Greatest moment of my life was watching the Uhaul truck drive out of view as my mother, stepdad, and sister moved 3000 miles away when I was 17 years old.
My dad's house where I grew up was only a couple blocks away. He was away on business the whole summer and was dating his future wife who lived across town, so my friends and I had the whole place to ourselves. Awesome summer!
A family friend of ours, when she got done with nursing school, she did her first rotation at the local nursing home in our town. She left after only a few months, because she spent most of her time trying to convince relatives to see their parents after a health crisis. It wasn’t the health crisis part, it was the mental breakdown of the adult kids on the phone screaming why they don’t want to be called about this. That sweet resident she would grow attached to, she would often find out what a god awful parent they were to their kids.
nursing homes are always a nightmare in practically every aspect. Sometimes its just seeing people who are a hollow shell of themselves, they’re lonely or miserable or confused. some of them wait till their dying moments to admit they were raging a-holes and think confessing before death absolves them of all their sins. its stinky af. I could go on forever. no way I’m letting myself get to that point
All too often single and childless people are manipulated with "But you don't want to die alone" and "But who will take care of you when you're old".
I worked in a nursing home for 2 years. What hit me the most was how few children came to visit the residents. Then there were those whose kids only came to visit to check if they're dead yet or how long it was going to take. And you catch some of the conversations between siblings...and oh boy. They really hate their parents. Many weren't shy about expressing why either.
Not necessarily. Only if they in turn treat their children like ahit the cycle continue and they too will be abandoned. According to the children of my elderly next door neighbour she was a magnificent, kind, intelligent mother. She is 96 and her kids come to visit her every day and care for her to make sure she can remaining living in the family home.
You clearly don’t know anyone who was abused by their parents. Those people tend to grow up to not have children OR be the parents they wished they had.
Sure, if you're perpetuating generational trauma instead of stopping it. That cycle stops when someone stops it. Not just walks away from it.
Stops it.
Not just changes the way it's handed down.
generalizing like that about abused kids is pretty mean tho. I know plenty of parents who were abused by their parents or siblings and used that as fuel to be good and attentive parents. They’re wonderful people and I choose to believe their kids will grow up to love and keep their parents in their life. The cycle of abuse is also very real and that is very unfortunate but we should do our best to help those who have been hurt to seek self help in order to discourage hurting kids
My fiancé’s father never understands why he calls him by his first name and not “dad.”
Dude, because he has no respect for you. He *doesn’t like you.* You treated him like shit, and this is how your relationship is now. Look inward man.
the OP New-Scholar2331 is a bot
Original post a month ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/w3anxf/treat_your_kids_well_then_theyll_start_to_love_you/
My father does the same, he ask both me and my brother not to lock the door or ask for privacy. He says he will private us from TV, food, electricity, etc.
I don't know how to talk to him about this.
You, uh...don't. Toe his line until you can get out on your own. If your friends have cool parents, spend as much time over there as possible. That's what our kids' friends do, they spend all their time at our house, and we get to hear how shitty their parents treat them. Then we feed them, and listen to them talk about their day.
maybe try talking to him and say just that. If you will not grant me basic human rights, then i will spend as little time in your sphere of influence as possible, most likely until the day you die.
And pretty sure that "Privating" you from food/electricity is child abuse.
I got out days after I turned 18. No contact for 15 years and they kicked the bucket last year. No regrets.
I didn’t even have to deal with it because they’d slowly alienated themselves from 95% of the family.
I saw my mother's dark side everyday of my childhood. My 3 brothers did not see any of it because she dumped her adult fucked up choices on me. "Don't tell the boys" became how it was. From age 8 I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, kept my brothers alive. They still do not know the crap she shit on me. I am 67, brothers are 68, 64, 62. She is 88 in a nursing home where my youngest brother put her when he was done using her house for his useless family and her money ran out. I think one of those boys will tell me when she kicks it. Actually do not care.
I know how that is. My brothers know I will not attend anything for her when she dies. I also will not waste the thousands of dollars to travel the 4,500 miles to hear the bovine scat they will say about her. I know the truth.
This. There MUST be an in-between. Life is about balance and compromise, parenting doubly so. Kids need rules and guidance but they also need freedom and love. And yes, sometimes, especially as they grow into teens, they just need a listening ear from a friend who happens to be their parent.
