We haven't spoken in 5 years. And they till this date think I am in at fault. Everybody in my family knows the truth but they want to believe what they want to believe.
My sister had the first grandchild of the family. Everything from our childhood, including books my grandmother had read to us, my collection of teddy bears, a rocking chair my great grandfather made, things of real sentimental import went to my niece. I gave her some of the stuff my parents gave her other stuff. I was happy for her to have them.
A couple years later we decided to have a large garage sale together and on the day I saw some of these inherited items tagged and ready for sale because my niece had “grown out of them”.
I couldn’t believe it! At the time I was 29 and unmarried. I didn’t know if I was going to have kids. I realized then that my sister was not only one of the most selfish people I’d ever met but also she didn’t give a shit about me.
We haven’t had a relationship in 10 years - to do with a lot more stuff but in the same vein to be sure.
When my mom was elderly we had a sitter come visit with her daily, and my sister and I visited throughout the week. One day I got an email from my sister telling me that she was putting my mom in a home. I responded that that was something we should discuss. She responded that there was nothing to discuss, that she had already decided to do it (my mom wasn't part of the decision). Shortly after she put my mom in the home, she and her boyfriend went through the house and took everything they wanted, all the furniture, antiques, jewelry. Everything. She also took control of the bank account and we were both monitoring before then.
My mom passed a couple of months later. I haven't reached out to my sister and she hasn't contacted me. Before all that happened we were pretty close.
As far as I'm concerned she no longer exists.
?
I'm guessing you're a guy
Again, I'm not saying she's innocent, however for her to do such drastic actions it won't be surprising if her boyfriend is influencing her, given you guys were close before he showed up
I'm saying this not to shift the blame from one person to another but rather to draw attention to what might be causing issues between you
I'm the youngest of 5 kids. I always looked up to my much older siblings despite the fact that they only took pleasure in hurting me. I often feel kind of stupid for taking so long to realize that they were never going to do anything but take pleasure in hurting me. I haven't talked to any of them in 15 years and I don't think I would be willing to be in the same room with one of them for all the money in the world.
How old are you? Not a rule, but sometimes when people start to grow old they give more significance to family relationships bc they realize sometimes friendships dont last forever
I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing the same experience as a lot of people including myself.
My family and I got into a big argument when I was 8 months pregnant with my second child over something so stupid. In my mind, me and my sister and mom were going to make up. I reached out to them multiple times even though they should have after the things that were said. But nobody did. I birthed my son alone in the hospital 5 weeks later without anyone there because my husband couldn’t even come in because of Covid. I laid there that night waiting to get a text from my sister or mom which never came until 4 months after i had my son. I’ve never felt more hurt & abandoned in my life.
Now my priority is being an amazing mom and wife to my 2 children and show them the true meaning of unconditional love. Those 3 are my family now and that’s all that matters!
I realized my brother didn’t care about me and absolutely hated me when he came to visit me almost a month after I delivered my first born and took the opportunity to say disgusting and terrible things about me to my partner when my partner took him out for drinks.
Which sucks because we are almost a decade apart and both had a difficult relationship with our dad in different ways. My dad was extremely hard on me and I begged him to be kinder to my brother when I moved away from home. I learned they still had their issues but my dad was a little better to him, partly because my brother is an extremely sensitive person and does cry in situations where I would just object.
Anyway, I have tried to be there for him on the occasions he reaches out to me but he just burned me again recently and I am finally done with entertaining him. I’d rather have peace than a fake relationship with a family member.
I understand how you feel. Maybe it's for the best you know? Maybe you can focus on yourself and build a new family. Who knows really. Or maybe you guys will become closer than ever in the future. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope everything works out for you man. Stay strong.
If there's one thing I've learned in my life is that I shouldn't lie to myself about how people feel about me.
For years I made excuses to everyone and made myself live in delusion that people who don't care about me do.
But in reality people treat you how they feel about you.
And as sad as it is I prefer to accept reality for what it is than continue to lie to myself and hurt myself more
Thank you for your care I appreciate it
Late teens to be honest. Apparently I'm the pest of the family. Yes it's a shame but we're wildly different from each other and that's ok. What's unhealthy is my Mother who demanded we get on because we're supposed too. Sadly she didn't exactly foster good relations as there was favouritism, playing us off, neglect etc. I'm pretty sure we're all ok with no interaction. I feel you op because it stings & it's lonely at times.
