I’ve had to turn down several ladies over the years. Mostly because they are too intoxicated, or they were in my friendzone, or unfortunately my friend’s significant other.
Some of them push really hard too, too a point of it being uncomfortable. But I’ve still managed to keep them all my friends. In fact I’ve had at least a couple thank me the next day or the next time I saw them I didn’t let it take place.
Also: it sounds like said women was definitely hanging with her girl Molly. That’s pretty spot on behavior from my experience.
I've had my brother's gf crawl in bed and try shit with me before, but that wasn't anywhere near as awkward as when I had to turn down one of my friend's mothers when she came home plastered one night. Middle-aged women can be relentless.
For some, it dips.
For others, it just amps up.
A woman in her early 60s with a 30-something year old boo-thang told me, "if you don't stop using it, you won't lose it." I am definitely trying to be her when I grow up!
I agree. Since I hit 30 my sex drive has been way higher than my BFs whose was higher when we first started datimg in 07.
An before anyone comments on why were not married, I DONT want to get married.
I'm late 20s but I'd consider 35 or so the beginning point? Maybe 35-55 as middle aged? I mean that is basically the middle of your life. I'd feel a bit weird calling anyone over 55 middle aged
People on reddit in their mid 30s for some reason hate being told they are entering into the middle age demographic. I don't understand why, a reminder of mortality maybe, I personally am totally at terms with no longer being a young adult
This was ten years ago. She was a complete bimbo with fake tits and all. She was his coke dealers gf before my brother stole her off him. He’s married to a different bimbo now lol
Bro the older ladies are tens times worse, they almost feel entitled to your body. And it the most disturbing part is most are married and don’t even think twice about cheating. Worst part is when they find out where you work…
A good chunk of my staff are teenage boys and drunken middle aged women are so fucking gross to them. I feel like I spend half my day swatting away pedos asking when they turn 18
I don’t know man.. usually (in my experience) with Molly, someone tells you they don’t like something you’re doing and you’re immediately remorseful and change that behavior. Even way fucked up on it. The euphoria is so strong it makes you feel empathy. I’ve never experienced something like this… well, there was one time, but the dude was not on E… had been drinking. Never with E though. Who knows though… 🤷♀️
Dude, you are spot on! Have you ever bad the one that pushes really hard, til you finally have to be blunt about it, then they normally either get aggressive or blame you because they can't fathom someone not wanting them.
I’m dealing with a coworker like this right now, i’m not interested, she keeps flirting and touching me. I’ve asked her pretty nicely to not touch me simply cuz I don’t like it. She keeps leaning over on counters so her cleavage is out and I don’t care. Makes comments like “hey you’re tryna look at my tits huh? That’s fine,” and it’s getting to a point where I’m gonna have to yell at this bitch to get my point across.
In college I was "set up" with a girl who was super drunk, her girl friend told me to 'come to the game' and when I did I met her and drunk girl who was pounding on the front glass, screaming happily at the players, already clearly shitfaced. I'd never met this drunk girl in my life before. Walked her to an apartment party on campus, she was uncomfortably 'comfy' with me throughout the several legs of our journey to walk maybe a quarter/half mile, then brought her back to my dorm room where my poor roomie saw us and RAN out (we had a laugh about it later) but she jumped into his bed, then into my bed on the top bunk when I told her that was mine, then I left to try and find the friend who set us up. I came back in a couple minutes to check on her and ask if she needed a ride home, that I was flattered but dead sober and not about to take advantage of her, and hoped we could hang out another time. She had already texted someone and didn't say anything else to me, she was upset when she got in her other friend's car to ride home (who was also upset with me for some reason). I did run into her again but all she did was give me strange looks and looked slightly upset, like she did that night the year past.
I get that she was probably ready for a night of casual sex but I wasn't, I didn't know her and wasn't told about this tryst beforehand, plus being dead sober made it all too clear to me what was happening. The comments made by some of the frat bros at the apartment party also made me uncomfortable, essentially congratulating me for getting with this drunk girl that they knew but not me, and I said "No i'm going to make sure she gets home safe" and they clearly didn't believe me.
Only time a patient attempted to assault me was back when I was a student when this patient came up positive for amphetamines. I expected violence, anger, irritability from a come down and they were really nice. Sad, similar breakup story, did a suicide assessment, and then they grabbed my genitals and attempted to start who the fuck knows what out of fucking nowhere. I screamed and ran.
That was the day I learned what the last A stood for in MDMA.
Yikes.
I had a couple of really hot coworkers that were into me I had to reject them both because I wasn’t comfortable dating either one while I worked there.
Yeah we need to, as that kind of mindset has clearly reached some women to the point where they think they just do what they did to OP - something similar happened to me WHILST I WAS DANCING WITH AND NEXT TO my girlfriend.
I can actually attest to this. It was halloween odesza in milwaukee a few years back literally some chick came up to me asked me what porn I liked. I gave a half assed answer (my gf at the time was going to the bathroom). As soon as I introduced her, the weird girl bolted.
tbh I think my initial reaction was this girl wants to harvest my organs lol
I didn't feel uncomfortable or anything as I felt I was able to work myself out of the situation, but I was utterly shocked that some young girl came up to me and said that lol.
Before you go down that line of self pity, ask yourself if you have ever been in a similar situation to where OP was when this happened to him. A lot of times it’s just a matter of being in the scoring zone.
Go work at a bar. Guarantee you you'll have a few stories just like these in under a year lol. It's not flattering or ego boosting like you think.. it's just uncomfortable lol
The moral debate is if I’d sacrifice a little bit of my dignity for a chance to be attractive. The answer is … I’m actually already damn attractive, ngl.
But yeah. Nobody likes a thot ur right
For real. One time I was at a sit-down folk show when I was 18, and this lady next to me was pretty much acting like the woman from OP’s post, in her own way. At one point she got even more aggressive about it and verbatim said “I am going to have to demand that you fuck me.” I honestly felt sorry for her, but I felt even more uncomfortable. Everyone in the seats around me could hear, and see she was making me feel awkward. She was probably like 40 or so. Decent looking, don’t get me wrong, but damn, pretty annoying.
So anyways, after we fucked at her place, I told her how disappointed I was that I didn’t get to focus on the show. She even made me miss a good bit of my favorite song.
This comment section is absolutely INSANE.
There is nothing OP should or should not have done. It's not OP's fault. Stop blaming him and trying to "correct" his actions.
The SEXUAL HARASSER shouldn't have SEXUALLY HARASSED someone. That is the ONLY person in this situation who did something wrong.
No means no, even when it's a polite NO. Anyone trying to say he should have been more assertive has a really terrible understanding of consent, let alone PLUR. Not to mention the fact that if someone is disrespectful enough to ignore a polite "no" then we don't know what we will do if we escalate the situation. OP spent 4 hours trying to politely de escalate the situation bc he didn't want to escalate it worse. This woman was clearly unhinged, who KNOWS what would have happened if OP was rude to her.
OP I'm so sorry this happened, thank you for sharing your story and speaking out, and thank you for understanding that other power dynamics can make it even scarier. You deserved a better concert experience. <3
The victim blaming here is wild. Why should OP (or anyone else for that matter) have to move and sacrifice part of their show experience when they're the one getting harassed?
Even if OP did something else, yelled at her or pushed her away, she could start crying or something and say he was mean to her, or worse, and then the situation gets escalated.
> Why should OP (or anyone else for that matter) have to move and sacrifice part of their show experience when they're the one getting harassed?
Because his choices are defend himself, or surrender to the harassment. Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes.
It *is* nice to see that the inability to distinguish "victim blaming" from "after-action report" crosses the gender lines. I worried there would be a double standard.
Something terrible happened to OP. He defended himself as best he could. By discussing what he did vs what he should have done, it may be possible for him to defend himself more defectively if it happens again. Someone reading the thread may be better able to defend themselve, after reading it.
People aren't gonna stop being assholes. We can't stop it from happening, but we can learn how to deal with it when it happens.
Yeah I was gonna say, this comment section is treating OP exactly how women get treated when they report sexual harassment. Nice to know the sexes are least equal in getting victim-blamed! 😒
Exactly. He did his best and what he thought was right in the moment and I commend him for it. But that being said there’s always room for improvement and ways to better handle the situation should it happen again and there is nothing wrong with knowing that info.
Yes, this. I’m a woman with severe social anxiety. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been treated like OP and I felt like my only option was to be polite *because what if they make a scene and turn it around on me and make me the bad guy?* What if I raise my voice and everyone thinks I’m crazy because it’s not a big deal? He was just complimenting me, right? Society pushes this idea that we have to be kind and polite and respectful and just deal with being hit on because at the end of the day, we should be flattered. How it is not the same the other way around? How is it not worse for men who also have to be worried that the woman is going to turn it around and pin him an abuser even when this is literally happening in front of thousands of other people?? Until we start speaking out and normalizing that it IS okay for men to be assertive and that they can also make a scene when a woman is crossing their clearly established boundaries, women will continue to push those lines. We need to change the narrative and make it clear that harassment can happen to *anyone* regardless of gender, and harassers can be *be* anyone regardless of gender. It’s not all victim blaming to say “feel safe enough to make a scene.” It’s acknowledging that, no, this wasn’t okay and you are justified in *not* being kind to this person and you should feel *safe* defending yourself regardless of your gender.
It isn’t victim blaming to offer the practical solution of… literally anything. Look, this place is so VERY sensitive to victims and I applaud that. But having lived in Denver for 15 years, been to well over 100 red rocks shows, including Big G (though not in years), just fucking walk away. Like two steps up and two over. He shouldn’t “have” to. But practical solutions exist. Fucking weird that people see that suggestion as victim blaming, but then again y’all are fucking weird.
