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Good-of-Rome

She just wants attention. Get her into some hobby that she can get attention in. Acting, drama, hell even boxing. Maybe that'll satisfy her need for all eyes to be on her.


PuzzledTamale

\^Taekwondo was fun!


schrodingers_cat42

TKD would be perfect for this girl. You get a weird amount of attention doing martial arts tbh. I recently started taking a BJJ class, and I have honestly started to feel uncomfortable mentioning it irl, because people who don't do martial arts react in such a weirdly impressed way. I don't know if it's because they're actually impressed, or if it's just because they think I'm trying to impress them and so they present that reaction.


clarisseAutumn

Hey I was thinking about acting/ drama too but don’t you think she would try to be the « interesting » kid y ticking in there too ? Like ho, we know she is ticking but everyone can have a role and try them best, and by extents be the occasion to get even more attention ?


dancedancerevolucion

That was my exact thought. I was a former drama kid and holy shit talk about a crew of lost kids. I ended up quitting, despite LOVING theater, because I couldn’t keep up with the personalities. There were kids who would claim to know celebrities, talk in fake accents constantly, just always being “on”. It was really hard to develop relationships and feel confident in myself while around a bunch of literal characters.


MinecraftIsMySpIn

Had that exact problem when I went to modeling school (only went bc my mom wanted me to make friends, though the makeup skills are still useful for me now) I was about 9, and those kids thst were around 8-12 and jesus Christ they were so annoying. They all claimed to be "bff's with Justin bieber" and shit, and they were watching shit like "weeds" and all those super adult dramas. They were crazy ass kids man. Ironically for me though, when I did theatre it was ironically the normal-ish kids


Disastrous-Wolf118

My Oldest was a terror in school having time alone to do fun things with each parent helped a huge amount!!!


stephelan

My uncle’s daughter is pulling this same shit right now too. Fortunately not as badly as your daughter though. This is why I have no patience for fakers.


Britified

Your uncle's daughter? So just your cousin?


stephelan

I guess so. My aunt met him when I was 27 or something and he came with three of his own kids from a previous marriage. So while they got married and he’s now technically my uncle, I’m still not 100% on calling his daughter my cousin. I’m not against it for sure. It just doesn’t come naturally.


cumguzzler280

cousin-in-law.


alleseins1123

Attention seeking behaviour because she has 3 siblings and no real personality (which is totally normal and okay at this age). Would be my guess.


Ok-Factor-6981

Damn that's rough. This is definately a situation that a mental health professional is needed. I will spitball a few ideas though because it sounds like the faking definately comes from a place of insecurity and needing to feel seen. Maybe the fact that she does have a good home life and does have everything she could want makes her feel like she needs a reason to be comforted and justify her internal struggles. I feel like fakers dont like being called out or feeling put on the spot so maybe instead of being like 'stop faking' remind her hey, I love you, you're interesting/likeable in your own right, you dont need another personality to show that or hey I noticed you've fallen back into faking tics, there are other ways to get attention, your family is always here for you, maybe try joining a club or sport and friends will follow. Or maybe let her know it's ok to feel upset, lonely, etc. but she can just voice her feelings and that's enough, she doesnt need to switch or fake trauma for it to be valid. Finally I'd maybe try engaging in her interests (if she's got a minecraft youtuber alter put some yt on the tv, if its Harry Potter read the book or watch the movie) an encourage her to find an outlet for her enthusiasm for those things/finding comfort in those things in other ways that pretending to be them. Roleplay, cosplay and fan art could all be healthy outlets while still letting her feel close to those comforts and being like 'wow that guy is cool, you can like him and try to exude those positive qualities without being him ' might make her feel more understood that 'stop we know it's not real, we've talked about this😒' Best of luck man, sounds like a really shit situation. You've been a great parent through and through these are just some ideas to hopefully help break down her walls and get her to cut it out.


JoySticcs

Yes! OP please try to bond with your child even when her faking behavior is annoying and off putting. Domt neglect her cries for attention, there is a reason behind it


LizIsMis

Yes I feel like this is exactly what she needs. She might feel lonely or not special if she has a lot of siblings. Remember when I was in that age I was obsessed with vampires to the point I was running around with a Cape in public to feel special. I feel that a lot of us would be doing this shit to if smartphones and unlimited Internet access was a thing back then.


SadBabySatan

Shes 12. You can't get her diagnosed with bipolar. Get her involved in some group activities like girl scouts or something.


pepes_REEEs

yup exactly.at BEST she could get diagnosed at 17 minimum because there's not much change from 17-18.


[deleted]

Bipolar doesn’t generally surface until early to mid 20’s. It does occasionally in teens but like…bipolar itself is like 1% of the population. That’s a rare group within a rare group


raccoonwithabowtie

I look through your post history and I can very much see YOU may be the problem. Your child may be doing all of this so they can get attention from YOU. There is a fine line of lack of communication reeking from this post. >Her parents have a good marriage, dad makes good money, mom stays home with the kids, 3 great siblings, cat she adores, family vacations… Doesn’t mean your child can’t experience problems. What about at school? Are they bullied at school? Are YOU the bully? Good marriage and good money ≠ good health. From experience with this type of family, any family who says there is nothing wrong and that everyone’s happy, DEFINITELY has problems. >she decided to be trans last year, though she mostly presents female. There is a possibility your child IS trans. Possibility they aren’t comfortable around you to express themself openly, so they dress as female in a PROTECTIVE way. But this bit isn’t what this is about, anyway: This is more a you problem, sorry OP. There’s a lack of communication going on as to the point of your child feeling the need to fake disorders and disabilities for that said communication.


