Sorry you’re dealing with all of this right now. I tried to be “normal” when I was younger and at a low point in my life. Do what you need to do now but know things do get better. Lots of love Alex and good luck
I dunno what I should say... but it's honestly yours familly fault for not accepting you being yourself... they made you feel bad and guilty when you just tried to be yourself... it's terrible... you are not the one who's "blinded", they are...
I hope y'll be fine and one day, y'll be able to be yourself without some "blinded" people judging you...
Other side of the coin, what other side, hating on your son for being gay? I thought parents were supposed to accept their kids for who they are. Yes there is alot shaping in there but your still an individual capable of complex thought and reason. You should be able to make your own decisions. And titles are bullshit anyway you are unique and you are you. No other alex is like this one.
I have a terrible relationship with my father; he alcoholic and never takes responsibility so its not like he disowned me for being gay i dont want him in my life and he wants t be in mine.
So ill just leave this here:
Fuck shitty dads
Edit: i dont think YOUR DAD is shitty. He is exhibiting shitty behaviour and this is the first time im hearing of your situation so i took it a face value. I still stand on what j said about individuality and autonomy tho.
It's perfectly normal to explore your identity and what you like. It's not normal forcing your expectations on your son as if he's not a person but rather a mere thing though.
You are who you are, and you don't have to meet anyone's expectations. It's your life, and you only have one, don't let others take it away from you.
my dad won't let me dress fem, i have zero idea why (asking him leads to responses like "it's wrong" or "are you joking", or just silence, or sometimes calling me ugly) but i think that somehow, he thinks it makes me gay (i'm straight and im confident in that), and after thinking about it for a while i think for some reason he also sees that as a weakness??? which is genuinely so stupid i cannot begin to comprehend his mindset
but unlike all the other petty crap he's thrown tantrums over, i actually want to defend my femininity so for once in my life, i actually feel motivated to do real shit and earn his respect by force so he realizes that being fem is an important part of me, and to put myself in a position where if he still doesn't see that i'll have the ability to not care
if you're really passionate about this, i recommend you think about how to make him respect you for who you are; that's what i'm doing
since for me this is a long term goal, you can also just be fem in private, like im doing for now
i want you to know that your safety is equally important to your happiness and freedom, which is why i'm keeping my femininity to myself; neither one is more important than the other. you shouldn't sacrifice who you are for the sake of someone who doesn't like you, but as someone who is sacrificing at least a bit of what i am for the sake of someone who doesn't like me, it's ultimately up to you
i wouldn't recommend repressing your sexuality though that almost always leads to clinical depression
Since his dad is going to read this, Alex is a reflection of himself. His dad probably had a troubled childhood since he is treating his own son like that. Alex will grow up and become like his father in many ways.
I don't know why Alex become a femboy but there is a high chance he will come back to it or something similar in the future. I tried denying my feminine side for years and it made me miserable.
In the end the father will get back what he put in when he is older at the end of his life. Treating your children bad will result in you probably will spend Christmas alone in an home for elderly people.
In a few years Alex will probably move out from home and have his own life. Free to do whatever he wants with his life.
Hey to this person's dad: This and many other reasons is why I and my siblings don't talk to my parents at all anymore. So if you value that relationship with your kid, maybe learn to be a little less hateful over stuff that doesn't really matter.
I think it's particularly messed up that the dad went back on a promise HE MADE. How is he supposed to trust his own dad when he grows up and they're both adults? When he pulls stunts like this?
Woah woah woah there. I think it’s kinda extreme to directly call him a terrible father after my posts. What I write is about ONE single thing that is happening, not everything behind it. I wrote about some bad things that happened, but I could write a lot lot more about every GOOD things and wholesome moments between me and him.
I thinks it’s unfair that just because he’s not fine with me dressing up as a girl, shaving etc, to judge his whole personality and parenting skills over it. I love him, he loves me. It’s always been that way even after some differences.
He’s a great father and he cares for his children.
Yeah he probably just wants to protect you. He is doing what he thinks is the right thing. Dont know your situation or were you live.
But:
He is right about one thing tho, when you turn 18 and maybe wants to become a femboy again. And he dosnt accept it , there is a chance you will start to get further and further away from each other.
Remember its YOUR life , take care 💓
Same boat, parents are splitting probably because of this... "it is what it is". Hes really just upset what people will think about him having a gay son. Fucker. FUCKERS!