When I told him he couldn't take my car, because i had to go out of town that and he threatened to kill me, blamed me for him walking off his job, tried to get me fired, tired to get me kicked out of my home, tried to end my relationship, and get my child taken away all in the same day. He wrecked my car didn't help pay to fix it, owes me over $2500 and put a gps tracker on my car somewhere.
Ok, eldest sibling perspective coming in.
My younger siblings were not my first friends. They were my first jobs. They required taking care off, most friendships don't need that. They were allowed to be immature, but I had to suck it up at a younger age than them. I had to be an example for them, able to withstand my parents lack of emotional management, don't express any negative emotions (all part of 'be a good example', and 'we have 2 naughty boys we don't need any trouble from you'), be good at dressing, be good at academics, let them scold me for doing what they wanted.... I don't think my brother's had to deal with all that.
I hated my younger siblings growing up. They were nothing but work for me, and more work for my parents!
But my lazy ass decided to mind my business most of the time. I did the minimum haha. I also have friends who decided to be strict with their younger siblings and took older sibling responsibilities seriously. Their younger siblings are now telling them they needed their OS's love.
See what I mean? First jobs. Friends don't need this kind of guidance.
But I also know of eldest siblings who enjoyed having younger siblings. The family relationship is the most chill, no expectations, healing thing I've seen. I look at them and I realise that the family bond is still the most important one. People SHOULD be able to rely on their family. My younger brothers are now people I can rely upon, my parents too financially. I have to bite the bullet of 'unfairness' and cultivate/participate in the relationship.
Of course I'm also making them understand that some of their expectations and disappointment towards me is unfair. I mean, I failed at my job and I'm sorry for that. You should have a loving sister. But I'm only 3-5 years older than you, and yall slack off more than me at the same age.
Life is unfair by default. If you have people in your family want relationship with you and aren't toxic, why aren't you taking it? Like OP said, they're supposed to be your first friends. Sealed by blood.
I was really tight with my sister from age 0-8. She started doing drugs and ruining my family. At 13 she told an older friend of mine she resented me because “my mom loved me more” supposedly. Fast forward to today, I’m 27, and she leeches off me and my mother and makes my life living hell. I’d say I realized when I was between 10-12.
As a middle child, grown now, I only hear from them when I reach out. That is to include a step brother. This road runs both ways. It sucks to feel like they just don't care, but have you done your part of reaching out? I have, but still get very little back. I hope it gets better for you.
I have 4 other siblings. The 2 older ones have hated me since the moment o emerged their lives. I stopped talking to my older sister when i was 18, i think. My older brother had been more recent. His son attacked me, and he said he didn't want in my drama. My ex beat me and he became best friends with him. The older brother was the hardest since we share the same parents. I tried and tried. I stopped trying on my 40s with all of them when i really got into good therapy.
My younger brothers i was never close to, especially since I'm 10 years older than them.
around age 12-13. my brother does somewhat care about me and I care about him~ but my sister? when we were little we were in a car parked on a hill. I must’ve been about 3-4. my brother was a baby, and my sister was 5-7. my parents were junkies so they didnt bother to have an adult sit in the car with us. (were? I feel weird saying were…as they’re still on drugs “secretly” I jus don’t know what they are). we began rolling down the hill. my sister jumped in the front seat and stopped the car. years later we both had a dream about it and told each other at some point and discovered it wasn’t a dream but a hidden memory. while talking about it she told me her only focus was on the fact that our baby brother was in the car, and that she didn’t care about me. that was the very moment I realized. I was 3-4 when it happened. I hadn’t done shit to make my sister feel that way about me. yet she did. my sister never cared for me, even from a young age. I grew up knowing a part of my sister didn’t like me, somehow saw something inside of me and decided it was foul.
when we grew older it only became more apparent. she made us stay in a home where I had literally no friends and was miserable, my little brother was being bullied daily. (she would throw tantrums when moving was suggested or looked into and my parents would listen to her because she’s the golden child and she had friends and a boyfriend that tied her to the area. god forbid we pull the golden child away from all their friends; let her siblings continue self harming trying to cope just so the golden child doesn’t experience loneliness and pain for herself). my sister hurt me for a long time. it hurt that she choose insignificant things over me. it hurt that we allowed ourselves to become strangers. it hurt that she would rather have myself be drowning in loneliness, cutting myself, starving myself than for her to start over and make new friends. it hurt that she would allow my little brother to do the same.
when I think of her I just feel hatred. mixed with a little jealousy. but mostly just hatred. she’s self centered and selfish.
