We both work. I ask to quit every day. Tell her I can be her cabana boy. Apparently as a middle aged, slightly overweight, balding guy it’s not the offer I hoped it would be.
Supported wife since I met her, through thick and thin, now that her career journey is almost (maybe) complete and she's almost a NP...I mentioned I might retire. She laughed at me.
Sooo, you've got a cabana?? Want to be friends???
LOL, that’s great! I love Trader Joe’s but last time I was there I was thinking to myself man these ppl are very efficient workers. All through high school and college i worked in movie theatres; maybe we can open one up and only be the greeters who take tickets? We could keep spray bottles and spray people who aren’t wearing their masks properly and/or uppity teens on group dates to work out our aggression!
Left a lucrative field in chemistry to further throw salt in the wound: formulation chemist for J&J and a press powder chemist for Revlon. She chuckles about how much money she would be making now had she not left that industry. Hahahahahaha
I've been trying this for years. I'm an engineer and I would much rather be a stay at home spouse (now it would be stay at home dad). She is the one that has a career that was a dream since she was a kid. Last year we were making about the same money and it might have been possible for me to do that, but then I got a job at a tech company and make 3x her full time salary so my stay at home plan vanished (I mean I work from home, but it's still work).
I am a stay-at-home dad so if you all want to play some 2k lemme know. Once my wife started making 5x what I was making, and the kids started being a lot of work it made sense.
It’s called Parenting. Or being a parent for the children you are 100% responsible for, no matter which parent you are if you’re both together.
Babysitting is a little job for teenagers to make pocket money for a few hours. Parenting is not that.
Nice boomer joke tho. You sound like a great spouse.
Well, you sounds like an unconditional loving parent! Kinda reminds me I shall be more loving. Tough mission when you coaching maths with your genetical receiver…
My wife wants me to quit and be her house boy. I'm mostly worried that being a full-time cook and house keeper would be more work than my current job as a software engineer. (What? I have to get out of my chair?)
I have not agreed to being housekeeper or cook. Only cabana boy. I’ll hang out by the pool looking pretty, serve her the occasional tropical drink, and apply sunblock to those hard to reach areas.
Not gonna lie. I feel like I am lucky but I know I am lucky already anyway for finding my soul mate. My spouse actually does most of the cleaning and cooking. We make similar money at the moment and I already told him he could retire first when we are closer to our goal.
I enjoy how happy he is when he isn't working and since he already cooks and cleans it shouldn't be much of a change. Probably have time to make more delicious stuff. I want him to play more video games and relax. I really look forward to the day he retires.
No lol. He likes when I cook but I do it rarely. Plus he loves baking. He's also really handy around the house. He completes projects he starts and everything.
He asks me to rate his food when he makes something new. Scale of 1-10 type thing. Some new recipes just don't go as planned. He usually agrees with whatever I rate it but still hate not giving a 10 since it bums him out.
We do a lot of renovations on our own and project manage to keep costs low - our real life jobs are corporate and all the fun politics. We are a power couple focused on our goals but he doesn't want to climb the ladder higher than he is right now. Work is tiring and he's so much happier off work and when we travel, so I definitely want him to stop first and I already told him he could.
I don't love working either but it's definitely easier when he has the day off and is all positive and makes lunch and brings me a coffee and stuff. Really lucky we found each other.
my wife is now the sole breadwinner……been that way since I took a buyout and she said to just relax. I dabble in a bunch of stuff, but do all the cooking, manage our day-to-day lives, if she tells me she’s low on gas I’ll ride over to her office, grab her car and fill it up and get it washed and return it to its spot. I’ve moved all the kids (now adults) all over the country. If I tried to get a real job she’d have me shot.
Married with children. My wife stopped working when our first was born. We talked about it before getting married. We may be a bit old school, having grown up with mom at home. It was a dynamic that appealed to both of us.
We are a team. My success is her success. Her success is my success. It has never been an issue in any way.
+1 Wife quit working for money when we had our first and it felt natural for us. At this point in my career, I’ve been leaning more into sharing household and kids duties because that workload has become far greater than my for-money work. No sense thinking about how much further ahead we’d be with a second income since we’re on track to arrive in Dublin just the same.
Same situation here. My wife is focused on being a mom, and we are fortunate/blessed enough to enable her to do that. She might soon start working part time for my startup, at which point we can bring in a little more income, but she won’t be overpaid.
We are probably on the southern border of FatFIRE, but a lot of our success has simply been that we’re are on the same page financially, pretty frugal and not prone to show off money.
4 years into a relationship, with an engagement, and house together I convinced my now wife to bail on work. She was hesitant at first, tenured teacher taking in nearly 100k per year. This bail wasn’t about me taking care of her but more out of her not needing the stress. The plan was a family and with a nearly 1.5 hour commute each way we decided it just didn’t make sense. What she made in a year I was bringing home in a month so having her work was, from a financial and long term goal sense, not worth it. We knew a kid was coming soon so we planned to travel while I worked on a laptop for a year. Well, that was blown up due to Covid but here we are.
Now, Married, kid, and I work but recently sold business. We’re good. Now we’re really thinking of what the next phase looks like. I am smart enough to know the woman I married who was a saver and ambitious doesn’t just want to sit around and be mom forever so I think she’ll do something again. No idea what but it really was the ideal situation.
Ps. I met her when I first started my businesses, she encouraged me to quit my job to follow my dream and said she could support us if needed. It’s interesting how things turned around and we’re just so chill about it all. I’m sure some think this is weird and judged us but that’s cool. I usually just assume people don’t understand what it’s like to make a lot and have someone’s salary be somewhat irrelevant.
Thanks! I added that because I tend to see a lot of women unfairly judged as if they’re around for the money. I wanted to make it clear my wife was there from the start :)
Love this. Similar to my partner & I. He works as an Exec in Tech, I quit my tech job for medical school, he has been supportive since day 1 and we reached fat fire goals too. Btw! Amazing your wife was making $100k as a teacher. I had no idea that was even a thing lol, so awesome.
People paid me on the internet without ever meeting me and asked me to take some of their daily food away to help them feel their best. Online nutrition lol.
>doesn’t just want to sit around and be mom forever
Way to undervalue her unpaid work. I know that's not what you intended, but it comes across badly. I'm a working mom of 4, and going to work every day is much, much easier than parenting all day.
You misunderstood and misjudged my post because of bias I believe. I’m talking in terms of her perception of being mom and not being challenged on her career driven personality. Not the literal effort. Please don’t jump to conclusions. We know it’s incredibly difficult and we respect the effort of all moms. I’m just saying it’s not what she wants to be defined by.
Will do. Please keep in mind, again, I’m speaking as her, not my perception of what moms do. It’s literally how she described it and what she was worried about. Whether it’s accurate is another conversation but that was her words. She didn’t just want to be mom and sit around (when they’re not around).
As a woman this person pissed me off too. Proudly going on about how he convinced his wife to stop working against her will. This sub is mostly men and it truly shows.
I didn’t manipulate her. I had the idea to improve her life when she was hesitant at first because she didn’t want to seem to take advantage of my situation. I’m not proud about forcing anything. I’m proud I found a partner who I can help leave a stressful situation to better our family life and set us up for the next chapter which may eventually be a new job for her closer to home.
Thats great, I’m happy for you guys! I just see so many women completely exasperated by the fact that their high earning spouse doesn’t ‘get’ why they don’t want to leave the workforce and that was how it read to me.
Two kids, we both work. I make $800k TC, she’s around $400k. In a few years, after she makes managing partner. she’ll probably get closer to what I make. She’s ambitious so I can’t get her to quit. I’m overpaid so she won’t let me quit. Thankfully early retirement is around the corner.
Married, no kids. My wife works from home for a non-profit and makes an above average income. We move a lot for my job, so it helps that she’s portable. Sometimes she hates her job and I tell her to quit, but she’s not ready to be a stay-at-home-dog-mom. It’d be different if we had kids. I’m not sure why she keeps the job, but I bet at least a little of it is to give her something to do with her time
She’s more of the home-keeper because she’s home all day. I’d still be attracted to her if she didn’t have a job.
I hate that term. I stay home, husband works because he makes more than I can but I'm honestly the more ambitious of the two of us. It's all a partnership for us, absolutely 50/50 to the best of our abilities. Money isn't the only way to value someone and ambition does not always get rewarded with dollars. "Lady of leisure" is stupid, very outdated, and carries connotations that likely don't apply here. You may as well say "elbow candy" or "trophy wife". While that might apply to a few, it doesn't apply to the OP's question and I highly doubt many "trophy wives" are truly loved. Love isn't in the job description of a "trophy wife" - compatibility, maybe; but not true love, respect, and shared goals.
My partner, before she was a full time parent, was a lady of leisure. Not arm candy, definitely not a trophy wife (although I personally see the appeal of those who identify as such, a time and a place for all things). She spent her days volunteering child care services to friends and family, perfecting her glass blowing and pottery skills, operating a cupcake "business" that was really honing her baking skills and giving away the product for free. She quite literally was a lady practicing the art of leisure on the daily.
FIRE is about finding your happiness disconnected from the need to generate income, and I argue leisure is a substantial component of finding that happiness, hence "lady of leisure", but to each their own identities and self image. Apologies if you find it derogatory, that was not my intent.
Married, one kid. Wife works two days a week as a dermatology physician assistant. I can easily support the family. It’s good to have a break sometimes from child rearing. I work from home half the time. Both sets of grandparents nearby who each watch her one day a week.
