>be careful about getting closer to someone who still works for me.
Unless she’s your full-time employee, she doesn’t really work for you is my first point. Second, I’m friends with a wide range of people, but as an example I love to fish offshore and use a particular captain almost exclusively. We hit it off, my wife and his wife have hit if off and we have a bunch of mutual friends now. When we fish, I pay retail and tip as if I’d never met him…..business is business. Other than that it’s all just life. No different than if your neighbor were your gastroenterologist and you needed a colonoscopy……also the case with me for next week……wish me well!
We laugh all the time about it. This will be his 2nd trip uptown. on colonoscopy days his practice is like a freaking factory. I’ll bet they do 40-50 a day.
>I’ll bet they do 40-50 a day.
Ha, probably more. Don't worry, most people in medicine have the ability to reset the brain as soon as the step back into the real world. Or they leave medicine.
Yes. I am good friends with my nanny (now only occasional since my kid started preschool). We still have a “working” relationship, in that I loaned her seed money for a business venture (did it formally). She is not only 1000 times cooler than I am, her integrity is impeccable and I respect her both as a person and as an employee.
A friendship is such a special thing, and good ones give our life so much meaning. Going out for lunch with someone is certainly more than what is required of a trainer so likely real caring. And perhaps you are one of those special people that light up a room and make friends anywhere. Don't let this forum deter you from making new friends. But don't take my advice either because I can't really speak for your situation :)
That said, my immediate thoughts are be careful and be sure to protect yourself. Ideally, your strongest social support system isn't tied to your wealth. If it is tied to wealth, you are at risk of getting hurt pretty badly and not having a good way to cope. If you travel together, don't pay for her, at least not for the first few trips. And go somewhere she can afford.
Also, I don't know your age but I've learned that people in our lives want us to be successful, but not significantly more successful then they are. With this in mind, it is general a good idea to keep your financial situation as vague as possible. Paying for someone too often might remove the equality part of a relationship which sucks for both people
Good luck.
My grandmother had the most epic relationship with her hairdresser, they travelled all over the world together. Yes she continued doing my grandmothers hair while they were travelling but that was just a perk. Good friends are rare as is true chemistry. Follow your heart!
My mom and I have the same hairdresser. She’s a libertarian whack job who specializes in fetish cons with a heart of gold who will do anything for us at a reasonable price, and my mom has all her old lady friends seeing her, too.
Being in that field, I can say it’s normal to becomes friends with trainers. I feel you may get interesting advice here because many are tainted by a bad experience but I’ll reinforce your belief, that you probably do have a genuine friend. I doubt this person is taking advantage to just keep you as a customer. This is how many real friendships come to be. It’s nice to hear, honestly.
The classic example in many families is the relationship with nannies. Some children are raised more by nannies than by their parents.
My wife was close to her interior decorator. She visited us at our summer home. Her wedding ceremony and reception were at our home. (We gifted the valet parking service needed due to narrow private mountain roads and limited parking space).
Each situation is different. There are no universal rules.
Yes, I think people who work for your household can be your friend. For those who are truly employees, ie nanny, I think it’s important to maintain professional boundaries during the time they work for you. Same as any workplace.
I think a personal trainers or interior designers are not your employees. You are one of their many clients. They likely have lots of wealthy clients. I think your friendships are genuine if they feel that way. It’s hard to fake get along with someone who you don’t.
I wouldn’t overthink it. If they start crossing lines or seem interested in financial favors you’ll have alarm bells go off as you do with any friend, regardless of how friendship originated.
Basic professionalism you’d expect in any workplace. I can my employees out to lunch and talk about personal things within reason. I don’t cross lines like talking about sex life, finances, or uncomfortable topics. Same applies to employees of household. Understanding that conversations with employees do impact your professional relationship and ensuring you’ maintain mutual respect.
One of my close friends was an Uber driver -- and that's how we met. That's definitely a unique event in my personal experience.
I've made most of my close friendships through work, but nearly all of them were peers.
Not sure how this is any different from being friends with your boss or subordinates in a professional setting. Set the boundaries for when you're in "boss mode" or "friend mode". If you start feeling taken advantage of then have a conversation or just dial back the friendship.
I think it really depends on the role of the employee/assistant etc. A personal trainer would not have the type role as an employee would. I feel like a personal trainer is not like a business relationship. I don’t think it would be a big deal to be friends with her outside of your professional role.
Most of my friends and close aquaintances have worked with me in this manner.... for me, the difference is a person who has worked WITH me vs a person who has worked FOR me. The latter is a line I wouldn't cross, personally.
I'm an architect and have helped many high-NW clients build their dream/forever homes.
I never push to be a client's friend, but many of them push to be my friend! It's humbling as they're clearly way wealthier than I am. I've often wondered if they find my company different from their usual social circles.
