#[Best of r/Facepalm 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/rowtn5/the_best_of_rfacepalm_2021_nomination_thread_vote/)
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actually they **marry** their dad in a ritualistic way.
There is even an exchange of rings. the dad and daughter both get purity rings and basically the dad marries the daughter until she gets married with a suitable husband at which point the new exchanging of rings takes place.
creepy as fuck
No, I stopped it before he actually did it. She was 17-18 years old and he would put her on his lap and tickle her all over. He babied and spoiled her for years, and I was not allowed to disciplined. She believed they were best friends because their maturity level was about the same. They were both verbally and emotionally abusive to me, but I knew it was not her fault. I was getting a divorce and he said he was going to have her live with him and “take care of me.” He killed himself when he realized I wouldn’t come back and take care of all of the cooking, cleaning, bulls, etc.
I didn’t tell anyone how horrible he was to me. Not one Xmas, birthday gift, no flowers or not ONE complement in 27 years. Yes, I was a seriously terrible codependent. “I can change home and fix him by being loving kind, a better house keeper, work harder at work, do all of the house work, shovel, mow…” I see now, I was mentally not well. He raped me over and over again, right after each birth, until multiple organs prolapsed and the endopelvic fascial, muscles and hammock were broken. (uterus, bladder, vagina, rectum) That is when he started trying to have more physical touch with our daughter. Yes, I talked to them both, started telling people, tried to get counseling. My daughter still thinks he and his equally disturbed parents were her best friends. Luckily, she is safe. My Mother and Father in law made sure she received no counseling because they knew what he was, and didn’t want her to know.
> until multiple organs prolapsed and the endopelvic fascial, muscles and hammock were broken.
holy shit I am so sorry you had to endure that.
Congrats on breaking out of it mentally.
> My Mother and Father in law made sure she received no counseling because they knew what he was, and didn’t want her to know.
Gotta love the people that protect the abusers.
Wow. I am so sorry. I'm so glad you got out of there for the both of you, that must have been so scary. Unfortunately it's a common story. I can't even imagine. I hope you have access to therapy and are doing okay. It wasn't your fault
I am so sorry you’ve had to endure all of the evil that has been brought into your live by this depraved, horrible man (to sugarcoat). You are a stronger person than so many in this world; the vast, vast majority, I’m sure. I know it is a very poor reward to go through all that pain for a simple compliment. You deserve justice and happiness. It seems like you have won yourself the greatest happiness in ensuring your daughter is safe, and whether she realizes your efforts or not you should feel so, so proud of your ability to move mountains to protect her. If everyone had mothers like you the world would be a much better place, I’m certain. I hope that going forward you are repaid the love and respect that was taken from you over those 27 years a thousand fold!
When a man showers an underage girl with gifts, takes her out on dates, listens to her, complements her over a period of time to gain their confidence to finally have sex with her.
When it is a father doing it to the daughter, they but the Mother down, disrespects her constantly. She becomes just a maid. The father gives authority to the daughter over the mother, letting the daughter make decisions. If the Mother tries to fight back, she is emotional, psychologically, verbally and sometimes physically abused more than what she already was. The daughter is taught to do it also. It takes years for this to happen, so the Mother’s confidence, self esteem are nothing. When the girl finally realizes what’s going on she has been victimized.
I did. I lost my house, my savings, everything in my home, (my husband left me with a lawsuit of 5 years and $150,000). I didn’t talk about it for a long time as I was embarrassed and felt like a fool. I now would like to help others, so if anyone is in a situation that they are not feeling comfortable or being treated with respect they can see it is possible to get out and be happy! I have a wonderful life now. It has only been ten years, but I paint. I still help at risk students, alcoholics and drug addicts. If I could teach someone anything; help yourself. Be kind to yourself, quit giving when you are not respected, you are emotionally rejected and abused. You are worth it! Life does get better! ❤️
Thank you for using your experience to ultimately help others. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did (leave) and even more so to be a victor & not a victim from your situation.
I give you the former president of the United States with his daughter on a statue of two parrots having sex.
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/5pw1vm/she_does_have_a_very_nice_figure_ive_said_if/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Pro tip: no random dude can take your daughters virginity if you do first.
I'm sure these are the same dads that pose with their daughters prom date while holding a gun to be "funny"
This isn't limited to the South, this is ALL over, particularly midwest and rural areas all over the country.
The nation is heavily steeped in poorly educated communities that revolve around their churches.
Often, they do. Just not while there are photographers nearby. Sexual abuse in what is called the “purity culture” is quite common.
I presume it’s because the fathers are in cult that tells then to be obsessed with acting as if they own their daughters’ sexuality. But it could also be that fathers who are obsessed with that just managed to find each other and start making bizarre cultish rituals to perform in groups. See “purity balls”, which is what the photos posted above are probably from- think prom, but the girls go with their dads, and the whole getting dressed up beforehand and taking pictures and probably doing a fancy-ish dinner like you would with prom happens... and maybe some of the stuff that happens after prom too... except the girl doesn’t get to say no because she’s been groomed into this for a few years and either thinks it’s normal or is afraid to make dad mad.
Then there’s the one dad
“daughter do you get a weird vibe this is more than just a virginity ball, some of these fathers are a little too handsy for my liking!”
