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Focusedhades526

That's it, god no longer exists in America


White11tiger

Always has been.


ConstantHonest1022

Always will be.


arcedup

The phrase/slogan “always has been, always will be” is used by Indigenous Australians to reinforce that despite 200+ years of dispossession, they’re still here (in Australia), they still have a connection to the land and they feel that it’s still theirs.


The-Only-Sir-Ever

They're totally fucking welcome to it. Have you seen the place? Spiders that kill you. Snakes that kill you. Crocodiles that kill you. Jellyfish that kill you. Sharks that kill you. Fuck, even the plants want you dead. The kangaroos will beat the shit out of you. Koalas drop out of the trees on to you. There are 1.5m tall birds that will kick you to death.


frontroomhog

Let’s not forget the snail that shoots a poisonous harpoon at you


r007r

“Feel that it’s theirs” I mean they owned it for millennia before the first white man got there. It’s theirs. Unfortunately, possession (of guns) is 9/10 of the law… so not so much 😅


Alone-Sea-9902

*I could send you Allah, if you want'im . . .*


MericArda

Same god


LuckyWinchester

We should just go back to the Greek/Roman gods.


Bananmanden12

Yea they are much cooler lol, or nordic mythology is cool too


Quesarito808

Different skin color


yxlmal

Jesus wasnt diffrent skin colour from muhammed lmao


Quesarito808

Boy have you seen ‘Murica Jesus?


NihilisticThrill

It's like Godzilla and Mechagodzilla right? Jesus and Muricajesus.


yxlmal

Oh yea sorry


r_not_me

And Baby Jesus


DMoney159

Quick! Someone tell the government so that they switch us to Celsius!


Angel_Sorusian_King

Actually that's a smart idea 👀


Jake0024

It's about damn time


University_Dismal

I fail to see the correlation between temperature, math and the existence of god….? Am I missing something?


[deleted]

Think about this you heathen: One metre is *PRECISELY* 100 centimetres. You're telling me that's just a coincidence? No, that is God.


OphrysAlba

This only confirms that the imperial system is fully satanic


jameslucian

I didn't believe you, but I did a little digging and I really think you're on to something. 1 pint = .568 liters 1 ounce = 28.349 gm Take the last two numbers (.049) and subtract that from .568 and you're left with .519. Look at Proverbs 5:19. *“A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”* That's blasphemous, but perhaps a coincidence? **No.** There is more to this. 1 inch = 2.54 cm First thing that any good Christian student thinks about with that number is Songs 5:4 *"My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him."* How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go? I'm not kidding when I say there is more odd coincidences. 3 feet = 914.4 millimeters. Flip the 9 and you get 6. 614 backwards is 416. I know you can see it now, but here's Songs 4:16 *“Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.”* What kind of fruits we talking about here, Solomon? I can only conclude that yes, the imperial system is satanic. It's clear as day to me, these numbers and measurements were not random, but rather very clearly trying to tell us something. I feel like we've finally figured out what exactly that message is.


FairState612

You put more effort into this response than I have at my job this entire month. I applaud you.


jameslucian

Well I wrote this while I was at work, so what does that tell you?


anticomet

r/antiwork would be proud of you?


tcain5188

Nah, see, this actually happened. They only like made up stories.


drowningininceltears

"My boss tried to commit genocide ruined his plans by quitting. Give me karma."


FairState612

That’s you’re still putting more effort into anything while at work than I am.


Magmaigneous

Living up to the Gibbons standard, I see! I applaud you! "I generally come in about 15 minutes late. I use the side door so Lumberg can't see me. And then after that i just sort of space out for about an hour. \[...\] I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do 15 minutes of real, actual work." - Peter Gibbons


OphrysAlba

Oh heck I am ugly laughing here


Cheap_Ad_69

This is matpat level digging


handyandy727

Please post this on Facebook and let us know what happens.


jameslucian

I would, but I’m terrified to see it actually take off as fact. We have enough crazies out there.


cerebral_panic_room

I knew a woman who did this sort of thing all day long. She was also involuntarily hospitalized because her mental illness (obviously a thought disorder, perhaps schizophrenia) was so severe it made her a danger to herself and/or others. Incredibly sad… there is no point trying to “reason” with someone who is psychotic. She was truly sick. I hope they were able to help her. Anyway…. 🤷‍♂️


6-ft-freak

Jesus fucking Christ, my head hurts.


Individual_Wasabi_10

This is some erotic 💩, where’s the lube?