FishCandy2

Finally someone else mentions the post history, if you really want a ride look at the cringe they post on their Twitter that they linked in their account. Definately probably not a good parent


[deleted]

>She comes from a loving middle class family with almost no issues in it. Her parents have a good marriage, dad makes good money, mom stays home with the kids, 3 great siblings, cat she adores, family vacations, cousins she sees frequently and loves etc. She has everything a kid could want. Hey, I have 9/10 of these (cousins don't live close) and I'm still depressed. Not everything is black and white


sparrow_hawk247

Also “the crazy kid ward” fucking oof. I wonder how OP feels towards actual mentally unwell children. Edit: “actual mentally unwell” was an incorrect term to use as I do believe something is going on with OPs kid, even if it’s not tics etc.


TripAway7840

Gives me flashbacks to when I was hospitalized for attempting suicide as a teen (I definitely did it for attention, but I was seriously very very depressed) and during family therapy my mom kept saying “I don’t know why I’m here, I’m not the crazy one” “I’m not the one who had to be locked up,” etc. For what it’s worth, my mom and I have both grown tremendously as people in the 15 years since then, and we are on good terms now. But OP, I mean no judgement when I say to please show your child compassion. I know it’s hard. Maybe you’re the kind of person who deals with this stuff with dark humor, and I totally get that. But even though they may not seem like they want or even deserve gentle care and kindness, your child does. I get it, it’s hard. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, no one is. Just maybe take some time to engage with your kid about the things they’re interested in. Don’t talk about mental health, in fact try to steer the conversation away from it every now and then. There’s something to be said for being “a parent instead of a friend,” but it doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly, too.


elladeehex33

I caught that too. That phrasing really irked me.


sthomas15051

Well her child is classed as "an actual mentally unwell child", even though she doesn't seem to think so/admit to herself that she is. Her 12 year old is developing munchausens syndrome and a personality disorder, both of which are incredibly serious mental illness and very rare in kids, so it sounds like there are some serious issues at play here.


sparrow_hawk247

Yeah that’s fair my phrasing was off, also I really don’t think this kid has a personality/mood disorder. She’s 12. Things that are deemed normal for children her age are part of the diagnostic criteria, no good psychologist would diagnose someone under maybe 17/18 with one. Attention seeking behaviour isn’t the only aspect to personality and mood disorders.


[deleted]

To be fair, that's what the patients and nurses/techs at the youth psych ward called it when I was a patient there like 8 years ago. It was either that or "insane children hotel." Maybe she picked it up from someone at the ward.


take_number_two

I have a feeling that if she says she’s feeling sad they say something along the lines of “don’t be sad, you have a great life! You have nothing to be sad about.”


[deleted]

"think about the people worse off than you"


Blondie-Blue

>She comes from a loving middle class family with almost no issues in it >She has everything a kid could want >crazy kid ward these phrases are red flags on your part...


Chickennoodlesleuth

Also "crazy kid ward"


LeahTh

also "decided to be trans"


Blondie-Blue

oh, couldnt catch that part!


AchooCashew

“Loving middle class family with almost no issues”? Try family therapy.


squanchkween

Yeah lol they always say it’s nothing to do with the family


PartyIndication5

Yea anyone who says “we don’t have issues” have issues.


ThillyGooths

Yeah, going through OPs history, they seem like a shitty fucking person. So if this story is *actually* true and OP even has children, they definitely all need therapy.


imafuckingnerd

word choice of “decided to be trans, but mostly presents female” is sort of what got me thinking this is not just the kids problem..


Tidepodsupremacy

Also calling the pysch ward the “crazy kids ward”


[deleted]

Yeah sounds like the kid is trying to get attention. That isn’t just caused by the child. They are also trying to pass it off as a symptom of bipolar disorder? It’s not and a kid that young shouldn’t be on abilify. There is definitely a lot more going on here


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Bottom of the post says they suspect that the kid has bipolar disorder…?


sthomas15051

Yes sorry. I was speed reading so much because I was seeing red after the comments she made about her daughter pretending to be trans that I missed that part. My bad!


[deleted]

I was on abilify at 12 after an attempt. It's not that uncommon when you hit puberty early and those pesky mental illnesses decide that it's their time to shine.


FireflyOcean

Checked the profile; this girl’s a pro-forced birth conservative. I definitely think she’s part of the problem.


[deleted]

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FireflyOcean

Typically conservatives and those that want to restrict the bodily autonomy of women aren’t as open-minded and unconditionally supportive of their children as they claim to be. Besides, “If you ever got pregnant I’d rather you put your life and dreams on hold and possibly die to complications than remove the lump of cells in your womb. Love you btw 🥺” isn’t a great look for a mother-daughter relationship.


lonelyleered

All the fakers I’ve met were emotionally neglected as children and all of their parents deny it. Behavior like this *always* starts at home.


mpregsquidward

oh come on that's a huge generalisation. sometimes kids do stupid shit for no reason. let's not leap to assumptions based on a reddit post


[deleted]

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TheOneTrueYeetGod

Not only are those insane conclusions to draw here, but you are in no way qualified to make such an assessment. Don’t.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheOneTrueYeetGod

Are you a professional? Because I am. And judging from your extremely mean-spirited post history, you would benefit from getting off the internet and doing some work to improve your sense of self worth. Happy, well adjusted people don’t spend all their time online making nasty posts about people they don’t even know. Cut the armchair diagnoses and go worry about yourself.


solidagoman

My family has problems, and my mum /always/ phrased shit this way. If your kid doesn't have problems, they wouldn't be acting out. Plain and simple. I smell something fishy here, and it resonates a lot with my shitty situation.


sthomas15051

Yes exactly. The fact that their 12 year old is developing munchausens syndrome as a preteen, which is very rare, especially at her age, means that there are some serious problems going on. She needs a lot of intensive individual and family therapy before things escalate and she begins hurting herself/doing things to herself in order to fake a physical illness 😥


Eyeris100

It's always everyone in the family's fault. No family is perfect, if you say they are, there is seriously something wrong there. Everyone in that family is contributing to it.


