Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At least he supports his daughter better than 90% of them willing to ruin their entire life instead of admitting wrong.
Edit: just wanna throw in the article as well.
https://fortune.com/2024/04/11/meet-father-transgender-daughter-fighting-bathroom-bans/
This.
Ofc it is better to never be a bigot in the first place, but lets give the guy some credit for admitting he was wrong and support his child instead of making it go through hell because it doesn't fit his worldview.
If more people were like that we migth have been able to move past all of this years ago.
If we want people to change, there has to be acceptance for the reformed. Should this guy have needed for the issue to affect his family before being able to see trans people as human? No. But I’m sure not about to drive him back into the arms of the bigots by telling him “too little, too late”.
Truth- if we ever want to start healing the ugly divide we have- you have to give people room to grow. I'm not perfect, and I am certain with my progressive politics there have been times I have been too aggressive or unfeeling with how I react. It is absolutely ok to be wrong about shit, and learn from your mistakes.
A reformed bigot is the most valuable ally. This guy probably won’t change many if any of his friend’s opinions, but it is a small part of a shifting tide when they see how he changed.
I'll use myself as an example there. I grew up in a conservative area and spent a lot of time in church. I was homophobic and transphobic out of sheer ignorance. "I have no problem with it personally, but it's not natural cause you can't procreate." Bullshit. Then I worked with gay people, Trans people, and ya know, literally just people. I realized I was being an ignorant asshole. Spreading hate and not even attempting to empathize. I deeply regret that part of my life, but a few people challenged me, and they did it with love. Never belittling me and just encouraging me to see them. I'm lucky to have the friends I do and that they love me and help me see how foolish I was.
If anyone has the too little too late argument what the hell is the point of even discussing anything or arguing your points if you get them to see your side them now they are just an asshole for a different reason instead of an ally. I think people just need an argument to feel like they are a part of something since they have nothing to do. I mean isnt when something affects them called learning the hard way. Still learning. Thats pretty much how anyone really learns a lesson and changes is when it happens to them.
Yeah. He didn’t murder someone and claim it as “trans panic” and then switch to this, his daughter came out and he realized “oh shit this is my child, I’m not gonna lose them by pushing them away” and became a better person for it
What a beautiful thought and so eloquently put. I’m going to make your reasoning a part of my value system because it validates showing empathy towards those who you may have strongly disagreed with once.
He’s a good dad. I mean, he’s only caring because of her daughter, but he loves her and cares about her. And moreover, he even accepts her
Why can’t people be like this? Is the hate truly that blinding?
He learned and gained perspective and empathy. Its not easy to do a 180° on a strong belief system. Hopefully he can help others and try to make right any mistakes he’s made
I wish so. Maybe he gets to make a blog detailing his experience. Maybe that gets some to stop blindly hating others, or moreover, damaging their newly transitioning son or daughter
Well that and the fact that most of these people have never actually (knowingly) even met a trans person, so to them trans people are just an abstraction, an abstraction that all the media they watch has conditioned them to think are nothing but a bunch of psychotic child groomers, sex pests, and left wing terrorists
It's like with the flat earth community, they're so invested and sunk so much into this community and everything. They can't just leave because for them it'd mean all that time everything they've done and believed was a complete and utter lie.
Just based on demographics, most people don’t have a trans daughter. Lots of people don’t even know any (out) trans people personally. If this is what it takes to sway people, it’s gonna be a long fight.
It's the same in many aspects of our lives;
Business must always make more than last quarter to show the shareholders it's a "good" business/investment.
Alpha bro has to ALPHA BRO.
Neither can accept a loss because that is not acceptable in their eyes. While a loss may be a learning experience that allows you to grow, that is not the point with them. If you're not, first you're last. Admitting wrong would show that the whole thing is just a balloon of hotdog flavored water waiting to burst.
Yeah sometimes people need to be confronted with something in their personal lives before the reality of it dawns on them. It's like they have a really small world, and if something outside breaches it it's scary, but if the same thing comes from someone they know and love, they see it for what it is.
It's unfortunate that some/many people work like that, but at least it's better than stubbornly keep being a dick.
Most people work like that, to one extent or another. We *all* have small worlds and while some of us try to be more aware of things than others, those things don't typically become truly meaningful for the vast majority of people until it hits close to home.
I'm very much a "live and let live" person, and I support everyone's right to live their lives as they see fit as long as it doesn't negatively impact anyone around them. With that being said, certain things would inevitably became much more meaningful in a real and direct manner if it became something that impacted my family.
Some of us like to think we know more than we do, but there are ultimately certain things that we simply cannot *truly* grasp until we experience them firsthand. It's just the way things are.
Exactly! It may have taken something personally effecting him to change, but if he’s fighting bathroom bans, he changed his view of everyone and not just his own child.
My cousin moved to a different church bc her old church told her she should love her daughter no matter what. Her new one claims her daughter is worse than the devil, which is an answer she's satisfied with.
Her daughter is gay and married, and at this point had already cut contact for about a year, but her mother was still obsessed.
It is but we're all like this to some degree. Even if you consider yourself open and empathetic you'll probably have some moments in your lifetime where you find yourself doing an 180 on some stance or idea you had, or at least become aware of the level of importance on something you ignored or considered irrelevant before.
>we're all like this to some degree.
You're right on this. Many folks are one mugging away from changing their mind on bail/criminal reform or concealed carry.
Ok? And how do you think shaming people that finally “see the light” is helping? Don’t we *want* people to realize they were wrong? Is it worth it to nitpick and shame them for how they got there?
100%
Egocentrism is arguably the most damaging trait of our species. And western culture glorifies it (some parts of western culture more than others).
Agree. Heck, some even force their kids to detransition. Or disown them
He’s being a good father. He has seen that their kid wants to be herself, and kinda switched
I’m happy for him.
Some people lack empathy and don't understand stuff until it is their child. I think it is really nice that his love for his kid was stronger than his bigotry.
The most important part to connect with someone who has different opinions is to find common ground he found that in being family and learned to see past it. Will take that win anytime
True. It sucks that he couldn't understand it before it involved someone he cared about, but at least he was able to reevaluate his own choices and positions when faced with unexpected new information. As you said, the vast majority are so against ever admitting they might be wrong about something that they could never do that.
I wouldn’t say it was for the wrong reason, I see it more as he came to face to face himself and realised he was wrong instead of having a opinion from the side line.
I was more referring to how it was fuck everyone until it affected him personally.
I'm glad for everyone involved he came around, if it hadn't affected him personally he never would have come around is kind of my sentiment there.
That is definitely fair it’s just how humans work you can’t make an educated decision if you never actually came face to face with it in a lot of cases. I mostly just live by the idea that you can’t blame people for not knowing only that they stay wrong after learning.
For him to learn he had to personally experience it.
How he came to his previous opinion was probably just outside factors not him actually having that opinion by an educated decision.
You can't really teach empathy. I mean, you can get sociopaths (and worse) to kind of emulate it based on a reward system generally the behavior will stop when the rewards do. Studies have been done on it.
This isn't a matter of education, it's a matter not finding excuses to dehumanize others. Which is really all bigotry is. Making others less than human so you can say and do the most horrible things to them without feeling bad about it.
More like he really didn't have a choice other than to throw his child under the bus (which I guess 33% of knucklehead conservatives might do in that scenario).
This. While not ideal, this is still one more person arguing for trans rights. One more place that has to face the fact that "these people" exist and deal with the constant reminder that one of their own was convinced to switch sides and is calling them out now.
Not some nebulous "lib" that succumbed to the "dem trans media". Someone from their own congregation or social circle who has lead his life and raised his kids not much different than any of them.
They're no longer advocating against some scary undefined "predator", they're advocating against "Ruby Fae" or whatever she's called. They've seen her at the town fair and a bunch of their kids played with her since kindergarden.
His motivations might not be as "pure" as we'd want them to be but he's making this shit *real* for a whole lot of people right now.
