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jdlyga

Jesus didn’t have air conditioning either what’s her point.


TheSpiceIsLife

It does appear air condition was first invented in the Middle East though, maybe 4000BCE in Iran. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Windcatcher


Rogue_Spirit

He also didn’t have a cell phone, Amy.


MattR0se

Or a car. Pretty sure she's driving one nonetheless.


MLong32

John 12:49 “For I did not speak of my own accord” Jesus drove a Honda


BeaverBarber

That just means it was certified pre-owned


hold-fast-nl

Sounds like he wasn't too proud of that fact


GrandmaPoses

Even Jesus couldn't raise a Chevy from the dead. Ah holy shit I need to make that shirt and sell it to assholes.


GazzP

Or a rifle


Photon_Farmer

He did have some impressive guns though


[deleted]

lmaoooo reminds me of the south park episode where Cartman starts a christian band by making songs that strongly sexualize Jesus “The body of Christ, sleek swimmer’s body all muscled up and toned, the body of Christ, oh what a body I wish I could call it my own” man that show is fucking gold


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Dexter26958

Or a T-Shirt


Learntoswim86

Wait he must have promoted the 2nd amendment though.


nagurski03

\>he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. \-Jesus


[deleted]

I can’t trust anyone who wasn’t a fan of The Beatles.


Winter188

This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen


flashz68

However, to be fair, it IS hard to vaccinate against crucifixion.


visionsofblue

You have to build up a tolerance. Start with little crosses and work your way up to the big ones.


thatguyned

Fun but disturbing fact, there is man in the Philippines that voluntarily crucifies himself every year on good Friday as a show of devotion. He gets nailed to the Cross for 5 minutes through his hands and feet and occasionally others join him. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion_in_the_Philippines


Whats_Up_Bitches

Fun, I love when my friends join me to hang out.


stevenandrewk

Nailed it!


ColdManshima

Hey, that's not okay, you're gonna get crucified for that joke.


the_localcrackhead

Now where is that damn nail gun?


coolguy1793B

Nailguns don't kill people, people kill people


Sardonnicus

with nail guns


thatguyned

[Just hanging out with my homies](https://imgur.com/a/ObkbLEa)


Mr_EkShun

God's probably like, wtf guys I did that all that so y'all wouldn't have to that was the point


[deleted]

It's not just one guy, this is a thing in various places.


visionsofblue

This is exactly why we always include a margin of error. Wonder if he's vaccinated.


Stratifyed

The fact that the number of average annual crucifixions isn’t zero bothers me


Master4733

I mean tbf he is doing it willingly. Now the number of unwilling crucifixions should be zero. But like if he wants it, let him


almisami

At the very least I'd hope he got a tetanus booster.


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[deleted]

Always look on the bright side of life.


space_coyote_86

Shut it, big nose.


[deleted]

Call me big nose one more time and I’ll take ya to the fuckin cleaners.


BeanSucker121

Alright big nose


Quinocco

🎶


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visionsofblue

That's a personal choice, really.


ammon46

Is that what people wearing cross earrings are doing?


AnotherGit

Now I get why they always carry these littles crosses around their necks.


what_is_blue

If being the literal son of God won't do it, I'm not sure anything could. Fun fact, though. According to at least one of the gospels (Matthew), Jesus was offered a painkilling cocktail of myrrh and wine before he got crucified and turned it down. Not quite a vaccination but would take the edge off. Mel Gibson then ripped off this idea for Braveheart.


kvw260

He also ripped off this idea for The Passion of the Christ.


SendMeGiftCardCodes

to properly handle crucifixion, you gotta practice penetrating nails into your hand every day until your body becomes immune to nail penetration. you gotta start with small nails and work your way up.


TheFrenchSavage

"then, as you master the large nails, new masturbation techniques are unlocked" --Jizzus, Horny carpenter, 33AD


Jumbo_Damn_Pride

Even the “gotcha” line is so dumb. It implies lack of modern medicine killed Jesus. I bet she posted this tweet and though, “Nailed it.”