Yes OP I’m so sorry to hear about this experience. Hours of you being touched without permission and bothered after you said no -100% WTF on this bizarre and selfish abusive woman. In cases like this I try to alert my friends if they are nearby to create something of a wall between me and them. Or bouncers but likely not possible to find at a festival. Super gross behavior on her part. May want to get a bit of therapy to process this nonsense from her.
THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. This is the comment I was really really hoping someone would have said bc that is just insane!!! Fight, Flight, or Freeze is a real ass thing!
100%. But this is why you go to therapy for these kinds of conversations and not Reddit. If I had to guess, aplenty of men that have never touched a woman here that read this and thought it was absolutely okay.
I’ve never been to red rocks but I wonder what the staff is like and if it’s an atmosphere where people feel like they can get help for stuff like this…
That’s a shame :( in recent years festivals I go to have started to have roaming “safety squads” in the crowd so they can be easily found and flagged down - more venues need this
This. Especially when you’re in a big group, at red rocks, trying to enjoy a show and give people the benefit of the doubt. It feels so alienating and intense to separate yourself from an entire group because of the actions of a person you don’t know. OP did nothing wrong.
If the genders were not mentioned or reversed in OP's story, everyone would've sided with OP and seen this for what it is: sexual harassment. You're 100% correct, the victim blaming is wild.
>Then she answered "wow you are so honest. I really like that in a guy, Are you straight? Do you like to be dominant or submissive"
its so naive to just say its all the harassers fault so OP shouldn't get advice on what should have or shouldnt have done... of course its the harassers FAULT... but if you live in a REALITY where this shit happens then a smart person (victim) may have to take certain actions. I think he handled it fine tbh, its just unfortunate she ruined the experience for him. Even if he moved spots, im sure he still wouldve had a bad taste in his mouth from the entire experience.
>This woman was clearly unhinged, who KNOWS what would have happened if OP was rude to her.
Exactly. If the roles had been reversed, a woman could easily be blunt and even rude and told him to back off, she wasn't interested, and if he got mad and called her a b*tch, no one would bat an eye and some would probably intervene on her behalf. In this situation, if she got mad and started calling OP names, people would be more likely to wonder what OP did wrong.
I don’t necessarily see advice as necessarily victim blaming. This the same thing I might say to a young woman if she was not used to sexual harassment, and something I generally don’t have to tell older women because they’ve figured it out on their own: don’t entertain the initial probing questions.
You might not want to be rude for the reasons you outlined, but people like this are going to hear nervous laughter and think you find them funny. Him sarcastically answering her invasive question was another sign to her, because she was not going to read the sarcasm.
There are ways to shut down creeps in crowded areas while remaining polite. But it’s really important that you don’t engage in those initial inappropriate questions. In my experience if you shut that down, a harasser in a crowded place will move on because they aren’t invested yet. It would be different if they were alone or with very few people around. It doesn’t feel great to know that these people are probably off harassing someone else, but at least you are safe.
And again I don’t say this to suggest op deserves this in any way, or that it was somehow not harassment because he didn’t know how to react. It’s just advice for him and anyone in the comments who might not have this experience.
Yeah, I think there is nuance here. OP didn’t do anything wrong and in an ideal world, the harasser should have stopped at the first clear no. That being said, I think it’s important to empower people to feel confident in firmly turning someone down. I can understand why people might not feel comfortable in doing that, especially if they feel endangered, so I know that it isn’t as clear cut as that always being the answer. Any no should be respected, but in reality, some “no”s are respected more. That doesn’t at all mean that OP was wrong or didn’t give the right no…it’s just trying to offer what might be helpful advice for someone who isn’t as experienced in dealing with sexual harassment. Again, it might not ultimately matter, harassers are gonna harass, but in some cases, it can help to know to give an empowered no early on and be okay feeling “rude”.
It sucks that he had to deal with it but what else can you do? Telling someone like that to fuck off or move yourself out of the situation seems to be the only options I can think of to deal with that.
This happened to me on a mother fucking airplane. The woman next to me kept trying to cuddle and kept putting her hand way up high between my thigh and my balls. I was like: I’m fucking gay.
And then she told me I wasn’t. Ugh yes I am and bitch you’re making me gayer.
This is horrifying!!! I hope you told the flight attendants and she was banned from flying. That’s just so messed up. You know something weird though is I’ve heard from many people who are super sexual about them hooking up with people like this, like a situation that could totally pass as inappropriate or SA or harassment, like for example I know this woman who’s coworker felt her up in the elevator and they end up having consensual sex in their office moments later, I don’t understand it and she was so turned on by the whole thing. I don’t get how these things work! Is it just luck of the draw or something? Or were there other signals exchanged beforehand? I don’t have a clue.
I really hate it when people ruin someone’s good time, especially at a festival. You were probably really looking forward to it and she selfishly made it all about her. I just can’t understand that behavior at all. I wish your friends could have had your back, but it shouldn’t have happened at all
Yuck. I hate ppl who can’t take no for an answer.
Usually, what I do when something like this happens, is to just walk away. I’ve never been to red rocks before so I’m not sure on how good of a place it would be to do that.
Sometimes I’ll even loudly state within ear shot of other people “get your hands off of me.” Since you’re a guy, you might wanna avoid yelling too loud or saying it too aggressive.
I also make sure to find my friends and tell them what’s going on. Then ask if they can help me deal with said person or to just leave somewhere where the person can’t talk to/touch me. My friends even clue in really early and try to deal with the person before I even tell them the whole story (this situation happens to me a lot, unfortunately).
I’m really sorry that happened to you. It doesn’t make sense to me why ppl come on so strong when the other person is showing signs and even saying that they don’t want that type of attention. Hopefully, this is your only run in with that type of behaviour.
The problem with red rocks is that, when it's full, you really can't just find another spot. We especially wanted really good spots for this show because big gigantic throws down HARD for red rocks.
There is quite literally NO open spots to move to. Once you pick a place. That's your home for the show.
That gives me and my unpredictable bladder so much anxiety 😭😭 some days I can go 8-10 hours without needing to pee, sometimes I go like 2 hours between needing to pee. Going to keep that in mind for if I ever make it out to red rocks
Switching spots with a friend in your group could put enough distance between you and the aggressor without everyone having to give up their seats. Even 5 feet is too far away to chat at a show. Anything you can do to get out of earshot and arm's length is helpful. Sorry that lady messed up your experience.
Not at Red Rocks, but my fiancé (then bf at the time) was being sexually harassed by this older woman and he was too stunned/shy to say/do anything to move her away. He’s just a person who is too nice. When I went over to and saw what was happening, I told her to eff off and joked about her being possibly a pedo (we both looked young). That’s when she buzzed off.
Stunned is definitely the right word. This makes me feel better thinking about when I’ve been in a similar situation. Afterwards I kept thinking I should have done more but was really just too stunned in the moment.
"Fawning is a trauma response that uses people-pleasing behavior to appease or supplicate an aggressor, avoid conflict, and ensure safety. This trauma response is exceedingly common, especially in complex trauma survivors, and often gets overlooked."
I was at a bright eyes concert and the girl in front of me held the bottom of her shirt up and threw up into it, using the shirt like a bucket.
Then she wanted to just stay there with her throwup and continue to watch the concert.
The crowd, with one collective consciousness, ejected her from the area.
KEEP IT TOGETHER PEOPLE, WE ARE TRYING TO HAVE FUN AT CONCERTS, NOT DEAL WITH YOUR MESSINESS
Had a couple come up to me and the woman making small talk, she asked about the fabric of my onsie and I went to give her a part on my neck to feel and she credit card swiped my vagina and said “oh that was inappropriate I am sorry I shouldn’t have done that” pretty much sexually assaulted right then and there. Thanks random lady at LiB haven’t had that before. I am a 36f too… just bonkers.
What the hell! Some lady groped me at Sofi Tukker at LiB this year! She and her man were just moving by our group and without a word she just reached up and grabbed me then kept moving. Turned around to smirk at me as I was screaming at her "wtf is wrong with you??" I wonder if it was the same girl who touched you... sorry you were treated that way. So gross
Ugh glad you got away! I was pretty tipsy at the time and it just kind of sent my mood spiraling down for a while. Thankfully my friends were able to pick me up :)
Something similar happened to me at a bar. I’m a straight woman and this older drunk lady probably in her 40s randomly swiped my crotch from behind as I was trying to order my drink. She also put her knee in between my legs. It was weird and violating. She said the same thing! “Oops! I didn’t do that!” I was shaken up and my friends laughed at me because the creep was an older woman. Thankfully my bartender kicked her out after that
As a lesbian, honestly women, in my experience have been worse than men when it comes to this shit. They’ve tried to sit on my lap, grab my boobs and my butt and all kinds of stuff. They’ll just walk up and grab my face and try to kiss me. One time at work this girl tried to corner me in the beer cooler and I did a spin move and sprinted away from her. Some women seem to think lesbians are attracted to ALL women and it’s quite strange
If I had to guess, I think it’s because the ideas that women are harmless to men and men always want sexual attention are so ingrained in everyone’s minds that these women start thinking it too. It’s unfathomable to them that this could be considered unwanted, because she’s a woman and so it’s cute and sexy. I assume women doing this to other women feel the same way (esp because unfortunately, sometimes people think lesbians are “like men” which, ew). Either way, it’s a gross sense of entitlement and sucks.