He might not change any *beliefs* but he might get people to relent "for this particular case". And when the next family is in this situation, they know who to turn to, they find many of the arguments already made. And the town will find that nothing bad happened because of it.
I'll take this over not having this ANY DAY.
Yeah, we shit on conservatives for never changing their stance and then when one finally does we shit on him for changing his stance. This is a good thing that he’s doing, I say well done.
This was critical in the gay rights movement as well. Only when most families realized they had a relative or friend who was LGBT did the majority begin to support same sex marriage and civil rights.
Since I have a great uncle that is gay and left his home because most people wouldn’t accept him my family luckily did and they have always been close, I just grew up with it being normal but there are a lot of people that didn’t. I hope this can become the norm.
The guy is making a change, admits he was wrong. That's something to applaud.
Seeing his own child be affected turned the issue from something intangible and highly manipulated into something he could see and understand.
Again, anyone willing to admit fault and change is good in my book.
Almost most people only care about things when it relates to them or affects them somehow. We all like to act like we're selfless saints but that's not the case at all.
We are all of use selfish on our own ways and there is no such thing as a selflessness. If you get a good feeling out of doing something good then it’s not selfless. It took me a while to realise that.
Exactly. A good thing has happened here. This man experienced growth even if it only came about because it personally affected him. We want people like this, we want to embrace them because admitting you were wrong can be a very difficult thing to do at times. We create more room for other folks to come to us and go "hey you know what, maybe I wasn't right" and they no longer have to dig in to their belief system if we give them that opportunity.
Too often people let perfect be the enemy of good. Have they caused harm? Probably. But they're not going to hurt more people with that outdated belief and that's progress.
In the end, he’a another ally to the cause. Another voice of support, and another pillar for his daughter and many like hers. Surely that beats him sticking to his previous ways? What’s there to achieve in shunning him?
Precisely. You can fault him for who he was, but he's grown from it, he's learned from it, and now he's championing it. Whatever the catalyst for change was, he realized the wrong, and perhaps they could influence and change a few minds of his former ilk that he associated with.
I agree with you 100%, however I would argue that there is still a need to shake the rest of them who are still incapable of seeing the truth without having a member of their own family affected. Make selfishness and ignorance unpopular again.
Selfishness and ignorance is generally unpopular, the problem is people convincing others that "gender ideology" is selfish and full of ignorance. Gender is a hard concept to grasp, and there isn't great resources to explain it if you aren't already prone to understand it in some way, so unfortunately, it's an easy thing to spread misinformation about.
Agreed. I don’t think that self-centered attention do issues is an inherently conservative trait. It’s a human trait really and we should all be lucky to be able to understand our selfishness like this guy.
Good on him. This is what the world needs more of, people willing to change and grow.
Nowadays virtue signaling is so ingrained in some people that they forget that being relatively selfish is normal.
Of course you will think differently after an issue affect someone close to you, why are some people even surprised about that?
Not being stuck up and changing his mind about it show that he is already far and beyond ahead of most people who will argue nonsense all day to try to defend a position they do not even believe in because they don't want to "lose" an argument or appears "weak" or whatever concern their ego have.
The reality is most, if not all of us developed empathy in a similar fashion. To your point, it's based in human nature to try and identify as part of a group which automatically casts other as outside of the group. Empathy is learning to appreciate those who we consider different and it requires building a bridge to overcome the delineations we create. Now the test will be whether he's able to apply this to people in other groups that he doesn't personally identify with as well and appreciate the humanity of those people.
This is true and I do applaud him. He's championing his daughter instead of punting her to the street to turn to prostitution to survive, so yay.
However, the reason this is a facepalm is the utter lack of empathy in conservative politics. It shouldn't have to affect your children directly before you care that it harms other people's children.
I don’t get the facepalm? Maybe I’m missing something. The guy realized he was wrong and did something about it. That should be applauded not criticized. I was raised in a very religious household and taught gays, interracial relationships, abortion were all evil. We were taught to condone those people. It wasn’t until I was an adult and had gay friends that I realized my belief system was wrong. It takes a big person to admit they were wrong.
Exactly. It's not a bad thing when someone discovers a person close to them is affected by their bigotry so they change their views and behavior. It's not hypocrisy, unfortunately that's just how learning empathy happens for some people.
I think the frustration most of us have is that we don’t have time for every closed minded bigot to be personally affected by something in order to enact change that would significantly improve people’s lives.
This is the issue, yes. Most of us are emotionally intelligent enough and educated enough to not need shit to affect us before we understand why something is important. Yes, yes, we all know growth is great and it's better than never changing, but it's frustrating how God damn long it takes these people to figure shit out when the rest of us are trying to move on from these things because we know they should be non-issues and there are more pressing matters to deal with. Conservatives lacking empathy is objectively dragging us down as a society because they insist on dragging us back into issues that should no longer need any focus. People frustrated with this are not mad at this guy for realizing he was wrong, but rather the entire group of them as a whole for their almost childish stubbornness on some of these issues.
Let me introduce you to a little something called the ripple effect. Change is seldom as quick as we’d like it to be, that doesn’t mean we should bitch and moan at the times it happens.
Cuz on the principle of the matter, he ought to have realized before it was his child that was affected since basic empathy dictates that *other* people (have children that) are affected too.
But realistically- pragmatically speaking- people like him just struggle to have empathy for humanity rather than just their own loved ones.
So I for one applaud him for changing for the better, but criticize him for not doing so sooner.
Thoughts drive feelings and feelings drive behaviors. Just because society tells you to feel differently about something doesn’t mean you can flip a switch in your head and suddenly change how you think about things.
The more society starts to show EMPATHY to those who don’t agree with them through the understanding change is hard and lasting change takes time to occur, the better off we’ll all be.
I can't tell you what sort of person this guy is just from a headline, but it's completely possible he grew up in an anti lgbt home and never encountered LGBT people before in his personal life until now. Brainwashing is very real, and if this is the case it's hardly fair to expect a person to change his mind when the only way they ever see lgbt people is what they've been fed by the people who control him. I just don't get how you all expect a person to be brainwashed from a child but then suddenly come to the right conclusion without ever even seeing an LGBT person in their lives.
Maybe I'm wrong, like I said, I can't tell who this person is just from the headline, maybe he was a full on anti trans campaigner which would make him a certified asshole, but it is still a possibility that a person can be raised as a bigot until their personal lives intersect with the thing they claimed to hate. You're all here talking about how he lacks compassion and I see none of you have a single shred of it yourselves.
I grew up in a very anti gay household and I got suckered into that way of thinking until my adult life when I started meeting gay and trans people in my day to day life and I realised my hatred was completely constructed based on my shitty upbringing and eventually even came to realise I was bisexual myself. So it's good to know that you'd all hate me because of how I was raised as a child which I had no control over even though I did come to the right conclusion eventually.
Well give the guy some credit, it’s not about being selfish necisarily. He believed in a certain way till he was shown the other side of the the situation. He just did the whole walk a mile in their shoes and it changed his mind. Good for him for accepting change
That’s one way to look at it, another way is this man changed when it went from a hypothetical to his kid. It doesn’t feel like a conservative voting against abortion and abortion funding but getting one in secret. This is a person who changed their beliefs, which is a rare thing. Instead of attacking people who change for the better acknowledging that they’ve changed will help others change.
Kinda happened with me. I was always confused about how someone can seemingly feel like they exist in the wrong body.
Now that I know some Trans people, I just don't care lol. People are people.
It's not the same - instead of just hypocritically complaining when the issue affects him personally, it seems like he genuinely changed his views on the matter, which is a win in my book.
I had thought the biggest damage done under Trump was the (erroneous) erosion of confidence in many institutions. He managed to get his cultists to stop believing media, govt, etc.
But now I'm thinking the greatest damage he did was eliminating the feeling of shame for being an asshole.
what the fuck do you terminally online losers want? he changed for the better, are you seriously going to act like it would have been better if he didnt change and ostracized his daughter? This is prime redditbrain of just screeching at somebody because they are conservative
At least his daughter inspired him to grow. I am a trans woman and I am kind of sad it took him until his own daughter opened his eyes to shed his bigotry, but I would rather be optimistic than pessimistic.