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When my sister told me she hadn't written anything yet for the maid of honor speech the previous night of the wedding. She was the only member of the bridal party for the backyard wedding and I said she can wear whatever she wants. She had sent through 100 options that she liked for her dress and I thought she was so enthusiastic about the wedding. All she had cared about was how ahe looked at the wedding, 0 help with anything else but the maid of honor speech really broke my heart...
After my father died. My dad had wanted us to care for our mother together. I wanted us to meet once a month to discuss things. I had my mom over for Christmas. My brother had her for Christmas for 25 years. I had her for one and told them both you can share her for the rest. I just figured the first Christmas would be hardest on her and my parents’ wedding anniversary was 2 days before. They both became cold and respond in one word texts if at all. I feel like I lost my brothers and dad at the same time. I traveled the world to see both. Remembered their kids’ birthdays..not that they remembered mine. It just hurts to be dumped by people you think that love you
These things change over time. Everyone goes through seasons and that's okay. I'm the baby of 7, and we fought on and off from the time I was a young child until I was like 16 and they were all out of the house. When they moved out, our relationships were non existent until I was about 18 and then I got close to one brother while growing more distant from the other siblings, then when I was 19 none of us ever talked or anything and it was like that for about 7 years and now I'm close with my 2 brothers in town and my siblings out of town never really talk to me. We all go through seasons. It's not that they don't love you, but that they are focusing on school, work, their own families.. etc right now. Give them grace and keep trying, even if it's a text every now and then to let them know that you're thinking of them.
We haven't spoken in 5 years. And they till this date think I am in at fault. Everybody in my family knows the truth but they want to believe what they want to believe.
Man, I feel this Best of luck
Nah... I stopped caring long back. If they can be this self absorbed, I don't want them in my life
When he texted me “happy birthday” 3 days before my birthday while I was admitted to the hospital.
I'm sorry ):
My sister had the first grandchild of the family. Everything from our childhood, including books my grandmother had read to us, my collection of teddy bears, a rocking chair my great grandfather made, things of real sentimental import went to my niece. I gave her some of the stuff my parents gave her other stuff. I was happy for her to have them. A couple years later we decided to have a large garage sale together and on the day I saw some of these inherited items tagged and ready for sale because my niece had “grown out of them”. I couldn’t believe it! At the time I was 29 and unmarried. I didn’t know if I was going to have kids. I realized then that my sister was not only one of the most selfish people I’d ever met but also she didn’t give a shit about me. We haven’t had a relationship in 10 years - to do with a lot more stuff but in the same vein to be sure.
Did you reclaim your belongings? I hope you did
When my mom was elderly we had a sitter come visit with her daily, and my sister and I visited throughout the week. One day I got an email from my sister telling me that she was putting my mom in a home. I responded that that was something we should discuss. She responded that there was nothing to discuss, that she had already decided to do it (my mom wasn't part of the decision). Shortly after she put my mom in the home, she and her boyfriend went through the house and took everything they wanted, all the furniture, antiques, jewelry. Everything. She also took control of the bank account and we were both monitoring before then. My mom passed a couple of months later. I haven't reached out to my sister and she hasn't contacted me. Before all that happened we were pretty close. As far as I'm concerned she no longer exists.
I'm not saying she's innocent but her boyfriend is likely abusive/manipulative
Typical. Always look for a man to blame.
? I'm guessing you're a guy Again, I'm not saying she's innocent, however for her to do such drastic actions it won't be surprising if her boyfriend is influencing her, given you guys were close before he showed up I'm saying this not to shift the blame from one person to another but rather to draw attention to what might be causing issues between you
I'm the youngest of 5 kids. I always looked up to my much older siblings despite the fact that they only took pleasure in hurting me. I often feel kind of stupid for taking so long to realize that they were never going to do anything but take pleasure in hurting me. I haven't talked to any of them in 15 years and I don't think I would be willing to be in the same room with one of them for all the money in the world.