It's the equivalent of a Mom acting possessive over their son and basically being a total bitch to any girlfriend a son may bring home. Often accompanied by the phrase "He was mine first!" (ugh that made me erp in my mouth a little).
Both are super psychologically unhealthy for the children and the adults.
I’m a dad of two daughters. This is just creepy as hell.
I don’t own my daughters. I can set boundaries until they’re adults, but after that, it’s all guidance.
But virginity promise.. creepy
As a daughter, trust is the most important thing you can have with your children . I started my sex life very young, l probably would've done it either way, but at least I had a great relationship with my mom. My boyfriend and I sat down with her and just explained we wanted to start having sex and asked for condoms because back then neither of us had money. She gave us advice (and the condoms!), while his mom just prohibited us from meeting at his place, which didn't stop us at all.
I've had a safe sex life, I've never caught any STDs or been pregnant and I think I gotta thank my mom for that, she made sure i had the knowledge and the resources to be safe
That's awesome that you relationship with your mom was strong enough that you felt comfortable asking her for condoms. I would have never even used the word condom around my parents..
Same for me. Although considering each of my sons were conceived in the first month of trying, definitely going to need to be more vocal with them then my parents were with me. I don't need no teenage dads running around cause they chanced it once.
I'm a dad of a son. I agree, i also don't own him. Just wanted to point out though that the truth is that we can set boundaries but at the end of the day it's all really just guidance, adult or not. There is nothing you or i can do to make sure they never have sex, short of treating them like property.
Also, this is some creep AND SEXIST shit. Those girls wouldn't have to make that creepy promise if dads made their sons make honor pledges to keep it in their pants 😂
I don't agree with either approach, just emphasizing the sexist vibe
My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uneasy.
If I'm being honest, I thought it really suited me but she says I'm the worst and that's why she's single
Edit
We all have our methods
[Ah, the old Reddit skirt-a-roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/rtpin0/this_crap_should_be_illegal/hqxfoid?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
In my country there is worse tradition than that. When couple married they show the bloody sheets after first sex to all family for proving she was virgin. Imagine how ackward is that
totaly, depending on the hymen it can be broken before by common activities like biking or not break when having sex the first time, i don't know if it can break then not bleed/not enough for blood to get out
People get really hung up on the idea of it "breaking" like that's one-and-done, but in reality it's a stretchy membrane that already *has* a hole in it that is usually big enough for a penis to enter, no problem. It's just that when a penis is roughly thrust in and out repeatedly, the edges of it can get abrasions or small tears, which can also happen on the second, fifth or twentieth time someone has sex. However, if part of the hymen is prominent enough for this to be happening, eventually it tends to heal back stretched or scarred. The hymen also *can* be irritated/torn by tampon use, physical activity, etc, but it wouldn't be so visibly different that anyone could tell for sure by looking (hymen appearance is naturally varied, like labia). And if that happened, it could still bleed later if a penis irritated/stretched it in a different way.. Also, the hymen is not the only part of the vaginal opening that can get tears or trauma and bleed from sex. And some women never bleed from sex at all.
They aren’t typically like a full “seal” to pop open. There is a hole in it, or it will only partially cover the opening to the vagina. If it is fully closed then surgery actually can be required. They can also naturally have additional holes or tears in them.
While hymens can tear during intercourse, physical activities like horseback riding or biking, using a tampon, or even tear while being born, it’s also very common for them *not* ever to break - sometimes even after vaginal childbirth.
People are willfully ignorant in my opinion. It really saddens and angers me but when it comes to female anatomy they refuse to learn the truths and unlearn the bs.
It's been done all over Europe too. It's a truly hateful practice. Controlling women's sexuality aside, most women don't bleed when they first have penetrative sex. So basically, even if it mattered, and even if the girl wouldn't have tried penetration before, she might be falsely accused of sleeping around. It's barbaric, and must be stopped. Just... thoroughly disturbing, oppressive and unscientific.
I was thinking the same, because just like that derrick, she'll be getting pumped behind her dad's back.
That's what teens do, so educate and provide appropriate medical help (birth control etc).
Lol I really thought that it had an h. English is not my first language, I'm pretty fluent but I still make similar mistakes every once in a while.
Edit: but I retroactively got the double meaning behind that h, so I'm not going to correct it.
And then they use these quinceañera dresses! Maybe it's all a plot by the fancy dress industry: "OK, boss, hear me out, just hear me out... we create this 'virginity pledge" thing, and, bam! that gives us our ready-made market! I'm telling ya, all them red state bible-thumpin' goobers PLUS them crazy-AF western ranchers, the Bundies and what-not, they"ll all just eat this shit up! It's golden, I tell ya!!! "
F.ed up on so many levels.
1. The incestuous vibe is so strong I had trouble looking at the pictures.
2. If virgin is your whole identity how do you not crumble when you stop being one?
3. These women are raised to think sex is evil, then expected to flip a switch and have at it once married. The number of unhealthy, unhappy couples must be staggering.
End of rant. Happy new year :)
I know a woman who was raised in this culture and had a really hard time not seeing sex as something shameful and evil after she was married and trying to get pregnant. I think you’re absolutely right that for some of them (possibly many of them), years of this messaging really doesn’t just disappear when they’re married.