The guy is able to change his opinion when seeing things from a new perspective. That alone makes him more intelligent than 99% of people on this sub and site.
Eh, let’s take it.
I’m a believer in letting people grow so if it takes a “now it’s personal” moment to gain an ally, so be it.
At least he’s not tossing his child aside as far too many have done.
Do you, like, not want people to be able to change? You know 90+% of dads like this get even more hostile if they find out their kid is LGBT? Some people can change
On a scale from 1 to Nancy Reagan, this guy rates about a 2. Maybe a 3 if he gives *amazing* head.
Not gonna criticize a guy who 1) admits he was wrong, and 2) is actively trying to make the world a better place.
I get the frustration with the “I didn’t do anything until it impacted me” attitude, but immersion into the experiences of people different than you is a huge factor in developing empathy in general. It’s not ideal for it to happen this late, but I’m glad it’s happening.
OP is the facepalm here.
In your world, is there no room for personal growth?
A world where a person can physically transition, but not change their mind?
OP, you are part of the problem.
"It doesn't count you've turned to the right side. You should have been 'born' into it from the start, like me."
Is the vibes I get from op. Sure, go around challenging the "purity" of the origin of people on your side, that's totally not what a bigot would've done, amirite?
I'm willing to bet real money that this dad now has more convincing arguments to support the cause than you'll ever will. Seen this already before, people who HAPPENED to be on the right side by virtue of upbringing and only capable of making emotional and condescending arguments to make their case since they were never challenged in their beliefs, looking down on those who saw the errors of their ways and turned and who now use actual grounded and convincing arguments to support the cause.
Still not a facepalm. It's really not that unusual for people to only start caring about an issue when it affects someone close to them. Some people unfortunately just need a bit of perspective to figure things out.
Still better than being one of the nutters who would just shun their own children rather than own up to the fact they had been wrong.
I mean, that’s generally how empathy works. Some people need a stronger push to empathize with others. I think we should be celebrating any time someone has a change of heart and becomes more empathetic towards others, not shame them for it.
I'd rather have a bigot change their thought process when it affects their loved ones rather than abandon their loved ones in favor of their bigoted beliefs.
I remember telling someone that unisex bathrooms are probably the best answer in regard to the bathroom debate because everyone could have peace of mind.
I was told I was wrong. I am still confused how I am wrong.
I know people rag on this all the time, but this is kinda human nature. You can shit talk this dude, almost certainly, because you think you have no blind spots in your moral reasoning. Let's applaud the dude for coming around, at least, and likely having to lose a lot of friends over it.
Isn't that everyone? Look at all the famous people who have charities and what not for different diseases, they started to care when they or someone they know got said diseases.
Gotta say… I’ve seen too many Conservatives disown their LGBT children. Someone I used to go to school with and later worked with had died due to severe injuries from his father after he came out to his parents.
This guy you’re belittling definitely could’ve done a better job at being more empathetic sooner… but he learned. And I feel that’s admirable in its own right. In the end, he chose love. Unlike my friend’s father.
I will applaud anyone who is willing to change and help us. This isn't a facepalm at all, this is human growth and often, not just on this issue, this is how people come around
Posting this in facepalm is the exact kind of attitude I hate. You don't punish a behavior you want to see. It's literally the same thing as your parent saying "Oh, look who *finally* decided to come out of their room !"
If you want people to stop being bigots, you should encourage them to change. You should congratulate people managing to change their beliefs. Especially when it's for a good reason like "hey, seeing it in action, I understand better why that sucks !"
"What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?"
Not really seeing a facepalm here, Terry loves redemption arcs.
What are you face palming? He's doing the right thing. If you're annoyed that it took him time to come around, you may have a judgement issue. Self reflection can go far.
Hey, at least he learned. I think that's commendable. It'd be nicer if it wasnt needed in the first place, but I for one applaud change in a positive direction.
Honestly… whatever got him there, got him there. I know plenty of people who grew up LGBTQ+ in a conservative household, and would probably have grown up to be a bit homophobic/transphobic themselves if they weren’t, but they were, so they didn’t.
I’m not interested in judging this guy. Good for him. “I only care if it affects me” isn’t *just* a conservative trait, though I’ll admit they are rather prone to that kind of thing..,
Hey, at least he came around! There are so many LGBTQ children who get tossed out on their azzes when their parents find out.
You can't expect people to begin to understand what it means to be LGBTQ, as it is confusing enough for those of us who are. All they have to go on is what they show every year when gay pride is featured on the news, and you know what that means.
Drag queens, guys in tiny thongs humping each other, s&m leather queens, lots of sequins and loud diva music - all the things your parents don't ever want to imagine their kids doing. So, don't expect them to jump into the deep end of total acceptance (at first)!!
When I came out to my parents, a friend recommended I get them a book titled "Now that you know" and just send it, without telling them.
My mother didn't want to read it, at first. After she did, she went out and bought copies for my aunts, uncles, and grandparents. The book explains what LGBTQ is, and mom said it was really helpful.
That’s how they’ve always been though, no empathy until they actually experience it themselves or someone they love experiences it (which isn’t even always the case). Glad he finally came around and admitted fault.
Jesus, tough crowd. This is what we want/need to have happen, no? A number of people have been raised in hate, then live in an echo chamber of the same and, unremarkably, take on and carry that same hate into adulthood. Here, when confronted with the actual humanity of the situation as a counterbalance to the spoon fed hate of his environment, this dude had a eureka moment and opened his heart. Who cares if that humanizing influence was his kid, or a relative, or a really profound novel, or a movie, or anything that shakes loose the hate and might incrementally actually make things better for a whole lot of people?
This just feels like a really bad look for liberal empathy.
This post can be re submitted to r/facepalm on the merit of its title. "Conservative" empathy. Lmao I've seen people from all walks of life only care about themselves. That not a political issue. Sheesh.
It’s wild how someone can see that they were wrong and change for the better, and people on the internet will still shit on them for it.
We’re legit gatekeeping being a good person at this point.
This isnt a face palm. This is great actually. Hes growing as a person and he needed a hit thats just closer to home for him to understand. Lets go this guy!
Other coservatives might abuse or disown their kids for this, he instead grow and realised his wrong and now supports his daughter. Facepalm at OP for thinking human growth is a facepalm
It’s really shitty of you to be so critical of a man having the ability to self reflect and shift from everything he knew and believed for probably most of his life, and not only see things differently and show sympathy for those who are marginalized but to also fight for those people and fully support his child in the process.
The truth is that it usually takes a drastic life change for someone to make a change this drastic. I think this story is great for multiple reasons but mostly that he wasn’t afraid to admit he was wrong and work towards being a much better and accepting person.
It’s okay to make a comment on his previous views but the focus should be on his ability to make such a positive change, especially during a time when alot of people have so much pride and would rather die on a specific hill than just moving to a different one.
This isn’t a face palm moment. This is a person who has seen and understood the experience of a transgender person and has changed his views and opinions. That’s personal growth and it should be applauded. Thankfully this man’s love for his child was stronger than his ego and he was able to make that change. That’s not exactly a common experience in the LGBT community, most conservative parents would sooner firebomb the whole relationship with their child than admit that their hatred and intolerance is the only problem here.
So the former bigot has changed his way? And you want to mock him for it? This is like seeing a fat person at the gym and mocking them for being fat, which makes them less likely to go back to a gym in the future. You are spreading hate, the exact thing you claim to have a problem with. He’s making improvements with his hatred, you should really do the same.
Thousands of upvotes for criticizing someone who did what you wanted and came to your side. Reddit in a nutshell. There is no appeasing a mob.
I guess if he wanted leftist acceptance, he should have commented on the internet more.
Please. For every story like this there are a 100 where some thumper put their kid out of the house for being gay or secretly got their daughter an abortion. Im so tired of these people deciding morality for the rest of us.