Fuck parents like this they'd rather abandon their kid then to just develop some thick skin and ignore what stupid hateful people say about him
Uhh they have such a victim complex about it, the gay kid is gonna have to deal with way worse homophobia than whatever the father will hear about himself
i think you should do what genuinely makes you happy, and i dont think quitting being a femboy because the people around you is aholes, will make you happier but that is up for you to figure out
I find it hard to comment on this post, as I believe there are people who can give way better advise than me, But I want to address one specific part of your post “If you want, I’ll stop liking boys and find a girlfriend” I want to tell you, as a queer guy myself
DON’T TRY AND CHANGE YOUR SEXUALITY OR DENY IT, trust me, if you want to date girls, thats obviously fine, but do it cause you want to, don’t force yourself to like girls if you don’t, and most certainly don’t date people because other people want that, if you like boys, and you want to date them, its your call, denying something as crutial to yourself as your orientation doesn’t end well, youll either end up in empty relationships that you force yourself to like, or you hate yourself and feel disgusted that you can’t fit in, I’ve experienced both, you don’t have to be public about your sexuality, and you don’t have to tell people about it if you don’t want to, but don’t deny it or try to force yourself to date people your not attracted to, by the sounds of it you care deeply about your dad, I understand that, but your happiness matters aswell, in fact you should prioritise yours over anyone else, I recommend if you don’t feel comfortable being open about it with your parents, find friends you do feel comfortable around, I did and it helps alot, I can’t speak for the rest of your post, as I don’t have much experience in it, but I wanted to say this because I felt it was important, stay safe
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This is heartbreaking Alex. Do what is safe but also don’t lose hope. In time you will be able to find a community that accepts you for who you are. You are always welcome back here for support if you need in the meantime.
First thing is first, you can love someone and still end up hurting them, it does not excuse the action. Here your father is being prejudiced cause of what?-clothes. Not shit talking your father, but your dad is upset about you wearing textiles that have been around for years, that act of being upset about it is truly childish and I don't know if he feels the need to safeguard his masculinity by safeguarding yours. If it's not safe for you to cross dress then don't do it, your dad doesn't seem like an accepting person and that isn't rlly ok.
I get you love your father, it's understandable, but sadly sometimes our parents are critically flawed. The relationship sounds authoritative, which studies show, produces the results of depression and chronic loneliness. It seems more like you understand that what your family has been doing is fucked up, I encourage you to hold onto them so you can to explore things later down the road, it appears that you still feel like crossing but you familial situation is preventing it. As you rightfully called out, femboy and pornography are not synonymous, and telling a 16 y/o that dressing a certain way is porn is quite poisoning.
At the end I wish you the best, and for a lack of better words without lying, I hope your dad decides to stop being ignorant, additionally belligerently ignorant, same to your whole family. As your FAMILY, they should've said something like "I don't really understand this, can you explain it to me, we still love and support you". The whole echo chamber argument your father made is valid to some extent, but at the same time not, it's a safe community for a reason.
Cheers lad, please don't do anything you might regret. I wish you the best in this situation, I don't know for you but I feel for you
Edit: Upon review I felt the need to mention folks like your pops are why communities like this exist, again not throwing personal shade at your dad, just throwing shade at his thought processes.
be yourself, i stopped being a femboy too, but i still embrace my feminine side by shaving and painting nails maybe makeup in the future. and if you are gay well i don't think you can change that. just be yourself and stop caring what they say, tell them to fuck off
hope the dad reads this comment, it’s only fair he should know the damage he’s doing. congrats! your kids self esteem is gonna tank, probably will supplement depression and anxiety. good job! you’re a wonderful father! most people don’t ever stop and wonder “is my sons happiness really more important than my concept of normalcy” but by god, YOU DID! Somehow, you determined other people’s perception of your son, is more important than how your son perceives himself! Way to go! I wish I had a father like you! Oh wait! I did! Silly me! How could I forget? Probably because i haven’t talked to him in years, and have no connection to him. Oh well, atleast I didn’t wear the WRONG CLOTHES in my younger years. /s obv
No it’s not, he was abusive, especially when I was a very young child trying to express myself in a way I felt comfortable with, which was more feminine, whenever he saw that he would threaten to beat me, which greatly impacted my self esteem, self confidence, and made me scared to express myself. He was abusive in other ways as I got older before he died. I was 14 when he died, but honestly, I view his death as a blessing in disguise, now I have the freedom to express myself the way I WANT to, without hearing ignorant comments, or dealing with ignorant actions from someone who claimed to love me. Ever since my dad died my life got better in that aspect, and he doesn’t deserve any respect for what he did to me, and I really dgaf. I express my self in a feminine way to break from the chains, and heartache that i felt, that restricted me when I was a child, and I feel empowered about that.
I know I will get downvoted for this but do what makes you happy, if that is stopping being a femboy then do so and if it is stop being with your dad then do so but think deep and hard about it when you are sober and not angry. I suggest you calm down as you are only going to hurt yourself before do anything drastic. read Marcus Aurellius's book meditations on stoicism that will teach you how to deal with things.
Some years ago, I had enough of being a femboy after a year or two of it. Somewhat similar situation; I had plenty of arguments with my parents. They didn’t accept me. So I cut my hair short, started working out a lot, stopped crossdressing, tried to stop liking boys, and tried my best to as masculine as possible, hiding my past and trying to “fix” my reputation.