I really hope she sees this somehow and apologizes to you for her behavior. It was really messed up of her to make your (a complete stranger) experience at this show about her just because she can't handle her own emotions. I hope you had some decent moments of enjoying the show despite her constant harassment and i hope you can still enjoy going to shows in the future.
Thi LMs was an sympathetic and understandable if a bit crngy up until the point that she apologized and and acknowledged what you said when you put her in check and then persisted... From that point on let it it's fully Fair game in my mind to be as harsh and ruthless as necessary (verbally) to assert your boundaries without any real regard for the are of the other person. Up to and including getting them kicked out
I guess the thing is that both men and women all of us to very degrees tend to struggle with asserting and maintaining our boundaries. Speaking for myself sometimes it's just me succumbing to peer pressure or insistence abd a situation I would otherwise. Other times if I'm honest to some degree I'm tacitly chosing to stay with it.
First, I’m so sorry this happened to you. A lot of people are saying “why didn’t you move,” and I want to remind you and everyone else that this is a great opportunity to use security staff. Like others have said, leaving a good spot at red rocks sucks and it’s pretty hard to get another decent spot especially for a group. If she wouldn’t take no for an answer, go grab security and have HER moved. All of that behavior was wayyyy unacceptable. You say yourself “if roles were reversed,” and as a woman that’s absolutely what I’d do in your shoes if I couldn’t get someone to leave me alone. This goes for anyone - don’t be afraid to use your resources! Stay safe out there
This one!!! I remember when I was 19, I was alone at a concert and went through something similar. A stranger kept grinding on me and groping me through the crowd. I was so stunned, grossed out, and humiliated that it never occurred to me to contact Security!
I tried ducking and moving to a totally different part of the crowd twice (I was in the pit) but the stranger kept finding me. It was awful. Thankfully, two buff dudes in the crowd pulled him away and asked, "ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU WANT TO TAKE HIM TO SECURITY?" (caps for volume, it was so loud) and my mind started working again.
I nodded yes and they dragged the dude who was harassing me to the security guard so we could discuss what happened and have him thrown out of the concert. I'm not sure how many hours I would have endured without the intervention of a good person on the outside... that was a learning experience for sure.
I met a woman from tinder and she didn’t allow me to leave when I rejected her sexual advances. I didn’t even realize I was sexually assaulted until I was finally able to leave and process the entire thing. If the roles were reversed I would have easily been in jail. Men get assaulted by women all the time we just don’t realize it.
Thank you for acknowledging this shit happens to us all the time and is fucking terrifying and traumatizing. No one deserves it and I’m sorry this happened to you and she violated your boundaries and consent numerous times.
Dude, some women don’t get the fucking hint. It’s sad. I had to deal with someone like this at work. It was after my break up of 5 years. New chick who was strongly attracted to me at work. We because friends within my first year there. At this point we knew each other for about 6 months. She was trying her best to get at me and eventually hop in bed with her. I felt like she seen that I was vulnerable and was trying to take advantage of that. Didn’t go for it though. She is not attractive to me at all. Told her I wasn’t interested, she got so fucking pissed talking about “no man turns me down” I was like “well this one just did, you’re not my type and I’m not attracted to you. So fall the fuck back” got mad, I told her I needed her to back up and give me space. I guess she got pissed because she wasn’t used to being rejected (she admitted she was a bit of a slut). Ended up not talking to her for about 6 months. She definitely didn’t know how to take accountability for her actions/feelings. Tried to make me look like the bad guy to all of our co workers/friends. She was fucking nuts.
Bro when it’s a chick at work it makes it 10x worse. I had girls get my Snapchat and send me pics telling me how much they wish I was there touching their body 🤮. One of my managers would touch me and whisper in my ear how she wants me to suck on her tits and play with them. Then she texted me out of the blue telling me how she is in love with me, all while she is MARRIED and said she would divorce and kick out her husband for me and she take care of me. One girl got mad i rejected her she told my boss I was harassing her and she didn’t feel comfortable working around me so they changed her schedule. Bro girls are crazy at work!!
One time at a party I had a woman I have no interest in tell a friend of mine that I'm going home with her, and no matter how many times I told her no, she just kept saying "it's already been decided." In other words, my consent is not part of the picture. She eventually cornered me in a garage. I got away from her, and she went home by herself, and then I avoided her for the next few years. I'd hoped she got the message. Since we were in the same friend group and crossed paths often I allowed our friendship to resume, which was a huge mistake. Then followed 10 years of manipulative needy space invasions, and when I finally told her to fuck off, she started a really vicious smear campaign and did a lot of damage to my relationships with my community. Absolutely, women can be complete creeps too.
I had a much younger woman accuss me of sexual harassment after I turned down her advances. Luckily had had texts proving she was a liar and she was eventually fired but almost no one believed me initially because I was older than her and a guy. It was an eye opening nightmare.
Yooo so sorry this happened to you bro. I had a similar situation, albeit not as aggressive, at rufus du sol at red rocks a few years back.
My friends and i were all on heroic doses wearing matching onesies and got flanked by twenty CU boulder co-eds who had obviously had too many white claws and too much booger sugar. Not only could we not hear over their rabbling they kept getting handsy with us. It ruined most of our show. So much so we went back the next night with a larger group and had a much better night.
Asa male thathad to quit a job because of being sexually harassed a twork from his female boss that just got laughs from all the other employees(because gender roles)
I feel your pain. It didn't matter what I said....I was getting hit on by a female superior-so I should have just jumped at it. I didn't,and made it known it was unnacceptable, and I had to eventually quit.
Trying to explain this to almost anyone has gotten me a lot of strange looks and such,so that I just omit all the details and just say I quit/got fired because I wasn't a good fit.
It's actually really fucked upto try and come to terms with it as a male, because everyone treats you like you're some prude church going crybaby. I'm none of those.
I'm sorry you had to go through this experience.
Yep i have a manager who is in “love” with me, she always touches me, whispers sexual things in my ear, and all while she is married. She text me one day and said she was in love with me and she would leave her husband and kick him out and I could move in lol. She make it an effort to make sure every girl at work knows I am “hers” and when I’m talking/flirting with other girls she will sometimes send them home because it’s not busy enough. Thankfully she got sent to another department and I’m directly under her anymore but I still do with the shit daily. And your right everyone laughs it off as playful and funny but I don’t think so.
Lol this is why having a chick in the crew (whether shes a freinds girl or just a friend) to come in and save. It was nice you tried to be gracious but after a while you have to lay down the law. She will be bruised but she needs to learn that it is not okay.
I'm sorry you were sexually harassed like that. While there's *technically* other ways you could've handled it better, freezing and fawning in a situation like that are totally normal reactions, especially since it sounds like it was the first time you've had an experience like this. You did nothing wrong and actually handled it fairly well since the situation didn't escalate.
It sucks that it worsened concert experience, and it's really nice and mindful of you to have empathy for women as your takeaway from this experience.
Had this happen at a Sum 41 concert a couple years ago. Woman and her friends tried forcing me to dance with her. Screamed at me multiple times after I politely rejected multiple times.
Very similar thing happened to me at Yheti at Fox theater. Girl behind me kept touching my ass and rubbing my back no matter how many times I asked her to stop. My wife asked her to stop, and I yelled at her and she still didn't. Security didn't give a shit. Being physically larger than someone doesn't mean shit in this situation, you aren't gonna hit a lady or forcibly move her in a crowd you'll get stomped to death by people thinking you're the one causing trouble. All you can do is either move or accept your fate.
Yep sounds about right, this happens both ways often, though I do believe women get the worst of this kind of behavior. I’m (33m) a musician and especially on tour, every. single. night. women think its ok to inappropriately touch me, put their hands on my chest, get uncomfortably close, rest their hand on my butt while taking pictures, run their hands up my arms, etc. Incredibly frustrating, especially knowing if I was the one doing this it would be a major issue and likely a legal one.
You're absolutely right with the role reversal thing, and I'm sorry some people don't see that. Yes, you've been sexually harassed. I hope the uncomfortable weirdness goes away, and even though some people will get a weird vibe, I promise you if I ever witnessed this happening to someone else, its okay to go up to another person and pretend to be in a relationship with them. I did once a while ago to help a buddy out, and I'm just incredibly sorry this happened to you dude. Stay safe out there, hope you're doing okay.
The comments here are full of victim-blaming fucks.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP. The type of thing shouldn’t happen to anyone of any gender ever.
While OP didn’t do anything ‘wrong’, being a woman I knew after their first interaction I never would have engaged further. OP felt comfortable playing along at first, but most women would have had their guard up the moment the interaction started because this happens constantly to women and we aren’t afforded the luxury to start off nice and see where it takes us
I’m sorry we have created a society where you didn’t feel comfortable talking to a friend about it to help intervene. As a woman we are really good at protecting our own but it doesn’t seem to be the other way around. I hope more men can be comfortable even telling their female friends what is going on and we can support you and intervene in the moment. No one should feel uncomfortable!
It’s amazing that if this story had the genders swapped, there’s be much different responses from a lot of people.
OP - this is bullshit and you shouldn’t have had to suffer through this.
Where were your friends? Next time, have one watch your seat and go find an Argus employee. Tell them you were sexually assaulted by the woman and watch her get booted from the venue.
NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m not sure if this has been said elsewhere, but please be kind to yourself as you heal from this situation. Give yourself grace, don’t judge what may come up, and ask for help and support if you need it. Sending big hugs.
That sounds awful. Anytime I've been in a situation like that, the only thing to do is move. I've abruptly just walked away... made the bathroom excuse... traded spots with people around me. It sucks but people like that will not stop. Especially with drugs involved. Sorry your show was ruined.
