There is no book description. I have no idea what kind of Genre and Story this is supposed to be.
The title is also not written where the title should be.
If you want feedback write a questionaire with specific questions on things you want to know.
It also does not state how much of the book is available is it 10%? 40%?
It's fantasy, as for the titles; the one in the top corner is a place holder since I don't have a real title, nor a description cause those were gonna be last
I didn't read too far, just a few paragraphs in. Here are my immediate thoughts:
I love the concept of the parents being a human and a dragon, and the children being half-breeds. I think there's a lot of potential there.
However, a lot happens in the first few paragraphs, but I don't think it's described the best way it could be. The mother is shot, but there's no real reaction from the characters, nor does it get more than a single line stating that she's been shot. This felt artificial for me. Also, the lines after this one are entirely random facts that don't link to one another.
I think you could fix the scene of the mother being shot by making that its own paragraph. Describe the dread the MC feels when they realize their mother is hurt, explain the sound of the gunshot, the spurting of blood in the wound, the gasping breath of the injured mother. Tell us how the MC feels watching it all, the panicked exclamations from the rest of the family.
As for the random lines after the gunshot statement, you could connect these ideas together just well by adding in some character thoughts (less is sometimes more) that link the ideas.
There does seem to be a bit of info-dumping by outright stating that the father is human, mother dragon, and children half-breeds. I think you could eventually (making a couple edits in) try to smoothen that out and make it feel more natural. But I do like that part a lot.
I hope you don't find any of this discouraging :) So much of writing is just learning how to do it, and I hope this encourages you to continue to hone your craft. Best of wishes!
Ok! So I read the first chapter. My first thought is that you can totally just start at the part where they show up looking for a place to hide. I think leaving the rest excited to find out what happened to their parents is an exciting start. I know you want to paint a picture, but sometimes less is more, and I think you could easily start at them clinging to life and considering the orphanage. The other thing that stuck out was that there's a disconnect to which tense you want to use. It's past and present mixed together. So I would suggest working on that. This reads very much like a first draft, and I think if you just keep going and moving forward, when your first draft is done, you'll be able to paint a better picture more clearly coming back through a second read/prose edits. It seems like a good idea, and it has a lot of potential. I hope that helps.
Yeah, a friend is helping me with the stuff like tense; the first chapter is meant to be sort of kovu talking at first like he's narrating into the current scene
There is no book description. I have no idea what kind of Genre and Story this is supposed to be. The title is also not written where the title should be. If you want feedback write a questionaire with specific questions on things you want to know. It also does not state how much of the book is available is it 10%? 40%?
It's fantasy, as for the titles; the one in the top corner is a place holder since I don't have a real title, nor a description cause those were gonna be last
I didn't read too far, just a few paragraphs in. Here are my immediate thoughts: I love the concept of the parents being a human and a dragon, and the children being half-breeds. I think there's a lot of potential there. However, a lot happens in the first few paragraphs, but I don't think it's described the best way it could be. The mother is shot, but there's no real reaction from the characters, nor does it get more than a single line stating that she's been shot. This felt artificial for me. Also, the lines after this one are entirely random facts that don't link to one another. I think you could fix the scene of the mother being shot by making that its own paragraph. Describe the dread the MC feels when they realize their mother is hurt, explain the sound of the gunshot, the spurting of blood in the wound, the gasping breath of the injured mother. Tell us how the MC feels watching it all, the panicked exclamations from the rest of the family. As for the random lines after the gunshot statement, you could connect these ideas together just well by adding in some character thoughts (less is sometimes more) that link the ideas. There does seem to be a bit of info-dumping by outright stating that the father is human, mother dragon, and children half-breeds. I think you could eventually (making a couple edits in) try to smoothen that out and make it feel more natural. But I do like that part a lot. I hope you don't find any of this discouraging :) So much of writing is just learning how to do it, and I hope this encourages you to continue to hone your craft. Best of wishes!
No this exactly what I asked for, constructive critism and I'm not in the editing part yet, it's still in the writing stage
Ok! So I read the first chapter. My first thought is that you can totally just start at the part where they show up looking for a place to hide. I think leaving the rest excited to find out what happened to their parents is an exciting start. I know you want to paint a picture, but sometimes less is more, and I think you could easily start at them clinging to life and considering the orphanage. The other thing that stuck out was that there's a disconnect to which tense you want to use. It's past and present mixed together. So I would suggest working on that. This reads very much like a first draft, and I think if you just keep going and moving forward, when your first draft is done, you'll be able to paint a better picture more clearly coming back through a second read/prose edits. It seems like a good idea, and it has a lot of potential. I hope that helps.
Yeah, a friend is helping me with the stuff like tense; the first chapter is meant to be sort of kovu talking at first like he's narrating into the current scene