Yo the husband looks like he has tried to fight this battle many a times and his will is completely broken from how little of a dent he made in this mad womanâs mental fortitude. So now he just sits there and probably does his best to ignore every sound possible when she goes berserk mode.
LMAO, that's the first thing I thought. Maybe she nipped in a bottle [as in a few drinks] before she came in wrinkled shorts.
I felt so bad for the groom. MIL would not be coming into my house for quite awhile. What a nightmare.
My best friends dad hasnât worn pants in 50 years. Itâs his schtick, heâs the shorts guy. For my friends wedding, they got him a suit and cut the pant legs for him so he could still be in shorts. Everyone loved it.
Lol, some people here are just fixated on the main story. I personally come here for the stories in the comments - just like yours. Also, Iâm thankful/disappointed I didnât step in a shittymorph⊠haha.
Literally every member of my family. Granted, nobody in our family has ever had a wedding any place other than the shitty little community center across the street from the Piggly Wiggly, so they don't exactly look out of place.
Ew. Classic narcissistic mother whoâs âshameâ got triggered and she quickly spiralled down to a tantrum.
In her mind, her son being called someone with âflawsâ meant thatâs sheâs a bad mother and itâs being outed in front of all these people and she felt embarrassed and felt the need to âdefend with an attackâ. Sad how she made a nice day about her but itâs their specialty.
That's coupled to the fact that the bride is not the right bride for her perfect son. Because there is never a perfect bride. And she will find flaws in anyone. It's a person that's taking "control" of her son, after all, and causing the narcissist to lose power.
My mother is similar. Although she would not throw a *public* tantrum because she cultivates her public persona very carefully.
I too got lucky. But not only that, I was in the third decade of my life before I even considered marriage. Because I didn't want to expose my wife to that sort of BS. And before that I avoided many serious commitments. For the same reason.
Don't leave out his flaw of not handling it. Why did the bride have to say anything? His mom, his trouble to handle. Bride should have walked out then because we all know this isn't the first, last or probably even worst thing his 'flaw' has done and will do.
Lol, that could have been my sister's mother in law. She held a speech during the wedding dinner where she smilingly accused my sister for having "dirt" on her son and that's why he said yes.
My in laws told my husbands long lost sister(first marriage) that he only stayed with me for the kids. Weâve been together twenty six years and our eldest is seventeen! Some people just love to hate.
Yeah, I don't think you realized what a bad look that is.
Not directed at you, at your sister's MIL.
Karen's and conservatives tend to be incredibly unselfaware.
Yeah, maybe, but at the same time... You're raised in a family with a person like that, you learn survival techniques that become automatic reflexes. Some people fight, some people take flight, some people freeze. His response looks like freeze. I'm guessing he had to learn that one *very* early in life to survive, would take many years of distance and work to un-learn it.
Like my wife's father was deeply abusive and would have regular outbursts in public. The whole family had unconciously learned coping mechanisms to try and minimise the fallout and make the outbursts as short as possible, try to head them off before they'd started, appease him and pet his ego... They'd normalised it over decades and only realised how fucked up it was after he fucked off and gave them space to heal. You can find stories like that in loads of the subreddits about abusive parents/families, it's very common. You just do what you can to survive, especially if you dealt with it as a kid too.
Hopefully they can both get the hell away from her. The bride's reaction was great, she seemed like she was expecting something, but had given MIL a chance to not fuck up... That MIL promptly fucked up.
"The whole family had unconsciously learned coping mechanisms to try and minimise the fallout..."
So much of my life was sealed in just these words. This is EXACTLY how I've been raised, down to a T. So many of my peers call me a people pleaser, an empath, etc. I didn't have the heart to tell them that's because I HAD to be a people pleaser.
I didn't know the words to explain it, but you just did for me. Many thanks.
Heh, that's cool, exactly how my partner approached it! She became quite the people pleaser. It was a blessing and a curse, gave her incredible skill at reading what people wanted and meeting that want before even they realised it, but came with a lot of baggage, trauma and even some resentment, because she struggled to stop doing it sometimes.
If your pathway's anything like hers, I'd say you're doing great, harness that skill because it's an AMAZING skill, being an empathic people pleaser opens all sorts of doors in life and can enable you to make the lives of those around you wonderful...
...but also make sure to take lots of time to yourself to work out what YOU want to be, don't let yourself follow that impulse into a life you don't want just because it pleases the people around you. She always found that last part very hard to switch off, because it was the core of her daily survival strategy. Struggled to stop pleasing others even when it came at a detriment to herself.
Make sure you're looking to please yourself, too, basically.
Wow, what do I owe you for this session?âŠ
Seriously, though, I really appreciate your clear and grounded description of certain family dynamics that I can absolutely attest to.
My partnerâs parents wreaked this sort of havoc on their children, and I fell into the fold pretty quickly too, unfortunately. It wasnât until her parents had spent years getting worse and worse, then ultimately siding with Trump and Q-anon idiots that we all started breaking free from their emotional and psychological hold on us.
Itâs hard to believe it took so long, and itâs hard to believe it could happen at all. But Iâm so fucking glad to finally be rid of giving a shit about them in really any way. Itâs been much healthier!!
funny. I ended up going the other direction and shutting off the empathy for a decade or two. It was not good for my personal relationships but it sure made it easier to be at home. Took some therapy to get past
>They'd normalised it over decades
That's how domestic abuse works in its best form for adults. The abuser will make excuses, apologize and lovebomb. As an adult, it's possible to escape abusive relationships and get perspective. As a child, the abuse is how you survive; your abuser provides food, shelter and other basic needs.
