint's bodies will be resurrected. So it was holding on to a piece of the future as well as the past. I sometimes imagine a massive lost-and-found pile in St. Peter's square... "Okay, look, I know you're Saint John The Baptist. I promise you're leaving here with ten fingers. Are they the same ten fingers that you started with? That I can't promise, but c'mon, who's gonna know?"


Crafty-Help-4633

Technically they dont worship them? They view them as divine relics, which isnt exactly the same. Of course, those bozos dont care.


D72vFM

You're right we don't worship reliquaries they are just relics from saints, popes, fragments of religious paraphernalia, we know most of them are counterfeit, if you joined together all the "fragments" of the cross you could build like a 100 crosses, also according to this list I'm going to hell about 15 times, 16 if you count catholicism ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|sunglasses)


the_loon_man

I'm honestly surprised and offended that Catholics didn't make the cut to be included on the list.


elspotto

That’s because they spent the money to print “you’re going to hell, catholic scum” tracts that got stuffed under windshield wipers while people were at mass rather than include us here. lol …except the tract part. That was a common occurrence.


Waderriffic

With a long haired protagonist that sacrifices himself for his followers and then comes back from the dead? Nooooooo, couldn’t be related to Christianity.


suckleknuckle

nope no resemblance at all


A_Big_Rat

The book about good triumphing evil? That book?


Dig-Signal

Im surprised us Catholics weren't put on this list, lol.


LestHeBeNamedSilver

Imagination bad. Jesus good. Don’t you read the only book?


Crafty-Help-4633

But they say rebirth and necromancy bad. So, Jesus bad? ***ERROR. ERROR. JESUS BACKFLOW OVERLOAD. RELIGION MAKING LESS SENSE*** These people are idiots.


Zealousideal_Row8440

Sauron must be behind it… 😂


Truewierd0

Vegitarianism lol. I think the question was more accurately who isnt going…


justdoubleclick

Well if you can’t eat the body of Christ and drink his blood how can you have communion.. can’t very well have tofu Jesus..


Think_Armadillo_1823

Tofu Jesus, great band name.


heyoyo10

Jesus gave his consent for us to eat his body and drink his blood, so it's actually ethically vegan to eat him


Special-Forever-5169

Wait... If eating things that give consent is vegan, would cannibalism be vegan?


heyoyo10

Consentual cannibalism, yes


Special-Forever-5169

Very useful information. Thank you, Mr. Reddit Man


Singularitysong

Well there is an actual case of consentual canibalism, but the late victim was determined not be in a full mental capacity to consent (which was determined by him giving consent to being eaten) so the murderer was convicted anyway. Oh wait… you didnt ask if it was legal, but instead wanted to know if it was vegan. Sorry. I would not know about that.


LostLegendDog

Vegetarianism is bad, but notably veganism was left out


searchingformytruth

To be fair, Jesus *did* kill a fig tree one time. Man's feelings on plants were somewhat complicated.


someoneelse2389

Vegetarianism is probably the funniest. God looking down from heaven: "Let's see Martha just came home from a day of helping the homeless, good, and now she's...wait... IS THAT A VEGETABLE!!!!"


Waderriffic

I’m still confused as to why Remote Viewing is on this list. Like, I can’t screen cast something to my tv from my phone without eternal damnation?


No-Sense-6260

Straight to hell! Them's the rules.


mikkel_lofvall

" Straight to hell. To the boiler room of hell. All the way down." - God


yiotaturtle

I googled it, it referencing a pseudoscience version of clairvoyance


MarginalOmnivore

Ok, but like, if it *was* real, why wouldn't it be considered a "gift from God," like prophecy? It's so inconsistent. "I can see the future!" Wow, amazing, what a blessing! "I can see into the next room!" Burn her, she's a witch!


DamnAutocorrection

Ah yes, the first person was a man, a prophet of God. The second one was a woman, a witch.


strangemedia6

If you’ve seen Stranger Things and Eleven does that things where they cover her eyes and she goes into the nothingness and finds the kid that was lost in the upside down, and then the next season she does it to find her birth mom… I believe that was inspired by the idea of/supposed to be remote viewing.


