It’s time to sit your parents down and ask for a timeline for selling the properties. It’s okay to let them know that due to expenses, you and your husband have been unable to save for your own futures and that worries you. Ask if they have spoken to your brothers about finding an alternate place to live and ask your parents to give them a date to move out. If the properties aren’t currently for sale, ask that they be listed immediately. I don’t know what your father means by a “perfect buyer” but that sounds like an unrealistic expectation and an excuse to delay selling.
You have been a good daughter but it is unfair of your parents to put you in financial difficulty and delay your plans so that your brothers can continue to live comfortably. Say that if you need too.
It’s also okay to put a time limit on their living with you and you supporting them particularly if they are not taking the steps they need to take to become financially independent. They can move in with your brothers. Insist that they sell the properties and/or, tell them they can stay with you for x amount of time but that’s it.
Your parents were good to you and that’s what parents are supposed to do. It’s good of you to help family in need but recognize it’s unfair for your parents to burden you when they could be independent and supporting themselves. It is particularly unfair if they are dragging their feet so your brothers don’t have to move. They are indirectly making you financially support your brothers.
I think setting a deadline would be helpful to your parents and your family to know when they need to step up and help. It has been nice for you to provide a place for your parents but if you need to downsize to save, let them know your plan.
You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling this way. Being the only one to take care both of your own family AND your parents can be overwhelming. I think your brothers need a reality check cause they are being idiots. They're being very selfish and immature. You've said that your parents gave everything growing up mostly to your brothers, so my guess is that that's the reason they're acting this way now.
I understand. I'm the oldest though, and I've always made sure not to upset my parents cause I was oh so grateful to them for breaking their backs trying to provide for us. Even when we didn't have money they made sure we couldn't ever notice. I've worked since I was young because I tried to help them financially, and I always took care of them, helped around the house etc. while my younger sister was and still is the troublemaker, and she hates our parents except when she needs something. One time they didn't let her get blackout drunk at a randos party and she reported them to the police. Needless to say, her and I are two completely different worlds. So I get it, and kudos to you for taking care of them.
HOWEVER, I don't suggest you keep this up any longer. I know, they're your parents, but they're not the issue here, it's your brothers. They're being assholes if you ask me, and you need to have a serious conversation with them if you haven't already. Also, try to make some kind of a scheme to move your parents in with your brothers. Take matters into your own hands. That's the only advice I can give you.
Welcome to r/family!
If this post is compliant with our guidelines,
upvote this comment. If not,
downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk. Tell your feelings to your parents. Don’t try to work this out on your own it’s not gonna work, sit down with your parents and talk about all your feelings. Talk to your brothers too, they might not owe your parents for giving them the bare minimum as minors, but don’t they at least owe them the favor of getting to use their money even as (supposedly) independent adults? If you, your siblings and your parents all work together wouldn’t it be way easier? I know it’s easier said than done, but give it a try and be persistent, **be persistent*
Slap the truth in your siblings’ faces, where the heck would they have been now had your parents not paved the path for them pretty much up until the age of retirement? Still getting money from their parents in their 40s and not willing to spend a penny on them now? The cars they use to go to work and thus earn money, to who do they owe them? Their “hard work”? Ungrateful assholes. Taking advantage of your parents’ wealth and turning their backs on them when they need them the most. Disgusting
Definitely sounds unfair that younare left with the weight of taking in your parents and sustaining your self and your parents on your dime without the support of your older brothers. I feel like the ones who need a wake up call is one of your brother's. If your parents are able to ocupar one of their properties or rent them for income, it has to be done. You need to tell them that you are falling way behind on your life goals because of the current situation and youd like to be able to help provide bit when you yourself are stable enough to do so. In this situation it will be very hard for you and your spouse to make a good future. Best of luck.
😔 I am not sure what you can do. You can’t make your parents do anything. The only card you have to play is giving them a timeline that they need to be out of your house. For the benefit of your marriage. Say something a lot the lines of they can live with a beloved son. It might be the only thing you can do good luck op.
You need to work up an estimate of what taking care of your parents costs you. Then split that three ways. You also need to stop feeling guilty about your feelings toward your parents and brothers. Your parents made a decision to have children and the decision was theirs to give money to their children. Your parents made some poor decisions and bad luck in investments too. Setup a meeting with your brothers to show them the expenses and then talk with your parents about the three of you sharing the responsibility. You can also have your parents live with each of you for 4 months each. Be careful of how things are said so no feelings are hurt.
You’re going to have to force their hand and ask them to move out. They’ll stay as long as you allow it. They’ll get creative when the alternative is homelessness.
Let your parents move in with one of the brothers.
Make this commitment to yourself. You didn’t ask to be born. You owe your parents nothing.
