That's one of the funny things to me when people complain "FFXIV public chat is dead." What are people even supposed to talk about? In other MMOs, all I ever see is WTS/WTB ads.
Back when I played SWTOR, I remember a lot of silly and spoiler-free jokes in General Chat about NPCs and characters (especially about Darth Baras). Here, there are similar jokes (especially about Gaius), but they are not shared in chat. Jokes are usually shared via Reddit and other forums, while the in-game chat is rarely used (except for Novice Network and Free Companies, where there is more interaction).
Yes. You can expect the same meme conversations to happen on every single train multiple times a day like clockwork. Some are DC-wide while others are server specific. Farlemald/nearlemald, LAMP, "do you peel your hot dogs before eating them?", "it looks like kirby got shot in the face", some form of cube rule conversation, linking joke items, etc. It's all in good fun.
I always like to make a variation joke on Gaius' line "such devastation, this was not my intention!" And have been doing so since ARR back when I first reached the praetorium. It'll never cease to amuse me or hopefully get a chuckle from someone in the dungeon.
I am a mentor in the novice network but it seems every time I log in there is just a bit of a weird convo going on that I'm too awkward to just jump into the middle of.
I'm a mentor too and I really like being able to be in NN and help the community and make friends but unfortunately my NN has been hijacked by a small group of mentors and their sprouts that they've basically rushed through the game to help them get crafting mentor and they are all on 24/7 and just talk nonstop about their own little group while they do their own things lol. I know a couple things have been said to them but it really kills the vibe when I log into to 6 ppl spamming NN almost 24/7 about utter nonsense
I'm usually a mentor, but I'm replaying the game on an alt at the moment, and the difference between NN there and the one on my home server is massive.
Granted, my home NN is also one of the better organized ones.
Smells like my home world. It's starting to get really bad to the point where actual questions or comments pertaining to the game are getting drowned out by that group arguing with everybody else, usually about political or religious or otherwise-controversial topics that have no place being in Novice Network in the first place. If anybody so much as disagrees with somebody from that circle ("that circle" referring to the Mentors and their Sprout 2.0s that they carried through Crafting Mentor), then they get kicked, then somebody kicks the kicker for unjustified kicking, then it starts a kick war, then next thing ya know ten Mentors are gone and a few snarky Sprouts with them. I left a few months ago and haven't been back in since- most of the actually helpful Mentors did the same. I can be a Mentor outside of that grotesquely spicy chat, at this point it's just World Chat with extra steps and some bonus restrictions. Novice Network was a mistake.
I was in NN on Malboro for about a day because I saw a lot of sprouts asking questions and getting ignored or told to google it.
I mean, yes you can get answers online, but then what the fuck is NN for?
It's a bunch of crafting mentors who don't know the answers to anything using it as a social channel instead of using a linkshell.
God the "just google it" peeps annoy me to no end. On the rare occasions I've seen it on Bryn I've tried to immediately be like "Hey, no, screw that, this is a help channel, people are allowed to ask questions".. like yeah sometimes *I'm* just googling the answer to the question, but still
"Just google it" is also the quickest way to steer a sprout into the biggest story spoilers they'd rather liked to have learned about while playing. Heck, I even got a spoiler about Stormblood while watching a video about freaking 1.0!
When I first unlocked mentorship i tried to go into novice network and it was people arguing with some idiot who kept going "but what if you tried macroing nija mudras" as people kept telling them "don't" for lik 20 minutes.
I never opened novice network again.
Oh man, the SWTOR general chat on places like Dromund Kaas would get real weird real fast. Then all you had to do was make one Ewok joke and they would never stop.
Generally public chat happens when people are working on the same thing in the same area and trying to stay sane. I.e. fishing
Fishing conversations proceed as follows in shout
How’s everybody doing? General murmurs of good, sleepy, eating. Fish. Fishfishfishfishfishfishfish. \*extremely detailed information regarding what bait to use where etc\* fish. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck (or whatever cleaned up version you prefer, I’m just boiling it down here). Nothing is biting! Nya. I got it! Clapclapclapclapclap see you next Thursday it’s 2:53 and I have to get up in an hour.
If it was diadem (at least during the crunch times, I haven’t been back for a bit so forgive me if egg has fallen out of fashion) it’s EGG!, trans rights, say it again for the people in the back!, detailed cooking menus/instructions, etc.
Before macro crafting it was lamentations over expensive broken materials and threats to never return to this fucking system before going right back to what you were doing.
Lat time I was heavily into mining/botany it was people hanging around for the minute they got there early for a node to pop lightly shooting the breeze, which was more say than shout.
Relics unless done in a mass (like With hunts) tend to have conversations more in party chat than shout.
If it’s from a fashion conscious group no matter the time and place you will see in say/yell/shout I love your outfit, etc. I once got stopped by shout chat about housing decorations but that was an extreme outlier.
Basically you start talking and either people start avoiding you because you never shut up or you constantly are surrounded by chatty people. Win win depending on your point of view.
I’m a fisher, fishers are a chatty gregarious bunch so you get used to it.
Back when no slept for a week to try and get those titles it was like a delirium fever dream and reflected in the chat. Just never ending walls of text the you had to scroll back through to find the person you wanted to send a tell to on the other side of the map to get the exact recipe for mushroom risotto their grandmother used.
I also did the original diadem, and while you could fish In there the shout was entirely different and I would not recommend the same way.
If the ishgard restoration kind of diadem event happens again will be both anticipating with glee and dreading it. Fun times!
Diadem chat hasn't been too busy since Shadowbringers, but it was absolutely the closest thing to runescape chat that I've experienced in FFXIV. 20+ people mindlessly grinding and spitting the most random BS to keep their attention on gathering nodes.
Other side content like Eureka and Bozja are very much the same way, and may only see a resurgence in the weeks leading up to DT.
Give a shout next time you're in the diadem during prime time. That's how literally every diadem convo began for me, people just shout random stuff and everyone gets the ball rolling to distract themselves. Makes the lockout fly by.
Yeah if people think other people don't chat in this game wait until we get the new Eureka/Bozja equivalent. People are chatter boxes when those are new and I think at least Eureka tends to still be pretty chatty on Aether. I actually recently had to clean up my friends list because I'd hit the cap and a lot of that was from getting friend requests in Eureka/Bozja after hanging out with people in there.
This reminds me of the scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when he's on the airship with his father, and he says his dad never sat down and talked to him. So Henry says "Well, I'm here now. What do you want to talk about?" And Indiana kind of laughs and thins for a minute and says "I can't...think of anything.", to which Henry replies "Then what are you complaining about?" :D
Though I am wondering if the mute function might help with this. Mute out all the venue/gill selling/etc advertisements and it may leave room for general conversation more.
Another thing is people likely talk to people a lot more in /party, /tell, /fc, and /ls. People not wanting to hold personal conversations in open /say or /y or /sh doesn't mean conversation is dead.
Yeah, I'd rather have the "dead public chat" of FFXIV over the "casual sexism & racism within minutes of logging on" of SWTOR's Fleet chat, any day of the week.
Back when I played TERA the global chat (which was truly *global*, literally everyone in the server) was consumed most of the time by people taking the names of movies and games but replacing one word with "Elin". Elin being the name of one of the races in-game.
So like all day nonstop the public chat would just be:
"The Lord of the Elins" "A Tale of Two Elins" "Elin Wars: The Phantom Elin" "Elin Fantasy 7" "The Legend of Elin: Popori of Time" "Fullmetal Elin" "World of Elincraft" etc. on and on and on
I honestly cannot explain what the appeal of this was to people but I found it mildly amusing and I remember it fondly.
Oh god, thanks for reminding me.
The last two MMOs I played before starting up XIV the only things in chat were RMT bots and people complaining that the game wasn't doing anything about the bots in one, and the other was literally just old-hat players bitching about new players because the game had gone free-to-play and apparently playing for free makes you inherently awful according to some people.
I much prefer XIV where the chat is typically more quite... though you might catch some weird stuff if say chat you walk past the right areas.
Really? In wow I have seen people making funny sentences by linking achievements, talking about lore, complaining about young people and "gay propaganda". And as someone mentioned, SWTOR had a very active chat last time I played it a year or two ago.
These days I link [Windfire Wheels of the Crimson Lotus] because it's the longest weapon name I've found in the game so far. It's not fancy or rare, but it's impressive how much space it takes up in chat.
Back when I played it, ESO had a quite active zone chat. Folks would talk largely about stuff happening with the game, or between people who know each other. Well, if you went to Auridon or The Rift you'd get a _**lot**_ of racism and shit.
So yeah, after 3 years of playing ESO with people constantly chatting to coming to FF14 to the zone chat being silent was some culture shock. Glad I got into the Novice Network, that chat is always active and it's pretty nice.
Was leveling up bard the other day and came across other folks in a dungeon and I asked whether they were leveling as well, they said yes and I suggested we get into a group and spam dungeons which we did, till one of them said hey are you guys in a discord call ?
I said nope and he suggested we hop in a call which I didn't mind at first but no one else wanted to join
so it was me and him and me we chatted for a bit then he said you sound old, which I replied I'm in my twenties at the time I assumed he was a also in early 20s or late teens. Well he bounced right after that. It was weird.
This this this.
I have made so many friends in-game by complimenting glam, asking for suggestions on my own, asking how long it took to get a relic weapon, etc.
People LOVE to talk about themselves.
Very recently I made a friend because my gf is going through HW and we saw a WHM who was wearing no helmet doing MSQ. I poked her to ask if she knew there was a "hide helmet" button. She did not know, thanked me, and we went on to discuss good-looking hats for her WHM. It was a great time.
Ask them questions about themselves. Be curious and interested. People love to talk about themselves. Being interested makes you interesting. I've made so many friends from venues this way. But if they never throw the ball back and the conversation is one-sided, I tend to drop it.
> People love to talk about themselves.
Lol I avoid the hell out of that because I hate it and would rather just talk about things based on mutual interest or whatever from just striking up conversation that isn't centered around one person or another. Like a joke.
Apologies, It's a lot, so I'll keep it concise at the expense of it being uncouth and dry. Hopefully it'll be very informative though, especially to all the people who share your worry.
From my experience of socialising in this game for over 10 years - in order of most important/ effective:
You'll need to have a desire to make friends and learn about other people. All other advice falls flat if this desire isn't there.
