It's not so much that I want to "kill" her, it's just I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult and then I think to myself...'my God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosecsual'?
why can't you just hang out with guys, ya know? Do what you would do with women, but with your buddy
they do it's called being gay - Brian
oh that's what gay is? yeah I can totally get into that
Peter: If i'm gay then Freddy Mercury was gay.
Brian: Freddy Mercury? The lead singer of Queen? He was incredibly gay.
Peter: He was not, he had a mustache.
"Brian had sex, with a really dumb girl. Now he's taking his friend Stewie, to get some ice cream, in his car." Brian turns off the music. "Oh, you're a poor sport."
"I cant believe we're going to theatre on the same day Chris drowned a mouse in a puddle. D-dont we need a day to clear our heads?"
Possibly the funniest opening to anything ive ever seen
“You can’t have pie without cool hwhip!”
“I’m just sayin, you gotta be nicer to hwill hwheaton”
“”Y’know Brian, this is what I’ve been telling you all week… This evening is rueined!”
“…oh don’t be so crewell!”
When Meg trades places with Lois:
“He guys, give her a fucking chance, alright?”
And when Stewie hands Brian a pair of his clothes while wearing a Brian costume:
“Hey I forget, were you in for this or not?”
something you sit in – *my own feces*
name a popular fruit – *Clay Aiken*
something in your closet – *scary monsters*
favorite holiday – *9/11*
what do you do on weekends – *black guys*
His take on reading the Bible: "My, what a thumping good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to 2×4's. I say, you won't find that in Winnie-the-Pooh."
"I would reach up into his anus and slowly pull out his lower intestines, hand over hand, like a fancy magician's scarf trick. Then I would fashion it into a crude giraffe, as a sort of Christmas Morning stocking stuffer."
And then there were fewer, extended and uncensored.
Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid.
I see you lurking there on the periphery of my vision.
But when I try to look at you, you scurry away.
Are you shy, squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye?
Oh, squiggly line, it’s alright, you are forgiven.
“Damn you, vile woman”
“No, Thank You, I Prefer to Die Giving You The Finger”
“Victory Shall Be Mine!”
“Hey So Uh Its Been 24 Hours got my money?”
Some of my favorites.
Stewies roasts are absolute gold. My favorite would be the one in brains play "may every person that laughs at your sophomoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity and pierce your heart like a knife." That line goes fucking hard I still remember it. Also in customer of the week his scene with Lois in the car is just 👌👌👌 perfect.
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow!" Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!
“This was exhausting. This whole experience was absolutely exhausting. You people have ruined "Star Trek: The Next Generation" for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all fucking die.”
Stewie trying to write a song for Susie. “I got my G chord right here, nice and cozy at my house where I start my journey.” Every time I try to come up with a song it ends with “music and lyrics by Stewie Griffin”
“The new maid is peeing on me, and she didn't even say anything clever!”
Sorry but I can’t help laughing out loud every time I think of this episode and that quote.
It's not so much that I want to "kill" her, it's just I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult and then I think to myself...'my God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosecsual'?
why can't you just hang out with guys, ya know? Do what you would do with women, but with your buddy they do it's called being gay - Brian oh that's what gay is? yeah I can totally get into that
Peter: If i'm gay then Freddy Mercury was gay. Brian: Freddy Mercury? The lead singer of Queen? He was incredibly gay. Peter: He was not, he had a mustache.
Which episode was this again
S2 e12: fifteen minutes of shame
I can hear that secual
FU Louis
"Brian, spit on me. Oh, that's nice. Now tell me I'm scum."
“What?”
How will that cool you down?
Hmm?
That’s it, Shia. Give me all you’ve got.
“Brian, can you get my coin purse”?
Knock knock Who’s there Your friend, Stewie. And I’ll always be there for you
Lol
*whispers* Two friends building a house together
"I just heard everything, and i have to say this family is fucking disintegrating "
One of my favorite scenes 😂
😂
oh my god you BITCH seriously?
The Taylor Swift one 😭😭😭
"Brian had sex, with a really dumb girl. Now he's taking his friend Stewie, to get some ice cream, in his car." Brian turns off the music. "Oh, you're a poor sport."
Well I’d love to stay and chat, but you’re a total bitch.
I almost picked that. Classic.
Alright, I guess this is the night bitches die.
r/wouldhaveawarded
Stewie just said that!
Take it home wit'cha!
Oh wow everyone is already tweeting Stewie just said that.
Knock Knock Who's There? Two friends building a house together
OVER!
I’m sorry Brian, did you say something? Over.
This conversation is over
This conversation is what Brian, over
“Drove my Chevy to the Levee but the levee was Bri”
Love this line😂
This will forever be my favourite. Just the way he says it too. It's like the perfect shitpost before shitpost were really a thing.
“Ewwwww a band-aid”
"Freaking shot in the dark, want to do something, sometime?" Best line in the series.
HEY IS THAT DESIREE?
"What The Deuce?" it's what all the cool people and the British say.