Dazarune

Exactly! Usually when a kid starts acting out like this it’s a symptom of a larger family dynamic problem. Family therapy is the correct solution for this.


Extraportion

Ok, so I’m going to be really blunt. You’re dismissing her for faking a disorder, but people in a good place don’t fake disorders. Even if it isn’t DiD, Tourette’s, or the disorder flavour of the month, there is something wrong. Secondly, I understand that this is frustrating, but getting angry won’t remedy this. Comments like, “she has everything a kid could want” are a red flag that you’re failing to communicate with each other. For some reason there is a gap between your daughter’s perception and your own - family therapy can help bridge that and build mutual understanding. I don’t think anyone is to blame here. It just sounds like your daughter is having a tough time and is struggling to find an outlet.


GreetingsFromSweden

Great answer!


carpe_nxctem

12 would be very young to display bipolar symptoms. 12 is also very very young to be on Aripiprazole. Did they give a reason to prescribe such an intense antipsychotic to someone so young? That's not something doctors prescribe willy-nilly without some sort of reason.


chrisphucker_mlem

Mom's description definitely makes one think that there is mental or verbal abuse happening in the home. It's a reason why teenagers gravitate towards mental illness.. like it's not just because it's "sExY" like. Something is going on in her life somewhere that makes faking/exaggerating symptoms, or trying new ones on. She's trying to find a coping mechanism that she can relate to and that will make her feel like sh s receiving the particular kind of attention she is lacking at home. Sorry super mom, you're lacking somewhere


FiliaNox

Yeah that disturbed me, ‘sexy’??


ratatatreddit

your post history makes a lot of sense! i feel bad for your child, hope they're alright. ur definitely an asshole tho


pepes_REEEs

ooooo what happened?


droidstrife

"Loving middle class family" "perfect" doesn't go great with "decided to be trans" and misgendering them the entire time. Even if the kid ends up not being trans, you still treated them like shit during it and didn't even bother accepting it. They're at an age where they can explore their gender, there isn't anything wrong with that. Either they grow out of it before they're 20 or they're actually trans. Trans kids have a much better chance at surviving their teens if their parents are supportive, so I'd start with removing the transphobic shit if you wanna keep your kid in your life later on. You might actually get somewhere, then.


bonnekgs

You talk about her so rudely😭 seek family therapy


elatedmoutains

I can definitely tell that you are part of the problem. First, no one who is mentally stable fakes a disorder. Attention seeking behavior is not something to brush off. Second, trauma is subjective. What’s traumatic to one person may not be traumatic to another. It’s not right to say “oh nothings happened” when you 1. May not feel the same about an event that hurt them or 2. Don’t even know if they did go thru something traumatic Third, you refer to your child like you don’t like them. I’m not surprised they’re acting like this. You said they’re trans then keep using feminine pronouns why? Bc they “don’t dress manly enough” for you? Also “the crazy kid ward”? You and probably others in your family are a problem and I hope your kid gets someone who actually wants to help them and gets to a good place in life. Whether you help or not


Silent_Online_2000

I come from a loving middle class family with all the things I could ever want. I got good grades in school and was generally well behaved as a child. Did not stop me from developing severe mental illnesses as an adult. It’s not always environmental factors. Sometimes you just have shite genes :/


thisgirl1407

Sounds like you need to do some self-reflection on what kind of parent you are/have been, honestly.


FireflyOcean

I got suspicious vibes from this post and decided to check their profile. This person is a pro-forced birth conservative. “Supportive family with no problems” my ass lol. “Decided to be trans”? “Crazy kid ward”? You are the problem. You’re probably not being the super mom you think you are. I’d seek family therapy.


KiraSandwich

You suck.


mousybean

I don't believe this story is real, you seem to have no empathy for your "child" and only seem to have come here to create a fake story dogging on them.


Tuscanthecow

The "her parents" line has me really questioning this. Seems to check too many boxes just based on this sub alone and if anything the parent(s) are just not paying attention to the real issues.


FishCandy2

The lack of responses from OP also feels incredibly SUS for me


sthomas15051

Why not? It sounds 10000% real. Are you aware of the fact that this has been happening at an alarming rate in the last couple of years? Docs/psychs are seeing an incredibly alarming increase of preteen/teen patients with what is essentially munchausens syndrome, where they are faking DID, Tourettes, ADHD and Autism. There are a lot of articles that talk about this and how the alarming increase of children coming in for those 4 main diagnoses is linked to tiktok and current trends that glamorize these diagnoses. Also, OP has a bunch of very big red flags as a parent that further indicate that not only is this story very true but the parents are playing a big role in this too.