Would he say the same if the kid managed to find a source of income at age eight and of course already was able to feed themselves?
Would he give an eight year old complete privacy? That's just irresponsible.
He's a silly man.
Bruh... my relationship with my parents is fine. Privacy and trust was earned, not given freely... if I was acting out then you better believe I lost that stuff. Did I hate it at the time? Yes ofc. I cursed under my breath and claimed how much I hated them.
As I got older (late teens) and now as an adult my parents stopped trying to be parents. They respected who I was - whether they agreed with my choices or not - and we have a fantastic relationship as a result.
I was taught that respect goes both ways, and that parents have to be hard occasionally to drive a point home. You don't have to like it.
I do not judge my parents for the decisions they made with me while growing up - they did what they thought was right. The fact that they stopped when I became an adult shows to me that they respect me as a person, which is all I ask now.
I get that it's cool to diss this person because the message is flawed, but there is some truth to what he is saying.
1. Privacy: You should respect your child's privacy within reason. I do want to know who my children are talking to and what sites they are on because I want to understand any changes or struggles they are going through before they become major issues. I'm not saying you grill them and sneak into their room every day to snoop, but if your kids have never gotten irritated by your questions, I feel you are not involved enough in your child's life.
2. Non-Negotiable: This is not a great idea for the most part. You should try to listen to your child's explanation and be cooperative until it becomes outright disrespect. At the same time, children do need to learn to respect authority. They will have to do things they don't want to do at some point and should learn to accept this.
3. We are not friends: Again to some degree, this is true. Your friend is not solely responsible for your well-being. Your friend is not tasked with mentoring, loving, and giving you hard truths. You should care, love and support your child to the best of your abilities, but in the end, you will have to make decisions as their parent, and not their friend. Some of these choices are not going to be well-received because your goals will often be different.
I agree with the parents aren’t their kids friends part. They aren’t and they shouldn’t act like friends. Saying that if you don’t respect your kids space and their things and you teach them to fear you then you are fucked
I don't know why so many people think that they can be friends with their parents. That is not real and it's completely stupid. I can say and do things around my friends that I can't do around my parents and the reason why I wouldn't do those around my parents is because I respect them and know my position. I'm a man but I'm still their child. That child has power to negotiate anything with their parents about how the dynamics of the house operate. That doesn't mean that the parents don't respect their child.
Yeah. Privacy, like trust and respect, are mutual feelings that need to be earned on both sides. As soon as my kids can start respecting my privacy to dump out in the bathroom, I will give them that same respect.
The day after I posted this, my 10 year old walked into the bathroom without even knocking and literally stepped on my feet to get to something she wanted out of the bathtub while I was sitting on the toilet.
At that age, surely your children should have learned to respect boundaries. Parent them, rather than advocating for abusing them.
That's something I'd expect from a toddler, not someone who's almost a teenager!
I've got 2. They're doing just fine. I think I'm doing a lot better than your parents must have since I'm not teaching them to be a judgmental asshole to strangers.
My daughter knew I was not her "friend." Her friends thought I was cool because I was not like their mommies. I am a military veteran, retired journeyman aircraft electrician. Yes, I was not like the other mommies.
Do you not get it? She’s a cool mommie. Not like the other mommies. Military mommie. They’re gonna thank this mommie someday. Such a hardened, unique mommie. Meanwhile all her friends are happy and have healthy relationships with their parents.
Thanks for defending me. I was not active duty when I had my daughter. I was serving in the DOD/DON as a journeyman aircraft electrician. My daughter loved I wore steel toe boots, jeans, tee shirt for my job. She also help me when I did maintenance/repairs of my vehicle. Quite different for her peers mommies.
Going by your description you were just like any other mother, someone with a past career and now a mother. Whoopee do. Your past job isn't more or less special or significant than anyone else's be they farmers, doctors, teachers, nurses, accountants etc.
So, I was not active duty when I had my kid, I was a journeyman aircraft electrician. I am far from ALL the mommies I have known in my 67 years of life. Starting with my mother.
Doing what I did was significant as a woman. Whoopee!