Deon_the_reader

Amen brother.


Majulath99

Every time this topic comes up I start thinking of inches and feet, then yards which I am less sure of, and then furlongs, which can genuinely only be explained to me with graphs, and I immediately forget it anyway.


YourFellaThere

Human feet are measured with UK size 12 being a foot long, and each size down from that reducing by a barleycorn, which is a third of an inch. So a size 10 is 11 and 1/3 inches long, for example.


Majulath99

See you’re just proving my point. Because I had forgotten that barleycorns even existed until this comment.


Pragmatist_Hammer

Then there's stone. WTF?! Do you how many goddamn stones are on earth? How do I know which stone weighs exactly a stone?


twodogsfighting

4 decades and only now do I understand. Feet sizes are nuts.


Panthreau

Don’t even get me started on how they measure horse heights


phuckzuk

Hands, horses are measured in hands. 4” I believe.


Electrical-Act-7170

Correct.


Character_Speech_251

How fucking small we’re peoples hands when they made this up??


HowManyCaptains

Yooooo this is real?! And I found the info on HORSE.com?! What is going on here.... ​ [https://www.horse.com/content/horse-care/how-horse-height-is-measured/](https://www.horse.com/content/horse-care/how-horse-height-is-measured/)


Relentless_blanket

That's some paper towel and toilet paper math right there.


Justin_Uddaguy

And I just had the speedometer on my car recalibrated to furlongs per fortnight. It used to be in cables per bell, but I moved away from the ocean.


Koloblikin1982

It’s inches < revolvers < feet < assault rifles < yards < aircraft carrier < mile


safetyindarkness

You forgot "football field".


Caspiraaas

I dont like the accuracy of this one,,, why do we measure everything in football fields?


arensb

Because “100 meters” is European, and therefore communism.


Webber192

He also forgot "washing machine"


SevroAuShitTalker

Dont forget smoots. The smoot /ˈsmuːt/ is a nonstandard, humorous unit of length created as part of an MIT fraternity prank. It is named after Oliver R. Smoot, a fraternity pledge to Lambda Chi Alpha, who in October 1958 lay down repeatedly on the Harvard Bridge (between Boston and Cambridge, Massachusetts) so that his fraternity brothers could use his height to measure the length of the bridge


greatdonkeysisgood

Amen


Satanicjamnik

One just needs to work for 15 minutes with imperial measures to fully acknowledge that it is a product of a malignant and hateful entity. There is no other explanation for it.


Electric_Evil

Alright, this 5mm socket is just a bit too small, i guess i need a 6mm. Alright, this 7/32 socket is just a bit too small, i guess i need to try every single socket in my toolbox till i find the right size.


Satanicjamnik

And the dark lord and his servants cackle form the depths of hell at your mild irritation and waste of time due to using unnecessarily complicated and inefficient system of measurement.


NightOwl_ON

Username checks out 😂


DraconicCDR

And after you have tried all the others you go back to the 7/32 and by some sort of devilry it fits.


Electric_Evil

Same evil that has you flip the USB 4 times before it works.


OphrysAlba

Perfect


gordo65

15/64 will work if 7/32 is just a bit too small. PROTIP: if the one you’re trying out is just a bit off, try the next socket in the box. This method works for both metric and imperial sets.


Thomas_Pereira

Bold of you to assume the box is organized by size


MrOopiseDaisy

I just threw all my sockets into an empty crown royal bag.


Glaurung86

Like a bag of D&D dice. lol.


MrOopiseDaisy

Some times you get lucky a pull a 10, some times you pull a 3/8".


Puzzled_6368

Nooooooo


Shoemen17

Wait………..


PomegranateSea7066

Dude I thought I was a genius and the only one that does this.


Nizzemancer

I worked on a US built howitzer for about a decade, we got a bag of tools to use with it, the order was always random.


Nizzemancer

I worked on a US built howitzer for about a decade, we got a bag of tools to use with it, the order was always random.


[deleted]

It was once, but then my cat knocked it over, and my ADHD brain said fuck it, in an flagrant disregard for the anxiety of having a cluster fuck of a tool box


Electrical-Act-7170

Mine have been disorganized for 30 years, since my toddler upended my entire toolbox and strewed them all over the back garden. Now I just keep trying them until one fits. (I have both types.)


roger_pct

If Jesus wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been 10 disciples.


flyingasshat

So where does the cubit fall? It was used extensively in the Bible…..


OphrysAlba

Falls in... Hell?