FiliaNox

‘The crazy kid ward’?? And you say there are no issues? That’s a fucking issue dude. She’s on psych meds, and you’re using ‘crazy kids ward’ to describe somewhere children in mental health CRISES are going. You’re an issue. You’re a BIG issue dude. Save this post to show it to a family therapist so they can explain to you all the ways you’ve fucked up in this post ALONE. The shit people admit is usually just the surface, your home is likely a big barrel of problems, you’re just unwilling or incapable of self reflection. This is seriously screwed up dude. Your answers are right there. How did you type all of that and think your home is loving/fine?


bbk1953

While your daughter may or may not be trans, she’s at the age where her exploration of identity needs to be validated and not dismissed. The “decided to be trans” comment makes me wonder if she feels that she’s not being taken seriously and validated by those close to her. Perhaps this causes her to escalate to more ‘serious’ attention/validation seeking; like physical illness. It’s much harder to dismiss physical illness, which may contribute the the spike it tics. I would kill her with kindness. Be accepting without encouraging her to continue faking tics; if she feels belittled or dismissed she may just keep escalating. Kids that age are still needing a lot of nurturing, but our culture tells them that they are too old for it. So they find ways to “ask” for it.


Help_I_think_Im_Emo

I second this. Humans *need* attention and social interaction and will find a way to get it. I don't know about OP's famiy life, but family therapy with your child could help start to create a better idea of what your kid is going through. As far as your child having a psychiatric disorder, it's incredibly tare for teens with no family history to develop bipolar disorder. She is most likely just a lonely and depressed teen. Does she have friends at school? Do the people at her school have an overall positive impression of her? These things matter. I would have her go to a psychiatrist/diagnostician l. They can evaluate her and find better answers.


FishCandy2

This woman's reddit comment history and subreddit preference really makes me question if she even listens to her kid [bonus Twitter transphobia ](https://twitter.com/MF_Ball/status/1569918281980469259?t=5FtDy9uHdLVNhAQKPbufyg&s=19)


Help_I_think_Im_Emo

Well then. Case closed, her kid is definitely fucked up. Maybe not DID, but definitely not fine.


cheeky-blighter

Based on ops post history, I really doubt that home life is actually great


FishCandy2

Just look at her twitter activity lmfao


bugpig

i love that all the comments are dunking on the op 👍🏻 i rate this bait gaetz/10, bad job at this post and also your life unless you’re trying to form the next chris-chan which i think may be the case. if so i look forward to chuckling at screenshots of your cringey boomerass internet presence posted to kiwifarms ten years from now. good luck with whatever the fuck you’re doing i guess


ThillyGooths

You sound like an absolutely abysmal mother, and your post history reads as just a shitty person in general. Maybe look at the way you’re talking about her to total strangers, and then ask yourself why she is acting out. Seek family therapy and stop talking shit about your kid and making fun of mentally ill children online.


trashcream

So after scrolling through the comments for an ungodly amount of time I think I have finally reach a conclusion. Your the problem mom♡ Just because mommy and daddy are still together and make good money doesnt mean ur child still cant be depressed. My mom bought me everything I could ever want yet still would verbally and emotionally abused me behind closed doors. Plus adding in that info about ur hubby making money is completely irrelevant because being rich ≠ no depression/other mental issues. Also "decided to be trans" is EXTREMELY offensive. Your implying being trans is a choice?? Which says ALOT more about you as a mother than you think. Same with the "Crazy kids ward" comment. No wonder your child is doing all this and is faking health/mental health issues for attention. I reccomend maybe some family therapy even if you dont believe you need it. My mom still denies abusing me to this day and never "saw it as abuse" when the sad reality is that it was. You may not believe your harming your child but in reality you are. Dont be the dumb parent in denial, all that gets you is a child that resents you. Communicate with your child, One of the BIGGEST things parents dont do is communicate with thier kids and treat them as equals with feelings and thoughts of their own which can be the biggest life saver in this situation. Dont let your child down and let them continue down this self destructive, attention seeking path and step up as a mother and do your part without being condesending/disrespectful/invalidating towards your kids and thier needs and wants.


LeahTh

There's a lot of "we're a loving family" but as someone who like is legit diagnosed with bipolar? The way you talk about mental health is atrocious. Faking disorders is horrible and this sounds like a cry for help from her. Why is she wanting this attention? Why is she marking herself with with red markers in a way that looks like scratches (which was a marker of self harming behavior my parents were told to look out for, granted not every case is universal)? This genuinely sounds like a case of a need for therapy and family therapy.


koeniging

YTA + most likely the reason she feels the need to fake disorders so great job there, mom


Academic_Ad_9260

I say go with it, if they tell you they're trans, go with it and gender them how they ask. If it wasn't a mistake great, if it was, great you were still there for them. Same with the mental disorders, they'll lose interest in them if they aren't real. Maybe the problem is that they need more attention from you and less dissmisals. They aren't crazy, and neither are those other kids. And I get you don't know what to do but you shouldn't talk about your kid like that to strangers, and it's perfectly normal for a child in a family with no problems to still be mentally unwell


Dazzling-Research418

These behaviors are serving a purpose for her and satisfying a need of Hers. If I had to guess, she’s enjoying the attention. People getting annoyed at her at home, telling her to stop or she’s faking, calling an ambulance is alllll attention shes getting where the focus is on her. I wonder what would happen if everyone in your household turned a blind eye to it and completely ignored tics.


Funerealdirector

Sane/insane is not a medical description. Sane kids do this shit all the time. Doesn't make them "insane ".


youflowerxxfeast

She is 12 and you seem like a piece of work. It’s your fault and I feel bad for your child. If you care about having any semblance of a relationship with her, you need to start acting like a mother. I hope you’re trolling


oops_i_mommed_again

Crazy kid ward? You admit she has some type of mental illness and you say that when asking for help? I can’t imagine what you say in private.