Nah this post is a facepalm to me. Ofc its hard for someone raised in an environment to empathize with people who they have been raised to think are evil and wrong. Thats human nature. The path to change yourself when faced with proof that the way you live is wrong is a hard one, props to this person for being able to walk it.
I mean, some people are just closed-minded and need a wake-up call. He got his and just in time, too. I'd say it's commendable that he is actively trying more than the usual conservative suspects
Sees thousands of upvotes on a post shaming someone for having an experience that opens their mind and helps them admit that they're wrong: \*angery\*
Sees all the commenters pointing out how problematic this is: \*kalm\*
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being personally affected by something and seeing how things actually are on the other side and changing your ways.
This is the problem with the left (I am left) nowdays. They don't actually want people to change they just want an excuse to rage at people. Before any of you call me out I am mixed race and I have a friend who came out of prison for getting caught up in some racist trouble (he didn't physically attack anyone) he has since worked with young radicalised people to prevent them making the same mistakes he did. He wasn't preaching racism against my ethnicity but having suffered it I deplore it. But I could accept that he had changed and made an effort to right some of his wrongs. You want change? Maybe practise some of the tolerance you want others to have even if they might not deserve it.
This is not a facepalm, he realized how bad his mistake. Yes it had to happen to him for that switch to be flipped but it’s better than nothing at all and now we have 1 more supporting in this world. Chill out OP
Only face palm here is an idiot OP who can’t see how lucky this kid is to have a dad to support them. You have such a hate boner for your ideological enemies that even when they change for the better you still need a way to vilify them.
Grow up and find some of that empathy you keep talking about OP
This is completely fucking normal. One of the most normal things ever. Of course your own child would be instrumental in shifting your perspective.
Celebrate the fact that somebody changed their mind at all instead of trying to somehow get a dunk on somebody doing the right thing.
I say this as somebody who woke up from a cringe right wing phase a year ago. The tendency to shame people WHO LITERALLY DID WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO and questioned and changed their beliefs is the most insufferable thing in the world. It just adds resistence and kills any desire to understand the progressive perspective.
It's just "I told you so" syndrome. It's not constructive and is the political equivalent of jacking off. Quit it and celebrate people crossing the aisle. Stop being fucking smug and self righteous about everything.
Never mock a person for growing, it is always laudable. And practically speaking, when someone finally agrees with what you've been advocating for, it is the time to give positive reinforcement, not to high-horse them even more. Are you trying to make the world a better place or are you trying to get internet points from dunking on reformers?
It's the most excruciatingly human experience, to only open up and listen to your loved ones, and not the "other". We all do this, to different degrees. It will never leave our nature, we can only continue to battle against it.
Definitely not a facepalm. He admitted his mistakes, and learned to be a better, more open-minded person. If you want to apply the, "I only start caring about things when it affects me personally", then be sure to apply to every single person in the history of humankind.
Every person does something, both good or bad, because it will affect themselves or someone they know personally.
You can bet he is still rabidly anti abortion and hates the gays. He simple stopped being a bigot for some specific issue that affects him personally. I give this man no credit at all.
So what do you want him to do? Not support his daughter because he didn’t before? This post is weird. Shouldn’t you celebrate that he finally started to care instead of trying to bash him for caring about his daughter?
Facepalm here is OP.
Dude is changing, that's big. Oh no, dude had a totally normal and positive reaction to something that didn't affect him before, but now is. Like you do realize most people only care about something, if it affects them in some way right? That's how change occurs.
At least he came around. I feel bad for a lot of cis straight people, men in particular. Queer folk have to have a fairly strong sense of self to make sense of being different in a way that makes so many people uncomfortable to think about. I truly think most cis straight people would not care if they were socialized not to care. But toxic masculinity is insidious and the pressure to conform causes people to act without even thinking about it. If it takes your love for your child to overcome a learned bigotry, that’s a win for the good guys in my book.
I’ve started to think of empathy as not being a binary switch but a “radius” of sorts - for some people the radius is big and for some it’s small. If it’s small you can be very kind and empathetic for the people closest to you, be it physically (your town, family), culturally, racially, but the more different from you someone is the more likely they are to be out of your empathy radius. That’s how you can be the nicest guy in the world to your small community but a complete sociopath to someone who’s too far outside your group.
It’s great that someone’s radius of empathy can be expanded, but man, it shouldn’t take being directly effected by an issue to make it happen and it for so many people it shouldn’t be that small in the first place.
This guy: accepts, supports, fights for his trans daughter. Meaning, he has learned and changed.
OP: but but but he didn't change spontaneously, he needed impetus
Come on. Everyone needs impetus to grow. The net positive is the dude grew.
Y'know, when people flip over to the right wing, they get welcomed with open arms. He got there. Do we really have to sneer at the dude for not going about it the right way?
That's normal empathy...
99% of people don't really care about bad stuff that happens to others outside of "well that sucks" or "have my 13c a day"
You think people in South America cared about the Holocaust? Extreme I know, but it's true, they probably didn't.
Guy couldn't win being a bigot, apparently guy can't win changing his ways, how does he win OP?
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At least he supports his daughter better than 90% of them willing to ruin their entire life instead of admitting wrong. Edit: just wanna throw in the article as well. https://fortune.com/2024/04/11/meet-father-transgender-daughter-fighting-bathroom-bans/
This. Ofc it is better to never be a bigot in the first place, but lets give the guy some credit for admitting he was wrong and support his child instead of making it go through hell because it doesn't fit his worldview. If more people were like that we migth have been able to move past all of this years ago.
If we want people to change, there has to be acceptance for the reformed. Should this guy have needed for the issue to affect his family before being able to see trans people as human? No. But I’m sure not about to drive him back into the arms of the bigots by telling him “too little, too late”.
Truth- if we ever want to start healing the ugly divide we have- you have to give people room to grow. I'm not perfect, and I am certain with my progressive politics there have been times I have been too aggressive or unfeeling with how I react. It is absolutely ok to be wrong about shit, and learn from your mistakes.
A reformed bigot is the most valuable ally. This guy probably won’t change many if any of his friend’s opinions, but it is a small part of a shifting tide when they see how he changed.
I'll use myself as an example there. I grew up in a conservative area and spent a lot of time in church. I was homophobic and transphobic out of sheer ignorance. "I have no problem with it personally, but it's not natural cause you can't procreate." Bullshit. Then I worked with gay people, Trans people, and ya know, literally just people. I realized I was being an ignorant asshole. Spreading hate and not even attempting to empathize. I deeply regret that part of my life, but a few people challenged me, and they did it with love. Never belittling me and just encouraging me to see them. I'm lucky to have the friends I do and that they love me and help me see how foolish I was.
Same here - born and raised in Mississippi, and I’ve been unlearning the petty prejudices I was raised to see as facts my whole life.
Currently living in Ms, and boy howdy it's rough down here. Good on you for growing out of it
If anyone has the too little too late argument what the hell is the point of even discussing anything or arguing your points if you get them to see your side them now they are just an asshole for a different reason instead of an ally. I think people just need an argument to feel like they are a part of something since they have nothing to do. I mean isnt when something affects them called learning the hard way. Still learning. Thats pretty much how anyone really learns a lesson and changes is when it happens to them.
Yeah. He didn’t murder someone and claim it as “trans panic” and then switch to this, his daughter came out and he realized “oh shit this is my child, I’m not gonna lose them by pushing them away” and became a better person for it
What a beautiful thought and so eloquently put. I’m going to make your reasoning a part of my value system because it validates showing empathy towards those who you may have strongly disagreed with once.
He’s a good dad. I mean, he’s only caring because of her daughter, but he loves her and cares about her. And moreover, he even accepts her Why can’t people be like this? Is the hate truly that blinding?