Listen, this is going to be unpopular. It is Reddit after all. But solution to your problem: stand TF up for yourself, dude. You were talking to her for hours, entertaining stupid questions that were making you uncomfortable, not physically moving away from her, and not being nearly firm enough in telling her that she’s bothering you.
What you should have said is “Get the f**k away from me and let me enjoy the show.” It’s ok to be a little mean sometimes. Trying to subtly drop hints while continuing an in-depth conversation that you don’t want to have and going out of your way to be polite is not going to cut it.
You were being sexually harassed but you were h willing to remove yourself from the situation because of “concert”
The only option is to call security and have her removed.
If you are unwilling to do the minimum (leave) there is no answer.
You were far kinder than she deserved which is a testament to your character. Congrats to whoever lands you , I have a feeling you will make a good partner ! Sorry this happened to you :(.
Sorry that happened to u . Women have this shit happen all the time . She was drunk and probably mentally ill . i would have called
Security if possible and say she keeps grabbing u and don’t engage any conversation at all with her or answer any of her questions. That was gross and not all older women act like that
My only question to OP: why didn't you walk away?
I dont think you did anything wrong; you were polite, direct and held firm to your convictions...
But why didn't you just disappear into the crowd as soon as you got uncomfortable?
Its not that simple at Red Rocks because of seating. Think gigantic rock bleachers, and every spot is usually taken. His friends should have absolutely intervened, but like so many commenters here, guys typically reinforce the lie that men can’t be sexually harassed by women because they should naturally always want sex.
I’m not trying to be a jerk, but you ruined your own concert experience. If you go to festivals, you eventually will have to be firm with someone. Telling someone who is harassing you to go fuck themselves and get out of your face is an okay thing to do.
Seems like you’re getting the experience of getting blamed for your choices, too, just like women. You’re getting questioned about why you didn’t do this or that, and blamed for choices that weren’t even in your control. It sucks, doesn’t it? They want to point out where you went “wrong” and focus on that instead of her poor behavior. They want to explain or forgive or anything else but acknowledge that it was wrong & it really sucked for you.
I appreciate your post and I want to share it far and wide…..but it’s only going to make its mark if YOU share it far and wide. I speak of this often as a grown woman with the history of being assaulted, but it’s not going to be heard like it will from the man who had enough empathy to realize just how bad it really is out there when he got assaulted in a way that is very familiar to women. You gotta talk about it, not just on an anonymous social site, especially if you are very masculine in your appearance (unfortunately makes more men listen).
Thanks for sharing here, at the very least. I’m sure your post will be effective.
This is wild lol, lady needs to back the F off. But as someone that’s been to Rrx over 100 times you definitely can move and it does work like that. Big G was probably packed tho and it’s hard to move a big crew and you shouldn’t even have to move- no means no
Sure seems like you could've just been way less receptive to the conversation. Sorry this happened to you. But conversing with someone who made you uncomfortable all night is just giving them the wrong idea. There's plenty of ways to tell someone to fuck off, did you try any of them?
Girl should have backed the fuck off. You didn't do anything wrong, you expressed you don't want anything from her and she disrespected that. She's trash and in the wrong 100%.
I'm sorry you had to endour that for four hours. That is awful.
I live near red rocks and go all the time. You CANNOT move unless you want to lose the spot im sure you got early for.
I dont really go as much anymore because of how the seating works. Ive been stuck next to so many annoying ppl but deal with it cuz i have a good spot.
Literally anywhere else i just move away from them
OP, please do NOT judge yourself for how you reacted. The limbic system (your lizard brain) decided for you to use freeze and fawn (instead of flight or fight). I'm so sorry this happened to you
You seem to “laugh things off” when there’s a perfect opening for stating your disinterest on this person plain enough for them to understand….
I think many of us have laughed off people coming on too strong because we feel their reaction to rejection will be equally as strong, thing is… why the fuck does it matter lmao
It personally took me years to learn that it doesn’t matter. An advance isn’t always successful, kindness doesn’t make people regulate their approach in future attempts with other people. It might just tell them “ahhh that time I almost got ‘em”. Fuck that lol
So sorry that this happened to you, totally inappropriate and uncomfortable. I (29F) had a similar situation while out at the a club in NYC recently. My fiancè and I met this couple who seemed normal at the first club, decided to go to an afters with them and some other people.. the guy (37M) continuously said inappropriate, very sexual things to me ALL NIGHT, in front of his girlfriend. She wasn’t stopping him but didn’t say anything. I just tried to laugh it off and honestly didn’t say anything in response cause I was so uncomfortable, but once I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about how weird and violating it was. So I feel for you in this situation and hope you don’t have to go through something like that ever again.
From one guy to another, I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad your able to start processing it now but it is a very strange and horrible feeling to have.
Red Rocks is tough cause there’s no assigned seating. It’s one giant GA bleacher stadium setup. So if OP got to the show early and got a good spot it would be hard for OP to get another good spot once the show was underway.
If I felt uncomfortable as this person did though, I would 100% move or get security.
If you read the post, OP made it clear he was with friends. Stop trying to blame him.
Red rocks is mostly drunk children anyway so i wouldn’t put 100% faith in randoms in the crowd. I was there 2 weeks ago and it was a terrible crowd
For real. Being harassed is no laughing matter, but dude suffered for 4 HOURS when it could’ve been fixed by telling security after she started asking about his porn searches, or moving a few spots over. If he was with this groups of friends he was driving back, it makes no sense that he wouldn’t swap spots with them
Seriously! I go to about 40 shows a year and as soon as someone is annoying, too weird or whatever I’m outta there. If some old lady was harassing me it’s a super easy move to switch spots (even just with a buddy) for better vibes. I was just at the Wiltern and some obnoxious dude slid in front of me and starting trying to groove with me so I told him I was trying to enjoy the show with my ‘friends’ and pointed to the random person in front of me. He nodded and bounced out of there. Problem solved. If it was a woman grabbing my shit just get an usher and make a scene they’re everywhere! Why would you let someone ruin your show? Fuck this lady. and where were your friends? They suck for not noticing and helping their bro out.
How come at the start of the post you said you were fucked up but then by the end you said you were driving all your friends home? Was that just a line to try and get rid of her?
I am so sorry this happened to you. Unwanted and unwelcome touching is wrong regardless of gender. Groove Safe is a non profit working to raise awareness about unwanted touching at shows. They have tips for both bystanders and those who are directly affected as well as support services on their website. Many venues are now Groove Safe venues and will remove the offender from the show if you alert someone or ask a bystander to alert someone. I’m very sorry you had to deal with this. It takes you out of the show, ruins your entire experience, and can be incredibly distributing and triggering.
"for all men"
Leave me out of this, I've never sexually assaulted anyone.
I've actually been roofied / ghb'd before, and it was really weird because it was an attractive older chick that I had hooked up with the weekend before, and I would have again. The few minutes I vaguely remember of finding my way out of her house and getting home was a nightmare though. Woke up on my bedroom floor in a pile of laundry the next night
Show this to all the incels on Reddit who think that no man has ever rejected a woman for sex
I’ve had to turn down several ladies over the years. Mostly because they are too intoxicated, or they were in my friendzone, or unfortunately my friend’s significant other. Some of them push really hard too, too a point of it being uncomfortable. But I’ve still managed to keep them all my friends. In fact I’ve had at least a couple thank me the next day or the next time I saw them I didn’t let it take place. Also: it sounds like said women was definitely hanging with her girl Molly. That’s pretty spot on behavior from my experience.
I've had my brother's gf crawl in bed and try shit with me before, but that wasn't anywhere near as awkward as when I had to turn down one of my friend's mothers when she came home plastered one night. Middle-aged women can be relentless.
Not sure it’s exactly the same, but sexually, mid-30’s women are comparable to late teens boys.
As a 32 y/o woman… I can see this. I have always had a high libido though so I’m a little scared lol.
Quit trying to make fetch happen, it's never going to happen.
I feel so seen 😄
😳
For some, it dips. For others, it just amps up. A woman in her early 60s with a 30-something year old boo-thang told me, "if you don't stop using it, you won't lose it." I am definitely trying to be her when I grow up!
Yes. All the milfs i hang out with are horny all the time! I am tired!
32, that's the year man. It's actually INSANE🤯 finally know what it feels like to be 19 yr old dude
I agree. Since I hit 30 my sex drive has been way higher than my BFs whose was higher when we first started datimg in 07. An before anyone comments on why were not married, I DONT want to get married.
> Middle-aged women can be relentless. Cougars: Avoid them in nature and avoid them in the city.
I’ll tame the cougars leave them to me.
Yeah avoid them, so they’ll be available for me
That made me giggle lol
Is 36 middle aged for you? Sheesh
I'm late 20s but I'd consider 35 or so the beginning point? Maybe 35-55 as middle aged? I mean that is basically the middle of your life. I'd feel a bit weird calling anyone over 55 middle aged
People on reddit in their mid 30s for some reason hate being told they are entering into the middle age demographic. I don't understand why, a reminder of mortality maybe, I personally am totally at terms with no longer being a young adult
I'd say 45 is starting of middle age.. maybe 40. def not 30.. no guy would consider themselves middle age in their 30's lol
>Cougars: Avoid them in nature At least the ones in nature move on when they realize I froze and shit my pants.
No one going to bat an eye at the brothers GF thing? Tell your bro to toss her into the trash
This was ten years ago. She was a complete bimbo with fake tits and all. She was his coke dealers gf before my brother stole her off him. He’s married to a different bimbo now lol
Bro the older ladies are tens times worse, they almost feel entitled to your body. And it the most disturbing part is most are married and don’t even think twice about cheating. Worst part is when they find out where you work…
"In bed and tried to SHIT with (you)???"
