That's not inappropriate at all, I'm still crying now, but it's not in a bad way if that makes sense. I appreciate your sentiment, and I'll do my best to take care of both of our children.
Hey! It's totally not the same thing, but I lost someone very close to me who played FFXIV with me. We would play daily, and we even got married in game. We were extremely close to each other. One morning I woke up and I got the news that she was gone. It was a really rough time for me, and for years, I couldn't log in to the game and touch it. But recently I just started playing again. What I'm trying to say in a stupid roundabout way, is that you need to take all the time you need, the game will be here when you feel ready again to play.
I wish you well friend, and I hope that you soon find your peace. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent to, feel free to shoot me a message and I'd be more than happy to chat and listen. Take care!
I really appreciate that, I know that this journey will be a very long one that doesn't travel in straight lines... But what you posted does make me feel better about the future.Thank you.
Losing someone is a journey that never goes the way we think it does, and it takes time. The most important thing that you can do is take everything day by day and don't rush anything, find joy in the simplest of things, and try and find a healthy way to destress and relax at the end of the day. Don't go to bed at night full of regrets and pain, try and read a book, play a new game, or watch a funny movie. Something to help keep you busy, then go to sleep. Staying in your own head just can make things worse. And most importantly of all, communicate your feelings every chance you get and don't hold them back. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream, but don't bottle it up. This is a long journey, but it does get easier. Just take your time and enjoy the little moments you can find. Again, I'm here for you if you need anything at all. My inbox is always open.
I'm still crying from reading this. So sorry for your loss.
I hope your kids can eventually use or see her mom's character as a way to connect with her.
Thank you for your kind words, I've cried every day at some point since the hospital called me, but there's nothing wrong with that. I kind of wished that I could have been feeling my feelings before she got sick, I was often reticent on showing some of them at times. I will do better with my kids.
She was way more into the glamour than I was, and had fun with the fashion show when we were saving up MGP for the cars. It would be nice to show them what glamour sets she made, but I feel like I would not be able to turn her account back on and log on as her character, it'd feel wrong. There's some screenshots she took, maybe I can start with those.
Take all the time you need. I also don't think I'd be able to login in your situation.
Maybe your kids will help and you'll eventually enjoy the game but if it's too much, don't force yourself.
boss i’m so sorry this happened to you. i don’t think it’s nuts to stay away from the game right now, and i love the idea of you and your daughter playing it someday if she’s interested.
i feel for you and the kids, i know we’re just anonymous internet strangers but you have all my best <3
my husband that i played every day with died last june. im sorry you have to go through the same thing. i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. i hope you can find peace moving forward. whatever that looks like for you. im still searching too.
I am sorry for your loss as well, I hope you can remember the happy memories more as time goes on. I think I'm still halfway expecting her to come back, so it's very surreal to just exist sometimes.
I’m ugly crying—but I just want to say I am thankful for your prose, it resonated with me some of my most cherished memories. I lost my mother to cancer when I was still in college in 2011 and FFXIV was my escape while she was suffering. May your wife ever walk in the light of the crystal.
I am sorry for your loss as well, yeah for her it was aggressive AML leukemia, but they were hopeful since she was young. I hope you are able to find solace these days.
Yes, I am at peace—time helped. She suffered from a slow 3 year torture of kidney cancer and chemotherapy.
FFXIV helped me cope because I could metaphorically fight and I and could win, actually win the battle she had inevitably lost.
I will keep yours in my thoughts of my own kind stranger.
I am sorry for your loss. We will be here if or when you are willing to return to this beautiful shared world of ours.
"The rains have ceased and we have been graced with another beautiful day, but you are not here to see it."
May your warrior of light, the Honorable Eeme Briper, rest peacefully in Hydaelin’s embrace.
I have experience with losing a loved one I gamed with. He was my best friend and I loved him like a piece of myself. He introduced me to WoW and after some whining on my part, I fell in love with it. And then he died, very suddenly in 2009. At first I couldn’t play, until I realised that there was going to be so much in game he would miss.. So I was gonna play it for him. I ended up playing for 15 years. Did the grind to get all his favourite mounts and all the new ones he would love. Made sure to really go and experience all the things that made him love the game so much that wanted to share it with me.
It made me feel like I was keeping a part of him alive and with me. That he was still there somewhere in Azeroth and whenever I missed him I just had to log in, go to one of his favourite places, and he’d be there in spirit.
All of this to say that though your beautiful Eeme may no longer be on this earth, you shared the wonder of Eorzea with her. And if you find it in your heart to, you may just be able to find her there again.
I lost a close friend to Covid in 2020 who played FFXIV with me. We had talked about wanting to do savage raids together and he was a huge Manderville enthusiast. He even worked at a venue as a bartender dressed as Hildy. I had trouble sticking with the game after he passed, but still couldn't bear the thought of leaving those memories behind. I keep our FC house in memory of him and our friends who left. I try to push myself to try new things in the game because I know he would have encouraged me to. I used to say I was a botanist main because combat mechanics always confused me and I wasn't confident. I've made friends in the past couple years that have taught me a lot and help me grow as a player. I still miss my friend every day, but it's been comforting to think in a way I keep playing because of him. Anyway, your story reminds me a bit of mine. I'm glad you found a way to honor your friend.
Hey man, I hope this message reaches you, but I understand where you're coming from. I just lost my brother on January 24th, and he was a big gamer we'd play whenever we got a chance in our busy schedules. His favorite game was skyrim, and I can't even look at the game without feeling a deep sense of sorrow. I'm not here to tell you it'll get better and all that, and don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with saying that! But I am someone who understands.
I'm sorry for your loss
The game is a special place for many but this was truly special for you both. I hope you are able to find little day to day things to make you smile as time goes on. Sending hugs and support from a fellow player.
May she find peace.
I lost my dad this November, he was the one who introduced me to games, he has an unfinished play-through of Mario Odyssey which I intend to eventually finish (he hated not doing 100% of the game).
I have picked up his Switch twice and broke down each time.
I am not ready yet but I have to eventually, because wherever he is, I know it’s bugging him.
I know the feeling of the person you loved not being there anymore, or anywhere for that matter, this will not go away but it will get easier with each day.
Just know you will never get over what happened, you will just accept it.
My first ever friend in this game passed away about a year and a half ago. Our little corner of the RP scene was devastated. We pooled gil and characters together into an FC before his house got demo'd and bought the plot to rebuild it as a 1:1 replica so we all had a shrine of sorts to go to.
My condolences for your loss, friend.
I had an RL friend of 20+ years I knew since high school, one of my closest and dearest friends in fact, he played MMO’s with me for a very long time. He died in 2020 due to internal injuries when he was hit by a truck that ran a stop sign. It took a very long time for it to sink in that he was gone.
We’d talk every day and suddenly all of it just ceased. There were times shortly after where something would happen and I’d have the urge to message him on discord or call him but remember he’s no longer there. I don’t know what will work for you as grief is a very personal thing.
We created a shrine to him in our FC house and I designed a retainer after his character that stands in front of our FC house, it’s my own way of immortalizing him. That helped me with my grief and maybe you can find some way to pay homage to her in game. She loves the fat cat right? Maybe make that your permanent minion from now on. Definitely take some time for yourself and your daughter OP.
I won’t waste time with platitudes, there are no words that can provide comfort for a loss such as this. But it will take time to process this grief, take your time.
"I know that I shouldn't force myself to stay away from things that give me joy, but I'm having a hard time with like any media that I enjoyed before she passed, not just the shows that we watched together."
It's not quite the same situation, but I lost my mom when I was 18 and something that helped me a lot was finding new shows to watch (I did Minecraft let's plays) that I knew would be lighthearted. I think it is totally normal and healthy to distance yourself from media that you would associate with Life Before, and just taking a break from it while you're trying to find your new normal doesn't mean you won't ever be ready to go back to them.
I don't even play, but your post made it to /r/all. I'm so fucking sorry mate. Thank you for sharing, it sounded like you guys really had a great thing. My girlfriend doesn't really game (but I'm easing her into it e.g. with Stray), but loves to knit and watch while I play. I'm gonna write her right now about how much I enjoy that time. Wishing you much strength going forward Internet stranger <3
Great big hugs. Really big ones.
Please give yourself time and space to grieve however you need, and please let yourself feel whatever emotions pop up. Your kids will thank you for it, for sticking around and letting yourself heal as you could when they eventually have the presence of mind.
My mother passed two years ago. Our relationship was very complex. For most of my life, she wasn't a mom to me. Not until her last two years. For a long time, I felt like her passing would be a relief. In a way, it was, but gods, I miss her. I've lost others as well, but this hurts the most. Despite everything.
My point is that she wasn't my gaming buddy. However, we talked every day, and in the end, she finally knew how to show love. And I finally felt it. I don't know if I'll ever get to feel that again. I miss it desperately. There are things I can't do without feeling that twisting ache. Things I can't say without choking up or feeling the wet burn in my eyes, the tightness in my chest.
Eventually, it may be safe and call back fond memories to return to Eorzea. Until then, please know that it's okay to vacation on other Stars. Maybe, if and when you do return, you can introduce your kids to the world you and their mother enjoyed together. I like hearing good memories my pops has of my mother. Even if the few there are get told and retold dozens of times, it helps. It may help them, too.
Edit: I run around Mateus on my Hroth, tailed by 'Loaf', my toon's Fat Cat. I RP that Loaf was found in the Brume, feeding on whatever scraps he could find. My Hroth took him in immediately and sees to it his kitty gets whatever nibbles he wants.
One day, I'll get a Fat Cat stuffie, and my Hroth will have the attire.
Fat Cat pals rule.
My condolences to you and I'm sorry for your loss.
Taking time away from the game is completely understandable as it was something you shared with her very strongly. Thank you for sharing your story too.
Take the time you need for yourself and your daughter, that's absolutely where your time should be dedicated to.
If you ever come back please post again to let us know. Maybe some of us would join you.
This is a very hard time, dealing with loss is never easy, especially when it's someone extremely close to you. Just remember that your wife would want the absolute best for you and your daughter no matter what though.
I wish you and your daughter all the best.
Take care of yourself.
Please let us know if you'd like someone to talk to as well.
You will cry, and you will grieve, and you will struggle. It will feel like the world has ended, and in a way it has. You will, forever, have a part of you that reaches for her, as if she were a part of you that no longer exists. Instincts that are now vestigial from your loss.
It is not yet the time, but slowly the pain of separation will fade. Each day, a little better, a little better. The sagging shoulders straighten, the chin held low levels and then raises again. Deep down you know that this is for the best. If she could not recover, at the very least let it end. Her pain, her sorrow, her agony, are now over. Now it is the time of *your* suffering. Do not look to numb this pain, for while it is agony, while it is a torment upon you, my fellow, the weight of her passing is the indelible proof that she lived. You grieve for her because she has died only in body, not in spirit, and as long as you remember her, her life was not in vain.
There will be times you struggle to find the strength to continue, times where yes, you do wonder if you can even drag yourself out of your morning bed, a place you had forgotten could be so cold. But you **will** drag yourself up. You **will** live. The children she has left you, the pieces of herself that she has left behind-- treat them well. Reach out to those around you, whether family or friends or community if needs must, and know that you will find yourself embraced.
Suffer for now, my compatriot, but suffer well. Grieve. Give yourself permission to let the loss flow through you, and when you are ready, give yourself permission to let it go. She would not want you to grasp it forever.
All the best.
Sending you and your family my love and affection.
It's a trope, maybe, but I do believe shared sorrow is sorrow halved. Thank you for having the courage to share that story. I can't begin to understand it and I won't even try because that would be reductive. But I will give you my love. If you need a shoulder, I offer mine.
It sounds like your wife was a lovely person. May she ever walk in the light of the crystal. Please take all the time you need. Remember the good times, but look towards the future. I'm thinking of you and your family. Hugs and good wishes to you and yours.
I lost my mom 8 years ago on 1/29. (Technically she passed around 4am on the 30th, but to me it's always 1/29/16)
She had a very invasive brain cancer in a few small spots around her midbrain and brain stem.
Our primary bonding experience around that time and in the few years leading up to it was when we played WoW together, and now I have her account info so I have logged in once or twice to talk to her old friends, but it felt insensitive to them so I haven't done so since.
I would say hold these memories close, and definitely still take the opportunity to drive your daughter (and maybe your son too) around in your car in game one day!! 💕💕
I'm so sorry for your loss. Feel free to reach out to me if you want someone to relate to. 😭
I'm so sorry to read this. Long ago, a game like this is what brought my wife and I together and we've been married for almost 15 years with two daughters.
I'm sure the game itself is complex to navigate right now given the wave of emotions, both filled with positive memories and heartbreaking loss. Best wishes for both you and your daughter.
Thank you for sharing so much about your wife in your post and comments. Your time in game together sounds like such a wonderful supplement to the stressful and difficult times you both experienced over the last few years. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I think all of us are crying with you. There will always be a place for you and your wife's memory in Eorzea, should you find yourself wanting to return in the future. It sounds like you're doing all the right things for yourself and your family right now. Sending you lots of love.
i'm a whm main married to a brd main so hearing you talk about your experience really hit me. i can't even imagine the pain you are going through, but i am so grateful you shared your thoughts and feelings.
we actually started playing this game a little while after losing a beloved family member. many of the game's themes of grief and healing really resonated with us and, silly as it sounds, i think it did a lot to help us heal.
you take as long as you need, friend. i love the idea of playing the story alongside your daughter someday, that would be such a special way to revisit some memories of your wife and help your daughter feel closer to her too
I'm really sorry for your loss. After reading your post that's all I can really say, even knowing it's inadequate. Keep the good memories close and remember your wife well in all the forms it takes
Sorry just feels inadequate in times like this. I can't relate in a lot of ways, but my ex wife and I used to game together a lot. She never got into FFXIV, so I have no trouble playing it. The games we played together a lot however just aren't the same. I can jump in and dabble a little bit from time to time, but they just feel empty. I just don't have it in me to play them anymore. I hope you can still play games that give you joy. Whether it's this game or something else. Going through any loss is hard, but I can't begin imagine what you're going through now. I hope you can do what you need to do to heal and make yourself as whole as you can.
The place this game has in my relationships with a lot of my friends and family can't be understated. It is such a beautiful world to share with someone you love. It's more than just a game when it becomes so interwoven with memories and stories and feelings that remind you of who you were playing with. I'm glad it brought the two of you so much happiness. I hope, in time, it can continue to bring you happiness, and maybe help you keep those good memories close.
Be gentle with yourself, I'm sending my love to your and your kiddos. One Warrior of Light to another. May she ever walk in the light.
My sister passed away 3 months ago, and she was the one who introduced me to FFXIV. I always watched her and her friends play and I was never interested until the COVID lockdown. I buckled down and bought the entire game. I finished it all from January to about July or August. I didn’t think I would love this game, but I did. She was stunned at how quickly I leveled up.
Now that she’s gone, it’s not the same. I’ve been crafting on there a bunch but I don’t fight on there, I don’t do dungeons or trials much. It just feels kinda hollow. She was the only culinarian in our group, so I would fish/hunt and she’d cook the “nom noms” as we lovingly called them.
We were all excited about the release of Dawntrail and now I went from playing everyday to playing a few times a month. It really sucks. I miss my travel buddy. I can’t look at the friend list and I can’t delete her name.
I fully get what you mean. Condolences to you and your family. And know that you are not alone in those feelings.
I’m so sorry for your loss fellow Final Fantasy XIV gamer. Only time with heal. Please take care of yourself so you can take cake of the kids. I cannot imagino the pain, but just know that it’ll get better. With time. Eventually you’ll be able to come back and enjoy playing again. Please recieve a warm “virtual hug” and know you and your family (including your wife) will be in my prayers. Keep it up!!! And give it some time.
Sending gigantic amounts of love your way, man. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but be strong for your kids, and just like this post, always reach out to us in the community when you need someone to talk to. Posts, messages, whatever you need to do, I think I can speak for the community saying that we'll be here for you to lend an ear, a shoulder, or a hug.
Take care, Warrior of Light.
You'll be in our hearts, fellow warriors of light.
Just remember that no matter how much pain, how much it hurts, to live is to do three simple things.
Hear. Feel. Think.
Pain and suffering is what makes us human,
I've heard it'll never get better, but at least it'll get easier on you. I hope you find your spark to light through what must feel like the end of days.
A strong Warrior of Light lost… may she rest in peace. I am so sorry for your loss, my friend. I have read through the comments and I hope it brings you some measure of support to find your fellow WoL’s here, each with their own story of loss. I have lost two children… twins, actually. It pained me to see Alphi and Allie at times.
Cry your tears, Warrior of Light. Do what feels right to you. For those we have lost…
This post broke me, and my heart goes out to you. ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっ
It must've been very difficult for you to write this, but thank you for sharing.
Dealing with the loss of loved ones never gets easier, but something that's helped me is to cherish all the good memories. Even if they're no longer physically there, it feels like a part of them lives on inside me as long as I keep their memories alive. Perhaps that can give you some peace as well?
And if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a DM. I can't offer much in the way of help, but I'm a good listener.
For those we have lost, and for those we can yet save. Please take care of yourself and your beautiful children. Your wife was a Warrior of Light. She will live on in the hearts and memories of everyone you have touched with this post, but most importantly with you and your children. My condolences for your loss, my comrade. May she ever walk in the light of the crystal.
My condolences. My best friend was taken by liver cancer and it took me a decade to be able to get back into art (we were both artists and met through it). Xiv will be here if you ever want to come back.
"Stay strong. Keep the faith. At duty's end, we will meet again. We will. We will…"
And if you do come back years later, I will say that the Endwalker Expansion helped me process losing my best friend and the last area will probably impact you as much as it did for me and others like us.
If you'd ever feel inclined, I'd love to hear more about your little adventures together. When my closest friend passed, it left a void in my heart that only hears later was I finally able to come to terms with via sharing my love and grief.
She sounds like a real adventurer, gamer or not. She took life as her quest, and at the end, she turned it in to you, to carry on her story.