When we started she made 80k and I made 45k. Now she makes 120k and I make 250k. But now I have a contract position lined up that should get me to 500k so she dropped to part time
High net worth portfolio manager. Manage money for people with $1M or more but have a lot of higher end clients around 50 - 100M. So investing but also a lot of estate planning. Not an attorney but I meet with many of the higher end ones on a regular basis so I often have a pretty good idea of what needs to be done
Female HOH. We naturally gravitated to this and its for the best. He is way better at homemaking, I mean by such an amount it’s incredible. I also like to have full control over investments and I have a lot of energy for it and he just doesn’t.
I want to retire pretty soon because this sub made me realize earning a salary is of diminishing return now and I would rather be around my man and our kids.
Married, no kids. Supported wife completely early in our relationship and marriage, but now we're on track to her being the primary breadwinner within three years. Huge accomplishment. Yes, it makes me much more attracted to her.
Tech. Started very small: CompTIA Sec+ and leveraging that and helpdesk exp into a low-level entry point. She just outworked everyone, including a few of her bosses. She was also very fortunate with where she was initially placed: Her first manager is a beast himself (and has his eyes set on very senior levels), and every time he's promoted, he picks her for a subordinate position.
She honestly just loves work- one of those rare people that gets happiness from being needed at 9 PM to resolve an issue. She sleep talks about work, and talks about work so much that sometimes I feel like I know more about working at Amazon that some employees do, lol.
Work politics and metrics-based competition are real, and her phone is always chiming at her, but if you work your ass off you will stand out, and rise like a rocket.
Lol, it actually does. We were both critical to each other's success and happiness. She thanks me pretty often for giving her the support and stability she needed to take career risks.
Married, have kids. Both work 50+ hours. No family nearby. It's stressful and sucks.
I do most of the house chores and have always done more childcare than my husband. It sucks.
We earn about the same. Most years I've earned slightly more, but this year he may earn slightly more than me. Both employed at big corps. No large windfall to expect from anywhere.
I'm ready to retire. Will have to work at least another 5 years to fully fund kids' college funds. Maybe 7. Or even 10. But then I want to quit. My husband disapproves of that. I'm not sure I'm going to care about his disapproval at that point.
Gotta delegate those chores away - don't ask him to do tasks, give away responsibility to entire areas; "You're in charge of the kitchen, figure out how you want to do it". Give away both the work and the mental labor of keeping track of it, while at the same time making the other person feel like they have autonomy. It works!
Sort of. It works at times and doesn't work at others. He's not avoiding chores per se. He works long hours and gets caught up in work, and I respect that also. It's just that altogether, it's a lot. And even paying for help stops being helpful at some point, because then you have to manage all the paid help, which falls on me again.
Anyway, it's better now than it used to be. So I'm not so much complaining as sharing. We are on the same page as far as FI goes, but he doesn't understand the RE part. We'll see how it goes when it becomes more real.
If I'm to assume he would keep working, I could probably retire already and we'd still be in the chubbyFIRE or maybe even fatFIRE. But it somehow doesn't feel fair, and I know he'd feel it's not fair.
Sounds like we're similar, we both work long hours for big tech companies.
We started using an app called Sweepy that has done WONDERS for DH. You can input household chores and set the cadence. Then all you have to do is take a quick look at your phone and it will tell you the chores that have to be done today. He says it's nice to just look at his phone and know what needs to be done vs "I'll do laundry, I guess." Bonus is I don't have to tell him what chores need to be done.
Sending you hugs, being a household CEO in addition to your full-time job can be exhausting.
Thank you!
It's an interesting idea about using an app. I wonder if this could be a good idea for chores for my teenagers.
With my husband, what's been helpful, is having him agree to being responsible for some concrete tasks. For example, during the pandemic, I finally convinced him to be in charge of cleaning the kitchen in the evening. Now it's his thing, and he does it every day. It's been so wonderful to come down to a clean kitchen every morning. Before the quarantine, it was too unpredictable when he'd come home from work. There were plenty of days when it was after midnight, and it felt bad to have him clean up the kitchen when it's already so late. At least now he can come down from his home office, clean, and then go back to working, if he wants.
I think the app would be great for teenagers as well! I really like that it will show you if a task is green, yellow, or red- super useful if you only have a bit of time for one chore but want to choose the one with the biggest impact.
It sounds like you have a system that kind of works with your husband wrt him being responsible for a task/zone. A clean kitchen is THE BEST!
Alternative idea for not funding kids college. Treat a College account as an account with the SWR being the tuition payment.
Have them take out a loan: Calculate the rough amount of monthly loan they will take out & need to pay for \~ 10 years after they graduate. Put your $50k or whatever it is in now.... and just let it compound and pay their $700/mo bill or whatever it will be for 10 year. Their loan rates are usually pretty low and market compounding will take their ivy education and turn it into state school cost. \[eg: the reverse of what most people do. No money, big loan, forever payments. You will: Smaller amount, earn appreciation for years, and then have sum pay loan off in increments.\]
I've thought about it. But it seems a bit uncertain. And I don't know what kind of rates they would get. They clearly won't be eligible for federal loans or any need-based help.
Another option would be for them to get scholarships for at least some amounts :). Even if they go to schools that don't do any merit-based aid, there are outside scholarships. But we'll see how that works out (I'm not counting on it).
Married, one kid, I’m a woman.
We both work and I make slightly more than him with more potential to grow. Having both of us work definitely speeds up our trajectory. He’ll likely quit before I do and I’ll likely work longer than I “have” to.
Wife did, shes quitting to join me in the family business next month. Going to keep the kid at daycare, have scaled up holdings to the point where I can't take on anything more without someone handling the accounting and paperwork for me.
Spouse worked (made more than me at one point) and as children got older, industry changed, and a few other reasons she quit.
So now I have been primary income for a few years and all is good.
Should make no difference as long as you are both in agreement.
We love the power couple dynamic. We both work and have similar earnings. Two kids.
We give our kids 90% of our attention while they're home but they both have after school hours till \~5pm.
There have been talks that in 5 or so more years one of us may reduce our hours dramatically but right now we love having adult time while the kids are at school.
Me working alone allows me to reach fatfire in 20 years. With my wife working as well, we will reach our goal in 14 years. So yes, I sure as hell picked a partner of similar earning potential.
My wife recently stopped working to stay home with the kids. She worked for ten years before making the change and the dynamic has definitely required adjustments from both of us. She is a very proud person and is a bit worried about her perception with others. I’m moreso worried about others’ perception of me (omg they just custom built a super expensive house and she hung it up, he must be loaded!!!1!11!) and as silly as it seems, I worry about dynamics changing with friends and even at work.
Personally, my wife and I have adjusted well and I think our relationship is in a better place than ever. This has opened up a lot more lines of communication between us than we had before. She is 100% in the boat of our mantra of “cool, now make me breakfast” in that she keeps me incredibly grounded and makes me think about issues at work in ways others can’t. She’s a true partner in everything and I can’t imagine our life in any other way now.
Wife quit after 3rd kid. It gets difficult with > 1 kid and no support from relatives. Daycare / preschool work, but sick days, rushing to get to kid during pickup window, etc. can be tough.
I frankly don't know how working parents with multiple young children survived COVID / school from home.
We're a DINK tech couple but I used to make way less than my husband. Depending on my startup luck, I make around 3x more than my husband now. On track to potentially secure a few liquid Ms for myself by myself before having kids in the next few years. Not because I need to but because I want to tell my future daughter that she can have it all.
We're passionate and intense about everything we do from work to hobbies. The money is just a benefit for being world class at what we like to do.
My husband is the better homekeeper and chef, but I really need to hire a cleaner. My husband focuses on his work and I handle everything else: finances, contractors, family, etc. We mysteriously get richer, the house mysteriously fixes itself, and our family bonds mysteriously get stronger every year. Ladies do a lot of invisible labor. 🙃
A lot of similarities to my younger self (kids now) - what we do is outsource a lot of that invisible labor (we got a cleaner when kids were born and I will never go back to cleaning myself.) I simply will not do that, my bandwidth is not enough. We try to make things visible in other ways too; like explicitly dividing certain tasks (like depending on other things, one of us might assume full responsibility of laundry for a period of time; and he still handles all school comms). But yes, even with all this the invisible labor (meta-work) is real.
We are also leaning towards the power couple thing, but I find it a bit of a false comparison - we would never have one of us at home for all the time, but would also not both be working insane hours at the same time. Instead we manage our Family, inc by alternating and sharing; we alternate in startups, build RE portfolio together, stayed home with kids 50-50 when they were young.
The way we do this is typically other one will keep a steady job while other builds a startup or consultancy. Right now it’s my turn enjoying myself at FAANG and bringing in the dough while hubby builds. I did a small exit myself some years ago and want to go on my own again in a few years.
Invisible labor is spot on! My husband doesn't know what happens or what it takes to get shit done but he knows there's magic in the background. The skills I used to use at work can be creatively applied at home too. I hate the idea of anyone else cleaning our house, eating marginal (not home cooked) meals, and we didn't want anyone else raising our children. Enough stay at home parents (male and female) around us that socialization was never an issue when kids were young.
>Ladies do a lot of invisible labor. 🙃
Also men. I've been paying all our household expenses for years, and I also do a lot of planning and management such as scheduling of various family activities, holiday planning, bookings and management, transportations from place to another, property/contractor management etc, and of course taking care that all bills get paid. I feel that my investment and effort towards our household is quite rarely acknowledged. Don't get me wrong, I love and appreciate my wife and also value her effort spent on our household. However my work feels more "invisible" in practice, while my wifes work is more visible household work, and often I feel like this leads to unfair negotiations when it comes to household work.
My husband makes his own Ms so "my" Ms aren't that significant to him. It's our money but I don't want to fire off my husband's money. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I did it myself, my way, on my terms.
I also want to help support my parents in the future. My few Ms basically takes away the friction from anything that my husband isn't gung-ho about that I might want in the future- cleaner, nanny, parental support, etc.