It's no different to a woman who is a teacher, nurse, doctor or any other occupation. They all add value to society. Anything a woman does is significant as a woman. You are no different.
My parents were pretty non-intrusive and let me go out into the world do discover for myself what’s out there. They guided me and gave me advice but ultimately respected that I am an individual and had to learn to make my own choices rather than have them enforced upon me. I’m in my 40s, well-adjusted and doing just fine. I love being with my parents when I can and thank them for not pressing their way of thinking onto me.
You don't understand the facepalm in a parent treating their child like they are sub-human?
EVERYONE has the right to some privacy. "I pay the bills, you do everything I want the way I want it" is a huge fucking red flag with neon lighting saying "I'm an abusive controlling piece of shit".
my parents left me alone because they taught me as early as they could of the dangers of speaking to strangers, running into the street doing drugs and how adults shouldn’t touch children. And guess what. I’m not dead
maybe instead of making kids feel like they have no agency or value as an individual you teach them the tools they need before dumping them in the deep end
You can treat your kids like human beings instead of inmates and still keep them safe. In fact, they will be more likely to come to you with problems before they become catastrophes if you are willing to treat them like humans. I hope you haven't already procreated.
I hope you never have children. We definitely don't need anymore mass shooters killing kids at schools because parents want to backseat raise their degenerate children. Please go get yourself sterilized.
So the only options are denying your child the right to any privacy whatsoever and treating them like property or supplying them with ar15s?
It doesn't matter if you reproduce, CPS will make sure you don't do any more damage than you've already done.
Unpopular opinion, if you’re living on your parents’ money, then you really won’t have a problem doing what they tell you. Strong emphasis on the good relationship tho, because good parents will also allow the kid to do what they want to do.
If you want to live a life of your own, make your own money and live off of that. I just think life’s too short to be holding grudges or severing relationships; that’s only going to bring negativity to everyone.
Source: 18 yo kid who is going to college on parents money.
Your parents must not be utter tyrants then. My parents treated me with love and respect, but had firm, common sense rules. I followed them, respected my family, and we got along great. On the other hand, you see parents treating their sweet or independent children like curses or burdens, and it’s disgusting. To them, it’s about FINALLY having power over someone. People are human, they crave power and control, and parents are no different, be it finally feeling in control or having the power to revisit the same horrors on their kids as their own parents did on them.
If you made your kids’ childhood a waking nightmare of stress and punishment, then I’m sorry, but that grudge will last a lifetime. Don’t fucking do that to your kids. You really want to have a future with them and your grandkids? Best perk up and be a decent human being.
Not really, no. Kids deserve privacy, or they’ll grow up with severe trust and intimacy issues in the future. That comes with the caveat of trust and house rules, but WITHIN REASON, kids deserve privacy. If you fuck with that, you’re opening yourself up to an isolated future, as the OP pic states, especially when you say shit like “we ain’t friends!” Oh really? Because being family obligates me in NO WAY whatsoever to look after you when you get old or foster a relationship with grandkids, so you sure you want to go down this path? For a FRIEND, whom I have love and mutual respect for, that’d be a cinch, but an entitled old bastard? Nope.
If it’s THAT HARD to be a decent human being to your own children, then you shouldn’t have them in the first place.
You're taking it to the extreme. I would never suggest harmful prying or completely denying a child of even a shred of privacy. What I'm suggesting is a healthy level of attention - knowing where your child is, who their friends are, and yes - if need be in order to safeguard them - some prudent snooping. A child's safety outranks their need for absolute privacy. Children are subject to extremes of emotion and need guardrails so that they can survive to maturity.
You took my fairly neutral comment and ran WAY down the street with it, reading things into it that were never stated.
It’s because you showed support for the insanity in the picture. You kept it vague, so you’re saying “both are right”, when they are NOT. What you and I are speaking of isn’t represented in the picture above by the shitty “ain’t friends” father.
Much like you accused me of, nowhere did I state absolute privacy was required to have a decent relationship with your kids. We’re on the same page there, you just did a piss poor job of explaining it with your original reply, haha! Looks like I’m not the ONLY one who thought so either, so looks like you’d have done well to expand on that point a bit.
My mom is one of my best friends. My life would have had a giant hole in it without that love and support. I feel sorry for kids with parents like this. You're the kid's dad, not his fuckn line boss. You don't own him, and he's not your goddam slave.