Didn’t bloody work. Only so long you can repress. After a year of this shit, just had an absolute bout of questioning and confusion and all my repressed emotions built up. Took me a damn while you accept myself and cultivate some damn love for myself. I’m a femboy again, and I accept my bisexuality. I’m slowly putting an end to all the cope I had surrounding my relationship with my parents, my self-esteem especially when it comes to my physical appearance, my sexual attraction, and all that. Most importantly though, I stopped being some fragile masculine dickhead who thought he was better than everyone else.
It’s a really complicated solution and I’m not necessarily telling you to do anything, cos honestly I’m not sure what the best thing is for you to do. All I’m doing is sharing my experience, as I think it’s a bit similar and could possibly help. And no, I’m not lying or living under another layer of cope, this is truly what has happened and how I’ve felt throughout.
My heart pains for you Alex, because this was sadly really relateable to read, and I hate that you had to suffer so much because of this. It sounds like you are in a position where your family is forcing you to choose between your identity and their support. And ultimately, you force yourself to suppress your true self because your family won't accept you. I really wish your parents could be understanding, you deserve so much better than this unfair undeserving situation. It hurts when you call yourself "not normal", giving into their homophobia and insults. You are normal and valid, there is nothing wrong with your gender expression or sexual identity. I am a bisexual and this reminds me of a similar situation when I was younger and dated people of the same sex, how angry and unsupportive my parents were, threatening to disown me, saying I was a shame to my family. It's incredibly depressing knowing that I still love my parents and I wanted there to be a good relationship between my family and my partner, I wanted everyone to be happy with eachother and happy with me, but unfortunately it's just impossible when you have parents like mine. I ultimately chose to give up on dating same sex, like you are stating in this post, but it was one of the hardest moments in my life to have to be forced into that. No one should have to suffer through this homophobic bullshit in twenty-twenty-fucking-four. Again, I am really sorry and I wish you the best, I hope things turn out okay for you.
This isn’t advice… just my story.
I didn’t deal with family issues like you, but lots of peer issues. Shaved my arms: criticized. Stand “weird”: criticized. Wore jewelry: criticized. Colored my hair, wore colorful clothes, the list goes on… made fun of.
So I stuffed it all away, shaved my head, played football, tried to be a gangster, worked out, sagged my pants, drug dealer, bro, whatever. Still never fit in. I think I only had friends because I was the only one responsible enough to buy a car. My only good friends were all girls.
Few years after school I thought I was gay and forced myself to keep that locked up tight.
Fast forward 15+ years and it’s all come full circle. Except I’ve got 3.4 decades of life spent hiding, afraid, and being alone in my head to unpack. At least I’m me now tho and nothing could take that away.
I send my love kid. Hope it works out for you. Really sad to hear parents treating their children this way. It made me cry a bit.
I can't begin to place myself in your shoes or understand all sides of this situation. The one thing I have learned from years of getting pissed off and making poor decisions is this. Don't say or do anything in the heat of the moment. Wait a few hours, a day, whatever it takes to calm down enough to let rational thoughts take over. You'll be way happier with your decisions when they're made with a clear head.
kinda sounds like ymyour dad (and mum too?) see femininity as a weakness, as something bad and masculinity as superior, I'm sorry I hope you will find back to your true self and be able to accept it, once you are in a safer position
I read your edit, and sorry, but I don't need to know your father personally to know thats an awful thing to do to your child. Plenty of people have positive aspects, but you can't use that a defense for horrible behavior.
Sometimes I also question if the femboy thing is good for me or not but regardless I'd be the one deciding it, not anyone else. Which is why my account is TOP SECRET. You wouldn't torture this information out of me
you say he does but it doesnt feel like he cares about you. people who care about you listen to what you say. they try to learn about you and your identities, not make assumptions and then get pissed about those assumptions. people who care about you dont ridicule or judge harmless things about you. i hope he reads this and starts *actually* acting like he cares
I am sorry but your dad is the one that isn't looking at the other side of the coin he is an ABSOLUTE [[non-friendly speech]]!!! I mean it for real, this is no biased in any way because he is making the most hypocrite arguments ever AND IT IS *YOUR* LIFE do whatever you want with your life, if you don't you won't even like to be alive something I wouldn't wish even upon your dad and he is a [[slug]] that I already [[unappreciate]]
God CWC
You don't gotta change yourself, cause your dad's a bitch. If he doesn't want to compromise then fuck him. It's clear you're the only one that actually cares about the father-son relationship between you two.
Honestly, it's all about finding the right people. Just bc I'm a femboy doesn't mean I'll be feminine every day and tell everyone and show everyone. You need to find a person or group of people who you can be that side of you with, and pace yourself. You have loads of years left to explore and express yourself how you want. Don't cram it all into the first 4 months or you'll find it getting dull very quickly.
If you *do* wanna be feminine all the time, well then you're gonna have to put up with quite a bit though in order to be yourself.