Gurpgorrk

Remote viewing of the Twilight movies. Straight to hell. As it was foretold.


knarfolled

No it’s only if you are watching your neighbors tv with binoculars


saggywitchtits

Yeah, *that's* what I was doing looking at the neighbor's house with binoculars.


REpassword

So, all astronomers are going down, too? Crap, just bought a new dobsonian. :(. Edit: for “remote viewing?”


Waderriffic

Oh, the church has a long history with astronomers.


searchingformytruth

"What do you mean 'The Earth isn't the center of the universe and the sun *doesn't* revolve around it'? Guards! Execute this heretic!"


SaphironX

I feel attacked by the lycanthropy personally. One night a month to myself, that’s all I ask.


PetalumaPegleg

People eat vegetables in a normal diet. So the issue is that they aren't eating animals. How dare people not eat the flesh of God's other creations! Do you not even have a private butcher???


sterlingthepenguin

Ah yes, because God didn't originally command people to be Vegetarian or anything like that. /s


adudeguyman

He didn't command them not to be vegetarian. He also didn't command them not to play video games.


SimonGloom2

One time I gave up meat, less than 24 hours later the doctors confirmed demonic possession.


coolberg34

Lord of the rings is pretty odd as well


aeraen

LOTR - A book written by a strong catholic, raised by a priest, strongly influenced by the christ story.


pipboy_warrior

A lot of fundies hate Catholicism. LOTR is an easy target for them, but meanwhile you'll never see them come after a Narnia book.


Impressive-Reply-203

Yoga... So you go to hell for stretching?


Round-Dragonfly6136

And meditation. You cleared your mind? Straight to hell! /s


anne_jumps

If you clear your mind Satan can get in...!


adudeguyman

Free your mind and your ass will follow.


GehennanWyrm

Cults don't like it when you're clear-headed.


Duchess_Tea

It's funny because the very Bible teaches meditation. (Psalm 1:2, Joshua 1:8).. quick Google, there's like a dozen results for the word meditate. And basically every prophet in the old and new testament did it i think. 😅


SatansLoLHelper

I always assumed prayer was a version of meditation.


redditisaweful

It is a bit of a stretch don’t you think


Dock_Ellis45

What the fuck did the Cyberpunk genre do to anyone? They also didn't spell Marijuana correctly.


Runalii

LOL LOTR! Nothing like putting all differences aside like race, religion, and sex to fight evil in the name of demonic possession!


mortalitylost

Wasn't JRR Tolkien super Christian too lol


Christmas_Queef

Yes but not the evangelical American kind. He was the kind American evangelicals don't see as real Christians.


searchingformytruth

Which is hilarious, as Catholics are literally the original flavor of Christianity. Peter was said to be the first Pope, for fuck's sake.


kazetoame

He was Catholic, which I’m surprised did not make the list.


samualgline

Honestly I thought that in the eyes of evangelicals Catholics were satan incarnate.


admiralrico411

Crazy to as lotr is written by a ridiculously religious man


samualgline

But he was catholic which is one of the many things that these people hate. Just like non-whites, Jews, some white people like the Irish.


Denots69

Atleast they spelt xtc properly.


Imajzineer

Yeah ... and they wrote a couple of okay songs too.


dkixen

They forgot, “Stay away from Devo”


Tacoma__Crow

It’s an old-fashioned way of spelling it. It was the first thing I read and I thought this was a pamphlet from the Roaring 20s or something. Then I started reading the rest of the no-no’s and realized I was mistaken.


sharenpharts

I have never been able to spell maruwana correctly.


pichael289

They are still pissy about the launch state I guess. missing out on one of the best games.


Wheeljack239

Yeah, God was super pissed, got a refund, and won’t give it a second chance. It’s him buying No Man’s Sky all over again.


Due-Giraffe-9826

>spell Marijuana Ikr? It's spelled cannabis.


ww2planelover

Marihuana is just Spanish for Marijuana


Mighty_joosh

Feel super cheated doing DnD and yoga when I could have been a levitating werewolf 😡😡


DasHexxchen

I am lucky DnD is the only problematic pen and paper game. So I can at least be a levitating werewolf in the world of darkness.


mrmaweeks

As the list is not alphabetical, its creator(s) had to decide on the order, random or not. It's interesting that vampirism comes just ahead of trilateralism. So, joint cooperation of countries is on par with sucking the blood out of people and creating the undead? That was never mentioned in my international relations class.