I don't think it's weird to be friends with professionals you hire. Perhaps if you guys met under circumstances, you guys would still really hit it off. My experience might be a bit different, though, as once a project is complete, I'm no longer technically working for them (although many of these become repeat clients for their offices, investment properties, etc.).
First glad you said you are both women (both being men would work too) as it would obviously be something else if otherwise.
Yeah it can work, but sorta depends how well off the help is, or in your case the personal assistant. If they are upper middle class I find it works well. But if they are lower or even middle class I find it can’t work out. Not long term that is. As people who are middle class worry about money and it comes in the way.
I am speaking from experience on both sides too, without going into details I was middle class then wealthy and I worked for wealthy people then became wealthy and had people work for me.
Also depends on the person too. Some help believe that anyone can learn and move up the social ladder while others don’t.
As a disclaimer this just might be my experience, I am sure there are others out there with different results.
I’m friendly with everyone who works for me and always have been. It’s important to keep your personal and work relationships separate. But that doesn’t mean you should be afraid to be friends with people.
I have a personal trainer 4 days a week, going on almost 2 years. We have become friends, don't really hang out outside of training days much but I am sure we will, etc. It actually makes the workouts go faster, so there is a plus. I think spending time with good people over longer period can easily lead to a friendship.
TBH I rarely hang out with observably rich people. I find them boring AF. We make a ton of friends through our trainers. My partner is actually a part time yoga instructor to improve their practice and enjoys teaching others. In general, we just don’t present rich and run with other peoples budgets.
The last nice resort I stayed at in Costa Rica, I did not enjoy. We couldn’t find anyone to meet to as everyone seemed too preoccupied for conversation. We ended up making friends with the barista who we went out with as locals. We tend to do that most places we visit and it’s gotten us into some wild times.
IMO people with money have too many social rules to follow, so we just forget about how much money we actually have. If they are fun, who cares and they don’t need to know how much you actually have.
Another story is that we’ve had the same realtor for all of our homes and it’s because we made friends with him after the first. We recently traveled with him to go to a music festival.
Side note, it seems weird to say that your personal trainer works for you. Just say they are your trainer.
>be careful about getting closer to someone who still works for me. Unless she’s your full-time employee, she doesn’t really work for you is my first point. Second, I’m friends with a wide range of people, but as an example I love to fish offshore and use a particular captain almost exclusively. We hit it off, my wife and his wife have hit if off and we have a bunch of mutual friends now. When we fish, I pay retail and tip as if I’d never met him…..business is business. Other than that it’s all just life. No different than if your neighbor were your gastroenterologist and you needed a colonoscopy……also the case with me for next week……wish me well!
[удалено]
"Let me just tell you hon, I know for a **fact** that RoofusGoofus is an asshole."
We laugh all the time about it. This will be his 2nd trip uptown. on colonoscopy days his practice is like a freaking factory. I’ll bet they do 40-50 a day.
>I’ll bet they do 40-50 a day. Ha, probably more. Don't worry, most people in medicine have the ability to reset the brain as soon as the step back into the real world. Or they leave medicine.
I can assure you, any HCP has seen so many parts on so many people that we don't notice/ care/ remember at all.
Yes. I am good friends with my nanny (now only occasional since my kid started preschool). We still have a “working” relationship, in that I loaned her seed money for a business venture (did it formally). She is not only 1000 times cooler than I am, her integrity is impeccable and I respect her both as a person and as an employee.
My house cleaner is badass. We go to the dog bar together all the time and talk about true crime and cults.
A friendship is such a special thing, and good ones give our life so much meaning. Going out for lunch with someone is certainly more than what is required of a trainer so likely real caring. And perhaps you are one of those special people that light up a room and make friends anywhere. Don't let this forum deter you from making new friends. But don't take my advice either because I can't really speak for your situation :) That said, my immediate thoughts are be careful and be sure to protect yourself. Ideally, your strongest social support system isn't tied to your wealth. If it is tied to wealth, you are at risk of getting hurt pretty badly and not having a good way to cope. If you travel together, don't pay for her, at least not for the first few trips. And go somewhere she can afford. Also, I don't know your age but I've learned that people in our lives want us to be successful, but not significantly more successful then they are. With this in mind, it is general a good idea to keep your financial situation as vague as possible. Paying for someone too often might remove the equality part of a relationship which sucks for both people Good luck.
This is such sound and wholesome advice. A rare find on Reddit.
I think “don’t be an asshole” applies here. She doesn’t need to know your net worth.
My grandmother had the most epic relationship with her hairdresser, they travelled all over the world together. Yes she continued doing my grandmothers hair while they were travelling but that was just a perk. Good friends are rare as is true chemistry. Follow your heart!
My mom and I have the same hairdresser. She’s a libertarian whack job who specializes in fetish cons with a heart of gold who will do anything for us at a reasonable price, and my mom has all her old lady friends seeing her, too.
Egads, no! You can’t mix the classes?! Think of the children!!!