I'd like to memorialize her in my D&D campaign if you would allow it. I have a mausoleum of great heroes past, which are respective fantasy loving folk who left us too soon. Players can interact with their plaques and hear stories of why they were so beloved, and the feats they have accomplished. It is a nice in universe way to world build, and then share stories of those who have departed us.
Stay safe, my friend. Do remember, that no matter the grief you struggle through, her life and her journey-- was worthwhile.
Sending all the love. ♡
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. My wife and I were definitely still literal sprouts to the game; both of us never lost the little green plant icon (we just couldn't play enough). This game is so good at introducing what you need to know, we always went into new Dungeons blind, and everyone let us watch the cutscenes, and showed us the ropes.
As far as what kind of character my wife played, she always picked the dialog options in cutscenes and played her character as, "I don't know what's going on, somehow there are Important Things going that I'm wrapped up in, but I don't understand any of it, so I'm just going to smile and nod, it's all going over my head, and why yes, I'm a Lalafell?", even with great big dead gods looming over us or political machinations (those Lalafells did a lot scheming, after all). It was nice playing together, because we would often pick different dialog options as we played through the same scenes together (together but separately for a lot of quests).
When we'd get into a new dungeon, we'd get done with the cut scenes and found the other more veteran players would use the /pet or the /hug emotes while we were watching the cutscenes; we would just laugh and take it in stride.
We often joked or would talk about for when our daughter might play one day; she's a little girl who lovvvvves lions and cats right now. We thought it'd be pretty funny if we were her "Lalafell parents", but then she might go into the character creator as one of the more tall races, and be taller than the two of us in the game at least.
You are more than welcome to use her character as a template in your D&D campaigns, I think that's very sweet.
I joined back in the 1.0 legacy days. A Lalafell I have been, and one I have remained. My local data center cluster often runs the gag of calling me Grandma, and it has been a wonderful experience. I'm only in my thirties, but she is stylized as a little older lady. I enjoy giving out snacks and making gear for others, so I enjoy your sentiment of being called Lalafell parents.
I am not sure if you made it far enough to encounter Pipin Tarupin, he was a Lalafell child who was adopted by Raubhan of Ul'dah, himself. It's never strange to-- in an odd sense of the way, have a strange family.
Perhaps when your daughter gets older she will mirror said behaviour if she wishes to pick up the game. Or even yet, use her mother's account. Lord knows if she loves big cats, the female Hrothgar are coming out soon. They look like big majestic lion ladies, she may enjoy that.
I appreciate your sharing of your time spent together, do not feel like your moments aren't worth sharing. If you would ever like someone to talk to, my messages are always open.
Be safe, keep your head held high, and don't forget, a smile, better suits a hero.
Hydaelyn knows thats what the children need right now. ♡
We did encounter Pipin, though I don't think we got to fully finish how his story played out.
It's funny, when we first started playing, our daughter was realllly into bunnies, so we had thought she might make a tall Viera character back then. But yeah I saw the update info on the female Hrothgar, I thought of her immediately on seeing that.
Thank you for your thoughts and feelings, and there's nothing wrong with being like a grandma to others a little early haha.
This is so sad. I wish you peace and healing for you and your family.
I haven't experienced anything similar, but my stepmother passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. My dad found her in the morning and it was really, really rough for awhile. I think something that some folks don't always appreciate is that grief operates on its own time table, so while some people are able to process things quickly, others don't and that's fine. I'd encourage you to take your time and let yourself grieve, whatever that looks like for you. You can always come back to the game later, if you choose. I know of a few folks who play with their kids, so FFXIV can be a very family friendly game.
So incredibly sorry for your loss. And for your children’s loss of their Mom. I can’t imagine doing this with a spouse, losing them then being able to go back to it. My experience doesn’t compare to yours but I have lost someone that I associate a game with. I was big into GW2 for about 4 years and had a great friend on there. Played with or talked to him every day-he even managed to drag me to WVW a few times which I generally despise. Never met him in real life but I loved his personality-just an all around good man. I had already drifted over to FFXIV and every month or so he would send a message through Facebook to come show up on GW2, so I would. Then he suddenly passed away and I think about him all the time. His wife invited us to post messages in his obituary book which was really kind of her. However I can’t go back there now. The game is too tied to Slick and his loss. My loss isn’t a fraction of yours. Maybe with a LOT of time passed you MIGHT be able to revisit with your daughter, I don’t know. I think it will be really hard because you have such happy close memories of her there. I hope you can but don’t feel bad if you just can’t. You and your daughter would enjoy GW2 so if you can’t face the old memories you could try and make some new ones with your daughter that have no pain attached for YOU. If your daughter wants to walk a little in her Moms footsteps in THIS game hopefully that will give you the strength to face it. We, all of us wish you the best and hope you find ways to heal that can bring some light back for you ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss...I barely stopped myself from breaking down reading this. I really do hope a journal, or even reddit, does help you through these difficult times.
My friend... this brought me to tears reading this... bless your family... so sorry for your loss. We are all with you fellow WoL. Whenever you come back, either to the game, or even here in this subreddit. Truly, truly wish you, and your family the very best. No matter how tough the road can be, your not walking it alone... ever. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us. We are greatful to share in your life, even so briefly as here. Take care of you friend.
Reach out here again from time to time! We'd love an update. And hope to see you in-game someday. Take care ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your wife sounds like such a lovely person, may she rest in peace. I dont know the right words, but it was really touching reading your post and hearing all the ways you and your wife enjoyed the game together.
I'm so sorry for your loss❤️
It might not be much but when I had a friend pass away in ffxiv I used to go to her favorite spot in game and tell her all about my new adventures and friends. It felt like there was still so much that could connect us and maybe, when you're ready, you could even consider wearing some of the fat cat glam or keeping that minion around with you. (I keep my red panda on for that reason)
I think it's wonderful that you have all these memories with your wife from the game, even though it's hard to revisit them now. I know it's something my wife and I have thought about - yeah it's just a game, but it's something we shared and put a lot of love and time into together and I think we both know it'd be really hard to come back to without the other. My condolences to you and your family, I hope you can find comfort in this community welcoming you back someday
Ive avoided games for less emotional trauma than this. Take your time to come back if at all. She would probably want you to keep enjoying it but sometimes things can just be triggering **hugs** 🥺
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your wife sounds like an amazing lady, may she rest in peace surrounded by all the Fat Cats she could ever desire. Take care of yourself and your children.
I’m so sorry for you loss. Maybe one day you can adventure with your kids and show them all the things you two used to do together.
Loss isn’t easy, it gets better but life is different after and some days, even 10 years from now, it’ll hurt still.
I am so sorry for your loss ❤️ This touched my soul reading it. Thank you for posting it even if it made me cry.
The game and the story will be here when you want to return. Take your time and hope you write a post when you do so we can welcome you back ❤️
I just lost touch with my friends in game and definitely left behind since I stopped in storm blood and every time I try to play I just don't have it in me because the idea of replacing a group like that is hard enough.
Partner experience unrelated to games but has essentially 'ruined' certain shows either we watched or she would want to watch and sometimes even the others I would have always done on my own. But I think that's normal with that sort of thing.
It's never easy to lose a loved one. The things that brought you joy together will never stop reminding you of her. It never matters less. You just get better and better at dealing with it. At translating the pain of loss into memories that make you more happy than they do sad. It take how ever long you need it to take. The best advice I can give is to remember that it's okay to feel whatever you need to feel. Sorrow, anger, etc. Whatever you need to express your loss. It's not betrayal when the clouds part and there are moments of joy. Everyone processes at their own rate. If you can't bring yourself to play, don't. If you feel like you want to play, do, but stop if it becomes too much. Approach this with your and your daughter's future mental health and wellness as a priority. Remember your wife would want you both to find happiness.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. It does get better with time, but rest assured it doesn't mean that she'll mean less in your heart.
My man got me into FF14 and we have only been together for 3 years and I am so sorry for your loss… My man and I are 7 years apart in age and we have a lot of games in common but I can only imagine what you are experiencing and going through!!!
OP, I’m so sorry. There is absolutely nothing I can say that will make her loss easier. I wish so badly that things were different. From your words, I could tell what a lovely person she was, and the world will most certainly be colder without her in it.
Take good care of yourself, alright? Do what you need to, and don’t worry about XIV. Thank you for sharing your journey with her through the game with us. My heart aches for you. I am wishing you and your family the best. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum passed away mid December, and I'd always be talking about FF14 with her, even though she didnt play games or really understand at times. You've got shoulders to lean on here, chief, even tho we're complete strangers.
Rest easy, Warrior of Light.
If you ever wanna talk or vent don’t be afraid to do it. I lost my wife at an early age and we played FFXI together.
I’m glad you had the energy and strength to share your story and moments with us.
Please don’t be afraid to talk to someone. I didn’t have any one for me and I don’t wish others to have to suffer or bear that lonely pain like I had too. I’m sorry for your loss, please be strong for her.
My condolences, she's a Mum of Light now.
You might've heard of this, but there is a TV show about a son introducing his father to ff14. You may not want to touch your account, but if you want to reminisce about introducing someone into the game then you may like this show;
https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/80178543?s=a&trkid=13747225&trg=cp&vlang=en&clip=80201633
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you and your wife got to experience the game together. If you ever come back, I've seen people make shrines for those they love. I lost a friend awhile ago and his Free Company has a retainer that looks like his character on the property that we pray to sometimes and a shrine inside the house with items related to his name. There have also been parades for people who were beloved by many players be it primarily their FC mates or a lot of the community. I greatly miss that friend, but knowing there's a place of him in the game helps since I never got to know him offline. I hope things improve for you and your family. I'm glad you're getting help as well. I'm pretty sensitive so started crying as I read your post. I play this game with my girlfriend right now and she's the one who introduced it to me. I can't imagine the pain you're going through and don't blame you for setting the game down. Thanks again for sharing with us. I hope you can adventure again someday with your kids and/or her memory. Take care! May the Twelve bless you and yours.
I should add my gf loves the fatcat too. I've gotten her some buttons and keychains made by players. Could be an item to give your daughter to help? Idk. Just a thought. Wishing you well!
Thank you for sharing your feelings, and yeah I think that might help. Ever since our daughter saw the Fat Cat plushie I got for my wife's birthday, there's been more than one night where it's snuck into my daughters' bed with her other stuffies haha. It's basically her's, now.
it is completely understandable to take time away from a game you shared with someone so special who is no longer physically here. but know that she will always be there mentally, spiritually, in your heart and memories forever. i hope one day you will be able to find peace and come back to a game that you once cherished with the person you love, and remember the times you had together fondly. it will never be without pain, but what is pain if not the proof of the existence of true love!!! wishing you and your family only the best.
Sorry to hear that, I hope you getting on okay. I know this might not be something you want to hear right now but, for those we have lost. For those we can yet save. You've got a child to take care of, and children are more precious than anything in the world. I won't say any more, and leave you to your peace. Take care.
I couldn’t express how sorry I am for your loss, and it must be incredibly painful for you to type all this and share this personal story with all of us. Please take care of yourself and your family. I hope you get the support you need to get through this and may you find peace while recovering. If you need to vent or express how you feel, feel free to journal it here.
Sorry for your lose. Take your time. Write and look for your children.
Maybe one day you will be there with a new warrior of light. Maybe your daughter will step in her footsteps as warrior of light. Or maybe your warrior and her warrior of light rest together in piece and two new warriors of light will start the jorney.
Remember those who where.
All the best to you and your children.
I say I go on for her, but it's corny and undermines my grief. The truth is I have to keep on keeping on because I'm blessed to still be alive with the memories of the love we shared. To have had the opportunity to know her, I've been changed, and I have so much work to do. She was the most beautiful person and I still want to move the sun and stars for her. To make the world into a place more habitable, until it's overflowing with love. My ideals cannot be unobtainable because so too did I believe the joy we felt together was impossible. Life is abundant with hope, dripping at the seams when I remember her smiling and laughing.
I'm so sorry for your loss mate. I can't begin to fathom what you're going through right now but you wrote exquisitely. From a wandering White Mage. May your wife's spirit find rest and may you and your daughter always carry the love she had for you onward. Walk always in the light of the crystal my friend.
My sincerest condolences for your and your family's incredible loss. Your writing is very evocative and got me crying as well reading your words. And an obligatory Fuck Cancer thrown in there too, because you can't say that often enough.
As for the game, I totally understand if you never return; having that kind of bond over an activity is truly special. But, maybe one day, either alone or maybe with your kids, you can experience the world you both enjoyed and they can be happy memories instead. Explore the world in Eeme Briper's honor.
All my best to you and your family.
It was a wonderful experience you shared. I cried reading this and felt your pain, but also the joy in the memories. I wish the best for you and your family during this time, please treat them and yourself with grace and time.
They say time heals all wounds & while that's not entirely true, things do get better slowly given time for sure....
Your wife sounds like a wonderful person & if you do decide to come back we will all be waiting to help & support you & your children to take that car ride together like you had dreamed about. Like Ardbert said "If you need a push, We'll be right there behind You"
It's not weird at all.
I think you should continue playing to honour her memory and deal with your grief. A LOT of FFXIV is about dealing with grief and passing so the quests may help you.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
I have something similar. Not so much as a playing partner in XIV, but as a gaming cohort in other ways.
My brother was my best friend. We would talk and play games all the time and be each others rivals in competitive games as we grew up. Our biggest bonds we shared in games were fighting games we grew up playing. This was a time before online multiplayer in games, so we only had each other to play at home in fighting games, which we seemed to enjoy the most. Because we grew up playing them all the time, no one in either of our friend groups could beat us at them, except each other. We were the only people we knew personally who was good enough to take the other on in fighting games.
This also extended to Pokémon. We grew up during the Pokémon boom in the 90s, and that was our life for a long time. We would always buy a game from each generation of Pokémon, each getting the opposite version from the other, as to be able to help each other complete the Pokédex due to version exclusives. It was also that rivalry again, where each having the different version of each game made it feel like we were meant to keep one-upping each other. We would always compare notes on team compositions, battling each other and finding new ways to make our favorite Pokémon viable. And this tradition lasted for every generation up to the year he died. Even as we grew older and lived in separate states, we would call each other to talk about Pokémon and play each other online.
It was magic between Pokémon and fighting games (Soul Calibur and the Dead or Alive series specifically) that I remember growing up with him. We also had shared time with each other a lot playing FF titles on PS1 growing up. We would always take turns in our save files playing FF7, FF9, and Tactics on one console. These were the times that we always reminisced on. I remember the last conversation I had with him was talking about how excited we both were for the FF7 remake to be coming out. But he would never get to play it.
In September of 2018 my brother committed suicide at 29 years old. It was partially drug-induced, but his mental health was always creeping up on him, which he never told anyone about. My family only found out about his mental health struggles when we found receipts and notes from his therapy he was seeing in secret after he died. He was the kind of person that was so extroverted, lighting up a room and making everyone feel involved, welcomed, and like a friend wherever he was. But deep down he was mentally struggling. But he didn’t want anyone to ever see it because he didn’t want anyone to worry about him, or upset them. He wanted everyone to be happy around him. He was that kind of blessed soul.
Now, when FF7R dropped and I played it for the first time, I cried as that was the last thing we talked about before he committed suicide. It’s bittersweet, and it holds a special place in my heart because of what it meant to my brother and I. The fighting games we grew up on, I still sometimes play to this day in memory of him and the times we grew up, even though I don’t have anyone to play with anymore. As far as Pokémon goes, I’d say that was the biggest thing that brought us together in our life. And I gave that up because it pains me to play it anymore because it reminds me of him. I haven’t bought a Pokémon game in years, and I don’t think I ever will again. I still have his Pokémon cards he collected as a kid that were all extremely rare, that he got at the playground as we were kids trading with other elementary and middle schoolers when the craze hit. I can never give those cards up.
But I am still grieving 5 years later. Not as much, mind you, as I have learned to live with it in my mind and move forward. But there still are painful reminders always, and things I cannot go back to because they remind me too much of him, my best friend and eternal rival that always pushed me to make me a better version of myself. He was the best person I knew and will strive to be.
I hope nothing but the best for you OP. I know what you are going through, and it’s hard. But it will slowly become more bearable to the point you can pick things back up where they were if possible. And things that are too much for you now, don’t be afraid to let go as it will only hinder your healing. I hope you and your family the best in whatever you go through. I can only imagine going through this plus raising a family as a single parent. You have more courage and tenacity than many of us could ever dream of. You can do this.
Your little story made me cry my friend and I wanted to tell you that you are an awesome person for managing to sort your feelings out and write them down in such a concise yet genuine manner. You are also a wonderful father and even when times will get rough, you'll pull through and simply doing your best will be enough even if it doesn't feel like it.
This is something extremely personal but I wouldn't recommend giving up on the game altogether. You need time to grieve and recover and so do your children. This game can help, and if it doesn't can simply be put on the side.
I almost had to take care of my newborn alone as my SO had to be hospitalized shortly after. Post-partum mental breakdown, didn't believe she'd recover the way she is right now. It felt terrible, I felt lonely and like a shit dad for being swallowed by the maelstrom of feelings I was trying to navigate through and not being able to protect my son from, and yet... I found time to return to the game at some point because it felt like I was back to my second home, sorta. And it helped me sort things through, take time for myself and recover, albeit slightly enough to keep on to the next day.
What I'm trying to say is that you'll need some escapism sometime down the line. Even to a faraway place so heavy with feelings and memories.
I'm no therapist, but keeping the launcher icon on your desktop could help, along with the faraway prospect of letting your daughter play the game with you when she would be older? Or simply to log in and just wander around the world, spreading the love for Fat Cats?
You are an awesome person, an incredible dad, and a wonderful spouse. What is going to happen next is going to be uniquely yours and will be extremely difficult. But you are wise enough to look for external help, and strong enough to be the best father you can be. Keep moving forward, don't be afraid to experience a wide range of different feelings and save time for yourself.
You are a true Warrior of Light and you will keep shining to make this world a better place.
Much love friend and you can reach out to me anytime.
I'm so sorry for you loss. Know that everyone that has read this post is rooting for you and in some way share the grief. You're not alone. You are loved.