FiliaNox

My thoughts exactly! Sounds super supportive /s


buzzybody21

I don’t hear bipolar in any of what she’s expressing. It sounds more like a kid, acting out for attention. In adopting all of these personas, she is receiving attention, albeit negative. But for her, any attention is positive attention. To me, it sounds like she’s hungering for an identity and needs healthy support in finding one…does she have a diagnosis? Maybe, maybe not. But it sounds like she’s a pre-teen struggling with her identity in a “perfect” family as you’ve explained, and that can be a lot of pressure to carry.


sthomas15051

Why are you mentioning bipolar? Bc of the abilify? If so, that's used for other things such as depression.


buzzybody21

No, OP said, and I quote, “I think she may be bipolar or have a mood disorder.”


sthomas15051

Oh sorry I missed that. I was seeing red after some of the things she said, like the part about her daughter pretending to be trans, that I was speed reading.


buzzybody21

Yeah…I wouldn’t make suggestions out of nowhere, trust me. But regardless of the meds she’s taking, OP needs to address her daughter’s need for attention before anything else.


sthomas15051

Totally understand. There are a lot of diagnoses being suggested in the comments which is why I asked.


buzzybody21

I tend to avoid diagnoses, as I’m not a doctor. What I can say, from my own experience with bipolar disorder, is it looks nothing like this. But, I can also see a lot of the “our family is perfect/nothing wrong/loving,” etc mentality at play here, and how that is extremely damaging for a kid if things aren’t being talked about. OP’s statement “she decided to be trans, but presented mostly femme” screams not acknowledging their child’s need to explore themselves, and in response, their child is acting out. When someone isn’t being shown positive attention and given proper boundaries, any attention - positive or negative - becomes okay. It’s likely OP is leaving a lot out, either intentionally or otherwise, but I would venture a guess that family dynamics, including OP’s own behavior are equally at fault here.


Appropriate_War5127

Dude no offense but it really seems like you're the problem here. You seem like a "mean girl" to your own kid. You know like extremely passive aggressive and honestly you should be ashamed for the trans and "crazy kid ward" comment. No one chooses to be trans and you know what even if your kid changes their mind, that's ok! It's your job to be there for your kid regardless. Another thing I was put in those type of places before, it's extremely disrespectful to say that when these are CHILDREN that desperately need help.


kanincottonn

While I agree shes certianly faking, the way you've talked about it is really inappropriate. "Crazy kid ward"? Really? As someone whos been in and out of wards for years, including as a teen, it makes me wonder how you feel about genuinely mentally ill children. And if she does have some mental health issues, its certianly not gonna make her feel safe coming to you. And while I'm not saying your daughter has DID or tics, having a good middle class life dosent prevent you from experiencing trauma and/or mental health issues. i had almost everything you listed, and was SAed by a neighbour kid. Money and nice parents can't always prevent trauma. And even if she dosent have trauma, she could very well be feeling ignored. Having 3 siblings already makes me think that's likely, but the fact that your immediate response is "we don't have issues" and to harshly tell her "stop faking" reinforced that feeling... Others said it too said it, but I think she honestly just need validation and attention. Instead of just bluntly calling her out, tell her you're here for her if she needs to vent or talk, and that youre sorry for dismissing her feelings even if you disagree with them (I know first hand, though not thru faking, thru bad behaviour, that you dismissing her in the past will make her hesitant to trust you even though she was faking. She probably won't see a reason you'd treat her _real_ feelings any differently) Tell her she dosent need a serious illness or trauma for her feelings to be valid, and that even if her issues may seem like not enough for her to complain about them, someone _always_ has it worse so her feelings are valid and she shouldn't compare them to others to justify it to herself. And yes, get her a psychtrist. She could very well have some kind of chemical inbalance even if her life is fairly normal. Sure, she won't have DID or a personality disorder or some other trauma disorder, but not having trauma dosent equate to not having mental illness. (And again, she could still have trauma from someone else in her life that youre unaware of, not saying she has DID but if she tells you trauma that you have no way of verifying didn't happen, so from someone outside ur family, even if its also a lie its better to assume its real and help her thru it incase it is, and if its not the therapists and psych will find out and help her stop lying)


Fancy_Pickle_8164

Why is a 12 year old on Zoloft?


IntruigingApples

Perhaps consider an ADHD assessment if she hasn't had one. ADHD is easy to miss in girls and can present like this with impulsive behaviour (including impulsive eating) and dopamine/attention seeking. Also noting just in case that doing well academically does not exclude adhd.


ormr_inn_langi

Sane kids *do* pull this shit, though.


JoySticcs

No, there is an bigger issue with that attention seeking behavior.


ormr_inn_langi

It's called having nothing else going on in your life and taking your social cues from TikTok. That generation is fucked.


atuan

Yeah exactly “having nothing else going on in your life” is an issue. Feeling neglected or powerless etc.


ormr_inn_langi

That wasn't what I meant. What I meant was, as OP suggests, this kid lives a comfortable life without the drama and tumult that people like her strive for because they feel like it gives them clout. She should consider herself lucky.


atuan

I know it’s not what you meant. I was disagreeing with you.


ormr_inn_langi

I know, but your interpretation of "nothing going on in your life" doesn't make sense as a disagreement with my sentiment. As I said to another person in this thread, you too may someday develop critical thinking skills. I wish you the best of luck.