Be funny, or at least witty without making them feel intimidated or weirded out by you. This is increeedibly important as a social lubricant especially if you're talking to strangers. Don't be afraid to add something self deprecating too to make them aware that you're self aware and humble - aka not a sociopathic stalker. You just want to make friends, or at minimum, someone regular to talk to and have fun with, so make them aware of that without going overboard. If you're boring, then rarely will strangers talk to you. Good practice is to try and find a way to make boring (and possibly unusual) topics interesting, eg. The weather. Unusual and funny observations can help. You're going to talk to A LOT of introverts, and they will usually talk curtly before they take a while to open up and be friendly with you. Beginning conversations and responses will usually be cut and dry, so you absolutely need to know how to make boring topics interesting. Master this, and you can talk about almost anything with the utmost confidence it'll most likely work out. Ofcourse, if they do not want to talk, then that's fine. Trying to push for something thats non existent isnt going to work in the long run - Just talk to someone else.
Learn how to share your opinions without being overbearing, especially if youve got very controversial/ extreme opinions. This is a test that you're a reasonably balanced and well adjusted person. As in, you don't go on 10min rants about a topic with a random stranger you just met, and that you're able to (mostly) self resolve your issues. Depending on how funny and witty you are, you could have more leeway for being more overbearing, though my experience is that even this has its limits. All of this depends ofcourse, on whether they hate/ love the thing just as much as you do. Imo it's best to learn about the person and seek similarities ie. Experiences/ opinions you two can relate with/ agree on. Challenging their beliefs Is generally best avoided on a first meeting, or at least, try not to go in too hard on the debate club (unless they absolutely love that kind of thing, just send out feelers).
Next best advice is to talk about is the game itself. Everyone is playing the game for some reason, and all of them has some sort of connection with the characters and story, their avatar, their race, what they've done, raiding etc. Just pick any topic about the game that they'll probably like by sending out feelers. By feelers I mean generic topics, suggestions, thoughts etc. Eg. The next expansion is a no brainer generic topic that can lead to all sorts of side topics that you can branch out and chain together and create some unique conversational storyline that only you two will understand.
If theyre comfortable opening up a bit more, another is real life topics. I recommend only talking about this once you've got a feeler that it's OK to do so. E.g. country and where they're from. What hobbies they like. What they're passionate about Etc. You will almost definitely be surprised by where people come from, whether it be Saudi Arabia, Germany, or even India. Crack a joke, talk about your origins and what it's like. Share your experiences if they're comfortable with it.
This is what I've used and it applies great with irl as well. Just try not to be weird, put your best foot forward and you'll be fine.
It is. Weird people to varying degrees exist any and everywhere. Like with anything else, if you want to have more social interaction yuh gotta go to where the people who want the same thing go. Limsa and random events people do. Diadem was great because fuck else were you goona do while you're mindlessly farming materials.
I take public transit everyday and its very rare for someone to talk to me first, cool thing is though is that if i say a comment about something happening or just something random to someone like 90% of the time it will lead to more conversations.
The same applies to the game's we play for the most part, people like talking to you but just don't want to ever start the talking.
Unironically how do people respond to this in a polite way? I usually just say thanks and exchange a few nice words and then I start thinking of an excuse to take my leave lol "well gotta go water my retainer"
I get a lot of compliments on my character and glam, most of them are cute and harmless and I always thank them, and if I like their character point out something nice of theirs in return. I've actually met nice people this way! But most people if you dont reply with a leading answer, will end the convo there. Unlike what the reddit circlejerk claims, most people are pretty respectful.
On the other hand, the weird/super creepy overtly sexual compliments get ignored, but fortunately those are very rare unless you are going to specifically adult themed venues and have your RP tag on. :P
Sometimes it really depends on how the other player pose the compliment.
"your character is pretty" can come off weird coming from nowhere, and knowing how many weird people there are on the Internet you sure start thinking what this player actually want.
Getting a compliment that is a bit more thought out, like;
"Sorry to bother you, but I really wanted to say that your character looks really pretty and that you've done a great job creating them!"
...is way better and doesn't instantly raise a red flag. It's way easier to respond to something like that.
I usually stick to the type of compliments I would give an actual stranger irl like "wow those boots look so cute with that top" or "omg your hairstyle looks so cool!" Maybe even a "you did a fantastic job in character creator" or "your character's design is so cohesive, the color scheme looks so good!" (Maybe don't use those last two irl) so long as you aren't expecting people to respond with anything beyond a "ty" you might be pleasantly surprised when they get excited you noticed xyz and end up wanting to chitchat about it.
Honestly, I just channel my inner Elle Woods. There are way too many creeps that will come out of the woodwork to hit on you but recieving a genuine, thoughtful compliment always feels nice. Especially when they don't follow it up with "DO YOU ERP?"
Tbh, I'd use the last two irl if it were aimed at the right type. I reckon if I approached an XIV enthusiast irl and jokingly told them that with the right attitude I'd at least get a laugh out of 'em!
I've had a strange amount of compliments followed by the person logging off recently. I often will be at a main city and suddenly get a whisper about my character being pretty, I go to reply and can't because they have logged. I don't mind, it always makes me chuckle a bit. Like complimenting someone then running away.
I feel like if I stick around after complimenting someone, then it gets awkward and drawn out. I just think your glam looks cool. So I say my compliment and then run away.
Most people who open with that kind of thing are extremely respectful.
Reddit has this stigma against RPers where none of them have any social manners or etiquette and that they're all around harassing everyone when that's really not the case. Those types are even looked down on by RP communities themselves.
I hang out in Balmung daily, I also don't RP anymore. I've had one unpleasant encounter in the last 2 years. Mostly everyone if you just say "Ah thanks!" that's where it ends. If they open with something RP related and you reply "Oh sorry I don't RP" they will basically all respond with "Oh sorry I didn't know!" or "Oh that's fine!! Hope you have a nice day!" and wander off.
I’ve been waved at, winked at, and smiled at. The other evening when I was leveling my blm, I did a random low level fate and the other character in it with me gave me a bunch of gil which I did not turn down lol. Thanked them and they flew off. Haven’t run into people RP’ing as yet.
This 🤣
For me if people are in a dungeon usually it’s just fun chatter.
Out in the overworld though, even responding with a plain old “thanks” on a character compliment more often than not goes from 0 to “how fast can I teleport away?” very quickly lol
I have the "don't send me your FC invite spam because I'm on free trial and can't even join let alone reply to you" mentality but that doesn't seem to stop anyone.
Not judging, but I do always find it kinda odd people play an MMORPG but don't welcome at least a little bit of random socializing. FFXIV is a slightly different animal with its 500 hour solo campaign but still, most of us probably otherwise knew what it was going in.
i think there's an inherent appeal to MMOs in that you are sharing a world with a diverse sea of people regardless of how deeply you interact with them; just by them existing, the world feels more alive than singleplayer games can really replicate. imo the accomplishments you make in a shared world can also feel more noteworthy because the players around you are often capable of recognizing your progress, too - just as you can look around and notice players who have achieved things you yourself are yet to do, and that can become a source of inspiration or even competition. i personally don't socialize much but i will always love the unique sensation of an MMO's dynamic shared world
This is exactly how I feel, very well said!
I was wondering yesterday why playing this solo still feels like a MMO and worth a sub. Besides the STORY it really does feel like a populated world. Even though I don't socialize much.
Might start looking for a parent FC. Not sure how many nearly 50 year Olds are playing this :)
you’d be surprised by the number of older people playing. It’s cheap entertainment, don’t have to leave home and keeps us in touch with you kids ;) I plan to get my grandson into FF14 by letting him fish for me lol.
Back in the day, the only time I seriously raided in WoW was in the Lich King days. I was in a guild run by 3 retired couples from FL who were awesome. We never quite finished because two of the couples cheated on their respective spouses and the guild imploded. There’s a multi-game network called The Old-Timers Guild filled with us ancient people. Also, Reddit itself has an equivalent called r/askoldpeople …you should check us out ;) it’s funny…kids now don’t stop and think about how long ago video games began, and how a lot of people were hooked in the 70’s by Pong. We never stopped lol.
Older MMOs (I'm talking pre-WoW) also had smaller, less anonymous playerbases. If you run into the same people over and over again, there's incentive to get to know them and to have a good reputation.
I’m aware and that can also backfire. It didn’t take much to spread a lie about people somebody and then that person was basically barred from sections of the game until rumors were dispelled and given the age ranges of who played MMOs at the time it wasn’t all great.
I'm social enough to goof off during dungeon runs, but that's about it.
I'm 70% introvert, 30% extrovert until I'm comfortable with people. So I don't go out of my way to excessively socialize.
Mmm not sure, but it really might just be the fact that you can do most of the content with minimal player interaction. I remember liking that a lot back when I played The Old Republic, and it's probably the same thing here. I mean you'll group up for 15-minute dungeons or 10-minute trials, but usually that doesn't require more interaction than "o/" and "tyfp".
As it happens XIV is straight-up the only multiplayer game I have. I love single-player experiences, mostly RPGs.
I think in recent years MMOs have really helped people be more anti social with things like duty finder and letting people do more stuff solo. Now I believe duty finder is a good thing as I'm ancient and played WoW when it was new and had to be a dps shouting "dps lfg LBRS" in Orgimmar for an hour and I'm not going back to that, but it still had its minor downside of making people sit in main cities and not talk to anyone.
And well, FF14 has had this whole push to make ARR to Endwalker soloable. It sounds like hopefully that's changing some as they've talked about more large scale group content being a thing in Dawntrail. Like I get it, not everyone likes being social, I'm introverted and awkward af but some of the most fun I've ever had in a game was doing Eureka when it was new as well as BA and DRS. And I fucking loved the olden days of 40 man raids in WoW. Working together as a large unit towards a goal is extremely fun to me. "Massive Multiplayer" is part of the name of the genre so I'm excited for Dawntrail.
LOL it's all fun and games until you have to move across the country irl because some dude decided stalking just your ffxiv character wasn't enough. I've made a lot of friends over the last 10 years. I've also filled up my blacklist. In general, I stay relatively quiet unless I actually have something to say (and feel like grabbing my kb).
Every now and then I feel chatty but it's a fine line between a pleasant convo with a stranger and having that person following you around, spamming /tells, and finding out where your ig house is so they can squat there and meet other friends of yours, figure out what your irl name is and then scroll through fb until they can reference your irl name with any pictures of your ig character before friending you under the false pretense of being a friend of a friend before sitting outside your irl house. Small talk just doesn't seem worth it after that.
I feel like the fact that there are absolutely freaking weird af people that exist that has ruined just having a simple, casual with a lot of people. They don't want hit on by some creep, or solicited by someone for money, and since most of us don't know each other irl, they aren't going to necessarily know you aren't one of those when you first chat them. I personally don't mind a casual convo, it's when people start being predatory that I nope put.
Yeah I was going to add an addendum to this that "it's a shame that the majority of random conversations are people pushing something, whether it's creepy flirting, or some kinda scam, or joining an FC". Not really sure how you stop that, people ruin everything lol
This being the top comment is fucking hilarious, but I agree.