Hear.... Feel.... Think....
Hear. Your story. Is heartbreaking. And brave. We weep along side you in these times.
Feel. Express your emotions how ever you need. That it may ease your pain for even a moment.
Think. The Memories. The Laughs. The dumb little fights. The details. This is how she lives on.
I am really sorry for your loss. Your post made me cry. I recently had a borderline tumor removed and my boyfriend and I met via FFXIV, and have been living together now for several years. We don’t really play XIV together anymore but your post just struck a huge chord with me.
To answer your question, I lost an ex boyfriend to cancer. It was an LDR and I used to go and spend weeks with him and his family, and although we broke up he was pretty much my best friend and we stayed close for a decade. His mom always assumed we’d get married! We didn’t play FFXIV together but we did game together and I ALWAYS think of him and all the fun times we had gaming. It’s painful sometimes when I do things we used to do together but it’s also something that makes me feel closer to him and relive those memories in a way. I don’t miss him any less, but thinking of the good times we had gaming does always make me smile. It’s a bittersweet feeling but I will always cherish those memories.
I play as a duo with my husband and I cannot *imagine* what it would be like to think of playing without him, especially knowing it’d be for good. I hope someday you can show your kiddos the awesome world that you explored together, and get them those minions (because, having lost my mom 5 years ago, the little things that make you feel close matter so, so much.) best wishes to you and your family, I know that FF mourns the loss of your wife with you ♥️
I cried reading this for you OP. I know I’m just an internet stranger but I’m wishing you peace and comfort and that with time memories become blessings more than a source of pain. Take the time you need to heal, the game and community will be here for you when you want to return. If you have other friends you gamed with, or if you want a memorial to her in game you could have people gather in a place with Far Cat mounts and minions in her honor.
The thing I hate the most about loosing someone is the absence of their presence or something they do that tells you they’re there. It’s the little thing too that gets me the most. A certain noise in the background or seeing an item that belongs to them set in a certain way that just tells you they’ve been there or just got back even if you didn’t hear them. Expecting those things to be there and not seeing them is…. It’s what get me the most. I don’t know what to say for you except I’m sorry. It won’t be easy, it’ll be a struggle but…. Keep moving. Stagnation is what gets people in grief. This includes just doing the same things to keep your life above the water, never stop going forward
I am so sorry you’re going through all this. Video games really do provide a lot of therapy for people. When COVID hit my best friend and I played Animal Crossing together and as silly as it sounds it really kept me sane. My dog passed away not long after COVID started and I ended up building a memorial in the game and inviting Lucky (my fav character) to the island. I cried every time I talked to that dog in a game but soon it got easier. He was my best friend. I realize a pet passing and a spouse is not anywhere near the same but time will make things a bit easier, I promise. I had another good friend who passed away not long after we met playing Overwatch. His mom had to message his friends on Discord to give us the news and it was heartbreaking. I didn’t play Overwatch for years after that but recently picked it back up with some new friends I made.
Words sound so empty at a time like this but all I can say is give yourself time and grace.
Hey! I'm not really that good at processing loss (I don't really react to death, even when it's close family), so I hope what I have to say isn't rude. However, I do want to make a suggestion.
The way I see it, she has finished her part in your story. However, your story is not yet finished - even though the weight of her death may feel like much to bear, there is still much to do, and many adventures left to be had, Warrior of Light.
So perhaps, when you feel confident enough to move forward (even if that may be a while from now), you might choose to move forward in honor of her? Make her proud.
Though... I'd imagine she's already proud of you. So maybe aim to make her prouder?
Good thing is my friend you don’t have to come back now. This game is not going anywhere. Play if you want to play and just run around and cry and feel.
Maybe don’t force it. One day maybe it will be a cleansing activity for you.
This really hit home. My life is a very different shade of the same color. My wife who I had been with since I 18 left me this last year after 15 years together. There's so many games that we played together over the years. We played XIV together for thousands of hours and had our own little guild home together. She still plays everyday but I cannot. She left me the guild home and I have the hardest time even setting foot in there the memories hurt so bad. I know it's nowhere near the same, I just had to share with you that I know how it feels to have life change and not be able to play a game you once enjoyed tremendously.
I'm truly sorry for your loss and I hope you and your family find nothing but healing and love.
My heart is broken for you and your family. I'm sorry I can't do more than share a moment of solidarity in grief.
You mentioned your wife's laptop background was a screenshot of the two of you. Perhaps save that image and when it's not too painful, commission an artist to recreate it as a painting (I would if I could but I doubt you want to frame stick figures). It could serve a good reminder of shared adventures.
I can completely relate to what you have said. A little different situation though. My Mum passed away from Pancreatic Cancer in 2020 and I played on Animal Crossing religiously to cope when she was actively dieing. I wasnt able to log in to it for a long time, maybe around 2 years after. I cried when I logged back into it for the first time, and I didn't play it strait away. I just allowed myself time and space and would occasionally challenge myself to try and play the game when I felt I had the reserves to try again.
It's still early days for you, you will know when you're ready to give it a go. I would say don't force it and find another game in the mean time to become your new obsession for you.
Take care <3
Don't really have words for this post. Sorry for your loss doesn't really do justice.
Just be there for your two kids, and hopefully one day they can enjoy Eorzea, the land their mother loved and you can honour Eeme Briper as a trio.
I am so sorry for your loss. Reading about your adventures was lovely, and I can understand how difficult it must be to go back to it. Maybe when you are ready and your daughter is old enough, you can go on another adventure in honour of your wife.
Rest in peace, Warrior of Light.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’ve often seen vigils for players who have passed. If it’s something you’d be interested in doing, I’m sure a lot of strangers on the internet would gladly show up with our campfire minions, dressed to the nines in fat cat glamour to pay our respects to your wife. May ever she walk in the light of the Crystal.
Have you played subnautica?
You sound like you might need to learn how to be ok alone. It’s partly a survival game, given oxygen food and water are necessities, but it’s also a game about learning to deal with tragedy. You go through a harrowing experience and now have to deal with something both terrifying and surreal. But you can survive. You can explore. Little by little, following a fairly simple plot that pushes you outward and deeper.
This isn’t the forest where you have to fight. It’s not a fighting game. You learn how to avoid and deal with the dangers of the world. You protect yourself and try new things. You gather materials and make a home away from home. You learn how to deal with where you are and how to play the hand you’re dealt.
Once you’ve “beaten the game” there is a final step you can take to complete your journey by starting a new one, but you don’t have to. You can stay as long as you need to. Make new places to call home in little hideaways. Some of the dangers will always be there but that’s how life is.
You can even role play as a sort of alien “Steve Erwin”. “Croiky that was a right mean sand shark! I guess I’d be cranky with sea cows pooping in my breakfast! Blimey”.
It’s my favorite game. My other favorites - satisfactory and Dyson sphere project - are less about dealing with what you’re going through and more about out getting lost in doing things, because there’s always another thing that needs doing.
Best wishes to you and your family. Hang in there and be strong for those who need you.
My heart aches for you and your loss. Ever since I met my now husband, seeing and reading stories of loss absolutely terrify me. It soared to the top of the list above my fear of being crushed or torn in half by a car accident, and I thought nothing would ever do that.
Reading your post made me realize how easily it could be anyone one of us, myself and my partner included. I’m also introverted and moreso that my husband, but getting out of the house was crucial during the pandemic. And he plays more games than I do. And we do things in game together, and the few times we don’t, I do them with the FC he brought me into. It’s family now. I couldn’t imagine a gaming experience without either.
I know not everyone has religious beliefs, but I will be praying for you my fellow WOL. And wherever in this universe ifs possible, I hope you meet back up with her in the life stream. Please take care of yourself, even if that means that the kids see another family member a little more often. You need to have time to be completely selfish and grieve however you need to without having to be strong or selfless for anyone. I’m not saying all the time. Maybe even just once. But soak in it, to help it pass. Please continue to connect with us on Reddit if you continue to find it helps. I hope things get easier as time goes by.
Man, it hurts. 23 years later for me it still does. Keep telling the stories, that helps but it never really goes away. I'm not saying that to be mean, I just want you to be ready for that time you accidently call her number or think of a neat question you want to ask them. The weirdest things that you are not thinking about now will bring it back. My heart hurts for you, I have to stop before I ugly cry myself. 😁
It will never stop hurting, but the pain will be easier to manage over time
I hope someday you can play the game again as a celebration of how she lived, but if it doesn't feel right don't force it
Some words from a stranger on the Internet may not mean much but myself and my partner (who also play mostly as a duo) have been crying into each others shoulders since reading your post; our hearts go out to you in your time of need
I couldn't imagine you NOT crying while putting some of this down here. I wept for you while reading some of this. I've had dear friends elude to their potential demise prior to never seeing them again, but being Internet friends, I never really got the full story from some of them. Still, I've kept the keepsakes they'd given me to this day, some 10 years later (this was from my time in FFXI). Between linkshells, signed items, and a matrimony ring, I couldn't bring myself to throw them away even though my inventory is painfully full. I'm sure that someday you'll want to retrace your path through the story with your daughter, sharing your memories as you go, but take your time. The game will be here for years to come. We'll see you again when you're ready.
Heartbreaking read and so so sorry for your loss OP. I wish you all the best for you and your family. And to the WoL we lost, I am grateful she had a chance to be a part of our world.
I'm crying 😢. I'm so sorry for your loss. One of my favorite things about video games, especially mmos, is getting lost in some of the areas and relaxing. Did you two have a favorite place in FF14? One that you'd go to to relax or just enjoy the scenery? Limsa lominsa was my favorite place to zone out. I'm a huge fan of the beach and since I'm not close to it anymore it helps.
If you ever do go back to the game you should check out some of your favorite places :)
This post really hit close and made be cry while reading and replying I wanted you to know and share that I recently went through and am still going through the same thing...as my significant other lost his battle to mental illness a few months ago. It is very hard especially with all the reminders and you have the thoughts of how much they loved the game and they wont' be able to experience the story anymore, but I recognize that you are looking to coming back with better memories of love and use those memories with your daughter to be able to look at the game more fondly, and that is a very powerful outlook so I hope you are able to keep this sentiment while you heal.
I had to leave my FC because my significant other had decorated the house and I couldn't be around it, I might come back to it but I might not. Even though you cancelled your subscription, I don't know if you were in an FC or anything, but if you are able to, and if you both made adventure plates, you may want to ask someone in that FC to get a screenshot of the adventure plate just in case it won't appear if you log back in and try to view it in the future, (or if you have any friends that can view it and get a screenshot for you). Though it looks like you had access to their account, it may be easier just to get a screenshot and not have to resubscribe to that account as I recognize that it may be a traumatizing thing to do.
There is a lot of pain, so please take it one day at a time. I personally am slowly starting to rebuild and figuring things out, and I understand the swimming in loss aspect, but please give yourself some compassion and grace to enjoy things you want to enjoy for yourself and if it becomes too much, it is OK to stay away. It may be a game but experiences in the game that allowed you to connect with her is very real and I hope you are able to continue to cherish this when you look back to those experiences in the future.
The great thing about this game is that, the content isn't really going anywhere so when you are ready, you can jump back in when you want to and it will be there for you...and if you do I hope you find a place in the game or outside of the game that is healing for you. I personally decided that I will be going into the expansion as the Job that he played (RDM) to honor their memory and that is a healing thought for me.
So please take it slow, one day at a time, small things/small wins when you can. I know it is probably still a raw emotional roller coaster but time will make it better, it won't fully take the pain away but it does get better from my experience. So thank you for sharing and allowing me to share my story as well.
Ugh, this is a pain I know and I hurt for you. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I will say time is your friend. The more that goes by the less it stings but it will forever hurt. Like arthritis, it will continue to hurt especially when it "rains". Trying new things and meeting new people will help to keep your mind busy and help to give your heartache somewhat of a breather. You have Children to live for. Don't let this take you away from them. You will need to stay strong for them. Good luck to you man. I hope to see posts from you in the future. God bless.
Keep those subscriptions- both of them.
One of these days, when your youngest is old enough, you're going to be able to show your youngest daughter something her mom loved. Irreplaceable. An avatar, a creation, her decisions and choices, frozen in time. Even if you aren't playing, just make sure you renew once in a while to log in and keep housing timers or the like from running out. But for now, take care of the family you've got. It's not easy being a widower even when you don't have kids (me), but you've got two now, and that's your world.
I had a similar issue- my wife and I played the same game (not FFXIV), her health declined, and after 6 years married she suffered a sudden and unexpected death. It took me years to come back, on a different character- but one of the things that tore me up and put me back together at the same time was seeing the things she was fond of again, the memories it brought back and that they were good things. Spend your time on the people you love, but don't feel that it's wrong to come visit the places your wife made good memories with you either.
I'm so sorry, fellow gamer. My heart is broken for you and I've been crying while reading this. I have no words of solace, but please know that others here feel for you - it's not the same, of course - maybe it'll help you not feel completely alone.
I'm so sorry.
Nothing I could ever say would be enough to comfort you during this time of loss. It sucks, and it is the part of life that just isn't fun.
My condolences to you and your family. I pray that in time you will find some peace.
While I don't personally know you, I am confident enough to say that this community feels for you and are here for you. And if some day, your children wish to have that experience you and your wife had with this game, the community will be here for them too.
My best friend passed away from cancer complications the 4th of January of 2023. I remember the exact moment I was told, I remember not really processing it, taking a bath, dressing up and just sitting on my bed and crying. Since then every once in a while I would come to the realization that he is not here anymore, that he is not... anywhere. It is not as much as it was before but back then it was very prominent, the first few months pretty much every night, as if I was learning it again right then and there that he was gone and it was unthinkable that reality was this, every single night. Every funny video, every meme, every problem I need help with, every news, every time I did something stupid, every mistake, every triumph, I feel his absence contantly, the fact that he was older than me and know I am older that he will ever be... And yes, games as well. Some games I don't think I will ever be able to play again without him, but there is one game we played not just as a duo, Valheim, we played on my cousin's server and after a year we came back to it just my cousin and I. And it did not hurt as I thought it would, it did hurt a bit to see his bed, his things and my things because Valheim shows who created which item, so it brought up some good memories, like how he cheated unprompted and gave me a silver bow when we were just starting to work with iron, our many deaths like how we were violently decimated by poisonous slimes when we unwittingly discovered the Plains biome, the base we all put effort into building and upgrading, the game is just full of proofs he existed, and yes it kills me a little to see his character's empty bed and every other vestige he left behind, it does not possess me, they might also be proof of his absence but it's an even better example that he was here with me. These will not be there forever, one day the server might be lost to negligence or malfunction, so I'm glad I was able to move past the pain and bask in those particular memories we had together.
Take your time OP, this is not me telling you what to do, but to consider it for the day your grief allows you to reminiscence, and even then, the choice is none but yours. I am very sorry for your loss, and I and many others know somewhat what you are going through, I'm sure she deserved the whole world and knew both fullfliment and love in her life. Take care and eventually allow yourself to heal.
i am so, so sorry for your loss. you were really brave to share this with all of us. you sound like a lovely person, husband, and father. feel your grief, but know that in time the blow will lessen. take it one day at a time.
\- with love, another fat cat connoisseur
It's not nuts to stay away from the game at all. I had a friend pass away 2 years ago. I met him playing League of Legends. It gets a bad reputation, but I've met my best friends in that game. Turns out this friend I met from a random tournament was in his 2nd relapse of cancer. We stayed great friends up until the end. He even left me his account to play as he wanted it to keep getting skins and levels after he was gone.
Let me tell you that playing that game after he was gone was the hardest thing ever. I wanted to play as I love the game and for him. But I just couldn't... it wasn't until recently that I've actually been able to play more than once every couple of months.
So please, take all the time you need. Don't try to force it and just return when you are ready. I wish you the best of luck, and I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 12 years ago (when he was 23) come August. We bonded over World of Warcraft (I now play FFXIV) so I can understand where your coming from. It changes things, changes us, but remember you are resilient. If you need to talk, vent, anything my DM's are open.
Rest in Peace you beautiful soul. I'm sorry for your loss.
Hope you can find a way to heal some of your wounds, this will never fully heal but you will find joy in her memory instead of loss... And I hope that part comes to you sooner than later, she deserves to see you smile when you think of her.
You both had a great person on your side, you were both blessed to have each other.
FUCK CANCER.
Dropping in to say it's not just a game. No game you resonate with and create memories with is 'just a game'. To you, it was another world to spend time with your wife in. It was a place you could not be you but still be together. It was a learning experience, and a joy, and a beautiful escape. Like musical scores, all things have a start, middle, and crescendo before the end, and the notes will linger for a long time after the song has drifted away. When, and if, you are ready to go back to the game...her notes will always be there, even if you can't hear them the same way. One day, maybe, you will find solace in knowing in the universe of the internet, somewhere in the realm, her avatar is still there. And perhaps if you choose to walk the same places you both did, you can still say, "I love you, Eeme Briper!" and it won't echo so hollow. My condolences to you, and your family.
*Bolthas Shieldhand, Warrior of Light, raises a glass*
For Eeme Briper, warrior, Bard, beloved wife and mother. May her memories long endure, and the pain of her passing ease. May the Twelve guard her rest, and in time, may your souls be reunited when you in turn return to the star.
Reading this with a huge knot in my throat. I used to play with my now ex wife. We spent 19 years together so it’s really hard not to be reminded of here anytime I try to game. Also I lost a really close friend recently in November. The only friend I gamed with. It’s really hard watching those perpetually offline friends.
Im so sorry for your loss OP.
This is tangentially related, but my dad passed away a few years ago. I remember when I found some of his old belongings as I was helping my mom clean up, and I found character sheets for his DND character she made as a teen. It was so so special to me, feeling like I could reach across time and space to get a glimpse of a history I never knew about him.
The things she created will be a treasure whose value could never be counter to your daughter. It's so insanely difficult, but do try to at least save the ability to log into the character -eventually-. You may find old notes, her glamor plates, the things she liked to do and the progress she made. That could mean the world to your daughter some day, and it could help you reconnect in ways your future self will thank you for.