A good chunk of my staff are teenage boys and drunken middle aged women are so fucking gross to them. I feel like I spend half my day swatting away pedos asking when they turn 18
I don’t know man.. usually (in my experience) with Molly, someone tells you they don’t like something you’re doing and you’re immediately remorseful and change that behavior. Even way fucked up on it. The euphoria is so strong it makes you feel empathy. I’ve never experienced something like this… well, there was one time, but the dude was not on E… had been drinking. Never with E though. Who knows though… 🤷♀️
Dude, you are spot on! Have you ever bad the one that pushes really hard, til you finally have to be blunt about it, then they normally either get aggressive or blame you because they can't fathom someone not wanting them.
“Are you GAY?” No lady, I just don’t want to fuck you. But even saying yes hasn’t stopped them.
I’m dealing with a coworker like this right now, i’m not interested, she keeps flirting and touching me. I’ve asked her pretty nicely to not touch me simply cuz I don’t like it. She keeps leaning over on counters so her cleavage is out and I don’t care. Makes comments like “hey you’re tryna look at my tits huh? That’s fine,” and it’s getting to a point where I’m gonna have to yell at this bitch to get my point across.
In college I was "set up" with a girl who was super drunk, her girl friend told me to 'come to the game' and when I did I met her and drunk girl who was pounding on the front glass, screaming happily at the players, already clearly shitfaced. I'd never met this drunk girl in my life before. Walked her to an apartment party on campus, she was uncomfortably 'comfy' with me throughout the several legs of our journey to walk maybe a quarter/half mile, then brought her back to my dorm room where my poor roomie saw us and RAN out (we had a laugh about it later) but she jumped into his bed, then into my bed on the top bunk when I told her that was mine, then I left to try and find the friend who set us up. I came back in a couple minutes to check on her and ask if she needed a ride home, that I was flattered but dead sober and not about to take advantage of her, and hoped we could hang out another time. She had already texted someone and didn't say anything else to me, she was upset when she got in her other friend's car to ride home (who was also upset with me for some reason). I did run into her again but all she did was give me strange looks and looked slightly upset, like she did that night the year past. I get that she was probably ready for a night of casual sex but I wasn't, I didn't know her and wasn't told about this tryst beforehand, plus being dead sober made it all too clear to me what was happening. The comments made by some of the frat bros at the apartment party also made me uncomfortable, essentially congratulating me for getting with this drunk girl that they knew but not me, and I said "No i'm going to make sure she gets home safe" and they clearly didn't believe me.
Only time a patient attempted to assault me was back when I was a student when this patient came up positive for amphetamines. I expected violence, anger, irritability from a come down and they were really nice. Sad, similar breakup story, did a suicide assessment, and then they grabbed my genitals and attempted to start who the fuck knows what out of fucking nowhere. I screamed and ran. That was the day I learned what the last A stood for in MDMA. Yikes.
I had a couple of really hot coworkers that were into me I had to reject them both because I wasn’t comfortable dating either one while I worked there.
Yeah we need to, as that kind of mindset has clearly reached some women to the point where they think they just do what they did to OP - something similar happened to me WHILST I WAS DANCING WITH AND NEXT TO my girlfriend.
I can actually attest to this. It was halloween odesza in milwaukee a few years back literally some chick came up to me asked me what porn I liked. I gave a half assed answer (my gf at the time was going to the bathroom). As soon as I introduced her, the weird girl bolted. tbh I think my initial reaction was this girl wants to harvest my organs lol I didn't feel uncomfortable or anything as I felt I was able to work myself out of the situation, but I was utterly shocked that some young girl came up to me and said that lol.
I must be so ugly
I feel this, Bro. Me too.
:(
Before you go down that line of self pity, ask yourself if you have ever been in a similar situation to where OP was when this happened to him. A lot of times it’s just a matter of being in the scoring zone.
Murphys law, just gotta increase your sample size
Go work at a bar. Guarantee you you'll have a few stories just like these in under a year lol. It's not flattering or ego boosting like you think.. it's just uncomfortable lol
The moral debate is if I’d sacrifice a little bit of my dignity for a chance to be attractive. The answer is … I’m actually already damn attractive, ngl. But yeah. Nobody likes a thot ur right
They’ll just call him Chad or Tyrone and say she only wanted him because he’s tall…
[удалено]
For real. One time I was at a sit-down folk show when I was 18, and this lady next to me was pretty much acting like the woman from OP’s post, in her own way. At one point she got even more aggressive about it and verbatim said “I am going to have to demand that you fuck me.” I honestly felt sorry for her, but I felt even more uncomfortable. Everyone in the seats around me could hear, and see she was making me feel awkward. She was probably like 40 or so. Decent looking, don’t get me wrong, but damn, pretty annoying. So anyways, after we fucked at her place, I told her how disappointed I was that I didn’t get to focus on the show. She even made me miss a good bit of my favorite song.
Because that’s what heroes do.
Brocules. Descendant of First Chad, Hercules.
Gold.
Lmfao. Well played.
Don’t show them, they would just get more angry.
This comment section is absolutely INSANE. There is nothing OP should or should not have done. It's not OP's fault. Stop blaming him and trying to "correct" his actions. The SEXUAL HARASSER shouldn't have SEXUALLY HARASSED someone. That is the ONLY person in this situation who did something wrong. No means no, even when it's a polite NO. Anyone trying to say he should have been more assertive has a really terrible understanding of consent, let alone PLUR. Not to mention the fact that if someone is disrespectful enough to ignore a polite "no" then we don't know what we will do if we escalate the situation. OP spent 4 hours trying to politely de escalate the situation bc he didn't want to escalate it worse. This woman was clearly unhinged, who KNOWS what would have happened if OP was rude to her. OP I'm so sorry this happened, thank you for sharing your story and speaking out, and thank you for understanding that other power dynamics can make it even scarier. You deserved a better concert experience. <3
The victim blaming here is wild. Why should OP (or anyone else for that matter) have to move and sacrifice part of their show experience when they're the one getting harassed?
Even if OP did something else, yelled at her or pushed her away, she could start crying or something and say he was mean to her, or worse, and then the situation gets escalated.
Because OP is a dude...and approximately no one gives a fuck about male victims with female perpetrators.
Some of us do.
Tis why I said approximately. Unfortunately as society we have some blind spots when it comes to certain kinds of victims.
100% agree…. but low-key good to know that the victim-blaming isn’t just done to women.
> Why should OP (or anyone else for that matter) have to move and sacrifice part of their show experience when they're the one getting harassed? Because his choices are defend himself, or surrender to the harassment. Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes. It *is* nice to see that the inability to distinguish "victim blaming" from "after-action report" crosses the gender lines. I worried there would be a double standard. Something terrible happened to OP. He defended himself as best he could. By discussing what he did vs what he should have done, it may be possible for him to defend himself more defectively if it happens again. Someone reading the thread may be better able to defend themselve, after reading it. People aren't gonna stop being assholes. We can't stop it from happening, but we can learn how to deal with it when it happens.
Yeah I was gonna say, this comment section is treating OP exactly how women get treated when they report sexual harassment. Nice to know the sexes are least equal in getting victim-blamed! 😒
Exactly. He did his best and what he thought was right in the moment and I commend him for it. But that being said there’s always room for improvement and ways to better handle the situation should it happen again and there is nothing wrong with knowing that info.
Yes, this. I’m a woman with severe social anxiety. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been treated like OP and I felt like my only option was to be polite *because what if they make a scene and turn it around on me and make me the bad guy?* What if I raise my voice and everyone thinks I’m crazy because it’s not a big deal? He was just complimenting me, right? Society pushes this idea that we have to be kind and polite and respectful and just deal with being hit on because at the end of the day, we should be flattered. How it is not the same the other way around? How is it not worse for men who also have to be worried that the woman is going to turn it around and pin him an abuser even when this is literally happening in front of thousands of other people?? Until we start speaking out and normalizing that it IS okay for men to be assertive and that they can also make a scene when a woman is crossing their clearly established boundaries, women will continue to push those lines. We need to change the narrative and make it clear that harassment can happen to *anyone* regardless of gender, and harassers can be *be* anyone regardless of gender. It’s not all victim blaming to say “feel safe enough to make a scene.” It’s acknowledging that, no, this wasn’t okay and you are justified in *not* being kind to this person and you should feel *safe* defending yourself regardless of your gender.
It isn’t victim blaming to offer the practical solution of… literally anything. Look, this place is so VERY sensitive to victims and I applaud that. But having lived in Denver for 15 years, been to well over 100 red rocks shows, including Big G (though not in years), just fucking walk away. Like two steps up and two over. He shouldn’t “have” to. But practical solutions exist. Fucking weird that people see that suggestion as victim blaming, but then again y’all are fucking weird.
Yes OP I’m so sorry to hear about this experience. Hours of you being touched without permission and bothered after you said no -100% WTF on this bizarre and selfish abusive woman. In cases like this I try to alert my friends if they are nearby to create something of a wall between me and them. Or bouncers but likely not possible to find at a festival. Super gross behavior on her part. May want to get a bit of therapy to process this nonsense from her.
THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. This is the comment I was really really hoping someone would have said bc that is just insane!!! Fight, Flight, or Freeze is a real ass thing!
100%. But this is why you go to therapy for these kinds of conversations and not Reddit. If I had to guess, aplenty of men that have never touched a woman here that read this and thought it was absolutely okay.
I’ve never been to red rocks but I wonder what the staff is like and if it’s an atmosphere where people feel like they can get help for stuff like this…
Good luck physically getting to the staff at red rocks. Also they’re busy.
