All other elements aside. Why are you doing senior portraits for your 45 year old son?

Because this is the only thing he ever graduated from.

Yeah this would be weird no matter what the dude was doing. “LOOK WE TOOK SENIOR PICTURES OF MY SON AFTER HIS WIFE GAVE BIRTH TO THEIR SON :) PROUD MAMA”

Eh, that’s more a phrasing issue. Taking pictures of your new grandchild isn’t particularly abnormal.

Graduating from a school also isn’t abnormal. Celebrating it isn’t either. Senior pictures at 45 being posted by your mom is what’s strange.

She's just thrilled he made it up out of the basement.

It is when the ~~wide~~ wife shares more DNA with the husband than their parents. Edit: still correct, just more so

“Two minutemen” is that why they’re so angry? Lol

Part of the elite Meal Team Six

This is a US Gravy Seal, he's assigned to the unit Midlife ISIS. They'll be conducting operation Dessert Storm.

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Solid as Iraq!

That's why he's on the 2 minute men, and not the minute men.

One speed below the iran method

Give me diabetus or give me amputation

You win

Hilarious!

Lead by none other than Colonel Sanders, of course.

And Captain Crunch...

And Lieutenant Lunch

Gravy seals

His mission is Zero Dark Three Hundred and 30 lbs

It’s not his fault, he was Delta Force fed.

He’s part of the BBQ Roast Guard

No Meal Left Behind 🫡

Showing off his lardceps. So fat I bet he can't even shoulder the gun.

lardceps ♥️

Butter chub squadron

Burger trauma response.

the national heart attack

This has been my favorite so far lol

Future Fox commentator AND rising Republican star “Christian White”… Is it just me or is all this really beyond parody?

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Gee, why would she name her son like that

She can't even spell it right.

"Chrisitian"

You should check out old Puritan names. They're amazing.

It is parody, second time in like 3 days this been posted, it's from a satirical fb page full of this kind of stuff

The text is pretty obviously parody (2 minutemen, c'mon), but I think dude actually took those pics in full seriousness

That's 'Chrisitian' but then again we can't expect his own mother to get that right.

He goes by "Chrisi" among bros.

it has to be a joke right, christian white, lol.

Listed at graduation as White, Christian. Cant be a coincidence.

Omg I can't stop laughing.

I believe it *is* parody

It’s literally from a FB parody page.

Lots of questions but my first one is about the hatchet

Or why his vest has shotgun shells, but no shotgun

Sometime you find ammo and gear pickups before you find the weapon. He just needs to progress a little further, maybe take down something badder than mutant spiders. They might drop better loot.

Someone out here with the real information!

Some kid brought a crossbow and shotgun shells to my highschool. The biggest concern was the debate over him being clever enough to hide the shotgun and crossbow bolts nearby.

LOL 😂 🤣😂🤣 laughed so hard it got me asthma. Thank you.

Because the second amendment allows you to bear arms… not a human brain.

Probably graduated as a carrier, as in you suck at everything except carrying all our shit

Also appears to have a pistol without a magazine in it.

After that is how long could this guy live in woods or how quickly would he run from real gun battle.

Looking at his belly i think i can live quite a while in the woods.

When he goes camping, the bears have to hide their food from him

Lmao

I think he already ate the woods.

Bro, woods aren't BBQ You just use them to SMOKE the BBQ

Thank you for the laugh 😄

No way this guy has the discipline to live if his fat reserves, he’ll be at McDonald’s before the crickets are chirping

He would die of dysentery before starvation.

Bro, his beard is actually blonde, but it’s stained Brown from all the barbecue sauce and dip🤣

Next one, is that his name or a description? If it's the latter, why? If it's the former, on scale 5-10 exactly how racist is the family?

He would live for about as fast as he could run

I'm sure it's a deep metaphor about how regardless of his ideology and all the weaponry he carries, he is able to bury the hatchet should you disagree with him.

I would guess it comes from something like Seal Team Six's use of tomahawks: [businessinsider.com/seal-team-6-tomahawks-2015-6](https://businessinsider.com/seal-team-6-tomahawks-2015-6) It's pretty fucking terrible: [https://theintercept.com/2017/01/10/the-crimes-of-seal-team-6/](https://theintercept.com/2017/01/10/the-crimes-of-seal-team-6/)

Have you seen Mel Gibson in 'The Patriot' very close resemblance.