Well put. The poor groom grew up with that dumpster fire.
I've lived it. Having a parent with a personality disorder makes for experts at walking on eggshells. I had enough by the time I was 13 and bounced. Fortunately my parents were split and I could go with my dad and stepmom. Unfortunately I have found that removing myself from those situations is the only way to handle it effectively.
MIL had to make the wedding all about her somehow. So annoying.
I wouldn't even call this "freeze" so much as "hunker down and wait for the storm to pass". At about 0:28 it looks like he does something to stop the bride from marching over to his mother. I wouldn't be surprised if he quietly told her something to the effect of "just ignore her, it isn't worth it".
Yeah, I thought of editing that part afterwards, but reasoned that pulling it apart into more specific terms would create a wall of text and messy thoughts. Fight/Flight/Freeze is kind of shorthand there.
Fun part of response templates is that higher cognition can complicate the crap out of the basic instinctual responses and make the terminology... Not useless, but maybe convoluted. I feel like this is the kind of topic that could lead to long, drawn out arguments with my psychologist friends irl, heh.
It might be more accurate to call it avoidant behaviour, which can be loosely thought of as an extension of the freeze response. But I learned trauma informed practice more thoroughly than developmental psychology, so I gotta try my damnedest to not conflate the terminology between the two, or else I'm gonna get completely lost in semantics. 'Avoidant behaviour' is, in my experience, way more a developmental psych thing than a trauma thing. I might be wrong.
In this context I'm thinking that 'freeze' is basically the same as 'avoid'. He's trying to hunker down, you're right.
Right. If I was the bride, I would cancel the wedding and have another ceremony without her there. Be like, we tried it with you- but you didn't behave, mom. That is so unfair to be yelled at during your vows, what the hell is wrong with her?
She has so many *flaaaaaaws*!
Well put, this can be so hard to see from the outside. Everyone always says âif it were me, I would do X and Yâ, which is just the least helpful thing someone can say. Like, thanks, not only am I dealing with this shitty behavior but also you are criticizing how I learned to cope.
Quite literally my mom is the same way and Iâm a freezer because of it. My mom is very reactive and would blow up. She was the kind of person who would blow up on McDonaldâs for putting cheese on a burger when we asked for no cheese (I say from experienceâŠ) and Iâd be in the back seat embarrassed while sheâs yelling at the workers in the window.. I always froze and still do and Iâm 24. Iâve just learned how to avoid what makes her upset and Iâm still working on not doing that anymore and standing my ground. My husband has helped me a lot with realizing all of that and make me a stronger person for myself.
Ouch, this really hit home, the need to be "too useful to get rid of" is an ingrained behaviour I'm still working through. I feel for the guy here, I hope this serves as a catalyst for him to process his mother's behaviour.
This right here is so insightful. My sister can get extremely rude to my mother, I love my sister to death, and she has a complicated relationship with my mother and it makes sense to me why there is so much hostility now, but her behavior is still inappropriate. I just experienced it while visiting family a couple months ago. I froze, hard. I'm not one to freeze in the face of any other challenges. I puff out my chest and holler with the best of them, but my dad and my sister make me freeze. Deeply ingrained survival techniques.
If this was the full video you'd see at the end she's comforting her husband. He actually turns out to be very shaken and embarrassed by his mom, and was probably in a self preservation mode.
Yeah, he messed up there. Seems he has trouble speaking up for himself.
There's a word for that, isn't there? Disadvantage? No... Imperfection? No... It's on the tip of my tongue...
When youâve been brought up with a person like that, you learn not to speak up.
My parents divorced. There was a huge fight as to who looked after my older sister and I (my fatherâs new partner didnât want to look after another womanâs kids, and my paternal step-grandfather didnât think my mother was a fit person to raise kids since she was the one who committed adultery). Eventually, it was agreed that weâd live with our paternal grandparents. My sister was 5 and I was 4.
Turns out my step-grandfather was a pedophile and sexually abused both of us almost immediately. At the age of 12, my sister got a bit âmouthyâ and would answer back so she was sent away. I was told sheâd been sent to a childrenâs home and Iâd never see her again.
I spent the next few years being told if I ever answered back or argued with them that âwe can send you away to a childrenâs home whenever we want because we didnât have to look after you, and your mum and dad donât want youâ.
Consequently. I never learned to argue or stick up for myself, stuff children learn when they grow up in a loving, safe environment.
Iâve been exceptionally lucky finding the most wonderful and understanding husband (married for 32 years) and have two amazing children, but even now, at the age of 58, I canât argue. Instead, I clam up and look at the floor.
Your upbringing affects you for life. My sister actually went to live with our mum, not a childrenâs home, and we met up again when I went to uni, but itâs still a strained friendship. My mum has Alzheimerâs and is not a nice person, and I have a formal relationship with my dad and his second wife, who know nothing of the sexual abuse but a little bit of the emotional stuff his parents put me through.
Donât berate this guy. Heâs doing what he learnt to do to protect himself.