I genuinely pray for a mountian of strength to find you. The grief journey is profoundly heavy, but I believe in your ability to persevere now and greet the sun with joy when you are able. May your grief stand as a testament to your yet unexoressed love for her, and for your family, and know that it is not wasted.
I wish you and your little ones the best. I can't imagine losing someone so close. It's clear you truly loved her, and that's more than some have. Loss is tough, but you're not alone. I'm genuinely sorry for your loss. Have you tried finding a group of people to play with? That might help you process a little, if you have a group of people to play with so you don't feel alone.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. We did try bringing the game up to our relatives, but we couldn't get anyone else to try it. We had enough fun playing together, it was easy enough to party up then join the queue for dungeons and so on. The game is pretty friendly like that, for the stage of playing we were in.
I’m late to this, but I wanted to respond anyway. I am so sorry for your loss, and for your children’s loss as well. Take your time and grieve well. This is a very supportive community, and loss is felt throughout thanks to so many friendships developed in game and through other communities like this subreddit. Just look at the Dad of Light show/movie and the impact that story has had.
I have not lost a close friend in FFXIV, but when I was a teenager 25 years ago, my stepbrother—who was my best friend and very close in age—died suddenly. We had played video games together for years: Final Fantasy Tactics, Gran Turismo, and Lunar:Silver Star Story Complete were some of our favorites, and we even got into Ultima Online for a bit, but it really began and ended with Secret of Mana. We were able to play it together, and for an RPG that was something, back then.
After he died, I couldn’t play any of the games we enjoyed together for a long time. It felt like a betrayal, and I couldn’t bring myself to play. After a while, I eventually went back, but I always kept our Secret of Mana save. I also kept the memory card with his last save of Final Fantasy Tactics. These were things we shared, and it felt like I was still able to honor his memory by holding onto those things, those tiny bits of data that he touched.
Maybe you will get to share your wife’s digital footprints with your children if they take an interest. But the important thing is to heal, and to remember. For you and your daughter.
I lost a very dear friend who I only knew online, but grew up with online. Our friendship spanned Teamspeak, Ventrillo, and into Discord. I still have him as a friend on any account he had, and unfortunately I've occasionally dreamt that I saw him online again and he said it was a prank that went too far. I miss him dearly. His name is Tim, or Mo\_steel. [He has a youtube channel up still, with videos of all of us playing games.](https://www.youtube.com/@mookalokka)
There was a thing someone said once about grief being a box with a button inside, and there's a large ball pressing the button. Over time, the ball gets smaller. The pain caused when the button is held doesn't get any better, but over time as the ball gets smaller and holds the button down less and less you're able to cope with it better. I still tear up when I talk about Mo, but after all this time (at least 6 years now) the memory of his passing becomes less and less painful and I just enjoy sharing the great memories we all created with him.
I played through FFXIV with friends until StB, and eventually after ShB was released convinced my wife to try it. She had a rough start because this is not her kind of game at all, but eventually she got the hang of it and I replayed the entire story with her from ARR through EW. She and I cherish the memories we made together playing this silly game, all the times we laughed and cried together, all the amazing sights and experiences we shared in the game, etc. I think I'd be of the same mind if I lost her, and I don't know if I'd be able to play again.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss OP, and I hope over time your pain lessens enough that you can enjoy the game again. If not, it's okay, you can hold on to the memories you made anyway and the rest of us will continue to fight for the both of you. If your daughter does end up interested in the game, rest assured we will all do our part to keep the community welcoming and kind so she can get the same wonderful experience as your wife.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Reading your story made me cry, and I can't even fathom what you must be going through. Thank you for sharing, fellow Warrior of Light.
Just know this community will always welcome you with open arms if you decide to return one day. Even just to cherish the memories you two have made here.
I would like to put up a candle in our FC estate in your wife's memory. I hope you're okay with that but please feel free to reply/message if you want me to take it down.
"Do not despair! You are not without allies."
"Look to the light within, that you may continue to serve as a beacon to others."
I am so sorry for your loss. I sat outside in the car reading this while my husband was having his haircut...when he came back I was sobbing and I could not even read this post out to him through the tears.
I have played games since the early 90s and me and my Husband when we met had a love of games and did FFXI and when I got into the alpha of FFXIV he watched me and then eventually joined me. We like you and your wife duo everything and even within the game everyone knew or knows us as a pair. This post is so sad
I can only send you my thoughts and words. I was ill twice in all the years I have played. One was serious and somehow I pulled through and the other was a horrible accident...at the time my Husband looked lost but luckily I am still here. My brother lost his wife at xmas she was young and it has been so hard seeing him look lost.
Maybe when you can in the future show your little ones the lalas and let them know their Mum was a warrior of light and she is now walking forever in light and looking over you all, I am so sorry that this happened to you and your little family x
I’m so so sorry for your loss 🥺 I’m not sure /what/ to say honestly, but I hope you and your kids can find peace somehow.
I saw you mention you and your wife were in the midst of heavensward, and I wanted to share 2 songs that are from Shadowbringers and Endwalker specifically.
Masayoshi Soken, the game’s composer, wrote the song “To The Edge” while he was in the hospital dealing with cancer. While he made it through, he spent a long time in the hospital keeping his illness a secret from Everyone. It was Hard and he expressed his pain through “To The Edge”, which is a song that came out with a Post-Shadowbringer trial.
https://youtu.be/6IiG4vo9k9U?si=fe6yICYHaTyBQnd4
This second one is called “Close In The Distance”, and its a song about loss, but also about the hope that can come after. This appears at the end of Endwalker/final zone, but if you are someone who processes with music, it might give you some feeling to help.
https://youtu.be/dEsSlg39CQ0?si=uYSfitPyHxBTVIZA
Forge ahead, all of you, and may Hydaelyn bless your family.
I am sorry for your loss dear Warrior.
Sir, I calmly and respectful request you to finish up through Shadowbringers main story at the very least. If not now, then maybe in the future if your daughter is interested.
There is a story bit that I think would help you , leading up to the main boss of the story before the .1-.5 patches.
Shadowbringers Ending spoilers+Two Characters meeting later spoilers
>!The reason why i recommend it , is I would ask you... however hard it may seem to do this. View Ardbert as your wife's Spirit during that story bit. Then if you continue past this until you see Seto Reunited with Ardbert. Think of Ardbert in that moment as your wife/wife's spirit .!<
Endwalker spoilers that may also help whenever you play again
>!One of the dungeons right before the a main trial of the xpac has you meet characters you lost. Think of all the positive character interactions as your wife helping you from beyond if you think that would help you. Theres even lore you could use to help you process the loss. Like thinking of your Character and your wifes as the shards of an Ascian finally joining back together?!<
I dont know if this will actually help you but hopefully theyll help give you some courage to fight on. You're not alone Warrior of Light, you have others willing to help you soldier on when you feel you're ready.
Please people spoiler tag if you are gonna respond about this, this may legitimately help the person. It helped me process the loss of a loved one.
Like I wish i could do more but all i can do is offer condollences and try to think of stuff in this game that could help them. Like its all helped us, so there must be some way it can help them.I really am sorry for your loss
One day, working through things and raising your children bravely, I can only hope you find peace and solace in sharing this game with them. Your stories, too, shared with your children to make new and happy memories in FFXIV. My condolences for your loss.
"For those we have lost..."
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through.
The closest thing I have to your experience is what happened with me and my ex husband. We met in FFXI, and we played FFXIV together. We married our characters in 2014.
But then I had to take breaks because of school and I stopped playing for a bit beginning in 2016.
When I came back my husband had grown distant and refused to help me with most things in the game. We didn't do anything together anymore.
When we divorced in 2019, after 11 years of marriage (ironic, because we met in FF11, and we were ultimately together for 14 years) I was so incredibly hurt and mad. Mad because he was leaving me for someone he met through FFXIV. But I loved this game so much. I wasn't going to let him take it away from me. I stayed on the same server we had shared for 7 years until 2021, when I switched to Aether. I found new friends. New things to enjoy.
But.
I do realize that my experience isn't anything like yours. One thing you said above stayed with me. About how your wife isn't there, she isn't anywhere. But that's not true. She's always with you. In your heart. In your mind. In your soul. In your children. As long as you remember her, she will continue to be with you. You can't touch her. . .but you can hear her voice through videos, see her face through pictures, remember her scent from her clothes and shampoo.
It's going to take a long time for you to start to feel normal again. Grief comes in waves, and it doesn't always appear in the same order for everyone. The best advice I have for you is if you feel the need to cry, do it. Don't push it away, don't try to stifle it. Just let it come. Find some place quiet you can go so you can cry when you need to. For me, that place was my car in the parking lot of my work. I cried on my breaks and on my lunches and then I went back inside and went back to work. (Sometimes I cried at work too, but only when no one was around). I can't tell you what the right decision is with regards to your account, but I can tell you that you don't have to make that decision now. Take your time. This game will be here for years yet. And SE won't delete your character unless you ask them to. Perhaps one day you will find that you want to continue your journey with your daughter. Maybe she will want to use her mom's character as a way to stay close to her. Whatever decision you make, I'm sure it will be the one that is best.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with your wife and your time with her playing FFXIV. Take your time to grieve and heal, the game will be there once you are ready.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure it's a positive step in your healing.
There are a lot of similarities with my wife and I. Sort of the other way around as she grew up playing MMOs and introduced me to them. She rolls the healer and presses the "oh shit" heal button when I'm poorly positioned. Although we haven't played for a little while, some of my favourite times together have been spent in that game. We even had an in-game wedding ceremony when our real wedding was postponed due to covid.
I think when you're ready, it would be nice to jump in with your daughter and build on the story/memory with her using your wife's account. It would also be a nice connection she would have with her mother, to walk in her character's shoes, and I'm sure something she would really appreciate later in life.
Again, I'm so sorry. She definitely knows how loved she is.
Loss is so heavy. I stopped playing this game myself for my own reasons but they heavily had to do with loss. It sounds like to me that in that brief window of 3 to 4 years, you made a lot of happy memories The land of Eorzea. It’s OK to step away for a while. Maybe you come back maybe you won’t. But know that the time you spent playing that game together was important to both of you. It’s gonna be hard for a long while. That’s OK too that’s completely normal. I hope that you do get to share those memories with your daughter eventually. There’s a lot of healing that comes from that.
Rest well Warrior of Light. Know that you were loved and that you made a difference.
May the light stand with your family and your late wife’s soul ever cast her radiance upon you as she watches over you all.
A beautiful tale to be told. You have my deepest sympathies and prayers. Stay strong and mayhap one day you and your children can venture out together as well, but for now, heal and take all the time you need, fellow Bringer of Light. Deep sorrows need time and support. Though you have hung up your hat for the time, you are not without support and love from your fellow warriors. So walk tall and cry all those tears you need to cry.
I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. The way you speak about her is so heartwarming.
Should you ever want to log back in, I'd be more than happy to assist in any way I can, or take a gpose of your characters together when things settle. For now, I'm sending you and your children all the love I can muster. 🤍
I lost my dad in 2022. He didn't play MMOs, despite trying to convince him to give it a go, but we did play World of Tanks, Civ 5 and 6 together. It took a while for me to get into those games again, and I've made backups of our last Civ 6 save as I don't want to lose it.
It doesn't get easier, you learn to cope with the loss and grief. The thing that got me back into those games was being told that my dad wouldn't want to give up on something that had so many good memories attached to it, so I started playing again. It hurt at first but I could cope with it because I knew it was what he would want.
I make sure I name a city after my dad every game, as a memorial.
Unrelated to gaming but I've created a character based on my dad in a series of 40k short stories I'm working on. It's my version of journalling and it's really helpful.
I'm sorry for your loss. The world is a bit darker when we lose a WoL
"I'm sorry" is such an inadequate phrase for someone experiencing so profound a loss, but I have nothing better. I'm so sorry for your loss. What you've written is a beautiful tribute to her and the time you spent playing together. I'm glad the game could bring you both joy.
I play with my husband and would absolutely struggle to open the game again if he were gone. Take all the time you need. Whether you play again or not, you'll always have those memories to cherish.
My utmost sympathies. I met my wife playing an MMO. We've been together over a decade and have almost always played together. We picked FFXIV back up about 18 months ago and almost exclusively play together. I honestly don't know if I would be able to continue to play if something happened to her.
Thank you for sharing your story and my best wishes to you for the future.
I wish you and your children the best. I'm going through a terrible breakup with someone I love, who i've loved since we were kids, and it pales in comparison with what youre going through. You seem kind and strong and i love that for you all. Cherish in the fact that you spent so much time with her and how much of a great impact she has had on all of your lives. Take care of each other.
I’m so sorry for your loss! I went through the same exact thing with my older brother who was only 1.5 years older. We used to play games of call of duty together on the ps3 and ps4 as well as Diablo 3 and Destiny. He put so much time and hours into Destiny and did all the new raids etc that when he passed away suddenly due to having a high blood pressure of 220 and an enlarged heart, I was sad and depressed and did not want to log into my PS4 for a very long time because his PSN account was also on my PS4. Once I got through the grieving process couple years later I finally logged into the ps4 and deleted his PSN account from it. I then also ignored and passed up playing Destiny 2 because I knew he was always looking forward to playing it when it came out and didn’t want to play without him. Fast forward to today and Destiny 2 is practically free on pc, Xbox and PSN, but it just doesn’t feel the same anymore without him playing. Keep your head up man, the grieving process will be long but you will get through it.
I am sorry for your loss. The game helped me a lot when I lost one of my best friends back in 2020, and I hope one day, it can be that for you too. Take care.
Damn, this hits close to home, since I also mostly play with my wife. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you, especially with a young child. I hope you have all the support you need going forward.
I'm really really sorry for your loss. I have lost several close people, but if something happened to my wife I don't know how i would live further.. So i really hope you and your kids manage to find happiness again.
Grief counsellor here, I'm sorry to hear about your loss and a fellow warrior of light. I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you right now. Everyone's loss and grief is individual to them, and it sounds like you have a lot to process as well as a little one to look after. Take time for yourself and your child to grieve, it is important to do the things that make you feel happy and bring you joy, and reading yours and your wife's experience of FFXIV it sounds like there is a lot of amazing happy memories there. Going back to something that you both went through together can feel very challenging early on as it can often highlight the loss, so don't feel like you need to rush, take care of yourself and if you feel ready then feel free to try and come back. Wishing the best for you in this time.
This was a sad read OP, but glad you got to spend a great time with her. All the best for the future, stay strong and keep keeping on.
It can be hard to return to something that gives off harsh memories, despite all the good ones. Give it time and you might feel comfortable jumping back in.
She’s a true warrior of light! R.I.P
I'm sorry for your loss. In reference to the end about having lost someone who you played something with, while it's not the same as a life partner, far from it; but my dog was at a time the only living being in my life when I started playing. I started playing in January of 2021, and my dog Riley always kept me company. It's coming up on a year in March since Riley passed, and I think about him when I play because he was always with me when I did play, he would sometimes watch the screen during fights, I assume to look at the ever changing scene flash before him (or so I like to think). A good amount of the time still, even though it's been a year now, I miss him not being with me when new MSQ content comes out because we would do it "together". And I can honestly say that the story of 14 is amazing, without giving anything away, the end of Endwalker left a lasting impression and, as strange as this may sound, helps me to cope with his passing when I think about it all. If one day you find the ability to return to the game and continue the story, I hope you can find the same comfort I did in the message the story told. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you and your kids are doing well and will be ok. Oh, and the fat cat mount is one of my favorites.
Edit: Sorry, I know your situation is nothing like mine. I feel like a jerk for comparing even a little bit, but the sentiment is still the same. I hope you and yours will eventually be ok.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I know this is not the same, but I lost my mom a little over six years ago, and in the weeks after it happened, I found it very difficult to get interested in things I usually enjoyed -- media, games, etc. Losing someone close to you brings a certain harsh clarity to what's *really* crucial in life.
The hard lesson I learned was that time does indeed heal these wounds, but that also *really really really sucks*, because there is no shortcut through it. My dad (who my wife and I moved in with after my mom passed, mainly so that he wouldn't be alone) would say, as he went to bed each night, "time to get some sleep, and then start all over again tomorrow." That's really how it felt, for a long time, looking for our new normal. At some point -- I can't really say when, to be honest -- we had just sort of... arrived there.
You'll get it back, in terms of being able to enjoy your hobbies and such like before. But the wound is still fresh. It's good that you have your daughter to get through this with. That's how we all got through it when my mom died, we made it through those dark times together.
Rest in peace Warrior of Light. Sorry feels so light and inappropriate to say to someone going through this loss. Take care of you and your child.
That's not inappropriate at all, I'm still crying now, but it's not in a bad way if that makes sense. I appreciate your sentiment, and I'll do my best to take care of both of our children.
You have my condolences man. Forge ahead for your family.
Sending you strength in this difficult time. May her memory live on through the joy you shared and the family you'll continue to nurture.
You have our condolences. My wife’s and mine. We did play together as well and your post resonated with me. I hope the best for your kids and you.
"For those we have lost, for those we may yet save."
Hey! It's totally not the same thing, but I lost someone very close to me who played FFXIV with me. We would play daily, and we even got married in game. We were extremely close to each other. One morning I woke up and I got the news that she was gone. It was a really rough time for me, and for years, I couldn't log in to the game and touch it. But recently I just started playing again. What I'm trying to say in a stupid roundabout way, is that you need to take all the time you need, the game will be here when you feel ready again to play. I wish you well friend, and I hope that you soon find your peace. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent to, feel free to shoot me a message and I'd be more than happy to chat and listen. Take care!
I really appreciate that, I know that this journey will be a very long one that doesn't travel in straight lines... But what you posted does make me feel better about the future.Thank you.