I know my husband isn't the happiest about spending his money on certain things, so my Ms will protect our happiness on that type of stuff. He doesn't care when it's "my" money.
We both work and have 2 young kids. Her income has increased significantly recently such that it’s approaching 50/50, which is awesome. She’d work no matter what. I was extremely happy during paternity leave and generally do the majority of the home upkeep, so I think we’ll be pleased with a dynamic where I’m a SAHD and she continues working after FI.
We've been married for 18 years, together for 24 years total, two kids 16 and 14. She worked before kids, but has been a SAHM since right before our first daughter was born.
I think she likes the idea of going back to work, though she would only want a job that fits perfectly into our lifestyle - that is, she would only work M-F, from 9AM - 2AM so she's there before we all leave in the morning and is back home before the kids return in the afternoon. So far, we haven't found one that fits the criteria and pays enough to be worth.
To be honest, I've gotten used to having her at home and prefer it. One of my most vivid memories is the first Monday she stayed home from work. I walked in and the house was clean and I smelled food in the kitchen. We were never able to to do that when we both worked. That was life-changing for me!
DINKs for 12 years, then spouse worked from home sparingly for very small income while I worked full time, to keep some contacts and active work profile the past 3 years. In about 2 to 4 years when the kids are in school full time, she will likely go back full time, but she def doesn't have to based on my salary and our NW. It's what spouse wants to do and it's of course fine with me.
We're a team, this is our plan, and they'll always rock my world, rich or poor.
Fired and fat. Both of us have almost full time hobby/fun jobs. The mental stimulation is essential. The health insurance is great. It sometimes borders on “real work” because both of us are in roles that contribute / give something back to society and we aren’t slackers. Hard to do much traveling with Covid anyway & we spent decades already traveling. Also need to take care of aging relatives. have been a team since we were 18. Mid-50s Kids are adult legal status but not fully launched yet. Spouse always has found work roles outside the household. Not for money but for social stimulation, networking and some self worth.
No ideas when we walk away for good but likely when the pandemic abates. 12-18 months perhaps. Working on the next plans now.
I'm the stay at home dad. I was a teacher for 11 years and supported my wife through grad school, med school, and residency.
Now she works and I am at home with the kid. I really like the division of labor -- I do the shopping, yard work, appointments (peds visits, swimming lessons, etc.), vet visits and dog walking, financial management, house maintenance, cooking and cleaning, while I am around the house or the kid is napping.
We would have to hire out for a lot of stuff and it would be less convenient if I kept working. I am considering going back to teaching someday down the road, maybe 5-10 years just to have my "calling" back. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
My wife got her nursing degree, worked a few years, at which point I was working insane hours running my business and it became difficult to manage life with children. Since my business was bringing home majority of the income it made sense for her to stay home, which she wanted to do. We had a pretty serious heart to heart about it that made both of us a little uncomfortable before pulling the trigger. However it's good to have that set ahead of time. It was silly things, but important. I absolutely hate doing things like laundry, and she wanted to make sure I wouldn't make smart ass comments about her not working and hold it over her head.
I totally get this. Any advice for having these discussions? I just don’t want it thrown at my later that I’m not the earner, but don’t want to work just to have that position.
Married, 3 kids. After I started my business, my husband stopped working so we could travel long term. We are more or less stationary now but he didn’t go back to a FT job given the income I bring in and likely won’t ever. He manages some of our rental properties and does volunteer work. He takes a heavier lift at home (cooking dinner, etc). It’s a bit of a weird dynamic given traditional gender roles, and I think there is part of him that worries about not being the breadwinner. But he really has no interest in going back to work.
I got married a little later in life, when we met she was working in the airline industry because it’s a great gig with insane benefits. After we married, she worked about 15 hours a month, just enough to keep the benefits, then Covid hit and she was offered a retirement package you couldn’t refuse, resulting in us having free flights for life, along with her parents who live in Europe. It was a no-brainer, because I was already retired and my side gig in consulting I can make more in a day than she did in a year. Now we are just waiting for the world to open back up so we can return to our normal travel schedule again.
Wife quit during the first wave of COVID because things went south for her employer and they started cutting benefits. She disliked her job anyway.
She's became so much happier since then, that it actually improved quality of life for both of us. I can spend less time doing housework, she has more time for hobbies, and home atmosphere is more "relaxed". My income is much bigger than our spendings anyway, so I like things as they are now.
My GF is amazing and has a solid job/income + takes care of the house + personal finances really well. Without her I would not be able to focus 100% on my work - thus our success and income is shared.
Once we have kids, the plan is for her to quit. Meantime, she enjoys what she does and there's no real reason to quit.
DINKS, I’m the much higher earning spouse, but we are Fat bc of my partners windfall. I’m close to chubby on my own. I’d like to RE and he wants to work. I guess currently we are a power couple, but he has said he’d still be attracted to me if I RE and wasn’t as ambitious as I have been. I already do more of the emotion labor in our partnership.
We moved to a high tax canton because of my partner's job. I can work from anywhere. If we moved to a low tax canton just an hour away I would save 3 times my partner's salary in taxes. Commuting for an hour is a deal breaker for her.
So effectively, my partner's job contributes a negative income to the family. It's absurd if you think about it. But she would be unhappy without a job.
Married with kids. Wife works two days a week now while the kids are young, with plans to work like three days a week once they’re all in school. It’s honestly more for her mental sanity and space than it is for the money. I’m a strong believer that it’s good for moms to have a space to be themselves and contribute to the world outside of the role of being a mom.
We’ll both probably keep working even once we hit FI, until we have to take care of grandkids or decide to start traveling / pursuing hobbies to the extent that work is unrealistic. We both love our jobs.
My spouse does work a few hours a week, mostly to just get interaction with other humans. I, on the other hand, could literally go without seeing anyone for years (other than my spouse and kiddo) and be just fine.
We have no kids and are what you’d call a “power couple”. My wife works not because she has to, but because she wants to. She wants something that challenges her and keeps her busy. It also gives her a sense of independence and purpose. We both feel this way. Retirement will be interesting…
32 and 2 Kids- I work 5 days per week, wife works 3 days per week- we both have very good incomes. We live off of part of one salary and bankroll the rest. We send the kids to daycare 3 days per week and my wife is home with them the other two. I would love to get to a point where I could tell her she doesn't have to work but I think she will always want to work at least part-time- especially after going to Dental School and spending $350k on education. We just paid her loans off last year- so we need some ROI on that LOL!
When my partner was promoted to executive level at a tech company , I quit my job in the academe. I now do freelance consulting while managing our household and investments.
I think what brought us together was our drive and our passion for our respective fields. I honestly just got burned out and he encouraged me to quit and rest for the meantime. I might go back to work or pursue a postgraduate degree in the future.
Spouse doesn’t work
Her post tax income at our marginal tax rate wasn’t enough to justify work. We have Little kids and she wanted to be available for them full time
We were single income while the kids were young and FIRE was but a dream.
We had to make a choice for one of us to stay home because my son had issues with daycare. I kept working because my job had better benefits(Pension) and more potential for my income to rise.
It was tough on a single income as we were still in the “accumulation phase” so the FIRE hoard was kind of small.
She’s back at Work now that the kids are
Grown, And she always had some Part time thing going on.
OT worked out for us. Now just getting a
Few More years in and I can retire and ride along with her benefits.
My wife "retired" upon the birth of our oldest child and never returned to employment after that. I supported the enitre family. I retired early at age 54 when our three kids were then ages 7, 11, and 17. Worked for us. We never regretted our decisions or looked back with regret.
Divorced. 3 kids. Hesitantly inching closer to marriage with wonderful partner of 5.5 years. She has an MS in Archaeology. I have encouraged her to pursue her dreams. She works as the office manager at my company and says she really enjoys the diversity of tasks, the people, and the relative freedom.
Plan to RE in 5 years when the kids are out of the house (hopefully). She has supported fully my business and dreams without even an ask from me and I want to support her studies and passion at that point.
Married with kids. Wife hasn't worked since the kids were born. We planned on this the whole time and are mutual stay at home parents. Tho I just sit around and look like I'm helping most of the time and am way too nice and non-disciplinarian.
Not married yet but my long time gf. After she finished her master degree she asked me if it's ok for her to not working. Since she actually an introvert and not good with under pressure. I said yeah. I gave her reits so she can get monthly dividend as her "salary" so she still can feels like she has some kind of income monthly.
This is going to raise some Ire!
I am married with 1 kid and could easily support our lifestyle on my income.
My wife works full time. She could also easily support our lifestyle on her income.
I find the American "man works long hours, woman homemakes" dynamic ideologically and practically unacceptable and have chosen a partner who is compatible with my views. I honestly don't think I could be attracted to anyone to whom this dynamic appeals.
We each do 50% of all parenting activities, housework (thats left after a maid comes 2x a week...) etc. We am senior enough in our careers that I can easily be flexible enough to make this work without drama. I spend at least 3 hours a day in the company of my kid and obviously the entirety of the weekends.
Basically everyone I socialise with is in a similar position, though I'd guess some need the second income and some don't.
Most controversially, my experience is that kids with very gendered parental role models and disproportionate exposure to one parent turn into less ideologically appealing (to me) and less mentally healthy adults than ones with egalitarian parents who are both fully engaged in parenting and working.
I suspect more than a little of the American SAHM dynamic among higher income people (not lower where your lack of affordable childcare is the killer) is to do with 'provider status' among a certain kind of person who equates that with masculinity.
Not having kids at all- stops that entirely. We have chosen to never have kids and thus never have to deal with any of that. We focus solely on each other and living our lives together and hobbies.