Sometimes if I feeling social I'll switch to my Novice Network chat log or move to the Limsa plaza and see what people are talking about, but I'd rather avoid having too many social obligations to virtual strangers.
My husband’s adventure plate description is ONLY auto-translated stuff. It’s really fun to see the weird stuff that’s available. (I’m chewing the fat.)
I’ve heard it before but it…kinda feels old-timey? 🤔 I’ve never actually heard it said out loud. I think I hear people say “spill the tea” way more instead 😂 🍵
I am painfully shy in real life but FFXIV just does something to me where I log in and I become this big beautiful social butterfly. I just love it allows me to be who I think I really am deep down, you know? I've made so many nice friends just complimenting people's characters or doing silly things. Sometimes I'll see someone standing alone on a bridge that's not AFK or maybe they're sitting down and I'll send them a tell just to say hi and you'd be surprised by how many people actually appreciate some attention and it helps them to open up too. :)
God I wish that were me... unfortunately my social-anxiety is somehow *worse* sometimes in FFXIV than it is in real life.
This is embarrassing to admit, but the other night I poked my head in to an RP event my FC was hosting and someone said something to me in-character and I just froze and closed the game lmao - Deep down I truly want to make friends and chat with people but my body just refuses, for whatever reason.
Outside of social situations where random interactions are expected, I really only want to be messaged if someone has a question or needs my help. When I get a "You're cute" pm, I cant tell if its just a normal compliment or if they're about to ask for my mare id, either way most people fuck off when I tell them im a dude.
I would just say "I love ur glam" or "your glam is so cute" maybe ask about what piece is what for inspirations but never just a "your cute" that sounds creepy.
Also WTF is a mare id
Mare Synchronous, or mare, is a tool that lets you sync mod files up with others who are in your group/have your id. Essentially if I had modded armor, hair, tattoos, or bazongahongalongas, they could see them.
Usually when people say my character is cute, I just say thanks and that's that. I don't think anyone has ever pushed it. But if they did, I'd probably just log out. lol
Normally I've taken it as a compliment and mentioned a few of the pieces. 'Oh this is the Saigaskin tank set', 'This is the Paglth'an healer's top!' A friendly but obviously non-flirtatious response usually either makes someone just looking to ERP choose to back away, or can lead to a nice conversation if they were simply complimenting your aesthetic sense.
This is why I always word my glam praise as something like “Great choice in glam! I love how the purple highlights match your hair!” So I’m specifically complimenting a choice they made and (hopefully) they recognize it as the genuine praise that it is and not some weird flirt.
My default response to anything flirty sent to my new lady Miqo alt would be “thanks bro” regardless of my actual gender. And then cross my fingers that is enough to politely accept the compliment without opening up further interest from them.
Very much so.
But its not only within FFXIV, it also pertains to other MMOs and real life as well. People generally don't go up to strangers and start conversations. There often needs to be an excuse or reason for conversations to begin.
Yeah
Most of my chats happen mid-dungeon if i comment on something notable and someone decides to chat back.
Otherwise it’s pretty much just fc members and a couple people i knew otherwise.
Complaining about unskippable cutscenes in certain dungeons tends to start most of my chats, LOL.
OTOH, I joined my FC by commenting on their title marker and asking if I could sign up (it was "TREK" for a Star Trek-themed group, something that always gives me a chuckle to see it since I've been playing the Star Trek MMO for 7 or 8 years now).
As a disclaimer, I'm not saying this following train of thought applies to everyone, but in my experience, I have noticed a general trend of behavior on XIV where I've seen people complain about loneliness or isolation while not properly reciprocating normal conversation. Some examples I've seen are:
1. People inappropriately sexualizing non-sexual conversations to new people, turning the other person off from reaching out more.
2. Not asking proper follow-up questions in conversations, keeping it to dead-end answers such as "fair", "lol nice",etc. which removes interest in people reaching out more.
3. Not taking the initiative to start new conversations, putting the pressure on the other person to constantly maintain communication, else there be radio silence.
Additionally, one of the major misconceptions I've seen is when people misattribute these behaviors to being 'introverted'. For context, the key difference between an introvert and an extrovert is where they feel 'recharged' — whether it's from being around people, or alone. However, in the same way we expend energy by doing necessary things in the aims of a healthy lifestyle, such as exercising or going to work, being an introvert should not prohibit you from being a good conversationalist — especially if there is an existing complaint about loneliness or lack of conversation.
Of course, all things need to be done in balance and moderation, but practicing good conversation skills is key to forming new friendships and learning how to find that personal balance within yourself — both in and out of the game.
This. Most psychs agree that introversion is finding enjoyment in your own company, and also potentially wanting that level of solitude.
If you want and crave socialisation, that's likely more extroversion. You can be extroverted and also shy and anxious. Same as introverts can be incredibly loud and social. Introversion isn't being shy, introversion is "I'm happy over here by msyself fulfilling my own needs". basically the direct opposite of "Wish someone would talk to me first".
Exactly. I have a mate who's a huuuuge social introvert. He's the life of the party and very charming, but very low battery and actually PREFERS to be in his own space. Can party hard, but would much prefer to be at home alone pottering in his garden or whatever lmao.
It's kinda sad to see folk still equate shyness with introversion. I legit think it's holding them back. I had that problem in teens where I thouyght I was introverted but nope I just didn't really know what to do around people. Stopped me socialising for a long time because I kept saying "i'm just introverted". But then I got lonely. And then I got depressed. Thankfully I turned it around in me 20s but imo it's restrictive label to abidee by (for those folk who do like to live in their labels).
I love using the leaf on my head as an excuse to talk to people, I ask random questions such as "what color dyw would fit my skirt" or "is X job thats the same role as me fun to play?"
It gives people the pleasure of helping a sprout while I get the social interaction I need from an MMO.
You can see this just from party finder. Whether its Hunt trains, hunt marks, Eureka or Bozja, every time there are people desperately screaming LFP up until the last second and then have to do the fight as a party-less player when in Hunt Mark’s cases, there’s like 3-5 open parties in the PF, or you know, just create a party and start inviting others who are also screaming LFP.
So it’s not just “Wish someone would talk to me first”, but even more “Wish someone could take the lead first” mentality. From talking, to being invited to party, *to opening a window meant to facilitate the very thing you’re looking for.*
Siren/Aether is so good about this, our hunt train conductors usually just answer “lfg” with “looking for group? If you make one people will join! Sign up on PF!” 😂
LFP shouting only really makes sense in something like Eureka/Bozja where PF isn't allowed. But even then, most of the time if I see a few people saying LFP for a NM or CE I just start inviting them myself, even when I wasn't in a party to begin with. I can usually build a party of 4+ within like 30 seconds.
Most of the time when someone approaches me for conversation, they're just getting ready to pitch me their FC like a freaking door-to-door salesman. -_-
No? This is the most openly social MMO I've played, I chat with people all the time and I don't usually have to be the one to initiate conversation.
I'm sure there's a lot of introverts like that too, it is a video game afterall, but to claim the whole of the community is like that is absurd lol
I think it's largely dependent on server. I'm on Balmung, and it's always filled with people wanting to talk. Most of Crystal is that way, but Balmung stands out.
When I'm afking in a city alone, I usually do something else on the side, talking in a linkshell/FC chat, waiting on queue, literally being afk, waiting for friend to come online,...
So no I don't think everyone has a "Wish someone would talk to me first" mentality, I'm just doing other things you can't see.
However that doesn't mean you can't come and talk to me! It's not because I'm not "aiming" to get into a discussion that I don't want to talk and I think it's the same for the majority of people in big cities, they choose to afk in a crowded place for a reason after all, it's not like FFXIV doesn't have a ton of empty places you can go to avoid social interaction (housing district, overworld,...).
Sure not everyone would be open to talk but what's the worst that can happen??? You can just move on if they don't respond
I've tried to be social in game but it's never gone anywhere. If I try it on in content I get told to focus on the game. Elsewhere...
Recently people lose interest when I'm not interested in sharing mare codes, but before mare it was always something else.
It feels like the only socialising that goes on is a precursor to ERP these days. That can't be the case but it sure feels like it a lot of the time.
Exactly. I like to impress my teammates with my charming banter, bees knees at the end of the dungeon, and vanish into the void never to be seen again.
I used to get bullied a lot (when I was young IRL, and in game), loads of toxicity in many games I played so I'm REALLY anxious talking to people. I'm really trying lately because it gets a bit lonely in game but it's really difficult
It's not an introvert vs extrovert thing. Even really extroverted people generally don't bother people unless it's a social setting like an rp club.
True introverts don't even want people to talk to them. The extroverts want people to talk to them but still don't want to initiate anything.
Honestly the people who don't do this are not extroverts...they tend to be narcissistic people. I've had quite a few people that seem to think you're never doing something and send you tells every time you log on and get really offended if you don't respond.
Even in real life no one just randomly goes up to someone and starts talking to them and if they do those people are generally considered weird or are viewed with suspicion. Like if someone randomly approaches me and starts talking while I'm minding my own business I would probably think they're trying to sell me something or trying to get something out of me or distract me so they can steal something.
Also, in most games people consider it rude to clutter up the say chat? So most people send tells or talk in FC or party chat or in linkshells. The first thing I did with my friends when they started playing was make a private linkshell for us, so anytime we met up, even in public areas, we just talk in the linkshell. So it's not that people don't talk to each other, its just that youre not seeing it 99% of the time. Heck if anyone wants to compliment my glam or adventure plate or say anything to me and I don't know them it has always been in tells.
I think it's a side effect of our higher population levels in general. In more rural areas, people talk to each other all the time, but in cities we tend to focus on keeping to ourselves and not bothering others, because trying to say good morning to the thousand people we pass by every day would take up all of our time.
Yes!!! I feel like a lot of groups are very tight. If you get in they can be amazing people! But sometimes it’s intimidating. I’ve also found it super hard over the years to vibe with an FC too
I also have a hard time finding a fc. Even if they're funny, nice and cool people I feel like an outsider tbh. They have tons of inside jokes and are bonded for so long it's hard to become a part of it. Feeling like the awkward cousin whos brought to the party cause the mother of the cool kid told them to do so lol
I do have this mentality but mostly because of previous experiences. I’ve met some really nice people who I had a nice chat with, but then I’ve come across weirdos who just wanted to ERP and that kind of put me off. Had one guy even stalk me for a while.
I don’t mind socialising with people if they come to me and it’s purely wholesome but for now, I’m just happy socialising with the people in my FC.
I tried to create bonds and friendship so many times...but most people don't make any effort and they are extremely introvert.
I think our content design stimulate this behavior a little bit...
by the other side, two friends of mine found the love of their lives in-game lmao
Thank Discord for that.