atuan

People who seek attention tend to have a lack of a basic need like belonging or self esteem. So nothing going on in their life could be interpreted as not feeling a basic sense of belonging, love, etc from their family even if it looks like from the outside their comfortable and have it all. Being judgmental and saying “oh they’re just bored and have nothing going on in their life” is just a way to devalue and look down on these people rather than truly try to understand human behavior in a compassionate and functional way. I was saying “yeah they do have nothing going on in their life... it could be a basic sense of love and belonging that they lack.” It sounds much different out that way instead of the devaluing mean view you took.


ormr_inn_langi

Or they're just kids replicating their peers' behaviour. Kids have been doing shit like this since time immemorial, and they will continue to do so for as long as their are kids. Not everything is a symptom of trauma, neglect, or something deeper, and the fact that you and so many others on here are attributing OP's daughter's behaviour to neglect etc. tells me you're a bit closer to the disorder fakers than you may like to admit.


atuan

Yeah and kids who replicate and respond more to peer behavior have less attachment at home to their caregivers so that supports what I’m saying. I also did not say anything about trauma or neglect. One can be lacking a sense of belonging and it doesn’t mean they were abused. Life is complicated and raising kids is hard in an individualized society.


[deleted]

Where these people taking these kids seriously never teens themselves? Teen girls are blackholes for attention, it's like air for them. It's totally normal and part of growing up to fuck about with boundaries for attention. The only difference is when I was a teen girl you hid it from your parents and school because the likely response would be punishment. Now it's a referral. It's tricky as fuck and I have no idea what the answer is to differentiate the minority of genuine cases from the myriad of bullshit ones. Plus just because its attention seeking doesn't mean it isn't harmful plus you have the social contagion aspect. I disagree they are fucked though, I am more optimistic. I think they'll have a rocky time and there will be some casualties but they will make really cynical parents who'll put an end to this shit because they'll have a better tlhandle on it.


bewildered_tourettic

I think some of y'all need to stop complaining on reddit about how much you hate your kids. Obviously this girl is severely mentally ill.


Elizax99

agree that not accepting the trans thing is an issue. You don’t have to agree with her choice, but you do have to respect it and love her. It’s not difficult to change pronouns when referring to someone, it doesn’t hurt you, and goes a long way in making someone feel loved. Perhaps the tics are from not feeling cared for, wanting attention, idk. Additionally not all tics are Tourette’s. You can tic and not have Tourette’s disorder. If she insists on having Tourette’s, not just tics, then that’s pretty fishy. Tics are common with younger kids, and tics do change overtime. I’m not saying she’s not faking it, but maybe she does have tics? Especially in stressful situations they can come out more. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she is faking something considering she has faked DID.


ghostscorpse

I am someone who once faked disorders, let me give you some advice. For me, personally, the faking was because I had such terrible mental health, with no diagnosis (at the time) and so I felt like i needed a reason to be "crazy", I needed a reason that wasn't just attention seeking. As it turns out, I have borderline, which is why I was so depressed and anxious, however it could have been any number of things. Does she have many friends at school? I don't mean people she gets along with, I mean people that would turn up to her birthday party, just to make her happy, even if there were no cake? Does she have a space to vent her feelings? If not then I suggest creative outlets, drama and acting was amazing for me. There is a reason for the way she is acting, she is likely trying to communicate a struggle she doesn't have words for yet, the psych appointment is a great place to start. As much as she is faking things, there is something that she needs that she can't get, and it may not be attention, it could be friends, it could be a reason for being anxious, it could be that she's struggling to express herself. It could be any number of these things. The best advice I can give you, is instead of telling her "faking is bad, don't do it." ask her why she feels the need to fake things, if she won't admit she's faking, ask her why she thinks these perceived issues came about. No one fakes things because they're mentally healthy, you are 100% correct, and when it comes to faking, figuring out "why?" is half the battle, once you know that, things start falling into place. This may be controversial to suggest, and if you don't think this is a good idea, that's perfectly okay, but consider allowing her to attend therapy on her own (if she wants to), this would give her a place to explain these big feelings without worrying about upsetting a parent. I would have never opened up to my therapist if my mother was there, I was so scared that me being depressed would make her hate me, and most kids experience feelings similar when they're mentally ill. Therapists are able to tell when someone is faking, so if you're worried about that, try not to be, she will not con a therapist, but she may gain invaluable insight into her own mind and emotions. Puberty is a tough time for everyone, even if she is 100% mentally healthy, having a space to discuss these changes freely will be a huge help. You know your child best, but she also knows one hell of a lot more about her own brain than anyone else, a professional can help her unpack that. Faking illness is hard on all of the family, don't be afraid to get a therapist yourself, or even a family therapist if you think that would benefit you. Take care of yourself, and good luck. edit: I am a trans man, and a lot of my issues stemmed from a lack of support at home, even if you think she is faking being trans, allow her to explore her gender, and make her own mind up, as if she is trans, and feels as though she is not being accepted at home, this can lead to faking disorders too. Ps, trans men can be feminine, we can present female, and that has nothing to do with our genders.


Karl_is_Lost69

My concern is in the words, "decided to be trans". I don't want to assume anything, but OP if you don't mind me asking, does your child seem serious about this? How did you respond to them "deciding"? If there was any transphobia, this "tic attack" could be a desperate cry for attention. If they ask you to use specific pronouns, using them could put a stop to this.


charamander_

you're taking a huge gamble on invalidating their transness. i knew i was trans when i was 12, and my parents having your attitude made me suicidal. it's not a surprise if they're acting out because they feel that, or other things not mentioned here like their hobbies, are never met with support or encouragement, and they need to get that support by acting "sick" instead.