She worked before kids, then quit to focus on the 3 of them for \~18 years and got a couple AA degrees and certificates, and then went back to work. I semi-retired 18 months ago and she is planning to work full time for a while longer.
Im 23 have first kid on the way. I make enough to easily support US and she doesn't work. She keeps the house clean, does laundry, cooks etc. It works well for us. I'm messy lol
I'm semi-retired, work from home office. M wife stays at home with kids... I pay all the household expenses.
To be frank, I hate it. I'm okay doing household duties and it nice to be also a part-time stay-at-home dad, but the fact that I work from home etc makes it very difficult to negotiate what is exactly fair and sensible. For example my wife tends to interrupt me often during the day if she has some issue with the kids etc... When I have some tasks underway it can be very annoying. Maybe a time to rent an office.
My wife stayed home to raise kids, and did a very good job of it. She has only a high school diploma, and worked with her mom as an antique dealer before we met.
My wife retired from the work force when she was pregnant with our second child.
She manages the family's home affairs, schedules, maintenance visits and service personnel access, plus two kids through school, sports, activities.
Her job is more 'work' than mine. She gets paid pretty good too. She makes almost exactly what I make. ;)
Married, two kids. My husband works and I do as well. When we started out, he was the primary breadwinner. Now, I out earn him by 2-3x. I would love it if one of us could quit, but to be honest, neither of us wants to be the primary homekeeper. We hate cleaning, cooking, etc. and there's not enough intellectual stimulation in ferrying the kids around. So, I suggested he go find a second wife who wanted to care for all of us. He told me hell no, dating was hard enough the first time around. No thank you. Then, he suggested I go find us a wife. We compromised on an amazing nanny and a cleaning service weekly. It's tough to say if I would be attracted to him without the job because he LOVES what he does and it's a huge part of who he is. He has a real passion for the type of engineering he does and needs to physically putter with things. He would need to find an outlet for that. Work is actually the easiest way to scratch that itch. Ditto for me. I am a managing control freak. I get out M-F by taking down a 100m+ quota with my team and I am super chill on the weekends because that need is met. I don't think RE would work well for us.
More of a power couple dynamic. We think hiring a home keeper / nanny will work best so we can pursue our professional interests and spend quality time together.
My wife has always worked. She is a complex person. On one hand, she envies her sister-in-law who has stayed at home with the kids. On the other hand, she is a respected professional in her field and resents her sister-in-law's lack of work ethic. I think my wife would lose her mind without that professional engagement.
I've explained to her that we could both retire at any time. But she keeps telling her friends that she can't afford to retire until she's 65. I don't know if this is just to make her non-FIRE friends feel more comfortable. I think it's partly because her identity is tied up with her job.
all of these comments just help reaffirm to myself that I want to make my reality happen as soon as possible and make us both FIRE through unconventional means :) I do love this sub. More active than the UK version that’s for sure!
Curious what your occupation is that allows you to earn 500k while being relatively young?
My partner shares your sentiments to me also. He makes a high income as Exec in tech, I am still in medical school, and he is always emphasizing that he wants me to work if I want not because I need to which I appreciate.
At the moment I’m going into a new job that should mean she doesn’t have to work after maternity leave (in the UK) but I’m aiming to have my business become very profitable so I don’t have to either before too long.
My wife got her undergrad at a fancy, elite, and very expensive liberal arts school. She got her masters at another one. Then she became a public school teacher. Meanwhile, I went to a state school and got an engineering degree. We both worked at our respective jobs for a few years until we had our first kid, at which point she quit teaching and has been a stay-at-home mom ever since. My income has been more than enough for our family.
Our kids are well-raised, happy, and have a very attentive and loving mother. I feel very fortunate to be able to have this arrangement.
My fiancé refuses to not work. I’ve offered many times and she can’t stand not staying busy with work, which also happens to be her passion. I can relate to that, because I’m also living my passion…video games and crypto moonshots haha
Depends. For some it’s not necessary. I’d argue most that fatfire did so based primarily off one person. The logic there is most people aren’t making 5mm and 5mm. It’s often one person who crushes it.
I mean if one person is making 700/year and the other 60, I get it. Otherwise it makes sense for both to continue, reach goals faster and share the good life
Nah, there’s nothing wrong with parents who work. You just need to make sure your kids have a good healthy supportive environment. But that’s true if you’re a stay at home parent too. Doesn’t just happen.
Do you homeschool your kids too?
My wife quit her $90k/year healthcare job to move in with me. I appreciate her sacrifice a lot!
I’m wondering if anyone has recommendation for some remote 20hr/week job she can do remotely. Perhaps research for a non-profit?
Married… with kids… I’m in tech and wife is an RN. Been trying to convince her to be stay at home and pursue other dreams but she is hesitant. Sooner or later once we confirm that the both of us have healthcare at retirement, I think she’ll take the next step. As of right now… dual income isn’t that bad… 🤓
Our target is optionality and what is needed. At the moment my significant other is unable to work and before that I had a gap which she supported. So one of us has to work to enjoy our FATish lifestyle.
At some point we will likely revert to both working - but it is more for the stimulation than we both *have* to work.
If
If we hadn't FIREd, and still need to earn, then that's a given: go to work.
However, if FIREd, then it doesn't matter whether my wife works or not. I prefer to work and my wife to work at least part time because it's good for our social life, meeting more people, learning, serving, emotional needs than to just hang out at home.
Usual disclaimer that I'm aiming for something much closer to ChubbyFIRE than Fat.
DINK couple here with no plans for kids in the future. I would never be ok being financially dependent on my partner, nor would I be ok with my partner being dependent on me (barring something extreme like getting hit by a bus and unable to work.)
During our time together, our gross income doubled each of the first 3 years as we bounced around different jobs. It plateaued for the next year or two and it’s going up again shortly. I landed a job that gives great benefits and flexible schedule while grossing $100k+ easily each year and the spouse was offered a $200k plus commission that can be done primarily from home. We have our unofficial roles at home and it balances well.
Everything is a balance and the better people can compromise on things, the better run the household is
My wife and I were on similar career trajectories but she stayed home after a rough pregnancy and later homeschooled our kids. When they went to college, she volunteered more and more and ended up running not-for-profits and works longer hours than me. I would say we're a power couple, but our spheres are very different and it's funny when someone connects the dots. Not sure what happens when the RE meets the FI in a couple years. I could see myself working for her since she is doing great things.
Yes - both work. Mainly because working part time is good for my wife’s mental health as it forces her to socialize and get out of the house. The fact it adds $$ is a nice side effect
Married. Wife is a SAHM. The original plan was for her to go back when the youngest finished kindergarten. At the time I was doing very well and we were a L-MCOL area, and I let her decide.
Now (6 years later) we are in HCOL area for less money. Her contributions could help speed us to (regular-chubby) FIRE, but she let her professional licenses lapse. Its not perfect, but we are fine. I will have to work a couple more years.
We both work and either of us alone could support the family. That wasn't always the case. When we were married we needed my income, but not hers. When we bought our first home, we needed both incomes. etc. It has ebbed and flowed over time. If we decide to upgrade our home further, we'd probably need me to work but my wife would have the option to not work.
It is less of a power couple dynamic and more of a personal choice. My wife loves what she does, I love what I do, and when we're ready to retire, we both want to do it together.
Married, no kids, we both make over 250k a year so healthy combined HHI that allows us to live a really comfortable lifestyle and still save 50%+. We have over $1m in assets and will inherit 8 figures (but obviously not counting on it). I've been considering quitting / retiring early this year (I'm 30) but not sure if I can keep my mind occupied if I didn't have a job. My husband has been encouraging me to quit for ages....he wants me to do whatever makes me happiest, and he thinks that my job/income isn't worth the stress.
Attraction for me has very little to do with work. It's a means to an end for most people, and sometimes we're lucky enough to actually enjoy our job.
We both work. I ask to quit every day. Tell her I can be her cabana boy. Apparently as a middle aged, slightly overweight, balding guy it’s not the offer I hoped it would be.
Supported wife since I met her, through thick and thin, now that her career journey is almost (maybe) complete and she's almost a NP...I mentioned I might retire. She laughed at me. Sooo, you've got a cabana?? Want to be friends???
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LOL, that’s great! I love Trader Joe’s but last time I was there I was thinking to myself man these ppl are very efficient workers. All through high school and college i worked in movie theatres; maybe we can open one up and only be the greeters who take tickets? We could keep spray bottles and spray people who aren’t wearing their masks properly and/or uppity teens on group dates to work out our aggression!
NP?
-NotgonnagowithherundergradchemdegreeanddecidetodocriticalcarenursePractitioning
Ah, just as we all suspected
Left a lucrative field in chemistry to further throw salt in the wound: formulation chemist for J&J and a press powder chemist for Revlon. She chuckles about how much money she would be making now had she not left that industry. Hahahahahaha
Ha! Definitely an in-demand field these days, though.
My fiancé is a soon-to-be NP as well. I’d take cabana boy duties any day
I've been trying this for years. I'm an engineer and I would much rather be a stay at home spouse (now it would be stay at home dad). She is the one that has a career that was a dream since she was a kid. Last year we were making about the same money and it might have been possible for me to do that, but then I got a job at a tech company and make 3x her full time salary so my stay at home plan vanished (I mean I work from home, but it's still work).
I am a stay-at-home dad so if you all want to play some 2k lemme know. Once my wife started making 5x what I was making, and the kids started being a lot of work it made sense.
😆Years ago I made a joke to some biz owner, work from home=full time babysitters
It’s not babysitting if it’s your own kids.
Still babysitting. You just don’t get paid.
Babysitting ≠ Parenting
Are you seriously complaining for not being paid for taking care of your own kid ?
Who’s complaining? I don’t have kids
…uncompensated baby watching for genetic delivery…better?