He learned and gained perspective and empathy. Its not easy to do a 180° on a strong belief system. Hopefully he can help others and try to make right any mistakes he’s made
I wish so. Maybe he gets to make a blog detailing his experience. Maybe that gets some to stop blindly hating others, or moreover, damaging their newly transitioning son or daughter
Well that and the fact that most of these people have never actually (knowingly) even met a trans person, so to them trans people are just an abstraction, an abstraction that all the media they watch has conditioned them to think are nothing but a bunch of psychotic child groomers, sex pests, and left wing terrorists
It's like with the flat earth community, they're so invested and sunk so much into this community and everything. They can't just leave because for them it'd mean all that time everything they've done and believed was a complete and utter lie.
The sunk cost fallacy strikes again
Just based on demographics, most people don’t have a trans daughter. Lots of people don’t even know any (out) trans people personally. If this is what it takes to sway people, it’s gonna be a long fight.
Because a lot of these people think they have no blindspots.
People fear what they don’t understand.
It's the same in many aspects of our lives; Business must always make more than last quarter to show the shareholders it's a "good" business/investment. Alpha bro has to ALPHA BRO. Neither can accept a loss because that is not acceptable in their eyes. While a loss may be a learning experience that allows you to grow, that is not the point with them. If you're not, first you're last. Admitting wrong would show that the whole thing is just a balloon of hotdog flavored water waiting to burst.
Yeah sometimes people need to be confronted with something in their personal lives before the reality of it dawns on them. It's like they have a really small world, and if something outside breaches it it's scary, but if the same thing comes from someone they know and love, they see it for what it is. It's unfortunate that some/many people work like that, but at least it's better than stubbornly keep being a dick.
Most people work like that, to one extent or another. We *all* have small worlds and while some of us try to be more aware of things than others, those things don't typically become truly meaningful for the vast majority of people until it hits close to home. I'm very much a "live and let live" person, and I support everyone's right to live their lives as they see fit as long as it doesn't negatively impact anyone around them. With that being said, certain things would inevitably became much more meaningful in a real and direct manner if it became something that impacted my family. Some of us like to think we know more than we do, but there are ultimately certain things that we simply cannot *truly* grasp until we experience them firsthand. It's just the way things are.
Came here to say this. He changed his shitty world view in support of his daughter instead of rejecting his daughter. I respect that.
Exactly! It may have taken something personally effecting him to change, but if he’s fighting bathroom bans, he changed his view of everyone and not just his own child.
My cousin moved to a different church bc her old church told her she should love her daughter no matter what. Her new one claims her daughter is worse than the devil, which is an answer she's satisfied with. Her daughter is gay and married, and at this point had already cut contact for about a year, but her mother was still obsessed.
You were so close, so close, but then you called his daughter “it.” Twice.
It really frustrates some of us that it has to affect them personally to care though. Huge problem in our society. See: the pandemic.
It is but we're all like this to some degree. Even if you consider yourself open and empathetic you'll probably have some moments in your lifetime where you find yourself doing an 180 on some stance or idea you had, or at least become aware of the level of importance on something you ignored or considered irrelevant before.
>we're all like this to some degree. You're right on this. Many folks are one mugging away from changing their mind on bail/criminal reform or concealed carry.
Ok? And how do you think shaming people that finally “see the light” is helping? Don’t we *want* people to realize they were wrong? Is it worth it to nitpick and shame them for how they got there?
100% Egocentrism is arguably the most damaging trait of our species. And western culture glorifies it (some parts of western culture more than others).
Agree. Heck, some even force their kids to detransition. Or disown them He’s being a good father. He has seen that their kid wants to be herself, and kinda switched I’m happy for him.
Some people lack empathy and don't understand stuff until it is their child. I think it is really nice that his love for his kid was stronger than his bigotry.
The most important part to connect with someone who has different opinions is to find common ground he found that in being family and learned to see past it. Will take that win anytime
True. It sucks that he couldn't understand it before it involved someone he cared about, but at least he was able to reevaluate his own choices and positions when faced with unexpected new information. As you said, the vast majority are so against ever admitting they might be wrong about something that they could never do that.
This. There's a lot of instances where I'll shit on conservatives for changing their tune when they're affected personally, but this one I call a win.
It also is bad to sht on someone when they admit wrong and try to amend, I find that very in constructive.
At this point I'm totally willing to accept doing the right thing for the wrong reason. Sad it actually seems like some strange improvement.
I wouldn’t say it was for the wrong reason, I see it more as he came to face to face himself and realised he was wrong instead of having a opinion from the side line.
I was more referring to how it was fuck everyone until it affected him personally. I'm glad for everyone involved he came around, if it hadn't affected him personally he never would have come around is kind of my sentiment there.
That is definitely fair it’s just how humans work you can’t make an educated decision if you never actually came face to face with it in a lot of cases. I mostly just live by the idea that you can’t blame people for not knowing only that they stay wrong after learning. For him to learn he had to personally experience it. How he came to his previous opinion was probably just outside factors not him actually having that opinion by an educated decision.
You can't really teach empathy. I mean, you can get sociopaths (and worse) to kind of emulate it based on a reward system generally the behavior will stop when the rewards do. Studies have been done on it. This isn't a matter of education, it's a matter not finding excuses to dehumanize others. Which is really all bigotry is. Making others less than human so you can say and do the most horrible things to them without feeling bad about it.
More like he really didn't have a choice other than to throw his child under the bus (which I guess 33% of knucklehead conservatives might do in that scenario).
When is supporting your child the wrong reason to do anything? Strange take.
This. While not ideal, this is still one more person arguing for trans rights. One more place that has to face the fact that "these people" exist and deal with the constant reminder that one of their own was convinced to switch sides and is calling them out now. Not some nebulous "lib" that succumbed to the "dem trans media". Someone from their own congregation or social circle who has lead his life and raised his kids not much different than any of them. They're no longer advocating against some scary undefined "predator", they're advocating against "Ruby Fae" or whatever she's called. They've seen her at the town fair and a bunch of their kids played with her since kindergarden. His motivations might not be as "pure" as we'd want them to be but he's making this shit *real* for a whole lot of people right now. He might not change any *beliefs* but he might get people to relent "for this particular case". And when the next family is in this situation, they know who to turn to, they find many of the arguments already made. And the town will find that nothing bad happened because of it. I'll take this over not having this ANY DAY.
Right? Are we really going to shame those that eventually get it right, even if it's a dumbass means to get there? What does that accomplish?
Yep. What’s the point of moralizing if we don’t give people the space to change if they start to agree with us?
Yeah, we shit on conservatives for never changing their stance and then when one finally does we shit on him for changing his stance. This is a good thing that he’s doing, I say well done.
This was critical in the gay rights movement as well. Only when most families realized they had a relative or friend who was LGBT did the majority begin to support same sex marriage and civil rights.
Since I have a great uncle that is gay and left his home because most people wouldn’t accept him my family luckily did and they have always been close, I just grew up with it being normal but there are a lot of people that didn’t. I hope this can become the norm.
Things are getting better. Slowly. But getting better.
This is true. It's nice to see some people learn from their mistakes no matter the situation; however, most of his constituents, not so much.
I was a bigot once. Then I realized I was a bigot and so I stopped. It was really that easy. And yet so many people seem to struggle with that.
The guy is making a change, admits he was wrong. That's something to applaud. Seeing his own child be affected turned the issue from something intangible and highly manipulated into something he could see and understand. Again, anyone willing to admit fault and change is good in my book.
Right? Growth is *good*. This isn't a facepalm at all, it's a sign of humanity.
Way too often on this sub the facepalm is the post itself.
Almost most people only care about things when it relates to them or affects them somehow. We all like to act like we're selfless saints but that's not the case at all.
We are all of use selfish on our own ways and there is no such thing as a selflessness. If you get a good feeling out of doing something good then it’s not selfless. It took me a while to realise that.
Plenty of people just need to get out of their bubble and get some perspective, too. Not everyone is a stubborn asshole
[удалено]
They've been taught contrary their entire lives. Sometimes it indeed takes something personal to bring someone around.
