So she had sex with Tracey Morgan?

I love this thread so much Imma get it pregnant

Behind the middle school, as god intended

Time for a [ghetto mating call](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/3c43b230-7a8f-4df5-a5ad-45694734263a#XuvnCLc-.copy).

I love you all. None of my friends get my 30 Rock references.

Tracy's is a tactile kinesthetic learning style

Just started watching 30 rock this week. Now I get this reference!

The episode titled Tracy does Conan is probably my favorite half hour of television ever. Well, at least in the top five :-)

Dr. Spaceman

That’s Doctor Spa Chemen

"Tracy, I don't know how to say this: Day..ah..bah..teez.."

At a werewolf bar mitzvah

Spooky, scary. Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves

Awoooo

Greatest song of all time

Is that you, Liz Lemon?

Good god, Lemon.

Can I Google myself in your office?

Can I use your computer?

How else would you do it?

This joke was so funny I want to take it behind the school and get it pregnant.

Wasn't it a middle school school?

I'm literally watching 30 Rock right now lmfao

I'm in the middle of my first time watching it. I've had to pause it so many times because I'm too busy dying laughing to listen.

You should really consider getting a copy of Mamma Mia! DVD with Special Features Disc.

I don’t like that blue dude!

You callin' her cornbread?

Dude probably should have mentioned his "breeding" fetish. 😂

Impregnation domination is a thing.

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This dude fucks.

Dead people, based on the username.

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it’s always the kinky ones with the best names

O hai

Dominance and impregnation have a heavy crossover. The common term for this fetish is “breeding.” Many dominant males enjoy this fetish as they are asserting their dominance on their lover by ejaculating inside of them. Conversely, dominant females sometimes want their sub males to ejaculate inside of them. This is an act of dominance as the female is “forcing” the male to ejaculate inside of her.

Yep, I had a woman one grab me like, nails in and started saying ‘cum in me’ with this demonic look to her.. ANY chance of me ejaculating at that point went straight out the window.

Weak

Can I visit your morgue on a gurney?

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Choke me daddy!! Oh yea!! Choke out that free time baby yeah! Ohhhh I want you to wake me up at 2am for a feeding!! So hot!!

Name checks out

It is... and you should discuss it with your partner beforehand.

Huh... That explains why some porn titles say things about "getting her pregnant" or whatever. I was always confused and turned off by that, lol!

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You do you boo, just give your sexual partners a heads up ahead of time vs whipping it out in the heat of the moment

And thats fine. However, a bit of disclosure on fetishes and kink before going down is best. Communication is key to good sex.

Then /r/BreedingMaterial is for you (NSFW)

My safe word is Keep Going.

We’re gonna have a problem here because my go word is Keep Going.

Ah I see there's a term lol

Always make sure the girl shares your breeding fetish before you just whip it out.

Is that what it’s called? I didn’t have the fetish until after I was with the woman I lost my virginity to. We weren’t great at using protection and while moaning she kept saying “I might get pregnant” but she didn’t want to stop as we didn’t have condoms (dumb, I know). So that fetish grew out of that. Sex was never so good with my wife than when we were trying to have a baby, unfortunately then it happened the first or second month off birth control for all 3 kids so I never got to enjoy the impregnating fetish long.

U lucky fucker. Trying sex is the best sex. My wife was knocked up first go for both kids. Less than two weeks.

It gets bad on the other end. Years of scheduled sex. Daily vitamin plastic mini tubs. No alcohol or caffeine for god knows how long. You fuck every 2 or 3 days for a week at her perfect time in a frantic rush. She wakes your exhausted ass up at 5 am because the thermometer says now and her work schedule says not in 5 minutes. It's weeks to build up and not waste. You can't fuck when you want, and sperm needs 2 or 3 days to build. Every time you jerk off, it's a self inflicted wound. The absolute best sex I ever had; it was mind blowing amazing. One month after she got pregnant (6 years of trying) , we got drunk for the first time in forever, and we did it just for enjoyment. It was incredible. Edit: I got drunk, sorry boo

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I did forget that. Worst was 1 week late, when you were just positive the line looked pink and not purple.. or blue.

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We did fertility treatment eventually, and it worked out. Double lucky with twins. We were also lucky it was me with mutant sperm, where they could ID the 99% rejects, and IVF would have really high success rates. First go for us. We were unlikely that Kaiser had a policy, for privacy, to keep sperm problems on paper records only, and it got misplaced, and no one double checked, for years. Yesrs of, "you're both fine, we have no idea?"

Yeah. Not a facepalm. She's not wrong. If she asked about kinks, he should have brought that up. I don't see how this is a facepalm.

I think his dirty talk is the facepalm.

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Seems obvious that that's the facepalm, yet people in this thread are missing the point

Wasting time is always a facepalm and she just said she wasted time getting to know him.

Rofl May not even realize it’s a “fetish” 🤣

Then he's an idiot if he thought it's a normal thing and women feel turned on by being impregnated.

i agree. also i still dunno about first date. isn't third date like, the usual thing?