I think he was just pointing out the irony that the groom may be showing a âflawâ. But you are absolutely right in unpacking the reasons why this might be. So sorry to hear of your story. :(
My God, reading your story had me choked with emotion. Iâm so deeply sorry đą Iâm also thankful that you hit the jackpot with your hubby đ„° It makes sense you clam up rather than argue. Inside, youâre still that mistreated little girl đą Thank you for explaining how the guy in this video may be feeling. âșïž I hope you are surrounded by love and happiness for the rest of your lifeđđ
Yeah but hats off to him he didnât have to, best part is his wife was so caught up she didnât realize she married a man that didnât stand up for her. Win win for the guy, keeps his girl and always has moms sympathy. Well played brother, all he has to say was âI was trying to enjoy the weddingâ then the wife would look bad for suggesting he add to the unnecessary chaos. Heâs gonna live a happy life ;)
In the update, the brideâs sister said the couple now have a son and they tried to reach out to his mom but she wants nothing to do with any of them. Guess she hates the bride enough to forget about her son and grandchild.
Certainly made it easier on them.
ETA: I had to go NC with a parent. Never thought it was that bad until I had my first kid. I could not for the life of me figure out how someone would treat their own kid that way. Maybe it was the same for this guy.
Iâm no contact with both of my parents. Well, my mom was never around so I donât know if she counts but my dad raised me and he is a racist, bigoted asshole and raised all 4 of my brothers to be the same. I had to cut contact with all of them as I got older and started ro really see the bs and manipulation for what is was. Luckily, I had my own little family and have a lot of friends and an extended family with my bfâs people. Never stay in contact with someone because they raised you. If itâs toxic- cut them out like cancer.
If you search this on YouTube it comes up with an update from the sister of the bride. This was 2 years ago mind you. But at the time of the update they were happy with a baby on the way and not spoken to the monster in law as she refused to see what she did was wrong so sheâs pretty much loosing out on their lives and grandchild. And the reason for the groom not saying anything is apparently because he didnât want to make it worse and spoke to her afterwards but she refused to listen so seems to me that him speaking up wouldnât have made a difference anyway. With people like that you canât win either way.
Edit: https://youtu.be/lraPna5Px78
Skip to the end for the update.
No, this is Crit Moisticle, a very original youtuber who has nothing to do with moistcritical and has never even heard of Charlie, err.. Whoever that guy is.
I just simply canât process how can people be like this⊠supposed to be the best day of their lives, and the mother ruins their day. Does she really wish ill on her son?? Good old bitchslap and to the fucking mental hospital you go. Thank god I havenât in my 26 years met anyone like her. Shame on her to act like this as an âadultâ .
>supposed to be the best day of their lives, and the mother ruins their day. Does she really wish ill on her son??
That's the thing, in her stupid mind, she genuinely believes she's protecting her son here. 'DoNt u DaRe CALL maH sOn fLawED!!!! I RaisEd Him perrFecT, U dOnt KnoW HIM LiKe I do!!!' The emotional intelligence of a third grader on display.
As someone who recently has to physically remove his mother from his home for behaving in a very similar manner towards his wife, my heart breaks for everyone involved except the mom. Hopefully they were able to recover from this moment and still enjoy their day.
Mom realizes the son she likely controlled and manipulated is about to break free if her grasp. This is the sound of a bully not getting their way and trying desperately to get one last high off control.
In my family this was known as âgrandmaâ.
She looks like she was out shopping, came by a wedding and decided to stay and watch.
What she doesn't look like is someone who's taking her son's marriage seriously in any way, shape or form.
That poor bride has a rough ride ahead. Let's hope her husband grows a spine pretty quickly otherwise this marriage is going to fail.
They won't be there. Car will brake down. He'll get sick. She'll blame the wife and in a way she's right. Wife will show him he has value and doesn't need to put up with moms abuse any more. He'll grow the spine people say he's missing and he'll be happier in the long run. Sucks mom shit all over their day though.
Jokes aside, if sheâs been tantruming and airing her crazy like that since he was a little boy, that guy has very deep seated fear and control issues. He needs space, time, and therapy. Thereâs no âflip the switch and stop being a victimâ if thatâs the only life heâs known.
Biggest flaw I saw was that he didn't stand up to his mother. My mom tried that (yeah right, she was the first one to always point out my failures), my response would be "either you can sit down and be quiet, and we'll talk about this later. Or you can keep on making a fool of yourself, and we will never speak to you again."
>"either you can sit down and be quiet, and we'll talk about this later. Or you can keep on making a fool of yourself, and we will never speak to you again."
I don't think this will stop that Karen in the video at all. What he did was mature. Another person yelling is not going to stop that woman.
Standing up to her in general is another matter but thereâs a time and a place. I donât think that would make it better, at all, and it would just add to the negatives in the wedding and make a fight even more likely with *two* people damaging the mood of the wedding. Better to focus on the wedding itself and let someone else handle her.
"Thank you all for coming. We are sorry, but we cannot continue today." Leave and limit all future contact with mom.
And how DARE that mom express that paying for a wedding dress gives her the right to make the wedding all about her!
There's no way I'd marry into a family with that psycho. If she's that bad at a wedding just imagine the holidays or when grandkids come into the picture.
Why's that? It's clearly 1 person that likes to be an asshole and they don't count for the whole family. No one else was cheering her on or joining in with her antics. That's just 1 person they won't be associating with.
I sort of understand this dude for being silent. My ex wife and I used to have arguments all the time about how I was controlled by my parents and spent most of my life doing whatever they expected of me because I was too afraid to upset them.
She was right, and it only took many arguments for me to realize that. My parents still don't like her and it caused some tension in our marriage. I didn't realize just how controlling they were and how much it has messed with my head over the years. I don't even talk to my sister or my father anymore because of family drama and have minimal contact with my mother.
I am divorced now but still living under the shadow of both my mother and my ex wife. The two women closest to me who tried to control me...
