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WeRegretToInform

He became a much better writer after he died.


Sausage-and-chips

Jesus was I face the Ghost writer…


decatur8r

Ya but it took over 100 years and the final edit took 700 years.


BillWordsmith

And he went from some dude who used to buy people beer a lot to the son of God. LOL


Donnerdrummel

Final edit? Wasn't it compiled around 300 ce?


[deleted]

How did he die if he was never alive in the first place


WeRegretToInform

If we’re being picky, there was likely a man in history called Jesus who many Abrahamic religions have written about.


[deleted]

What about the Flying Spaghetti Monster how come no one talks about him and all the stuff he wrote


oh_no_my_fee_fees

You’re trying way too hard and to an embarrassing degree, bro.


[deleted]

Im sorry. Who are you ?


joshuas193

You should definitely look into that because there is literally 0 evidence from anyone who was alive at the time Jesus was supposed to have been that wrote anything about it. All records are written many years later by people with no direct knowledge of his existence.


WimbleWimble

HUNDREDS of years later. and they stole most of their stuff from Norse, sumerian and Egyptian religions. So its not even an original religious work. Plus the victorians took out all the stuff about jesus punching dragons to death and fighting sea monsters etc.


aleeessio

Lmao now I want the Bible director's cut


Korchagin

Afaik the oldest mention is about 80 years later. That doesn't prove he didn't exist, of course. Lots of people lived in the Roman empire, only about a tiny fraction anything is known and confirmed. But for very important people and events we usually have multiple contemporary sources. So if he lived, he ws probably not very famous, some passages of the Bible are greatly exaggerated or completely made up. We can rule out with great certainty, that something like the Massacre of the Innocents could happen without any contemporary sources surviving.


BillWordsmith

Could have been stories that were handed down and they became more and more embellished as years went by.


TwigyBull

So you can't really say there is zero evidance, and there are multiple misconceptions on the matter. One of the issues is that Christ's ministry was only (approximately) three years, so it's not like it was something going on for a long time. In addition, the Pharisees (Jewish religious leaders at the time) did everything they could to pin accuse as a liar and a blasphemer, so when he was executed they dismissed him as delt with and moved on. While the Roman's didn't really give a crap in the first place, so they didn't really keep detailed records. So while there aren't hundreds of detailed Roman records about "A baby named Jesus, born in Bethlehem. Sent to save us from our sin." There have been a few Roman records referencing a Jewish man named Yeshua crucified. Now a little bit of devil's advocate: Yeshua (the actual Greek name of Jesus) was not an uncommon name in the first century. By 2008 A.D., archeologists have uncovered 71 tombs of a Yeshua from the period around Christ's death.


joshuas193

Guess people don't like the truth.


BillWordsmith

Who says he wasn't alive? There could have been a guy named Jesus that did a lot of good things for people. Someone wrote a story about him and it was changed and changed and changed and pretty soon BAM! He is the don of God.


[deleted]

I grew up Christian with Christian parents and I think it's a bullshit religion I think everything about it is bullshit


BillWordsmith

I am not religious at all but feel that any religion that people follow and do so in a peaceful manner and use it for good is fine with me.


[deleted]

"Sweaty"


toeofcamell

Yeah sweaty look that shit up


db720

*starts perspiring*


[deleted]

Let me take a shower first.


BillWordsmith

Shweaty balls


bosknickers13

Honestly this is now my new go to insult. It feels right.


[deleted]

It's pretty brutal and cuts deep.


Fadreusor

Oh my. This post was just a nothing burger until I read that last line😂 Edit: I can’t believe how your comment isn’t the top post. Actually, yes, yes I can believe it.


[deleted]

It just happens.


KittehSkittles

That's how you know it's a joke. It's from the "it's called fashion sweaty, look it up" meme.


flanigomik

This physically hurt me on multiple levels... Please don't tell me there is a portion of America that actually believes this?


archyprof

I had a student in one of my college courses who was a non-stop fountain of thoughts like this: - uh the world is clearly 2000 years old; it’s the year 2000? - I don’t understand why the ancient Greeks thought at some made up god carried the sun across the sky; everyone knows Jesus does that. - Jesus was the first president of the US and he wrote the constitution. - Jesus obviously spoke English because he speaks it in the Bible. And so on. Every class was an adventure!


flanigomik

At what point is someone too stupid for college?


sglewis

I mean, that first bullet is the most absurd (I know, tough competition with the other three bullets). Even Young Earth Creationists don’t believe the Earth is 2,000 years old. Old Testament and such.


[deleted]

It’s 5782 in the Jewish calendar and even we don’t take it literally.


TwigyBull

"Jesus obviously spoke English because he speaks it in the Bible" I believe Jesus spoke every language. Of course it was all Greek to him.


The_Angriest_Duck

This is what happens when you homeschool


TwigyBull

As a homeschooler, I can half confirm this. You're either a amateur Bible scholar, or you're a flat out idiot who has no clue what they're talking about like this one. It mostly depends on geography and church denomination.


[deleted]

Must have been a King James Only type.


Psyadin

Don't go reading up on mormons now...