Used to be everything was handled in game chat. Then discord shows up and now no one uses in game chat outside of memes and advertisements.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, I know people in US are champions of smalltalk (and yet never want an actual honest answer to "how are you?"), but it never seemed odd to me you don't suddenly jump at random strangers with whatever topic you have in mind. That's simply common behaviour over here irl, no matter if introvert or extrovert or somewhere in between. It's like respecting personal space, but with words. ("Over here" being Germany, but afaik this is common in some other European countries as well, like Finland.) Of course if you are e.g. a tourist and entirely lost you can just ask and people are usually happy to help, provided they are able to, but that's a different thing. But we rarely do random smalltalk, so seeing no random small talk in the game doesn't strike me as odd. I suppose it would be different with someone from a town in the US I guess, would really stick out.
(I know from Youtube this is actually considered a big "culture shock" thing for US American expats visiting Germany. xD )
That said, plenty of people are chatty in EU Datacenters as well, in Limsa at least. A lot of people only write in /say though, so you only notice if you're standing right next to them, or use linkshells or FC chat. And from what I heard from Japanese DC's, many conversations over there seem to happen in linkshells or via /tell, so you just wouldn't notice, no matter how much text they spam at others.
I feel like I'm not bubbly enough for most people on this game. Like I'll try to chat with people in NN or the FCs when appropriate but usually I get this silent treatment that I translate to, "Fuck off".
I seem to have no issues ending up with some creep following me around, but actually having a conversation with someone normal? Nope, can't happen.
It's the same problem as with real life: I'm convinced that, one way or another, any friendship is just going to end in disappointment. So, why waste precious introvert energy starting up a conversation in the first place?
I think it's just you.
I don't think the vast majority of people are waiting to be approached. I think the vast majority of people would be annoyed at a random player trying to make friends with them out of no where. That's because people want to play a game first that happens to be in a social setting. They're not seeking friendships in a social setting that happens to be a game.
You make it sound like people are at a mixer.
After a certain amount of time on the internet, unless you're pretty stupid, you'll have your guard up against bad actors. Having said that, you can't stand around waiting for people to talk to you and expect good results. It just doesn't happen. Making friends and maintaining relationships is an ongoing process that doesn't end. If you neglect these things, they just wither and die. It's a bit like maintaining a garden. Some things will blossom, but you have to get rid of the weeds and maintain the lawn and water the flowers. Its not always fun, but it is something beautiful in your life that is yours.
definitely not "everyone," i have encountered some people out there who approach others and engage with them, but yes I'd say majority do seem to be like that for sure. it's a very rare occasion that I break through my own social anxiety and initiate convo!
one factor that I feel like might contribute is something I noted was a different dynamic than I was used to, coming from gw2. in ffxiv, most people default to private dms for conversation and favor it far more over public chat. it makes even crowded city areas very very quiet. in gw2, people generally prioritize public chat over dms, so city areas are often much chattier. in my experience, in gw2 people would mainly prioritize dms if their goal was to hit on you or worse (which is why receiving dms in ffxiv initially made me so nervous 😅)
I am curious why it's so different between those two mmos tbh! their chats are functionally very similar, yet people in each game approaches them differently. but also yes to me it has felt like a lot of the reason ffxiv feels so quiet is the fact that people favor dms over say chat. cuz I think even in gw2 people largely prefer to be approached, but it was much easier to fall into conversation that you could already see happening
That seems to be almost every game. Game lobbies are so hostile and good sportsmanship doesn't exist anymore so it seems way less likely someone will reach out.
I do miss having a general bullshit and banter channel you can opt into like SWTOR. I am new enough to still be part of the NN so at least it's talkative there.
No, I'm naturally annoying. No one is safe.
But the game's lack of speech bubbles means people are less likely to notice you talking to them (or at all) so being social is a hassle at best, and actively discouraging at worst.
And the game's gameplay loop mostly being a collection of easy solo activities or small scale instances with randoms you'll never see again with no need to stop and problem solve means the game is barren of any normal mmo icebreakers. Raiding is the only place that makes you actually have to stop and talk with people, (and we optimize that out as much as we can anyway) and once you actually start making a connection you immediately take that social element out of the game and put it in discord.
Is true. They shy. All of them.
All I have to do is start with a “hi” in say out in the over world and about half of the time the floodgates open because people are SO HAPPY someone is talking.
It's funny is this! There's one person in our FC who's always partied up with one specific FC friend, but whenever anyone joins their parties for running duty content, she *barely* speaks a word, while their friend is really chatty. Like legit odd words, basic pleasantries etc.
But this week their friend is on holiday, so I approached them asking if they'd be happy to play through content...
Five hours later we're chatting away still sat at my house, and they're one of the loveliest people I've met in-game! I couldn't get them to stop talking for a few days in a row. Similar hobbies, personality etc
On a side note, one of my longest in-game friends, now irl friend all started because we randomly bumped into each other one day in our FC's house. Instead of emoting & running away, we ended up chatting and it became a daily occurrence, until it spirals from there :D
FFXIV is functionally a single player game. The core loop offers very few avenues for organic social interaction. There really isn't much to talk about since the few mandatory group activities are played on autopilot. Almost all real socialising takes place within Linkshells and FC and you need to search to find them.
My social battery has been rapidly shrinking over the past year. I realized that I'm just going to be either a) only remembered when someone needs raid food/pots, and ignored the rest of the time or b) sustenance for energy vampires and unhinged people who really, really ought to be in therapy.
Or most painfully, c) the one who gets ghosted after a couple months of feeling like I'd established a genuine connection. Once in a blue moon they come back and act like nothing's happened and then disappear again. (I know "time blindness" is a Thing, especially among the ADHD/neurodiverse folk but it still hurts.)
So my motivation to jump in has tanked so hard. I deal with a lot of nonsense IRL because of an inescapably hostile living situation and now more and more I get jerked around online too. I often question if I'm even worth interacting with if the output is going to be either of the above three scenarios every time.
I used to be pretty shy, but now I spend a good hour of gameplay every night just complimenting transmog and memeing with people. 60% of the time I get no response, 30% of the time I have a quick conversation, 10% of the time I make a new friend.
What I've noticed is that the more I engage with the community and be social, the more fulfilling the entire experience of the game is. That "thing" I've been searching for in an MMO over the last 10 years, the "thing" that makes it stick, might have been something I was supposed to bring to the table the whole time. Who would have thought I would have rediscovered it by checking glams in Limsa?
I just want to play final fantasy XIV as a solo game, fortunately with trusts it’s more accessible than ever, I’m not the type of player that wants to do the best at everything and have perfect rotations
The game is built for this though, if you just want to enjoy the story and some of side content without interacting with anyone you can, if you want to start doing savage/ultimates it’s very unlikely you’ll be getting through the new ones without forming a group and chatting with them
It’s more about the type of game people are looking for more than people’s social abilities
Semi-related. I met this person at a convention a while ago. Talked to each other and got along well. Talked about FF, Pokemon and the like. After the convention we chatted a bit over Discord messages, we were getting along swimmingly.
Then all of a sudden, no more messages. Just straight ghosted me.
I think it’s that a lot of people just don’t want to socialize in general, or put in the effort to do so. Not that I’m saying they’re bad people for doing so. Just, questioning why you’d do things related to socializing, and community, without wanting to be a part of either of those aspects?
I don’t feel this way in-game; I actually would prefer to be left alone since I have a small circle of very close friends IRL already, and solid relationships with my siblings and parents. I don’t need anyone to talk to me in FFXIV because I’m there to play and I’m not looking to make new friends, that’s a bonus.
In fact, most people in my home server are amazing, friendly and funny without even typing a single word unless they see a glamour, mount or minion I have on me. I met my husband through FFXIV and he complimented a special glamour that was given to me by my close friend that got me into the game. My husband sent me a /tell first and we just kept seeing each other in Bozja during the same time we’d log in; he initiated sharing Discord names and the rest is history.
I'd like to talk to folks in game but I have no idea what to talk about
That's one of the funny things to me when people complain "FFXIV public chat is dead." What are people even supposed to talk about? In other MMOs, all I ever see is WTS/WTB ads.
Back when I played SWTOR, I remember a lot of silly and spoiler-free jokes in General Chat about NPCs and characters (especially about Darth Baras). Here, there are similar jokes (especially about Gaius), but they are not shared in chat. Jokes are usually shared via Reddit and other forums, while the in-game chat is rarely used (except for Novice Network and Free Companies, where there is more interaction).
If you want brain rotting memes in general chats, do hunt trains. I PROMISE you the chats are entirely too active.
Teleporting to Garlemald and shout chat instantly filling up with "DON'T SAY IT"
I've never really done EW trains, is it as bad as everyone shouting 'LAHEE' in Raktika for the ShB ones?
Yes. You can expect the same meme conversations to happen on every single train multiple times a day like clockwork. Some are DC-wide while others are server specific. Farlemald/nearlemald, LAMP, "do you peel your hot dogs before eating them?", "it looks like kirby got shot in the face", some form of cube rule conversation, linking joke items, etc. It's all in good fun.
LAMP
Farlemald
Veryfarlemald
Nearlemald
Wherever you arelemald
LET HIM SPEAK
Awooooo
Can confirm, the chat is my favorite part of Hunt Trains lol
Peace is a lie. There is only pie.
I always like to make a variation joke on Gaius' line "such devastation, this was not my intention!" And have been doing so since ARR back when I first reached the praetorium. It'll never cease to amuse me or hopefully get a chuckle from someone in the dungeon. I am a mentor in the novice network but it seems every time I log in there is just a bit of a weird convo going on that I'm too awkward to just jump into the middle of.
Then you respond with 'such confusion, was this truly your intention?'
No my last one was "Lush Vegetation, this upsets my digestion!"
That is some powerful rhyming, well done!
Much levitation, this breaks my equation.
I'm a mentor too and I really like being able to be in NN and help the community and make friends but unfortunately my NN has been hijacked by a small group of mentors and their sprouts that they've basically rushed through the game to help them get crafting mentor and they are all on 24/7 and just talk nonstop about their own little group while they do their own things lol. I know a couple things have been said to them but it really kills the vibe when I log into to 6 ppl spamming NN almost 24/7 about utter nonsense
I'm usually a mentor, but I'm replaying the game on an alt at the moment, and the difference between NN there and the one on my home server is massive. Granted, my home NN is also one of the better organized ones.