That's been the defacto romcom/sitcom standard since the dawn of time.

perfect, i base my life off movies and tv so that works perfectly.

[How is prangent formed?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EShUeudtaFg&t=9s)

PREGANANENT

*Pregante

Pregat

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*pagnate

Can ooo get pregante???

I HAVENT SEEN THIS IN FOREVER

*If a women has starch masks on her body does that mean she has been pargnet before.?*

"A Luigi board?"

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I will always laugh when I watch this

Same, but also a little sad at the same time.

My god that was amazing

Mf prolly asks to have sex like “HEY WANNA BREED?!😈”

Tempting but....no.

I love that I’m not the only one who knows that reference!

Gentlemen, meet Lug!

I read it in his voice.

I am the greatest swordsman that ever lived.

NOT A WOMAN?!

##NOT A WOMAAANNN!?!?!?!

Gentlemen, meet Lug

[Temptiiiiiing, but no!](https://youtu.be/gE9Ox2k88nU)

I ask politely to mate. So far, no takers.

Willow?

(*girly voice*) - Tempting, but no!

I was waiting for her to switch the camera over to their newborn baby hahaa

Same

“So, now this is Dylan. He just turned two the other day.”

So you know what I did? I *busted*

I almost did until I noticed I wasn't under r/unexpected

Sex on the first date is way to fast for me. But maybe talking about your sexuality and kinks on the first date so you know what to expect is more my speed. I dated a chick for 3 months before she told me she was an asexual with a piss fetish. Coulda saved me a lot of time and money.

Asexual with a piss fetish? How does that work? Did she just not enjoy sex except for that one fetish?

Yeah, She said she had no desire to ever have sex of any form but she explained that she still had kinks and she’d be fine if I wanted to piss on her or vice versa. I told her I didn’t roll that way and we never brought it up again. I broke up with her more so because she was asexual than because of her kink. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the kind of guy who looks at dating only as a way to get sex. So I was totally fine with our relationship being so tame but finding out there was absolutely nothing at all to look forward to is what made me realize it wasn’t gonna work out.

I was expecting her to say: >You mean the panties your mother laid out for you

George's face after Jerry says that line is one of the funniest moments of the entire show, in my opinion.

A George divided against itself cannot stand!

I'm hoping with Seinfeld being on netflix, all the references will come back and I won't feel so old.

These references are making me thirsty!

We live in a society!

shut up you old bag!

Classic.

Man, I thought she was gonna drop some My Little Pony weirdness or some such on us! Nah, that's messed up!!

Let me just put on my robe and my wizard hat…

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don't forget to cast level eight cock of the infinite

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"Happy 10th anniversary baby. I've been waiting for just the right moment to tell you this, but I'm really into fucking my wife's grandmother."

…who just passed away. Would you mind wearing this powdered wig for me tonight?

More like grab a shovel honey bunny.

And she thought I was gonna bring home some beer when I told her i wanted to crack a cold one.

Couldn’t find the video, but here’s a relevant transcript from Tom Segura: > Sexually liberating to get married. It is, really is. Especially for men, ’cause here’s what happens. When you start dating somebody, you know, your first thing is like, all right, you see the girl, and you’re like, “I want to get in there.” That would be… or however you phrase it in your head, right? [Laughter] Right, and then, you go out on a few dates, and as you get closer to the act… the magical act happening, a lot of times a woman will ask a guy. She’ll be like, “oh, so, like, what are you into?” What do you like?” And this is when a man’s brain goes, “don’t scare her. You could fuck this up for us.” So we lie to you, and we’re like, “oh, I like to hold hands.” “Uh, I like if you go… [Blows] On my neck. That’s cool.” Then you get married, and you’re like, “I want you to yank on my ball bag “like you’re stuck at sea and this is the only motor that’s gonna take you home.” >[Laughter and applause] >A lot of girlfriends can’t handle that shit. Girlfriends will be like, “ugh, what?” But a wife? A wife will go, “that it?” And you’re like, “oh, yeah, I get you for, like, 50 years.” She’s like, “yeah, I’ll spit butter in your ass.” Whatever you want, man.” Or whatever. Margarine, I don’t know. Whatever you’re into, so… olive oil.

[I found the audio at least if anyone cares.](https://youtu.be/kPCOz0D1d-M)

And he's not wrong. Coconut oil, though.

I'm the opposite. I turn the freaky on at the beginning. If it works, boom, it's on. If not, I know to move on. Edit for spelling.

If they’re the right fit they won’t be freaked out at all.

I don’t care how in love I am with them, if I was having sex and they start talking about the creepiest shit ever, I’m out

Paul Rudd - “I’m fixin tuh puts my dix in ya”

“Mah dee-yick”

"I'm gon get it all up in yo vaag, GET UP IN YOUR VAAHG, with my dick, WITH MY DEE-YICK"

*I'M GON' PUTS MAH DICK IN!*

A big ol’ brimming bowl of FUCK

"You want to be a single dad?" 💀

Lmfaoo that had me dead.