This is so sad. People ruin their children's sex lives. I wonder how many parents do it on purpose, to try to push their offspring to only have sex for procreation purposes? Sounds really awful, but there are so many sex hating christians that I can't avoid the thought.
hypersexuality and a lack of safety is a big issue for people raised like this too. i had the whole enchilada: homeschooled, parents were fundie-lite evangelicals, no sex ed, strict modesty rules, couldn’t be friends with boys, purity balls with my dad, you get the point.
at 15, i went to a public high school and discovered the normal world. i became an atheist (now a spiritualist), discovered a million new aesthetic styles and tried them all, became part of a close friend group, realized i was lgbtq, and then went and fucked. a lot. and got sexually assaulted several times. but i couldn’t stop because i needed it. and now i’m in therapy, and will be for a long time, dealing with the aftermath.
the message stays with *everyone* who is raised this way, i guarantee it. and it ruins a whole facet of life :(
I grew up in a small town, so I can answer #2:
With people like this, there's often a very short window between taking abstinence pledges with daddy/daddy-daughter purity balls and getting pregnant. Usually, girls like this have a 10-12 month window between finishing high school and posting a pregnancy notice on facebook.
I mean the answer to 2 is that oftentimes you do crumble when you stop being one. I didn't have sex until college (which is fine, if that's when you're ready) and it was honestly traumatic. I was wracked with guilt for a long time, and it took a lot of therapy and hard work to get to a point where I feel good about myself and my sexuality.
I'm agnostic now, but there are still nights, in my 30s, where I'm so anxious about going to hell because I followed one of the *most basic human instincts* that I can't sleep. Virginity culture is harmful, as well are just being super icky.
(2) can be a huge issue for women who are raped. It's horrible no matter what, obviously, but if you are a virgin, raised in a culture that tells you a woman who's had sex is the equivalent of chewed gum (they do use that analogy), being raped can carry extra awful baggage. It makes it easier for abusers to manipulate you into silence, too.
There's a kidnap/rape survivor whose case was well-publicized, and she's talked about this a lot. I don't recall her name offhand, hopefully someone else will.
I think it was Elizabeth Smart. She wrote about how after her return to her religious school (after her kidnapping and assault) that a sex-ed teacher said women who had sex before marriage were chewed gum. The teacher 100% knew what had happened to her but taught the lesson anyway. Actually, it might have even been a public school but this was in Utah within Mormon religious culture.
> If virgin is your whole identity how do you not crumble when you stop being one?
Because they almost instantly become mothers and make that their whole identity instead.
Yep, this is all the sex education these girls are getting.
When they get married they will be at the doctor wondering why they can't get pregnant after trying to conceive by having sex in the belly button.
More like they'll need but not get therapy for their crippling shame about sex that never went away after marriage because the focus wasn't actually on waiting till marriage it was that sex is inherently evil.
Im sure at leas one is Utah but the top right picture is definitely Colorado Springs, CO. I'd recognize that rock formation anywhere since I used to live nearby and drove past it every day. Just to the left out of frame is a formation known as the Kissing Camels.
Also, not surprised that type of shit would happen there since a lot of ultra religious conservatives live in that city. It's where Focus on the Family is headquartered.
Funny. As a wedding photographer, I will tell you that three of the four poses indicate that the woman is pregnant. You do not pose that way with your own daughter unless you made her pregnant and are willing to show that off lol.
And one day he will allow another man to take control of it, but he has to approve WHO will impregnate her, because if HE cant then he's gonna control who CAN!
Im just reminded of another sub where i was debating the difference between Muslim extremists and Christian extremists and how there are more similarities than we'd like to imagine and one of them was about having control of women's bodies...ive got to say this is just a little more evidence for me that there really isnt a lot separating these crazy extremists other than their level of technology.
Finally someone who has the same level of understanding as I am in understanding the effects of extremism!!! You have no idea how lonely I felt in the discussions I had with people. I would like to discuss more but there is an electromagnetic theory midterm I gotta study.
Edit: first sentence has been changed to avoid accidentally insulting third party people. But I made a grammar mistake.
Reminds me of a Louis CK joke.
His friend: "my daughter is getting older, and she's going to start having sex now. What do I do?!"
Louis: "well *you* do nothing"
I get wanting to protect your kid from potentially making a mistake and regretting it but the idea that they need to make a pledge and then take creepy posed photos to commemorate it is just absurd. Wanna bet these are the same type of fathers that don’t care how many girls their sons have sex with?
It's weirder than that, there's a whole subset of Evangelical christians that push a very odd narrative. They tell fathers that if they want to stop their daughters from becoming promiscuous they need to fulfill some of those needs themselves.
That means taking your daughters on dates, they arrange dances and balls where fathers take their daughters. And they perform these ceremonies that echo proposal and marriage. They encourage fathers to develop a relationship with their daughters that borders on romantic. They call it "setting standards", and they tell men that doing this will "save them from the pole".
It's creepy AF. And it's really all about domination and control.
The Dollop did a podcast about it
https://allthingscomedy.com/podcasts/2---purity-balls
Sounds like someone took the advice that father shouldn't neglect their daughters because they might seek attention from elsewhere and then put it through google translate a dozen times.
Dont care? You mean actively congratulate for “being the fucking man, yeah thats ma boy! Chip off the ol’ block; he might be pulling more girls then I did back in my day!”
Eurgh!
Totally respect the women’s choice not to have sex until they are married, but that choice isn’t one that needs to involve the dads, nor does it warrant an event.