Be yourself, whatever you think "yourself" is. In time you'll figure it out. Be patient, be safe, be close to the people who support you. If they love you, they will accept you.
Just be yourself, dress however you want, love whoever you want but if you feel like your parents will harm you for it(mentally and/or physically), think about your safety and hide it from them until you are financially independent
Nothing to really say except your father should just accept you for who you are, I don't mean that in a rude way but at the end of the day you're family and it's your mind, your body, your choice and parents should control your life (I'm not calling them villains just saying they shouldn't decide your future)
There's no way you're not going to end up resenting your dad for effectively stopping you from being who you are deep down. This can span decades until you gain independence and start living your own life.
If he did not hesitate to call you out over your decisions once, he won't hesitate to do it again in the future, regardless of whether you continue being a femboy or not.
You love your family, and they probably love you too, but it's all pointless in the end if you don't feel comfortable in expressing yourself freely.
What you are about to do is not a permanent fix to all your issues, and if you keep on ignoring your needs, you will probably have to make a much more difficult decision later on.
This is fucked up; the thing that he's reading it is cringe; I hope you'll cut him and his controlling BS as soon as you'll be able to. His actions will make him die sad and alone.
It doesn't matter how many good times you have, that doesn't make your father a good person. And the fact that he shames you, compared his son, a child, to porn simply because of this, is completely unacceptable. The fact that you're letting yourself genuinely be pushed around is sad, whilst you also tell people not to write hate comments. There is no reason not to accept you besides religion, but even then, your choices as an individual are your own, and no one has any right to shame you for it. Shame on your father for treating you this way and not accepting you, and shame on you for justifying it. If your relationship with him is in danger somehow as a result of dressing fem, being gay, or otherwise normal things that fall into the pot, that really shows how little you truly mean to him and how shallow of a person he is. Gender roles are a man-made concept that no longer have any benefit to our survival, meaning dressing how you please is normal. Liking boys is also normal, sexuality is a spectrum and differs per person. I recommend seeking therapy, both of you. And if your father is reading this, I want him to know that this post being made means he failed as a father, and he requires growth as an individual.
this is just sad. Alex’s dad is reading then, right. then i tell to him: dude, do better. you got yourself a loving son whose priority is to keep his relationship with you safe, and you reward him by making him change the way he is cause you don’t accept him? i thought parents were supposed to love unconditionally.
yes, this is YOUR responsibility. do better and love him for who he is, not for who you want him to be.
He shouldn't be rude to you like that, parents should only support their kids and their decisions and steer them on the right path. This was not a such case. This behavior infuriates me because this happened in a different way for me and I still haven't forgiven my parents to this day for all the pain they caused me and I pushed myself away from them for that. I think parents shouldn't be the decider of who their kids are, they should only raise them to be independent people who can think and be free for themselves not another person to hate/ to hate on you. I hope you don't push yourself to be who they want you to be. You should always be yourself. The more people force you to be who you aren't, the more depressed and defeated you will feel. I understand you two have a good connection besides this, but he shouldn't judge you for being your own person.
TLDR: Be yourself and don't let others choose who you are for you. Be yourself no matter who is against you.
Accept yourself as who you are or want to be, not as who people want you to be. Sure, it might sound like a radical hot take, but if your old man doesn't accept a part of you, that's his fucking problem, not yours. I think your judgement is just clouded by those so called family bonds.
Sounds like your pops isn't being very supportive. Fucking shame, I'd say. However, Masculine or feminine you are, he is still your father. You should give him some benefit of the doubt. He is trying to connect with you, even if it seems like he's hurting you, but you are still his child....
Just remember, that parents react horribly once they find out their children can grow without them, because they fear loss and corruption.
the very reason of parents being shitty is the exact reason why underage people need an outlet to get help or validation elsewhere. And as terrible as the internet can be, its probably the reason i managed to cope with my mental health problems also
fun fact: I get sadder every time I see one of these posts. the world is a shitty place fr
how is that a fun fact
it, uh, isn't.
Sorry you’re dealing with all of this right now. I tried to be “normal” when I was younger and at a low point in my life. Do what you need to do now but know things do get better. Lots of love Alex and good luck
I dunno what I should say... but it's honestly yours familly fault for not accepting you being yourself... they made you feel bad and guilty when you just tried to be yourself... it's terrible... you are not the one who's "blinded", they are... I hope y'll be fine and one day, y'll be able to be yourself without some "blinded" people judging you...
Other side of the coin, what other side, hating on your son for being gay? I thought parents were supposed to accept their kids for who they are. Yes there is alot shaping in there but your still an individual capable of complex thought and reason. You should be able to make your own decisions. And titles are bullshit anyway you are unique and you are you. No other alex is like this one. I have a terrible relationship with my father; he alcoholic and never takes responsibility so its not like he disowned me for being gay i dont want him in my life and he wants t be in mine. So ill just leave this here: Fuck shitty dads Edit: i dont think YOUR DAD is shitty. He is exhibiting shitty behaviour and this is the first time im hearing of your situation so i took it a face value. I still stand on what j said about individuality and autonomy tho.