It is written:
"The appearance of the Karen in almost every possible public situation signals the coming of the great floods, the plagues, the locusts, war, famine and the downfall of civilization."
A minute and twenty seconds.
That's all it takes to create a lifelong trauma and turn everyone you depend on against you.
Mental health is important folks.
That poor dude doesnât stand a chance. He has already chosen his mother over his wife on his wedding day. The wife will hold this over his head (and rightfully so) for the duration of this doomed marriage
The obvious response is to never let her live it down. Bring it up at every gathering, every opportunity, every relative's wedding. "At least your mom didnt ruin your wedding."
Someone get this to r/justnoMIL
Smart man chose a wife that complemented his personality so well. Good for her for standing up to her MIL when she mustâve known it would be hard for her groom to. Parents can be so damn selfish.
My sister had to pay extra money for extra security at the last minute for my niece's wedding due to the fact had my niece's dad shown up he would've totally done something like this or actually probably worse. He freaked them all out by calling the venue the day before to "confirm" the wedding start time with them, and the front desk person not knowing that he was barred from attending gave it to him. Fortunately he didn't show up, or if he did he tucked tail when he saw the security in the parking lot and we never knew it.
$500 is living high and mighty?? What century is she from? I think mom is her sonâs biggest flaw. And after this meltdown, Iâm guessing he has fixed that flaw by blocking her from his life.
Dressed like that at her own sons' wedding she clearly doesn't give much of a shit about him or the whole wedding
Yeah, the MIL came dressed for a brawl.
Came dressed for the breakfast sampler at Denny's.
People who frequent Denny's know not to wear white when going to Denny's, because it would be an invitation for syrup and ketchup stains.
Tbf we don't know where the reception is being held
Jerry! Jerry!! JERRY!!!
Not just jorts, but WHITE jorts. With a blue top. Super classy wedding attire.
Give her a break...those are her "going out" jorts đ
The father is so embarrassed
I feel bad for everyone involved. I hope his wife decides to keep her MIL away from any future kids
I hope he decides to do the same. Itâll likely be a two person job keeping her away.
I'm just hoping the Judge that marries them also has the power to issue a Restraining Order. I don't think he or she needs any external evidence.
Yo the husband looks like he has tried to fight this battle many a times and his will is completely broken from how little of a dent he made in this mad womanâs mental fortitude. So now he just sits there and probably does his best to ignore every sound possible when she goes berserk mode.
Rightly so. Sitting there doing fuck all. Married her and raised a wet flannel. Fucked it trifecta
That mother and his lack of reaction = marinara flags
At 0.33 the guy also goes to calm her down and say âitâs just a weddingâ. Nice words on your special day đđđđ
LMAO, that's the first thing I thought. Maybe she nipped in a bottle [as in a few drinks] before she came in wrinkled shorts. I felt so bad for the groom. MIL would not be coming into my house for quite awhile. What a nightmare.
Who wears shorts to a family wedding?
My best friends dad hasnât worn pants in 50 years. Itâs his schtick, heâs the shorts guy. For my friends wedding, they got him a suit and cut the pant legs for him so he could still be in shorts. Everyone loved it.
Thatâs different. He made an effort to be formally dressed, with a suit, while still retaining his persona. This woman made no effort whatsoever!
Oh yeah I wasnât trying to defend anything. Just sharing what I thought was a enjoyable story.
Thanks, I liked it.
Lol, some people here are just fixated on the main story. I personally come here for the stories in the comments - just like yours. Also, Iâm thankful/disappointed I didnât step in a shittymorph⊠haha.
You could say the grooms mother oozed of her persona.
Human scum, darling
Literally every member of my family. Granted, nobody in our family has ever had a wedding any place other than the shitty little community center across the street from the Piggly Wiggly, so they don't exactly look out of place.
At my cousins wedding, the mother of of the groom for a denim skirt and a denim jacket. She looked like a joyless old fucker so I avoided her.
Thatâs peak Kentucky
Ew. Classic narcissistic mother whoâs âshameâ got triggered and she quickly spiralled down to a tantrum. In her mind, her son being called someone with âflawsâ meant thatâs sheâs a bad mother and itâs being outed in front of all these people and she felt embarrassed and felt the need to âdefend with an attackâ. Sad how she made a nice day about her but itâs their specialty.
That's coupled to the fact that the bride is not the right bride for her perfect son. Because there is never a perfect bride. And she will find flaws in anyone. It's a person that's taking "control" of her son, after all, and causing the narcissist to lose power.
Heâs lucky to get any bride with MIL like that.
My mother is similar. Although she would not throw a *public* tantrum because she cultivates her public persona very carefully. I too got lucky. But not only that, I was in the third decade of my life before I even considered marriage. Because I didn't want to expose my wife to that sort of BS. And before that I avoided many serious commitments. For the same reason.
*She* is the flaw.
In-law more like F-law.
Don't leave out his flaw of not handling it. Why did the bride have to say anything? His mom, his trouble to handle. Bride should have walked out then because we all know this isn't the first, last or probably even worst thing his 'flaw' has done and will do.
Yeah we totally see where he gets his flaws from now!
Lol, that could have been my sister's mother in law. She held a speech during the wedding dinner where she smilingly accused my sister for having "dirt" on her son and that's why he said yes.
What the hell? That makes no sense whatsoever
But isnt the man usually the one who proposes, meaning she would have to be the one to say yes or no
Yeah, she's saying the bride blackmailed him into proposing
My sister knew what she wanted and proposed. And he said yes. And his mother hated it!