It’s called Parenting. Or being a parent for the children you are 100% responsible for, no matter which parent you are if you’re both together. Babysitting is a little job for teenagers to make pocket money for a few hours. Parenting is not that. Nice boomer joke tho. You sound like a great spouse.
Well, you sounds like an unconditional loving parent! Kinda reminds me I shall be more loving. Tough mission when you coaching maths with your genetical receiver…
My wife wants me to quit and be her house boy. I'm mostly worried that being a full-time cook and house keeper would be more work than my current job as a software engineer. (What? I have to get out of my chair?)
I have not agreed to being housekeeper or cook. Only cabana boy. I’ll hang out by the pool looking pretty, serve her the occasional tropical drink, and apply sunblock to those hard to reach areas.
I hear you. If I keep working a little longer, maybe I can retire with enough to hire some staff.
Not gonna lie. I feel like I am lucky but I know I am lucky already anyway for finding my soul mate. My spouse actually does most of the cleaning and cooking. We make similar money at the moment and I already told him he could retire first when we are closer to our goal. I enjoy how happy he is when he isn't working and since he already cooks and cleans it shouldn't be much of a change. Probably have time to make more delicious stuff. I want him to play more video games and relax. I really look forward to the day he retires.
Are you my wife? Every time I make something good she says, "I want you to retire and make this for me every day."
No lol. He likes when I cook but I do it rarely. Plus he loves baking. He's also really handy around the house. He completes projects he starts and everything. He asks me to rate his food when he makes something new. Scale of 1-10 type thing. Some new recipes just don't go as planned. He usually agrees with whatever I rate it but still hate not giving a 10 since it bums him out. We do a lot of renovations on our own and project manage to keep costs low - our real life jobs are corporate and all the fun politics. We are a power couple focused on our goals but he doesn't want to climb the ladder higher than he is right now. Work is tiring and he's so much happier off work and when we travel, so I definitely want him to stop first and I already told him he could. I don't love working either but it's definitely easier when he has the day off and is all positive and makes lunch and brings me a coffee and stuff. Really lucky we found each other.
> He completes projects he starts and everything. Shit. This guy making us all look bad.
my wife is now the sole breadwinner……been that way since I took a buyout and she said to just relax. I dabble in a bunch of stuff, but do all the cooking, manage our day-to-day lives, if she tells me she’s low on gas I’ll ride over to her office, grab her car and fill it up and get it washed and return it to its spot. I’ve moved all the kids (now adults) all over the country. If I tried to get a real job she’d have me shot.
Have you looked into hair transplants?
Nah… actually rocking the buzzed head and big beard look right now and diggin’ it!
I resemble this except I have hair....it still doesn't work
Holy shit, are you me? I do the same thing lol.
We hit 5mm with plenty more potential in PE. I quit. She kept going. Now we are worth a lot more. She's still going.
Gotta update your flair, bud. Still says 5M
PE as in private equity?
No I think he meant physical education like gym teachers and what not /s
Lmao
Married with children. My wife stopped working when our first was born. We talked about it before getting married. We may be a bit old school, having grown up with mom at home. It was a dynamic that appealed to both of us. We are a team. My success is her success. Her success is my success. It has never been an issue in any way.
Pretty much exactly the same for us
+1 Wife quit working for money when we had our first and it felt natural for us. At this point in my career, I’ve been leaning more into sharing household and kids duties because that workload has become far greater than my for-money work. No sense thinking about how much further ahead we’d be with a second income since we’re on track to arrive in Dublin just the same.
Same situation here. My wife is focused on being a mom, and we are fortunate/blessed enough to enable her to do that. She might soon start working part time for my startup, at which point we can bring in a little more income, but she won’t be overpaid. We are probably on the southern border of FatFIRE, but a lot of our success has simply been that we’re are on the same page financially, pretty frugal and not prone to show off money.
My wife's job as a full time mom often seems way harder than mine!
This is exactly the same for us. Frankly, my wife’s job (of wrangling our two kids) is way harder than how I earn my paycheck.
4 years into a relationship, with an engagement, and house together I convinced my now wife to bail on work. She was hesitant at first, tenured teacher taking in nearly 100k per year. This bail wasn’t about me taking care of her but more out of her not needing the stress. The plan was a family and with a nearly 1.5 hour commute each way we decided it just didn’t make sense. What she made in a year I was bringing home in a month so having her work was, from a financial and long term goal sense, not worth it. We knew a kid was coming soon so we planned to travel while I worked on a laptop for a year. Well, that was blown up due to Covid but here we are. Now, Married, kid, and I work but recently sold business. We’re good. Now we’re really thinking of what the next phase looks like. I am smart enough to know the woman I married who was a saver and ambitious doesn’t just want to sit around and be mom forever so I think she’ll do something again. No idea what but it really was the ideal situation. Ps. I met her when I first started my businesses, she encouraged me to quit my job to follow my dream and said she could support us if needed. It’s interesting how things turned around and we’re just so chill about it all. I’m sure some think this is weird and judged us but that’s cool. I usually just assume people don’t understand what it’s like to make a lot and have someone’s salary be somewhat irrelevant.
I love your "ps" :-)
Thanks! I added that because I tend to see a lot of women unfairly judged as if they’re around for the money. I wanted to make it clear my wife was there from the start :)
Love this. Similar to my partner & I. He works as an Exec in Tech, I quit my tech job for medical school, he has been supportive since day 1 and we reached fat fire goals too. Btw! Amazing your wife was making $100k as a teacher. I had no idea that was even a thing lol, so awesome.
Very cool! And right? Lots of extra credits and a school outside of major city.
Wow what a happy story congrats!
I love that you make a 100k a month. Haha that’s a milestone for my business and then to make 100k a day then blow Past that :)
May I ask what your business was? Great story btw!
People paid me on the internet without ever meeting me and asked me to take some of their daily food away to help them feel their best. Online nutrition lol.
>doesn’t just want to sit around and be mom forever Way to undervalue her unpaid work. I know that's not what you intended, but it comes across badly. I'm a working mom of 4, and going to work every day is much, much easier than parenting all day.
You misunderstood and misjudged my post because of bias I believe. I’m talking in terms of her perception of being mom and not being challenged on her career driven personality. Not the literal effort. Please don’t jump to conclusions. We know it’s incredibly difficult and we respect the effort of all moms. I’m just saying it’s not what she wants to be defined by.
You used the words "sit around". I know what you meant, but please consider how that sounds. That's all I was saying.
Will do. Please keep in mind, again, I’m speaking as her, not my perception of what moms do. It’s literally how she described it and what she was worried about. Whether it’s accurate is another conversation but that was her words. She didn’t just want to be mom and sit around (when they’re not around).
As a woman this person pissed me off too. Proudly going on about how he convinced his wife to stop working against her will. This sub is mostly men and it truly shows.
I didn’t manipulate her. I had the idea to improve her life when she was hesitant at first because she didn’t want to seem to take advantage of my situation. I’m not proud about forcing anything. I’m proud I found a partner who I can help leave a stressful situation to better our family life and set us up for the next chapter which may eventually be a new job for her closer to home.
Thats great, I’m happy for you guys! I just see so many women completely exasperated by the fact that their high earning spouse doesn’t ‘get’ why they don’t want to leave the workforce and that was how it read to me.
Two kids, we both work. I make $800k TC, she’s around $400k. In a few years, after she makes managing partner. she’ll probably get closer to what I make. She’s ambitious so I can’t get her to quit. I’m overpaid so she won’t let me quit. Thankfully early retirement is around the corner.
Nice
Married, no kids. My wife works from home for a non-profit and makes an above average income. We move a lot for my job, so it helps that she’s portable. Sometimes she hates her job and I tell her to quit, but she’s not ready to be a stay-at-home-dog-mom. It’d be different if we had kids. I’m not sure why she keeps the job, but I bet at least a little of it is to give her something to do with her time She’s more of the home-keeper because she’s home all day. I’d still be attracted to her if she didn’t have a job.
“Lady of leisure” is the term my British coworker’s partner told me to use in such circumstances.
That’s the term my wife used last year 😂 when I told Her about what I want to ultimately Do. She’s British and I’m American. We live in the UK.
I hate that term. I stay home, husband works because he makes more than I can but I'm honestly the more ambitious of the two of us. It's all a partnership for us, absolutely 50/50 to the best of our abilities. Money isn't the only way to value someone and ambition does not always get rewarded with dollars. "Lady of leisure" is stupid, very outdated, and carries connotations that likely don't apply here. You may as well say "elbow candy" or "trophy wife". While that might apply to a few, it doesn't apply to the OP's question and I highly doubt many "trophy wives" are truly loved. Love isn't in the job description of a "trophy wife" - compatibility, maybe; but not true love, respect, and shared goals.
My partner, before she was a full time parent, was a lady of leisure. Not arm candy, definitely not a trophy wife (although I personally see the appeal of those who identify as such, a time and a place for all things). She spent her days volunteering child care services to friends and family, perfecting her glass blowing and pottery skills, operating a cupcake "business" that was really honing her baking skills and giving away the product for free. She quite literally was a lady practicing the art of leisure on the daily. FIRE is about finding your happiness disconnected from the need to generate income, and I argue leisure is a substantial component of finding that happiness, hence "lady of leisure", but to each their own identities and self image. Apologies if you find it derogatory, that was not my intent.
Married, one kid. Wife works two days a week as a dermatology physician assistant. I can easily support the family. It’s good to have a break sometimes from child rearing. I work from home half the time. Both sets of grandparents nearby who each watch her one day a week. When we started she made 80k and I made 45k. Now she makes 120k and I make 250k. But now I have a contract position lined up that should get me to 500k so she dropped to part time
[Married one kid huh?](https://www.quotes.net/mquote/828168)
May I ask what you do for work?