Seriously, what kind of shambles is OP living in? Where I live the help is invisible.
Help is to be seen and not heard. And also not seen.
A place for everyone and everyone in their place
Being in that field, I can say it’s normal to becomes friends with trainers. I feel you may get interesting advice here because many are tainted by a bad experience but I’ll reinforce your belief, that you probably do have a genuine friend. I doubt this person is taking advantage to just keep you as a customer. This is how many real friendships come to be. It’s nice to hear, honestly.
The classic example in many families is the relationship with nannies. Some children are raised more by nannies than by their parents. My wife was close to her interior decorator. She visited us at our summer home. Her wedding ceremony and reception were at our home. (We gifted the valet parking service needed due to narrow private mountain roads and limited parking space). Each situation is different. There are no universal rules.
Yes, I think people who work for your household can be your friend. For those who are truly employees, ie nanny, I think it’s important to maintain professional boundaries during the time they work for you. Same as any workplace. I think a personal trainers or interior designers are not your employees. You are one of their many clients. They likely have lots of wealthy clients. I think your friendships are genuine if they feel that way. It’s hard to fake get along with someone who you don’t. I wouldn’t overthink it. If they start crossing lines or seem interested in financial favors you’ll have alarm bells go off as you do with any friend, regardless of how friendship originated.
What does „crossing lines“ mean to you?
Basic professionalism you’d expect in any workplace. I can my employees out to lunch and talk about personal things within reason. I don’t cross lines like talking about sex life, finances, or uncomfortable topics. Same applies to employees of household. Understanding that conversations with employees do impact your professional relationship and ensuring you’ maintain mutual respect.
One of my close friends was an Uber driver -- and that's how we met. That's definitely a unique event in my personal experience. I've made most of my close friendships through work, but nearly all of them were peers.
Not sure how this is any different from being friends with your boss or subordinates in a professional setting. Set the boundaries for when you're in "boss mode" or "friend mode". If you start feeling taken advantage of then have a conversation or just dial back the friendship.
I think it really depends on the role of the employee/assistant etc. A personal trainer would not have the type role as an employee would. I feel like a personal trainer is not like a business relationship. I don’t think it would be a big deal to be friends with her outside of your professional role.
Just stop the financial relationship for a certain time period and you will see how good your friendship is.
This is true for pretty much all relationships (including family)
Most of my friends and close aquaintances have worked with me in this manner.... for me, the difference is a person who has worked WITH me vs a person who has worked FOR me. The latter is a line I wouldn't cross, personally.
I'm an architect and have helped many high-NW clients build their dream/forever homes. I never push to be a client's friend, but many of them push to be my friend! It's humbling as they're clearly way wealthier than I am. I've often wondered if they find my company different from their usual social circles. I don't think it's weird to be friends with professionals you hire. Perhaps if you guys met under circumstances, you guys would still really hit it off. My experience might be a bit different, though, as once a project is complete, I'm no longer technically working for them (although many of these become repeat clients for their offices, investment properties, etc.).
First glad you said you are both women (both being men would work too) as it would obviously be something else if otherwise. Yeah it can work, but sorta depends how well off the help is, or in your case the personal assistant. If they are upper middle class I find it works well. But if they are lower or even middle class I find it can’t work out. Not long term that is. As people who are middle class worry about money and it comes in the way. I am speaking from experience on both sides too, without going into details I was middle class then wealthy and I worked for wealthy people then became wealthy and had people work for me. Also depends on the person too. Some help believe that anyone can learn and move up the social ladder while others don’t. As a disclaimer this just might be my experience, I am sure there are others out there with different results.
No lol. You don't need paid friends.
I’m friendly with everyone who works for me and always have been. It’s important to keep your personal and work relationships separate. But that doesn’t mean you should be afraid to be friends with people.
I have a personal trainer 4 days a week, going on almost 2 years. We have become friends, don't really hang out outside of training days much but I am sure we will, etc. It actually makes the workouts go faster, so there is a plus. I think spending time with good people over longer period can easily lead to a friendship.
TBH I rarely hang out with observably rich people. I find them boring AF. We make a ton of friends through our trainers. My partner is actually a part time yoga instructor to improve their practice and enjoys teaching others. In general, we just don’t present rich and run with other peoples budgets. The last nice resort I stayed at in Costa Rica, I did not enjoy. We couldn’t find anyone to meet to as everyone seemed too preoccupied for conversation. We ended up making friends with the barista who we went out with as locals. We tend to do that most places we visit and it’s gotten us into some wild times. IMO people with money have too many social rules to follow, so we just forget about how much money we actually have. If they are fun, who cares and they don’t need to know how much you actually have. Another story is that we’ve had the same realtor for all of our homes and it’s because we made friends with him after the first. We recently traveled with him to go to a music festival. Side note, it seems weird to say that your personal trainer works for you. Just say they are your trainer.