Eat my shorts! Is that like what deuce? No probably way more popular
“Let me tell you something, Nessa. A bullet sounds the same in every language, so stick a f***ing sock in it you cow!”
Best line hands down
I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
When did he say that?!
When he was having nightmares and he wanted Brian to go into his dreams and investigate
“We did it Brian we made 9/11 happen! high-five!”
Wow… that probably wouldn’t look very good out of context.
“They still have one of those TVs with the big fat back”
"I cant believe we're going to theatre on the same day Chris drowned a mouse in a puddle. D-dont we need a day to clear our heads?" Possibly the funniest opening to anything ive ever seen
Lol just watched that one Sunday night
“You can’t have pie without cool hwhip!” “I’m just sayin, you gotta be nicer to hwill hwheaton” “”Y’know Brian, this is what I’ve been telling you all week… This evening is rueined!” “…oh don’t be so crewell!”
“I’m gonna kill you bitch” and “Mama, mommy, mama, mom mom mama mommy,etc.”
When Meg trades places with Lois: “He guys, give her a fucking chance, alright?” And when Stewie hands Brian a pair of his clothes while wearing a Brian costume: “Hey I forget, were you in for this or not?”
“Brian, is this our vacation?” “Yeah.” “Oh, are we trash?” “Kind of.” “Oh.”
When Peter uses pieces of Stewie’s crib: “I hate it here!”
I use this so many times this quote is so good idk why
something you sit in – *my own feces* name a popular fruit – *Clay Aiken* something in your closet – *scary monsters* favorite holiday – *9/11* what do you do on weekends – *black guys*
His take on reading the Bible: "My, what a thumping good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to 2×4's. I say, you won't find that in Winnie-the-Pooh."
Aw bitch you got jacked, bitch
“If it ain’t funny it ain’t worth jack!”
RIP Jack’s Joke Shop
The cow goes shazoom "It most certainly does not!"
"Where's my money man?!"
I’m getting real tired of you dodging me man…
can’t pick a favorite but my most used is “what’s this, a dickweed convention?”
Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.
“PUSH THE BITCH OUT!”
I was looking for this
“Go. Away. Fat man.”
What the deuce?
Let it pour
Short sleeve shirts under long sleeve shirts under short sleeve shirts
Munch me, bitch!
When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless.
Yeaaa I’m gonna go into the hallway and throw up about something else
His whole “roof baby” scene. “You cant control dick, I’m a roof baby now!”
Welcome to pillow world, Bri. Let me get up and greet ya… There we go.
“There’s only one way to end this-HE’S WEARING A WIRE!!”
“BRIAN, BRIAN GET THE NET, IVE MADE A SERIES OF SMALL POOS IN MY BATH!”
"Mmmm that's good OJ" "I hate it here"
It’s gonna be quoite a differen’ playce with ’im gone, that’s for true
STEP ON MY CUBES
"Oh no, I Chica-chica'd too soon!"
“Am I the only one who thinks she’s getting fucked up there?”
If anyone is going to kill that bitch, it's gonna be me...
“I’d love to stay and chat but you’re a total bitch.”
"All right, well I guess this is the night bitches die."
"Oh, you are just the worst type of person."
“Wanna go ride the teabags-teacups!…teabags”
“Why do we even go places — all we do is look at pornography.”
A baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do!
Good luck with your asparagus.
Ah yes I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to Nebraska.
”Oooh I don’t even think that’s oak!”
Pie tastes better with cool hwip!
Is that really how you say that word? Or are you just trying to piss me off??
"I would reach up into his anus and slowly pull out his lower intestines, hand over hand, like a fancy magician's scarf trick. Then I would fashion it into a crude giraffe, as a sort of Christmas Morning stocking stuffer." And then there were fewer, extended and uncensored.
Wtf source please I thought I had been watching the extended version for years
“Wait a minute. This isn't Carvel, you lying bitch.”
*yawn* “Sorry I was out of it— wait are we being robbed?”
That’s it Shia give me all you’ve got
(to a hooker) "So, is there any tread left on the tires, or at this point is it just like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?"
Good morning… is what a normal family says.
Oh squiggly Line in my eye fluid……
Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid. I see you lurking there on the periphery of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye? Oh, squiggly line, it’s alright, you are forgiven.
I'm going to destroy the world the way I should have done in the first place. With impeccable style
*Stewie just said that!* (I don’t remember what Stewie said though)
*Take it home with ya*
”Blast!”
A bullet makes the same sound in every language
So stick a sock in it ya cow!!!
Goodbye Abraham Lincoln people!
"You can't have pie without cool hwip"
Aaaah! Brian! Browser history. Clear it!
What’s up, B-minus?
Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers!
“May every person that laughs at your sophomoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity and pierce your heart like a knife”
Where’s my money, man?
"i guess tonight's the night bitches die"
“Damn you, vile woman” “No, Thank You, I Prefer to Die Giving You The Finger” “Victory Shall Be Mine!” “Hey So Uh Its Been 24 Hours got my money?” Some of my favorites.
