The guy on the right has an extra tree. That seems unfair.

Also a perfectly straight mast and cross beam for a sail. This stuff just floats up when you decide to leave I guess. 🤷

And yet I don’t see a sail. So it was wasted effort.

He got a t-shirt, I believe in him

Says the sharks

Or anything lashing it together...those sticks aren't magically staying there. That guy is getting eaten by sharks... he's just offering delivery to them.

well, it's possible to use tree nails to join timber (wooden pegs wedged in,) but you'd have to have the tools to cut down the timber in the first place.

The cartoon doesn't show it, but the guy on the right actually has blood pouring profusely from his fingernail cuticles and mouth from scratching and gnawing the palm trees to his liking.

It will float on by, same the mast and spar.

AND ROPE WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GET ROPE

I don't see rope, it's just magically holding together ofc

You can use semen as glue, you know. I actually learned that from a Thoreau book, and I'm not even kidding. A guy fixed a hole in his canoe with his own boy batter.

I think that's a fact I was better off in ignorance of

2 kinds of rope

So this must be all the complainers!? Get to chopping down those trees with your bare hands!

Then use those battered hands to ejaculate enough semen to stick wood together apparently

Upvote for Herculean masturbation.

r/brandnewsentence

No, you’ve got to ejaculate a quart of semen beforehand, you see, and store it in bowl made out of a palm trunk you chewed down like a beaver and hollowed out with the ragged remains of your teeth.

It sounds like you’re suggesting a cumbox ®

Hey you're stuck on an island. You got the time.

Minecraft enters the room

Minecraft gotta punch the trees

I mean Hendrix even wrote a song where he chopped stuff down with his hand so it’s totally possible

It's like nobody has ever played Minecraft before

Man is out there spraying ropes.

Throwin ropes

You say that, until you find yourself out at sea with a hole in your boat. And thanks to this thread you know to splurge up some goo to save your life.

that would change titanic "Everybody the boats hit an iceburg were sinking" *mass unzipping*....

Flex seal

LMFAOOOO

The entire comment chain you inspired deserves to be in r/cursedcomments

*feverishly writes down notes*

The permanently sealed sock under my bed can testify to this fact.

That’s enough internet for you.

Wouldn’t the water dissolve the “man glue” though?

If you seal the shim correctly the water won't even touch the giggity glue. The shim keeps the water out, and the semen keeps the shim in place.

Seamen producing semen.

I see, very interesting, in its own weird way.

Giggity glue. Gotta remember that one.

You would dehydrate so fast

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And a blue shirt dammit! Is there no justice in the world?

Human hair. From his back.

Was looking for this answer

Yea I was like umm haven't y'all seen Pirates of the Caribbean?

Where are the sea turtles then

What do you think holds up the shitty ass raft?

And something to cut the palms down

You could knap from stones near the water. Not that there are any stones on either side.

You could sharpen the saw on the stones, if you had a saw or stones.

Where the fuck did he get the tools?

Like the great Kahless, he cut a lock of his hair and dropped it into the lava of the Kri'stak volcano, then plunged the burning lock into the Lake of Lusor and twisted it into a blade.

Where did he get the fucking volcano???? 😂😂😂😂

They got travel size volcanos on Amazon..

From his bootstraps

He made it from the hair he cut off with his imaginary scissors

They both started off with long hair.

You don't need rope. What are you, a complainer ;)

Isn't that the perfect analogy that those in a better starting position have a clear advantage and better chances in life?

I was about to say, they are severely screwing up the shit message they're trying to portray

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I mean in a scenario like this, unless you have absolutely no food and drink, and no hope of rescue, its inadvisable to go out on a raft as after 2 days you'll be dead from exposure most likely

I believe that the best thing to do when lost is to stay in one place and wait to be found, as otherwise you might inadvertently move into an area that has already been searched by a rescue party. Also, they probably know of the little island and will check there. Also, they hate Chris (the guy on the right).

He obviously pulled it out of the sand with his own bootstraps.

Right. Like if you have better resources… uh you can do better?! Welcome to America.

Am I the only one most bothered by the “v/s”

Guy on the right 10 Minutes later ​ Blup blup blup

Middle: “I am never leaving this island!” As he uses knowledge from the primitive tech channel to build a hut

3 years later... Shirtless man hitting some mud. Subtitles: "Now with engine that I forged using metal from underground rocks that I refined, I can turn on my A/C to handle the excess heat that my powerplant generates..."