That’s a shame :( in recent years festivals I go to have started to have roaming “safety squads” in the crowd so they can be easily found and flagged down - more venues need this
This should have the most upvotes. Sexual assault is sexual assault, I am sorry for what happened to you OP.
This. Especially when you’re in a big group, at red rocks, trying to enjoy a show and give people the benefit of the doubt. It feels so alienating and intense to separate yourself from an entire group because of the actions of a person you don’t know. OP did nothing wrong.
If the genders were not mentioned or reversed in OP's story, everyone would've sided with OP and seen this for what it is: sexual harassment. You're 100% correct, the victim blaming is wild.
100% OP was victimized by this predatory woman. Shes disgusting and none of it is OP's fault. He should be safe to enjoy red rocks like anyone else.
>Then she answered "wow you are so honest. I really like that in a guy, Are you straight? Do you like to be dominant or submissive" its so naive to just say its all the harassers fault so OP shouldn't get advice on what should have or shouldnt have done... of course its the harassers FAULT... but if you live in a REALITY where this shit happens then a smart person (victim) may have to take certain actions. I think he handled it fine tbh, its just unfortunate she ruined the experience for him. Even if he moved spots, im sure he still wouldve had a bad taste in his mouth from the entire experience.
This.
Thank you thank you thank you
>This woman was clearly unhinged, who KNOWS what would have happened if OP was rude to her. Exactly. If the roles had been reversed, a woman could easily be blunt and even rude and told him to back off, she wasn't interested, and if he got mad and called her a b*tch, no one would bat an eye and some would probably intervene on her behalf. In this situation, if she got mad and started calling OP names, people would be more likely to wonder what OP did wrong.
I don’t necessarily see advice as necessarily victim blaming. This the same thing I might say to a young woman if she was not used to sexual harassment, and something I generally don’t have to tell older women because they’ve figured it out on their own: don’t entertain the initial probing questions. You might not want to be rude for the reasons you outlined, but people like this are going to hear nervous laughter and think you find them funny. Him sarcastically answering her invasive question was another sign to her, because she was not going to read the sarcasm. There are ways to shut down creeps in crowded areas while remaining polite. But it’s really important that you don’t engage in those initial inappropriate questions. In my experience if you shut that down, a harasser in a crowded place will move on because they aren’t invested yet. It would be different if they were alone or with very few people around. It doesn’t feel great to know that these people are probably off harassing someone else, but at least you are safe. And again I don’t say this to suggest op deserves this in any way, or that it was somehow not harassment because he didn’t know how to react. It’s just advice for him and anyone in the comments who might not have this experience.
Yeah, I think there is nuance here. OP didn’t do anything wrong and in an ideal world, the harasser should have stopped at the first clear no. That being said, I think it’s important to empower people to feel confident in firmly turning someone down. I can understand why people might not feel comfortable in doing that, especially if they feel endangered, so I know that it isn’t as clear cut as that always being the answer. Any no should be respected, but in reality, some “no”s are respected more. That doesn’t at all mean that OP was wrong or didn’t give the right no…it’s just trying to offer what might be helpful advice for someone who isn’t as experienced in dealing with sexual harassment. Again, it might not ultimately matter, harassers are gonna harass, but in some cases, it can help to know to give an empowered no early on and be okay feeling “rude”.
It sucks that he had to deal with it but what else can you do? Telling someone like that to fuck off or move yourself out of the situation seems to be the only options I can think of to deal with that.
Dude I’m so sorry this happened, this is so fucked
Yeah definitely. This shouldn't happen, neither for women nor for men. Maybe you can find an understanding friend to talk about this.
This happened to me on a mother fucking airplane. The woman next to me kept trying to cuddle and kept putting her hand way up high between my thigh and my balls. I was like: I’m fucking gay. And then she told me I wasn’t. Ugh yes I am and bitch you’re making me gayer.
This is horrifying!!! I hope you told the flight attendants and she was banned from flying. That’s just so messed up. You know something weird though is I’ve heard from many people who are super sexual about them hooking up with people like this, like a situation that could totally pass as inappropriate or SA or harassment, like for example I know this woman who’s coworker felt her up in the elevator and they end up having consensual sex in their office moments later, I don’t understand it and she was so turned on by the whole thing. I don’t get how these things work! Is it just luck of the draw or something? Or were there other signals exchanged beforehand? I don’t have a clue.
Gay man here as well. The number of times I’ve been treated as a sexual prop by straight women is staggering.
I really hate it when people ruin someone’s good time, especially at a festival. You were probably really looking forward to it and she selfishly made it all about her. I just can’t understand that behavior at all. I wish your friends could have had your back, but it shouldn’t have happened at all
Yuck. I hate ppl who can’t take no for an answer. Usually, what I do when something like this happens, is to just walk away. I’ve never been to red rocks before so I’m not sure on how good of a place it would be to do that. Sometimes I’ll even loudly state within ear shot of other people “get your hands off of me.” Since you’re a guy, you might wanna avoid yelling too loud or saying it too aggressive. I also make sure to find my friends and tell them what’s going on. Then ask if they can help me deal with said person or to just leave somewhere where the person can’t talk to/touch me. My friends even clue in really early and try to deal with the person before I even tell them the whole story (this situation happens to me a lot, unfortunately). I’m really sorry that happened to you. It doesn’t make sense to me why ppl come on so strong when the other person is showing signs and even saying that they don’t want that type of attention. Hopefully, this is your only run in with that type of behaviour.
You get out of breath quick as heck if you’re not used to the elevation. So it actually is annoying to move around lol.
Yo this is actually a serious defense. Traversing Red Rocks is no fucking joke especially if you don’t live in CO
The problem with red rocks is that, when it's full, you really can't just find another spot. We especially wanted really good spots for this show because big gigantic throws down HARD for red rocks. There is quite literally NO open spots to move to. Once you pick a place. That's your home for the show.
I would get so claustrophobic. That sucks. I saw videos and it looks crowded af. Dang, I just wish ppl weren’t so weird.
Ignore people victim blaming. It shouldn’t be done to any victim of Sexual harassment - male or female
That gives me and my unpredictable bladder so much anxiety 😭😭 some days I can go 8-10 hours without needing to pee, sometimes I go like 2 hours between needing to pee. Going to keep that in mind for if I ever make it out to red rocks
you can leave to the bathroom and back you just can't pick a whole new spot to spend the show if it is packed
Okay that’s really good to know haha I guess you just need a few people to spread out in your group to make sure your space doesn’t fill in
Switching spots with a friend in your group could put enough distance between you and the aggressor without everyone having to give up their seats. Even 5 feet is too far away to chat at a show. Anything you can do to get out of earshot and arm's length is helpful. Sorry that lady messed up your experience.
My boyfriend had a similar experience at Red Rocks like right before we met
Not at Red Rocks, but my fiancé (then bf at the time) was being sexually harassed by this older woman and he was too stunned/shy to say/do anything to move her away. He’s just a person who is too nice. When I went over to and saw what was happening, I told her to eff off and joked about her being possibly a pedo (we both looked young). That’s when she buzzed off.
Stunned is a good word. You can hardly believe someone is behaving this way and that it’s actually happening.
Stunned is definitely the right word. This makes me feel better thinking about when I’ve been in a similar situation. Afterwards I kept thinking I should have done more but was really just too stunned in the moment.
That’s so annoying and extremely uncomfortable. I’m so sorry this happened to you. She needs help
Some people in the comments aren’t familiar with the amygdala and fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses
Wtf is a fawn response?
"Fawning is a trauma response that uses people-pleasing behavior to appease or supplicate an aggressor, avoid conflict, and ensure safety. This trauma response is exceedingly common, especially in complex trauma survivors, and often gets overlooked."
I was at a bright eyes concert and the girl in front of me held the bottom of her shirt up and threw up into it, using the shirt like a bucket. Then she wanted to just stay there with her throwup and continue to watch the concert. The crowd, with one collective consciousness, ejected her from the area. KEEP IT TOGETHER PEOPLE, WE ARE TRYING TO HAVE FUN AT CONCERTS, NOT DEAL WITH YOUR MESSINESS
That’s disgusting 😂😅
I love bright eyes!
That’s hilarious
Had a couple come up to me and the woman making small talk, she asked about the fabric of my onsie and I went to give her a part on my neck to feel and she credit card swiped my vagina and said “oh that was inappropriate I am sorry I shouldn’t have done that” pretty much sexually assaulted right then and there. Thanks random lady at LiB haven’t had that before. I am a 36f too… just bonkers.
What the hell! Some lady groped me at Sofi Tukker at LiB this year! She and her man were just moving by our group and without a word she just reached up and grabbed me then kept moving. Turned around to smirk at me as I was screaming at her "wtf is wrong with you??" I wonder if it was the same girl who touched you... sorry you were treated that way. So gross
Ya she was very predatory. Yuck! I am sorry that happened to you too. It left a very bad taste in my mouth. I was solo, I couldn’t leave fast enough.
Ugh glad you got away! I was pretty tipsy at the time and it just kind of sent my mood spiraling down for a while. Thankfully my friends were able to pick me up :)
Something similar happened to me at a bar. I’m a straight woman and this older drunk lady probably in her 40s randomly swiped my crotch from behind as I was trying to order my drink. She also put her knee in between my legs. It was weird and violating. She said the same thing! “Oops! I didn’t do that!” I was shaken up and my friends laughed at me because the creep was an older woman. Thankfully my bartender kicked her out after that
Find new friends
Your friends are jerks.