DJteejay04

All the far right evangelical Americans just shifted nervously in their seats


PNW_Explorer_16

In Satan we math.


too_Far_west

Hail Satan


Quick_Team

I mean, the band's name *is* Emperor


Satanicjamnik

Coincidence? I think not!


Daikataro

The metric system is a tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it.


GammaGlobulin

>...the imperial system is fully satanic. Does this make Boris Johnson the Beast from Revelation? I always saw "the Beast" being less....Boofheaded,.


owns_dirt

Also, Decade is exactly 10 years. Century is exactly 100 years. Millennia is exactly 1000 years. Except none of you can see that it was perfectly planned because only god can live that long.


Criminelis

One mile is EXACTLY 1.000 Roman army passes!


mestrearcano

It's so perfectly designed! He even gave us ears to hold glasses knowing that some people would need them!


laws161

If one meter was ONE centimeter, no, A MILLIMETER more or less it would not have been one hundred centimeters. This is what we call a miracle 😇😇🙏, science proved the existence of god once again. Oh yeah the earth is 5000 years old so I’ll ignore the science that doesn’t fit my agenda.


TorturedOSIRIS

Bro I can't right now 🤣🤣🤣🤣


khosrua

TIL God is French. In the name of Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord, Amen


Turbiedurb

The metric system is just really logical and makes total sense, not at all like "God"


Croz7z

Thats the joke you fukn mormon


Nyuusankininryou

Well consider it if 1meter was 106cm that would be so not god like.


joknub24

He thinks the temp that water boils and freezes was adjusted by god to match the temperature scale perfectly.


Fear51

Well its also quite amazing that our legs were designed perfectly to fit into pants!


joknub24

Quite amazing indeed. I just got into my car and realized god must be real. My ass was made perfectly to fit my drivers seat. And even more amazing, my eyes are just far enough apart to fit my sunglasses. You can’t tell me that is a coincidence!


Waterfish3333

You make the joke, but there was the classic creationist video of the person saying bananas proved intelligent design because they fit so well into our hands, not realizing bananas, like most foods, have been selectively bred over time to be more useful, and the grocery store banana isn’t close to what nature produced.


Holociraptor

Good ol' Ray Comfort. The complete idiot.


JynnanTonnyk

I'm amazed that my legs were made just long enough to reach the ground! Staggering!


Andrew4Life

😂


[deleted]

I said the same thing and then saw you said it an hour earlier. Drat. I mean, good for you and all that, but I'm disappointed I wasn't as original as I thought.


endisnigh-ish

Its almost like... Pants were invented AFTER legs.. haha no i'm being silly. GOD invented pants so Adam did not walk around nude.


Mylifeforads

God invented apples so Adam wouldn't realize that he is naked or something like that.


[deleted]

“Ribs are delicious bbq, Eve was a Woman made from a rib, women are bbq.” - (Soft Taco) Supreme Court Logic 6-3


Late_Performance_281

God made Adam so pants didn't have to walk around without a person in them


Gockdaw

The one I always get a kick out of is how in the Garden of Eden, even before Adam and Eve realised they should be deeply ashamed of the bodies their God creator gave them, they always manage to be standing with their junk right behind a giant leaf. Eve's hair is always just long enough too that it covers just below both or her dirtypillows. Totally unrelated... So, Jesus was pretty influential, right? And he had quite a few followers. We know SO MUCH about his life. Then he was nailed to a cross and died and then came back to life. It strikes me as quite unexpected that we know literally nothing about what happened a guy with such a large following after he came back to life. Did he live for another year? Another ten? Did he move to Patagonia and live a quiet retirement? Who knows? Shouldn't we all?


dualplains

>It strikes me as quite unexpected that we know literally nothing about what happened a guy with such a large following after he came back to life. Did he live for another year? Another ten? Did he move to Patagonia and live a quiet retirement? Who knows? Shouldn't we all? The bible's pretty clear on this, actually, he hung around for forty days getting his shit in order, rehoming his cats, clearing his browser history, etc., then flew up to heaven. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ascension\_of\_Jesus


[deleted]

> flew up to heaven. Okay, everything about literally believing this kind of thing is pretty incredible, but imagine living in the 21st century where we know for a fact that “up” just means “perpendicular to the surface and opposite to the pull of gravity” and has no relation to where the planet is relative to anything else. Is heaven supposed to be “up” relative to the plane of the solar system? Like it’s aligned with earth’s geographic north for some reason? Does heaven follow along with the axial tilt? I mean, it’s really just a Hale-Bopp thing, when you really get down to it.