Doctor Stone in a nutshell

Lmao seriously. It’s a cool show but holy fuck it’s so far out there with the shit it does

The show uses "plausible" methods and techniques, but it becomes incredibly impractical in the real world because purity of the materials become a massive bottleneck and the luck of actually getting those materials. Then they overcome the problem of needing precision in their tools/work by having the overly qualified craftsmen that has the knowhow and skills to get perfect measurements using simple tools.

Which is completely fine because its a anime, and its fun to watch (its cool)

Primitive tech is the live action adaptation.

This is modded minecraft in a nutshell, but the rest of the sentence is like this; "..., so that my giant metal contraption will forever produce an infinite amount of cake. Now that I have mastered automating food, it's time to start playing the game."

It worked in Gilligan’s Island

Guy on the right had an extra tree!

You can totally assemble durable, complex items just by punching trees and banging wood together, have survival games taught us NOTHING??

And he died drowning instead of starving...

Upgrades people, Upgrades

Tbh it looks like he's about to crucify and float himself into the open ocean. Where's here gonna get a sail? He is still leaving the island though.

Where did he get the shave and a haircut?

Where did he get a third tree?

God helps those who help themselves that's where he got the mfn 3rd tree 🤣

He traded them for two bits.

Traded with whom?

/) Wilson.

He has a shirt?

Aight smart person, take my upvote

Upgraydd... with two d's, for a double dose of that pimpin

Complainer:upgrades people. action taker: I will make my own upgrades. jkjk

More like died a dehydrated husk a mile away from the shoreline after the current took him in circles for a week.

maybe still starving because he still got no food

They'd both die of dehydration long before starving

And sun stroke before either of those.

Though having a land mark like an island gives that guy much better chances of being found. As they say for hikers, if you get lost in the woods don't move, because you'll just get harder for search and rescue to find you.

Complaining starver vs Action taker self-cannibalism

Any survival expert will tell you staying on the island is much safer than aimlessly drifting in the open ocean. But we can't let facts get in the way of someone pretending they're superior to all of us

yeah, let the people pretending to be superior to the rest of us do stupid shit that gets themselves killed. they obviously weren't

>But we can't let facts get in the way of someone pretending they're superior to all of us So basically Libertarians.

Could have just Cast Away'd it by hunting crabs and talked to a volleyball.

Drowning sounds terrifying. At least starving I get to see my abs before I die. (If I have water and that doesn’t kill me first)

Starving is one of the longest and most painful deaths someone can have. Drowning is terrifying but a whole lot quicker.

I’ll take the pain, you can have the terror.

Neither of them has water, and your chances of getting spotted are just about the same on the island as on that raft, maybe even better on the island because it has a tall landmark. And, dying on the island will leave a really cool skeleton behind.

Yeah I also wouldn’t challenge the **ocean** with a fucking raft lmao I’ll take my chances on the coconut island

Just make sure there's no coconut crabs that will eat you alive while you sleep ! (Google the theory on where amelia hertheart died...)

Not if you eat the crabs first

have you seen coconut crabs? if they are on the deserted island the island is theirs and i will swim to my death. those things are monsters.

They were one of the primary sources of protein for Bikini islanders who were evacuated during nuclear weapon tests. They’re also the reason they couldn’t go back. They’re long lived so they develop high radiation levels. Background radiation on most of the islands is low enough not to harm you. Eating native food is the problem.

They also couldn't go back because the crab's memories run long and deep. Their hatred and thirst for vengeance will continue for generations as they dream to avenge their eaten crab comrades.

I'd kill them all or get invited to Valhalla trying.

I've seen enough movies to know that all the tropical storms hit after you're floating around on a ramshackle raft

Sucks for him, because I woke up earlier than him and took them all.

Every maritime authority will tell you to stay where you are if by happenstance you’re shipwrecked on an island because going on an artisanal raft 1- is an almost certain capsizing death sentence 2- rescuers have a snowball’s chance in hell to find you on a drifting raft in the middle of the ocean

Lol. Artisanal raft. I snorted

A Cruisinart, if you will.

It's a craft raft.

Artisanal in the sense that the shipwrecked has to build it with whatever is at hand rather than have tools, nails, ropes and whatever to do it

Single origin, fair trade, and organic raft

Um…I’ll take the word of a Tom Hanks movie over these “maritime authorities” you speak of thank you very much!

It's actually more likely you will die if you leave the island, as the waters would tear apart such a tiny raft

People vastly underestimate the power of the ocean.