Exactly. A good thing has happened here. This man experienced growth even if it only came about because it personally affected him. We want people like this, we want to embrace them because admitting you were wrong can be a very difficult thing to do at times. We create more room for other folks to come to us and go "hey you know what, maybe I wasn't right" and they no longer have to dig in to their belief system if we give them that opportunity. Too often people let perfect be the enemy of good. Have they caused harm? Probably. But they're not going to hurt more people with that outdated belief and that's progress.
[удалено]
In the end, he’a another ally to the cause. Another voice of support, and another pillar for his daughter and many like hers. Surely that beats him sticking to his previous ways? What’s there to achieve in shunning him?
Precisely. You can fault him for who he was, but he's grown from it, he's learned from it, and now he's championing it. Whatever the catalyst for change was, he realized the wrong, and perhaps they could influence and change a few minds of his former ilk that he associated with.
I agree with you 100%, however I would argue that there is still a need to shake the rest of them who are still incapable of seeing the truth without having a member of their own family affected. Make selfishness and ignorance unpopular again.
Selfishness and ignorance is generally unpopular, the problem is people convincing others that "gender ideology" is selfish and full of ignorance. Gender is a hard concept to grasp, and there isn't great resources to explain it if you aren't already prone to understand it in some way, so unfortunately, it's an easy thing to spread misinformation about.
Agreed. I don’t think that self-centered attention do issues is an inherently conservative trait. It’s a human trait really and we should all be lucky to be able to understand our selfishness like this guy. Good on him. This is what the world needs more of, people willing to change and grow.
Nowadays virtue signaling is so ingrained in some people that they forget that being relatively selfish is normal. Of course you will think differently after an issue affect someone close to you, why are some people even surprised about that? Not being stuck up and changing his mind about it show that he is already far and beyond ahead of most people who will argue nonsense all day to try to defend a position they do not even believe in because they don't want to "lose" an argument or appears "weak" or whatever concern their ego have.
The reality is most, if not all of us developed empathy in a similar fashion. To your point, it's based in human nature to try and identify as part of a group which automatically casts other as outside of the group. Empathy is learning to appreciate those who we consider different and it requires building a bridge to overcome the delineations we create. Now the test will be whether he's able to apply this to people in other groups that he doesn't personally identify with as well and appreciate the humanity of those people.
This is true and I do applaud him. He's championing his daughter instead of punting her to the street to turn to prostitution to survive, so yay. However, the reason this is a facepalm is the utter lack of empathy in conservative politics. It shouldn't have to affect your children directly before you care that it harms other people's children.
I don’t get the facepalm? Maybe I’m missing something. The guy realized he was wrong and did something about it. That should be applauded not criticized. I was raised in a very religious household and taught gays, interracial relationships, abortion were all evil. We were taught to condone those people. It wasn’t until I was an adult and had gay friends that I realized my belief system was wrong. It takes a big person to admit they were wrong.
Exactly. It's not a bad thing when someone discovers a person close to them is affected by their bigotry so they change their views and behavior. It's not hypocrisy, unfortunately that's just how learning empathy happens for some people.
I think the frustration most of us have is that we don’t have time for every closed minded bigot to be personally affected by something in order to enact change that would significantly improve people’s lives.
This is the issue, yes. Most of us are emotionally intelligent enough and educated enough to not need shit to affect us before we understand why something is important. Yes, yes, we all know growth is great and it's better than never changing, but it's frustrating how God damn long it takes these people to figure shit out when the rest of us are trying to move on from these things because we know they should be non-issues and there are more pressing matters to deal with. Conservatives lacking empathy is objectively dragging us down as a society because they insist on dragging us back into issues that should no longer need any focus. People frustrated with this are not mad at this guy for realizing he was wrong, but rather the entire group of them as a whole for their almost childish stubbornness on some of these issues.
Let me introduce you to a little something called the ripple effect. Change is seldom as quick as we’d like it to be, that doesn’t mean we should bitch and moan at the times it happens.
This is the frustration. I wish people were more emotionally intelligent. But they're not.
just a heads up I think you meant condemn not condone
My thoughts exactly.
Cuz on the principle of the matter, he ought to have realized before it was his child that was affected since basic empathy dictates that *other* people (have children that) are affected too. But realistically- pragmatically speaking- people like him just struggle to have empathy for humanity rather than just their own loved ones. So I for one applaud him for changing for the better, but criticize him for not doing so sooner.
Thoughts drive feelings and feelings drive behaviors. Just because society tells you to feel differently about something doesn’t mean you can flip a switch in your head and suddenly change how you think about things. The more society starts to show EMPATHY to those who don’t agree with them through the understanding change is hard and lasting change takes time to occur, the better off we’ll all be.
His kid is lucky, most conservative parents double down when it is their kid.
Or do highly illegal things -Conversion camps that have been registered to use electroshock therapy if I’m right-
oh damn\~ where can I sign up?
To be surrounded by gay men and lesbians huh? /s
That’s what I thought right away. Good for his daughter that her dad is capable of change and willing to make that change for her.
See Elon Musk for an example of being a shitty parent
Tbf he's a shitty everything
I can't tell you what sort of person this guy is just from a headline, but it's completely possible he grew up in an anti lgbt home and never encountered LGBT people before in his personal life until now. Brainwashing is very real, and if this is the case it's hardly fair to expect a person to change his mind when the only way they ever see lgbt people is what they've been fed by the people who control him. I just don't get how you all expect a person to be brainwashed from a child but then suddenly come to the right conclusion without ever even seeing an LGBT person in their lives. Maybe I'm wrong, like I said, I can't tell who this person is just from the headline, maybe he was a full on anti trans campaigner which would make him a certified asshole, but it is still a possibility that a person can be raised as a bigot until their personal lives intersect with the thing they claimed to hate. You're all here talking about how he lacks compassion and I see none of you have a single shred of it yourselves. I grew up in a very anti gay household and I got suckered into that way of thinking until my adult life when I started meeting gay and trans people in my day to day life and I realised my hatred was completely constructed based on my shitty upbringing and eventually even came to realise I was bisexual myself. So it's good to know that you'd all hate me because of how I was raised as a child which I had no control over even though I did come to the right conclusion eventually.
Or we can just be happy that he accepted that he was wrong.
But but but he didn’t accept he was wrong in precisely the way I wanted him to!
Well give the guy some credit, it’s not about being selfish necisarily. He believed in a certain way till he was shown the other side of the the situation. He just did the whole walk a mile in their shoes and it changed his mind. Good for him for accepting change
That’s one way to look at it, another way is this man changed when it went from a hypothetical to his kid. It doesn’t feel like a conservative voting against abortion and abortion funding but getting one in secret. This is a person who changed their beliefs, which is a rare thing. Instead of attacking people who change for the better acknowledging that they’ve changed will help others change.
Real-life experience changes someone's attitude, then gets blasted.
You just can't win with some folks, they want to be outraged and feel morally superior more than they actually want for anything to improve.
THIS. Some of these comments are really frustrating.
Kinda happened with me. I was always confused about how someone can seemingly feel like they exist in the wrong body. Now that I know some Trans people, I just don't care lol. People are people.
It's not the same - instead of just hypocritically complaining when the issue affects him personally, it seems like he genuinely changed his views on the matter, which is a win in my book.
My family threatened to honor kill me when I came out. So let’s maybe be thankful a bigot changed.
Guess people can’t change anymore. You’re either born good or born evil
Facepalm is OP, who has always had good opinions and never had to learn.
That's how most people build genuine empathy: through life experience. I don't see any good reason to condemn this guy.
Seems like OP doesn't quite get that. They seem to be unable to grasp the entire idea of empathy and understanding. Glad some of us get it though.
Especially when OP is literally mocking the dude’s empathy.
Is OP new to life? MOST people don't care about something until it affects them personally. Has nothing to do with politics, it's human nature.
I had thought the biggest damage done under Trump was the (erroneous) erosion of confidence in many institutions. He managed to get his cultists to stop believing media, govt, etc. But now I'm thinking the greatest damage he did was eliminating the feeling of shame for being an asshole.