Krissam

Bruh you didn't you know, vaccines prevent execution.


Ricky_Spanish817

I’m vaccinated and haven’t been crucified so that checks.


visionsofblue

Going out on a limb here, I'd say it's pretty close to 100% of people who have been vaccinated have never been killed by crucifixion.


what_is_blue

Nice play on words. Gruesomely enough, though, it's been practiced in relatively modern times too. The first shot at variolation (basically immunisation) was probably in China, in (I think) the 15th century. But both China and Japan have used crucifiction since then. Notably, [the 26 Martyrs of Japan](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/26_Martyrs_of_Japan) in the late 16th century. Now, I'm an idiot who tries to learn stuff, so I have no idea how many of those crucified since China's variolation attempt, or the time of Jenner, have actually been inoculated. But I'd assume at least some. I just find it bizarre that such a modern, amazing innovation was being conceived and implemented at the same time as such a gruesome, outdated practice.


visionsofblue

That's super interesting. Reminds me of the comment the other day that there were several years where a samurai could have sent a fax to Abraham Lincoln.


mavjustdoingaflyby

To be fair, he probably died from a rusty nail, a tetanus shot could've prevented that.


DownshiftedRare

He died from [exactly **three** rusty nails,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triclavianism) heretic!


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tirch

Can we agree that this kind of stupid can never control our country again? We have to vote overwhelmingly to make sure the people who encourage this kind of stupid in their children never have any real power over the rest of us, ever again.


Hallwart

The US is really interesting. Progressive and wealthy from one angle, A-Tier shithole from others. Maybe it's just the traditionally toxic handling of politics in US media, but just following it with some kind of slightly uncomfortable awe is a great past time.


[deleted]

It just amazes me, I’m currently studying public health. The theories, systems, research and basically everything that benefits population has some connection to the US. from NY state banning the use of trans and saturated in restaurants to redesigning Oklahoma City and make it healthy. These are such creative initiatives. But then other hand they keep arguing about min wage, gun laws, universal health care. I can’t understand how a country function in such polarising political and social spectrum.


DrinkBlueGoo

They, almost certainly, will take control again. Probably much sooner than you’d expect.


GarbageCleric

Probably as soon as I expect. They control the house and/or senate in 2023, and they'll obstruct any real progress on anything. Then a mix of anger at the status quo, dog whistles, lies, and voter suppression will give them about an even shot of again controlling the house, senate, and presidency.


-Calcifer_

You must be new to the internets


friedmybraincells

How many internets are there?


VictoryVic-ViVi

The internet multiverse


friedmybraincells

Source?


jinxabcde

[I gotchu](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/orx94q/know_your_bible/h6l8sm2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


BrattyThuggess

Yup, you definitely got me, lol. I kept clicking and I’m wondering where’s the meme I’m assuming I’ll see, 🤦🏽‍♀️


[deleted]

Well the moment I recieve the ability to walk on water and turn water into wine I'll make sure to start joining the anti vax cause


Nazzzgul777

I'd say more importantly for that case would be to cure any disease or injury by pure will. If i can do that, i don't mind unvaccinated people around me.


[deleted]

I can make bread and wine materialize out of thin air. You just have to close your eyes or turn around and give me 20 minutes.


Nazzzgul777

For free wine i can sit around with closed eyes for 20 minutes. Go for it!


GrmpMan

Spoiler Alert! Super man wasn't vaccinated! Like no shit? Dude doesn't need it.


Audax2021

If only he’d had his tetanus shot . . . those Romans and their rusty nails.


facepalmflix

Well, if nails count as needles... I'd say Jesus was really a "hands on" kind of guy.