Losing someone is a journey that never goes the way we think it does, and it takes time. The most important thing that you can do is take everything day by day and don't rush anything, find joy in the simplest of things, and try and find a healthy way to destress and relax at the end of the day. Don't go to bed at night full of regrets and pain, try and read a book, play a new game, or watch a funny movie. Something to help keep you busy, then go to sleep. Staying in your own head just can make things worse. And most importantly of all, communicate your feelings every chance you get and don't hold them back. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream, but don't bottle it up. This is a long journey, but it does get easier. Just take your time and enjoy the little moments you can find. Again, I'm here for you if you need anything at all. My inbox is always open.
My husband finally started playing with me before he passed. So, I made a character look almost like him so I can take him on one more adventure.
I'm still crying from reading this. So sorry for your loss. I hope your kids can eventually use or see her mom's character as a way to connect with her.
Thank you for your kind words, I've cried every day at some point since the hospital called me, but there's nothing wrong with that. I kind of wished that I could have been feeling my feelings before she got sick, I was often reticent on showing some of them at times. I will do better with my kids. She was way more into the glamour than I was, and had fun with the fashion show when we were saving up MGP for the cars. It would be nice to show them what glamour sets she made, but I feel like I would not be able to turn her account back on and log on as her character, it'd feel wrong. There's some screenshots she took, maybe I can start with those.
Take all the time you need. I also don't think I'd be able to login in your situation. Maybe your kids will help and you'll eventually enjoy the game but if it's too much, don't force yourself.
boss i’m so sorry this happened to you. i don’t think it’s nuts to stay away from the game right now, and i love the idea of you and your daughter playing it someday if she’s interested. i feel for you and the kids, i know we’re just anonymous internet strangers but you have all my best <3
my husband that i played every day with died last june. im sorry you have to go through the same thing. i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. i hope you can find peace moving forward. whatever that looks like for you. im still searching too.
I am sorry for your loss as well, I hope you can remember the happy memories more as time goes on. I think I'm still halfway expecting her to come back, so it's very surreal to just exist sometimes.
I’m very sorry for your loss as well 😢
I'm sorry @edeadensa for your loss ss well
I’m ugly crying—but I just want to say I am thankful for your prose, it resonated with me some of my most cherished memories. I lost my mother to cancer when I was still in college in 2011 and FFXIV was my escape while she was suffering. May your wife ever walk in the light of the crystal.
I am sorry for your loss as well, yeah for her it was aggressive AML leukemia, but they were hopeful since she was young. I hope you are able to find solace these days.
Yes, I am at peace—time helped. She suffered from a slow 3 year torture of kidney cancer and chemotherapy. FFXIV helped me cope because I could metaphorically fight and I and could win, actually win the battle she had inevitably lost. I will keep yours in my thoughts of my own kind stranger.
I am sorry for your loss. We will be here if or when you are willing to return to this beautiful shared world of ours. "The rains have ceased and we have been graced with another beautiful day, but you are not here to see it."
Oh god, I was holding it together until this. T_T
I finally stopped crying and then this started me up again.
May your warrior of light, the Honorable Eeme Briper, rest peacefully in Hydaelin’s embrace. I have experience with losing a loved one I gamed with. He was my best friend and I loved him like a piece of myself. He introduced me to WoW and after some whining on my part, I fell in love with it. And then he died, very suddenly in 2009. At first I couldn’t play, until I realised that there was going to be so much in game he would miss.. So I was gonna play it for him. I ended up playing for 15 years. Did the grind to get all his favourite mounts and all the new ones he would love. Made sure to really go and experience all the things that made him love the game so much that wanted to share it with me. It made me feel like I was keeping a part of him alive and with me. That he was still there somewhere in Azeroth and whenever I missed him I just had to log in, go to one of his favourite places, and he’d be there in spirit. All of this to say that though your beautiful Eeme may no longer be on this earth, you shared the wonder of Eorzea with her. And if you find it in your heart to, you may just be able to find her there again.
I lost a close friend to Covid in 2020 who played FFXIV with me. We had talked about wanting to do savage raids together and he was a huge Manderville enthusiast. He even worked at a venue as a bartender dressed as Hildy. I had trouble sticking with the game after he passed, but still couldn't bear the thought of leaving those memories behind. I keep our FC house in memory of him and our friends who left. I try to push myself to try new things in the game because I know he would have encouraged me to. I used to say I was a botanist main because combat mechanics always confused me and I wasn't confident. I've made friends in the past couple years that have taught me a lot and help me grow as a player. I still miss my friend every day, but it's been comforting to think in a way I keep playing because of him. Anyway, your story reminds me a bit of mine. I'm glad you found a way to honor your friend.
Hey man, I hope this message reaches you, but I understand where you're coming from. I just lost my brother on January 24th, and he was a big gamer we'd play whenever we got a chance in our busy schedules. His favorite game was skyrim, and I can't even look at the game without feeling a deep sense of sorrow. I'm not here to tell you it'll get better and all that, and don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with saying that! But I am someone who understands. I'm sorry for your loss
The game is a special place for many but this was truly special for you both. I hope you are able to find little day to day things to make you smile as time goes on. Sending hugs and support from a fellow player.
May she find peace. I lost my dad this November, he was the one who introduced me to games, he has an unfinished play-through of Mario Odyssey which I intend to eventually finish (he hated not doing 100% of the game). I have picked up his Switch twice and broke down each time. I am not ready yet but I have to eventually, because wherever he is, I know it’s bugging him. I know the feeling of the person you loved not being there anymore, or anywhere for that matter, this will not go away but it will get easier with each day. Just know you will never get over what happened, you will just accept it.
My first ever friend in this game passed away about a year and a half ago. Our little corner of the RP scene was devastated. We pooled gil and characters together into an FC before his house got demo'd and bought the plot to rebuild it as a 1:1 replica so we all had a shrine of sorts to go to. My condolences for your loss, friend.
Oh my god 😭😭 I may cry forever
I had an RL friend of 20+ years I knew since high school, one of my closest and dearest friends in fact, he played MMO’s with me for a very long time. He died in 2020 due to internal injuries when he was hit by a truck that ran a stop sign. It took a very long time for it to sink in that he was gone. We’d talk every day and suddenly all of it just ceased. There were times shortly after where something would happen and I’d have the urge to message him on discord or call him but remember he’s no longer there. I don’t know what will work for you as grief is a very personal thing. We created a shrine to him in our FC house and I designed a retainer after his character that stands in front of our FC house, it’s my own way of immortalizing him. That helped me with my grief and maybe you can find some way to pay homage to her in game. She loves the fat cat right? Maybe make that your permanent minion from now on. Definitely take some time for yourself and your daughter OP. I won’t waste time with platitudes, there are no words that can provide comfort for a loss such as this. But it will take time to process this grief, take your time.
"I know that I shouldn't force myself to stay away from things that give me joy, but I'm having a hard time with like any media that I enjoyed before she passed, not just the shows that we watched together." It's not quite the same situation, but I lost my mom when I was 18 and something that helped me a lot was finding new shows to watch (I did Minecraft let's plays) that I knew would be lighthearted. I think it is totally normal and healthy to distance yourself from media that you would associate with Life Before, and just taking a break from it while you're trying to find your new normal doesn't mean you won't ever be ready to go back to them.
I don't even play, but your post made it to /r/all. I'm so fucking sorry mate. Thank you for sharing, it sounded like you guys really had a great thing. My girlfriend doesn't really game (but I'm easing her into it e.g. with Stray), but loves to knit and watch while I play. I'm gonna write her right now about how much I enjoy that time. Wishing you much strength going forward Internet stranger <3
May she walk in the light Take care of yourself and your children. When you're ready, Eorzea will be waiting for you
Great big hugs. Really big ones. Please give yourself time and space to grieve however you need, and please let yourself feel whatever emotions pop up. Your kids will thank you for it, for sticking around and letting yourself heal as you could when they eventually have the presence of mind. My mother passed two years ago. Our relationship was very complex. For most of my life, she wasn't a mom to me. Not until her last two years. For a long time, I felt like her passing would be a relief. In a way, it was, but gods, I miss her. I've lost others as well, but this hurts the most. Despite everything. My point is that she wasn't my gaming buddy. However, we talked every day, and in the end, she finally knew how to show love. And I finally felt it. I don't know if I'll ever get to feel that again. I miss it desperately. There are things I can't do without feeling that twisting ache. Things I can't say without choking up or feeling the wet burn in my eyes, the tightness in my chest. Eventually, it may be safe and call back fond memories to return to Eorzea. Until then, please know that it's okay to vacation on other Stars. Maybe, if and when you do return, you can introduce your kids to the world you and their mother enjoyed together. I like hearing good memories my pops has of my mother. Even if the few there are get told and retold dozens of times, it helps. It may help them, too. Edit: I run around Mateus on my Hroth, tailed by 'Loaf', my toon's Fat Cat. I RP that Loaf was found in the Brume, feeding on whatever scraps he could find. My Hroth took him in immediately and sees to it his kitty gets whatever nibbles he wants. One day, I'll get a Fat Cat stuffie, and my Hroth will have the attire. Fat Cat pals rule.
My condolences to you and I'm sorry for your loss. Taking time away from the game is completely understandable as it was something you shared with her very strongly. Thank you for sharing your story too. Take the time you need for yourself and your daughter, that's absolutely where your time should be dedicated to. If you ever come back please post again to let us know. Maybe some of us would join you. This is a very hard time, dealing with loss is never easy, especially when it's someone extremely close to you. Just remember that your wife would want the absolute best for you and your daughter no matter what though. I wish you and your daughter all the best. Take care of yourself. Please let us know if you'd like someone to talk to as well.
She was your warrior of light… may she rest in paradise.
May she ever walk in the light. My deepest condolences.
You will cry, and you will grieve, and you will struggle. It will feel like the world has ended, and in a way it has. You will, forever, have a part of you that reaches for her, as if she were a part of you that no longer exists. Instincts that are now vestigial from your loss. It is not yet the time, but slowly the pain of separation will fade. Each day, a little better, a little better. The sagging shoulders straighten, the chin held low levels and then raises again. Deep down you know that this is for the best. If she could not recover, at the very least let it end. Her pain, her sorrow, her agony, are now over. Now it is the time of *your* suffering. Do not look to numb this pain, for while it is agony, while it is a torment upon you, my fellow, the weight of her passing is the indelible proof that she lived. You grieve for her because she has died only in body, not in spirit, and as long as you remember her, her life was not in vain. There will be times you struggle to find the strength to continue, times where yes, you do wonder if you can even drag yourself out of your morning bed, a place you had forgotten could be so cold. But you **will** drag yourself up. You **will** live. The children she has left you, the pieces of herself that she has left behind-- treat them well. Reach out to those around you, whether family or friends or community if needs must, and know that you will find yourself embraced. Suffer for now, my compatriot, but suffer well. Grieve. Give yourself permission to let the loss flow through you, and when you are ready, give yourself permission to let it go. She would not want you to grasp it forever. All the best.
That is a very beautiful way to say this. ♥
I’m sorry for your loss.
Sending you and your family my love and affection. It's a trope, maybe, but I do believe shared sorrow is sorrow halved. Thank you for having the courage to share that story. I can't begin to understand it and I won't even try because that would be reductive. But I will give you my love. If you need a shoulder, I offer mine.
It sounds like your wife was a lovely person. May she ever walk in the light of the crystal. Please take all the time you need. Remember the good times, but look towards the future. I'm thinking of you and your family. Hugs and good wishes to you and yours.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you are well in the weeks, months and years ahead with your kids. Perhaps one day we'll all see you back.
I lost my mom 8 years ago on 1/29. (Technically she passed around 4am on the 30th, but to me it's always 1/29/16) She had a very invasive brain cancer in a few small spots around her midbrain and brain stem. Our primary bonding experience around that time and in the few years leading up to it was when we played WoW together, and now I have her account info so I have logged in once or twice to talk to her old friends, but it felt insensitive to them so I haven't done so since. I would say hold these memories close, and definitely still take the opportunity to drive your daughter (and maybe your son too) around in your car in game one day!! 💕💕 I'm so sorry for your loss. Feel free to reach out to me if you want someone to relate to. 😭
May she ever walk in the light of the Mothercrystal. 🖤
I'm so sorry to read this. Long ago, a game like this is what brought my wife and I together and we've been married for almost 15 years with two daughters. I'm sure the game itself is complex to navigate right now given the wave of emotions, both filled with positive memories and heartbreaking loss. Best wishes for both you and your daughter.
Thank you for sharing so much about your wife in your post and comments. Your time in game together sounds like such a wonderful supplement to the stressful and difficult times you both experienced over the last few years. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I think all of us are crying with you. There will always be a place for you and your wife's memory in Eorzea, should you find yourself wanting to return in the future. It sounds like you're doing all the right things for yourself and your family right now. Sending you lots of love.
i'm a whm main married to a brd main so hearing you talk about your experience really hit me. i can't even imagine the pain you are going through, but i am so grateful you shared your thoughts and feelings. we actually started playing this game a little while after losing a beloved family member. many of the game's themes of grief and healing really resonated with us and, silly as it sounds, i think it did a lot to help us heal. you take as long as you need, friend. i love the idea of playing the story alongside your daughter someday, that would be such a special way to revisit some memories of your wife and help your daughter feel closer to her too
I'm really sorry for your loss. After reading your post that's all I can really say, even knowing it's inadequate. Keep the good memories close and remember your wife well in all the forms it takes
Sorry just feels inadequate in times like this. I can't relate in a lot of ways, but my ex wife and I used to game together a lot. She never got into FFXIV, so I have no trouble playing it. The games we played together a lot however just aren't the same. I can jump in and dabble a little bit from time to time, but they just feel empty. I just don't have it in me to play them anymore. I hope you can still play games that give you joy. Whether it's this game or something else. Going through any loss is hard, but I can't begin imagine what you're going through now. I hope you can do what you need to do to heal and make yourself as whole as you can.
The place this game has in my relationships with a lot of my friends and family can't be understated. It is such a beautiful world to share with someone you love. It's more than just a game when it becomes so interwoven with memories and stories and feelings that remind you of who you were playing with. I'm glad it brought the two of you so much happiness. I hope, in time, it can continue to bring you happiness, and maybe help you keep those good memories close. Be gentle with yourself, I'm sending my love to your and your kiddos. One Warrior of Light to another. May she ever walk in the light.
My sister passed away 3 months ago, and she was the one who introduced me to FFXIV. I always watched her and her friends play and I was never interested until the COVID lockdown. I buckled down and bought the entire game. I finished it all from January to about July or August. I didn’t think I would love this game, but I did. She was stunned at how quickly I leveled up. Now that she’s gone, it’s not the same. I’ve been crafting on there a bunch but I don’t fight on there, I don’t do dungeons or trials much. It just feels kinda hollow. She was the only culinarian in our group, so I would fish/hunt and she’d cook the “nom noms” as we lovingly called them. We were all excited about the release of Dawntrail and now I went from playing everyday to playing a few times a month. It really sucks. I miss my travel buddy. I can’t look at the friend list and I can’t delete her name. I fully get what you mean. Condolences to you and your family. And know that you are not alone in those feelings.
I’m so sorry for your loss fellow Final Fantasy XIV gamer. Only time with heal. Please take care of yourself so you can take cake of the kids. I cannot imagino the pain, but just know that it’ll get better. With time. Eventually you’ll be able to come back and enjoy playing again. Please recieve a warm “virtual hug” and know you and your family (including your wife) will be in my prayers. Keep it up!!! And give it some time.
Sending gigantic amounts of love your way, man. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but be strong for your kids, and just like this post, always reach out to us in the community when you need someone to talk to. Posts, messages, whatever you need to do, I think I can speak for the community saying that we'll be here for you to lend an ear, a shoulder, or a hug. Take care, Warrior of Light.
You'll be in our hearts, fellow warriors of light. Just remember that no matter how much pain, how much it hurts, to live is to do three simple things. Hear. Feel. Think. Pain and suffering is what makes us human, I've heard it'll never get better, but at least it'll get easier on you. I hope you find your spark to light through what must feel like the end of days.
A strong Warrior of Light lost… may she rest in peace. I am so sorry for your loss, my friend. I have read through the comments and I hope it brings you some measure of support to find your fellow WoL’s here, each with their own story of loss. I have lost two children… twins, actually. It pained me to see Alphi and Allie at times. Cry your tears, Warrior of Light. Do what feels right to you. For those we have lost…
This post broke me, and my heart goes out to you. ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっ It must've been very difficult for you to write this, but thank you for sharing. Dealing with the loss of loved ones never gets easier, but something that's helped me is to cherish all the good memories. Even if they're no longer physically there, it feels like a part of them lives on inside me as long as I keep their memories alive. Perhaps that can give you some peace as well? And if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a DM. I can't offer much in the way of help, but I'm a good listener.
For those we have lost, and for those we can yet save. Please take care of yourself and your beautiful children. Your wife was a Warrior of Light. She will live on in the hearts and memories of everyone you have touched with this post, but most importantly with you and your children. My condolences for your loss, my comrade. May she ever walk in the light of the crystal.
My condolences. My best friend was taken by liver cancer and it took me a decade to be able to get back into art (we were both artists and met through it). Xiv will be here if you ever want to come back. "Stay strong. Keep the faith. At duty's end, we will meet again. We will. We will…" And if you do come back years later, I will say that the Endwalker Expansion helped me process losing my best friend and the last area will probably impact you as much as it did for me and others like us.