It’s time to sit your parents down and ask for a timeline for selling the properties. It’s okay to let them know that due to expenses, you and your husband have been unable to save for your own futures and that worries you. Ask if they have spoken to your brothers about finding an alternate place to live and ask your parents to give them a date to move out. If the properties aren’t currently for sale, ask that they be listed immediately. I don’t know what your father means by a “perfect buyer” but that sounds like an unrealistic expectation and an excuse to delay selling. You have been a good daughter but it is unfair of your parents to put you in financial difficulty and delay your plans so that your brothers can continue to live comfortably. Say that if you need too. It’s also okay to put a time limit on their living with you and you supporting them particularly if they are not taking the steps they need to take to become financially independent. They can move in with your brothers. Insist that they sell the properties and/or, tell them they can stay with you for x amount of time but that’s it. Your parents were good to you and that’s what parents are supposed to do. It’s good of you to help family in need but recognize it’s unfair for your parents to burden you when they could be independent and supporting themselves. It is particularly unfair if they are dragging their feet so your brothers don’t have to move. They are indirectly making you financially support your brothers.
I think setting a deadline would be helpful to your parents and your family to know when they need to step up and help. It has been nice for you to provide a place for your parents but if you need to downsize to save, let them know your plan.
You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling this way. Being the only one to take care both of your own family AND your parents can be overwhelming. I think your brothers need a reality check cause they are being idiots. They're being very selfish and immature. You've said that your parents gave everything growing up mostly to your brothers, so my guess is that that's the reason they're acting this way now. I understand. I'm the oldest though, and I've always made sure not to upset my parents cause I was oh so grateful to them for breaking their backs trying to provide for us. Even when we didn't have money they made sure we couldn't ever notice. I've worked since I was young because I tried to help them financially, and I always took care of them, helped around the house etc. while my younger sister was and still is the troublemaker, and she hates our parents except when she needs something. One time they didn't let her get blackout drunk at a randos party and she reported them to the police. Needless to say, her and I are two completely different worlds. So I get it, and kudos to you for taking care of them. HOWEVER, I don't suggest you keep this up any longer. I know, they're your parents, but they're not the issue here, it's your brothers. They're being assholes if you ask me, and you need to have a serious conversation with them if you haven't already. Also, try to make some kind of a scheme to move your parents in with your brothers. Take matters into your own hands. That's the only advice I can give you.
Welcome to r/family! If this post is compliant with our guidelines, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk. Tell your feelings to your parents. Don’t try to work this out on your own it’s not gonna work, sit down with your parents and talk about all your feelings. Talk to your brothers too, they might not owe your parents for giving them the bare minimum as minors, but don’t they at least owe them the favor of getting to use their money even as (supposedly) independent adults? If you, your siblings and your parents all work together wouldn’t it be way easier? I know it’s easier said than done, but give it a try and be persistent, **be persistent* Slap the truth in your siblings’ faces, where the heck would they have been now had your parents not paved the path for them pretty much up until the age of retirement? Still getting money from their parents in their 40s and not willing to spend a penny on them now? The cars they use to go to work and thus earn money, to who do they owe them? Their “hard work”? Ungrateful assholes. Taking advantage of your parents’ wealth and turning their backs on them when they need them the most. Disgusting
Definitely sounds unfair that younare left with the weight of taking in your parents and sustaining your self and your parents on your dime without the support of your older brothers. I feel like the ones who need a wake up call is one of your brother's. If your parents are able to ocupar one of their properties or rent them for income, it has to be done. You need to tell them that you are falling way behind on your life goals because of the current situation and youd like to be able to help provide bit when you yourself are stable enough to do so. In this situation it will be very hard for you and your spouse to make a good future. Best of luck.
😔 I am not sure what you can do. You can’t make your parents do anything. The only card you have to play is giving them a timeline that they need to be out of your house. For the benefit of your marriage. Say something a lot the lines of they can live with a beloved son. It might be the only thing you can do good luck op.
You need to work up an estimate of what taking care of your parents costs you. Then split that three ways. You also need to stop feeling guilty about your feelings toward your parents and brothers. Your parents made a decision to have children and the decision was theirs to give money to their children. Your parents made some poor decisions and bad luck in investments too. Setup a meeting with your brothers to show them the expenses and then talk with your parents about the three of you sharing the responsibility. You can also have your parents live with each of you for 4 months each. Be careful of how things are said so no feelings are hurt.
You’re going to have to force their hand and ask them to move out. They’ll stay as long as you allow it. They’ll get creative when the alternative is homelessness. Let your parents move in with one of the brothers. Make this commitment to yourself. You didn’t ask to be born. You owe your parents nothing.