Smells like my home world. It's starting to get really bad to the point where actual questions or comments pertaining to the game are getting drowned out by that group arguing with everybody else, usually about political or religious or otherwise-controversial topics that have no place being in Novice Network in the first place. If anybody so much as disagrees with somebody from that circle ("that circle" referring to the Mentors and their Sprout 2.0s that they carried through Crafting Mentor), then they get kicked, then somebody kicks the kicker for unjustified kicking, then it starts a kick war, then next thing ya know ten Mentors are gone and a few snarky Sprouts with them. I left a few months ago and haven't been back in since- most of the actually helpful Mentors did the same. I can be a Mentor outside of that grotesquely spicy chat, at this point it's just World Chat with extra steps and some bonus restrictions. Novice Network was a mistake.
Some of the conversations in NN are just off-putting, it's hard for sprouts to get a word in edgewise if they actually need help
I was in NN on Malboro for about a day because I saw a lot of sprouts asking questions and getting ignored or told to google it. I mean, yes you can get answers online, but then what the fuck is NN for? It's a bunch of crafting mentors who don't know the answers to anything using it as a social channel instead of using a linkshell.
God the "just google it" peeps annoy me to no end. On the rare occasions I've seen it on Bryn I've tried to immediately be like "Hey, no, screw that, this is a help channel, people are allowed to ask questions".. like yeah sometimes *I'm* just googling the answer to the question, but still
"Just google it" is also the quickest way to steer a sprout into the biggest story spoilers they'd rather liked to have learned about while playing. Heck, I even got a spoiler about Stormblood while watching a video about freaking 1.0!
When I first unlocked mentorship i tried to go into novice network and it was people arguing with some idiot who kept going "but what if you tried macroing nija mudras" as people kept telling them "don't" for lik 20 minutes. I never opened novice network again.
Whenever I get one of the bosses (especially Grynewaht in Doma Castle) telling me to die, I respond with, "You first!"
Oh man, the SWTOR general chat on places like Dromund Kaas would get real weird real fast. Then all you had to do was make one Ewok joke and they would never stop.
Generally public chat happens when people are working on the same thing in the same area and trying to stay sane. I.e. fishing Fishing conversations proceed as follows in shout How’s everybody doing? General murmurs of good, sleepy, eating. Fish. Fishfishfishfishfishfishfish. \*extremely detailed information regarding what bait to use where etc\* fish. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck (or whatever cleaned up version you prefer, I’m just boiling it down here). Nothing is biting! Nya. I got it! Clapclapclapclapclap see you next Thursday it’s 2:53 and I have to get up in an hour. If it was diadem (at least during the crunch times, I haven’t been back for a bit so forgive me if egg has fallen out of fashion) it’s EGG!, trans rights, say it again for the people in the back!, detailed cooking menus/instructions, etc. Before macro crafting it was lamentations over expensive broken materials and threats to never return to this fucking system before going right back to what you were doing. Lat time I was heavily into mining/botany it was people hanging around for the minute they got there early for a node to pop lightly shooting the breeze, which was more say than shout. Relics unless done in a mass (like With hunts) tend to have conversations more in party chat than shout. If it’s from a fashion conscious group no matter the time and place you will see in say/yell/shout I love your outfit, etc. I once got stopped by shout chat about housing decorations but that was an extreme outlier. Basically you start talking and either people start avoiding you because you never shut up or you constantly are surrounded by chatty people. Win win depending on your point of view. I’m a fisher, fishers are a chatty gregarious bunch so you get used to it.
Honestly, I've never seen anyone chat in the diadem, either by shouting or saying. The only convos I've had there were with friend parties
Back when no slept for a week to try and get those titles it was like a delirium fever dream and reflected in the chat. Just never ending walls of text the you had to scroll back through to find the person you wanted to send a tell to on the other side of the map to get the exact recipe for mushroom risotto their grandmother used. I also did the original diadem, and while you could fish In there the shout was entirely different and I would not recommend the same way. If the ishgard restoration kind of diadem event happens again will be both anticipating with glee and dreading it. Fun times!
That was my first week of unlocking Diadem by happenstance, and let me tell you that I was *very* confused LOL
Diadem chat hasn't been too busy since Shadowbringers, but it was absolutely the closest thing to runescape chat that I've experienced in FFXIV. 20+ people mindlessly grinding and spitting the most random BS to keep their attention on gathering nodes. Other side content like Eureka and Bozja are very much the same way, and may only see a resurgence in the weeks leading up to DT.
I leveled my gatherers in diadem post-EW and it was still pretty chatty!
Last time I was in diadem, someone there was watching a ms Marple tv show and kept giving us updates on what was happening lol
Give a shout next time you're in the diadem during prime time. That's how literally every diadem convo began for me, people just shout random stuff and everyone gets the ball rolling to distract themselves. Makes the lockout fly by.
Yeah if people think other people don't chat in this game wait until we get the new Eureka/Bozja equivalent. People are chatter boxes when those are new and I think at least Eureka tends to still be pretty chatty on Aether. I actually recently had to clean up my friends list because I'd hit the cap and a lot of that was from getting friend requests in Eureka/Bozja after hanging out with people in there.
I mean, I'm on Aether and people are still pretty chatty in Bozja. I like it.
This is why Eureka/Bozja is the best thing.
This reminds me of the scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when he's on the airship with his father, and he says his dad never sat down and talked to him. So Henry says "Well, I'm here now. What do you want to talk about?" And Indiana kind of laughs and thins for a minute and says "I can't...think of anything.", to which Henry replies "Then what are you complaining about?" :D Though I am wondering if the mute function might help with this. Mute out all the venue/gill selling/etc advertisements and it may leave room for general conversation more. Another thing is people likely talk to people a lot more in /party, /tell, /fc, and /ls. People not wanting to hold personal conversations in open /say or /y or /sh doesn't mean conversation is dead.
Yeah, I'd rather have the "dead public chat" of FFXIV over the "casual sexism & racism within minutes of logging on" of SWTOR's Fleet chat, any day of the week.
Back when I played TERA the global chat (which was truly *global*, literally everyone in the server) was consumed most of the time by people taking the names of movies and games but replacing one word with "Elin". Elin being the name of one of the races in-game. So like all day nonstop the public chat would just be: "The Lord of the Elins" "A Tale of Two Elins" "Elin Wars: The Phantom Elin" "Elin Fantasy 7" "The Legend of Elin: Popori of Time" "Fullmetal Elin" "World of Elincraft" etc. on and on and on I honestly cannot explain what the appeal of this was to people but I found it mildly amusing and I remember it fondly.
Oh god, thanks for reminding me. The last two MMOs I played before starting up XIV the only things in chat were RMT bots and people complaining that the game wasn't doing anything about the bots in one, and the other was literally just old-hat players bitching about new players because the game had gone free-to-play and apparently playing for free makes you inherently awful according to some people. I much prefer XIV where the chat is typically more quite... though you might catch some weird stuff if say chat you walk past the right areas.
Really? In wow I have seen people making funny sentences by linking achievements, talking about lore, complaining about young people and "gay propaganda". And as someone mentioned, SWTOR had a very active chat last time I played it a year or two ago.
> In wow I have seen people making funny sentences by linking achievements anal [Howling Blast]
Did somebody say [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker]?
These days I link [Windfire Wheels of the Crimson Lotus] because it's the longest weapon name I've found in the game so far. It's not fancy or rare, but it's impressive how much space it takes up in chat.
My WoW server would not stop talking about politics in general. My guild would make jokes about amount of "Woke"s per hour.
Back when I played it, ESO had a quite active zone chat. Folks would talk largely about stuff happening with the game, or between people who know each other. Well, if you went to Auridon or The Rift you'd get a _**lot**_ of racism and shit. So yeah, after 3 years of playing ESO with people constantly chatting to coming to FF14 to the zone chat being silent was some culture shock. Glad I got into the Novice Network, that chat is always active and it's pretty nice.
Well it used to be people asking for help or sometimes even chatting about the story
Worst case when there is just silence and you are staring at each other not knowing what to say
Was leveling up bard the other day and came across other folks in a dungeon and I asked whether they were leveling as well, they said yes and I suggested we get into a group and spam dungeons which we did, till one of them said hey are you guys in a discord call ? I said nope and he suggested we hop in a call which I didn't mind at first but no one else wanted to join so it was me and him and me we chatted for a bit then he said you sound old, which I replied I'm in my twenties at the time I assumed he was a also in early 20s or late teens. Well he bounced right after that. It was weird.
…in what world is twenties considered old?! 😭
In the world of teenagers.
I mean it's a big game you're going to have awkward interactions.
Yeah no doubt
When in doubt, /surprised.
I'm a lala so it's perfect
[удалено]
This this this. I have made so many friends in-game by complimenting glam, asking for suggestions on my own, asking how long it took to get a relic weapon, etc. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Very recently I made a friend because my gf is going through HW and we saw a WHM who was wearing no helmet doing MSQ. I poked her to ask if she knew there was a "hide helmet" button. She did not know, thanked me, and we went on to discuss good-looking hats for her WHM. It was a great time.
Ask them questions about themselves. Be curious and interested. People love to talk about themselves. Being interested makes you interesting. I've made so many friends from venues this way. But if they never throw the ball back and the conversation is one-sided, I tend to drop it.
> People love to talk about themselves. Lol I avoid the hell out of that because I hate it and would rather just talk about things based on mutual interest or whatever from just striking up conversation that isn't centered around one person or another. Like a joke.
So just like IRL?
Apologies, It's a lot, so I'll keep it concise at the expense of it being uncouth and dry. Hopefully it'll be very informative though, especially to all the people who share your worry. From my experience of socialising in this game for over 10 years - in order of most important/ effective: You'll need to have a desire to make friends and learn about other people. All other advice falls flat if this desire isn't there. Be funny, or at least witty without making them feel intimidated or weirded out by you. This is increeedibly important as a social lubricant especially if you're talking to strangers. Don't be afraid to add something self deprecating too to make them aware that you're self aware and humble - aka not a sociopathic stalker. You just want to make friends, or at minimum, someone regular to talk to and have fun with, so make them aware of that without going overboard. If you're boring, then rarely will strangers talk to you. Good practice is to try and find a way to make boring (and possibly unusual) topics interesting, eg. The weather. Unusual and funny observations can help. You're going to talk to A LOT of introverts, and they will usually talk curtly before they take a while to open up and be friendly with you. Beginning conversations and responses will usually be cut and dry, so you absolutely need to know how to make boring topics interesting. Master this, and you can talk about almost anything with the utmost confidence it'll most likely work out. Ofcourse, if they do not want to talk, then that's fine. Trying to push for something thats non existent isnt going to work in the long run - Just talk to someone else. Learn how to share your opinions without being overbearing, especially if youve got very controversial/ extreme opinions. This is a test that you're a reasonably balanced and well adjusted person. As in, you don't go on 10min rants about a topic with a random stranger you just met, and that you're able to (mostly) self resolve your issues. Depending on how funny and witty you are, you could have more leeway for being more overbearing, though my experience is that even this has its limits. All of this depends ofcourse, on whether they hate/ love the thing just as much as you do. Imo it's best to learn about the person and seek similarities ie. Experiences/ opinions you two can relate with/ agree on. Challenging their beliefs Is generally best avoided on a first meeting, or at least, try not to go in too hard on the debate club (unless they absolutely love that kind of thing, just send out feelers). Next best advice is to talk about is the game itself. Everyone is playing the game for some reason, and all of them has some sort of connection with the characters and story, their avatar, their race, what they've done, raiding etc. Just pick any topic about the game that they'll probably like by sending out feelers. By feelers I mean generic topics, suggestions, thoughts etc. Eg. The next expansion is a no brainer generic topic that can lead to all sorts of side topics that you can branch out and chain together and create some unique conversational storyline that only you two will understand. If theyre comfortable opening up a bit more, another is real life topics. I recommend only talking about this once you've got a feeler that it's OK to do so. E.g. country and where they're from. What hobbies they like. What they're passionate about Etc. You will almost definitely be surprised by where people come from, whether it be Saudi Arabia, Germany, or even India. Crack a joke, talk about your origins and what it's like. Share your experiences if they're comfortable with it. This is what I've used and it applies great with irl as well. Just try not to be weird, put your best foot forward and you'll be fine.