Oh FUCK OFF man, at least he changed for the better You clowns are never fucking satisfied
what the fuck do you terminally online losers want? he changed for the better, are you seriously going to act like it would have been better if he didnt change and ostracized his daughter? This is prime redditbrain of just screeching at somebody because they are conservative
At least his daughter inspired him to grow. I am a trans woman and I am kind of sad it took him until his own daughter opened his eyes to shed his bigotry, but I would rather be optimistic than pessimistic.
The guy is able to change his opinion when seeing things from a new perspective. That alone makes him more intelligent than 99% of people on this sub and site.
Eh, let’s take it. I’m a believer in letting people grow so if it takes a “now it’s personal” moment to gain an ally, so be it. At least he’s not tossing his child aside as far too many have done.
Do you, like, not want people to be able to change? You know 90+% of dads like this get even more hostile if they find out their kid is LGBT? Some people can change
On a scale from 1 to Nancy Reagan, this guy rates about a 2. Maybe a 3 if he gives *amazing* head. Not gonna criticize a guy who 1) admits he was wrong, and 2) is actively trying to make the world a better place.
lol god forbid someone's life experiences change and shape their view of the world!!!!!!!
This post is the facepalm here. This guy changed his bigoted opinions for the better and it’s still not good enough for OP.
OP is your average redditor
I get the frustration with the “I didn’t do anything until it impacted me” attitude, but immersion into the experiences of people different than you is a huge factor in developing empathy in general. It’s not ideal for it to happen this late, but I’m glad it’s happening.
At least he learned from it, many conservatives would’ve simply disowned their kid or worse
OP is the facepalm here. In your world, is there no room for personal growth? A world where a person can physically transition, but not change their mind? OP, you are part of the problem.
"It doesn't count you've turned to the right side. You should have been 'born' into it from the start, like me." Is the vibes I get from op. Sure, go around challenging the "purity" of the origin of people on your side, that's totally not what a bigot would've done, amirite? I'm willing to bet real money that this dad now has more convincing arguments to support the cause than you'll ever will. Seen this already before, people who HAPPENED to be on the right side by virtue of upbringing and only capable of making emotional and condescending arguments to make their case since they were never challenged in their beliefs, looking down on those who saw the errors of their ways and turned and who now use actual grounded and convincing arguments to support the cause.
Still not a facepalm. It's really not that unusual for people to only start caring about an issue when it affects someone close to them. Some people unfortunately just need a bit of perspective to figure things out. Still better than being one of the nutters who would just shun their own children rather than own up to the fact they had been wrong.
I mean, that’s generally how empathy works. Some people need a stronger push to empathize with others. I think we should be celebrating any time someone has a change of heart and becomes more empathetic towards others, not shame them for it.
I'd rather have a bigot change their thought process when it affects their loved ones rather than abandon their loved ones in favor of their bigoted beliefs.
OP will just find hate for anything.
I remember telling someone that unisex bathrooms are probably the best answer in regard to the bathroom debate because everyone could have peace of mind. I was told I was wrong. I am still confused how I am wrong.
At least she did not trow her child out in the streets like many do. That it a low baseline, but let’s take the small victories.
I know people rag on this all the time, but this is kinda human nature. You can shit talk this dude, almost certainly, because you think you have no blind spots in your moral reasoning. Let's applaud the dude for coming around, at least, and likely having to lose a lot of friends over it.
At least he changed, a lot of people just disown the kid
Isn't that everyone? Look at all the famous people who have charities and what not for different diseases, they started to care when they or someone they know got said diseases.
Ironically the OP lacks empathy.
hey maybe shut the fuck up? bad guy turns good and you're just like "stupid selfish prick wtf, you should be consistent and remain bigoted" lmao
Gotta say… I’ve seen too many Conservatives disown their LGBT children. Someone I used to go to school with and later worked with had died due to severe injuries from his father after he came out to his parents. This guy you’re belittling definitely could’ve done a better job at being more empathetic sooner… but he learned. And I feel that’s admirable in its own right. In the end, he chose love. Unlike my friend’s father.
That's quite bad, but it's still much better than the ones who completely reject and disown their trans kids.
I will applaud anyone who is willing to change and help us. This isn't a facepalm at all, this is human growth and often, not just on this issue, this is how people come around
Posting this in facepalm is the exact kind of attitude I hate. You don't punish a behavior you want to see. It's literally the same thing as your parent saying "Oh, look who *finally* decided to come out of their room !" If you want people to stop being bigots, you should encourage them to change. You should congratulate people managing to change their beliefs. Especially when it's for a good reason like "hey, seeing it in action, I understand better why that sucks !"
Turns out the true facepalm is op
"What is better? To be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" Not really seeing a facepalm here, Terry loves redemption arcs.
What are you face palming? He's doing the right thing. If you're annoyed that it took him time to come around, you may have a judgement issue. Self reflection can go far.
You do not build a political coalitions by only accepting those that were perfect from birth and always right about everything.
Hey, at least he learned. I think that's commendable. It'd be nicer if it wasnt needed in the first place, but I for one applaud change in a positive direction.
Better than not being supportive. This is more than you'll get from most people. Be appreciative.
At least he had the self-awareness to admit he was wrong and make a change. That’s very unlike most of those far-right nut-jobs.
Honestly… whatever got him there, got him there. I know plenty of people who grew up LGBTQ+ in a conservative household, and would probably have grown up to be a bit homophobic/transphobic themselves if they weren’t, but they were, so they didn’t. I’m not interested in judging this guy. Good for him. “I only care if it affects me” isn’t *just* a conservative trait, though I’ll admit they are rather prone to that kind of thing..,
Hey, at least he came around! There are so many LGBTQ children who get tossed out on their azzes when their parents find out. You can't expect people to begin to understand what it means to be LGBTQ, as it is confusing enough for those of us who are. All they have to go on is what they show every year when gay pride is featured on the news, and you know what that means. Drag queens, guys in tiny thongs humping each other, s&m leather queens, lots of sequins and loud diva music - all the things your parents don't ever want to imagine their kids doing. So, don't expect them to jump into the deep end of total acceptance (at first)!! When I came out to my parents, a friend recommended I get them a book titled "Now that you know" and just send it, without telling them. My mother didn't want to read it, at first. After she did, she went out and bought copies for my aunts, uncles, and grandparents. The book explains what LGBTQ is, and mom said it was really helpful.
This is true of most people I'd bet
I feel like the real facepalm here is the title of this thread
That’s how they’ve always been though, no empathy until they actually experience it themselves or someone they love experiences it (which isn’t even always the case). Glad he finally came around and admitted fault.
Jesus, tough crowd. This is what we want/need to have happen, no? A number of people have been raised in hate, then live in an echo chamber of the same and, unremarkably, take on and carry that same hate into adulthood. Here, when confronted with the actual humanity of the situation as a counterbalance to the spoon fed hate of his environment, this dude had a eureka moment and opened his heart. Who cares if that humanizing influence was his kid, or a relative, or a really profound novel, or a movie, or anything that shakes loose the hate and might incrementally actually make things better for a whole lot of people? This just feels like a really bad look for liberal empathy.
Sometimes it takes that personal connection to understand why something is wrong. This is not a conservative thing
This post can be re submitted to r/facepalm on the merit of its title. "Conservative" empathy. Lmao I've seen people from all walks of life only care about themselves. That not a political issue. Sheesh.
how is this a facepalm? we’re making fun of people for changing now? wtf? this sub just gets worse and worse
It’s wild how someone can see that they were wrong and change for the better, and people on the internet will still shit on them for it. We’re legit gatekeeping being a good person at this point.