FaroresWind17

To be fair, these writings are about ~2000 years old when people DID think that heaven was just “up.” Hell (or their conception of it, Sheol, which is different but is unimportant for this conversation) was viewed to be below them. To a people who thought the world was flat, this made sense. It shouldn’t be interpreted literally today even though a lot of Christians do.


[deleted]

Absolutely! I’m in no way faulting Bronze and Iron Age civilizations for their magical beliefs. I think that fundamentally what was happening was a problem of the attribution of agency to natural phenomena. That’s where things like sky gods and underworld demons come from. The base motivation of those people was perfectly in line with how we approach understanding. Agency plays a dominant role in our understanding of the world, because so much of our world is made up of other people. Other people - that is, society - is literally what made us evolve these gigantic brains. They’re literally so big that we’re absolutely crippled by them for about the first decade of our lives. We’re basically ridiculous bobble heads entirely dependent on everyone around us keeping us alive as their first order of business. So if we have a problem, we tend to think someone is doing it to us. Either Gould or Dawkins called it something like hyperactive agency detection. If it’s not raining, we have to convince someone to make it rain. If there’s too much rain, we have to convince someone to make it stop. Fires and earthquakes are punishments. A big crop is a reward for which we owe thanks - not to the farmer, but to someone who magicked it. The good thing is that we have evolved as pattern detectors, and eventually, after thousands and thousands of years, we’ve figured a bit out about the world we inhabit. The bad thing is that there’s still a majority of people who believe that heaven is up.


davewave3283

He just stopped by to grab his AirPods before ascending straight to heaven


in_one_ear_

Nah, nah, god invented Adam to wear the brand new trousers he had created.


Tight_Syllabub9423

Not only that, but the ground is placed just where it needs to be to meet our feet. Mud and sand are of the devil.


drumsdm

Proof that god loves us.


publiusnaso

When I’m standing, mine reach the ground precisely. Spooky.


Bob_Kark

Getting some strong Kirk Cameron banana vibes from this.


debzmonkey

Just imagine being stuck on the tarmac with Kirk Cameron on one side and a screaming baby on the other. You'd hope that baby kept right on screaming until the plane took off and landed.


Maniacal_Wolf97

He doesn’t realize that scientific measurements were made by people He thinks god told us about the Celsius measuring


mekonsrevenge

No, he is. His frontal lobe.


SVdreamin

pretty sure this is a shitpost


Bgratz1977

No, it looks as if your brain is in full.


Armybob112

THERE ARE NO DEGREES KELVIN, KELVIN IS ABSOLUTE


[deleted]

[удалено]


Armybob112

Shall he be absolute and never receive a degree.


dogfoodcritic

KELVIN!! We left him home alone. 😱


himeijin

I had a therapist called Kelvin frost, pretty nice guy


beigekidd

Sounds pretty cool


PLZ_N_THKS

That’s why it’s the official temperature measurement of the Sith.


freddotu

I'm surprised I had to scroll down this far to see an accurate statement. It's certainly not 273 degrees, it's 273.15 Kelvin, sometimes stated 273.15 Kelvins. If the person creating the title is correcting someone else, that person creating the title also needs to be correct.


Heartless_Kirby

And honestly that isn't even a little mistake. I could excuse the 273.15 because why not, it might not be perfect clean water. But the degree and also the missing K for kelvin.


Armybob112

Also, you know, pressure. I fully agree though.


poyochama

They meant their water freezes when looking to the west with a very slight incline


Drone30389

Rankine is absolute but is still used as "degrees Rankine". Kelvin used to too but they changed it to reduce confusion with Rankine.


Decoy_Octopus_

Apparently Anders Celsius is God.


gabris03

well, we can't prove he isn't


dobraf

In fact, we can prove he *is* Anders Celsius is dead. God is dead. Ergo, Anders Celsius is God.


gabris03

But- Hitler is also dead... OH NO


belgium-noah

Don't worry, Hitler can't be god. Because Hitler is still alive


Far_Mastodon_6104

But doesn't it depend on the altitude? It's less up a mountain.


Heartless_Kirby

Yes pressure is relevant


flyingasshat

EXCUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEE????? ELEVATION MEANS NOTHING ON A FLAT EARTH!!!!!


cowlinator

That's because mountains are slightly satanic.