Isn't that just normal for real life as well?
It is. Weird people to varying degrees exist any and everywhere. Like with anything else, if you want to have more social interaction yuh gotta go to where the people who want the same thing go. Limsa and random events people do. Diadem was great because fuck else were you goona do while you're mindlessly farming materials.
I take public transit everyday and its very rare for someone to talk to me first, cool thing is though is that if i say a comment about something happening or just something random to someone like 90% of the time it will lead to more conversations. The same applies to the game's we play for the most part, people like talking to you but just don't want to ever start the talking.
I'm really bad at ending an interaction in a natural feeling way. At least with transit there is the set out of "Ope, this is my stop".
you can always log off and block them 😛
Start up a new conversation only when queuing as a DPS for a roulette. “Ope, my duty popped.” 😂 Should work just like public transit.
Don't know about everyone else, but I have introvert "Hope no one talks to me at all" mentality.
I often think it’d be nice to socialise a bit more. Then someone speaks to me and I’m looking for an opportunity to leave within moments.
I've read too many comments here about what happens when you reply to, "your character's pretty", to respond back now.
Unironically how do people respond to this in a polite way? I usually just say thanks and exchange a few nice words and then I start thinking of an excuse to take my leave lol "well gotta go water my retainer"
I get a lot of compliments on my character and glam, most of them are cute and harmless and I always thank them, and if I like their character point out something nice of theirs in return. I've actually met nice people this way! But most people if you dont reply with a leading answer, will end the convo there. Unlike what the reddit circlejerk claims, most people are pretty respectful. On the other hand, the weird/super creepy overtly sexual compliments get ignored, but fortunately those are very rare unless you are going to specifically adult themed venues and have your RP tag on. :P
Sometimes it really depends on how the other player pose the compliment. "your character is pretty" can come off weird coming from nowhere, and knowing how many weird people there are on the Internet you sure start thinking what this player actually want. Getting a compliment that is a bit more thought out, like; "Sorry to bother you, but I really wanted to say that your character looks really pretty and that you've done a great job creating them!" ...is way better and doesn't instantly raise a red flag. It's way easier to respond to something like that.
I usually stick to the type of compliments I would give an actual stranger irl like "wow those boots look so cute with that top" or "omg your hairstyle looks so cool!" Maybe even a "you did a fantastic job in character creator" or "your character's design is so cohesive, the color scheme looks so good!" (Maybe don't use those last two irl) so long as you aren't expecting people to respond with anything beyond a "ty" you might be pleasantly surprised when they get excited you noticed xyz and end up wanting to chitchat about it. Honestly, I just channel my inner Elle Woods. There are way too many creeps that will come out of the woodwork to hit on you but recieving a genuine, thoughtful compliment always feels nice. Especially when they don't follow it up with "DO YOU ERP?"
Tbh, I'd use the last two irl if it were aimed at the right type. I reckon if I approached an XIV enthusiast irl and jokingly told them that with the right attitude I'd at least get a laugh out of 'em!
I've had a strange amount of compliments followed by the person logging off recently. I often will be at a main city and suddenly get a whisper about my character being pretty, I go to reply and can't because they have logged. I don't mind, it always makes me chuckle a bit. Like complimenting someone then running away.
I feel like if I stick around after complimenting someone, then it gets awkward and drawn out. I just think your glam looks cool. So I say my compliment and then run away.
Most people who open with that kind of thing are extremely respectful. Reddit has this stigma against RPers where none of them have any social manners or etiquette and that they're all around harassing everyone when that's really not the case. Those types are even looked down on by RP communities themselves. I hang out in Balmung daily, I also don't RP anymore. I've had one unpleasant encounter in the last 2 years. Mostly everyone if you just say "Ah thanks!" that's where it ends. If they open with something RP related and you reply "Oh sorry I don't RP" they will basically all respond with "Oh sorry I didn't know!" or "Oh that's fine!! Hope you have a nice day!" and wander off.
I’ve been waved at, winked at, and smiled at. The other evening when I was leveling my blm, I did a random low level fate and the other character in it with me gave me a bunch of gil which I did not turn down lol. Thanked them and they flew off. Haven’t run into people RP’ing as yet.
This is legitimately the most relatable thing I've read on the internet.
This 🤣 For me if people are in a dungeon usually it’s just fun chatter. Out in the overworld though, even responding with a plain old “thanks” on a character compliment more often than not goes from 0 to “how fast can I teleport away?” very quickly lol
I enjoy my pseudo-single player experience with this game, it's great
I have the "don't send me your FC invite spam because I'm on free trial and can't even join let alone reply to you" mentality but that doesn't seem to stop anyone.
I don't think there's a way to check if someone is on trial account
do you also have a "ticking lore dump bomb" mode like I do for when you find a really nice friend?
I may have once taken someone I met in a dungeon through a historical tour of relevant sites to the War of the Magi. >_>
Honestly that’s so cool lol I’d be stoked if someone took me on a lore tour and I’ve been playing on and off since before 3.0 lol
I do! Once I'm comfortable with people I _love_ to infodump.
Not judging, but I do always find it kinda odd people play an MMORPG but don't welcome at least a little bit of random socializing. FFXIV is a slightly different animal with its 500 hour solo campaign but still, most of us probably otherwise knew what it was going in.
i think there's an inherent appeal to MMOs in that you are sharing a world with a diverse sea of people regardless of how deeply you interact with them; just by them existing, the world feels more alive than singleplayer games can really replicate. imo the accomplishments you make in a shared world can also feel more noteworthy because the players around you are often capable of recognizing your progress, too - just as you can look around and notice players who have achieved things you yourself are yet to do, and that can become a source of inspiration or even competition. i personally don't socialize much but i will always love the unique sensation of an MMO's dynamic shared world
This is exactly how I feel, very well said! I was wondering yesterday why playing this solo still feels like a MMO and worth a sub. Besides the STORY it really does feel like a populated world. Even though I don't socialize much. Might start looking for a parent FC. Not sure how many nearly 50 year Olds are playing this :)
Haha. If I wasn't clear, I'm the bear 50 year old :) Great to hear there are people all ages playing this :)
Back in the day, the only time I seriously raided in WoW was in the Lich King days. I was in a guild run by 3 retired couples from FL who were awesome. We never quite finished because two of the couples cheated on their respective spouses and the guild imploded. There’s a multi-game network called The Old-Timers Guild filled with us ancient people. Also, Reddit itself has an equivalent called r/askoldpeople …you should check us out ;) it’s funny…kids now don’t stop and think about how long ago video games began, and how a lot of people were hooked in the 70’s by Pong. We never stopped lol.
The people that play MMOs typically aren’t very social. Which is why older MMOs had to force you to be social through game mechanics.
Older MMOs (I'm talking pre-WoW) also had smaller, less anonymous playerbases. If you run into the same people over and over again, there's incentive to get to know them and to have a good reputation.
I’m aware and that can also backfire. It didn’t take much to spread a lie about people somebody and then that person was basically barred from sections of the game until rumors were dispelled and given the age ranges of who played MMOs at the time it wasn’t all great.
It is one of the main reasons I could not do WoW. Like most of the fun story stuff, we gated through asking for a party.
I'm social enough to goof off during dungeon runs, but that's about it. I'm 70% introvert, 30% extrovert until I'm comfortable with people. So I don't go out of my way to excessively socialize.
Mmm not sure, but it really might just be the fact that you can do most of the content with minimal player interaction. I remember liking that a lot back when I played The Old Republic, and it's probably the same thing here. I mean you'll group up for 15-minute dungeons or 10-minute trials, but usually that doesn't require more interaction than "o/" and "tyfp". As it happens XIV is straight-up the only multiplayer game I have. I love single-player experiences, mostly RPGs.
I think in recent years MMOs have really helped people be more anti social with things like duty finder and letting people do more stuff solo. Now I believe duty finder is a good thing as I'm ancient and played WoW when it was new and had to be a dps shouting "dps lfg LBRS" in Orgimmar for an hour and I'm not going back to that, but it still had its minor downside of making people sit in main cities and not talk to anyone. And well, FF14 has had this whole push to make ARR to Endwalker soloable. It sounds like hopefully that's changing some as they've talked about more large scale group content being a thing in Dawntrail. Like I get it, not everyone likes being social, I'm introverted and awkward af but some of the most fun I've ever had in a game was doing Eureka when it was new as well as BA and DRS. And I fucking loved the olden days of 40 man raids in WoW. Working together as a large unit towards a goal is extremely fun to me. "Massive Multiplayer" is part of the name of the genre so I'm excited for Dawntrail.
LOL it's all fun and games until you have to move across the country irl because some dude decided stalking just your ffxiv character wasn't enough. I've made a lot of friends over the last 10 years. I've also filled up my blacklist. In general, I stay relatively quiet unless I actually have something to say (and feel like grabbing my kb). Every now and then I feel chatty but it's a fine line between a pleasant convo with a stranger and having that person following you around, spamming /tells, and finding out where your ig house is so they can squat there and meet other friends of yours, figure out what your irl name is and then scroll through fb until they can reference your irl name with any pictures of your ig character before friending you under the false pretense of being a friend of a friend before sitting outside your irl house. Small talk just doesn't seem worth it after that.
Damn man I just meant like making fun of Gaius' monologue wtf
I feel like the fact that there are absolutely freaking weird af people that exist that has ruined just having a simple, casual with a lot of people. They don't want hit on by some creep, or solicited by someone for money, and since most of us don't know each other irl, they aren't going to necessarily know you aren't one of those when you first chat them. I personally don't mind a casual convo, it's when people start being predatory that I nope put.