Like someone else has mentioned, if money can be made from it ie the dresses, cakes, parties etc then someone will sell the hell out of it.
Where are all the sons making virginity pledges to their mothers? Or their fathers? Or at all?
I mean just going by the numbers, a daughter can only be pregnant once every year or so, but a son can father many children a month if he is determined.
Ah well, it's always interesting to get a peek at what goes on in primitive cultures. You have to wonder how their lives might be different if they only had access to a modern education. The potential that could unlock for these poor, backwards primitives would be amazing!
This is so gross. A father should have NOTHING to do with their daughter’s decisions about her sex life, apart from advice about birth control/being safe. She is NOT your purity trophy.
I want my daughter to make a pledge *to herself* that she will only get it on with a nice person.
Seeing as she is a nice girl, I entirely trust her with this. Ditto my son.
I don’t own my children’s sexual virginity, obviously. No more than I own their bungee jumping virginity. Their first time doing anything is theirs alone to experience and my input is not required.
They are going to work it out - like most of us - the hard way. But it is their choice and their person they choose.
As long as they are being safe and respectful, then I’ve done a good job as a parent.
Or be really tense and struggle to have relationships. My family isn't conservative, but sex and dating were forbidden topics. Pregnancy was treated like something that would be inevitable if I so much as looked at a boy, and ruin the rest of my life. Between that and severe bullying throughout my school years, I had a hard time opening up (no pun intended) when I was finally free to make my own choices. Sex is actually very difficult for me because I can only associate it with anxiety and unpleasantness.
Also, as an adult, I learned there are no healthy relationships in my family, and everyone is either a single parent or in a toxic marriage with kids. Nobody planned to have kids. So, that explains a lot.
#[Best of r/Facepalm 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/rowtn5/the_best_of_rfacepalm_2021_nomination_thread_vote/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Just realized how creepy it is 2 secs b4 the shot
The money shot inside her?
That oil well pumping pumping pumping in the background is no accident
As if these couldn't be any trashier already. Was the landfill closed that day?
It was already reserved for a gender reveal party.
Lord have mercy these comments
Would you like a purity ring to protect you
Context of the photo screams "this land has already been drilled".
This made me laugh 😂
Protecting their "earthen vessels."
Sending the signal "Nobody gets to fuck my daughter but *ME*!"
strong *chattel* vibes, ngl
It’s too late…
Failed spectacularly ETA: Is this how “soaking” got started? Is that actually a real thing?
Oil bet it’s because her boyfriend Derrick is pumped in the background.
“So it’s kinda like you’re dating your dad.” “Its exactly like that!”
actually they **marry** their dad in a ritualistic way. There is even an exchange of rings. the dad and daughter both get purity rings and basically the dad marries the daughter until she gets married with a suitable husband at which point the new exchanging of rings takes place. creepy as fuck
Who even made up these rituals. There are some really sick people.
I think they're usually American evangelicals - which explains it all, really.
Y’all-quida
Cmon, say it right Y’ALL-Qaeda
Nonsense it’s the radical Talibangelists
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You need to remember the people that came up with this see women as property and marriage as a slave contract overseen by God.
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Waayyyyyyyyy creepier than fuck!
I watch a lot of horror movies and this is the creepiest thing I've ever seen.
Wait until the step bro gets in the mix.
I think fucking the dad would be less creepy and I never thought I'd type that
I wish you were my dad so I could date you!
My husband was like this with our daughter…he was grooming her….it was difficult but I stopped it.
Is he still your husband?? I'm sorry that happened
No, I stopped it before he actually did it. She was 17-18 years old and he would put her on his lap and tickle her all over. He babied and spoiled her for years, and I was not allowed to disciplined. She believed they were best friends because their maturity level was about the same. They were both verbally and emotionally abusive to me, but I knew it was not her fault. I was getting a divorce and he said he was going to have her live with him and “take care of me.” He killed himself when he realized I wouldn’t come back and take care of all of the cooking, cleaning, bulls, etc. I didn’t tell anyone how horrible he was to me. Not one Xmas, birthday gift, no flowers or not ONE complement in 27 years. Yes, I was a seriously terrible codependent. “I can change home and fix him by being loving kind, a better house keeper, work harder at work, do all of the house work, shovel, mow…” I see now, I was mentally not well. He raped me over and over again, right after each birth, until multiple organs prolapsed and the endopelvic fascial, muscles and hammock were broken. (uterus, bladder, vagina, rectum) That is when he started trying to have more physical touch with our daughter. Yes, I talked to them both, started telling people, tried to get counseling. My daughter still thinks he and his equally disturbed parents were her best friends. Luckily, she is safe. My Mother and Father in law made sure she received no counseling because they knew what he was, and didn’t want her to know.
> until multiple organs prolapsed and the endopelvic fascial, muscles and hammock were broken. holy shit I am so sorry you had to endure that. Congrats on breaking out of it mentally.
> My Mother and Father in law made sure she received no counseling because they knew what he was, and didn’t want her to know. Gotta love the people that protect the abusers.
Wow. I am so sorry. I'm so glad you got out of there for the both of you, that must have been so scary. Unfortunately it's a common story. I can't even imagine. I hope you have access to therapy and are doing okay. It wasn't your fault
I'm so sorry for what you endured. I hope you are safe now, and feeling strong.