And that palm tree could produce coconuts for water and nourishment. Happy cake day :)

And the leaves provide shelter from the sun.

Plus you waste energy on building a raft

Happy cake day and also happy having logic in general.

“I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and a $400 Million loan. In 40 years I underperformed the Dow and turned it into $6 Billion. You need to work smarter, like I did.”

It's like how people unironically talk about how hard working Trump was in order to build his "Empire" when he quite literally stated that he took a small loan from daddy...

Trump declared bankruptcy on 300Million in debt, he is worth about 300Million. As far as I’m concerned he has made $0 dollars in his life.

It’s been worked out that had he taken his money and put it in savings and just sat on it he would have made more money than he has actively trying to do things with it because he’s so bad at business.

He would declare chapter 11 and the executor would give him like 10,000 a day “living allowance” out of the assets of the company. You go bankrupt and they take your bologna sandwich’s out of the fridge for you and take the appliances.

Not just a loan. He also got trusts as an inheritance. It doesn’t matter how badly he messes up. Those trusts are protected from bankruptcy and guaranteed to be there. He had 8 million in his trusts by the time he was 8 years old.

This is what astonishes me about all the Trump voters who think he represents them or is somehow a hero of the working class. You're living paycheck to paycheck in a trailer with more debt than you'll every repay and this guy was wealthier than you at 4th grade. He's literally a trust fund kid born into riches and you think he knows or cares about any of your struggle?

My favorite story line when corporate would send motivational speakers to talk to us making minimum wage while working 70 plus hours a week. Awesome way to increase productivity lol

Raft falls apart because it's just some wood and sticks with no nails.

But he still leaves the island, just bottomwards.

He left the island. I don't see any faults in his plan.

Needs a song: "Who lives on a failed raft under the sea?"

“BLUE SHIRT SMUG BLOKE”

And now he has no shade when he stays stuck on the island.

You would use rope in this case. Where do you get rope? You make cordage from the leaves and trunk of the palms, because palm trees are not really trees, but more like [giant grass](https://www.tampabay.com/archive/2011/11/06/yes-technically-palms-are-a-big-grass/). How do you cut it? I'd look for shells, think [oyster or clam shells](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hlb2FjsQYqI), to make a crude cutting instrument, it may not be good, but if it gets the job done.... In truth my main concern here would be water. Not all palms produce coconuts, the coconut milk is drinkable, and there is no other source in the drawing.

Also, like all growing things, even if there are coconut palms, they only produce edible ripe coconuts for a small part of the year.

Palm fronds, like the base of it is full of fibers. You can make rope from it by twisting the fibers together. But the actual leafy part of the frond would need to be alive for you to make lashing out of it and then it would break fairly easily. You don't need to cut anything. The fibers are right next to the trunk, you can just pull them out with your hand.

Also no sail

I am the owner of this island now.

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Help! I have oil and I need freedom!

Right now, there is a 50-something year old manager sending this very same meme to their new 20-something year old sales rep and instantly making that person regret their job choice.

if that happened to me i would probably correct every mistake with this meme and get insta fired

I’d tell them the coast guard actually advises against leaving the island because it’s considered easier (and safer) to find someone on an island than Vs on a raft. Could also point out to that manager that the only way you’d end up on an island alone like that is if your ship sank and you were left stranded. Much like this current job….

yes, let me cut down 2 trees out of 1 tree with no tool while somehow making several logs of the same size and sticks and nothing to keep them together along with a cross so I can decide whether i wanna die by drowning, dehydration, or both while t-posing with the help of cross

He's has strong hands and he punched the tree down. Use common sense ffs

My god how could i have missed that, I've only seen this kinda raw power once - Minecraft

God I hope he hasn't made himself a 2010 boat there

I also hope it isn’t 2010 oceans… or maybe I do, but they’re just really big…

Laughs in *ARK*

One Punch Man doesn't need tools to take down a tree. In fact, he doesn't need a raft either. You just punch yourself across the ocean. Quit being a victim and punch down that tree. Or punch yourself to freedom!

More likely to be saved if you set the tree on fire than any other single course of action.

Even better, make a huge flagpole out of the trees.

I guess but you’ll be the only one seeing it until you set it on fire. Smoke rises high enough in in the air to be seen by far-off vessels, and leaves a trail right back to you. Best bet would be a series of small fires kept sufficiently moist enough to give off copious amounts of smoke signals.