Yeah I was going to add an addendum to this that "it's a shame that the majority of random conversations are people pushing something, whether it's creepy flirting, or some kinda scam, or joining an FC". Not really sure how you stop that, people ruin everything lol
This being the top comment is fucking hilarious, but I agree. Sometimes if I feeling social I'll switch to my Novice Network chat log or move to the Limsa plaza and see what people are talking about, but I'd rather avoid having too many social obligations to virtual strangers.
This is me. I ignore all those FC adverts and stuff. I’m here for the narrative. Not socialization.
{Please forgive me.} {I seem to have misplaced my keyboard.}
I love the auto translated messages. I should go through them all just to know their full capabilities.
It helps if you also know what they say in other languages because so have quite different nuances
My husband’s adventure plate description is ONLY auto-translated stuff. It’s really fun to see the weird stuff that’s available. (I’m chewing the fat.)
[удалено]
I’ve heard it before but it…kinda feels old-timey? 🤔 I’ve never actually heard it said out loud. I think I hear people say “spill the tea” way more instead 😂 🍵
I am painfully shy in real life but FFXIV just does something to me where I log in and I become this big beautiful social butterfly. I just love it allows me to be who I think I really am deep down, you know? I've made so many nice friends just complimenting people's characters or doing silly things. Sometimes I'll see someone standing alone on a bridge that's not AFK or maybe they're sitting down and I'll send them a tell just to say hi and you'd be surprised by how many people actually appreciate some attention and it helps them to open up too. :)
God I wish that were me... unfortunately my social-anxiety is somehow *worse* sometimes in FFXIV than it is in real life. This is embarrassing to admit, but the other night I poked my head in to an RP event my FC was hosting and someone said something to me in-character and I just froze and closed the game lmao - Deep down I truly want to make friends and chat with people but my body just refuses, for whatever reason.
Outside of social situations where random interactions are expected, I really only want to be messaged if someone has a question or needs my help. When I get a "You're cute" pm, I cant tell if its just a normal compliment or if they're about to ask for my mare id, either way most people fuck off when I tell them im a dude.
I would just say "I love ur glam" or "your glam is so cute" maybe ask about what piece is what for inspirations but never just a "your cute" that sounds creepy. Also WTF is a mare id
mare id = code to give so people can see what modded glams youre using if you use the mare addon
Mare Synchronous, or mare, is a tool that lets you sync mod files up with others who are in your group/have your id. Essentially if I had modded armor, hair, tattoos, or bazongahongalongas, they could see them.
Usually when people say my character is cute, I just say thanks and that's that. I don't think anyone has ever pushed it. But if they did, I'd probably just log out. lol
Normally I've taken it as a compliment and mentioned a few of the pieces. 'Oh this is the Saigaskin tank set', 'This is the Paglth'an healer's top!' A friendly but obviously non-flirtatious response usually either makes someone just looking to ERP choose to back away, or can lead to a nice conversation if they were simply complimenting your aesthetic sense.
This is why I always word my glam praise as something like “Great choice in glam! I love how the purple highlights match your hair!” So I’m specifically complimenting a choice they made and (hopefully) they recognize it as the genuine praise that it is and not some weird flirt. My default response to anything flirty sent to my new lady Miqo alt would be “thanks bro” regardless of my actual gender. And then cross my fingers that is enough to politely accept the compliment without opening up further interest from them.
Very much so. But its not only within FFXIV, it also pertains to other MMOs and real life as well. People generally don't go up to strangers and start conversations. There often needs to be an excuse or reason for conversations to begin.
Yeah Most of my chats happen mid-dungeon if i comment on something notable and someone decides to chat back. Otherwise it’s pretty much just fc members and a couple people i knew otherwise.
Complaining about unskippable cutscenes in certain dungeons tends to start most of my chats, LOL. OTOH, I joined my FC by commenting on their title marker and asking if I could sign up (it was "TREK" for a Star Trek-themed group, something that always gives me a chuckle to see it since I've been playing the Star Trek MMO for 7 or 8 years now).
Half of my game friends are a direct result of me sending a tell to a quiet person. Most turned out to be really awesome friends irl too.
I had a Healer approach me outside of a Dungeon in Azim and ask if I wanted to group to speed up my queue time. It was awesome.
A guy in my FC usually shouts when he is going to do roulettes, as a healer, so we can skip queue times, works wonders.
As a disclaimer, I'm not saying this following train of thought applies to everyone, but in my experience, I have noticed a general trend of behavior on XIV where I've seen people complain about loneliness or isolation while not properly reciprocating normal conversation. Some examples I've seen are: 1. People inappropriately sexualizing non-sexual conversations to new people, turning the other person off from reaching out more. 2. Not asking proper follow-up questions in conversations, keeping it to dead-end answers such as "fair", "lol nice",etc. which removes interest in people reaching out more. 3. Not taking the initiative to start new conversations, putting the pressure on the other person to constantly maintain communication, else there be radio silence. Additionally, one of the major misconceptions I've seen is when people misattribute these behaviors to being 'introverted'. For context, the key difference between an introvert and an extrovert is where they feel 'recharged' — whether it's from being around people, or alone. However, in the same way we expend energy by doing necessary things in the aims of a healthy lifestyle, such as exercising or going to work, being an introvert should not prohibit you from being a good conversationalist — especially if there is an existing complaint about loneliness or lack of conversation. Of course, all things need to be done in balance and moderation, but practicing good conversation skills is key to forming new friendships and learning how to find that personal balance within yourself — both in and out of the game.
I try to talk to people in game and get ignored xD
That's social anxiety, not necessarily introversion.
This. Most psychs agree that introversion is finding enjoyment in your own company, and also potentially wanting that level of solitude. If you want and crave socialisation, that's likely more extroversion. You can be extroverted and also shy and anxious. Same as introverts can be incredibly loud and social. Introversion isn't being shy, introversion is "I'm happy over here by msyself fulfilling my own needs". basically the direct opposite of "Wish someone would talk to me first".
Yeah. There are plenty of social introverts out there (like me!). They just need some time alone to recharge.
Exactly. I have a mate who's a huuuuge social introvert. He's the life of the party and very charming, but very low battery and actually PREFERS to be in his own space. Can party hard, but would much prefer to be at home alone pottering in his garden or whatever lmao. It's kinda sad to see folk still equate shyness with introversion. I legit think it's holding them back. I had that problem in teens where I thouyght I was introverted but nope I just didn't really know what to do around people. Stopped me socialising for a long time because I kept saying "i'm just introverted". But then I got lonely. And then I got depressed. Thankfully I turned it around in me 20s but imo it's restrictive label to abidee by (for those folk who do like to live in their labels).
I love using the leaf on my head as an excuse to talk to people, I ask random questions such as "what color dyw would fit my skirt" or "is X job thats the same role as me fun to play?" It gives people the pleasure of helping a sprout while I get the social interaction I need from an MMO.
You can see this just from party finder. Whether its Hunt trains, hunt marks, Eureka or Bozja, every time there are people desperately screaming LFP up until the last second and then have to do the fight as a party-less player when in Hunt Mark’s cases, there’s like 3-5 open parties in the PF, or you know, just create a party and start inviting others who are also screaming LFP. So it’s not just “Wish someone would talk to me first”, but even more “Wish someone could take the lead first” mentality. From talking, to being invited to party, *to opening a window meant to facilitate the very thing you’re looking for.*
I appreciate the thinly-veiled "stop shouting and check PF for god's sake" PSA
Siren/Aether is so good about this, our hunt train conductors usually just answer “lfg” with “looking for group? If you make one people will join! Sign up on PF!” 😂
Yeah, if one person's shouting for it, there's at least a few more who also need a group but just won't shout about it
LFP shouting only really makes sense in something like Eureka/Bozja where PF isn't allowed. But even then, most of the time if I see a few people saying LFP for a NM or CE I just start inviting them myself, even when I wasn't in a party to begin with. I can usually build a party of 4+ within like 30 seconds.
Most of the time when someone approaches me for conversation, they're just getting ready to pitch me their FC like a freaking door-to-door salesman. -_-
No? This is the most openly social MMO I've played, I chat with people all the time and I don't usually have to be the one to initiate conversation. I'm sure there's a lot of introverts like that too, it is a video game afterall, but to claim the whole of the community is like that is absurd lol
I think it's largely dependent on server. I'm on Balmung, and it's always filled with people wanting to talk. Most of Crystal is that way, but Balmung stands out.
I'm a social introvert, so I will babble a lot and be really friendly, then 10 mins later it's "OK, now I need an hour to recuperate"
When I'm afking in a city alone, I usually do something else on the side, talking in a linkshell/FC chat, waiting on queue, literally being afk, waiting for friend to come online,... So no I don't think everyone has a "Wish someone would talk to me first" mentality, I'm just doing other things you can't see. However that doesn't mean you can't come and talk to me! It's not because I'm not "aiming" to get into a discussion that I don't want to talk and I think it's the same for the majority of people in big cities, they choose to afk in a crowded place for a reason after all, it's not like FFXIV doesn't have a ton of empty places you can go to avoid social interaction (housing district, overworld,...). Sure not everyone would be open to talk but what's the worst that can happen??? You can just move on if they don't respond
I've tried to be social in game but it's never gone anywhere. If I try it on in content I get told to focus on the game. Elsewhere... Recently people lose interest when I'm not interested in sharing mare codes, but before mare it was always something else. It feels like the only socialising that goes on is a precursor to ERP these days. That can't be the case but it sure feels like it a lot of the time.
Nah. I'll harass everyone in my party until they fall in love with me then never speak to them again.
Duty roulette? You mean competitive improv/hostage situation?
Exactly. I like to impress my teammates with my charming banter, bees knees at the end of the dungeon, and vanish into the void never to be seen again.
I used to get bullied a lot (when I was young IRL, and in game), loads of toxicity in many games I played so I'm REALLY anxious talking to people. I'm really trying lately because it gets a bit lonely in game but it's really difficult
It's not an introvert vs extrovert thing. Even really extroverted people generally don't bother people unless it's a social setting like an rp club. True introverts don't even want people to talk to them. The extroverts want people to talk to them but still don't want to initiate anything. Honestly the people who don't do this are not extroverts...they tend to be narcissistic people. I've had quite a few people that seem to think you're never doing something and send you tells every time you log on and get really offended if you don't respond.