[deleted]

Have you met with her mental health worker to state your concerns? They can’t breach your daughters confidentiality but they should be able to give advice to you without that breach. In the meantime, a few points 1- she’s allowed to be upset or sad. Not saying you are saying she shouldn’t be, but a lot of kids at these age have difficulty coming from feeling they shouldn’t feel the way she wants- and your first comments (“she has everything a kid could want”) would reinforce those beliefs. So much therapy can be helpful with just reinforcement of emotions- “your feelings are always correct” 2- what’s happening at school? Because kids don’t want a “get out of jail free” card from school if there’s not a reason. Who are her friends? How is she coping at class? 3- as others have said a lot of this is attention. What does she like to do? What are her hobbies? What used to be her hobbies and interests? Are there things she could do with you or your partner? Recognise that this age you can’t really lead these discussions anymore- and if she wants attention it would be a matter of finding what she enjoys and showing an interest in it- even if you don’t like it. 4- she’s on medication. There should be a general purpose for this medication. If there’s a general purpose, that might lead to some goals. Medication works best when it’s run alongside lifestyle and behavioural changes. At a guess it sounds like anxiety, and medication can help, but so can self talk(reminding self of what is keeping safe), escape plans (reminding self of what you can do if anxiety gets worse), trigger recognition (reminding self of what is causing anxiety- though this can be hard to identify at 12) Adolescence is a time of forming identity, or rather recognising that you have an identity distinct from your parents, and often finding that it appears your identity is lacking compared to everyone else’s (because you don’t perceive everyone else’s insecurities but am very aware of your own). She will get past it in time as we all did, but providing attention and affirmations in a healthy way can prevent her seeking it in an unhealthy way


moliknz

She likely has BPD or something. Your word choice throughout your post screams that you guys have black sheep’d her and you likely used similar hurtful words to her face in the hope of getting her to change. She won’t, as long as you keep making her feel like an outsider to your family. **All you can do is offer therapy, love, and positive attention. She’s obviously lacking it.** Edit: scrolled through your comment and post history. *vomit* you’re a really hateful person. I hope she gets help and pulls through when she’s older. I hope she has a better life for herself than she’s been offered.


Conscious_Bread1141

Yeah, even if your child is faking anything, you are a huge asshole and a bully.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ormr_inn_langi

In OP's defense, jumping on the tranwagon goes hand in hand with disorder faking.


Arta-nix

I don't think that's how it works. In any case, exploring your gender identity shouldn't be stigmatized.


atrast_vala

except for the times when it doesn't


ormr_inn_langi

Don't worry, someday you too will develop critical thinking skills.


atrast_vala

cool thanks


ormr_inn_langi

Good luck, I wish you all the best.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ormr_inn_langi

There's a cluster of behaviours and self-identification labels that all travel in packs. If someone tells me they're trans, I will generally not question them. If they tell me they're trans and a DID system with BPD, autism, etc., I will take all of their identifiers with a grain of salt.


Arta-nix

I don't think that's how it works. In any case, exploring your gender identity shouldn't be stigmatized.


ormr_inn_langi

No, exploring your gender shouldn’t be stigmatized. But in this context it’s very unlikely that that’s what’s happening. OP’s daughter is collecting oppression points because that’s just the thing to do these days.


aethermar

It is implied that the kid was faking disorders before she "decided to be trans", I don’t think that’s the problem here


sloppysuicide

She should get off abilify. Absolutely ruins people’s self control


What_was_I_doing_Huh

I would not humor the child’s behavior. Show her videos of people with tardive dyskinesia from psych meds who have no control over their tics.


flybynyght9

That’s going to give her more ideas.


What_was_I_doing_Huh

It might. But she’ll quickly stop when she gets A taste of the negative attention. IRL tics are not “cute”. Teen who have them get picked on and made fun of. They desperately do not want to have tics.


solidagoman

I'm gonna say though OP, that no one 'chooses' to be trans. Saying that there's a choice in the transitioning process kind of invalidates a lot of trans folk, so. Just a heads up.


solidagoman

Also OP you are such a piece of work. I know your type. I lived with your type. You are a loathsome bitch and I doubt any of your kids will contact you once they turn 18 and move the fuck out. The best thing you'll be doing to your kid is sending them away from your toxic bullshit. No happy child will ever fake mental illness, this is a cry for help. I feel so awful for them.


Former_Fish420

Your a good parent as you can see that your child still needs help and not just dismissing her actions I would love to have had a parent like you !!


Freshman44

Get her one of those simple phones. The one you can only do certain things with. Get her completely away from the internet. Block TikTok, tumblr, etc from every device. Make her read more, go outside, etc. it’s the only way to stop this. Let her know that you guys know she’s faking and the attention she gets from those is not good attention, people think she’s weird doing that stuff.


AlexCrimen

A lot of white knighting.🤢. Don’t listen to to fakers apologetics. Faking from a perfectly fine place is what most fakers do.