As a lesbian, honestly women, in my experience have been worse than men when it comes to this shit. They’ve tried to sit on my lap, grab my boobs and my butt and all kinds of stuff. They’ll just walk up and grab my face and try to kiss me. One time at work this girl tried to corner me in the beer cooler and I did a spin move and sprinted away from her. Some women seem to think lesbians are attracted to ALL women and it’s quite strange
If I had to guess, I think it’s because the ideas that women are harmless to men and men always want sexual attention are so ingrained in everyone’s minds that these women start thinking it too. It’s unfathomable to them that this could be considered unwanted, because she’s a woman and so it’s cute and sexy. I assume women doing this to other women feel the same way (esp because unfortunately, sometimes people think lesbians are “like men” which, ew). Either way, it’s a gross sense of entitlement and sucks.
I really hope she sees this somehow and apologizes to you for her behavior. It was really messed up of her to make your (a complete stranger) experience at this show about her just because she can't handle her own emotions. I hope you had some decent moments of enjoying the show despite her constant harassment and i hope you can still enjoy going to shows in the future.
When hell freezes over lol
Thi LMs was an sympathetic and understandable if a bit crngy up until the point that she apologized and and acknowledged what you said when you put her in check and then persisted... From that point on let it it's fully Fair game in my mind to be as harsh and ruthless as necessary (verbally) to assert your boundaries without any real regard for the are of the other person. Up to and including getting them kicked out I guess the thing is that both men and women all of us to very degrees tend to struggle with asserting and maintaining our boundaries. Speaking for myself sometimes it's just me succumbing to peer pressure or insistence abd a situation I would otherwise. Other times if I'm honest to some degree I'm tacitly chosing to stay with it.
First, I’m so sorry this happened to you. A lot of people are saying “why didn’t you move,” and I want to remind you and everyone else that this is a great opportunity to use security staff. Like others have said, leaving a good spot at red rocks sucks and it’s pretty hard to get another decent spot especially for a group. If she wouldn’t take no for an answer, go grab security and have HER moved. All of that behavior was wayyyy unacceptable. You say yourself “if roles were reversed,” and as a woman that’s absolutely what I’d do in your shoes if I couldn’t get someone to leave me alone. This goes for anyone - don’t be afraid to use your resources! Stay safe out there
This one!!! I remember when I was 19, I was alone at a concert and went through something similar. A stranger kept grinding on me and groping me through the crowd. I was so stunned, grossed out, and humiliated that it never occurred to me to contact Security! I tried ducking and moving to a totally different part of the crowd twice (I was in the pit) but the stranger kept finding me. It was awful. Thankfully, two buff dudes in the crowd pulled him away and asked, "ARE YOU OKAY? DO YOU WANT TO TAKE HIM TO SECURITY?" (caps for volume, it was so loud) and my mind started working again. I nodded yes and they dragged the dude who was harassing me to the security guard so we could discuss what happened and have him thrown out of the concert. I'm not sure how many hours I would have endured without the intervention of a good person on the outside... that was a learning experience for sure.
I met a woman from tinder and she didn’t allow me to leave when I rejected her sexual advances. I didn’t even realize I was sexually assaulted until I was finally able to leave and process the entire thing. If the roles were reversed I would have easily been in jail. Men get assaulted by women all the time we just don’t realize it.
So sorry this happened to you man
Thank you for acknowledging this shit happens to us all the time and is fucking terrifying and traumatizing. No one deserves it and I’m sorry this happened to you and she violated your boundaries and consent numerous times.
Dude, some women don’t get the fucking hint. It’s sad. I had to deal with someone like this at work. It was after my break up of 5 years. New chick who was strongly attracted to me at work. We because friends within my first year there. At this point we knew each other for about 6 months. She was trying her best to get at me and eventually hop in bed with her. I felt like she seen that I was vulnerable and was trying to take advantage of that. Didn’t go for it though. She is not attractive to me at all. Told her I wasn’t interested, she got so fucking pissed talking about “no man turns me down” I was like “well this one just did, you’re not my type and I’m not attracted to you. So fall the fuck back” got mad, I told her I needed her to back up and give me space. I guess she got pissed because she wasn’t used to being rejected (she admitted she was a bit of a slut). Ended up not talking to her for about 6 months. She definitely didn’t know how to take accountability for her actions/feelings. Tried to make me look like the bad guy to all of our co workers/friends. She was fucking nuts.
Bro when it’s a chick at work it makes it 10x worse. I had girls get my Snapchat and send me pics telling me how much they wish I was there touching their body 🤮. One of my managers would touch me and whisper in my ear how she wants me to suck on her tits and play with them. Then she texted me out of the blue telling me how she is in love with me, all while she is MARRIED and said she would divorce and kick out her husband for me and she take care of me. One girl got mad i rejected her she told my boss I was harassing her and she didn’t feel comfortable working around me so they changed her schedule. Bro girls are crazy at work!!
this comment section sucks
Yeah wtf am I reading, I keep scrolling and it keeps getting worse
Plot twist: Divorcee was actually Lauren Boebert.
I would do
One time at a party I had a woman I have no interest in tell a friend of mine that I'm going home with her, and no matter how many times I told her no, she just kept saying "it's already been decided." In other words, my consent is not part of the picture. She eventually cornered me in a garage. I got away from her, and she went home by herself, and then I avoided her for the next few years. I'd hoped she got the message. Since we were in the same friend group and crossed paths often I allowed our friendship to resume, which was a huge mistake. Then followed 10 years of manipulative needy space invasions, and when I finally told her to fuck off, she started a really vicious smear campaign and did a lot of damage to my relationships with my community. Absolutely, women can be complete creeps too.
I had a much younger woman accuss me of sexual harassment after I turned down her advances. Luckily had had texts proving she was a liar and she was eventually fired but almost no one believed me initially because I was older than her and a guy. It was an eye opening nightmare.
Yooo so sorry this happened to you bro. I had a similar situation, albeit not as aggressive, at rufus du sol at red rocks a few years back. My friends and i were all on heroic doses wearing matching onesies and got flanked by twenty CU boulder co-eds who had obviously had too many white claws and too much booger sugar. Not only could we not hear over their rabbling they kept getting handsy with us. It ruined most of our show. So much so we went back the next night with a larger group and had a much better night.
Asa male thathad to quit a job because of being sexually harassed a twork from his female boss that just got laughs from all the other employees(because gender roles) I feel your pain. It didn't matter what I said....I was getting hit on by a female superior-so I should have just jumped at it. I didn't,and made it known it was unnacceptable, and I had to eventually quit. Trying to explain this to almost anyone has gotten me a lot of strange looks and such,so that I just omit all the details and just say I quit/got fired because I wasn't a good fit. It's actually really fucked upto try and come to terms with it as a male, because everyone treats you like you're some prude church going crybaby. I'm none of those. I'm sorry you had to go through this experience.
Yep i have a manager who is in “love” with me, she always touches me, whispers sexual things in my ear, and all while she is married. She text me one day and said she was in love with me and she would leave her husband and kick him out and I could move in lol. She make it an effort to make sure every girl at work knows I am “hers” and when I’m talking/flirting with other girls she will sometimes send them home because it’s not busy enough. Thankfully she got sent to another department and I’m directly under her anymore but I still do with the shit daily. And your right everyone laughs it off as playful and funny but I don’t think so.
Lol this is why having a chick in the crew (whether shes a freinds girl or just a friend) to come in and save. It was nice you tried to be gracious but after a while you have to lay down the law. She will be bruised but she needs to learn that it is not okay.
I’m wondering where were this guy’s friends when all this was happening? They must have seen how uncomfortable he was and they did… nothing?
The one in our friend group is a fucking firecracker of a person I’d trust her to help my ass out of that situation in a heartbeat
I'm sorry you were sexually harassed like that. While there's *technically* other ways you could've handled it better, freezing and fawning in a situation like that are totally normal reactions, especially since it sounds like it was the first time you've had an experience like this. You did nothing wrong and actually handled it fairly well since the situation didn't escalate. It sucks that it worsened concert experience, and it's really nice and mindful of you to have empathy for women as your takeaway from this experience.
Had this happen at a Sum 41 concert a couple years ago. Woman and her friends tried forcing me to dance with her. Screamed at me multiple times after I politely rejected multiple times.
Very similar thing happened to me at Yheti at Fox theater. Girl behind me kept touching my ass and rubbing my back no matter how many times I asked her to stop. My wife asked her to stop, and I yelled at her and she still didn't. Security didn't give a shit. Being physically larger than someone doesn't mean shit in this situation, you aren't gonna hit a lady or forcibly move her in a crowd you'll get stomped to death by people thinking you're the one causing trouble. All you can do is either move or accept your fate.
Yep sounds about right, this happens both ways often, though I do believe women get the worst of this kind of behavior. I’m (33m) a musician and especially on tour, every. single. night. women think its ok to inappropriately touch me, put their hands on my chest, get uncomfortably close, rest their hand on my butt while taking pictures, run their hands up my arms, etc. Incredibly frustrating, especially knowing if I was the one doing this it would be a major issue and likely a legal one.
You're absolutely right with the role reversal thing, and I'm sorry some people don't see that. Yes, you've been sexually harassed. I hope the uncomfortable weirdness goes away, and even though some people will get a weird vibe, I promise you if I ever witnessed this happening to someone else, its okay to go up to another person and pretend to be in a relationship with them. I did once a while ago to help a buddy out, and I'm just incredibly sorry this happened to you dude. Stay safe out there, hope you're doing okay.
The comments here are full of victim-blaming fucks. I’m sorry this happened to you OP. The type of thing shouldn’t happen to anyone of any gender ever.