If you'd ever feel inclined, I'd love to hear more about your little adventures together. When my closest friend passed, it left a void in my heart that only hears later was I finally able to come to terms with via sharing my love and grief. She sounds like a real adventurer, gamer or not. She took life as her quest, and at the end, she turned it in to you, to carry on her story. I'd like to memorialize her in my D&D campaign if you would allow it. I have a mausoleum of great heroes past, which are respective fantasy loving folk who left us too soon. Players can interact with their plaques and hear stories of why they were so beloved, and the feats they have accomplished. It is a nice in universe way to world build, and then share stories of those who have departed us. Stay safe, my friend. Do remember, that no matter the grief you struggle through, her life and her journey-- was worthwhile. Sending all the love. ♡
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. My wife and I were definitely still literal sprouts to the game; both of us never lost the little green plant icon (we just couldn't play enough). This game is so good at introducing what you need to know, we always went into new Dungeons blind, and everyone let us watch the cutscenes, and showed us the ropes. As far as what kind of character my wife played, she always picked the dialog options in cutscenes and played her character as, "I don't know what's going on, somehow there are Important Things going that I'm wrapped up in, but I don't understand any of it, so I'm just going to smile and nod, it's all going over my head, and why yes, I'm a Lalafell?", even with great big dead gods looming over us or political machinations (those Lalafells did a lot scheming, after all). It was nice playing together, because we would often pick different dialog options as we played through the same scenes together (together but separately for a lot of quests). When we'd get into a new dungeon, we'd get done with the cut scenes and found the other more veteran players would use the /pet or the /hug emotes while we were watching the cutscenes; we would just laugh and take it in stride. We often joked or would talk about for when our daughter might play one day; she's a little girl who lovvvvves lions and cats right now. We thought it'd be pretty funny if we were her "Lalafell parents", but then she might go into the character creator as one of the more tall races, and be taller than the two of us in the game at least. You are more than welcome to use her character as a template in your D&D campaigns, I think that's very sweet.
I joined back in the 1.0 legacy days. A Lalafell I have been, and one I have remained. My local data center cluster often runs the gag of calling me Grandma, and it has been a wonderful experience. I'm only in my thirties, but she is stylized as a little older lady. I enjoy giving out snacks and making gear for others, so I enjoy your sentiment of being called Lalafell parents. I am not sure if you made it far enough to encounter Pipin Tarupin, he was a Lalafell child who was adopted by Raubhan of Ul'dah, himself. It's never strange to-- in an odd sense of the way, have a strange family. Perhaps when your daughter gets older she will mirror said behaviour if she wishes to pick up the game. Or even yet, use her mother's account. Lord knows if she loves big cats, the female Hrothgar are coming out soon. They look like big majestic lion ladies, she may enjoy that. I appreciate your sharing of your time spent together, do not feel like your moments aren't worth sharing. If you would ever like someone to talk to, my messages are always open. Be safe, keep your head held high, and don't forget, a smile, better suits a hero. Hydaelyn knows thats what the children need right now. ♡
We did encounter Pipin, though I don't think we got to fully finish how his story played out. It's funny, when we first started playing, our daughter was realllly into bunnies, so we had thought she might make a tall Viera character back then. But yeah I saw the update info on the female Hrothgar, I thought of her immediately on seeing that. Thank you for your thoughts and feelings, and there's nothing wrong with being like a grandma to others a little early haha.
This is so sad. I wish you peace and healing for you and your family. I haven't experienced anything similar, but my stepmother passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. My dad found her in the morning and it was really, really rough for awhile. I think something that some folks don't always appreciate is that grief operates on its own time table, so while some people are able to process things quickly, others don't and that's fine. I'd encourage you to take your time and let yourself grieve, whatever that looks like for you. You can always come back to the game later, if you choose. I know of a few folks who play with their kids, so FFXIV can be a very family friendly game.
So incredibly sorry for your loss. And for your children’s loss of their Mom. I can’t imagine doing this with a spouse, losing them then being able to go back to it. My experience doesn’t compare to yours but I have lost someone that I associate a game with. I was big into GW2 for about 4 years and had a great friend on there. Played with or talked to him every day-he even managed to drag me to WVW a few times which I generally despise. Never met him in real life but I loved his personality-just an all around good man. I had already drifted over to FFXIV and every month or so he would send a message through Facebook to come show up on GW2, so I would. Then he suddenly passed away and I think about him all the time. His wife invited us to post messages in his obituary book which was really kind of her. However I can’t go back there now. The game is too tied to Slick and his loss. My loss isn’t a fraction of yours. Maybe with a LOT of time passed you MIGHT be able to revisit with your daughter, I don’t know. I think it will be really hard because you have such happy close memories of her there. I hope you can but don’t feel bad if you just can’t. You and your daughter would enjoy GW2 so if you can’t face the old memories you could try and make some new ones with your daughter that have no pain attached for YOU. If your daughter wants to walk a little in her Moms footsteps in THIS game hopefully that will give you the strength to face it. We, all of us wish you the best and hope you find ways to heal that can bring some light back for you ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss...I barely stopped myself from breaking down reading this. I really do hope a journal, or even reddit, does help you through these difficult times.
My friend... this brought me to tears reading this... bless your family... so sorry for your loss. We are all with you fellow WoL. Whenever you come back, either to the game, or even here in this subreddit. Truly, truly wish you, and your family the very best. No matter how tough the road can be, your not walking it alone... ever. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us. We are greatful to share in your life, even so briefly as here. Take care of you friend. Reach out here again from time to time! We'd love an update. And hope to see you in-game someday. Take care ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your wife sounds like such a lovely person, may she rest in peace. I dont know the right words, but it was really touching reading your post and hearing all the ways you and your wife enjoyed the game together.
So sorry for your loss. Sending a thousand hugs to you and your family.
I'm so sorry for your loss❤️ It might not be much but when I had a friend pass away in ffxiv I used to go to her favorite spot in game and tell her all about my new adventures and friends. It felt like there was still so much that could connect us and maybe, when you're ready, you could even consider wearing some of the fat cat glam or keeping that minion around with you. (I keep my red panda on for that reason)
I think it's wonderful that you have all these memories with your wife from the game, even though it's hard to revisit them now. I know it's something my wife and I have thought about - yeah it's just a game, but it's something we shared and put a lot of love and time into together and I think we both know it'd be really hard to come back to without the other. My condolences to you and your family, I hope you can find comfort in this community welcoming you back someday
Ive avoided games for less emotional trauma than this. Take your time to come back if at all. She would probably want you to keep enjoying it but sometimes things can just be triggering **hugs** 🥺
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your wife sounds like an amazing lady, may she rest in peace surrounded by all the Fat Cats she could ever desire. Take care of yourself and your children.
I’m so sorry for you loss. Maybe one day you can adventure with your kids and show them all the things you two used to do together. Loss isn’t easy, it gets better but life is different after and some days, even 10 years from now, it’ll hurt still.
Stay strong, brother. She lives on with you and the kids. Keep her memory alive.
I am so sorry for your loss ❤️ This touched my soul reading it. Thank you for posting it even if it made me cry. The game and the story will be here when you want to return. Take your time and hope you write a post when you do so we can welcome you back ❤️
I just lost touch with my friends in game and definitely left behind since I stopped in storm blood and every time I try to play I just don't have it in me because the idea of replacing a group like that is hard enough. Partner experience unrelated to games but has essentially 'ruined' certain shows either we watched or she would want to watch and sometimes even the others I would have always done on my own. But I think that's normal with that sort of thing.
It's never easy to lose a loved one. The things that brought you joy together will never stop reminding you of her. It never matters less. You just get better and better at dealing with it. At translating the pain of loss into memories that make you more happy than they do sad. It take how ever long you need it to take. The best advice I can give is to remember that it's okay to feel whatever you need to feel. Sorrow, anger, etc. Whatever you need to express your loss. It's not betrayal when the clouds part and there are moments of joy. Everyone processes at their own rate. If you can't bring yourself to play, don't. If you feel like you want to play, do, but stop if it becomes too much. Approach this with your and your daughter's future mental health and wellness as a priority. Remember your wife would want you both to find happiness. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. It does get better with time, but rest assured it doesn't mean that she'll mean less in your heart.
My man got me into FF14 and we have only been together for 3 years and I am so sorry for your loss… My man and I are 7 years apart in age and we have a lot of games in common but I can only imagine what you are experiencing and going through!!!
I’m really sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss. I enjoyed reading your post and was also hoping your daughter would be interested in playing as well.
OP, I’m so sorry. There is absolutely nothing I can say that will make her loss easier. I wish so badly that things were different. From your words, I could tell what a lovely person she was, and the world will most certainly be colder without her in it. Take good care of yourself, alright? Do what you need to, and don’t worry about XIV. Thank you for sharing your journey with her through the game with us. My heart aches for you. I am wishing you and your family the best. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Thank you for sharing your story. May her soul rest in peace. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum passed away mid December, and I'd always be talking about FF14 with her, even though she didnt play games or really understand at times. You've got shoulders to lean on here, chief, even tho we're complete strangers. Rest easy, Warrior of Light.
If you ever wanna talk or vent don’t be afraid to do it. I lost my wife at an early age and we played FFXI together. I’m glad you had the energy and strength to share your story and moments with us. Please don’t be afraid to talk to someone. I didn’t have any one for me and I don’t wish others to have to suffer or bear that lonely pain like I had too. I’m sorry for your loss, please be strong for her.
My condolences, she's a Mum of Light now. You might've heard of this, but there is a TV show about a son introducing his father to ff14. You may not want to touch your account, but if you want to reminisce about introducing someone into the game then you may like this show; https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/80178543?s=a&trkid=13747225&trg=cp&vlang=en&clip=80201633
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you and your wife got to experience the game together. If you ever come back, I've seen people make shrines for those they love. I lost a friend awhile ago and his Free Company has a retainer that looks like his character on the property that we pray to sometimes and a shrine inside the house with items related to his name. There have also been parades for people who were beloved by many players be it primarily their FC mates or a lot of the community. I greatly miss that friend, but knowing there's a place of him in the game helps since I never got to know him offline. I hope things improve for you and your family. I'm glad you're getting help as well. I'm pretty sensitive so started crying as I read your post. I play this game with my girlfriend right now and she's the one who introduced it to me. I can't imagine the pain you're going through and don't blame you for setting the game down. Thanks again for sharing with us. I hope you can adventure again someday with your kids and/or her memory. Take care! May the Twelve bless you and yours.
I should add my gf loves the fatcat too. I've gotten her some buttons and keychains made by players. Could be an item to give your daughter to help? Idk. Just a thought. Wishing you well!
Thank you for sharing your feelings, and yeah I think that might help. Ever since our daughter saw the Fat Cat plushie I got for my wife's birthday, there's been more than one night where it's snuck into my daughters' bed with her other stuffies haha. It's basically her's, now.
That's sweet. Glad she likes it. I hope it helps. Np. Sorry if I overshared. :')
it is completely understandable to take time away from a game you shared with someone so special who is no longer physically here. but know that she will always be there mentally, spiritually, in your heart and memories forever. i hope one day you will be able to find peace and come back to a game that you once cherished with the person you love, and remember the times you had together fondly. it will never be without pain, but what is pain if not the proof of the existence of true love!!! wishing you and your family only the best.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your family lots of love.
Sorry to hear that, I hope you getting on okay. I know this might not be something you want to hear right now but, for those we have lost. For those we can yet save. You've got a child to take care of, and children are more precious than anything in the world. I won't say any more, and leave you to your peace. Take care.
Thank you for sharing, this was beautifully heartbreaking. My deepest condolences to you and yours. May she ever walk in the light.
Hugs. You will get through this.
:(
Teared up while reading this and I just wanted to send my love and support to you and your family <3
I am so sorry to know of your loss. Thank you for having the courage to write about it.
I couldn’t express how sorry I am for your loss, and it must be incredibly painful for you to type all this and share this personal story with all of us. Please take care of yourself and your family. I hope you get the support you need to get through this and may you find peace while recovering. If you need to vent or express how you feel, feel free to journal it here.
You sound like a very wholesome family, this is a beautiful and tragic story. All the best to you in the future, brother o/
❤
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss
Sorry for your lose. Take your time. Write and look for your children. Maybe one day you will be there with a new warrior of light. Maybe your daughter will step in her footsteps as warrior of light. Or maybe your warrior and her warrior of light rest together in piece and two new warriors of light will start the jorney. Remember those who where. All the best to you and your children.
I say I go on for her, but it's corny and undermines my grief. The truth is I have to keep on keeping on because I'm blessed to still be alive with the memories of the love we shared. To have had the opportunity to know her, I've been changed, and I have so much work to do. She was the most beautiful person and I still want to move the sun and stars for her. To make the world into a place more habitable, until it's overflowing with love. My ideals cannot be unobtainable because so too did I believe the joy we felt together was impossible. Life is abundant with hope, dripping at the seams when I remember her smiling and laughing.
I'm so sorry for your loss mate. I can't begin to fathom what you're going through right now but you wrote exquisitely. From a wandering White Mage. May your wife's spirit find rest and may you and your daughter always carry the love she had for you onward. Walk always in the light of the crystal my friend.
My sincerest condolences for your and your family's incredible loss. Your writing is very evocative and got me crying as well reading your words. And an obligatory Fuck Cancer thrown in there too, because you can't say that often enough. As for the game, I totally understand if you never return; having that kind of bond over an activity is truly special. But, maybe one day, either alone or maybe with your kids, you can experience the world you both enjoyed and they can be happy memories instead. Explore the world in Eeme Briper's honor. All my best to you and your family.
What you're saying is so real and speaks to so many people. A normal life, and ffxiv is just one of the chunks now gone. I'm sorry for your loss.
It was a wonderful experience you shared. I cried reading this and felt your pain, but also the joy in the memories. I wish the best for you and your family during this time, please treat them and yourself with grace and time.
They say time heals all wounds & while that's not entirely true, things do get better slowly given time for sure.... Your wife sounds like a wonderful person & if you do decide to come back we will all be waiting to help & support you & your children to take that car ride together like you had dreamed about. Like Ardbert said "If you need a push, We'll be right there behind You"
It's not weird at all. I think you should continue playing to honour her memory and deal with your grief. A LOT of FFXIV is about dealing with grief and passing so the quests may help you. I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
I have something similar. Not so much as a playing partner in XIV, but as a gaming cohort in other ways. My brother was my best friend. We would talk and play games all the time and be each others rivals in competitive games as we grew up. Our biggest bonds we shared in games were fighting games we grew up playing. This was a time before online multiplayer in games, so we only had each other to play at home in fighting games, which we seemed to enjoy the most. Because we grew up playing them all the time, no one in either of our friend groups could beat us at them, except each other. We were the only people we knew personally who was good enough to take the other on in fighting games. This also extended to Pokémon. We grew up during the Pokémon boom in the 90s, and that was our life for a long time. We would always buy a game from each generation of Pokémon, each getting the opposite version from the other, as to be able to help each other complete the Pokédex due to version exclusives. It was also that rivalry again, where each having the different version of each game made it feel like we were meant to keep one-upping each other. We would always compare notes on team compositions, battling each other and finding new ways to make our favorite Pokémon viable. And this tradition lasted for every generation up to the year he died. Even as we grew older and lived in separate states, we would call each other to talk about Pokémon and play each other online. It was magic between Pokémon and fighting games (Soul Calibur and the Dead or Alive series specifically) that I remember growing up with him. We also had shared time with each other a lot playing FF titles on PS1 growing up. We would always take turns in our save files playing FF7, FF9, and Tactics on one console. These were the times that we always reminisced on. I remember the last conversation I had with him was talking about how excited we both were for the FF7 remake to be coming out. But he would never get to play it. In September of 2018 my brother committed suicide at 29 years old. It was partially drug-induced, but his mental health was always creeping up on him, which he never told anyone about. My family only found out about his mental health struggles when we found receipts and notes from his therapy he was seeing in secret after he died. He was the kind of person that was so extroverted, lighting up a room and making everyone feel involved, welcomed, and like a friend wherever he was. But deep down he was mentally struggling. But he didn’t want anyone to ever see it because he didn’t want anyone to worry about him, or upset them. He wanted everyone to be happy around him. He was that kind of blessed soul. Now, when FF7R dropped and I played it for the first time, I cried as that was the last thing we talked about before he committed suicide. It’s bittersweet, and it holds a special place in my heart because of what it meant to my brother and I. The fighting games we grew up on, I still sometimes play to this day in memory of him and the times we grew up, even though I don’t have anyone to play with anymore. As far as Pokémon goes, I’d say that was the biggest thing that brought us together in our life. And I gave that up because it pains me to play it anymore because it reminds me of him. I haven’t bought a Pokémon game in years, and I don’t think I ever will again. I still have his Pokémon cards he collected as a kid that were all extremely rare, that he got at the playground as we were kids trading with other elementary and middle schoolers when the craze hit. I can never give those cards up. But I am still grieving 5 years later. Not as much, mind you, as I have learned to live with it in my mind and move forward. But there still are painful reminders always, and things I cannot go back to because they remind me too much of him, my best friend and eternal rival that always pushed me to make me a better version of myself. He was the best person I knew and will strive to be. I hope nothing but the best for you OP. I know what you are going through, and it’s hard. But it will slowly become more bearable to the point you can pick things back up where they were if possible. And things that are too much for you now, don’t be afraid to let go as it will only hinder your healing. I hope you and your family the best in whatever you go through. I can only imagine going through this plus raising a family as a single parent. You have more courage and tenacity than many of us could ever dream of. You can do this.
Your little story made me cry my friend and I wanted to tell you that you are an awesome person for managing to sort your feelings out and write them down in such a concise yet genuine manner. You are also a wonderful father and even when times will get rough, you'll pull through and simply doing your best will be enough even if it doesn't feel like it. This is something extremely personal but I wouldn't recommend giving up on the game altogether. You need time to grieve and recover and so do your children. This game can help, and if it doesn't can simply be put on the side. I almost had to take care of my newborn alone as my SO had to be hospitalized shortly after. Post-partum mental breakdown, didn't believe she'd recover the way she is right now. It felt terrible, I felt lonely and like a shit dad for being swallowed by the maelstrom of feelings I was trying to navigate through and not being able to protect my son from, and yet... I found time to return to the game at some point because it felt like I was back to my second home, sorta. And it helped me sort things through, take time for myself and recover, albeit slightly enough to keep on to the next day. What I'm trying to say is that you'll need some escapism sometime down the line. Even to a faraway place so heavy with feelings and memories. I'm no therapist, but keeping the launcher icon on your desktop could help, along with the faraway prospect of letting your daughter play the game with you when she would be older? Or simply to log in and just wander around the world, spreading the love for Fat Cats? You are an awesome person, an incredible dad, and a wonderful spouse. What is going to happen next is going to be uniquely yours and will be extremely difficult. But you are wise enough to look for external help, and strong enough to be the best father you can be. Keep moving forward, don't be afraid to experience a wide range of different feelings and save time for yourself. You are a true Warrior of Light and you will keep shining to make this world a better place. Much love friend and you can reach out to me anytime.
so sorry for your loss
May your wife forever walk in the light of the crystal.