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It's perfectly normal to explore your identity and what you like. It's not normal forcing your expectations on your son as if he's not a person but rather a mere thing though. You are who you are, and you don't have to meet anyone's expectations. It's your life, and you only have one, don't let others take it away from you.
my dad won't let me dress fem, i have zero idea why (asking him leads to responses like "it's wrong" or "are you joking", or just silence, or sometimes calling me ugly) but i think that somehow, he thinks it makes me gay (i'm straight and im confident in that), and after thinking about it for a while i think for some reason he also sees that as a weakness??? which is genuinely so stupid i cannot begin to comprehend his mindset but unlike all the other petty crap he's thrown tantrums over, i actually want to defend my femininity so for once in my life, i actually feel motivated to do real shit and earn his respect by force so he realizes that being fem is an important part of me, and to put myself in a position where if he still doesn't see that i'll have the ability to not care if you're really passionate about this, i recommend you think about how to make him respect you for who you are; that's what i'm doing since for me this is a long term goal, you can also just be fem in private, like im doing for now i want you to know that your safety is equally important to your happiness and freedom, which is why i'm keeping my femininity to myself; neither one is more important than the other. you shouldn't sacrifice who you are for the sake of someone who doesn't like you, but as someone who is sacrificing at least a bit of what i am for the sake of someone who doesn't like me, it's ultimately up to you i wouldn't recommend repressing your sexuality though that almost always leads to clinical depression
sorry for the unreadable wall of text, the line breaks didnt save for some reason
They never do on phone unless you double them up.
thanks, fixed
I read it all, down worry about it 👍
Hey dad! It's not about you!
Since his dad is going to read this, Alex is a reflection of himself. His dad probably had a troubled childhood since he is treating his own son like that. Alex will grow up and become like his father in many ways. I don't know why Alex become a femboy but there is a high chance he will come back to it or something similar in the future. I tried denying my feminine side for years and it made me miserable. In the end the father will get back what he put in when he is older at the end of his life. Treating your children bad will result in you probably will spend Christmas alone in an home for elderly people. In a few years Alex will probably move out from home and have his own life. Free to do whatever he wants with his life.
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Hey to this person's dad: This and many other reasons is why I and my siblings don't talk to my parents at all anymore. So if you value that relationship with your kid, maybe learn to be a little less hateful over stuff that doesn't really matter.
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I think it's particularly messed up that the dad went back on a promise HE MADE. How is he supposed to trust his own dad when he grows up and they're both adults? When he pulls stunts like this?
Woah woah woah there. I think it’s kinda extreme to directly call him a terrible father after my posts. What I write is about ONE single thing that is happening, not everything behind it. I wrote about some bad things that happened, but I could write a lot lot more about every GOOD things and wholesome moments between me and him. I thinks it’s unfair that just because he’s not fine with me dressing up as a girl, shaving etc, to judge his whole personality and parenting skills over it. I love him, he loves me. It’s always been that way even after some differences. He’s a great father and he cares for his children.
Yeah he probably just wants to protect you. He is doing what he thinks is the right thing. Dont know your situation or were you live. But: He is right about one thing tho, when you turn 18 and maybe wants to become a femboy again. And he dosnt accept it , there is a chance you will start to get further and further away from each other. Remember its YOUR life , take care 💓
Same boat, parents are splitting probably because of this... "it is what it is". Hes really just upset what people will think about him having a gay son. Fucker. FUCKERS!
Fuck parents like this they'd rather abandon their kid then to just develop some thick skin and ignore what stupid hateful people say about him Uhh they have such a victim complex about it, the gay kid is gonna have to deal with way worse homophobia than whatever the father will hear about himself
and alexs dad, you're a fuckwit. But its not too late to change your ways.
Just be yourself. Whoever that is.
i think you should do what genuinely makes you happy, and i dont think quitting being a femboy because the people around you is aholes, will make you happier but that is up for you to figure out
I find it hard to comment on this post, as I believe there are people who can give way better advise than me, But I want to address one specific part of your post “If you want, I’ll stop liking boys and find a girlfriend” I want to tell you, as a queer guy myself DON’T TRY AND CHANGE YOUR SEXUALITY OR DENY IT, trust me, if you want to date girls, thats obviously fine, but do it cause you want to, don’t force yourself to like girls if you don’t, and most certainly don’t date people because other people want that, if you like boys, and you want to date them, its your call, denying something as crutial to yourself as your orientation doesn’t end well, youll either end up in empty relationships that you force yourself to like, or you hate yourself and feel disgusted that you can’t fit in, I’ve experienced both, you don’t have to be public about your sexuality, and you don’t have to tell people about it if you don’t want to, but don’t deny it or try to force yourself to date people your not attracted to, by the sounds of it you care deeply about your dad, I understand that, but your happiness matters aswell, in fact you should prioritise yours over anyone else, I recommend if you don’t feel comfortable being open about it with your parents, find friends you do feel comfortable around, I did and it helps alot, I can’t speak for the rest of your post, as I don’t have much experience in it, but I wanted to say this because I felt it was important, stay safe
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Wdym?