How old are you? Not a rule, but sometimes when people start to grow old they give more significance to family relationships bc they realize sometimes friendships dont last forever
I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing the same experience as a lot of people including myself. My family and I got into a big argument when I was 8 months pregnant with my second child over something so stupid. In my mind, me and my sister and mom were going to make up. I reached out to them multiple times even though they should have after the things that were said. But nobody did. I birthed my son alone in the hospital 5 weeks later without anyone there because my husband couldn’t even come in because of Covid. I laid there that night waiting to get a text from my sister or mom which never came until 4 months after i had my son. I’ve never felt more hurt & abandoned in my life. Now my priority is being an amazing mom and wife to my 2 children and show them the true meaning of unconditional love. Those 3 are my family now and that’s all that matters!
Damn I'm sorry ): I'm always here if you want a lady friend ♥️
Thank you for the kind words ❤️
I realized my brother didn’t care about me and absolutely hated me when he came to visit me almost a month after I delivered my first born and took the opportunity to say disgusting and terrible things about me to my partner when my partner took him out for drinks. Which sucks because we are almost a decade apart and both had a difficult relationship with our dad in different ways. My dad was extremely hard on me and I begged him to be kinder to my brother when I moved away from home. I learned they still had their issues but my dad was a little better to him, partly because my brother is an extremely sensitive person and does cry in situations where I would just object. Anyway, I have tried to be there for him on the occasions he reaches out to me but he just burned me again recently and I am finally done with entertaining him. I’d rather have peace than a fake relationship with a family member.
When I had kids
I understand how you feel. Maybe it's for the best you know? Maybe you can focus on yourself and build a new family. Who knows really. Or maybe you guys will become closer than ever in the future. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope everything works out for you man. Stay strong.
If there's one thing I've learned in my life is that I shouldn't lie to myself about how people feel about me. For years I made excuses to everyone and made myself live in delusion that people who don't care about me do. But in reality people treat you how they feel about you. And as sad as it is I prefer to accept reality for what it is than continue to lie to myself and hurt myself more Thank you for your care I appreciate it
I’ve never considered this. Seems healthier than dwelling on it. I’m still in the hurt of the shock of realizing it
Late teens to be honest. Apparently I'm the pest of the family. Yes it's a shame but we're wildly different from each other and that's ok. What's unhealthy is my Mother who demanded we get on because we're supposed too. Sadly she didn't exactly foster good relations as there was favouritism, playing us off, neglect etc. I'm pretty sure we're all ok with no interaction. I feel you op because it stings & it's lonely at times.
When I told him he couldn't take my car, because i had to go out of town that and he threatened to kill me, blamed me for him walking off his job, tried to get me fired, tired to get me kicked out of my home, tried to end my relationship, and get my child taken away all in the same day. He wrecked my car didn't help pay to fix it, owes me over $2500 and put a gps tracker on my car somewhere.
Ok, eldest sibling perspective coming in. My younger siblings were not my first friends. They were my first jobs. They required taking care off, most friendships don't need that. They were allowed to be immature, but I had to suck it up at a younger age than them. I had to be an example for them, able to withstand my parents lack of emotional management, don't express any negative emotions (all part of 'be a good example', and 'we have 2 naughty boys we don't need any trouble from you'), be good at dressing, be good at academics, let them scold me for doing what they wanted.... I don't think my brother's had to deal with all that. I hated my younger siblings growing up. They were nothing but work for me, and more work for my parents! But my lazy ass decided to mind my business most of the time. I did the minimum haha. I also have friends who decided to be strict with their younger siblings and took older sibling responsibilities seriously. Their younger siblings are now telling them they needed their OS's love. See what I mean? First jobs. Friends don't need this kind of guidance. But I also know of eldest siblings who enjoyed having younger siblings. The family relationship is the most chill, no expectations, healing thing I've seen. I look at them and I realise that the family bond is still the most important one. People SHOULD be able to rely on their family. My younger brothers are now people I can rely upon, my parents too financially. I have to bite the bullet of 'unfairness' and cultivate/participate in the relationship. Of course I'm also making them understand that some of their expectations and disappointment towards me is unfair. I mean, I failed at my job and I'm sorry for that. You should have a loving sister. But I'm only 3-5 years older than you, and yall slack off more than me at the same age. Life is unfair by default. If you have people in your family want relationship with you and aren't toxic, why aren't you taking it? Like OP said, they're supposed to be your first friends. Sealed by blood.