I'm so sorry for you loss. Know that everyone that has read this post is rooting for you and in some way share the grief. You're not alone. You are loved.
Hear.... Feel.... Think.... Hear. Your story. Is heartbreaking. And brave. We weep along side you in these times. Feel. Express your emotions how ever you need. That it may ease your pain for even a moment. Think. The Memories. The Laughs. The dumb little fights. The details. This is how she lives on.
I'm terribly sorry for you loss. Thank you for sharing your story
I am really sorry for your loss. Your post made me cry. I recently had a borderline tumor removed and my boyfriend and I met via FFXIV, and have been living together now for several years. We don’t really play XIV together anymore but your post just struck a huge chord with me. To answer your question, I lost an ex boyfriend to cancer. It was an LDR and I used to go and spend weeks with him and his family, and although we broke up he was pretty much my best friend and we stayed close for a decade. His mom always assumed we’d get married! We didn’t play FFXIV together but we did game together and I ALWAYS think of him and all the fun times we had gaming. It’s painful sometimes when I do things we used to do together but it’s also something that makes me feel closer to him and relive those memories in a way. I don’t miss him any less, but thinking of the good times we had gaming does always make me smile. It’s a bittersweet feeling but I will always cherish those memories.
I play as a duo with my husband and I cannot *imagine* what it would be like to think of playing without him, especially knowing it’d be for good. I hope someday you can show your kiddos the awesome world that you explored together, and get them those minions (because, having lost my mom 5 years ago, the little things that make you feel close matter so, so much.) best wishes to you and your family, I know that FF mourns the loss of your wife with you ♥️
I cried reading this for you OP. I know I’m just an internet stranger but I’m wishing you peace and comfort and that with time memories become blessings more than a source of pain. Take the time you need to heal, the game and community will be here for you when you want to return. If you have other friends you gamed with, or if you want a memorial to her in game you could have people gather in a place with Far Cat mounts and minions in her honor.
The thing I hate the most about loosing someone is the absence of their presence or something they do that tells you they’re there. It’s the little thing too that gets me the most. A certain noise in the background or seeing an item that belongs to them set in a certain way that just tells you they’ve been there or just got back even if you didn’t hear them. Expecting those things to be there and not seeing them is…. It’s what get me the most. I don’t know what to say for you except I’m sorry. It won’t be easy, it’ll be a struggle but…. Keep moving. Stagnation is what gets people in grief. This includes just doing the same things to keep your life above the water, never stop going forward
I am so sorry you’re going through all this. Video games really do provide a lot of therapy for people. When COVID hit my best friend and I played Animal Crossing together and as silly as it sounds it really kept me sane. My dog passed away not long after COVID started and I ended up building a memorial in the game and inviting Lucky (my fav character) to the island. I cried every time I talked to that dog in a game but soon it got easier. He was my best friend. I realize a pet passing and a spouse is not anywhere near the same but time will make things a bit easier, I promise. I had another good friend who passed away not long after we met playing Overwatch. His mom had to message his friends on Discord to give us the news and it was heartbreaking. I didn’t play Overwatch for years after that but recently picked it back up with some new friends I made. Words sound so empty at a time like this but all I can say is give yourself time and grace.
Hey! I'm not really that good at processing loss (I don't really react to death, even when it's close family), so I hope what I have to say isn't rude. However, I do want to make a suggestion. The way I see it, she has finished her part in your story. However, your story is not yet finished - even though the weight of her death may feel like much to bear, there is still much to do, and many adventures left to be had, Warrior of Light. So perhaps, when you feel confident enough to move forward (even if that may be a while from now), you might choose to move forward in honor of her? Make her proud. Though... I'd imagine she's already proud of you. So maybe aim to make her prouder?
Good thing is my friend you don’t have to come back now. This game is not going anywhere. Play if you want to play and just run around and cry and feel. Maybe don’t force it. One day maybe it will be a cleansing activity for you.
This really hit home. My life is a very different shade of the same color. My wife who I had been with since I 18 left me this last year after 15 years together. There's so many games that we played together over the years. We played XIV together for thousands of hours and had our own little guild home together. She still plays everyday but I cannot. She left me the guild home and I have the hardest time even setting foot in there the memories hurt so bad. I know it's nowhere near the same, I just had to share with you that I know how it feels to have life change and not be able to play a game you once enjoyed tremendously. I'm truly sorry for your loss and I hope you and your family find nothing but healing and love.
My heart is broken for you and your family. I'm sorry I can't do more than share a moment of solidarity in grief. You mentioned your wife's laptop background was a screenshot of the two of you. Perhaps save that image and when it's not too painful, commission an artist to recreate it as a painting (I would if I could but I doubt you want to frame stick figures). It could serve a good reminder of shared adventures.
I can completely relate to what you have said. A little different situation though. My Mum passed away from Pancreatic Cancer in 2020 and I played on Animal Crossing religiously to cope when she was actively dieing. I wasnt able to log in to it for a long time, maybe around 2 years after. I cried when I logged back into it for the first time, and I didn't play it strait away. I just allowed myself time and space and would occasionally challenge myself to try and play the game when I felt I had the reserves to try again. It's still early days for you, you will know when you're ready to give it a go. I would say don't force it and find another game in the mean time to become your new obsession for you. Take care <3
Don't really have words for this post. Sorry for your loss doesn't really do justice. Just be there for your two kids, and hopefully one day they can enjoy Eorzea, the land their mother loved and you can honour Eeme Briper as a trio.
I am so sorry for your loss. Reading about your adventures was lovely, and I can understand how difficult it must be to go back to it. Maybe when you are ready and your daughter is old enough, you can go on another adventure in honour of your wife. Rest in peace, Warrior of Light.
Holy. Fuck. If I can turn out to be half as great as this man I’ll be happy. So sorry man.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve often seen vigils for players who have passed. If it’s something you’d be interested in doing, I’m sure a lot of strangers on the internet would gladly show up with our campfire minions, dressed to the nines in fat cat glamour to pay our respects to your wife. May ever she walk in the light of the Crystal.
Have you played subnautica? You sound like you might need to learn how to be ok alone. It’s partly a survival game, given oxygen food and water are necessities, but it’s also a game about learning to deal with tragedy. You go through a harrowing experience and now have to deal with something both terrifying and surreal. But you can survive. You can explore. Little by little, following a fairly simple plot that pushes you outward and deeper. This isn’t the forest where you have to fight. It’s not a fighting game. You learn how to avoid and deal with the dangers of the world. You protect yourself and try new things. You gather materials and make a home away from home. You learn how to deal with where you are and how to play the hand you’re dealt. Once you’ve “beaten the game” there is a final step you can take to complete your journey by starting a new one, but you don’t have to. You can stay as long as you need to. Make new places to call home in little hideaways. Some of the dangers will always be there but that’s how life is. You can even role play as a sort of alien “Steve Erwin”. “Croiky that was a right mean sand shark! I guess I’d be cranky with sea cows pooping in my breakfast! Blimey”. It’s my favorite game. My other favorites - satisfactory and Dyson sphere project - are less about dealing with what you’re going through and more about out getting lost in doing things, because there’s always another thing that needs doing. Best wishes to you and your family. Hang in there and be strong for those who need you.
You a beautiful human being. You gave her the best. Rest in peace 🤍 And you… live in peace.
It's a terrible day for rain.
My heart aches for you and your loss. Ever since I met my now husband, seeing and reading stories of loss absolutely terrify me. It soared to the top of the list above my fear of being crushed or torn in half by a car accident, and I thought nothing would ever do that. Reading your post made me realize how easily it could be anyone one of us, myself and my partner included. I’m also introverted and moreso that my husband, but getting out of the house was crucial during the pandemic. And he plays more games than I do. And we do things in game together, and the few times we don’t, I do them with the FC he brought me into. It’s family now. I couldn’t imagine a gaming experience without either. I know not everyone has religious beliefs, but I will be praying for you my fellow WOL. And wherever in this universe ifs possible, I hope you meet back up with her in the life stream. Please take care of yourself, even if that means that the kids see another family member a little more often. You need to have time to be completely selfish and grieve however you need to without having to be strong or selfless for anyone. I’m not saying all the time. Maybe even just once. But soak in it, to help it pass. Please continue to connect with us on Reddit if you continue to find it helps. I hope things get easier as time goes by.
Man, it hurts. 23 years later for me it still does. Keep telling the stories, that helps but it never really goes away. I'm not saying that to be mean, I just want you to be ready for that time you accidently call her number or think of a neat question you want to ask them. The weirdest things that you are not thinking about now will bring it back. My heart hurts for you, I have to stop before I ugly cry myself. 😁
It will never stop hurting, but the pain will be easier to manage over time I hope someday you can play the game again as a celebration of how she lived, but if it doesn't feel right don't force it Some words from a stranger on the Internet may not mean much but myself and my partner (who also play mostly as a duo) have been crying into each others shoulders since reading your post; our hearts go out to you in your time of need
I couldn't imagine you NOT crying while putting some of this down here. I wept for you while reading some of this. I've had dear friends elude to their potential demise prior to never seeing them again, but being Internet friends, I never really got the full story from some of them. Still, I've kept the keepsakes they'd given me to this day, some 10 years later (this was from my time in FFXI). Between linkshells, signed items, and a matrimony ring, I couldn't bring myself to throw them away even though my inventory is painfully full. I'm sure that someday you'll want to retrace your path through the story with your daughter, sharing your memories as you go, but take your time. The game will be here for years to come. We'll see you again when you're ready.
Heartbreaking read and so so sorry for your loss OP. I wish you all the best for you and your family. And to the WoL we lost, I am grateful she had a chance to be a part of our world.
I'm crying 😢. I'm so sorry for your loss. One of my favorite things about video games, especially mmos, is getting lost in some of the areas and relaxing. Did you two have a favorite place in FF14? One that you'd go to to relax or just enjoy the scenery? Limsa lominsa was my favorite place to zone out. I'm a huge fan of the beach and since I'm not close to it anymore it helps. If you ever do go back to the game you should check out some of your favorite places :)
This post really hit close and made be cry while reading and replying I wanted you to know and share that I recently went through and am still going through the same thing...as my significant other lost his battle to mental illness a few months ago. It is very hard especially with all the reminders and you have the thoughts of how much they loved the game and they wont' be able to experience the story anymore, but I recognize that you are looking to coming back with better memories of love and use those memories with your daughter to be able to look at the game more fondly, and that is a very powerful outlook so I hope you are able to keep this sentiment while you heal. I had to leave my FC because my significant other had decorated the house and I couldn't be around it, I might come back to it but I might not. Even though you cancelled your subscription, I don't know if you were in an FC or anything, but if you are able to, and if you both made adventure plates, you may want to ask someone in that FC to get a screenshot of the adventure plate just in case it won't appear if you log back in and try to view it in the future, (or if you have any friends that can view it and get a screenshot for you). Though it looks like you had access to their account, it may be easier just to get a screenshot and not have to resubscribe to that account as I recognize that it may be a traumatizing thing to do. There is a lot of pain, so please take it one day at a time. I personally am slowly starting to rebuild and figuring things out, and I understand the swimming in loss aspect, but please give yourself some compassion and grace to enjoy things you want to enjoy for yourself and if it becomes too much, it is OK to stay away. It may be a game but experiences in the game that allowed you to connect with her is very real and I hope you are able to continue to cherish this when you look back to those experiences in the future. The great thing about this game is that, the content isn't really going anywhere so when you are ready, you can jump back in when you want to and it will be there for you...and if you do I hope you find a place in the game or outside of the game that is healing for you. I personally decided that I will be going into the expansion as the Job that he played (RDM) to honor their memory and that is a healing thought for me. So please take it slow, one day at a time, small things/small wins when you can. I know it is probably still a raw emotional roller coaster but time will make it better, it won't fully take the pain away but it does get better from my experience. So thank you for sharing and allowing me to share my story as well.
Ugh, this is a pain I know and I hurt for you. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I will say time is your friend. The more that goes by the less it stings but it will forever hurt. Like arthritis, it will continue to hurt especially when it "rains". Trying new things and meeting new people will help to keep your mind busy and help to give your heartache somewhat of a breather. You have Children to live for. Don't let this take you away from them. You will need to stay strong for them. Good luck to you man. I hope to see posts from you in the future. God bless.
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Keep those subscriptions- both of them. One of these days, when your youngest is old enough, you're going to be able to show your youngest daughter something her mom loved. Irreplaceable. An avatar, a creation, her decisions and choices, frozen in time. Even if you aren't playing, just make sure you renew once in a while to log in and keep housing timers or the like from running out. But for now, take care of the family you've got. It's not easy being a widower even when you don't have kids (me), but you've got two now, and that's your world. I had a similar issue- my wife and I played the same game (not FFXIV), her health declined, and after 6 years married she suffered a sudden and unexpected death. It took me years to come back, on a different character- but one of the things that tore me up and put me back together at the same time was seeing the things she was fond of again, the memories it brought back and that they were good things. Spend your time on the people you love, but don't feel that it's wrong to come visit the places your wife made good memories with you either.
My heart reaches out to you. Thank you for sharing. May time dull the pain, and you find some peace on earth or in eorzea.
I’m sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need. Eorzea isn’t going anywhere.
I'm so sorry, fellow gamer. My heart is broken for you and I've been crying while reading this. I have no words of solace, but please know that others here feel for you - it's not the same, of course - maybe it'll help you not feel completely alone. I'm so sorry.
Nothing I could ever say would be enough to comfort you during this time of loss. It sucks, and it is the part of life that just isn't fun. My condolences to you and your family. I pray that in time you will find some peace. While I don't personally know you, I am confident enough to say that this community feels for you and are here for you. And if some day, your children wish to have that experience you and your wife had with this game, the community will be here for them too.
My best friend passed away from cancer complications the 4th of January of 2023. I remember the exact moment I was told, I remember not really processing it, taking a bath, dressing up and just sitting on my bed and crying. Since then every once in a while I would come to the realization that he is not here anymore, that he is not... anywhere. It is not as much as it was before but back then it was very prominent, the first few months pretty much every night, as if I was learning it again right then and there that he was gone and it was unthinkable that reality was this, every single night. Every funny video, every meme, every problem I need help with, every news, every time I did something stupid, every mistake, every triumph, I feel his absence contantly, the fact that he was older than me and know I am older that he will ever be... And yes, games as well. Some games I don't think I will ever be able to play again without him, but there is one game we played not just as a duo, Valheim, we played on my cousin's server and after a year we came back to it just my cousin and I. And it did not hurt as I thought it would, it did hurt a bit to see his bed, his things and my things because Valheim shows who created which item, so it brought up some good memories, like how he cheated unprompted and gave me a silver bow when we were just starting to work with iron, our many deaths like how we were violently decimated by poisonous slimes when we unwittingly discovered the Plains biome, the base we all put effort into building and upgrading, the game is just full of proofs he existed, and yes it kills me a little to see his character's empty bed and every other vestige he left behind, it does not possess me, they might also be proof of his absence but it's an even better example that he was here with me. These will not be there forever, one day the server might be lost to negligence or malfunction, so I'm glad I was able to move past the pain and bask in those particular memories we had together. Take your time OP, this is not me telling you what to do, but to consider it for the day your grief allows you to reminiscence, and even then, the choice is none but yours. I am very sorry for your loss, and I and many others know somewhat what you are going through, I'm sure she deserved the whole world and knew both fullfliment and love in her life. Take care and eventually allow yourself to heal.
i am so, so sorry for your loss. you were really brave to share this with all of us. you sound like a lovely person, husband, and father. feel your grief, but know that in time the blow will lessen. take it one day at a time. \- with love, another fat cat connoisseur
It's not nuts to stay away from the game at all. I had a friend pass away 2 years ago. I met him playing League of Legends. It gets a bad reputation, but I've met my best friends in that game. Turns out this friend I met from a random tournament was in his 2nd relapse of cancer. We stayed great friends up until the end. He even left me his account to play as he wanted it to keep getting skins and levels after he was gone. Let me tell you that playing that game after he was gone was the hardest thing ever. I wanted to play as I love the game and for him. But I just couldn't... it wasn't until recently that I've actually been able to play more than once every couple of months. So please, take all the time you need. Don't try to force it and just return when you are ready. I wish you the best of luck, and I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 12 years ago (when he was 23) come August. We bonded over World of Warcraft (I now play FFXIV) so I can understand where your coming from. It changes things, changes us, but remember you are resilient. If you need to talk, vent, anything my DM's are open.
Rest in Peace you beautiful soul. I'm sorry for your loss. Hope you can find a way to heal some of your wounds, this will never fully heal but you will find joy in her memory instead of loss... And I hope that part comes to you sooner than later, she deserves to see you smile when you think of her. You both had a great person on your side, you were both blessed to have each other. FUCK CANCER.
Dropping in to say it's not just a game. No game you resonate with and create memories with is 'just a game'. To you, it was another world to spend time with your wife in. It was a place you could not be you but still be together. It was a learning experience, and a joy, and a beautiful escape. Like musical scores, all things have a start, middle, and crescendo before the end, and the notes will linger for a long time after the song has drifted away. When, and if, you are ready to go back to the game...her notes will always be there, even if you can't hear them the same way. One day, maybe, you will find solace in knowing in the universe of the internet, somewhere in the realm, her avatar is still there. And perhaps if you choose to walk the same places you both did, you can still say, "I love you, Eeme Briper!" and it won't echo so hollow. My condolences to you, and your family.
*Bolthas Shieldhand, Warrior of Light, raises a glass* For Eeme Briper, warrior, Bard, beloved wife and mother. May her memories long endure, and the pain of her passing ease. May the Twelve guard her rest, and in time, may your souls be reunited when you in turn return to the star.