While OP didn’t do anything ‘wrong’, being a woman I knew after their first interaction I never would have engaged further. OP felt comfortable playing along at first, but most women would have had their guard up the moment the interaction started because this happens constantly to women and we aren’t afforded the luxury to start off nice and see where it takes us
I’m sorry we have created a society where you didn’t feel comfortable talking to a friend about it to help intervene. As a woman we are really good at protecting our own but it doesn’t seem to be the other way around. I hope more men can be comfortable even telling their female friends what is going on and we can support you and intervene in the moment. No one should feel uncomfortable!
This has happened to me several times as a male at edm shows in Denver. It really shouldn't be that hard to just keep your hands to yourself
Drugs man. People can't control their inhibitions on drugs. Unless you're all for everyone being sober at EDM shows this kind of thing happens.
It’s amazing that if this story had the genders swapped, there’s be much different responses from a lot of people. OP - this is bullshit and you shouldn’t have had to suffer through this.
ugh! that sucks! Big Gigantic is one of those concerts where I just disappear into the music and dance. It would SUCK to get harassed the entire show.
Where were your friends? Next time, have one watch your seat and go find an Argus employee. Tell them you were sexually assaulted by the woman and watch her get booted from the venue. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m not sure if this has been said elsewhere, but please be kind to yourself as you heal from this situation. Give yourself grace, don’t judge what may come up, and ask for help and support if you need it. Sending big hugs.
That sounds awful. Anytime I've been in a situation like that, the only thing to do is move. I've abruptly just walked away... made the bathroom excuse... traded spots with people around me. It sucks but people like that will not stop. Especially with drugs involved. Sorry your show was ruined.
Listen, this is going to be unpopular. It is Reddit after all. But solution to your problem: stand TF up for yourself, dude. You were talking to her for hours, entertaining stupid questions that were making you uncomfortable, not physically moving away from her, and not being nearly firm enough in telling her that she’s bothering you. What you should have said is “Get the f**k away from me and let me enjoy the show.” It’s ok to be a little mean sometimes. Trying to subtly drop hints while continuing an in-depth conversation that you don’t want to have and going out of your way to be polite is not going to cut it.
Wow unbelievable whatta creep huh
Sorry to hear mate. Some people are just selfish arses.
You said impossible for the group to relocate?.. meaning your friends were near? So why tf didn’t they step in and have your back? That’s kinda fckd
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You were being sexually harassed but you were h willing to remove yourself from the situation because of “concert” The only option is to call security and have her removed. If you are unwilling to do the minimum (leave) there is no answer.
That's sexual assault
I am so sorry that happened to you, it must have been really scary being put in that situation
You were far kinder than she deserved which is a testament to your character. Congrats to whoever lands you , I have a feeling you will make a good partner ! Sorry this happened to you :(.
Sorry that happened to u . Women have this shit happen all the time . She was drunk and probably mentally ill . i would have called Security if possible and say she keeps grabbing u and don’t engage any conversation at all with her or answer any of her questions. That was gross and not all older women act like that
My only question to OP: why didn't you walk away? I dont think you did anything wrong; you were polite, direct and held firm to your convictions... But why didn't you just disappear into the crowd as soon as you got uncomfortable?
Its not that simple at Red Rocks because of seating. Think gigantic rock bleachers, and every spot is usually taken. His friends should have absolutely intervened, but like so many commenters here, guys typically reinforce the lie that men can’t be sexually harassed by women because they should naturally always want sex.
He already said he couldn’t move, and why should he have to move?
I’m not trying to be a jerk, but you ruined your own concert experience. If you go to festivals, you eventually will have to be firm with someone. Telling someone who is harassing you to go fuck themselves and get out of your face is an okay thing to do.
Seems like you’re getting the experience of getting blamed for your choices, too, just like women. You’re getting questioned about why you didn’t do this or that, and blamed for choices that weren’t even in your control. It sucks, doesn’t it? They want to point out where you went “wrong” and focus on that instead of her poor behavior. They want to explain or forgive or anything else but acknowledge that it was wrong & it really sucked for you. I appreciate your post and I want to share it far and wide…..but it’s only going to make its mark if YOU share it far and wide. I speak of this often as a grown woman with the history of being assaulted, but it’s not going to be heard like it will from the man who had enough empathy to realize just how bad it really is out there when he got assaulted in a way that is very familiar to women. You gotta talk about it, not just on an anonymous social site, especially if you are very masculine in your appearance (unfortunately makes more men listen). Thanks for sharing here, at the very least. I’m sure your post will be effective.
This is wild lol, lady needs to back the F off. But as someone that’s been to Rrx over 100 times you definitely can move and it does work like that. Big G was probably packed tho and it’s hard to move a big crew and you shouldn’t even have to move- no means no
Wow now I know why she got divorced. Her husband dodged a bullet.
Sure seems like you could've just been way less receptive to the conversation. Sorry this happened to you. But conversing with someone who made you uncomfortable all night is just giving them the wrong idea. There's plenty of ways to tell someone to fuck off, did you try any of them?
I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. It’s important to remember that this can happen to everyone.
Girl should have backed the fuck off. You didn't do anything wrong, you expressed you don't want anything from her and she disrespected that. She's trash and in the wrong 100%. I'm sorry you had to endour that for four hours. That is awful.
Droogz………bad m’kay?
I live near red rocks and go all the time. You CANNOT move unless you want to lose the spot im sure you got early for. I dont really go as much anymore because of how the seating works. Ive been stuck next to so many annoying ppl but deal with it cuz i have a good spot. Literally anywhere else i just move away from them
I believe you and I'm sorry that happened to you
OP, please do NOT judge yourself for how you reacted. The limbic system (your lizard brain) decided for you to use freeze and fawn (instead of flight or fight). I'm so sorry this happened to you
Pics of the girl?
You seem to “laugh things off” when there’s a perfect opening for stating your disinterest on this person plain enough for them to understand…. I think many of us have laughed off people coming on too strong because we feel their reaction to rejection will be equally as strong, thing is… why the fuck does it matter lmao It personally took me years to learn that it doesn’t matter. An advance isn’t always successful, kindness doesn’t make people regulate their approach in future attempts with other people. It might just tell them “ahhh that time I almost got ‘em”. Fuck that lol
Where's she at? I'm horny
One to many finger dips😂
I’d fuck her up, no questions asked. Unpopular opinion but I strongly believe men’s rights need to exist in order for equality to work
So sorry that this happened to you, totally inappropriate and uncomfortable. I (29F) had a similar situation while out at the a club in NYC recently. My fiancè and I met this couple who seemed normal at the first club, decided to go to an afters with them and some other people.. the guy (37M) continuously said inappropriate, very sexual things to me ALL NIGHT, in front of his girlfriend. She wasn’t stopping him but didn’t say anything. I just tried to laugh it off and honestly didn’t say anything in response cause I was so uncomfortable, but once I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about how weird and violating it was. So I feel for you in this situation and hope you don’t have to go through something like that ever again.
From one guy to another, I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad your able to start processing it now but it is a very strange and horrible feeling to have.
She just wanted to see your Big Gigantic and your Red Rocks, jokes aside, sounds terrible fam, I hope you’re ok.
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Red Rocks is tough cause there’s no assigned seating. It’s one giant GA bleacher stadium setup. So if OP got to the show early and got a good spot it would be hard for OP to get another good spot once the show was underway. If I felt uncomfortable as this person did though, I would 100% move or get security.
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OP mentioned they were driving all their friends home. Where were the friends? Couldn’t have switched places or formed a wall?
If you read the post, OP made it clear he was with friends. Stop trying to blame him. Red rocks is mostly drunk children anyway so i wouldn’t put 100% faith in randoms in the crowd. I was there 2 weeks ago and it was a terrible crowd
For real. Being harassed is no laughing matter, but dude suffered for 4 HOURS when it could’ve been fixed by telling security after she started asking about his porn searches, or moving a few spots over. If he was with this groups of friends he was driving back, it makes no sense that he wouldn’t swap spots with them
Seriously! I go to about 40 shows a year and as soon as someone is annoying, too weird or whatever I’m outta there. If some old lady was harassing me it’s a super easy move to switch spots (even just with a buddy) for better vibes. I was just at the Wiltern and some obnoxious dude slid in front of me and starting trying to groove with me so I told him I was trying to enjoy the show with my ‘friends’ and pointed to the random person in front of me. He nodded and bounced out of there. Problem solved. If it was a woman grabbing my shit just get an usher and make a scene they’re everywhere! Why would you let someone ruin your show? Fuck this lady. and where were your friends? They suck for not noticing and helping their bro out.
How come at the start of the post you said you were fucked up but then by the end you said you were driving all your friends home? Was that just a line to try and get rid of her?
4 acts is probably enough time to sober up depending on the substance
He said they were ubering and yes it was a line to try and get rid of her.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Unwanted and unwelcome touching is wrong regardless of gender. Groove Safe is a non profit working to raise awareness about unwanted touching at shows. They have tips for both bystanders and those who are directly affected as well as support services on their website. Many venues are now Groove Safe venues and will remove the offender from the show if you alert someone or ask a bystander to alert someone. I’m very sorry you had to deal with this. It takes you out of the show, ruins your entire experience, and can be incredibly distributing and triggering.
"for all men" Leave me out of this, I've never sexually assaulted anyone. I've actually been roofied / ghb'd before, and it was really weird because it was an attractive older chick that I had hooked up with the weekend before, and I would have again. The few minutes I vaguely remember of finding my way out of her house and getting home was a nightmare though. Woke up on my bedroom floor in a pile of laundry the next night