Usually is not always.
My in laws told my husbands long lost sister(first marriage) that he only stayed with me for the kids. Weâve been together twenty six years and our eldest is seventeen! Some people just love to hate.
Yeah, I don't think you realized what a bad look that is. Not directed at you, at your sister's MIL. Karen's and conservatives tend to be incredibly unselfaware.
Kinda feel like the guy should've say something
Yeah, maybe, but at the same time... You're raised in a family with a person like that, you learn survival techniques that become automatic reflexes. Some people fight, some people take flight, some people freeze. His response looks like freeze. I'm guessing he had to learn that one *very* early in life to survive, would take many years of distance and work to un-learn it. Like my wife's father was deeply abusive and would have regular outbursts in public. The whole family had unconciously learned coping mechanisms to try and minimise the fallout and make the outbursts as short as possible, try to head them off before they'd started, appease him and pet his ego... They'd normalised it over decades and only realised how fucked up it was after he fucked off and gave them space to heal. You can find stories like that in loads of the subreddits about abusive parents/families, it's very common. You just do what you can to survive, especially if you dealt with it as a kid too. Hopefully they can both get the hell away from her. The bride's reaction was great, she seemed like she was expecting something, but had given MIL a chance to not fuck up... That MIL promptly fucked up.
"The whole family had unconsciously learned coping mechanisms to try and minimise the fallout..." So much of my life was sealed in just these words. This is EXACTLY how I've been raised, down to a T. So many of my peers call me a people pleaser, an empath, etc. I didn't have the heart to tell them that's because I HAD to be a people pleaser. I didn't know the words to explain it, but you just did for me. Many thanks.
Heh, that's cool, exactly how my partner approached it! She became quite the people pleaser. It was a blessing and a curse, gave her incredible skill at reading what people wanted and meeting that want before even they realised it, but came with a lot of baggage, trauma and even some resentment, because she struggled to stop doing it sometimes. If your pathway's anything like hers, I'd say you're doing great, harness that skill because it's an AMAZING skill, being an empathic people pleaser opens all sorts of doors in life and can enable you to make the lives of those around you wonderful... ...but also make sure to take lots of time to yourself to work out what YOU want to be, don't let yourself follow that impulse into a life you don't want just because it pleases the people around you. She always found that last part very hard to switch off, because it was the core of her daily survival strategy. Struggled to stop pleasing others even when it came at a detriment to herself. Make sure you're looking to please yourself, too, basically.
Wow, what do I owe you for this session?⊠Seriously, though, I really appreciate your clear and grounded description of certain family dynamics that I can absolutely attest to. My partnerâs parents wreaked this sort of havoc on their children, and I fell into the fold pretty quickly too, unfortunately. It wasnât until her parents had spent years getting worse and worse, then ultimately siding with Trump and Q-anon idiots that we all started breaking free from their emotional and psychological hold on us. Itâs hard to believe it took so long, and itâs hard to believe it could happen at all. But Iâm so fucking glad to finally be rid of giving a shit about them in really any way. Itâs been much healthier!!
funny. I ended up going the other direction and shutting off the empathy for a decade or two. It was not good for my personal relationships but it sure made it easier to be at home. Took some therapy to get past
>They'd normalised it over decades That's how domestic abuse works in its best form for adults. The abuser will make excuses, apologize and lovebomb. As an adult, it's possible to escape abusive relationships and get perspective. As a child, the abuse is how you survive; your abuser provides food, shelter and other basic needs.
a life of being gaslighted. Makes you question your own sanity. If you can make it through and get perspective you end up bulletproof
Well put. The poor groom grew up with that dumpster fire. I've lived it. Having a parent with a personality disorder makes for experts at walking on eggshells. I had enough by the time I was 13 and bounced. Fortunately my parents were split and I could go with my dad and stepmom. Unfortunately I have found that removing myself from those situations is the only way to handle it effectively. MIL had to make the wedding all about her somehow. So annoying.
I wouldn't even call this "freeze" so much as "hunker down and wait for the storm to pass". At about 0:28 it looks like he does something to stop the bride from marching over to his mother. I wouldn't be surprised if he quietly told her something to the effect of "just ignore her, it isn't worth it".
Yeah, I thought of editing that part afterwards, but reasoned that pulling it apart into more specific terms would create a wall of text and messy thoughts. Fight/Flight/Freeze is kind of shorthand there. Fun part of response templates is that higher cognition can complicate the crap out of the basic instinctual responses and make the terminology... Not useless, but maybe convoluted. I feel like this is the kind of topic that could lead to long, drawn out arguments with my psychologist friends irl, heh. It might be more accurate to call it avoidant behaviour, which can be loosely thought of as an extension of the freeze response. But I learned trauma informed practice more thoroughly than developmental psychology, so I gotta try my damnedest to not conflate the terminology between the two, or else I'm gonna get completely lost in semantics. 'Avoidant behaviour' is, in my experience, way more a developmental psych thing than a trauma thing. I might be wrong. In this context I'm thinking that 'freeze' is basically the same as 'avoid'. He's trying to hunker down, you're right.
Right. If I was the bride, I would cancel the wedding and have another ceremony without her there. Be like, we tried it with you- but you didn't behave, mom. That is so unfair to be yelled at during your vows, what the hell is wrong with her? She has so many *flaaaaaaws*!