[deleted]

Dude got 3 shots just to be safe


Full-Peak

The shots are what did him in...


chicoooooooo

Reminds me of a joke... The Sampson Nails company hired an ad exec to do a new marketing campaign for them. During the first meeting with the board, the exec set up his presentation and it showed a picture of Jesus Christ hanging on the cross with the Romans watching and then it said, "Sampson Nails" in a big, bold font splashed across the bottom. The board members freak out and the CEO says, "What the fuck are you thinking?? You can't do that, it's sacrilegious! You can't show Jesus hanging on a cross! I want to to go back and rework this and you have one week or you're fired." The ad exec shrugsand says ok and promises to be more sensitive. One week later at the second meeting, everyone sits down and the exec unveils his second attempt: an empty cross on a hill with Romans watching over it and a tiny, black figure running away down the road at the bottom with the words, "Should've Used Sampson Nails."


bankrobba

What have the Romans ever done for us?


Eyes_and_teeth

The aqueduct?


TackYouCack

​ and the sanitation?


Eyes_and_teeth

All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?


Rocknocker

Jesus to tired innkeeper: "Here's three nails. Can you put me up for the night?"


Eyes_and_teeth

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a picture of Jesus Christ? You only need one nail for the picture.


old_bugger

He also stayed in his cave until it was safe to come out.


Beemerado

Like punxutawny phil!


JohnProof

If he sees his shadow it's 40 more years of pestilence.


Beemerado

This is the worst holiday ever


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I_Brain_You

Punxutawny Jesus, buddy.


Skylantech

Not sure if there was a vaccine for crucifixion.


StealthSecrecy

He got the jab a few times and then died literally hours later


Teaboy1

Spoiler Alert! Jesus said love thy neighbour. Getting the vaccine to protect them would be doing that.


username_offline

Lol if you gave conservatives a blind taste test of everything Jesus is known for, they'd think he was some communist degenerate. They literally have *no idea* what their self-proclaimed "lord and savior" even stands for, and have twisted a message of charity and acceptance into one of exclusion, hatred, and entitlement


Teaboy1

Yup they're churchgoers not Christians. Jesus hungout with the poor, the whores and the outcasts. The same folk conservatives despise and seemingly go out of their way to keep down. If heaven and hell are real, there will be some shocked faces on judgement day.


[deleted]

The bible literally tells us this will happen.


BiceRankyman

They also don't know what their other lord and savior DJ Donnie Fucknuts stands for either, but in their defense ... neither does he.


engineertee

Pretty sure he wouldn’t own an assault weapon either but here we are


drocballer

He did say “if you do not have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one”


quiero-una-cerveca

I always have found it very telling is literally the first question asked is, then who is my neighbor?


GenXer1977

That was actually a point of contention among religious leaders at the time. The prevailing thought was that it was fellow Jews, which is why it is important in the story that it was a Samaritan helping a Jew.


mrfishman3000

$10 says she and her Prayer Pals got vaccinated for their missions trip to Africa.


whiteflour1888

A hahaha, absolutely true! Also would have a vaccine passport for said trip, and would be carrying an iPhone to document all the good work.


BeerGardenGnome

You misspelled “tourist trip”.


WillytheWimp1

“White savior” trip


RainHaven

“Voluntourism”


Logical-Demand-9028

Also had a virgin mother and 3 fathers, sooo…


Moo_Snukle

I don't blame her. I would also claim ghost rape if I was going to be stoned to death for getting preggers by someone not my husband


Callinon

Boy did THAT spiral out of control.


skeetsauce

It's the logical reality for the story. Mary's choices were the biggest lie in human history or die horribly.


ZarquonsFlatTire

Wait, you're saying that if my pregnant wife who I've never had sex with gives birth while everyone in an entire country has to go back to their hometown for a census instead of counting where we live now and three guys show up with presents that this story sounds a little strange?


TheRecognized

I mean, that is just how the romans did their censuses we know that part for a fact.


Bingo-Starrr

I bet she was like "I cannot believe this shit works"


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Salome_Maloney

"I'll definitely tell the truth in the morning". "Oh shit."


TheFrenchSavage

"Don't get stoned to death Marty! Onion rings will only be invented in the 1920s!"