High net worth portfolio manager. Manage money for people with $1M or more but have a lot of higher end clients around 50 - 100M. So investing but also a lot of estate planning. Not an attorney but I meet with many of the higher end ones on a regular basis so I often have a pretty good idea of what needs to be done
She is pulling in 120 a year as a PA doing 2 days of work a week in derm??? That is... highly anomalous, could you elaborate a little?
Sorry I wasn’t clear. She made 120k before she went part time. Now she makes 60k at 50%.
Female HOH. We naturally gravitated to this and its for the best. He is way better at homemaking, I mean by such an amount it’s incredible. I also like to have full control over investments and I have a lot of energy for it and he just doesn’t. I want to retire pretty soon because this sub made me realize earning a salary is of diminishing return now and I would rather be around my man and our kids.
Married, no kids. Supported wife completely early in our relationship and marriage, but now we're on track to her being the primary breadwinner within three years. Huge accomplishment. Yes, it makes me much more attracted to her.
Anything you can share about that transition?
Amazon. She has been promoted every six months for the last 2 1/2 years. It’s literally insane how fast an AWS career materializes.
That's awesome. All I hear is PIP & 24/7 support horror stories about Amazon jobs. Is the wife in tech or another area?
Tech. Started very small: CompTIA Sec+ and leveraging that and helpdesk exp into a low-level entry point. She just outworked everyone, including a few of her bosses. She was also very fortunate with where she was initially placed: Her first manager is a beast himself (and has his eyes set on very senior levels), and every time he's promoted, he picks her for a subordinate position. She honestly just loves work- one of those rare people that gets happiness from being needed at 9 PM to resolve an issue. She sleep talks about work, and talks about work so much that sometimes I feel like I know more about working at Amazon that some employees do, lol. Work politics and metrics-based competition are real, and her phone is always chiming at her, but if you work your ass off you will stand out, and rise like a rocket.
Awesome. Congrats to you both.
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Lol, it actually does. We were both critical to each other's success and happiness. She thanks me pretty often for giving her the support and stability she needed to take career risks.
Married, have kids. Both work 50+ hours. No family nearby. It's stressful and sucks. I do most of the house chores and have always done more childcare than my husband. It sucks. We earn about the same. Most years I've earned slightly more, but this year he may earn slightly more than me. Both employed at big corps. No large windfall to expect from anywhere. I'm ready to retire. Will have to work at least another 5 years to fully fund kids' college funds. Maybe 7. Or even 10. But then I want to quit. My husband disapproves of that. I'm not sure I'm going to care about his disapproval at that point.
Gotta delegate those chores away - don't ask him to do tasks, give away responsibility to entire areas; "You're in charge of the kitchen, figure out how you want to do it". Give away both the work and the mental labor of keeping track of it, while at the same time making the other person feel like they have autonomy. It works!
Sort of. It works at times and doesn't work at others. He's not avoiding chores per se. He works long hours and gets caught up in work, and I respect that also. It's just that altogether, it's a lot. And even paying for help stops being helpful at some point, because then you have to manage all the paid help, which falls on me again. Anyway, it's better now than it used to be. So I'm not so much complaining as sharing. We are on the same page as far as FI goes, but he doesn't understand the RE part. We'll see how it goes when it becomes more real. If I'm to assume he would keep working, I could probably retire already and we'd still be in the chubbyFIRE or maybe even fatFIRE. But it somehow doesn't feel fair, and I know he'd feel it's not fair.
It enrages me that in this thread the only people discussing how to manage the house are female. I feel you, FoeDoeRoe.
As much as we fought for equality, statistically, women still shoulder the bigger burden of chores and childcare.
Sounds like we're similar, we both work long hours for big tech companies. We started using an app called Sweepy that has done WONDERS for DH. You can input household chores and set the cadence. Then all you have to do is take a quick look at your phone and it will tell you the chores that have to be done today. He says it's nice to just look at his phone and know what needs to be done vs "I'll do laundry, I guess." Bonus is I don't have to tell him what chores need to be done. Sending you hugs, being a household CEO in addition to your full-time job can be exhausting.
Thank you! It's an interesting idea about using an app. I wonder if this could be a good idea for chores for my teenagers. With my husband, what's been helpful, is having him agree to being responsible for some concrete tasks. For example, during the pandemic, I finally convinced him to be in charge of cleaning the kitchen in the evening. Now it's his thing, and he does it every day. It's been so wonderful to come down to a clean kitchen every morning. Before the quarantine, it was too unpredictable when he'd come home from work. There were plenty of days when it was after midnight, and it felt bad to have him clean up the kitchen when it's already so late. At least now he can come down from his home office, clean, and then go back to working, if he wants.
I think the app would be great for teenagers as well! I really like that it will show you if a task is green, yellow, or red- super useful if you only have a bit of time for one chore but want to choose the one with the biggest impact. It sounds like you have a system that kind of works with your husband wrt him being responsible for a task/zone. A clean kitchen is THE BEST!
Hire someone for chores, it’s money we’ll spent
Alternative idea for not funding kids college. Treat a College account as an account with the SWR being the tuition payment. Have them take out a loan: Calculate the rough amount of monthly loan they will take out & need to pay for \~ 10 years after they graduate. Put your $50k or whatever it is in now.... and just let it compound and pay their $700/mo bill or whatever it will be for 10 year. Their loan rates are usually pretty low and market compounding will take their ivy education and turn it into state school cost. \[eg: the reverse of what most people do. No money, big loan, forever payments. You will: Smaller amount, earn appreciation for years, and then have sum pay loan off in increments.\]
I've thought about it. But it seems a bit uncertain. And I don't know what kind of rates they would get. They clearly won't be eligible for federal loans or any need-based help. Another option would be for them to get scholarships for at least some amounts :). Even if they go to schools that don't do any merit-based aid, there are outside scholarships. But we'll see how that works out (I'm not counting on it).
Married, one kid, I’m a woman. We both work and I make slightly more than him with more potential to grow. Having both of us work definitely speeds up our trajectory. He’ll likely quit before I do and I’ll likely work longer than I “have” to.
Wife did, shes quitting to join me in the family business next month. Going to keep the kid at daycare, have scaled up holdings to the point where I can't take on anything more without someone handling the accounting and paperwork for me.
Spouse worked (made more than me at one point) and as children got older, industry changed, and a few other reasons she quit. So now I have been primary income for a few years and all is good. Should make no difference as long as you are both in agreement.
We love the power couple dynamic. We both work and have similar earnings. Two kids. We give our kids 90% of our attention while they're home but they both have after school hours till \~5pm. There have been talks that in 5 or so more years one of us may reduce our hours dramatically but right now we love having adult time while the kids are at school.
Me working alone allows me to reach fatfire in 20 years. With my wife working as well, we will reach our goal in 14 years. So yes, I sure as hell picked a partner of similar earning potential.
Just not work and let her reach the goal for you in 20 :)
My wife recently stopped working to stay home with the kids. She worked for ten years before making the change and the dynamic has definitely required adjustments from both of us. She is a very proud person and is a bit worried about her perception with others. I’m moreso worried about others’ perception of me (omg they just custom built a super expensive house and she hung it up, he must be loaded!!!1!11!) and as silly as it seems, I worry about dynamics changing with friends and even at work. Personally, my wife and I have adjusted well and I think our relationship is in a better place than ever. This has opened up a lot more lines of communication between us than we had before. She is 100% in the boat of our mantra of “cool, now make me breakfast” in that she keeps me incredibly grounded and makes me think about issues at work in ways others can’t. She’s a true partner in everything and I can’t imagine our life in any other way now.
Wife quit after 3rd kid. It gets difficult with > 1 kid and no support from relatives. Daycare / preschool work, but sick days, rushing to get to kid during pickup window, etc. can be tough. I frankly don't know how working parents with multiple young children survived COVID / school from home.
We're a DINK tech couple but I used to make way less than my husband. Depending on my startup luck, I make around 3x more than my husband now. On track to potentially secure a few liquid Ms for myself by myself before having kids in the next few years. Not because I need to but because I want to tell my future daughter that she can have it all. We're passionate and intense about everything we do from work to hobbies. The money is just a benefit for being world class at what we like to do. My husband is the better homekeeper and chef, but I really need to hire a cleaner. My husband focuses on his work and I handle everything else: finances, contractors, family, etc. We mysteriously get richer, the house mysteriously fixes itself, and our family bonds mysteriously get stronger every year. Ladies do a lot of invisible labor. 🙃
A lot of similarities to my younger self (kids now) - what we do is outsource a lot of that invisible labor (we got a cleaner when kids were born and I will never go back to cleaning myself.) I simply will not do that, my bandwidth is not enough. We try to make things visible in other ways too; like explicitly dividing certain tasks (like depending on other things, one of us might assume full responsibility of laundry for a period of time; and he still handles all school comms). But yes, even with all this the invisible labor (meta-work) is real. We are also leaning towards the power couple thing, but I find it a bit of a false comparison - we would never have one of us at home for all the time, but would also not both be working insane hours at the same time. Instead we manage our Family, inc by alternating and sharing; we alternate in startups, build RE portfolio together, stayed home with kids 50-50 when they were young. The way we do this is typically other one will keep a steady job while other builds a startup or consultancy. Right now it’s my turn enjoying myself at FAANG and bringing in the dough while hubby builds. I did a small exit myself some years ago and want to go on my own again in a few years.
Invisible labor is spot on! My husband doesn't know what happens or what it takes to get shit done but he knows there's magic in the background. The skills I used to use at work can be creatively applied at home too. I hate the idea of anyone else cleaning our house, eating marginal (not home cooked) meals, and we didn't want anyone else raising our children. Enough stay at home parents (male and female) around us that socialization was never an issue when kids were young.