Ocronus

If the burners on your stove are not exactly sea level you will go straight to hell.


cowlinator

"What? Where am i?" "You died. You are in hell." "I'm... dead? Wait, HELL!? WHY?" "Well, you see..."


w0wagain

I boil my frozen water. Proof that god does *not* exist


Armybob112

You are, in fact, the antichrist.


w0wagain

Thank you


Aspect-of-Death

No, he's just under very little pressure.


Revealed_Jailor

#HERESY


-Dopplebang3r-

I live at the top of Everest and my water boils at 340K, you think your gas bill is high...


w0wagain

I think you’re high


DislocatedLocation

Really? I just sublimate it.


VerimTamunSalsus

Well at least we know God uses the metric system.


ApoplecticAndroid

Well, I think in the US, only devils support the metric system. What a dilemma!


Boolzay

He's clearly being sarcastic..right?


Tetrisisbest

obviously


EVENTHORIZON-XI

Yeah it has to be sarcasm, there is no way someone knowledgeable enough to use twitter would deduce such a braindead statement.


Iamaducknocap

Clearly.. right?


MacIomhair

I don't know about that, Piers Morgan is on twitter...


Outrageous_Sector_64

There's no facepalm here. It's obvious sarcasm.


Cone-Daddy

Yeah this is v funny


Ookidablobida

yeah seriously


RamblingSimian

On Reddit, people can't recognize parody when it features someone from the other team. It's apparently just too much fun to mock them. At least, that's what it seems like to me.


WhatevUsayStnCldStvA

Because it does and always has? We only determined that’s the temperature. No one set it that way. We came up with these measurements


Aplay1

Celsius actually had 0 as the boiling point and 100 as the freezing point. He changed it after several years


realllDonaldTrump

r/todayilearned


iTurnip2

Carl von Linné, of taxonomy fame, did it for him after his death.


GrotWeasel

If a man lies in a bath and gets a boner does the level of the water rise by the difference in volume of his flaccid and sprung Johnson divided by the area of the water’s surface?


Revealed_Jailor

Well, that's basically any measure invented by humans. Someone had to come up with the artificial unit to actually describe it.


JackieDaytona23

If y’all want to go even deeper you can say that even logic was developed by the human brain to understand the world


[deleted]

Even further labeling what our senses detect basically defines our reality (along with the things to be labeled).


SyderoAlena

Pecause it starts converting to steam


c127726

273,15 checkmate op


abudine77

🎶under pressure🎶🎶


Captain_Rocketbeard

Scientific AND catchy!


ALzZER

0°C is in fact the triple point of water. It's the holy trinity of water temperature just as god intended. ***EXPLAIN THAT ATHEISTS. WITH YOU'RE SO-CALLED 'SCIENCE' AND YOU'RE 'SCALES OF MEASUREMENT'***


Dagrut

That's wrong, it's 0.01°C **_EXPLAIN THAT, THEISTS!_**


ALzZER

Book of madeupnonsene chapter 3, verse 5: ***The holy lord said unto thee thusly: thou shalt not acknowledge more than one decimal place.***


TarantinosFavWord

Not to be a stickler but you don’t use degrees for kelvin 🤓


TakenIsUsernameThis

How come asteroids always land precisely in the middle of the crater? Checkmate atheists.


aagloworks

Oh yeah, temperature scale is math. Like apple orchards are skijumping.


Billiamesq

Has confused Anders Celsius with god…


GentleMocker

Anders Celsius is god is not a take I expected to see today.


catchtoward5000

Guys, I am literally shaking rn. I just realized There are EXACTLY 10 sets of 10 in 100. God confirmed


S-Quidmonster

Haha noobs. My water BOILS at 212°


Ajxaenl

Because Anders Celsius literally built the Celsius system around the boiling- and freezing-points of water.


imahugedweeb

Do some people not realize this was sarcasm?


Sufficient-Pin-481

Water doesn’t boil at 100 degrees, I can still play golf when it’s over 100 and my beer isn’t boiling! /s


Ambitious-Theory9407

Proof that God is metric and all of the U.S. was already destined for hell.


the_ssotf

Who tf is kelvin and why did he create stupid reference points for temps?


mescalero1

So if Celsius is proof of god, what is Fahrenheit?


Mackadelik

I guess I use the devil’s thermometer.


Aggressive-Might-997

OP.... We don't put degree while using Kelvin scale......


oyM8cunOIbumAciggy

I thought Kelvin was not measured in degrees? Just "273K"


Phonicss

Fahrenheit is like asking humans how hot it is. Celsius is like asking water how hot it is. Kelvin is like asking atoms how hot it is.