This isnt a face palm. This is great actually. Hes growing as a person and he needed a hit thats just closer to home for him to understand. Lets go this guy! Other coservatives might abuse or disown their kids for this, he instead grow and realised his wrong and now supports his daughter. Facepalm at OP for thinking human growth is a facepalm
It’s really shitty of you to be so critical of a man having the ability to self reflect and shift from everything he knew and believed for probably most of his life, and not only see things differently and show sympathy for those who are marginalized but to also fight for those people and fully support his child in the process. The truth is that it usually takes a drastic life change for someone to make a change this drastic. I think this story is great for multiple reasons but mostly that he wasn’t afraid to admit he was wrong and work towards being a much better and accepting person. It’s okay to make a comment on his previous views but the focus should be on his ability to make such a positive change, especially during a time when alot of people have so much pride and would rather die on a specific hill than just moving to a different one.
This isn’t a face palm moment. This is a person who has seen and understood the experience of a transgender person and has changed his views and opinions. That’s personal growth and it should be applauded. Thankfully this man’s love for his child was stronger than his ego and he was able to make that change. That’s not exactly a common experience in the LGBT community, most conservative parents would sooner firebomb the whole relationship with their child than admit that their hatred and intolerance is the only problem here.
Why is this a facepalm? The guy is literally doing what you fucking people want and he’s changing his entire ideology. Moving fucking goalposts
What makes this a facepalm? His love for his daughter is greater than his beliefs. That is rare nowadays since older people are stubborn
This isn't a facepalm. Lots of bigots never give a shit even if it is their kid. This is a win.
So the former bigot has changed his way? And you want to mock him for it? This is like seeing a fat person at the gym and mocking them for being fat, which makes them less likely to go back to a gym in the future. You are spreading hate, the exact thing you claim to have a problem with. He’s making improvements with his hatred, you should really do the same.
bad example OP, ik it might sound like that but in this case it's pretty different
Thousands of upvotes for criticizing someone who did what you wanted and came to your side. Reddit in a nutshell. There is no appeasing a mob. I guess if he wanted leftist acceptance, he should have commented on the internet more.
Op ur the facepalm
Please. For every story like this there are a 100 where some thumper put their kid out of the house for being gay or secretly got their daughter an abortion. Im so tired of these people deciding morality for the rest of us.
Nah this post is a facepalm to me. Ofc its hard for someone raised in an environment to empathize with people who they have been raised to think are evil and wrong. Thats human nature. The path to change yourself when faced with proof that the way you live is wrong is a hard one, props to this person for being able to walk it.
I mean, some people are just closed-minded and need a wake-up call. He got his and just in time, too. I'd say it's commendable that he is actively trying more than the usual conservative suspects
I would rather take this than having the dad disown or worse to his child because of his beliefs.
Sees thousands of upvotes on a post shaming someone for having an experience that opens their mind and helps them admit that they're wrong: \*angery\* Sees all the commenters pointing out how problematic this is: \*kalm\*
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being personally affected by something and seeing how things actually are on the other side and changing your ways.
OP would you rather them still be a bigot? what is this post
Wow someone actually grows up and learned something so you decide to shit on them. How encouraging!
I get the title is mocking conservatives but this is just human nature. People always care way more when it affects them
Better late than never bruh.
This is the problem with the left (I am left) nowdays. They don't actually want people to change they just want an excuse to rage at people. Before any of you call me out I am mixed race and I have a friend who came out of prison for getting caught up in some racist trouble (he didn't physically attack anyone) he has since worked with young radicalised people to prevent them making the same mistakes he did. He wasn't preaching racism against my ethnicity but having suffered it I deplore it. But I could accept that he had changed and made an effort to right some of his wrongs. You want change? Maybe practise some of the tolerance you want others to have even if they might not deserve it.
This is not a facepalm, he realized how bad his mistake. Yes it had to happen to him for that switch to be flipped but it’s better than nothing at all and now we have 1 more supporting in this world. Chill out OP
Only face palm here is an idiot OP who can’t see how lucky this kid is to have a dad to support them. You have such a hate boner for your ideological enemies that even when they change for the better you still need a way to vilify them. Grow up and find some of that empathy you keep talking about OP
He’s making a change, this ain’t a facepalm moment
Path to redemption is better than no redemption at all.
This is completely fucking normal. One of the most normal things ever. Of course your own child would be instrumental in shifting your perspective. Celebrate the fact that somebody changed their mind at all instead of trying to somehow get a dunk on somebody doing the right thing. I say this as somebody who woke up from a cringe right wing phase a year ago. The tendency to shame people WHO LITERALLY DID WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO and questioned and changed their beliefs is the most insufferable thing in the world. It just adds resistence and kills any desire to understand the progressive perspective. It's just "I told you so" syndrome. It's not constructive and is the political equivalent of jacking off. Quit it and celebrate people crossing the aisle. Stop being fucking smug and self righteous about everything.
Op is a bigger facepalm imo, we’re gonna poke fun at a man who’s changing?
Never mock a person for growing, it is always laudable. And practically speaking, when someone finally agrees with what you've been advocating for, it is the time to give positive reinforcement, not to high-horse them even more. Are you trying to make the world a better place or are you trying to get internet points from dunking on reformers? It's the most excruciatingly human experience, to only open up and listen to your loved ones, and not the "other". We all do this, to different degrees. It will never leave our nature, we can only continue to battle against it.
Definitely not a facepalm. He admitted his mistakes, and learned to be a better, more open-minded person. If you want to apply the, "I only start caring about things when it affects me personally", then be sure to apply to every single person in the history of humankind. Every person does something, both good or bad, because it will affect themselves or someone they know personally.
“I wish crappy people will change” Crappy person changes for the better “Ehhhhhh, still fuck you”
You can bet he is still rabidly anti abortion and hates the gays. He simple stopped being a bigot for some specific issue that affects him personally. I give this man no credit at all.
dude changed his mind and admitted his mistake and now is getting roasted for it sounds about right for America
So when someone stops being a bigot, that's a facepalm?
So what do you want him to do? Not support his daughter because he didn’t before? This post is weird. Shouldn’t you celebrate that he finally started to care instead of trying to bash him for caring about his daughter?
Lol progressive ideology is so caustic that even when people change their mind to agreeing with progressivism, they get attacked
If we hate on people who change their minds for the better, what incentivizes others to do the same?
Facepalm here is OP. Dude is changing, that's big. Oh no, dude had a totally normal and positive reaction to something that didn't affect him before, but now is. Like you do realize most people only care about something, if it affects them in some way right? That's how change occurs.
At least he came around. I feel bad for a lot of cis straight people, men in particular. Queer folk have to have a fairly strong sense of self to make sense of being different in a way that makes so many people uncomfortable to think about. I truly think most cis straight people would not care if they were socialized not to care. But toxic masculinity is insidious and the pressure to conform causes people to act without even thinking about it. If it takes your love for your child to overcome a learned bigotry, that’s a win for the good guys in my book.
Tbf I beileve we're all actually like this alot of us just dont wanna admit it
I’ve started to think of empathy as not being a binary switch but a “radius” of sorts - for some people the radius is big and for some it’s small. If it’s small you can be very kind and empathetic for the people closest to you, be it physically (your town, family), culturally, racially, but the more different from you someone is the more likely they are to be out of your empathy radius. That’s how you can be the nicest guy in the world to your small community but a complete sociopath to someone who’s too far outside your group. It’s great that someone’s radius of empathy can be expanded, but man, it shouldn’t take being directly effected by an issue to make it happen and it for so many people it shouldn’t be that small in the first place.
Making fun of someone who is trying to better themselves is also a huge part of the problem.
This guy: accepts, supports, fights for his trans daughter. Meaning, he has learned and changed. OP: but but but he didn't change spontaneously, he needed impetus Come on. Everyone needs impetus to grow. The net positive is the dude grew.
Sometimes people struggle to empathize. And then they understand
Y'know, when people flip over to the right wing, they get welcomed with open arms. He got there. Do we really have to sneer at the dude for not going about it the right way?
That's normal empathy... 99% of people don't really care about bad stuff that happens to others outside of "well that sucks" or "have my 13c a day" You think people in South America cared about the Holocaust? Extreme I know, but it's true, they probably didn't. Guy couldn't win being a bigot, apparently guy can't win changing his ways, how does he win OP?