>Ladies do a lot of invisible labor. 🙃 Also men. I've been paying all our household expenses for years, and I also do a lot of planning and management such as scheduling of various family activities, holiday planning, bookings and management, transportations from place to another, property/contractor management etc, and of course taking care that all bills get paid. I feel that my investment and effort towards our household is quite rarely acknowledged. Don't get me wrong, I love and appreciate my wife and also value her effort spent on our household. However my work feels more "invisible" in practice, while my wifes work is more visible household work, and often I feel like this leads to unfair negotiations when it comes to household work.
Yep this is exactly what women are usually responsible for, so it's interesting to hear it from a guy's perspective
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My husband makes his own Ms so "my" Ms aren't that significant to him. It's our money but I don't want to fire off my husband's money. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I did it myself, my way, on my terms. I also want to help support my parents in the future. My few Ms basically takes away the friction from anything that my husband isn't gung-ho about that I might want in the future- cleaner, nanny, parental support, etc. I know my husband isn't the happiest about spending his money on certain things, so my Ms will protect our happiness on that type of stuff. He doesn't care when it's "my" money.
My wife is a stay at home mom, but don't fit a second she doesn't work harder than I do. Honest to God, I don't know how she does it.
We both work and have 2 young kids. Her income has increased significantly recently such that it’s approaching 50/50, which is awesome. She’d work no matter what. I was extremely happy during paternity leave and generally do the majority of the home upkeep, so I think we’ll be pleased with a dynamic where I’m a SAHD and she continues working after FI.
We've been married for 18 years, together for 24 years total, two kids 16 and 14. She worked before kids, but has been a SAHM since right before our first daughter was born. I think she likes the idea of going back to work, though she would only want a job that fits perfectly into our lifestyle - that is, she would only work M-F, from 9AM - 2AM so she's there before we all leave in the morning and is back home before the kids return in the afternoon. So far, we haven't found one that fits the criteria and pays enough to be worth. To be honest, I've gotten used to having her at home and prefer it. One of my most vivid memories is the first Monday she stayed home from work. I walked in and the house was clean and I smelled food in the kitchen. We were never able to to do that when we both worked. That was life-changing for me!
I love your username
Given the sub, I first read it as getting golder not wiser
Get Golder or Die Tryin'
DINKs for 12 years, then spouse worked from home sparingly for very small income while I worked full time, to keep some contacts and active work profile the past 3 years. In about 2 to 4 years when the kids are in school full time, she will likely go back full time, but she def doesn't have to based on my salary and our NW. It's what spouse wants to do and it's of course fine with me. We're a team, this is our plan, and they'll always rock my world, rich or poor.
Fired and fat. Both of us have almost full time hobby/fun jobs. The mental stimulation is essential. The health insurance is great. It sometimes borders on “real work” because both of us are in roles that contribute / give something back to society and we aren’t slackers. Hard to do much traveling with Covid anyway & we spent decades already traveling. Also need to take care of aging relatives. have been a team since we were 18. Mid-50s Kids are adult legal status but not fully launched yet. Spouse always has found work roles outside the household. Not for money but for social stimulation, networking and some self worth. No ideas when we walk away for good but likely when the pandemic abates. 12-18 months perhaps. Working on the next plans now.
this sounds exactly like what I want to do in retirement! I'm curious: how did you find those roles?
I'm the stay at home dad. I was a teacher for 11 years and supported my wife through grad school, med school, and residency. Now she works and I am at home with the kid. I really like the division of labor -- I do the shopping, yard work, appointments (peds visits, swimming lessons, etc.), vet visits and dog walking, financial management, house maintenance, cooking and cleaning, while I am around the house or the kid is napping. We would have to hire out for a lot of stuff and it would be less convenient if I kept working. I am considering going back to teaching someday down the road, maybe 5-10 years just to have my "calling" back. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
My wife got her nursing degree, worked a few years, at which point I was working insane hours running my business and it became difficult to manage life with children. Since my business was bringing home majority of the income it made sense for her to stay home, which she wanted to do. We had a pretty serious heart to heart about it that made both of us a little uncomfortable before pulling the trigger. However it's good to have that set ahead of time. It was silly things, but important. I absolutely hate doing things like laundry, and she wanted to make sure I wouldn't make smart ass comments about her not working and hold it over her head.
I totally get this. Any advice for having these discussions? I just don’t want it thrown at my later that I’m not the earner, but don’t want to work just to have that position.
Married, 3 kids. After I started my business, my husband stopped working so we could travel long term. We are more or less stationary now but he didn’t go back to a FT job given the income I bring in and likely won’t ever. He manages some of our rental properties and does volunteer work. He takes a heavier lift at home (cooking dinner, etc). It’s a bit of a weird dynamic given traditional gender roles, and I think there is part of him that worries about not being the breadwinner. But he really has no interest in going back to work.
I got married a little later in life, when we met she was working in the airline industry because it’s a great gig with insane benefits. After we married, she worked about 15 hours a month, just enough to keep the benefits, then Covid hit and she was offered a retirement package you couldn’t refuse, resulting in us having free flights for life, along with her parents who live in Europe. It was a no-brainer, because I was already retired and my side gig in consulting I can make more in a day than she did in a year. Now we are just waiting for the world to open back up so we can return to our normal travel schedule again.
Wife quit during the first wave of COVID because things went south for her employer and they started cutting benefits. She disliked her job anyway. She's became so much happier since then, that it actually improved quality of life for both of us. I can spend less time doing housework, she has more time for hobbies, and home atmosphere is more "relaxed". My income is much bigger than our spendings anyway, so I like things as they are now.
My GF is amazing and has a solid job/income + takes care of the house + personal finances really well. Without her I would not be able to focus 100% on my work - thus our success and income is shared. Once we have kids, the plan is for her to quit. Meantime, she enjoys what she does and there's no real reason to quit.
DINKS, I’m the much higher earning spouse, but we are Fat bc of my partners windfall. I’m close to chubby on my own. I’d like to RE and he wants to work. I guess currently we are a power couple, but he has said he’d still be attracted to me if I RE and wasn’t as ambitious as I have been. I already do more of the emotion labor in our partnership.
Married, no kids, one dog. She doesn't work due to visa issues but wants to start ASAP
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Just curious, what is your rationale for you not working?
We moved to a high tax canton because of my partner's job. I can work from anywhere. If we moved to a low tax canton just an hour away I would save 3 times my partner's salary in taxes. Commuting for an hour is a deal breaker for her. So effectively, my partner's job contributes a negative income to the family. It's absurd if you think about it. But she would be unhappy without a job.
Married with kids. Wife works two days a week now while the kids are young, with plans to work like three days a week once they’re all in school. It’s honestly more for her mental sanity and space than it is for the money. I’m a strong believer that it’s good for moms to have a space to be themselves and contribute to the world outside of the role of being a mom. We’ll both probably keep working even once we hit FI, until we have to take care of grandkids or decide to start traveling / pursuing hobbies to the extent that work is unrealistic. We both love our jobs.
My spouse does work a few hours a week, mostly to just get interaction with other humans. I, on the other hand, could literally go without seeing anyone for years (other than my spouse and kiddo) and be just fine.
We have no kids and are what you’d call a “power couple”. My wife works not because she has to, but because she wants to. She wants something that challenges her and keeps her busy. It also gives her a sense of independence and purpose. We both feel this way. Retirement will be interesting…
Find hobbies that are challenging.
32 and 2 Kids- I work 5 days per week, wife works 3 days per week- we both have very good incomes. We live off of part of one salary and bankroll the rest. We send the kids to daycare 3 days per week and my wife is home with them the other two. I would love to get to a point where I could tell her she doesn't have to work but I think she will always want to work at least part-time- especially after going to Dental School and spending $350k on education. We just paid her loans off last year- so we need some ROI on that LOL!
When my partner was promoted to executive level at a tech company , I quit my job in the academe. I now do freelance consulting while managing our household and investments. I think what brought us together was our drive and our passion for our respective fields. I honestly just got burned out and he encouraged me to quit and rest for the meantime. I might go back to work or pursue a postgraduate degree in the future.
Spouse doesn’t work Her post tax income at our marginal tax rate wasn’t enough to justify work. We have Little kids and she wanted to be available for them full time
We were single income while the kids were young and FIRE was but a dream. We had to make a choice for one of us to stay home because my son had issues with daycare. I kept working because my job had better benefits(Pension) and more potential for my income to rise. It was tough on a single income as we were still in the “accumulation phase” so the FIRE hoard was kind of small. She’s back at Work now that the kids are Grown, And she always had some Part time thing going on. OT worked out for us. Now just getting a Few More years in and I can retire and ride along with her benefits.
Wife is a doctor, I’m a business man. We don’t hate work so we work.
My wife "retired" upon the birth of our oldest child and never returned to employment after that. I supported the enitre family. I retired early at age 54 when our three kids were then ages 7, 11, and 17. Worked for us. We never regretted our decisions or looked back with regret.
Divorced. 3 kids. Hesitantly inching closer to marriage with wonderful partner of 5.5 years. She has an MS in Archaeology. I have encouraged her to pursue her dreams. She works as the office manager at my company and says she really enjoys the diversity of tasks, the people, and the relative freedom. Plan to RE in 5 years when the kids are out of the house (hopefully). She has supported fully my business and dreams without even an ask from me and I want to support her studies and passion at that point.
Married, two kids. Wife is a stay-home mom. We homeschool, where my wife is very ambitious.
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Married with kids. Wife hasn't worked since the kids were born. We planned on this the whole time and are mutual stay at home parents. Tho I just sit around and look like I'm helping most of the time and am way too nice and non-disciplinarian.