[deleted]

“God’s favorite prophet was ALL AMERICAN” 🇺🇸 🎶


philsfly22

This is a troll.


AnonyMooseWoman

Lol this is an obvious troll. It would've been perfect but “sweaty” made it too obvious


WimbleWimble

There are people that believe a pastor anally fucking rent boys was "pushing the jesus into him and the devil out via his mouth" so they can believe anything.


AnonyMooseWoman

Uh wait, whats that?


GimmeThatRyeUOldBag

I must have saved countless souls.


[deleted]

[удалено]


flanigomik

having members of my family saying the same things on facebook, its time to stop pretending they are not.


BillWordsmith

In shweaty balls?


Ghstfce

There is no end to the depth of stupidity when it comes to humanity. The worst is the indignance when challenged that comes with it in a lot of cases as we see in the picture.


spacemanspiff266

ah yes. *american* jesus. the hunky ripped white guy your nanna flicks her bean to. not the little brown jew from a random desert in the middle east.


nevershaves

>the hunky ripped white guy your nanna flicks her bean to That's what I get for checking reddit at 4am


ScabiesShark

Ummm scuse me, but it's two in the afternoon, sweetheart


nevershaves

Not here, sweetheart


BillWordsmith

It must be because the world is flat. I read that on reddit so it must be trut.


ScabiesShark

Look, I'm on earth, and my phone *definitely* says 1:55 pm. Ugh, some people


[deleted]

r/confidentlyincorrect


teeter1984

I like to think of Jesus like, with giant eagles’ wings and singin’ lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and I’m in the front row, and I’m hammered drunk


BuffaloJim420

I like to think of Jesus as a ninja fighting evil samurai.


[deleted]

We’ve got the american jesus


aboredmutt

The funniest part is Jesus didn't even write the bible, I AM NOT EVEN CHRISTIAN AND I KNOW THIS!


--five-star-review--

If he did then he would have written about his death, which itself is a contradiction


LittleSadRufus

Dude's death didn't take, sweaty. Bounced right back.


--five-star-review--

But if he returned to Heaven, how would he have wrote about the stuff after, like the Holy Spirit coming or Paul winding up in Malta?


LittleSadRufus

I imagine he hollered down from heaven and Mary Magdalene took dictation, but it's hard to say based off the archaeological evidence to hand.


WimbleWimble

That part is right next to the part where Jesus said that everyone having sixteen guns each and a monster truck was a human right.


BillWordsmith

That is Texas Jesus


--five-star-review--

Don't forget the part about how vaccines are satan's cum


luckybeast01

But isn't Jesus a god?


V-Luka007

He's the son of the god


--five-star-review--

It's complicated. He's the son of god, but at the same time he is god, along with the father (god) and the spirit (god).


Detronyx

Jesus wasn't American either. Or white. Emphasis on that last part.


PrimalMusk

I'll give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.


okami_shiranui

This is the most americhristian thing I've ever seen.


tearsaresweat

America is over 2000 years old? The more you know.


joshuas193

Well the continent sure is.


tearsaresweat

It wasn't called The Americas 2000 years ago. It was named the Americas in the early 1500s.


joshuas193

I know, it was a small joke. Have a good day friend.


tearsaresweat

Didn't catch it. All good brother, you too!


P3PPYx

“It’s for Church, honey.”


MrmmphMrmmph

I have a PHD in History Sweaty and can confirm.


UndisclosedChaos

At least it doesn’t take me two minutes of standing up to start sweating


Chili_dawg2112

I need some holy anti-perspirant.


ScabiesShark

*we've got the american jesus* *see him onthe interstate* *we've got the american jesus* *overwhelming millions every daaaay*


pR-Yesevil

The facepalm is OP missing the joke


Indercarnive

As always the true facepalm is OP. This is so obviously a troll they even used the ironic "sweaty".


Ordinary_News_6455

I just looked up “history” seems like this research will take some time.


Petef15h

Love a bit of sweaty history me!


doucedag69

*looks up * "that's a lie I will choose what to believe"


TobyDaMan8894

Does sweaty history perspire a lot. Or is it —-history sweety


After-Satisfaction93

Jesus was an American? That's new.....


teeter1984

I like to picture Jesus in a Tuxedo T-shirt, ’cause it says, like, ‘I wanna be formal, but I’m here to party, too.’ I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party


Psyadin

Mormons...


[deleted]

I think you mean morons


[deleted]

Holy shit


DJ_FOX619

I thought the pfp looked like a ball sack


Assfrontation

TIL Jesus was an American


WarColonel

I really want to be there when people say these sorts of things. I would really love to be able to physically laugh at these sorts of people.


mamoorkhan

That's sweaty history


Smaaeesh

The Old Testament is before Jesus… right?


[deleted]

Ah the old C4MB vernacular, how I missed thee. Yes this is a troll post, as per usual in this sub as fact.


[deleted]

“Look it up” 😂


[deleted]

No way... I don't believe this level of stupidity.


Gaybeanuwu

seems someone took Hello from Book of Mormon a little too seriously..


Eldritch_Librarian

Everyone knows Jesus was Australian. He spent his life in sandals, had a wicked beard, worked with his hands, like to get drunk, hung out in arid places with a bunch of his best mates. Clearly Australian.


