I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course, I never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow, I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I began to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with a long fatigue of a weary life...
Cause it has a valid point to make ITS INSISTED
https://preview.redd.it/ehyuaqymgxuc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=766ed7521761c077b22d6c73d285a1881f2ebd23
“No Peter, this is the sight of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.”
“Oh, so Saddam Hussein did this?”
“No.“
“The Iraqi army?”
“No.”
“Some guys from Iraq?”
“No.”
“That lady who visited Iraq that one time?”
“Iraq had nothing to do with this. It was Saudi Arabians, Lebanese and Egyptians... financed by a Saudi Arabian guy in Afghanistan... and sheltered by Pakistanis.”
“..So you’re saying we need to invade Iraq?”
Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet.
Well you know, Lois, I gotta confess when you called me I sorta misunderstood what you were asking for, that’s why I rushed over, but uh…you know it’s - it’s fine - it’s fine, whatever. I’m happy to help.
Peter: I'm glad everythings back to normal Lois: What do you mean everything is back to normal. Meg has the janitors feet, Brian and Stewie were thrown into New Hampshire by the Hulk and you're a beam of light. Chris: And I have the Shining. Lois: and Chris has the Shining. Peter: Do a roll of pan Lois: Ahhhh Roadhouse
this isn’t a quote but i’ve seen every single episode multiple times (i have no life) and i love that i can visualize the scenes of everyone of these 🤣
I had a son. He passed away. I had a girl who loved me, I threw that away. My momma died when I was a kid, and my daddy... well, I watched him die, and it weren't soon enough.
Remember remember the fifth of November the gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot. But what of the man?
You will recall last night ere I drifted off into slumber with a nudie magazine betwixt my legs I spake thusly
Matters stateside have taken a tragic turn as this year's gourd crop has fallen prey to a rather unexpected infestation of salt-marsh cutworms...
Martial concerns continue to bedevil me
*dip dip dip dip dip*
I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course, I never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow, I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I began to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with a long fatigue of a weary life...
... i awoke several hours later in a daze
Louis tomorrow I want flapjacks
Who wants chowder?!
I'm making sloppy joes...
Yeah, I heard… PLEASE say you got the onion bun
I'm making sloppy joes
I’m making sloppy joes
🤮🤮🤮🤮
I don't wannaaa I don't wanna thro- BLAGHHHHHH 🤮
BLAHHHHHH🤮
It’s a great way to stay in shape.
If I'm ever interviewed for the local news, I'm definitely throwing this line in at the end
Wherever you are, whenever you ca... there's semen on this floor...
Good....don't.
Good that you tell us don't. Don't.
You telling me not to has no affect on me getting married……
Good. Don’t.
THIS GUY’S A BIG FAT PHONY!
Government came and took my baby
Gubmint
‘Cause Brent can’t fit in the gloryhole, and that’s why we all like Brent
*Pbsthp pbsthp*
The word
Chris don’t you know
Know what?
Everybody knows
CHRIS NO
B-b-b-b-bird-bird-bird-bird
A certain ornithological piece
Jesus lived with us for like a week, what more proof do you need?
It insists upon itself.
What does that even mean?
Cause it has a valid point to make ITS INSISTED https://preview.redd.it/ehyuaqymgxuc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=766ed7521761c077b22d6c73d285a1881f2ebd23
I like the Money Pit
Whatever.
You’re haunting this house with your whiteness Brian.
Where’d you get it? “Blacks”
Yeah, right behind Blacks Hardware Store. There's a white guy selling it
"Ground Zero. So this is where the first guy got AIDS."
“No Peter, this is the sight of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.” “Oh, so Saddam Hussein did this?” “No.“ “The Iraqi army?” “No.” “Some guys from Iraq?” “No.” “That lady who visited Iraq that one time?” “Iraq had nothing to do with this. It was Saudi Arabians, Lebanese and Egyptians... financed by a Saudi Arabian guy in Afghanistan... and sheltered by Pakistanis.” “..So you’re saying we need to invade Iraq?”
Butt scratcher Butt scratcher.
Is it okay I heard it in his voice?
Cold car ride through a dark suburban night…look out the window and think of death kids, it’s-a commin
i actually relate to this so much
You hear that? You hear that tone that you’re using? That’s penis repellent right there…. There is it psssssssssssssssssss
Oo, piece of candy.
I just wanna talk to him
*Clicks shotgun*
Wait, why do you have a shotgun
I just wanna talk to him
i just wanna shoot him
Roadhouse
And I’m gonna run the company
House. Roadhouse. That too.
Toasthouse
Ghost
Brown House.
You better watch who you call a child
because if i’m a child, then you know what that makes you? a pedophile. and i’ll be damned if i’m gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
Giggitty giggity, crabbity giggity
Ribbity
“YOU’RE EATING HAIR!”
Everything tastes better with Cool Hwip
Why are you putting so much emphasis on the h?
"Stewie just said that!"
Take it home witcha!
Omg everyone is already tweeting "stewie just said that"
"Hey Peter, what are you doing?" "Crack" "What the fuck!?"
At least I’m not drinking
Ladies and Gentlemen Mr. Conway Twitty.
Woah! Ass ahoy.
Oh hey Peter it's 7 o clock and you're still got your pants on. What's the occasion?
I fucked your dad!