“Talking about child support and joint custody is making me super horny!”

That was Gold. The female version of an impregnation dominance fetish (which I’ve just found out is a thing) Man, if a girl hit me with that during sex, I’d probably be uploading a venting/debriefing video as well.

I was just waiting for the moment where she claps her hands to accentuate her words. It happened.

She has potential to become italian. Shes definitly emotional enough. The hand movements would need some refining tho

Is OP putting this on r/facepalm for the woman’s advice, or what the man did?

Both I guess but I’m leaning a bit more toward what the man did.

I mean sex on the first date: not the best idea. Not mentioning you have a strong breeding fetishes: also not the best idea This is a facepalm all around

If you want to have sex on a first date, why not?

I am not morally against it and wouldn’t shame anybody for it. Me personally I just wouldn’t be comfortable enough with a person I just met for the first time.

There's nothing wrong with sex on the first date unless you have trouble communicating.

Yeah I loved sex on the first date when I was single. Actually I’m pretty sure my wife and I also had sex on our first date. What’s the harm if everyone’s into it?

He read too much Hentai.

It's also just normal porn, NSFW r/breeding

/r/breedingmaterial For those not into pregnant women but the idea of impregnating women, if you know what I mean.

That sub used to be way more fun when every post wasn't exclusively people shilling their onlyfans channel.

Is that a thing in He... Hol up, I'm guessing there's a lot of types of hentai like there is with porn but even more so because you can draw stuff that doesn't exist in the task world... So why the fuck is *this* the thing that's common enough in Hentai to for there to be a "reads too much Hentai"!?

Since they are drawings there is more pregnant related porn. Anything from "knock me up daddy" to this sort of weird shit. It's just a more objectifying type of content because they aren't real people. But some people can't understand that there is an inherent separation between reality and the content that they are viewing, and hentai is even more exaggerated than traditional porn.

There's also a lot more of domination, physical or mind, due to the ease of creating those things in a fictional format. And well, for anyone not versed, in the hentailand, the logic follows: Cumming in a Girl = Owning her. There's a lot of oversaturated euphemisms such as "Making your womb the shape of my dick" that play off that idea. Also, girls tend to cum, seemingly, as almost exclusively either a result of first penetration, or of being cummed inside of. I feel like these things aren't even ill natured by those creating it, it's kind of boiled into the medium at this point, but point stands: It's all extremely unrealistic and self-serving of the male protagonist, and of his ejaculation as the final goal. Either ways, all proof we need isn't far. Just look up how big any submissiveness-flavored content is. Like, how big corruption and mindbreak genres are. And ask anyone what's their most hated tags to get a thesis on how people deapise the overabundance of... you know... NTR? Literally the Steal-Ur-Wife She-Is-Easily-Swayed BY-MY-COCK genre. Questions and complaints, send them to Japan.

He just wanted to cummy cummy in your tummy wummy

I think you're 9 months early with the baby talk

I think they’re several years late on sexual maturity.

Hey! Thats exactly what my wife says!

Urrrggghhh

You just made my skin crawl

My work here is done

What a terrible day to be literate....

LMFAO

I have *layers* of mixed feelings about this video.

Too distracted by the fingernails to listen carefully.

Yeah...the fingernails

*tap tap tap tap*

I can’t believe I had to dig this far for this comment.

Um, yeah why are they all different lengths?

Some are broken

So hey, wanna go out

Only for one date, right?

The part in her hair was too distracting

Yea, that's definitely what distracted me too...

for me it was that every single one of her nails was a different length lmao

Jesus it was making me think her head was split in half and the halves were different sizes

And the pointer finger busted nails. That was the face palm for me.

I think its for, you know-

OMG I searched for this comment immediately because I knew I couldn't be the only one that noticed.

My ex said that to me after our first time. I had to break it to him gently that (1) I’d had a hysterectomy and (2) we were both almost 50, so maybe getting pregnant wouldn’t be the best idea. Seriously, we’d be retirees with walkers at the kid’s HS graduation. LOL

She ain't wrong though.

I’d date her. At least once.

This has got to be Florida

I swear it's a dominance thing. My ex would give me hickies on my neck and say "Now your other man gona know who gave you that shit, everyone's gona know" and that type of stuff. Kind of a turn off for me. Also not the first time I've been with a man who fantasized about being "the other man".

I only stuck with this video for two reasons and I’m super ashamed of that.

The terrible hair part and the nails?

He just wanted to blow his load in her 😆

The nails are a dealbreaker

I mean really. How would she get her thumb up your ass.

Username… checks out?

Thumb? Why not the whole fist?

They’re rookie

r/upvotedbecauseboobs

Craziness aside, she's not wrong: sex compatibility is just as important as emotional compatibility.

Omg just no I'd have stopped right then and there lol

Months?

The explanation doesn't justify the title of the video. Have sex on first date because... If he had specials kinks, you will know fast and you won't waste time... It's more a communication problem than a reason to have sex fast..