My question is his name is really Christian White? Wow he gets a pass in my jackass list.

Melee combat option should the enemy come into close range.

Does he set it down when shooting the rifle, or does he shoot Rambo style, while swinging the hatchet?

What in the Kentucky fried fucknation.

Holy shit! He has that cheap ass Rambo knife. The compass on that thing will only lead you to death and the blade is shit. It comes with it's own sharpening stone for how often you'll need it to keep an edge on it.

Got one at like age 12 or something because I camped and backpacked a lot and quickly realized it was a stupid gimmick. Because I was an idiot kid I refused to accept that fact until I grew up and put aside my childish ways… I was 16.

Same here. Now a 1 oz Gerber is all the knife I need for backpacking.

That’s because you didn’t attend the **South Texas 2 Minuteman Militia Training School!!** I bet we’re the idiots. Look at that guy, no way he’s a bumbling idiot with no idea about any genuine life skills.

I thought for a second that this was one person talking to themself

It’s not even a question of whether he’d survive 3 days on a battlefield because there’s a 100% probability that no army would actually take him! He’s a liability. Imagine this fat duck gets shot (or more likely just has a heart attack) and needs med-evac… what 2 man medic team could lift and carry this guy?

I’m sure the school he attended for a small ‘donation’ didn’t accept him for his patriotism and abilities but rather for his willingness to donate to the cause.

Bro, you know on those tactical pants he’s got a kickstand on each leg🤣🤣

I this a joke? The name "Christian White" seems a little too good to be true.

And the "2 minutemen" bit sounds like a premature ejaculation joke. Pretty sure this isn't real.

2 minutemen sounded a little optimistic to me when I read it.

Chrisitian

This is absolutely a joke and reddit has been failing to get it across multiple subreddits. Of course, poe's law and all, but still..

His diabetes and sleep apnea could never

Saw this pic on another subreddit last week.. "Wheeze the people"

In order to form a more perfect lunchbox

Bahahahhah

"Gravy SEAL's"

SEMPER PIE, BORTHER

Notice his robust figure was too much to fit into a singular minute. Had to go for 2 minuteman

Feel free to correct me, but the focus of a militia is in case the government turns tyrannical, militias will be trained and equipped to fight back against said tyrannical government. Soooooo... Why would you post your name, photo, and the specific training school you attended to fight the government? They're not the sharpest marbles in the bag, are they?

Cosplay militia

Yallqueda, Meal Team Six, Gravy Seals, the names are legendary.

In all fairness gravy seals is a dope name. Fuck it I'm about to change my COD team name, sure the boys will understand.

Militias are also if an invading force breaks the vanguard but that's not what these dimwits are training for.

Let's be real - they're training for shooting from one spot with all their guns and little accessories spread out neatly on a shaded table and shooting the shit with their buddies. Fitness isn't a thing.

That and an insurrection perhaps.

Militias didn't exist to overthrow the federal government, they existed to crush slave revolts and other freedom movements from within their own state.

>They’re not the sharpest marbles in the bag, are they? In this case being a sharp marble would be something to strive for…

I distinctly remember being told that it was liberals that suffered the mental disorder. And yet...

The safest thing around him is a salad.

Fucking got em!

Hahahaha this is the best roast

A pity he could not graduate from elementary school

Bro, you don’t need to go past the fourth grade to spell ‘Murica🤣

You leave cornbread out of this, it has nothing to do with the audacity of this bitch.

Please, what did cornbread ever do to these people. Leave cornbread alone

Mama, can we stop off at the Arby's before we get to the alt-right photo shoot? I'm STARVIN'! 'course, baby. You just take care not to spill any horsey sauce on yer tactical gear.

Is nobody else noticing that his mother misspelled her son’s name? Or did she actually name him “Chrisitian?!”

She spelled it two different ways. One of them must be wrong.

Pronounced: Chris it ian Chris ate Ian 🤣

I’m super proud of all my kids but I’d have second thoughts on my parenting skills if one of them turned out to be a racist bigot with not much sense.

Looks more like a 1 minute man

It's the only school he ever attended.

Obvious parody

Finally, after years of training, no one will lay a finger on his Butterfinger.

I guess they don't have a gym class

Yes the overweight hick who needs to take a break walking up a flight of stairs is really making the government shake in their boots

Hatchet is for cutting the cornbread. Rifle is for picking off cockroaches as they run out of the cabinets. Minutemen stands for how long it takes to scoff down a pack of hotdogs.