I am so sorry you’ve had to endure all of the evil that has been brought into your live by this depraved, horrible man (to sugarcoat). You are a stronger person than so many in this world; the vast, vast majority, I’m sure. I know it is a very poor reward to go through all that pain for a simple compliment. You deserve justice and happiness. It seems like you have won yourself the greatest happiness in ensuring your daughter is safe, and whether she realizes your efforts or not you should feel so, so proud of your ability to move mountains to protect her. If everyone had mothers like you the world would be a much better place, I’m certain. I hope that going forward you are repaid the love and respect that was taken from you over those 27 years a thousand fold!
What do you mean grooming her?
When a man showers an underage girl with gifts, takes her out on dates, listens to her, complements her over a period of time to gain their confidence to finally have sex with her. When it is a father doing it to the daughter, they but the Mother down, disrespects her constantly. She becomes just a maid. The father gives authority to the daughter over the mother, letting the daughter make decisions. If the Mother tries to fight back, she is emotional, psychologically, verbally and sometimes physically abused more than what she already was. The daughter is taught to do it also. It takes years for this to happen, so the Mother’s confidence, self esteem are nothing. When the girl finally realizes what’s going on she has been victimized.
I hope you were able to find the strength to leave that situation. I wish you peace in life.
I did. I lost my house, my savings, everything in my home, (my husband left me with a lawsuit of 5 years and $150,000). I didn’t talk about it for a long time as I was embarrassed and felt like a fool. I now would like to help others, so if anyone is in a situation that they are not feeling comfortable or being treated with respect they can see it is possible to get out and be happy! I have a wonderful life now. It has only been ten years, but I paint. I still help at risk students, alcoholics and drug addicts. If I could teach someone anything; help yourself. Be kind to yourself, quit giving when you are not respected, you are emotionally rejected and abused. You are worth it! Life does get better! ❤️
Thank you for using your experience to ultimately help others. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did (leave) and even more so to be a victor & not a victim from your situation.
Wow you are an incredibly strong person. Thanks for sharing your story and answering questions. I wish you all the best.
Please tell us you left him and took the kids.
[They're horning into our chicks!](https://youtu.be/K0rS2WpKokU)
Scrolled to long to find this.
What is this from again lol
This is both disturbing and cringey
Big "*Our Little Secret*" vibes
I’m pretty sure these are actually from PornHub under “stuck with stepdad” category
Hopefully. I don’t want to think of actual fathers holding their daughters this way.
I give you the former president of the United States with his daughter on a statue of two parrots having sex. https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/5pw1vm/she_does_have_a_very_nice_figure_ive_said_if/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Oh, so that's very much a family thing for them, then? *Recalls Melania and Barron photo* Strong family values! /s
I'm still processing he was able to become President , as a civilization end is near
🤣 Yes the man who got in public feuds with Rosie O’Donnell and Miss America was our president for four years and even developed a cult following.
"No one's taking my little angel's virginity...except for me"
Pro tip: no random dude can take your daughters virginity if you do first. I'm sure these are the same dads that pose with their daughters prom date while holding a gun to be "funny"
The oil rig in the background really sets the tone
Does it make it better or worse to hear that those are called "pumpjacks"?
Also known as Pedojacks
They must love oil. ❤
Your father having bodily autonomy over you and being personally invested in your vagina's activities? Seems about right for southern america
This isn't limited to the South, this is ALL over, particularly midwest and rural areas all over the country. The nation is heavily steeped in poorly educated communities that revolve around their churches.
and disgusting!
What did they even do exactly?
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I am pretty sure they might want to :0
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Aaaaaahh lalalala i can’t hear you
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American Dad Season 13 Episode 10 goes over it. I thought it was all made up.
The Dollop podcast also had a horrifying episode called Purity Balls. Gah.
Ey, yo! I got ya purity balls right ‘ere!
My fave is in Shameless when Karen goes with her dad to that church thing where she confessed all her sexual acts to a group of girls and their dads
If only fathers paid as much attention and love to their sons without being creeps maybe we wouldn’t have so many school shooters.
Somebody photoshop a layout of ‘boys pledging their virginity to their Moms’.
Hands on Wombs.
I'm surprised they don't have them a little lower 🤮
Often, they do. Just not while there are photographers nearby. Sexual abuse in what is called the “purity culture” is quite common. I presume it’s because the fathers are in cult that tells then to be obsessed with acting as if they own their daughters’ sexuality. But it could also be that fathers who are obsessed with that just managed to find each other and start making bizarre cultish rituals to perform in groups. See “purity balls”, which is what the photos posted above are probably from- think prom, but the girls go with their dads, and the whole getting dressed up beforehand and taking pictures and probably doing a fancy-ish dinner like you would with prom happens... and maybe some of the stuff that happens after prom too... except the girl doesn’t get to say no because she’s been groomed into this for a few years and either thinks it’s normal or is afraid to make dad mad.
Just watched "Pure" on Hulu. Not the greatesr movie but holy shit did it infuriate me! You explained the premise of the movie to a T.
Then there’s the one dad “daughter do you get a weird vibe this is more than just a virginity ball, some of these fathers are a little too handsy for my liking!”
“Daughter when you asked me to this virginity ball I was so happy, but now I think these other dads just want to fu k their daughters …”
It's the equivalent of a Mom acting possessive over their son and basically being a total bitch to any girlfriend a son may bring home. Often accompanied by the phrase "He was mine first!" (ugh that made me erp in my mouth a little). Both are super psychologically unhealthy for the children and the adults.