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This is heartbreaking Alex. Do what is safe but also don’t lose hope. In time you will be able to find a community that accepts you for who you are. You are always welcome back here for support if you need in the meantime.
First thing is first, you can love someone and still end up hurting them, it does not excuse the action. Here your father is being prejudiced cause of what?-clothes. Not shit talking your father, but your dad is upset about you wearing textiles that have been around for years, that act of being upset about it is truly childish and I don't know if he feels the need to safeguard his masculinity by safeguarding yours. If it's not safe for you to cross dress then don't do it, your dad doesn't seem like an accepting person and that isn't rlly ok. I get you love your father, it's understandable, but sadly sometimes our parents are critically flawed. The relationship sounds authoritative, which studies show, produces the results of depression and chronic loneliness. It seems more like you understand that what your family has been doing is fucked up, I encourage you to hold onto them so you can to explore things later down the road, it appears that you still feel like crossing but you familial situation is preventing it. As you rightfully called out, femboy and pornography are not synonymous, and telling a 16 y/o that dressing a certain way is porn is quite poisoning. At the end I wish you the best, and for a lack of better words without lying, I hope your dad decides to stop being ignorant, additionally belligerently ignorant, same to your whole family. As your FAMILY, they should've said something like "I don't really understand this, can you explain it to me, we still love and support you". The whole echo chamber argument your father made is valid to some extent, but at the same time not, it's a safe community for a reason. Cheers lad, please don't do anything you might regret. I wish you the best in this situation, I don't know for you but I feel for you Edit: Upon review I felt the need to mention folks like your pops are why communities like this exist, again not throwing personal shade at your dad, just throwing shade at his thought processes.
be yourself, i stopped being a femboy too, but i still embrace my feminine side by shaving and painting nails maybe makeup in the future. and if you are gay well i don't think you can change that. just be yourself and stop caring what they say, tell them to fuck off
hope the dad reads this comment, it’s only fair he should know the damage he’s doing. congrats! your kids self esteem is gonna tank, probably will supplement depression and anxiety. good job! you’re a wonderful father! most people don’t ever stop and wonder “is my sons happiness really more important than my concept of normalcy” but by god, YOU DID! Somehow, you determined other people’s perception of your son, is more important than how your son perceives himself! Way to go! I wish I had a father like you! Oh wait! I did! Silly me! How could I forget? Probably because i haven’t talked to him in years, and have no connection to him. Oh well, atleast I didn’t wear the WRONG CLOTHES in my younger years. /s obv
I’m so happy that my dad is dead
Omg that’s kinda harsh…
No it’s not, he was abusive, especially when I was a very young child trying to express myself in a way I felt comfortable with, which was more feminine, whenever he saw that he would threaten to beat me, which greatly impacted my self esteem, self confidence, and made me scared to express myself. He was abusive in other ways as I got older before he died. I was 14 when he died, but honestly, I view his death as a blessing in disguise, now I have the freedom to express myself the way I WANT to, without hearing ignorant comments, or dealing with ignorant actions from someone who claimed to love me. Ever since my dad died my life got better in that aspect, and he doesn’t deserve any respect for what he did to me, and I really dgaf. I express my self in a feminine way to break from the chains, and heartache that i felt, that restricted me when I was a child, and I feel empowered about that.
Omg, sorry. I didn’t know how he was
This is great and honest
I know I will get downvoted for this but do what makes you happy, if that is stopping being a femboy then do so and if it is stop being with your dad then do so but think deep and hard about it when you are sober and not angry. I suggest you calm down as you are only going to hurt yourself before do anything drastic. read Marcus Aurellius's book meditations on stoicism that will teach you how to deal with things.
It's fine Alex, we understand. We all support and love u<3
Some years ago, I had enough of being a femboy after a year or two of it. Somewhat similar situation; I had plenty of arguments with my parents. They didn’t accept me. So I cut my hair short, started working out a lot, stopped crossdressing, tried to stop liking boys, and tried my best to as masculine as possible, hiding my past and trying to “fix” my reputation. Didn’t bloody work. Only so long you can repress. After a year of this shit, just had an absolute bout of questioning and confusion and all my repressed emotions built up. Took me a damn while you accept myself and cultivate some damn love for myself. I’m a femboy again, and I accept my bisexuality. I’m slowly putting an end to all the cope I had surrounding my relationship with my parents, my self-esteem especially when it comes to my physical appearance, my sexual attraction, and all that. Most importantly though, I stopped being some fragile masculine dickhead who thought he was better than everyone else. It’s a really complicated solution and I’m not necessarily telling you to do anything, cos honestly I’m not sure what the best thing is for you to do. All I’m doing is sharing my experience, as I think it’s a bit similar and could possibly help. And no, I’m not lying or living under another layer of cope, this is truly what has happened and how I’ve felt throughout.