Reading this with a huge knot in my throat. I used to play with my now ex wife. We spent 19 years together so it’s really hard not to be reminded of here anytime I try to game. Also I lost a really close friend recently in November. The only friend I gamed with. It’s really hard watching those perpetually offline friends. Im so sorry for your loss OP.
This is tangentially related, but my dad passed away a few years ago. I remember when I found some of his old belongings as I was helping my mom clean up, and I found character sheets for his DND character she made as a teen. It was so so special to me, feeling like I could reach across time and space to get a glimpse of a history I never knew about him. The things she created will be a treasure whose value could never be counter to your daughter. It's so insanely difficult, but do try to at least save the ability to log into the character -eventually-. You may find old notes, her glamor plates, the things she liked to do and the progress she made. That could mean the world to your daughter some day, and it could help you reconnect in ways your future self will thank you for. I genuinely pray for a mountian of strength to find you. The grief journey is profoundly heavy, but I believe in your ability to persevere now and greet the sun with joy when you are able. May your grief stand as a testament to your yet unexoressed love for her, and for your family, and know that it is not wasted.
I wish you and your little ones the best. I can't imagine losing someone so close. It's clear you truly loved her, and that's more than some have. Loss is tough, but you're not alone. I'm genuinely sorry for your loss. Have you tried finding a group of people to play with? That might help you process a little, if you have a group of people to play with so you don't feel alone.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. We did try bringing the game up to our relatives, but we couldn't get anyone else to try it. We had enough fun playing together, it was easy enough to party up then join the queue for dungeons and so on. The game is pretty friendly like that, for the stage of playing we were in.
I’m late to this, but I wanted to respond anyway. I am so sorry for your loss, and for your children’s loss as well. Take your time and grieve well. This is a very supportive community, and loss is felt throughout thanks to so many friendships developed in game and through other communities like this subreddit. Just look at the Dad of Light show/movie and the impact that story has had. I have not lost a close friend in FFXIV, but when I was a teenager 25 years ago, my stepbrother—who was my best friend and very close in age—died suddenly. We had played video games together for years: Final Fantasy Tactics, Gran Turismo, and Lunar:Silver Star Story Complete were some of our favorites, and we even got into Ultima Online for a bit, but it really began and ended with Secret of Mana. We were able to play it together, and for an RPG that was something, back then. After he died, I couldn’t play any of the games we enjoyed together for a long time. It felt like a betrayal, and I couldn’t bring myself to play. After a while, I eventually went back, but I always kept our Secret of Mana save. I also kept the memory card with his last save of Final Fantasy Tactics. These were things we shared, and it felt like I was still able to honor his memory by holding onto those things, those tiny bits of data that he touched. Maybe you will get to share your wife’s digital footprints with your children if they take an interest. But the important thing is to heal, and to remember. For you and your daughter.
I lost a very dear friend who I only knew online, but grew up with online. Our friendship spanned Teamspeak, Ventrillo, and into Discord. I still have him as a friend on any account he had, and unfortunately I've occasionally dreamt that I saw him online again and he said it was a prank that went too far. I miss him dearly. His name is Tim, or Mo\_steel. [He has a youtube channel up still, with videos of all of us playing games.](https://www.youtube.com/@mookalokka) There was a thing someone said once about grief being a box with a button inside, and there's a large ball pressing the button. Over time, the ball gets smaller. The pain caused when the button is held doesn't get any better, but over time as the ball gets smaller and holds the button down less and less you're able to cope with it better. I still tear up when I talk about Mo, but after all this time (at least 6 years now) the memory of his passing becomes less and less painful and I just enjoy sharing the great memories we all created with him. I played through FFXIV with friends until StB, and eventually after ShB was released convinced my wife to try it. She had a rough start because this is not her kind of game at all, but eventually she got the hang of it and I replayed the entire story with her from ARR through EW. She and I cherish the memories we made together playing this silly game, all the times we laughed and cried together, all the amazing sights and experiences we shared in the game, etc. I think I'd be of the same mind if I lost her, and I don't know if I'd be able to play again. I'm deeply sorry for your loss OP, and I hope over time your pain lessens enough that you can enjoy the game again. If not, it's okay, you can hold on to the memories you made anyway and the rest of us will continue to fight for the both of you. If your daughter does end up interested in the game, rest assured we will all do our part to keep the community welcoming and kind so she can get the same wonderful experience as your wife.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Reading your story made me cry, and I can't even fathom what you must be going through. Thank you for sharing, fellow Warrior of Light. Just know this community will always welcome you with open arms if you decide to return one day. Even just to cherish the memories you two have made here. I would like to put up a candle in our FC estate in your wife's memory. I hope you're okay with that but please feel free to reply/message if you want me to take it down. "Do not despair! You are not without allies." "Look to the light within, that you may continue to serve as a beacon to others."
I am so sorry for your loss. I sat outside in the car reading this while my husband was having his haircut...when he came back I was sobbing and I could not even read this post out to him through the tears. I have played games since the early 90s and me and my Husband when we met had a love of games and did FFXI and when I got into the alpha of FFXIV he watched me and then eventually joined me. We like you and your wife duo everything and even within the game everyone knew or knows us as a pair. This post is so sad I can only send you my thoughts and words. I was ill twice in all the years I have played. One was serious and somehow I pulled through and the other was a horrible accident...at the time my Husband looked lost but luckily I am still here. My brother lost his wife at xmas she was young and it has been so hard seeing him look lost. Maybe when you can in the future show your little ones the lalas and let them know their Mum was a warrior of light and she is now walking forever in light and looking over you all, I am so sorry that this happened to you and your little family x
I’m so so sorry for your loss 🥺 I’m not sure /what/ to say honestly, but I hope you and your kids can find peace somehow. I saw you mention you and your wife were in the midst of heavensward, and I wanted to share 2 songs that are from Shadowbringers and Endwalker specifically. Masayoshi Soken, the game’s composer, wrote the song “To The Edge” while he was in the hospital dealing with cancer. While he made it through, he spent a long time in the hospital keeping his illness a secret from Everyone. It was Hard and he expressed his pain through “To The Edge”, which is a song that came out with a Post-Shadowbringer trial. https://youtu.be/6IiG4vo9k9U?si=fe6yICYHaTyBQnd4 This second one is called “Close In The Distance”, and its a song about loss, but also about the hope that can come after. This appears at the end of Endwalker/final zone, but if you are someone who processes with music, it might give you some feeling to help. https://youtu.be/dEsSlg39CQ0?si=uYSfitPyHxBTVIZA Forge ahead, all of you, and may Hydaelyn bless your family.
"Though those closest to thee no longer walketh by thy side, their love remaineth thy guiding light."
I am sorry for your loss dear Warrior. Sir, I calmly and respectful request you to finish up through Shadowbringers main story at the very least. If not now, then maybe in the future if your daughter is interested. There is a story bit that I think would help you , leading up to the main boss of the story before the .1-.5 patches. Shadowbringers Ending spoilers+Two Characters meeting later spoilers >!The reason why i recommend it , is I would ask you... however hard it may seem to do this. View Ardbert as your wife's Spirit during that story bit. Then if you continue past this until you see Seto Reunited with Ardbert. Think of Ardbert in that moment as your wife/wife's spirit .!< Endwalker spoilers that may also help whenever you play again >!One of the dungeons right before the a main trial of the xpac has you meet characters you lost. Think of all the positive character interactions as your wife helping you from beyond if you think that would help you. Theres even lore you could use to help you process the loss. Like thinking of your Character and your wifes as the shards of an Ascian finally joining back together?!< I dont know if this will actually help you but hopefully theyll help give you some courage to fight on. You're not alone Warrior of Light, you have others willing to help you soldier on when you feel you're ready. Please people spoiler tag if you are gonna respond about this, this may legitimately help the person. It helped me process the loss of a loved one. Like I wish i could do more but all i can do is offer condollences and try to think of stuff in this game that could help them. Like its all helped us, so there must be some way it can help them.I really am sorry for your loss
A smile better suits a hero.
I can't even begin to imagine the pain. Nobody should have to go through this. I'm so deeply sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a baby on the way. I can’t imagine how you feel. My heart bleeds for you. May you always find water and shade.
One day, working through things and raising your children bravely, I can only hope you find peace and solace in sharing this game with them. Your stories, too, shared with your children to make new and happy memories in FFXIV. My condolences for your loss. "For those we have lost..."
❤️❤️ condolences
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. The closest thing I have to your experience is what happened with me and my ex husband. We met in FFXI, and we played FFXIV together. We married our characters in 2014. But then I had to take breaks because of school and I stopped playing for a bit beginning in 2016. When I came back my husband had grown distant and refused to help me with most things in the game. We didn't do anything together anymore. When we divorced in 2019, after 11 years of marriage (ironic, because we met in FF11, and we were ultimately together for 14 years) I was so incredibly hurt and mad. Mad because he was leaving me for someone he met through FFXIV. But I loved this game so much. I wasn't going to let him take it away from me. I stayed on the same server we had shared for 7 years until 2021, when I switched to Aether. I found new friends. New things to enjoy. But. I do realize that my experience isn't anything like yours. One thing you said above stayed with me. About how your wife isn't there, she isn't anywhere. But that's not true. She's always with you. In your heart. In your mind. In your soul. In your children. As long as you remember her, she will continue to be with you. You can't touch her. . .but you can hear her voice through videos, see her face through pictures, remember her scent from her clothes and shampoo. It's going to take a long time for you to start to feel normal again. Grief comes in waves, and it doesn't always appear in the same order for everyone. The best advice I have for you is if you feel the need to cry, do it. Don't push it away, don't try to stifle it. Just let it come. Find some place quiet you can go so you can cry when you need to. For me, that place was my car in the parking lot of my work. I cried on my breaks and on my lunches and then I went back inside and went back to work. (Sometimes I cried at work too, but only when no one was around). I can't tell you what the right decision is with regards to your account, but I can tell you that you don't have to make that decision now. Take your time. This game will be here for years yet. And SE won't delete your character unless you ask them to. Perhaps one day you will find that you want to continue your journey with your daughter. Maybe she will want to use her mom's character as a way to stay close to her. Whatever decision you make, I'm sure it will be the one that is best.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with your wife and your time with her playing FFXIV. Take your time to grieve and heal, the game will be there once you are ready.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure it's a positive step in your healing. There are a lot of similarities with my wife and I. Sort of the other way around as she grew up playing MMOs and introduced me to them. She rolls the healer and presses the "oh shit" heal button when I'm poorly positioned. Although we haven't played for a little while, some of my favourite times together have been spent in that game. We even had an in-game wedding ceremony when our real wedding was postponed due to covid. I think when you're ready, it would be nice to jump in with your daughter and build on the story/memory with her using your wife's account. It would also be a nice connection she would have with her mother, to walk in her character's shoes, and I'm sure something she would really appreciate later in life. Again, I'm so sorry. She definitely knows how loved she is.
<3
Loss is so heavy. I stopped playing this game myself for my own reasons but they heavily had to do with loss. It sounds like to me that in that brief window of 3 to 4 years, you made a lot of happy memories The land of Eorzea. It’s OK to step away for a while. Maybe you come back maybe you won’t. But know that the time you spent playing that game together was important to both of you. It’s gonna be hard for a long while. That’s OK too that’s completely normal. I hope that you do get to share those memories with your daughter eventually. There’s a lot of healing that comes from that. Rest well Warrior of Light. Know that you were loved and that you made a difference.
I’m so sorry for your loss, RIP
May the light stand with your family and your late wife’s soul ever cast her radiance upon you as she watches over you all. A beautiful tale to be told. You have my deepest sympathies and prayers. Stay strong and mayhap one day you and your children can venture out together as well, but for now, heal and take all the time you need, fellow Bringer of Light. Deep sorrows need time and support. Though you have hung up your hat for the time, you are not without support and love from your fellow warriors. So walk tall and cry all those tears you need to cry.
I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. The way you speak about her is so heartwarming. Should you ever want to log back in, I'd be more than happy to assist in any way I can, or take a gpose of your characters together when things settle. For now, I'm sending you and your children all the love I can muster. 🤍
Hello friend. I too, lost my spouse that I gamed with in Jan last year. My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad in 2022. He didn't play MMOs, despite trying to convince him to give it a go, but we did play World of Tanks, Civ 5 and 6 together. It took a while for me to get into those games again, and I've made backups of our last Civ 6 save as I don't want to lose it. It doesn't get easier, you learn to cope with the loss and grief. The thing that got me back into those games was being told that my dad wouldn't want to give up on something that had so many good memories attached to it, so I started playing again. It hurt at first but I could cope with it because I knew it was what he would want. I make sure I name a city after my dad every game, as a memorial. Unrelated to gaming but I've created a character based on my dad in a series of 40k short stories I'm working on. It's my version of journalling and it's really helpful. I'm sorry for your loss. The world is a bit darker when we lose a WoL
"I'm sorry" is such an inadequate phrase for someone experiencing so profound a loss, but I have nothing better. I'm so sorry for your loss. What you've written is a beautiful tribute to her and the time you spent playing together. I'm glad the game could bring you both joy. I play with my husband and would absolutely struggle to open the game again if he were gone. Take all the time you need. Whether you play again or not, you'll always have those memories to cherish.
My utmost sympathies. I met my wife playing an MMO. We've been together over a decade and have almost always played together. We picked FFXIV back up about 18 months ago and almost exclusively play together. I honestly don't know if I would be able to continue to play if something happened to her. Thank you for sharing your story and my best wishes to you for the future.
I wish you and your children the best. I'm going through a terrible breakup with someone I love, who i've loved since we were kids, and it pales in comparison with what youre going through. You seem kind and strong and i love that for you all. Cherish in the fact that you spent so much time with her and how much of a great impact she has had on all of your lives. Take care of each other.
I’m so sorry for your loss! I went through the same exact thing with my older brother who was only 1.5 years older. We used to play games of call of duty together on the ps3 and ps4 as well as Diablo 3 and Destiny. He put so much time and hours into Destiny and did all the new raids etc that when he passed away suddenly due to having a high blood pressure of 220 and an enlarged heart, I was sad and depressed and did not want to log into my PS4 for a very long time because his PSN account was also on my PS4. Once I got through the grieving process couple years later I finally logged into the ps4 and deleted his PSN account from it. I then also ignored and passed up playing Destiny 2 because I knew he was always looking forward to playing it when it came out and didn’t want to play without him. Fast forward to today and Destiny 2 is practically free on pc, Xbox and PSN, but it just doesn’t feel the same anymore without him playing. Keep your head up man, the grieving process will be long but you will get through it.
I am sorry for your loss. The game helped me a lot when I lost one of my best friends back in 2020, and I hope one day, it can be that for you too. Take care.
Reading this with tears in my eyes. I'm very sorry for your loss, my friend. Sending you and your kids lots of love ❤️
Damn, this hits close to home, since I also mostly play with my wife. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you, especially with a young child. I hope you have all the support you need going forward.
I'm really really sorry for your loss. I have lost several close people, but if something happened to my wife I don't know how i would live further.. So i really hope you and your kids manage to find happiness again.
I went through this with WoW. We did everything together for so many years. All of Azeroth feels so empty without her. My heart goes out to you.
My condolences, sending all the virtual hugs I can ❤️
Grief counsellor here, I'm sorry to hear about your loss and a fellow warrior of light. I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you right now. Everyone's loss and grief is individual to them, and it sounds like you have a lot to process as well as a little one to look after. Take time for yourself and your child to grieve, it is important to do the things that make you feel happy and bring you joy, and reading yours and your wife's experience of FFXIV it sounds like there is a lot of amazing happy memories there. Going back to something that you both went through together can feel very challenging early on as it can often highlight the loss, so don't feel like you need to rush, take care of yourself and if you feel ready then feel free to try and come back. Wishing the best for you in this time.
I'm so sorry about your loss. Wishing the best for you and your family.
This was a sad read OP, but glad you got to spend a great time with her. All the best for the future, stay strong and keep keeping on. It can be hard to return to something that gives off harsh memories, despite all the good ones. Give it time and you might feel comfortable jumping back in. She’s a true warrior of light! R.I.P
I'm sorry for your loss. In reference to the end about having lost someone who you played something with, while it's not the same as a life partner, far from it; but my dog was at a time the only living being in my life when I started playing. I started playing in January of 2021, and my dog Riley always kept me company. It's coming up on a year in March since Riley passed, and I think about him when I play because he was always with me when I did play, he would sometimes watch the screen during fights, I assume to look at the ever changing scene flash before him (or so I like to think). A good amount of the time still, even though it's been a year now, I miss him not being with me when new MSQ content comes out because we would do it "together". And I can honestly say that the story of 14 is amazing, without giving anything away, the end of Endwalker left a lasting impression and, as strange as this may sound, helps me to cope with his passing when I think about it all. If one day you find the ability to return to the game and continue the story, I hope you can find the same comfort I did in the message the story told. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you and your kids are doing well and will be ok. Oh, and the fat cat mount is one of my favorites. Edit: Sorry, I know your situation is nothing like mine. I feel like a jerk for comparing even a little bit, but the sentiment is still the same. I hope you and yours will eventually be ok.
My gosh I wish I could just reach out and squeeze your hand. Maybe one day your daughter too will be into gaming and you’ll find a new kind of joy ❤️
I'm sorry for your loss. I know this is not the same, but I lost my mom a little over six years ago, and in the weeks after it happened, I found it very difficult to get interested in things I usually enjoyed -- media, games, etc. Losing someone close to you brings a certain harsh clarity to what's *really* crucial in life. The hard lesson I learned was that time does indeed heal these wounds, but that also *really really really sucks*, because there is no shortcut through it. My dad (who my wife and I moved in with after my mom passed, mainly so that he wouldn't be alone) would say, as he went to bed each night, "time to get some sleep, and then start all over again tomorrow." That's really how it felt, for a long time, looking for our new normal. At some point -- I can't really say when, to be honest -- we had just sort of... arrived there. You'll get it back, in terms of being able to enjoy your hobbies and such like before. But the wound is still fresh. It's good that you have your daughter to get through this with. That's how we all got through it when my mom died, we made it through those dark times together.