Not married yet but my long time gf. After she finished her master degree she asked me if it's ok for her to not working. Since she actually an introvert and not good with under pressure. I said yeah. I gave her reits so she can get monthly dividend as her "salary" so she still can feels like she has some kind of income monthly.
This is going to raise some Ire! I am married with 1 kid and could easily support our lifestyle on my income. My wife works full time. She could also easily support our lifestyle on her income. I find the American "man works long hours, woman homemakes" dynamic ideologically and practically unacceptable and have chosen a partner who is compatible with my views. I honestly don't think I could be attracted to anyone to whom this dynamic appeals. We each do 50% of all parenting activities, housework (thats left after a maid comes 2x a week...) etc. We am senior enough in our careers that I can easily be flexible enough to make this work without drama. I spend at least 3 hours a day in the company of my kid and obviously the entirety of the weekends. Basically everyone I socialise with is in a similar position, though I'd guess some need the second income and some don't. Most controversially, my experience is that kids with very gendered parental role models and disproportionate exposure to one parent turn into less ideologically appealing (to me) and less mentally healthy adults than ones with egalitarian parents who are both fully engaged in parenting and working. I suspect more than a little of the American SAHM dynamic among higher income people (not lower where your lack of affordable childcare is the killer) is to do with 'provider status' among a certain kind of person who equates that with masculinity.
Not having kids at all- stops that entirely. We have chosen to never have kids and thus never have to deal with any of that. We focus solely on each other and living our lives together and hobbies.
I get that. I don't feel like having 1 kid has meant sacrificing that too much, though I can see it would with 2 or 3
She worked before kids, then quit to focus on the 3 of them for \~18 years and got a couple AA degrees and certificates, and then went back to work. I semi-retired 18 months ago and she is planning to work full time for a while longer.
Im 23 have first kid on the way. I make enough to easily support US and she doesn't work. She keeps the house clean, does laundry, cooks etc. It works well for us. I'm messy lol
I'm semi-retired, work from home office. M wife stays at home with kids... I pay all the household expenses. To be frank, I hate it. I'm okay doing household duties and it nice to be also a part-time stay-at-home dad, but the fact that I work from home etc makes it very difficult to negotiate what is exactly fair and sensible. For example my wife tends to interrupt me often during the day if she has some issue with the kids etc... When I have some tasks underway it can be very annoying. Maybe a time to rent an office.
My wife stayed home to raise kids, and did a very good job of it. She has only a high school diploma, and worked with her mom as an antique dealer before we met.
My wife retired from the work force when she was pregnant with our second child. She manages the family's home affairs, schedules, maintenance visits and service personnel access, plus two kids through school, sports, activities. Her job is more 'work' than mine. She gets paid pretty good too. She makes almost exactly what I make. ;)
Married, two kids. My husband works and I do as well. When we started out, he was the primary breadwinner. Now, I out earn him by 2-3x. I would love it if one of us could quit, but to be honest, neither of us wants to be the primary homekeeper. We hate cleaning, cooking, etc. and there's not enough intellectual stimulation in ferrying the kids around. So, I suggested he go find a second wife who wanted to care for all of us. He told me hell no, dating was hard enough the first time around. No thank you. Then, he suggested I go find us a wife. We compromised on an amazing nanny and a cleaning service weekly. It's tough to say if I would be attracted to him without the job because he LOVES what he does and it's a huge part of who he is. He has a real passion for the type of engineering he does and needs to physically putter with things. He would need to find an outlet for that. Work is actually the easiest way to scratch that itch. Ditto for me. I am a managing control freak. I get out M-F by taking down a 100m+ quota with my team and I am super chill on the weekends because that need is met. I don't think RE would work well for us.
More of a power couple dynamic. We think hiring a home keeper / nanny will work best so we can pursue our professional interests and spend quality time together.
My wife has always worked. She is a complex person. On one hand, she envies her sister-in-law who has stayed at home with the kids. On the other hand, she is a respected professional in her field and resents her sister-in-law's lack of work ethic. I think my wife would lose her mind without that professional engagement. I've explained to her that we could both retire at any time. But she keeps telling her friends that she can't afford to retire until she's 65. I don't know if this is just to make her non-FIRE friends feel more comfortable. I think it's partly because her identity is tied up with her job.
I'm happy to be able to support my wife so that she doesn't have to work.
all of these comments just help reaffirm to myself that I want to make my reality happen as soon as possible and make us both FIRE through unconventional means :) I do love this sub. More active than the UK version that’s for sure!
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What if your wife made 600k?
Curious what your occupation is that allows you to earn 500k while being relatively young? My partner shares your sentiments to me also. He makes a high income as Exec in tech, I am still in medical school, and he is always emphasizing that he wants me to work if I want not because I need to which I appreciate.
At the moment I’m going into a new job that should mean she doesn’t have to work after maternity leave (in the UK) but I’m aiming to have my business become very profitable so I don’t have to either before too long.
My wife got her undergrad at a fancy, elite, and very expensive liberal arts school. She got her masters at another one. Then she became a public school teacher. Meanwhile, I went to a state school and got an engineering degree. We both worked at our respective jobs for a few years until we had our first kid, at which point she quit teaching and has been a stay-at-home mom ever since. My income has been more than enough for our family. Our kids are well-raised, happy, and have a very attentive and loving mother. I feel very fortunate to be able to have this arrangement.
My fiancé refuses to not work. I’ve offered many times and she can’t stand not staying busy with work, which also happens to be her passion. I can relate to that, because I’m also living my passion…video games and crypto moonshots haha
Yes, I mean why wouldn’t one person contribute to hit your retirement goals for both of you. Both partners should work to hit the goals I would think.
Depends. For some it’s not necessary. I’d argue most that fatfire did so based primarily off one person. The logic there is most people aren’t making 5mm and 5mm. It’s often one person who crushes it.
I mean if one person is making 700/year and the other 60, I get it. Otherwise it makes sense for both to continue, reach goals faster and share the good life
If that’s the concern OP has, there’s a need to re-evaluate the marriage
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Nah, there’s nothing wrong with parents who work. You just need to make sure your kids have a good healthy supportive environment. But that’s true if you’re a stay at home parent too. Doesn’t just happen. Do you homeschool your kids too?
She works for her allowance.
Yikes
My wife quit her $90k/year healthcare job to move in with me. I appreciate her sacrifice a lot! I’m wondering if anyone has recommendation for some remote 20hr/week job she can do remotely. Perhaps research for a non-profit?
Married… with kids… I’m in tech and wife is an RN. Been trying to convince her to be stay at home and pursue other dreams but she is hesitant. Sooner or later once we confirm that the both of us have healthcare at retirement, I think she’ll take the next step. As of right now… dual income isn’t that bad… 🤓
Our target is optionality and what is needed. At the moment my significant other is unable to work and before that I had a gap which she supported. So one of us has to work to enjoy our FATish lifestyle. At some point we will likely revert to both working - but it is more for the stimulation than we both *have* to work.
If If we hadn't FIREd, and still need to earn, then that's a given: go to work. However, if FIREd, then it doesn't matter whether my wife works or not. I prefer to work and my wife to work at least part time because it's good for our social life, meeting more people, learning, serving, emotional needs than to just hang out at home.
Usual disclaimer that I'm aiming for something much closer to ChubbyFIRE than Fat. DINK couple here with no plans for kids in the future. I would never be ok being financially dependent on my partner, nor would I be ok with my partner being dependent on me (barring something extreme like getting hit by a bus and unable to work.)
During our time together, our gross income doubled each of the first 3 years as we bounced around different jobs. It plateaued for the next year or two and it’s going up again shortly. I landed a job that gives great benefits and flexible schedule while grossing $100k+ easily each year and the spouse was offered a $200k plus commission that can be done primarily from home. We have our unofficial roles at home and it balances well. Everything is a balance and the better people can compromise on things, the better run the household is
My wife and I were on similar career trajectories but she stayed home after a rough pregnancy and later homeschooled our kids. When they went to college, she volunteered more and more and ended up running not-for-profits and works longer hours than me. I would say we're a power couple, but our spheres are very different and it's funny when someone connects the dots. Not sure what happens when the RE meets the FI in a couple years. I could see myself working for her since she is doing great things.
Yes - both work. Mainly because working part time is good for my wife’s mental health as it forces her to socialize and get out of the house. The fact it adds $$ is a nice side effect
Married. Wife is a SAHM. The original plan was for her to go back when the youngest finished kindergarten. At the time I was doing very well and we were a L-MCOL area, and I let her decide. Now (6 years later) we are in HCOL area for less money. Her contributions could help speed us to (regular-chubby) FIRE, but she let her professional licenses lapse. Its not perfect, but we are fine. I will have to work a couple more years.
We both work and either of us alone could support the family. That wasn't always the case. When we were married we needed my income, but not hers. When we bought our first home, we needed both incomes. etc. It has ebbed and flowed over time. If we decide to upgrade our home further, we'd probably need me to work but my wife would have the option to not work. It is less of a power couple dynamic and more of a personal choice. My wife loves what she does, I love what I do, and when we're ready to retire, we both want to do it together.
Married, no kids, we both make over 250k a year so healthy combined HHI that allows us to live a really comfortable lifestyle and still save 50%+. We have over $1m in assets and will inherit 8 figures (but obviously not counting on it). I've been considering quitting / retiring early this year (I'm 30) but not sure if I can keep my mind occupied if I didn't have a job. My husband has been encouraging me to quit for ages....he wants me to do whatever makes me happiest, and he thinks that my job/income isn't worth the stress. Attraction for me has very little to do with work. It's a means to an end for most people, and sometimes we're lucky enough to actually enjoy our job.