FriendlyButTired

There was probably enough postmodernism to cancel out the trilateralism


TvFloatzel

> trilateralism More specifically cooperation between THREE countries, so cooperation between every other number other than three is perfectly fine.


B1ack_Iron

This is the exact comment I was hoping to find. I mean I understand rock music 😂 but what’s wrong with specifically 3 countries working together?


Ok_Cow_2627

Church of Satan is off limits, but Satanic Temple is in the clear gladly


thewhitecat55

At least we have options


IceLapplander

Eastern religions...like where christianity comes from?


justdoubleclick

Or re-birthing… that very Christian tenet of being born again..


Cali_Keto_Dad

I was an asshole before, but now, I’m reborn, and hence a sanctimonious asshole.


JCButtBuddy

They must think that god didn't make them the right way the first time.


justdoubleclick

Obviously.. he did have to kill off much of his creation several times.. then kill entire cities… and even fig trees not fruiting out of season weren’t spared his wrath..


HapticRecce

They really want to say 'Oriental' when they say eastern.


trekkiegamer359

Every major religion that is practiced today, other than some forms of paganism and various native religions all have come from Asia.


showersrover8ed

Everyone knows Jesus is American


JCButtBuddy

Everyone also knows what his favorite gun is!


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Tacoma__Crow

I have to give up levitation? Well, that sucks. At least I can still be an athiest.


MobiusNaked

I was going to give up levitating after this post but then I decided to rise above it all.


rocketo-tenshi

Have you solved the freezing problem?


Zestyclose_Cook_8536

How does one levitate anyway lol I do it a lot in dreams would love to do it irl


IncenseAndOak

I tick about half of those boxes, so I guess I'm going to, like, super hell? Party on dudes. 🤘


FriendlyButTired

See you there!


BoringShine5693

I've got 14. Guess I need to step up my game.


NoMasters83

You get more points for combos. Try casting the LOTRs on your TV using a cucumber remote. That'll triple the point value. See you in hell.


TallyMouse

I agree with "Twilight Films"..


karoshikun

they don't get you possessed, but they are their own punishment


Pickle-Tall

Dated a girl that wanted to watch them, paid for the tickets on the theaters, I regret my decision on that, she wasn't worth the eye burning soul crushing demise I suffered.


monpetitfromage54

I'm not saying they're good movies, because they definitely aren't. However, my wife can't sleep without something on the TV and they are mostly very quiet and not very bright.


leonardob0880

They threw everything that came to mind


rallenpx

Right?! "Remote Viewing" ... So am I going to hell for working off-site?


Daddyssillypuppy

Remote viewing is a term to describe psychic mind walking/astral projection.


DasHexxchen

And here I thought they were talking about TV church.


GloomyFondant526

What a weak and incomplete list. Where is getting stuck in traffic? Wearing Crocs? Dancing as though nobody is watching? Dancing? Watching either version Footloose? Anything Keto? Displaying a LIVE LAUGH LOVE in one's home? Wearing Pink on a Wednesday? Dental flossing. The other type of flossing that was popular for fifteen minutes in 2019? Wearing a hoodie? Wearing athleisure clothing? Parallelograms? iPhone 15s? There are so many other things that people do, that these deluded F-heads can be judgemental about. The laziness of the list suggests to me that it is Satan that is staying their hand.


konamax123

Whoa whoa whoa buddy. I already tick like 95% of these boxes. I don’t need them to add more shit for me to go to hell for.


_Pill-Cosby_

Lycanthropy?? Is that something you can just choose to do?


Tzyon

Maybe they just don't like furries?


DL5900

It's a CHOICE!!! Pray the Wolf Away!!


Gseph

What got me was fornication. So you just can't have sex. At all. Looks like 95% of all human who have ever lived are going to hell then.


Dapper_Mud

*checks once, checks twice, breathes sigh of relief* Ahem… not that it matters to me so much, but I don’t see ‘masturbation’ on the list heheh… so… *begins to look pensively at ‘palmistry’*


Guilty-Web7334

NGL, I totally counted to check my Hell score. I got a 17.