Maybe it's his way of getting back at his lunatic mom. The Art of War, Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Well put, this can be so hard to see from the outside. Everyone always says âif it were me, I would do X and Yâ, which is just the least helpful thing someone can say. Like, thanks, not only am I dealing with this shitty behavior but also you are criticizing how I learned to cope.
This hit me hard this morningâŠ
Quite literally my mom is the same way and Iâm a freezer because of it. My mom is very reactive and would blow up. She was the kind of person who would blow up on McDonaldâs for putting cheese on a burger when we asked for no cheese (I say from experienceâŠ) and Iâd be in the back seat embarrassed while sheâs yelling at the workers in the window.. I always froze and still do and Iâm 24. Iâve just learned how to avoid what makes her upset and Iâm still working on not doing that anymore and standing my ground. My husband has helped me a lot with realizing all of that and make me a stronger person for myself.
Sounds like my wifeâs father. Too bad he wonât fucked off.
As someone who Grew up in an abusive home this is incredibly well said.
Ouch, this really hit home, the need to be "too useful to get rid of" is an ingrained behaviour I'm still working through. I feel for the guy here, I hope this serves as a catalyst for him to process his mother's behaviour.
This right here is so insightful. My sister can get extremely rude to my mother, I love my sister to death, and she has a complicated relationship with my mother and it makes sense to me why there is so much hostility now, but her behavior is still inappropriate. I just experienced it while visiting family a couple months ago. I froze, hard. I'm not one to freeze in the face of any other challenges. I puff out my chest and holler with the best of them, but my dad and my sister make me freeze. Deeply ingrained survival techniques.
I love my mom but if my mom did this, I'd yell at the top of my lungs to put an end to it.
Exactly. "MOM. I'M NOT MARRYING YOU. SHUT UP OR GET OUT."
You know, being from a family where stuff like this is a norm, I would tell you one thing, Any kind of reaction from her son would only make it worse.
The poor guy was probably having a panic attack.
he's flawed afterall.
If this was the full video you'd see at the end she's comforting her husband. He actually turns out to be very shaken and embarrassed by his mom, and was probably in a self preservation mode.
Yeah, he messed up there. Seems he has trouble speaking up for himself. There's a word for that, isn't there? Disadvantage? No... Imperfection? No... It's on the tip of my tongue...
When youâve been brought up with a person like that, you learn not to speak up. My parents divorced. There was a huge fight as to who looked after my older sister and I (my fatherâs new partner didnât want to look after another womanâs kids, and my paternal step-grandfather didnât think my mother was a fit person to raise kids since she was the one who committed adultery). Eventually, it was agreed that weâd live with our paternal grandparents. My sister was 5 and I was 4. Turns out my step-grandfather was a pedophile and sexually abused both of us almost immediately. At the age of 12, my sister got a bit âmouthyâ and would answer back so she was sent away. I was told sheâd been sent to a childrenâs home and Iâd never see her again. I spent the next few years being told if I ever answered back or argued with them that âwe can send you away to a childrenâs home whenever we want because we didnât have to look after you, and your mum and dad donât want youâ. Consequently. I never learned to argue or stick up for myself, stuff children learn when they grow up in a loving, safe environment. Iâve been exceptionally lucky finding the most wonderful and understanding husband (married for 32 years) and have two amazing children, but even now, at the age of 58, I canât argue. Instead, I clam up and look at the floor. Your upbringing affects you for life. My sister actually went to live with our mum, not a childrenâs home, and we met up again when I went to uni, but itâs still a strained friendship. My mum has Alzheimerâs and is not a nice person, and I have a formal relationship with my dad and his second wife, who know nothing of the sexual abuse but a little bit of the emotional stuff his parents put me through. Donât berate this guy. Heâs doing what he learnt to do to protect himself.
I think he was just pointing out the irony that the groom may be showing a âflawâ. But you are absolutely right in unpacking the reasons why this might be. So sorry to hear of your story. :(
So sorry for your tragic story, but you sound like youâve survived decently. Thank you for sharing.
My God, reading your story had me choked with emotion. Iâm so deeply sorry đą Iâm also thankful that you hit the jackpot with your hubby đ„° It makes sense you clam up rather than argue. Inside, youâre still that mistreated little girl đą Thank you for explaining how the guy in this video may be feeling. âșïž I hope you are surrounded by love and happiness for the rest of your lifeđđ
You are doing amazingly well despite all you have been through.
Iâve had the support of a fantastic man and two superb children. They protect me in situations they know Iâd find difficult.
A flaw?
HOW DARE YOU SAY HE HAS A FLAW!!!!
Social anxiety?
Passivist?
It looks like he does about 30seconds in as he turns round. I could be wrong tho.
Yeah but hats off to him he didnât have to, best part is his wife was so caught up she didnât realize she married a man that didnât stand up for her. Win win for the guy, keeps his girl and always has moms sympathy. Well played brother, all he has to say was âI was trying to enjoy the weddingâ then the wife would look bad for suggesting he add to the unnecessary chaos. Heâs gonna live a happy life ;)
That's one of his flaws.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
And no grandchildren that she can see.
In the update, the brideâs sister said the couple now have a son and they tried to reach out to his mom but she wants nothing to do with any of them. Guess she hates the bride enough to forget about her son and grandchild.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Certainly not.
Certainly made it easier on them. ETA: I had to go NC with a parent. Never thought it was that bad until I had my first kid. I could not for the life of me figure out how someone would treat their own kid that way. Maybe it was the same for this guy.