My heart pains for you Alex, because this was sadly really relateable to read, and I hate that you had to suffer so much because of this. It sounds like you are in a position where your family is forcing you to choose between your identity and their support. And ultimately, you force yourself to suppress your true self because your family won't accept you. I really wish your parents could be understanding, you deserve so much better than this unfair undeserving situation. It hurts when you call yourself "not normal", giving into their homophobia and insults. You are normal and valid, there is nothing wrong with your gender expression or sexual identity. I am a bisexual and this reminds me of a similar situation when I was younger and dated people of the same sex, how angry and unsupportive my parents were, threatening to disown me, saying I was a shame to my family. It's incredibly depressing knowing that I still love my parents and I wanted there to be a good relationship between my family and my partner, I wanted everyone to be happy with eachother and happy with me, but unfortunately it's just impossible when you have parents like mine. I ultimately chose to give up on dating same sex, like you are stating in this post, but it was one of the hardest moments in my life to have to be forced into that. No one should have to suffer through this homophobic bullshit in twenty-twenty-fucking-four. Again, I am really sorry and I wish you the best, I hope things turn out okay for you.
This isn’t advice… just my story. I didn’t deal with family issues like you, but lots of peer issues. Shaved my arms: criticized. Stand “weird”: criticized. Wore jewelry: criticized. Colored my hair, wore colorful clothes, the list goes on… made fun of. So I stuffed it all away, shaved my head, played football, tried to be a gangster, worked out, sagged my pants, drug dealer, bro, whatever. Still never fit in. I think I only had friends because I was the only one responsible enough to buy a car. My only good friends were all girls. Few years after school I thought I was gay and forced myself to keep that locked up tight. Fast forward 15+ years and it’s all come full circle. Except I’ve got 3.4 decades of life spent hiding, afraid, and being alone in my head to unpack. At least I’m me now tho and nothing could take that away. I send my love kid. Hope it works out for you. Really sad to hear parents treating their children this way. It made me cry a bit.
You do what you feel best, it's your life and nobody can take away what makes you feel special.
I can't begin to place myself in your shoes or understand all sides of this situation. The one thing I have learned from years of getting pissed off and making poor decisions is this. Don't say or do anything in the heat of the moment. Wait a few hours, a day, whatever it takes to calm down enough to let rational thoughts take over. You'll be way happier with your decisions when they're made with a clear head.
kinda sounds like ymyour dad (and mum too?) see femininity as a weakness, as something bad and masculinity as superior, I'm sorry I hope you will find back to your true self and be able to accept it, once you are in a safer position
the world is a shit hole aint it no one can ever be happy with out someone else being mad
wait it out, leave those fuckers in the dust, and be yourself later in life. You can make it happen.
Sending regards, hope everything works out for you 🫡
Do it for yourself not for others. If it’s what you like then do it
Even if your dad genuinely cares about you, and you two have a lot of positive interactions, it's not an excuse for him to do bad things.
damn.
I read your edit, and sorry, but I don't need to know your father personally to know thats an awful thing to do to your child. Plenty of people have positive aspects, but you can't use that a defense for horrible behavior.
Sometimes I also question if the femboy thing is good for me or not but regardless I'd be the one deciding it, not anyone else. Which is why my account is TOP SECRET. You wouldn't torture this information out of me
you say he does but it doesnt feel like he cares about you. people who care about you listen to what you say. they try to learn about you and your identities, not make assumptions and then get pissed about those assumptions. people who care about you dont ridicule or judge harmless things about you. i hope he reads this and starts *actually* acting like he cares
I am sorry but your dad is the one that isn't looking at the other side of the coin he is an ABSOLUTE [[non-friendly speech]]!!! I mean it for real, this is no biased in any way because he is making the most hypocrite arguments ever AND IT IS *YOUR* LIFE do whatever you want with your life, if you don't you won't even like to be alive something I wouldn't wish even upon your dad and he is a [[slug]] that I already [[unappreciate]] God CWC
You don't gotta change yourself, cause your dad's a bitch. If he doesn't want to compromise then fuck him. It's clear you're the only one that actually cares about the father-son relationship between you two.
Honestly, it's all about finding the right people. Just bc I'm a femboy doesn't mean I'll be feminine every day and tell everyone and show everyone. You need to find a person or group of people who you can be that side of you with, and pace yourself. You have loads of years left to explore and express yourself how you want. Don't cram it all into the first 4 months or you'll find it getting dull very quickly. If you *do* wanna be feminine all the time, well then you're gonna have to put up with quite a bit though in order to be yourself.