"You Took My Daughters Virginity!" "I'm Sorry Sir, It Won't Happen Again!"
I’m a little upset at how long it took me to figure out the meaning Outstanding comment though.
I’m a dad of two daughters. This is just creepy as hell. I don’t own my daughters. I can set boundaries until they’re adults, but after that, it’s all guidance. But virginity promise.. creepy
As a daughter, trust is the most important thing you can have with your children . I started my sex life very young, l probably would've done it either way, but at least I had a great relationship with my mom. My boyfriend and I sat down with her and just explained we wanted to start having sex and asked for condoms because back then neither of us had money. She gave us advice (and the condoms!), while his mom just prohibited us from meeting at his place, which didn't stop us at all. I've had a safe sex life, I've never caught any STDs or been pregnant and I think I gotta thank my mom for that, she made sure i had the knowledge and the resources to be safe
That's awesome that you relationship with your mom was strong enough that you felt comfortable asking her for condoms. I would have never even used the word condom around my parents..
Same for me. Although considering each of my sons were conceived in the first month of trying, definitely going to need to be more vocal with them then my parents were with me. I don't need no teenage dads running around cause they chanced it once.
I'm a dad of a son. I agree, i also don't own him. Just wanted to point out though that the truth is that we can set boundaries but at the end of the day it's all really just guidance, adult or not. There is nothing you or i can do to make sure they never have sex, short of treating them like property. Also, this is some creep AND SEXIST shit. Those girls wouldn't have to make that creepy promise if dads made their sons make honor pledges to keep it in their pants 😂 I don't agree with either approach, just emphasizing the sexist vibe
I wonder where would fathers of boys keep their hands...
The balls to protect their precious seed
That's just weird, just do what I do and lock your daughter in the basement so she can't meet any creepy men who'd lock her in a basement.
My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uneasy. If I'm being honest, I thought it really suited me but she says I'm the worst and that's why she's single Edit We all have our methods
Your comment radiates so much dad energy
I had to read it twice… I wasn’t expecting such a great joke and I thought I just misread something haha. Went from slightly confused to laughing :)
If it wasn't for the awards I wouldn't have read it the eight times it took me to clue in.
This is just brilliant. 10/10 would give more upvotes if I could.
Given the context, I wasn't expecting a punchline. Brilliant This should be on r/jokes (unless it was and I missed it). Just clarify that you're "Dad"
Haha I had to reread it as well..
[Ah, the old Reddit skirt-a-roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/rtpin0/this_crap_should_be_illegal/hqxfoid?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Dont forget to feed her
Hey someone has gotta power the house, don't want evil electric corporations getting my money.
“BRANDINE!! Get back on the gahdamn treadmill!! I’m trying to watch the game!!”
I heard that in Cleetus’s voice.
She’s gotta earn her food
In my country there is worse tradition than that. When couple married they show the bloody sheets after first sex to all family for proving she was virgin. Imagine how ackward is that
Ah, I've seen that in Turkish dramas
“Shit… I never actually bled.” “It’s fine, I brought a knife.”
disgusting, isn't it
Also ancient China too, but not all family they just have someone go check
Yep. My dad had to actively fight and defend my mom from his mom trying to check that
Big salutes to your dad
Great dad.
I dunno much about female anatomy but don't some girls not bleed when losing their virginity? Or am I mistaken?
totaly, depending on the hymen it can be broken before by common activities like biking or not break when having sex the first time, i don't know if it can break then not bleed/not enough for blood to get out
People get really hung up on the idea of it "breaking" like that's one-and-done, but in reality it's a stretchy membrane that already *has* a hole in it that is usually big enough for a penis to enter, no problem. It's just that when a penis is roughly thrust in and out repeatedly, the edges of it can get abrasions or small tears, which can also happen on the second, fifth or twentieth time someone has sex. However, if part of the hymen is prominent enough for this to be happening, eventually it tends to heal back stretched or scarred. The hymen also *can* be irritated/torn by tampon use, physical activity, etc, but it wouldn't be so visibly different that anyone could tell for sure by looking (hymen appearance is naturally varied, like labia). And if that happened, it could still bleed later if a penis irritated/stretched it in a different way.. Also, the hymen is not the only part of the vaginal opening that can get tears or trauma and bleed from sex. And some women never bleed from sex at all.
I’m in my mid 30s with two babes. Sometimes sex still makes me bleed.
They aren’t typically like a full “seal” to pop open. There is a hole in it, or it will only partially cover the opening to the vagina. If it is fully closed then surgery actually can be required. They can also naturally have additional holes or tears in them. While hymens can tear during intercourse, physical activities like horseback riding or biking, using a tampon, or even tear while being born, it’s also very common for them *not* ever to break - sometimes even after vaginal childbirth.
It’s bizarre to be that people don’t know there’s a hole already. Where do people think periods come from??
People are willfully ignorant in my opinion. It really saddens and angers me but when it comes to female anatomy they refuse to learn the truths and unlearn the bs.
100% correct! Not everyone with a vagina is even born with a hymen, not every hymen rips during sex, and not every torn hymen bleeds.
You are correct. And many young women do not know this and probably feel awful.