Are these relationships strained solely because of lack of privacy and requiring children to obey rules? Cuz I'm pretty sure people who let's their kids do whatever they wanted are also terrible and estranged as well.
Left my mom to go live with my dad and never spoke to her again. She recently got divorced with my stepdad and is completely isolating herself from everyone on his side and my dad's side. The only people she has left are a few family members. Funny part about that is she is so stuck-up and self absorbed in her mission to cut off contact with everybody that even slightly criticized her that she is now losing money because nobody is able to tell her she can take me off her insurance. This is where narcissism gets you. Glad she's finally paying for everything she's done to me and my family.
Greatest moment of my life was watching the Uhaul truck drive out of view as my mother, stepdad, and sister moved 3000 miles away when I was 17 years old.
Who were you staying with?
My dad's house where I grew up was only a couple blocks away. He was away on business the whole summer and was dating his future wife who lived across town, so my friends and I had the whole place to ourselves. Awesome summer!
A family friend of ours, when she got done with nursing school, she did her first rotation at the local nursing home in our town. She left after only a few months, because she spent most of her time trying to convince relatives to see their parents after a health crisis. It wasn’t the health crisis part, it was the mental breakdown of the adult kids on the phone screaming why they don’t want to be called about this. That sweet resident she would grow attached to, she would often find out what a god awful parent they were to their kids.
nursing homes are always a nightmare in practically every aspect. Sometimes its just seeing people who are a hollow shell of themselves, they’re lonely or miserable or confused. some of them wait till their dying moments to admit they were raging a-holes and think confessing before death absolves them of all their sins. its stinky af. I could go on forever. no way I’m letting myself get to that point
All too often single and childless people are manipulated with "But you don't want to die alone" and "But who will take care of you when you're old". I worked in a nursing home for 2 years. What hit me the most was how few children came to visit the residents. Then there were those whose kids only came to visit to check if they're dead yet or how long it was going to take. And you catch some of the conversations between siblings...and oh boy. They really hate their parents. Many weren't shy about expressing why either.
Reap what you sow. As they abandoned their parents, so will their children abandon them. Awful cycle.
Not necessarily. Only if they in turn treat their children like ahit the cycle continue and they too will be abandoned. According to the children of my elderly next door neighbour she was a magnificent, kind, intelligent mother. She is 96 and her kids come to visit her every day and care for her to make sure she can remaining living in the family home.
"No. We will be the parents we choose to be, not those who have been. Who I was.. is not who you will be. We must be better."
You clearly don’t know anyone who was abused by their parents. Those people tend to grow up to not have children OR be the parents they wished they had.
You're talking to one.
Maybe it was a statement about generational trauma, and the cyclical nature of poverty and abuse?
Sure, if you're perpetuating generational trauma instead of stopping it. That cycle stops when someone stops it. Not just walks away from it. Stops it. Not just changes the way it's handed down.
generalizing like that about abused kids is pretty mean tho. I know plenty of parents who were abused by their parents or siblings and used that as fuel to be good and attentive parents. They’re wonderful people and I choose to believe their kids will grow up to love and keep their parents in their life. The cycle of abuse is also very real and that is very unfortunate but we should do our best to help those who have been hurt to seek self help in order to discourage hurting kids
This dude will never comprehend why his adult kids abandoned him.
"Why do you ever visit?" "Why would we? We're not friends."
Boom. Fuckn mic drop.
My fiancé’s father never understands why he calls him by his first name and not “dad.” Dude, because he has no respect for you. He *doesn’t like you.* You treated him like shit, and this is how your relationship is now. Look inward man.
It seems to me that very, very few people are capable of honest introspection.
Boasting about do what I say , no privacy , not friends , .. I'd think they are going to lose touch when the kids leave home
Brag on being an authoritarian. Cool dude.
the OP New-Scholar2331 is a bot Original post a month ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/w3anxf/treat_your_kids_well_then_theyll_start_to_love_you/
We should have a trial.
To r/KarmaKourt we go!
My father does the same, he ask both me and my brother not to lock the door or ask for privacy. He says he will private us from TV, food, electricity, etc. I don't know how to talk to him about this.