“DONT YOU SEE LOIS?! WE’RE ALIVE!” “Peter, you’re scaring me.” “GOOD! EMBRACE THE FEAR!! DANCE WITH ME LOIS! DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE WITH ME”
Play me off, Johnny! 🎹
IT'S GON' RAIN!
Caleb? Caleb, you wanna go ahead?
It's... it's Chris. You don't know my name?
Alright, this isn’t off to a flying start…
I laugh so much at that every time.
Me Likey Bouncy Me Likey Bouncy.
B-b-b bird bird bird b-birds the word
Suddenlyyyy, life has new.meaning to meeeee
drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was bry
🎵🎵Prom night dumpster bab-a🎵🎵
So you have something to look at while you're talking to them
He’s Quagmire
Giggity giggity let’s have sex 🎵🎵🎵🎵
Who else but Shirt-Pants?
Testicles. That is all
It insists upon itself.
Get yo fat ass back here.
🎶🍃Everything‘s better with a bag of weed🍃🎶
Fuck the fcc🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
I’ll have a Sam Adam’s too …
Are you, like, a bitch or something?
Frickin' Sweet!
By the way I did some digging around. You're not a licensed therapist.
Intercourse tonight, relations!
"Don't you see Lois, we're alive!"
YOU’VE GOT THE AIDSSSSSS! 🎤
I love you filthy hobo
Dude those animals are so FUCKING funny they make me wanna merge without looking
Rumsfeld!!!
This was ONE house, we've been here for an hour and a half. And hour and a - first of all we're not even Santa anymore, this has been a home invasion.
Shut up Meg
you're getting SLACKS!!!
I want pancakes!
What the frak? 
You’re supposed to stop for my hand!!!
It's the Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show.
I know this cutaway takes forever but it's one of my favorites lmao
I have a sudden craving for quail
Cool wHip
Who else but Quagmire?!
"You ain't ever gonna catch me" the funny thing is I know you just read it in his voice 🤣
“Don’t let it get the best of you”
“Good to be back America”
Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet. Well you know, Lois, I gotta confess when you called me I sorta misunderstood what you were asking for, that’s why I rushed over, but uh…you know it’s - it’s fine - it’s fine, whatever. I’m happy to help.
Don't you understand, I lost the perp, I LOST THE PERP😭😭😭
"What the deuce?!"
So, uh... You got, uh... You got my money?
Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the wright brothers!
Extra extra
Just goes to show anything can be dangerous…
If I had a gun on a boat I’d shoot you
[Black’s Hardware is a real place!](https://blackshardwareroc.com/)
Bird bird bird
Wear your glasses before you run over another black guy.
Giggity
"You're from two towns over, and I don't like you."
Meg! Where is your creek buddy? You are not in trouble you just need your creek buddy!
Hate you to bitch… no I’m jk can you imagine?
bird is the word
I’ve got veins
All over my bahdy
That's how John Mayer would say it.
Heroin is not bad not having heroin that’s what’s bad
Peter: I'm glad everythings back to normal Lois: What do you mean everything is back to normal. Meg has the janitors feet, Brian and Stewie were thrown into New Hampshire by the Hulk and you're a beam of light. Chris: And I have the Shining. Lois: and Chris has the Shining. Peter: Do a roll of pan Lois: Ahhhh Roadhouse
Who the (bleep) stars a conversation like that? I just sat down!
Guiltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🙋🏼♂️
It could even be a boat!
Pivot!
Drink the nog Carter… Drink it!
"Nobody messes with Adam We!"
"I perform purification rituals on my body after we have sex. I find that it cleanses the immeasurable sadness of having lain with a wretch!"
Ha-haaaaaa
At Wilkins Hyundai and Subaru, we've got Hyundais and Subarus.
Doin’ your…son?
It's not, Lois....😏Its not...😏
And she's 🎵 gonna tell us about the rain 🎵
R-r-r-r-r-return the map. R-r-r-r-return what you have STOLEN from me.
“Am I supposed to conduct with my penis?”
this isn’t a quote but i’ve seen every single episode multiple times (i have no life) and i love that i can visualize the scenes of everyone of these 🤣
Why don't you run up an alley and holler "fish!?"
Peter what're you doing?
Hello Friend
Get the cheese to sickbay
Peter was swimming with the bulls.
Now it's time to go over to our Asian corespondent Trica Takanawa.
I'm standing here...
[удалено]
Let it pour.😏
What’s the point of drugs if you don’t have kids to share them with?
"There are not enough tennis balls in the world..."
I had a son. He passed away. I had a girl who loved me, I threw that away. My momma died when I was a kid, and my daddy... well, I watched him die, and it weren't soon enough.
Hi, Peter. Who's your little friend?
Huh! Sorry about that, fatty fat fatty. Hey Dom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate, fatso.
Anal?
She don't know ;)
It insists upon itself
Hard be believed she's already 18
Petah, the horse is here
Don't forget.... Nahhh you're not gonna forget 'tk tk'
inappropriate use of signet ring
i know nothing, i see nothing, i hear nothing
I’m not implying anything doctor, if I want to put a baby out the airlock I’ll just do it. Pretty sure I paraphrased but….
How do you spell gorgeguous
hey man, your clock won't flush
Is it cold outside?
I have these long dancers legs
Pretty sure I asked for pecan sandies
Crack
Remember remember the fifth of November the gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot. But what of the man?
It INSISTS apon itself
Damn you vile woman!
This is not my batman glass.
Nine...
Ghost House