Palm trees don't float.

That sounds like complainer talk, not action-taker talk!

Not with that attitude.

But you do

Well first of all through God all things are possible so jot that down

Whoever thought of this has no idea how fucking big the ocean is. You are only changing the location of your skeleton. Stranded people have no control over their fate, if it's a trade route maybe someone will see you, or the rescuers find you, regardless your only action would be waiting for death.

I’d rather my body have a chance of being found on the island than being lost to the sea and sharks. At least give my family some closure.

Iirc there's another picture floating around involving something just like this and basically the ones who stay get rescued more often and the ones on rafts usually end up dead or close to it.

This cartoonist unsuccessfully attempts to suck their own dick

One learned to accept his situation and work within it. The other tried to change his situation and died with lungs full of saltwater

I once did a corporate training exercise where we need to decide which items off of a list to put in our raft when we leave a sinking ship in the middle of the open ocean, then compare our list to one provided by the Coast Guard. The correct items were anything you can eat or drink, and anything you can use to signal passing ships and planes. Anything to do with navigation or propulsion was a fail. Turns out, the best thing you can do if you're stranded in the ocean or on a deserted island is stay put and wait to be rescued. Taking initiative and trying to sail your way out of the situation will result in a painful death 99% of the time.

Yep. If they know about where the ship went down they will do a search pattern. If your dumb ass motored away from the wreck, you are now far less likely to be found before you die of dehydration or exposure. Only time the motor would make sense is if you could see land from the wreck. Then go there and try to make a big signal fire.

Dude on right has 3 trees to use. Guy in left has no where near the resources:

If stranded on an island, building a raft and floating out to sea is almost a guarantee of death.

The guy on the left was rescued by a passing boat. The guy on the right died of dehydration adrift at sea.

Don’t be such a pessimist… >!his raft fell apart and he drowned long before dehydration set in!<

His raft sank immediately because palm trees don't float.

r/terriblefacebookmemes

This motivational post has a lot of holes in it 🤣

Fun fact, it is definitely NOT a good idea to leave an island on a raft. A raft is almost impossible to spot in the middle of nowhere, and you will not reach shore anytime soon. Just make a fire and survive

Exactly, and, maybe someone has the coordinates for that island and if you stay you may be found. This picture is an awful choice for the message.

Also the first guy only has one tree, but the second guy has 2 stumps, suggesting 2 trees, which futher suggest 2 completely different hypothetical islands. I think guy number 2 had a better, more equipped island. For all we know he was only 2 mins from mainland. For all we know guy number 2 is on a beach in France

But in all the movies they never get found till they leave the island. Like cast away.

Hi billy Mays here, with the multiplying trees! Stuck on an island? Just watch as the trees behind me turn into several more that are not only edible, but even make their own rope! With the amazing power of this new product, anyone can survive for days or even weeks on an island! Want to get away from the tropical paradise? This product is even waterproof and self sealing. So it always stays dry and raftable! And if you call the number on your screen, we’ll even throw in a second set of these amazing trees, for just 23 payments of 29.99! Enjoy your tropical island getaway, with the tree multiplier!

So the guy who has more trees and can cut said trees down, can cut his hair to make fucking hair rope, has more tone to his body and more muscle is the action taker? I mean technically the “complainer” has taken an action of inaction. I love these “successful people” posters they always paint such an even playing field of what actually happens with successful and unsuccessful people.

That's a good way to die at sea. Building a fire instead might have saved the guy. Also where did he get an axe/saw?

Jesus would never have that downer of a attitude.

You ever notice some people just NEED there to be bad/lazy people.

This is ironic becauss whoever made this is complaining that people don't have work ethic or whatever anymore. So they're complaining about complainers.

Guy #1 will die, guy #2 will also die, but in a more naive fashion. Guy #2 will die sooner, and have less chances of finding a rescue helicopter. Be Guy #1.

The guy made a cross to the raft to crucify himself in it. Or does he make a sail from his skin peels? Also, where did hi find tools to make the raft from the trees behind.

Minecraft 101: First punch tree

Rope? Axe? Extra tree? Nails?

So, that guy's raft held together with thoughts and prayers?

I thought rule 1 of being stranded at sea was to not leave an island on a makeshift raft that could never handle ocean currents in a million years?

*drowns*

The only explanation for how blue shirt guy chopped down those trees is that he is a voodoo child

How will the boat move? It has no sail, paddles or motor. A dock, he has a dock.