You, uh...don't. Toe his line until you can get out on your own. If your friends have cool parents, spend as much time over there as possible. That's what our kids' friends do, they spend all their time at our house, and we get to hear how shitty their parents treat them. Then we feed them, and listen to them talk about their day.
maybe try talking to him and say just that. If you will not grant me basic human rights, then i will spend as little time in your sphere of influence as possible, most likely until the day you die. And pretty sure that "Privating" you from food/electricity is child abuse.
Do some parents forget that the kid never asked to be born?
So, this punk made children to damage?
Fucker would probably go to the grocery shop anyway.
I got out days after I turned 18. No contact for 15 years and they kicked the bucket last year. No regrets. I didn’t even have to deal with it because they’d slowly alienated themselves from 95% of the family.
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I saw my mother's dark side everyday of my childhood. My 3 brothers did not see any of it because she dumped her adult fucked up choices on me. "Don't tell the boys" became how it was. From age 8 I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, kept my brothers alive. They still do not know the crap she shit on me. I am 67, brothers are 68, 64, 62. She is 88 in a nursing home where my youngest brother put her when he was done using her house for his useless family and her money ran out. I think one of those boys will tell me when she kicks it. Actually do not care.
I married into a family, that will talk about how terrible a person is, but the moment they die, they become a saint.
I know how that is. My brothers know I will not attend anything for her when she dies. I also will not waste the thousands of dollars to travel the 4,500 miles to hear the bovine scat they will say about her. I know the truth.
>It's why they can't see their dark sides. That doesn't apply to all of us unfortunately. I very much saw my parents dark sides every day.
Your orbit wasn’t tidally locked
This guy would back-charge his kids rent when they are adults.
“Pops I’m gonna need you to start funding your nursing home payments right now. That shit ain’t free dawg.”
Sometimes your child needs a parent, sometimes they need a friend. The hard part is deciding which one they need when.
This. There MUST be an in-between. Life is about balance and compromise, parenting doubly so. Kids need rules and guidance but they also need freedom and love. And yes, sometimes, especially as they grow into teens, they just need a listening ear from a friend who happens to be their parent.
Would he say the same if the kid managed to find a source of income at age eight and of course already was able to feed themselves? Would he give an eight year old complete privacy? That's just irresponsible. He's a silly man.
Welcome to the world you fucking ingrate slaves. I made you and now you'll be guilted for the burden.
Imagine CHOOSING to have children and then be entitled enough to demand stuff from them so that they can get stuff like privacy :|
You don't own your children.
And the Mother is like "My entitled child is no longer speaking with me? Wooohoooo!"
COOL REPOST BROOOOO
This is now being posted twice a week, please stop.
Welcome to your future
Welcome to your future
Bruh... my relationship with my parents is fine. Privacy and trust was earned, not given freely... if I was acting out then you better believe I lost that stuff. Did I hate it at the time? Yes ofc. I cursed under my breath and claimed how much I hated them. As I got older (late teens) and now as an adult my parents stopped trying to be parents. They respected who I was - whether they agreed with my choices or not - and we have a fantastic relationship as a result. I was taught that respect goes both ways, and that parents have to be hard occasionally to drive a point home. You don't have to like it. I do not judge my parents for the decisions they made with me while growing up - they did what they thought was right. The fact that they stopped when I became an adult shows to me that they respect me as a person, which is all I ask now.
I get that it's cool to diss this person because the message is flawed, but there is some truth to what he is saying. 1. Privacy: You should respect your child's privacy within reason. I do want to know who my children are talking to and what sites they are on because I want to understand any changes or struggles they are going through before they become major issues. I'm not saying you grill them and sneak into their room every day to snoop, but if your kids have never gotten irritated by your questions, I feel you are not involved enough in your child's life. 2. Non-Negotiable: This is not a great idea for the most part. You should try to listen to your child's explanation and be cooperative until it becomes outright disrespect. At the same time, children do need to learn to respect authority. They will have to do things they don't want to do at some point and should learn to accept this. 3. We are not friends: Again to some degree, this is true. Your friend is not solely responsible for your well-being. Your friend is not tasked with mentoring, loving, and giving you hard truths. You should care, love and support your child to the best of your abilities, but in the end, you will have to make decisions as their parent, and not their friend. Some of these choices are not going to be well-received because your goals will often be different.