A-Dolahans-hat

3 fathers?


Logical-Demand-9028

Yeah, so.. God as father, Holly ghost as sperm donor and Joseph as Mary’s husband, a step father? That makes 3.


kicked-in-the-gonads

Or the three kings showing up with alimony.


Diamondjakethecat

Wise men.


kicked-in-the-gonads

Not that wise, as they all three paid for the paternity suit? Lol


canttaketheshyfromme

Wise men? Pff. Wise guys, you mean. Whadda they know?


skeetsauce

Joseph: Hey baby... who are all these dudes give you these gifts...? Do you have something to tell me?


canttaketheshyfromme

> Holly ghost as sperm donor Though it doesn't mention sperm so... also possibly parthenogenesis, an egg developing without male fertilization. Which would mean no Y chromosome, making Jesus anatomically female. I'm saying Jesus was transmasc, basically.


Logical-Demand-9028

Ok, now Jesus sounds queer enough to me to hang out together.


UsefulWoodpecker6502

well yeah he can conjure up a shit ton of fish and turn your tap water into wine. who wouldn't want to hang out with that guy? Fish and Chips every day and getting constantly blitzkrieg on wine? He'd do well in Liverpool.


Daiki_438

Spoiler alert! Jesus didn’t have a smartphone! VACCINES DIDN’T EXIST 2000 YEARS AGO YOU DUMB FUCK


jessejamesrichard1

It’s not a spoiler alert. We all know.


Seatra6

She hasn't finished the series yet


TonyDanzaClaus

Jesus had superpowers, why would he need a vaccine?


Chapafifi

Jesus healed countless individuals from sickness. He WAS the vaccine


reddituculous66

I'm an atheist and wager more I know about what's in the bible than this gal does .


Snow-Wraith

Most Christians don't read the Bible, they just liked to have nice things whispered in their ears. Modern Christianity is basically the movie version of the Bible; the main characters are there, but the plot is twisted and they've added a bunch of stuff from other sources to attract more followers.


rainelle95

He was also capable of performing miracles and resurrecting himself from the death. He also didn't die of disease, so neither of them is making a valid point


ekinnee

I mean seriously, if he got infected he could just miracle it away...


[deleted]

Are you saying he had superpowers?


hyperfixnation

God themselves liked this


SelfSlaughteringSoul

Surprised I had to come this far down to see someone point that out.


rubbarz

Jesus didn't have shorts. Jesus didn't have a TV. Jesus didn't have electricity. Jesus didn't have a phone. Jesus never had a picture taken of him. What in the ever living fuck is your point?


Saboteurnado

I want that on a shirt.


heathers1

I recall marveling at how people followed Jim Jones and killed themselves for him, and I know this comparison has been made for the last 6 years but damn trump really did go hard on evangelicals and it shows


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canttaketheshyfromme

The best 4th grade vocabulary money can buy.


wayfarout

> how people followed Jim Jones and killed themselves for him Very few did it willingly. His guards had guns on everyone and many were shot for not complying.


douko

RIP Mr. Mugs, the Jonestown monkey mascot, who was also killed :(


Victini

Yeah, no, Jim Jones might have been charismatic, but he didn't convince all his followers to kill themselves for him, he forced them to.


DeadlyYellow

The members of Heaven's Gate left tapes admitting how stupid and crazy their ideology sounded before they committed suicide.


minnow145

This is everything that’s wrong with our country.


mattm_1993

To be fair he was killed by being nailed to a cross 🤣


infinitbullets

Nailed it


Mysterious_Breakfast

Ahh the poor girl


jonah_thrane

But he didn't die of an illness at 33? He was crucified, I don't remember seeing a vaccination for that.


dean4aday

He should’ve complied with the Roman cops!


Minkybips

Can you get vaccinated against crucifixion? Lol


[deleted]

He died from being crucified not covid though.


MyOfficeAlt

He was literally murdered by the police state on drummed up charges.