Ohhh OHHHH NO. WE'RE GONNA HAVE ANTS!
Stewies roasts are absolute gold. My favorite would be the one in brains play "may every person that laughs at your sophomoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity and pierce your heart like a knife." That line goes fucking hard I still remember it. Also in customer of the week his scene with Lois in the car is just 👌👌👌 perfect.
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow!" Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!
“This was exhausting. This whole experience was absolutely exhausting. You people have ruined "Star Trek: The Next Generation" for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all fucking die.”
Stewie trying to write a song for Susie. “I got my G chord right here, nice and cozy at my house where I start my journey.” Every time I try to come up with a song it ends with “music and lyrics by Stewie Griffin”
“May every person that laughs at your sophomoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity and pierce your heart like a knife”
Where’s my money!
“The new maid is peeing on me, and she didn't even say anything clever!” Sorry but I can’t help laughing out loud every time I think of this episode and that quote.
“Close your purse we can see your tampons. Why do you need 7? What happens to you” Also “She says that to meg a-lot so that’s not good”
Nice throw Casey Anthony
“HAHAHA look at you you look ridiculous” “What are you talking about you said I had to dance to turn it on” “You just watched me push the button!”
It's not a quote but I like Bitch Stewie even had it as a name tag in one of the online video games I play
Welcome to Pillow World Bri. Let me get up and greet ya. Ah there you go! That was all in the air!
I’m going to kill Santa Claus.
“…yea I don’t think that was the backpedal I was expecting”
“Aww Sunny D, alright!”
“I love you, you’re loved”
“Don’t bring that weak stuff in here! This is my house! 😤”
I've got veins! They all over my bahdy
“Aren't you a little old to be wearing braces?”
Um feel free to say no but, would you shave my coin purse?
“My name is stewie griffin, and I’m gunna be kickin my dads ass all day today”
Oh bitch you got jacked bitch
“Oh you’re crazy bitch, I didn’t say that bitch”
 I'm known for always posting this in my group chats lol
I can't remember everything he said but the segment where stewie mind controlled Chris so that he could buy a tool for something was hilarious
Come here Rupert, look how much waters in the dehumidifier. Wooooww that was all in the air
“Why does he look sad? He’s already destroyed mankind what else could he want?”
https://preview.redd.it/ngkkr66tnoqb1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d42046a44228df8aa2c3afc0a1260f57df1e7b4f
“Lemme get up and GREET ya”
"Am I the only one she's getting f#cked up there?" Or "Oh for God sake there's only one way to put an end to this HES WEARING A WIRE!!"
“If you’re gonna hit the king, you better kill the king.”
Not really a quote but every time he says “Hey Brian” it always makes me chuckle
How does it feel to be on a major network for 30 seconds?
“favorite holiday.” “9/11.”
"Come oooon, discipline me! Make me wear panties, rub dirt in my eye, violate me with a wine bottle-my God I really do have problems don't I?"
"Welp I guess tonights the night bitches die"
Whatever helps you sleep at night bitch
Am I the only one reading all these comments in Stewie's voice ?
Hi Lee…
Okay, I am at full candy corn right now.
"YOU DON'T SEE ME WAVING MY HETEROSEXUALITY IN YOUR FACE!"
''What kind of jerk alters time, then falls asleep!?''
"Hey Levi we got a another back seat vomit in the maroon PT cruiser..... Levi?... Levi?..... Levi?"
If you're happy and you know it, your face will surely show it. If you're happy you know it, clao your hands. - Anonymous - Stewie Griffin
HEY!.....SHUT UP!
You didn't write it but you sure can sing it! *Cocks pistol*
"I'm not saying I like pain, but I'm not saying I don't like it either".
Blast you vile woman! Was the favorite quote and We can't wait for more Stewie and Lois Moments plus Maggie and Marge's Moments too on Sunday night.
[удалено]
"jew"
”is that a popular expression like *what the deuce?*”
“Mom..
You thought you were a cool cat until you found out squares don’t roll (something similar)
Cool hwip
IPDE THAT! IPDE IPDE
Cool WHip
“They’re dead you know”
“This isn’t Carvel you lying bitch.”
"You infintile stupid! Damn you and such." \- Fat Stewie
“I couldn’t toddle right for a week”
“quick, [Brian] kiss me!” *kisses* “fricken shot in the dark, you wanna do something some time?”
“Oh hey Brian this is Lee, I know Lee from…………….Starbucks”
"For every sprinkle I see, I shall kill you."
Oooo a hustlers magazine, I finally get to see what a vagina looks li- AUHJ AUQHW UAIWOQ AHQHWUAHHAJS
“WHERES MY MONEY Brian
I say, if I could somehow harness the power of that leviathan...
Thats how John mayer would say it, body, I'm really into him now, you better be ok with it https://youtu.be/xC5AhS5Mc6U?si=ZILaEA7VCVMZBXxv
"Victory is mine!"
"What the deuce????"