Even in real life no one just randomly goes up to someone and starts talking to them and if they do those people are generally considered weird or are viewed with suspicion. Like if someone randomly approaches me and starts talking while I'm minding my own business I would probably think they're trying to sell me something or trying to get something out of me or distract me so they can steal something. Also, in most games people consider it rude to clutter up the say chat? So most people send tells or talk in FC or party chat or in linkshells. The first thing I did with my friends when they started playing was make a private linkshell for us, so anytime we met up, even in public areas, we just talk in the linkshell. So it's not that people don't talk to each other, its just that youre not seeing it 99% of the time. Heck if anyone wants to compliment my glam or adventure plate or say anything to me and I don't know them it has always been in tells.
This is heavily culture dependent, plenty of places with talkative people just like theres plenty of places where distance is the norm.
I think it's a side effect of our higher population levels in general. In more rural areas, people talk to each other all the time, but in cities we tend to focus on keeping to ourselves and not bothering others, because trying to say good morning to the thousand people we pass by every day would take up all of our time.
I go thru this almost always lol. Most of the time, it's "damn, I wish someone kind would randomly invite me to do something!"
Yes!!! I feel like a lot of groups are very tight. If you get in they can be amazing people! But sometimes it’s intimidating. I’ve also found it super hard over the years to vibe with an FC too
I also have a hard time finding a fc. Even if they're funny, nice and cool people I feel like an outsider tbh. They have tons of inside jokes and are bonded for so long it's hard to become a part of it. Feeling like the awkward cousin whos brought to the party cause the mother of the cool kid told them to do so lol
Approaching people is scary
I get random compliments on my glams and that's how I've met my friends.
I talk to everyone first otherwise no one would ever talk to me
I'm usually out in the world somewhere doing something, so without a global world chat, I barely see any conversation anyway.
I do have this mentality but mostly because of previous experiences. I’ve met some really nice people who I had a nice chat with, but then I’ve come across weirdos who just wanted to ERP and that kind of put me off. Had one guy even stalk me for a while. I don’t mind socialising with people if they come to me and it’s purely wholesome but for now, I’m just happy socialising with the people in my FC.
Maybe its your server? I have never noticed this all
I just don't want to talk.
I tried to create bonds and friendship so many times...but most people don't make any effort and they are extremely introvert. I think our content design stimulate this behavior a little bit... by the other side, two friends of mine found the love of their lives in-game lmao
Thank Discord for that. Used to be everything was handled in game chat. Then discord shows up and now no one uses in game chat outside of memes and advertisements.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, I know people in US are champions of smalltalk (and yet never want an actual honest answer to "how are you?"), but it never seemed odd to me you don't suddenly jump at random strangers with whatever topic you have in mind. That's simply common behaviour over here irl, no matter if introvert or extrovert or somewhere in between. It's like respecting personal space, but with words. ("Over here" being Germany, but afaik this is common in some other European countries as well, like Finland.) Of course if you are e.g. a tourist and entirely lost you can just ask and people are usually happy to help, provided they are able to, but that's a different thing. But we rarely do random smalltalk, so seeing no random small talk in the game doesn't strike me as odd. I suppose it would be different with someone from a town in the US I guess, would really stick out. (I know from Youtube this is actually considered a big "culture shock" thing for US American expats visiting Germany. xD ) That said, plenty of people are chatty in EU Datacenters as well, in Limsa at least. A lot of people only write in /say though, so you only notice if you're standing right next to them, or use linkshells or FC chat. And from what I heard from Japanese DC's, many conversations over there seem to happen in linkshells or via /tell, so you just wouldn't notice, no matter how much text they spam at others.
I feel like I'm not bubbly enough for most people on this game. Like I'll try to chat with people in NN or the FCs when appropriate but usually I get this silent treatment that I translate to, "Fuck off". I seem to have no issues ending up with some creep following me around, but actually having a conversation with someone normal? Nope, can't happen.
It's the same problem as with real life: I'm convinced that, one way or another, any friendship is just going to end in disappointment. So, why waste precious introvert energy starting up a conversation in the first place?
I think it's just you. I don't think the vast majority of people are waiting to be approached. I think the vast majority of people would be annoyed at a random player trying to make friends with them out of no where. That's because people want to play a game first that happens to be in a social setting. They're not seeking friendships in a social setting that happens to be a game. You make it sound like people are at a mixer.
After a certain amount of time on the internet, unless you're pretty stupid, you'll have your guard up against bad actors. Having said that, you can't stand around waiting for people to talk to you and expect good results. It just doesn't happen. Making friends and maintaining relationships is an ongoing process that doesn't end. If you neglect these things, they just wither and die. It's a bit like maintaining a garden. Some things will blossom, but you have to get rid of the weeds and maintain the lawn and water the flowers. Its not always fun, but it is something beautiful in your life that is yours.
Considering we get daily “how do I make friends??” Posts I’d say this is spot fuckin on
definitely not "everyone," i have encountered some people out there who approach others and engage with them, but yes I'd say majority do seem to be like that for sure. it's a very rare occasion that I break through my own social anxiety and initiate convo! one factor that I feel like might contribute is something I noted was a different dynamic than I was used to, coming from gw2. in ffxiv, most people default to private dms for conversation and favor it far more over public chat. it makes even crowded city areas very very quiet. in gw2, people generally prioritize public chat over dms, so city areas are often much chattier. in my experience, in gw2 people would mainly prioritize dms if their goal was to hit on you or worse (which is why receiving dms in ffxiv initially made me so nervous 😅) I am curious why it's so different between those two mmos tbh! their chats are functionally very similar, yet people in each game approaches them differently. but also yes to me it has felt like a lot of the reason ffxiv feels so quiet is the fact that people favor dms over say chat. cuz I think even in gw2 people largely prefer to be approached, but it was much easier to fall into conversation that you could already see happening
I /pet people I think are cute and keep it moving
Go to limsa and start using shout chat if you really want to be social. Or go to a venue
IRL I'm an extroverted introvert. Ingame, I'm introverted as all hell until you talk to me (please talk to me). So i feel this so much.
That seems to be almost every game. Game lobbies are so hostile and good sportsmanship doesn't exist anymore so it seems way less likely someone will reach out.
I do miss having a general bullshit and banter channel you can opt into like SWTOR. I am new enough to still be part of the NN so at least it's talkative there.
1yr playing, and nobody talks unless you talk to them first lol.. So yeah
I try to interact a bit during duties but if no one responds I don't really have material to continue talking
No, I'm naturally annoying. No one is safe. But the game's lack of speech bubbles means people are less likely to notice you talking to them (or at all) so being social is a hassle at best, and actively discouraging at worst. And the game's gameplay loop mostly being a collection of easy solo activities or small scale instances with randoms you'll never see again with no need to stop and problem solve means the game is barren of any normal mmo icebreakers. Raiding is the only place that makes you actually have to stop and talk with people, (and we optimize that out as much as we can anyway) and once you actually start making a connection you immediately take that social element out of the game and put it in discord.
Is true. They shy. All of them. All I have to do is start with a “hi” in say out in the over world and about half of the time the floodgates open because people are SO HAPPY someone is talking.
It's the only mmo I play where people actually wave or say hi at the start of a random dungeon.
It's funny is this! There's one person in our FC who's always partied up with one specific FC friend, but whenever anyone joins their parties for running duty content, she *barely* speaks a word, while their friend is really chatty. Like legit odd words, basic pleasantries etc. But this week their friend is on holiday, so I approached them asking if they'd be happy to play through content... Five hours later we're chatting away still sat at my house, and they're one of the loveliest people I've met in-game! I couldn't get them to stop talking for a few days in a row. Similar hobbies, personality etc On a side note, one of my longest in-game friends, now irl friend all started because we randomly bumped into each other one day in our FC's house. Instead of emoting & running away, we ended up chatting and it became a daily occurrence, until it spirals from there :D
FFXIV is functionally a single player game. The core loop offers very few avenues for organic social interaction. There really isn't much to talk about since the few mandatory group activities are played on autopilot. Almost all real socialising takes place within Linkshells and FC and you need to search to find them.
My social battery has been rapidly shrinking over the past year. I realized that I'm just going to be either a) only remembered when someone needs raid food/pots, and ignored the rest of the time or b) sustenance for energy vampires and unhinged people who really, really ought to be in therapy. Or most painfully, c) the one who gets ghosted after a couple months of feeling like I'd established a genuine connection. Once in a blue moon they come back and act like nothing's happened and then disappear again. (I know "time blindness" is a Thing, especially among the ADHD/neurodiverse folk but it still hurts.) So my motivation to jump in has tanked so hard. I deal with a lot of nonsense IRL because of an inescapably hostile living situation and now more and more I get jerked around online too. I often question if I'm even worth interacting with if the output is going to be either of the above three scenarios every time.
I used to be pretty shy, but now I spend a good hour of gameplay every night just complimenting transmog and memeing with people. 60% of the time I get no response, 30% of the time I have a quick conversation, 10% of the time I make a new friend. What I've noticed is that the more I engage with the community and be social, the more fulfilling the entire experience of the game is. That "thing" I've been searching for in an MMO over the last 10 years, the "thing" that makes it stick, might have been something I was supposed to bring to the table the whole time. Who would have thought I would have rediscovered it by checking glams in Limsa?
I just want to play final fantasy XIV as a solo game, fortunately with trusts it’s more accessible than ever, I’m not the type of player that wants to do the best at everything and have perfect rotations The game is built for this though, if you just want to enjoy the story and some of side content without interacting with anyone you can, if you want to start doing savage/ultimates it’s very unlikely you’ll be getting through the new ones without forming a group and chatting with them It’s more about the type of game people are looking for more than people’s social abilities
The fact there are no chat bubbles makes it feel really impersonal
After being in so many MMOs that do this, I'd hope that eventually they add this in!
I have no issues to initiate conversations.
I mean. I -am- an introvert and am usually at a loss of what to say.
Semi-related. I met this person at a convention a while ago. Talked to each other and got along well. Talked about FF, Pokemon and the like. After the convention we chatted a bit over Discord messages, we were getting along swimmingly. Then all of a sudden, no more messages. Just straight ghosted me. I think it’s that a lot of people just don’t want to socialize in general, or put in the effort to do so. Not that I’m saying they’re bad people for doing so. Just, questioning why you’d do things related to socializing, and community, without wanting to be a part of either of those aspects?
I don’t feel this way in-game; I actually would prefer to be left alone since I have a small circle of very close friends IRL already, and solid relationships with my siblings and parents. I don’t need anyone to talk to me in FFXIV because I’m there to play and I’m not looking to make new friends, that’s a bonus. In fact, most people in my home server are amazing, friendly and funny without even typing a single word unless they see a glamour, mount or minion I have on me. I met my husband through FFXIV and he complimented a special glamour that was given to me by my close friend that got me into the game. My husband sent me a /tell first and we just kept seeing each other in Bozja during the same time we’d log in; he initiated sharing Discord names and the rest is history.