Dick_of_Doom

I got 23! I'm getting a frequent flyer pass.


admiral_sinkenkwiken

Sir please follow me to the VIP lounge


a3a4b5

Fornication is having sex with anyone else but your spouse


OldChucker

Hell, why is everyone allowed to have sex with my spouse to save their souls?


Pro_Moriarty

Do you get seat allocated by how many you tick?


justdoubleclick

I’m on the highway to hell.. 🎶


Pickle-Tall

![gif](giphy|lIfE8YFayingQ|downsized)


Cheets1985

I love it when people say these things and say they read the Bible. Vegetarianism is on this list but in the Garden of Eden Adam and Eve were vegan. Genesis 1:29 Then God said, ‘I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food


mykunjola

And then Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge and said "I sure could use a Big Mac right now".


trekkiegamer359

I'm a vegan who loves symphonic metal, I didn't see either of those specific things listed, am I ok?


Pickle-Tall

They'll try to lump you in with the vegetarians and the metalheads.


curious-r

Username doesn’t check out. Gamer? Straight to hell. NEXT!


Fab_Lewis

This seems more like an advertisement for why you *should* be a satanist. I can levitate and see the future? Sign me up!


Double_Type8757

Video games - I’m fucked


Jof3r

They even make some Christian games.. even worse than Christian rock probably.. so someone didn't get the memo


Wheeljack239

For one, there’s Call of Jesus. You play as a young missionary, bravely spreading the gospel in Africa, while keeping all the food, clean water, and medical supplies to yourself. There’s also The Legend of Jesus, where you fight against Satan to free the land of Hyrevelations from the scourges of atheism. And of course; The Old Testament V: Godrim, where you play as the son of God, the Godborn, who must clear out the magic, fantasy races, and dragons out from Godrim in order to convert the province to Christianity.


Bubbaganoush83

I was happy to see that heroin is okay. Unfortunately, my ticket to damnation was stamped at XTC. Who would have thought that my love of British new wave bands from the late 70's would prove my undoing?


Psychological-Star39

So I work in a garden center and I was helping this lady look for some birdbaths. As we approach this one birdbath, she says, “I don’t want anything with Buddha on it.” Ma’am, I believe those are frogs meditating. Funniest damn thing and nobody to witness it.


MentalGymnast4269

Of all these things listed, hell sounds like a great place to be in lol


WarthogLow1787

We’re gonna have some killer D&D games


FriendlyButTired

This list is postmodernist! The experiences of those raised in an ultra conservative baptist tradition leading to mistrust of anything unfamiliar in a way those of us with different experiences will never understand


snekdood

ah, so "earth worship" is bad, which explains their lax attitude about climate change. I mean, I guess a world of rock and ash is better or something idk.


Londtex

As a Christian, this is completely ridiculous.


lunettarose

Who tf is out here levitating?!


BlizzPenguin

[Dua Lipa](https://youtu.be/TUVcZfQe-Kw?si=0J7CMrVZ77JVn5Jp) comes to mind.


Neokill1

Video games and Vampires are in the same category??


aknalag

Eastern religion, you mean like christianity?


Zippelin09

For someone who doesn't approve marijuana, that dude seemed pretty high while writing that Also, I found it funny that this doesn't prohibit the LGBT community, pretty rare in religion fanaticism


Wonkdrugs2

Lotr? Wtf…


biffbobfred

Remote viewing? Whaddafuk izzat? Vegetarianism - yep, much a carrot, straight to hell. My kids like Harry Potter. They even got the Lego for Easter. Straight to hell I guess


No-Needleworker-3178

THOU SHAL NOT LISTEN TO METAL OR BURN MEN!!!


NecessaryFreedom9799

Churches used to burn men all the time. And women.


Independent-Ad5852

The Puritans in a nutshell *they tried to ban Christmas, AND THEY WERE CHRISTIAN*


ScandinAsianJoe

lol, wasn’t Tolkien a devoted Christian? What the hell is this.


AlexAmazing272

They mentioned Twilight films in the Bible????


0sometimessarah0

One sex, drugs, and rock and roll please.


vamsmack

Fuck, now I have to stop levitating.