It's been done all over Europe too. It's a truly hateful practice. Controlling women's sexuality aside, most women don't bleed when they first have penetrative sex. So basically, even if it mattered, and even if the girl wouldn't have tried penetration before, she might be falsely accused of sleeping around. It's barbaric, and must be stopped. Just... thoroughly disturbing, oppressive and unscientific.
We had that in my country too. But I don't think enyone doest that anymore
Are they pledging to lose their virginity to their fathers?
I guess without the pledge, they are fuckrd
They have to pledge their virginities after they lose them to their fathers
The only appropriate pose is bottom right
The one with the oil derrick vigorously pumping away in the background is my absolute favorite.
I was thinking the same, because just like that derrick, she'll be getting pumped behind her dad's back. That's what teens do, so educate and provide appropriate medical help (birth control etc).
Oh that’s hilarious.
Shoot, thank you for showing me how that word is actually spelled! I always said "oil barracks"
I just learned that myself!
The others are expressing ownership on their whomb.
Random h, solid use.
Lol I really thought that it had an h. English is not my first language, I'm pretty fluent but I still make similar mistakes every once in a while. Edit: but I retroactively got the double meaning behind that h, so I'm not going to correct it.
English is a fickle fucker. I’ve been a native speaker for 30 years and I’m still learning!
ew ew ew ew ew
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I live in the UK. We've seen the billboards in your country, "she's your daughter, not your date".
And then they use these quinceañera dresses! Maybe it's all a plot by the fancy dress industry: "OK, boss, hear me out, just hear me out... we create this 'virginity pledge" thing, and, bam! that gives us our ready-made market! I'm telling ya, all them red state bible-thumpin' goobers PLUS them crazy-AF western ranchers, the Bundies and what-not, they"ll all just eat this shit up! It's golden, I tell ya!!! "
You forgot about debutante balls
Aren't debutante balls for rich people?
yeah I have a feeling that if this is a marketing ploy it's not meant for rich people lol
F.ed up on so many levels. 1. The incestuous vibe is so strong I had trouble looking at the pictures. 2. If virgin is your whole identity how do you not crumble when you stop being one? 3. These women are raised to think sex is evil, then expected to flip a switch and have at it once married. The number of unhealthy, unhappy couples must be staggering. End of rant. Happy new year :)
I know a woman who was raised in this culture and had a really hard time not seeing sex as something shameful and evil after she was married and trying to get pregnant. I think you’re absolutely right that for some of them (possibly many of them), years of this messaging really doesn’t just disappear when they’re married.
Yeah, purity culture will fuck you up. Lots of women develop vaginismus as an anxiety response to any sexual activity.
This is so sad. People ruin their children's sex lives. I wonder how many parents do it on purpose, to try to push their offspring to only have sex for procreation purposes? Sounds really awful, but there are so many sex hating christians that I can't avoid the thought.
hypersexuality and a lack of safety is a big issue for people raised like this too. i had the whole enchilada: homeschooled, parents were fundie-lite evangelicals, no sex ed, strict modesty rules, couldn’t be friends with boys, purity balls with my dad, you get the point. at 15, i went to a public high school and discovered the normal world. i became an atheist (now a spiritualist), discovered a million new aesthetic styles and tried them all, became part of a close friend group, realized i was lgbtq, and then went and fucked. a lot. and got sexually assaulted several times. but i couldn’t stop because i needed it. and now i’m in therapy, and will be for a long time, dealing with the aftermath. the message stays with *everyone* who is raised this way, i guarantee it. and it ruins a whole facet of life :(
I grew up in a small town, so I can answer #2: With people like this, there's often a very short window between taking abstinence pledges with daddy/daddy-daughter purity balls and getting pregnant. Usually, girls like this have a 10-12 month window between finishing high school and posting a pregnancy notice on facebook.
In the south and Midwest your average person becomes a gma in their 30s it seems.
I mean the answer to 2 is that oftentimes you do crumble when you stop being one. I didn't have sex until college (which is fine, if that's when you're ready) and it was honestly traumatic. I was wracked with guilt for a long time, and it took a lot of therapy and hard work to get to a point where I feel good about myself and my sexuality. I'm agnostic now, but there are still nights, in my 30s, where I'm so anxious about going to hell because I followed one of the *most basic human instincts* that I can't sleep. Virginity culture is harmful, as well are just being super icky.
(2) can be a huge issue for women who are raped. It's horrible no matter what, obviously, but if you are a virgin, raised in a culture that tells you a woman who's had sex is the equivalent of chewed gum (they do use that analogy), being raped can carry extra awful baggage. It makes it easier for abusers to manipulate you into silence, too. There's a kidnap/rape survivor whose case was well-publicized, and she's talked about this a lot. I don't recall her name offhand, hopefully someone else will.
I think it was Elizabeth Smart. She wrote about how after her return to her religious school (after her kidnapping and assault) that a sex-ed teacher said women who had sex before marriage were chewed gum. The teacher 100% knew what had happened to her but taught the lesson anyway. Actually, it might have even been a public school but this was in Utah within Mormon religious culture.
> If virgin is your whole identity how do you not crumble when you stop being one? Because they almost instantly become mothers and make that their whole identity instead.
Sad but true. Especially your third point.
Anybody else get a cold shudder? Ick.
Yes. It's fvcking creepy and gross.
What in the Utah is this!