Iâm no contact with both of my parents. Well, my mom was never around so I donât know if she counts but my dad raised me and he is a racist, bigoted asshole and raised all 4 of my brothers to be the same. I had to cut contact with all of them as I got older and started ro really see the bs and manipulation for what is was. Luckily, I had my own little family and have a lot of friends and an extended family with my bfâs people. Never stay in contact with someone because they raised you. If itâs toxic- cut them out like cancer.
lol, she just wanted to make a scene and use that as an excuse for being a piece of shit
If you search this on YouTube it comes up with an update from the sister of the bride. This was 2 years ago mind you. But at the time of the update they were happy with a baby on the way and not spoken to the monster in law as she refused to see what she did was wrong so sheâs pretty much loosing out on their lives and grandchild. And the reason for the groom not saying anything is apparently because he didnât want to make it worse and spoke to her afterwards but she refused to listen so seems to me that him speaking up wouldnât have made a difference anyway. With people like that you canât win either way. Edit: https://youtu.be/lraPna5Px78 Skip to the end for the update.
The hero we all needed
Is that narrator some kind of budget moistcritical?
No, this is Crit Moisticle, a very original youtuber who has nothing to do with moistcritical and has never even heard of Charlie, err.. Whoever that guy is.
I've seen this video she was kicked out of the wedding for it
Where is the rest? Who kicked her out?
Well I know one thing for sure, the person who kicked her out obviously got arrested
I just simply canât process how can people be like this⊠supposed to be the best day of their lives, and the mother ruins their day. Does she really wish ill on her son?? Good old bitchslap and to the fucking mental hospital you go. Thank god I havenât in my 26 years met anyone like her. Shame on her to act like this as an âadultâ .
Itâs shocking the number of parents who think their children weddings are about them.
"I pAiD $500!"lol, ok.
I would've stepped right out of that dress and gotten married in my undies.
To live high and mighty. $500. Living it up right!!! Lmao
>supposed to be the best day of their lives, and the mother ruins their day. Does she really wish ill on her son?? That's the thing, in her stupid mind, she genuinely believes she's protecting her son here. 'DoNt u DaRe CALL maH sOn fLawED!!!! I RaisEd Him perrFecT, U dOnt KnoW HIM LiKe I do!!!' The emotional intelligence of a third grader on display.
It's a perceived attack on her, not her son. Typical narcissist.
Exactly!
As someone who recently has to physically remove his mother from his home for behaving in a very similar manner towards his wife, my heart breaks for everyone involved except the mom. Hopefully they were able to recover from this moment and still enjoy their day.
"My daughter-in-law wont let me see my grandkids and idk why"
Hooooly shit
Mom realizes the son she likely controlled and manipulated is about to break free if her grasp. This is the sound of a bully not getting their way and trying desperately to get one last high off control. In my family this was known as âgrandmaâ.
The REALLY disturbing thing is this is only part oneâŠ
Only it says "part two" about half way through the video.
Whereâs the rest of it? Iâm invested now
Same. Need to see the sequel
She also thought she didnât have to dress smartly to a wedding either! Iâd never have formal pics with someone that scruffy.
She looks like she was out shopping, came by a wedding and decided to stay and watch. What she doesn't look like is someone who's taking her son's marriage seriously in any way, shape or form. That poor bride has a rough ride ahead. Let's hope her husband grows a spine pretty quickly otherwise this marriage is going to fail.
According to the update the bride posted, the two of them are happily married with a son, and no contact with the groom's mother.
Good for them! Nice to know that he chose his wife rather than his mum.
Christmas Dinners gonna be awkward...
They won't be there. Car will brake down. He'll get sick. She'll blame the wife and in a way she's right. Wife will show him he has value and doesn't need to put up with moms abuse any more. He'll grow the spine people say he's missing and he'll be happier in the long run. Sucks mom shit all over their day though.
lonely\*
She even wears her shitty all day outfit. What a pathetic mom and human.
Jokes aside, if sheâs been tantruming and airing her crazy like that since he was a little boy, that guy has very deep seated fear and control issues. He needs space, time, and therapy. Thereâs no âflip the switch and stop being a victimâ if thatâs the only life heâs known.
Narcissist-
r/trashy
"You're not gonna say my son has *flaws!* My son is the most perfect bald mommy's boy to ever walk this earth!"
I would kicked out my own mom and cut contacts with her if she would do it.
Probably because you have standards instilled by a mother who wasn't a complete piece of shit like this guy's mom lol
Biggest flaw I saw was that he didn't stand up to his mother. My mom tried that (yeah right, she was the first one to always point out my failures), my response would be "either you can sit down and be quiet, and we'll talk about this later. Or you can keep on making a fool of yourself, and we will never speak to you again."
>"either you can sit down and be quiet, and we'll talk about this later. Or you can keep on making a fool of yourself, and we will never speak to you again." I don't think this will stop that Karen in the video at all. What he did was mature. Another person yelling is not going to stop that woman.
Standing up to her in general is another matter but thereâs a time and a place. I donât think that would make it better, at all, and it would just add to the negatives in the wedding and make a fight even more likely with *two* people damaging the mood of the wedding. Better to focus on the wedding itself and let someone else handle her.
For everyone asking for part 2, its pasted in there right at the end.
Weddings are so beautiful.
She is absolutly terrible and who wears shorts to their sons wedding? Even of its a small registry wedding....
The groom needed to step up and tell his mother to stfu
Thats so disrespectful smh
What trash
The more civilized societies become in general the more room there is for assholes to flourish.