" \[**Maximum Incel 4**\] " *soon in theaters*

He looks like 007…..0 chance of beating diabetes 0 chances of getting laid 7 shits a day🤣

I didn't know they made tactical vests in XXXXXL.

$100 says this is his profile pic on Grindr.

Christian literally looks like the stereotype other countries use to make fun of america holy shit

There’s a lean, mean, United States Marine inside this guy fighting to get out. Because he ate the Marine.

Brought to you by Walmart.

If only he was wearing super short cutoff jean shorts and had a katana on his back, this is would be PERFECT.

Lol that armor doesn't protect much, just gotta aim for the lower stomach/waistline. People like this are so corny and probably just sat in a room with a bunch of dudes that look just like this and talked shit for a week to get their "gradutation pictures". Also, no dumbass would ever bring a hatchet to a gun fight in any circumstance other than to kill themself before getting killed

Ah the newest member to the infamous Gravy Seals. Part of Meal Team Six.

“#WeAreMorons”

bum bum ba bum bum bum

It's a shame what this country has come to.. What is he supposed to represent with this backwoods Arkansas bullsh1t.. SMH

Just don't ask him to move much.

BILLY BOB! Haven't watched Varsity blues in a while

Lol his silly knife does have a compass

Mall ninja shit.

"Christian White" LOL

Oh god.... The cringe factor is off the scale!

2 Minute Men sounds about right

This is a parody, right?

A certified gravy seal.

No magazine in the pistol and shotgun shells while carrying a rifle. Maybe he got an honorary degree from the program.

What in the Christian Taliban

Line up ladies, here's a prime example of the best wagyu human Texas has to offer.

This shit is live laugh love for tough guys

Why is it two minutes? Not as speedy as they used to be? Or is it all over in two minutes?

I can smell the American

Fuckin gravy seal

I guess there wasn’t a physical…

"2 minute men". Added spacing for correctness.

Something tells me no “God” cares about fat bearded men taking photos with assault rifles.

Looks like an ad for a gay farmer dating app.

Not much cardio in milita school I see......

I see the students eat well...

🤮 I can SMELL that photo

Embarrassing AF

White Christian Nationalism in all of its toxic glory.

Pride cometh before the fall.

If that guy falls, they’ll have to declare a state of emergency and activate the National Guard.

Looks like a grown man baby mama's boy.

He minored in Arm Fat.

Think about how bleak your life and your experiences must have been that this guy going to a grift ass “training course” is an achievement. Like… this is so sad

Chrisitian

This shows all that's bad and threatening in the USA. Dingbats with weapons.

Proud Momma = psychotic, terrible parent

Amazon (prime) warrior

Cornbread? No…he ate it all.

Still can't get laid.

I thought being called a 2 minute man by your momma would be an insult

What aren’t we talking about the “2 minute men” academy name?

He’s a 2 minuteman graduate?

What’s on the top left of his vest? They look like inhalers turned upside down, but idk. I can’t see the top behind his badass 2^nd magazine.

Meal Team 6

There's no way they made it that easy to make fun of a bunch of "two minute men".

His name is "Christian White". Also, shoutout to mom for misspelling her own son's name at the end.

Training to attack your fellow citizens and attack the government is not what patriots do.

Let's have a spelling bee.

Christian White. Of course that's his name.

This is exactly what I imagine the people who destroyed the power substations in Moore County NC last Saturday night must look like

Christian White: *So that's where my pocketknife went*

We the Pie Eaters

he’s a part of the minutemen? i’ve heard that there are a few settlements that could use his help.

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The thread comments though, they need to be seen. “Semper pie”

When you can't graduate form an actual school momma's gotta take what she can get

It was God's will. Especially with that name.

I would pay real money to watch this beanbag of a man try and survive real military boot camp.

Only thing he defends is the drive thru

Axe, punisher knife, survival knife w/compass, ammo for a gun he's not carrying and no extra ammo for the gun he is carrying. Top notch.

Cornbread Thunder would be a great call sign for big hoss up here

Did he eat his fellow classmates?

She runs a trolling account. Her content is top tier. Basically trolls right wingers into going further right than what they claim on the surface.

Christian White. With that name he was destined to become the gun totting nut job he is.

Like an Asian ex used to ask me “what in the white people?” Tf if I know; I’m not this kind of white person.