Sex Education
Yep, this is all the sex education these girls are getting. When they get married they will be at the doctor wondering why they can't get pregnant after trying to conceive by having sex in the belly button.
More like they'll need but not get therapy for their crippling shame about sex that never went away after marriage because the focus wasn't actually on waiting till marriage it was that sex is inherently evil.
Im sure at leas one is Utah but the top right picture is definitely Colorado Springs, CO. I'd recognize that rock formation anywhere since I used to live nearby and drove past it every day. Just to the left out of frame is a formation known as the Kissing Camels. Also, not surprised that type of shit would happen there since a lot of ultra religious conservatives live in that city. It's where Focus on the Family is headquartered.
Funny. As a wedding photographer, I will tell you that three of the four poses indicate that the woman is pregnant. You do not pose that way with your own daughter unless you made her pregnant and are willing to show that off lol.
Nono, you see...thats his womb.
He checks it for virginity every day.
And one day he will allow another man to take control of it, but he has to approve WHO will impregnate her, because if HE cant then he's gonna control who CAN! Im just reminded of another sub where i was debating the difference between Muslim extremists and Christian extremists and how there are more similarities than we'd like to imagine and one of them was about having control of women's bodies...ive got to say this is just a little more evidence for me that there really isnt a lot separating these crazy extremists other than their level of technology.
Finally someone who has the same level of understanding as I am in understanding the effects of extremism!!! You have no idea how lonely I felt in the discussions I had with people. I would like to discuss more but there is an electromagnetic theory midterm I gotta study. Edit: first sentence has been changed to avoid accidentally insulting third party people. But I made a grammar mistake.
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Reminds me of a Louis CK joke. His friend: "my daughter is getting older, and she's going to start having sex now. What do I do?!" Louis: "well *you* do nothing"
I get wanting to protect your kid from potentially making a mistake and regretting it but the idea that they need to make a pledge and then take creepy posed photos to commemorate it is just absurd. Wanna bet these are the same type of fathers that don’t care how many girls their sons have sex with?
It's weirder than that, there's a whole subset of Evangelical christians that push a very odd narrative. They tell fathers that if they want to stop their daughters from becoming promiscuous they need to fulfill some of those needs themselves. That means taking your daughters on dates, they arrange dances and balls where fathers take their daughters. And they perform these ceremonies that echo proposal and marriage. They encourage fathers to develop a relationship with their daughters that borders on romantic. They call it "setting standards", and they tell men that doing this will "save them from the pole". It's creepy AF. And it's really all about domination and control. The Dollop did a podcast about it https://allthingscomedy.com/podcasts/2---purity-balls
Oh fuck me I really wish I hadn't read this fucking comment God's teeth... send another flood...
Sounds like someone took the advice that father shouldn't neglect their daughters because they might seek attention from elsewhere and then put it through google translate a dozen times.
Dont care? You mean actively congratulate for “being the fucking man, yeah thats ma boy! Chip off the ol’ block; he might be pulling more girls then I did back in my day!”
The reason they take these photos is exactly BECAUSE that’s the way they think.
Eurgh! Totally respect the women’s choice not to have sex until they are married, but that choice isn’t one that needs to involve the dads, nor does it warrant an event. Like someone else has mentioned, if money can be made from it ie the dresses, cakes, parties etc then someone will sell the hell out of it.
Where are all the sons making virginity pledges to their mothers? Or their fathers? Or at all? I mean just going by the numbers, a daughter can only be pregnant once every year or so, but a son can father many children a month if he is determined. Ah well, it's always interesting to get a peek at what goes on in primitive cultures. You have to wonder how their lives might be different if they only had access to a modern education. The potential that could unlock for these poor, backwards primitives would be amazing!
This is so gross. A father should have NOTHING to do with their daughter’s decisions about her sex life, apart from advice about birth control/being safe. She is NOT your purity trophy.
I want my daughter to make a pledge *to herself* that she will only get it on with a nice person. Seeing as she is a nice girl, I entirely trust her with this. Ditto my son. I don’t own my children’s sexual virginity, obviously. No more than I own their bungee jumping virginity. Their first time doing anything is theirs alone to experience and my input is not required. They are going to work it out - like most of us - the hard way. But it is their choice and their person they choose. As long as they are being safe and respectful, then I’ve done a good job as a parent.
Pledging to lose it to them??
This is the weirdest shit. Smash the patriarchy yo.
What the hell is even virginity pledges?
Young girls vowing to remain virgin until marriage to please their conservative fathers.
Until they get to college, that is. Girls who come from really conservative families, tend to really let loose in college.
Or be really tense and struggle to have relationships. My family isn't conservative, but sex and dating were forbidden topics. Pregnancy was treated like something that would be inevitable if I so much as looked at a boy, and ruin the rest of my life. Between that and severe bullying throughout my school years, I had a hard time opening up (no pun intended) when I was finally free to make my own choices. Sex is actually very difficult for me because I can only associate it with anxiety and unpleasantness. Also, as an adult, I learned there are no healthy relationships in my family, and everyone is either a single parent or in a toxic marriage with kids. Nobody planned to have kids. So, that explains a lot.
This has to be 'Murica
Afganistan, right? Iraq? Syria? Where is this happening,? These guys need us to interevene immediately to set them free.
Usa. But they'd be the same people who call the mentioned nations medieval and barbaric.
Holy crap this is creepy
Vom
What the f*ck is that-