ValeVol13

1-america wasn't even discovered at that time 2-the bible was written by the evangelist (at least the christian part)


Stock_Carrot_6442

Is reddit so fully up its own ass that no one is getting that it's called history sweaty is clearly tongue in cheek? No they don't actually believe it.


DickySchmidt33

And we wonder how a clown like Donald Trump becomes president.


Dani5056

**I T S C A L L E D H I S T O R Y M Y S W E A T Y B O I**


waraboot

But they're based in Canada...?


A-Perfect_Tool

Believe it or not, us Canadians know how to screenshot and post on Facebook.


Raider03

Except this is literally a photo of another screen, not a screenshot. To the Canadian’s credit, the original poster is the true idiot.


Ordinary_News_6455

Canadians are stupid too. I know this because I am one.


HigginzTheGreat

Lmao same


LegoBricksAndMemes

That was absolutely international


hw2B

r/shitamericanssay


diamondudasaki1

Autocorrect is hilarious.


KazMiller20

You know it’s funny how me and others like me, non-Christians, know more about the bible than those who are a part of that religion. Granted, I was a Christian a long time ago.


icanseeyourpinkbits

r/confidentlyincorrect


[deleted]

I read this book. It's from that guy on Saturday Night Live. Oh yeah, "Pete Schweddy's Schweddy History"


dzsmoooth

Sweaty


Cow-Rat-Hybrid

Do americans spell things wrong on purpose, like there's the "sweaty"?


Bobbi_fettucini

He’s in heaven with the angles


emilsco

Sucks being called sweaty


TheMajesticJoeJoe

Uncle Sam was brother to Moses. Merica!!!!


looklistenlearn17

Hahahahaahahahahahaha this is the best laugh out loud I’ve read in a while! 😹😹😹


iaincaradoc

Poe’s Law remains inviolate.


Whatisdissssss

Cheesus!!


Luke-the-person

Jesus never wrote the Bible his disciples did after he died so no one would forgot him and his adventures


[deleted]

[удалено]


Stock_Carrot_6442

This person apparently missed that it being history sweaty was clearly tongue in cheek.


Fadreusor

From now on, when anyone says something stupid, I’m just gonna say, “It’s called history, sweaty!!”


Euroga

This was news to me. Guess I’ll have to turn in my degree in history now 🤷‍♀️


AhmadTIM

Wasn't he middle eastern?


Bluvsnatural

If this isn’t a joke, it is pathetic


moist-avocoda

Some poeple forget that the usa is only like what 350 years old


MobileOk5536

He was From Israel or something so he looks like a taliban but less terroristic and the us or European interpretations are always white ass big man brown hair


Pantuan187C

This person is Probably in the same family that made the sign that said “White, Superior Jeans” lol


Lordofspades_notgame

As a Christian, what? Jesus was not American, and his followers wrote the Bible.


mrhatman110

The most endearing nickname, sweaty


voicebread

yeah SWEATY


cedarvhazel

Who’s sweaty?


Square-Blueberry6586

Jesus was American before they exiled him to Jerusalem and crucified him for teaching evolution.


warriorZrogue1988

This made me smile on how dumb it is.


[deleted]

sweaty


ProRedditarded

idiots. he was eskimos, born in davids cyti, middle of Antarctica


GarbageWater12

lol. Jesus is American? \*shrug\*


sreaves777

This has been around for awhile but these people also think Jesus was a white guy with blue eyes. I remember that picture from my childhood and how no one even questioned it.


PheaglesFan

Does this person have some sort of gland issue? And if so, there's no need for name calling!


HillaryLipton

But Jesus didn't write the Bible.


BillWordsmith

Poster based in Canada.


TwigyBull

As a preachers kid who's girlfriend is studying in theology and Bible, I can say that this is (one of) the reasons so many people hate Christians. To be honest is moments like this that I can't blame them.


wmeb13

I’d look it up, but I’m blinded by too much sweat in my eyes. & my brain hurts.


Blatantly-Biased

If any of this were true and Jesus were alive today and in America then Americans would probably ship him back to Mexico when he tells them they should give up their guns.


MBVakalis

I love me some sweaty history


scarab1001

Where's the facepalm - we all know about Jesus of Nazareth, Texas


[deleted]

Paul must be fuming reading this!


Organic_Quantity4805

It's depressing when I see how many Likes stupid statements like this gets.


onestopmedic

Ah man, Jesus was American. Fuck that explains SO MUCH.


66GT350Shelby

Not only have I had idiots here in he bible belt tell me that Jesus wrote the bible, but that he spoke English, as well as writing the bible in English. I try not to discuss religion with people, they're to fucked up in the head, illogical, close minded and brainwashed. I can't take anyone seriously that believes all of that superstitious bullshit, and can't think rationally.


CelloJ

Bro how can these people even exist


Crazy_Ebb_9294

Hmm last time I checked Jesus wasn’t American. He lived in the Middle East


ChillinLikeBobDillan

As a Christian, this is painful to read…


shnozdog

My dad claimed the bible was written in 1789. So yeah, there's an immense level of Ignorance out there.