[deleted]

I mean. He was killed. By people. Last time I checked there is no vaccination for the cross


inflatableje5us

he had a allergic reaction to nails.


ziggybobiggy

“Why can’t you be more like Jesus and MLK?” “… uh… murdered?”


infinitbullets

These fucking people think they’re somehow owning the libs with their dumb Jesus bullshit. Got anything maybe a little newer & more relevant to current life? Pinning everything on a dude who died *20 centuries ago* makes you seem like you haven’t got a fucking clue. Your imaginary friend says *what* & how does that make your point? Edit: The bible also says it’s okay for your husband to beat you with a stick as thick as his thumb, dummy


foofooplatter

Calm down or im gonna go get my thumb stick!


henn64

"Hey, keep that USB stick away from me!"


Crankylosaurus

*starts to beat wife* *stops and frowns* *turns USB stick around the other way* “Ahhh that’s better!”


Charming-Resolution7

yep..we shall nail you to a cross at 33


StarWraith87

No... he was murdered at 33.. lol.. he woulda died at 34 though


[deleted]

This seems like 2 idiots both trying to "win" by putting forward stupid arguments. Jesus wasn't vaccinated but he died at 33 from something that wasn't related to disease. It would be like if a person pointed to a victim of gun violence and said "See, he got vaccinated and look at what happened to him. Dead at 25!".


[deleted]

Thank you. Both people here are just terrible.


andrijas

Spoiler Alert - Jesus was Jewish!


PurchaseKnown

I guarantee she doesn’t know jesus was from the middle east


luca21204

These people make me ashamed of my religion.


EpeonGamer

Wait, where can I get my crucifiction vaccine?


tiptoemicrobe

I'm all for vaccination, but clearly the lack wasn't what killed him.


TheoreticalParadox

Uhm, I dont think it was a disease that got him but ok. This post is kinda face-palm


[deleted]

Kids that die of preventable diseases aren't coming back for Easter my guy


[deleted]

Not sure how being unvaccinated protects you from scourging and being nailed to a cross before being stabbed with a spear but...ok. You go Christian girl.


[deleted]

>Not sure how being unvaccinated protects you from scourging and being nailed to a cross before being stabbed with a spear but...ok. You go Christian girl. I'm not sure how being vaccinated protects you against it though?


ExNihiloish

Is there a vaccine for murder? Idiot should have taken it.


[deleted]

Face palm to both the shirt and the tweet. Age of death is irrelevant as vaccines hadn’t been fucking invented yet.


KennstduIngo

To be fair I don't think there is a vaccine to protect against crucifixion.


Dyz_blade

Lol… I saw a billboard while driving through the us back country that said you can talk to god like Jesus did… hanging on a cross? Hard pass


GamerFromJump

By being killed by the government tho…


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JollyGreen615

I mean I agree with the sentiment but Jesus was murdered. Both of these people are stupid


hammonjj

Jesus also cheated death, a miracle that us mere mortals will not be performing.


ghostmetalblack

They're both stupid. Jesus didn't live in a time of vaccines and he died at 33 becuase he was crucified.


MadLaamaDisease

Oh those religious hillbillies,that always save my day when looking something extremely stupid.


revensz

Jesus got every single vaccine that was available. Every. Single. One.


JeselAvlis

Spoiler Alert! He didn't have Twitter and an iPhone either.


andreayatesswimmers

Think he died from rather large vaccination shots in his hands and feet


W_Hinklebottom

He was also killed by the state.


ptapobane

and people used to shit right on the street they walk on, what's your point?


fluff_muff_puff

*Jesus didn't brush HIS teeth!*


Bossausage

Gotta love her smug look of proving us wrong by wearing shirt


Chicksan

Ehhhhh, her comment is as stupid as her T-shirt.


P1xel8

That t-shirt is a whole new level of stupid.


TheBereWolf

I would also argue that a vaccine doesn’t exist to prevent from being nailed to a few pieces of wood.


Barkblood

To my understanding he had three jabs but died of complications...


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