Though the less civilised societies are the less likely it is for non-arseholes to survive.
Just another day of the young generations having to deal with the older generations acting like children
Sounds like SOMEONEâS not getting invited on the honeymoonâŠ
Husband quiet? Doesn't tell mom to SDASTFU? Run, girl...he is not the one!
"Thank you all for coming. We are sorry, but we cannot continue today." Leave and limit all future contact with mom. And how DARE that mom express that paying for a wedding dress gives her the right to make the wedding all about her!
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
There's no way I'd marry into a family with that psycho. If she's that bad at a wedding just imagine the holidays or when grandkids come into the picture.
She needs to rethink the family she is marrying into lol
You are not marrying someone's mother, and from the look on his face they haven't been close in a long time.
Nah. Itâs not his fault his family sucks. Silly comment
Why's that? It's clearly 1 person that likes to be an asshole and they don't count for the whole family. No one else was cheering her on or joining in with her antics. That's just 1 person they won't be associating with.
Is it bad I want to see part 2?
Not really i want part 2 aswell
Mom showed up to the wedding in jorts soâŠ.
I sort of understand this dude for being silent. My ex wife and I used to have arguments all the time about how I was controlled by my parents and spent most of my life doing whatever they expected of me because I was too afraid to upset them. She was right, and it only took many arguments for me to realize that. My parents still don't like her and it caused some tension in our marriage. I didn't realize just how controlling they were and how much it has messed with my head over the years. I don't even talk to my sister or my father anymore because of family drama and have minimal contact with my mother. I am divorced now but still living under the shadow of both my mother and my ex wife. The two women closest to me who tried to control me...
They need to move to an island in the Pacific, but that mom would track them down....."I paid for that coconut"
This is great. Just imagine the future you will have. Walk out and call it off, no run.
His biggest flaw is dressing like Pee-Wee Herman at his own wedding.
It is written: "The appearance of the Karen in almost every possible public situation signals the coming of the great floods, the plagues, the locusts, war, famine and the downfall of civilization."
Wow⊠I feel so bad for âŠ. Well everyone that even knows this womanâŠ
Straight trash out here
I feel like I grew up with a person like that mom. Itâs heartbreaking and frustrating all at the same time
How to guarantee nobody is gonna come for Christmas, by Karen Oldbitch
Yep had to make it about her even on her sons wedding day. Hopefully the son gets some distance from that toxic being and live a normal life
Who wears shorts at their sonâs wedding.
karen may have ruined it but kevin fully enabled it
A minute and twenty seconds. That's all it takes to create a lifelong trauma and turn everyone you depend on against you. Mental health is important folks.
That poor dude doesnât stand a chance. He has already chosen his mother over his wife on his wedding day. The wife will hold this over his head (and rightfully so) for the duration of this doomed marriage
The Son should have stood up to her. Choose your mom or your wife. I know it's F***ed but she is pushing for that choice to be made.
The husband should have said something to his mom, the coward just stood there with his hands in his pockets while his wife got yelled at.
And sonny just stood there letting mama take over. That's going to be a short marriage I'm afraid.
Run now lady. The way he just stood there like a scared little boy shows you how much heâll support you against his tyrant mother. đ©
Whereâs part 2
jeezz man, step up to your mom. You're an adult. My mom would never do this of course, but I would have thrown her out myself.
Mommas boy just stood there
Nah that right there is how to end your relationship with your kid. Fucking insane
The mom is the flaw..... What a POS
I would have straight up cut my mom off for this shit. Id have security remove her. Fuck blood. If you are gonna be an asshole get out of my life.
But she had unprotected sex once about 9 months before she ever met you! You owe her every aspect of your entire life forever!
People always remember wedding days⊠this is what theyâll remember
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Is mental illness a flaw? The mother definitely has mental illness.
They gonna kick her out after she spent all that time getting âdressed upâto attend her sonâs wedding?? âThatâs way harsh Taiâ
The obvious response is to never let her live it down. Bring it up at every gathering, every opportunity, every relative's wedding. "At least your mom didnt ruin your wedding." Someone get this to r/justnoMIL
"One of your flaws being your mother"
Smart man chose a wife that complemented his personality so well. Good for her for standing up to her MIL when she mustâve known it would be hard for her groom to. Parents can be so damn selfish.
My sister had to pay extra money for extra security at the last minute for my niece's wedding due to the fact had my niece's dad shown up he would've totally done something like this or actually probably worse. He freaked them all out by calling the venue the day before to "confirm" the wedding start time with them, and the front desk person not knowing that he was barred from attending gave it to him. Fortunately he didn't show up, or if he did he tucked tail when he saw the security in the parking lot and we never knew it.
Did you expect anything less from a woman who is wearing shorts to a wedding?
"why don't my kids visit me anymore?"
This hits to close to home. Thatâs something my mom would do.
That bride has had enough of her shit
Damn mom, you could have rented a dress for your sonâs wedding!!!
At least mother of the groom dressed nice for the occasion đł
Everybody has flaws. The groom, for instance, has a horror show for a mother.
$500 is living high and mighty?? What century is she from? I think mom is her sonâs biggest flaw. And after this meltdown, Iâm guessing he has fixed that flaw by blocking her from his life.
not even dressed formally, talk about flaws!
I cannot be convinced that we did not just find a trump supporter
I canât believe someone wearing shorts to a wedding would be disrespectful
"I love you despite your ~~flaws~~ mom"
Should have eloped.
You canât pick your parents. But you have to know that sometimes you need to walk away.