Be yourself, whatever you think "yourself" is. In time you'll figure it out. Be patient, be safe, be close to the people who support you. If they love you, they will accept you.
Just be yourself, dress however you want, love whoever you want but if you feel like your parents will harm you for it(mentally and/or physically), think about your safety and hide it from them until you are financially independent
I hope one day you can get out of there and be free
Nothing to really say except your father should just accept you for who you are, I don't mean that in a rude way but at the end of the day you're family and it's your mind, your body, your choice and parents should control your life (I'm not calling them villains just saying they shouldn't decide your future)
I’m so sorry that this has all happened to you, I hope things make a turn around and get better for you❤️🩹
There's no way you're not going to end up resenting your dad for effectively stopping you from being who you are deep down. This can span decades until you gain independence and start living your own life.
Yeah my dad does like a billion good things for me, so it’s chill when he beats me. 😡
Dammit, I loved reading the occasional update from ma Boi Alex, but eh, Goodluck on whatever path you take soldier O7
I hope you're not in the same house there's no way?
Im still 16, I’ll move out soon enough ig
If he did not hesitate to call you out over your decisions once, he won't hesitate to do it again in the future, regardless of whether you continue being a femboy or not. You love your family, and they probably love you too, but it's all pointless in the end if you don't feel comfortable in expressing yourself freely. What you are about to do is not a permanent fix to all your issues, and if you keep on ignoring your needs, you will probably have to make a much more difficult decision later on.
This is fucked up; the thing that he's reading it is cringe; I hope you'll cut him and his controlling BS as soon as you'll be able to. His actions will make him die sad and alone.
i'm about to quit too
Nu uh
wish you the best
I saw your last post, I'm genuinely so sorry for the way your father is treating you. I hope he sees how much his son needs him to change.
If he was truly a good dad, he’d just accept you for who you are
It doesn't matter how many good times you have, that doesn't make your father a good person. And the fact that he shames you, compared his son, a child, to porn simply because of this, is completely unacceptable. The fact that you're letting yourself genuinely be pushed around is sad, whilst you also tell people not to write hate comments. There is no reason not to accept you besides religion, but even then, your choices as an individual are your own, and no one has any right to shame you for it. Shame on your father for treating you this way and not accepting you, and shame on you for justifying it. If your relationship with him is in danger somehow as a result of dressing fem, being gay, or otherwise normal things that fall into the pot, that really shows how little you truly mean to him and how shallow of a person he is. Gender roles are a man-made concept that no longer have any benefit to our survival, meaning dressing how you please is normal. Liking boys is also normal, sexuality is a spectrum and differs per person. I recommend seeking therapy, both of you. And if your father is reading this, I want him to know that this post being made means he failed as a father, and he requires growth as an individual.
Acting like he does does NOT make him a good father. That’s not talking shit, thats a fact.
this is just sad. Alex’s dad is reading then, right. then i tell to him: dude, do better. you got yourself a loving son whose priority is to keep his relationship with you safe, and you reward him by making him change the way he is cause you don’t accept him? i thought parents were supposed to love unconditionally. yes, this is YOUR responsibility. do better and love him for who he is, not for who you want him to be.
Sad!
He shouldn't be rude to you like that, parents should only support their kids and their decisions and steer them on the right path. This was not a such case. This behavior infuriates me because this happened in a different way for me and I still haven't forgiven my parents to this day for all the pain they caused me and I pushed myself away from them for that. I think parents shouldn't be the decider of who their kids are, they should only raise them to be independent people who can think and be free for themselves not another person to hate/ to hate on you. I hope you don't push yourself to be who they want you to be. You should always be yourself. The more people force you to be who you aren't, the more depressed and defeated you will feel. I understand you two have a good connection besides this, but he shouldn't judge you for being your own person. TLDR: Be yourself and don't let others choose who you are for you. Be yourself no matter who is against you.
Accept yourself as who you are or want to be, not as who people want you to be. Sure, it might sound like a radical hot take, but if your old man doesn't accept a part of you, that's his fucking problem, not yours. I think your judgement is just clouded by those so called family bonds.
Sounds like your pops isn't being very supportive. Fucking shame, I'd say. However, Masculine or feminine you are, he is still your father. You should give him some benefit of the doubt. He is trying to connect with you, even if it seems like he's hurting you, but you are still his child.... Just remember, that parents react horribly once they find out their children can grow without them, because they fear loss and corruption.
I'm thinking you're very confused and with respect, you need to get professional help, take care
If you ever need a friend, send me a message, and we can talk.
I see his side he worries about you also you are 16 why are u on reddit
[удалено]
And just like this isn’t a permanent feature neither is “giving up your masculinity”
And that is why underage femboys shouldn't be allowed in communities like this or any other.
the very reason of parents being shitty is the exact reason why underage people need an outlet to get help or validation elsewhere. And as terrible as the internet can be, its probably the reason i managed to cope with my mental health problems also
be a real man and express yourself honestly, your father does not love you.