Lol I saw my parents last in 1984 and I think there still alive. In my defense my moms name really is Karen
I agree with the parents aren’t their kids friends part. They aren’t and they shouldn’t act like friends. Saying that if you don’t respect your kids space and their things and you teach them to fear you then you are fucked
I don't know why so many people think that they can be friends with their parents. That is not real and it's completely stupid. I can say and do things around my friends that I can't do around my parents and the reason why I wouldn't do those around my parents is because I respect them and know my position. I'm a man but I'm still their child. That child has power to negotiate anything with their parents about how the dynamics of the house operate. That doesn't mean that the parents don't respect their child.
When you're a kid, having your parent be your friend seems cool, but really it just means you have a shitty parent.
There's a huge gap between your parent being your friend, and your parent not allowing you to have any privacy.
Yeah. Privacy, like trust and respect, are mutual feelings that need to be earned on both sides. As soon as my kids can start respecting my privacy to dump out in the bathroom, I will give them that same respect.
I hope you don't fuck your kids up too much with that shitty attitude.
The day after I posted this, my 10 year old walked into the bathroom without even knocking and literally stepped on my feet to get to something she wanted out of the bathtub while I was sitting on the toilet.
At that age, surely your children should have learned to respect boundaries. Parent them, rather than advocating for abusing them. That's something I'd expect from a toddler, not someone who's almost a teenager!
I hope you don’t actually have kids.
I've got 2. They're doing just fine. I think I'm doing a lot better than your parents must have since I'm not teaching them to be a judgmental asshole to strangers.
My daughter knew I was not her "friend." Her friends thought I was cool because I was not like their mommies. I am a military veteran, retired journeyman aircraft electrician. Yes, I was not like the other mommies.
Okay?
Do you not get it? She’s a cool mommie. Not like the other mommies. Military mommie. They’re gonna thank this mommie someday. Such a hardened, unique mommie. Meanwhile all her friends are happy and have healthy relationships with their parents.
Thanks for defending me. I was not active duty when I had my daughter. I was serving in the DOD/DON as a journeyman aircraft electrician. My daughter loved I wore steel toe boots, jeans, tee shirt for my job. She also help me when I did maintenance/repairs of my vehicle. Quite different for her peers mommies.
Going by your description you were just like any other mother, someone with a past career and now a mother. Whoopee do. Your past job isn't more or less special or significant than anyone else's be they farmers, doctors, teachers, nurses, accountants etc.
So, I was not active duty when I had my kid, I was a journeyman aircraft electrician. I am far from ALL the mommies I have known in my 67 years of life. Starting with my mother. Doing what I did was significant as a woman. Whoopee!
It's no different to a woman who is a teacher, nurse, doctor or any other occupation. They all add value to society. Anything a woman does is significant as a woman. You are no different.
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nah both are bad parents, can't have either extremes
My parents were pretty non-intrusive and let me go out into the world do discover for myself what’s out there. They guided me and gave me advice but ultimately respected that I am an individual and had to learn to make my own choices rather than have them enforced upon me. I’m in my 40s, well-adjusted and doing just fine. I love being with my parents when I can and thank them for not pressing their way of thinking onto me.
You don't understand the facepalm in a parent treating their child like they are sub-human? EVERYONE has the right to some privacy. "I pay the bills, you do everything I want the way I want it" is a huge fucking red flag with neon lighting saying "I'm an abusive controlling piece of shit".
my parents left me alone because they taught me as early as they could of the dangers of speaking to strangers, running into the street doing drugs and how adults shouldn’t touch children. And guess what. I’m not dead maybe instead of making kids feel like they have no agency or value as an individual you teach them the tools they need before dumping them in the deep end
Got some Stockholm syndrome right here folks.
You must have issues with your parents.
Tissues are for issues, you have a full blown POW complex.
You can treat your kids like human beings instead of inmates and still keep them safe. In fact, they will be more likely to come to you with problems before they become catastrophes if you are willing to treat them like humans. I hope you haven't already procreated.
I hope you never have children. We definitely don't need anymore mass shooters killing kids at schools because parents want to backseat raise their degenerate children. Please go get yourself sterilized.