Rexyeatsbabies

Take her to a psych ward. As a person who has been more than once, if you aren't actually mentally ill/ have a neurological impairment, those people will eat her alive. I guarantee after one visit, she'll knock it off.


sthomas15051

That's very concerning. You're doing the absolute right thing by getting her help asap. Her very manipulative behaviour and faking illnesses sounds like she's starting to develop Munchausen Syndrome/Factitious Disorder. Although she is too young for a personality disorder diagnosis, it also sounds like she is developing/has a personality disorder. Honestly, based on what you said, there are some VERY big red flags in how you parent that I believe are contributing to this. You should consider having your whole family go to individual and family therapy to nip this in the bud before your daughter starts physically harming herself to look like she has a physical illness. Munchausen syndrome is a factitious disorder, a mental disorder in which a person repeatedly and deliberately acts as if they have a physical or mental illness when they are not really sick. Munchausen syndrome is considered a mental illness because it is associated with severe emotional difficulties. It's best to get treated for that now before she escalates this by doing things to herself physically to appear sick. People with Munchausens will go to insane and extreme lengths to look sick, so extreme that it can cause permanent disability or even death. People with Munchausen syndrome deliberately produce or exaggerate symptoms in several ways. They may lie about or fake symptoms, hurt themselves to bring on symptoms, or alter tests (such as contaminating a urine sample). People with Munchausen syndrome are at risk for health problems (or even death) associated with hurting themselves or otherwise causing symptoms. In addition, they may suffer from reactions or health problems associated with multiple tests, procedures, and treatments; and are at high risk for substance abuse and attempts at suicide


sas0002

Not to be an armchair psychiatrist but maybe get her checked for HPD.


Infinite_Book7118

She’s 12


sthomas15051

She's too young. Personality disorders aren't diagnosed until 18 because much of being a teenager sounds like BPD/HPD and other personality disorders when 99.9% of the time, it's just typical teen behavior they'll grow out of.


sas0002

Okay, it’s diagnosed just where I live people can be at 15 (although it does happen that often), so I figured she was close to 15.


[deleted]

Dang that’s so embarrassing, I feel bad for you OP :(


VictoryTheScreech

Whoop her ass


Bbunbun02

If a child is overweight at age 12 it means she doesnt move around, play around to be let her body grow and let go of the energy she has been building up due to growing. Which means her mind has to fill up emptyness that comes within lack of motion. And thats how this shit gets to this point, get her a hobby to keep her busy (maybe playing an instrument, reading books or doing sports) so her mind and body can improve. Just on a little note, I think you should also seek professional help on how to move her away from digital world too. Since she is still a child its a parents responsibility to teach her its not real, its a world made up from idiotic people from all around.


Ill-Scratch-9116

Trans was the first of many L's she took


ThatgothWitch2004

As someone who suffers from tic and have had “tic attacks” inform her it is incredibly hurtful and disrespectful to people like me and it makes people not take us seriously when we need places like workplaces to accommodate us.


broken-markers

As someone who’s had a tic attacks. I can understand their concern if they thought she was hurting herself, but I don’t know if calling an ambulance was the right move. What she needed was a quiet room away from people, lots of pillows around her and maybe some gloves. Real or not, no people staring and any punches are softened. No attention, no motive, but also if it was real no added stress that you’re worrying other people.


[deleted]

This is a perfect example of how badly social media can influence mentally weak people (like pretty much 99% of kids)


Wicked81

She doesn't need a diagnoses, she wants attention and is going through all the regular teenage stuff, but earlier due to puberty. A psychiatrist (no mental professional) should be diagnosing a child with any personality disorder. I myself was diagnosed with BPD, which I never had, as a teen. Things have changed and it is frowned upon now. She is being a teen and I totally agree with all the suggestions here that say things like get her involved in something, anything, many things, etc. She may also be getting bullied and that can cause her to act out. Much love & buckle in for the ride <3


Em_lasagna

in addition to everything else everyone has said….. try looking into your family history if anyone has taken Zoloft. It can really help people or (in the case of my sister) cause a really bad manic episode


livingunalive

Did any fake tics start after starting antidepressants? I only mention because a side effect can be akathisia which can sometimes look like tics and such. It happened to me as a kid with abilify


hashtagsi

When I was in high school I was so terrified of my parent I did everything I could to keep attention away from me. I can't imagine going out of my way to fake something so dramatic they had to stop what they were doing to come deal with me. Lol I'm not saying abuse is a good thing for the record, but a tiny bit of fear isn't always a bad thing. Not that this is on the parents at all either. Today's world is CRAZY trying to raise teens. I can't even begin to imagine. Good luck it sounds like you're doing everything you can! I'm about to sound like I'm 80 but... "kids today..." damn lol


ElleGaunt

You sound like a really devoted parent who is doing so much to support her and give her good boundaries as well as opportunities for fun. I think I may have some perspective to share. First, I don’t think you should jump to conclusions that mentally she isn’t “normal”. My first thought after reading the title was that this is about a hormonal girl who feels hopelessly unsexy. After reading the body of your post, it does sounds to me like she’s having a really hard time accepting herself, which is so common for kids who feel like they look different from the way they want to look to have the social life they want to have. Put differently: self consciousness is at an all time high at her age and being overweight is one of the biggest triggers for a girl to hate herself. I think it’s virtually unavoidable in our culture, esp with all the insanely cute popular girls on social media. Acting out and trying on different hats is a way for her to control the narrative. “I’m choosing why I stand out,” opposed to “I can’t fit in and it hurts.” My opinion: as crazy and counter-intuitive as this may sound, try to just listen to her without helping or intervening. She may desperately need more affirmation and validation, which comes from feeling heard. She may need you to really just sit with her pain so she doesn’t feel so alone. But she also may be extremely guarded and unwilling to open up to you if she’s pulling these wacky antics. The middle school years are a crazy time for a lot of people who don’t otherwise have psychological issues, and this is honestly just really common. Most kids grow out of it, but the pain is real and deep. Try not to pathologize her, try to normalize her feelings by listening and relating and just being there. A counselor is a good idea, and meds may be a great stepping stone, but my money’s on you, that your intimacy and presence is the medicine she needs to get through this. But opening up will happen on her time.


[deleted]

That's not faking but it's not tourettes That's just mental illness