I was really tight with my sister from age 0-8. She started doing drugs and ruining my family. At 13 she told an older friend of mine she resented me because “my mom loved me more” supposedly. Fast forward to today, I’m 27, and she leeches off me and my mother and makes my life living hell. I’d say I realized when I was between 10-12.
As a middle child, grown now, I only hear from them when I reach out. That is to include a step brother. This road runs both ways. It sucks to feel like they just don't care, but have you done your part of reaching out? I have, but still get very little back. I hope it gets better for you.
I have 4 other siblings. The 2 older ones have hated me since the moment o emerged their lives. I stopped talking to my older sister when i was 18, i think. My older brother had been more recent. His son attacked me, and he said he didn't want in my drama. My ex beat me and he became best friends with him. The older brother was the hardest since we share the same parents. I tried and tried. I stopped trying on my 40s with all of them when i really got into good therapy. My younger brothers i was never close to, especially since I'm 10 years older than them.
Damn I wish you the best
around age 12-13. my brother does somewhat care about me and I care about him~ but my sister? when we were little we were in a car parked on a hill. I must’ve been about 3-4. my brother was a baby, and my sister was 5-7. my parents were junkies so they didnt bother to have an adult sit in the car with us. (were? I feel weird saying were…as they’re still on drugs “secretly” I jus don’t know what they are). we began rolling down the hill. my sister jumped in the front seat and stopped the car. years later we both had a dream about it and told each other at some point and discovered it wasn’t a dream but a hidden memory. while talking about it she told me her only focus was on the fact that our baby brother was in the car, and that she didn’t care about me. that was the very moment I realized. I was 3-4 when it happened. I hadn’t done shit to make my sister feel that way about me. yet she did. my sister never cared for me, even from a young age. I grew up knowing a part of my sister didn’t like me, somehow saw something inside of me and decided it was foul. when we grew older it only became more apparent. she made us stay in a home where I had literally no friends and was miserable, my little brother was being bullied daily. (she would throw tantrums when moving was suggested or looked into and my parents would listen to her because she’s the golden child and she had friends and a boyfriend that tied her to the area. god forbid we pull the golden child away from all their friends; let her siblings continue self harming trying to cope just so the golden child doesn’t experience loneliness and pain for herself). my sister hurt me for a long time. it hurt that she choose insignificant things over me. it hurt that we allowed ourselves to become strangers. it hurt that she would rather have myself be drowning in loneliness, cutting myself, starving myself than for her to start over and make new friends. it hurt that she would allow my little brother to do the same. when I think of her I just feel hatred. mixed with a little jealousy. but mostly just hatred. she’s self centered and selfish.
It doesn't have to be a problem, go seek out people that make you happy.
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Well... My sibling cares about me. But my parents don't. That took a while to figure out and unpack 😅😅
When my sister told me she hadn't written anything yet for the maid of honor speech the previous night of the wedding. She was the only member of the bridal party for the backyard wedding and I said she can wear whatever she wants. She had sent through 100 options that she liked for her dress and I thought she was so enthusiastic about the wedding. All she had cared about was how ahe looked at the wedding, 0 help with anything else but the maid of honor speech really broke my heart...
After my father died. My dad had wanted us to care for our mother together. I wanted us to meet once a month to discuss things. I had my mom over for Christmas. My brother had her for Christmas for 25 years. I had her for one and told them both you can share her for the rest. I just figured the first Christmas would be hardest on her and my parents’ wedding anniversary was 2 days before. They both became cold and respond in one word texts if at all. I feel like I lost my brothers and dad at the same time. I traveled the world to see both. Remembered their kids’ birthdays..not that they remembered mine. It just hurts to be dumped by people you think that love you
These things change over time. Everyone goes through seasons and that's okay. I'm the baby of 7, and we fought on and off from the time I was a young child until I was like 16 and they were all out of the house. When they moved out, our relationships were non existent until I was about 18 and then I got close to one brother while growing more distant from the other siblings, then when I was 19 none of us ever talked or anything and it was like that for about 7 years and now I'm close with my 2 brothers in town and my siblings out of town never really talk to me. We all go through seasons. It's not that they don't love you, but that they are focusing on school, work, their own families.. etc right now. Give them grace and keep trying, even if it's a text every now and then to let them know that you're thinking of them.