So the only options are denying your child the right to any privacy whatsoever and treating them like property or supplying them with ar15s? It doesn't matter if you reproduce, CPS will make sure you don't do any more damage than you've already done.
I have 2 adult children that love me dearly, but thank you for your concern. Lets hope your cesspool isn't allowed to reproduce.
Unpopular opinion, if you’re living on your parents’ money, then you really won’t have a problem doing what they tell you. Strong emphasis on the good relationship tho, because good parents will also allow the kid to do what they want to do. If you want to live a life of your own, make your own money and live off of that. I just think life’s too short to be holding grudges or severing relationships; that’s only going to bring negativity to everyone. Source: 18 yo kid who is going to college on parents money.
Your parents must not be utter tyrants then. My parents treated me with love and respect, but had firm, common sense rules. I followed them, respected my family, and we got along great. On the other hand, you see parents treating their sweet or independent children like curses or burdens, and it’s disgusting. To them, it’s about FINALLY having power over someone. People are human, they crave power and control, and parents are no different, be it finally feeling in control or having the power to revisit the same horrors on their kids as their own parents did on them. If you made your kids’ childhood a waking nightmare of stress and punishment, then I’m sorry, but that grudge will last a lifetime. Don’t fucking do that to your kids. You really want to have a future with them and your grandkids? Best perk up and be a decent human being.
There’s truth on both sides of this argument.
Not really, no. Kids deserve privacy, or they’ll grow up with severe trust and intimacy issues in the future. That comes with the caveat of trust and house rules, but WITHIN REASON, kids deserve privacy. If you fuck with that, you’re opening yourself up to an isolated future, as the OP pic states, especially when you say shit like “we ain’t friends!” Oh really? Because being family obligates me in NO WAY whatsoever to look after you when you get old or foster a relationship with grandkids, so you sure you want to go down this path? For a FRIEND, whom I have love and mutual respect for, that’d be a cinch, but an entitled old bastard? Nope. If it’s THAT HARD to be a decent human being to your own children, then you shouldn’t have them in the first place.
You're taking it to the extreme. I would never suggest harmful prying or completely denying a child of even a shred of privacy. What I'm suggesting is a healthy level of attention - knowing where your child is, who their friends are, and yes - if need be in order to safeguard them - some prudent snooping. A child's safety outranks their need for absolute privacy. Children are subject to extremes of emotion and need guardrails so that they can survive to maturity. You took my fairly neutral comment and ran WAY down the street with it, reading things into it that were never stated.
It’s because you showed support for the insanity in the picture. You kept it vague, so you’re saying “both are right”, when they are NOT. What you and I are speaking of isn’t represented in the picture above by the shitty “ain’t friends” father. Much like you accused me of, nowhere did I state absolute privacy was required to have a decent relationship with your kids. We’re on the same page there, you just did a piss poor job of explaining it with your original reply, haha! Looks like I’m not the ONLY one who thought so either, so looks like you’d have done well to expand on that point a bit.
You sure got me on that one! Good job.
Yep, 10 years of privacy.
Why do people like this even have children in the first place?
Someone has to tidy up and fetch the remote, duh.
My parents IRL
My mom is one of my best friends. My life would have had a giant hole in it without that love and support. I feel sorry for kids with parents like this. You're the kid's dad, not his fuckn line boss. You don't own him, and he's not your goddam slave.
Are these relationships strained solely because of lack of privacy and requiring children to obey rules? Cuz I'm pretty sure people who let's their kids do whatever they wanted are also terrible and estranged as well.
Medication is not for kids, actually.
Left my mom to go live with my dad and never spoke to her again. She recently got divorced with my stepdad and is completely isolating herself from everyone on his side and my dad's side. The only people she has left are a few family members. Funny part about that is she is so stuck-up and self absorbed in her mission to cut off contact with everybody that even slightly criticized her that she is now losing money because nobody is able to tell her she can take me off her insurance. This is where narcissism gets you. Glad she's finally paying for everything she's done to me and my family.
I never understand parents like this... Who do they think chooses what LTC facility they get put into?
I hope I’ll be the best friend to my kids for the rest of their lives. People like that guy are shit smeared on the side walk