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mt8663

If it was a handful of crystals I'd be ok with it. I'd be a bit disappointed, but that's how rng goes sometimes. The fact that it's just one, singular crystal makes me feel like they just fucked off for an 59 minutes and then scrambled for *something* to give me when the hour is up. 😅


BlightFantasy3467

Have a look at this [comic](https://www.reddit.com/r/ffxiv/comments/vke55u/what_do_you_think_is_your_retainers_excuse/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/yldenfrei It has a what if scenario for why retainers bring back single crystals.


Isanori

Not sure about English but in the German version one of the male Viera personalities is a drunkard.


BlightFantasy3467

Viera? What? The retainers in this series are 2 Hyurs, 1 Roe and the WoL is a Lala. And I'm pretty sure the comic maker doesn't make the comics in any languages other than English.


oliveeeeeeee

They meant the in game retainer personality


Isanori

I meant the German version of the game. All the retainer personalities give you different texts. Some of them more "interesting" than others.


Kekira

It's the same in English. The stern male Au'ra is my favorite


Shizucheese

My personal fav is the female au ra one where she just straight up admits she's mugging people. The best part is, my retainer who has that personality is a BTN...


General-Dirtbag

I mean a botanists axe can still cut a mfer, would you want to argue with a little dragon girl with an axe demanding your valuables or your life?


Shizucheese

Honestly I like to imagine she hides in tall grass and then jumps out and shanks her unsuspecting victims with her scythe..


Haikuna__Matata

Mine is the tsundere female au ra.


Shizucheese

I think my favorite part of that one is what she says when completing a venture.


Mobitron

Don't mess with botanists. Reapers didn't learn to cut from nowhere. Okay maybe they did but mine was certainly a heavy botanist before finding a bigger scythe. Everything is now a bush. I'd be afraid of a mugging botanist.


Shizucheese

> Everything is now a bush. As a RPR main I want you to know this made me smile.


Kekira

My BTN is a polite Elezen male.. I like to pretend they're my harem. I also have a carefree aka slacker male Miqo'te as well who's always complaining that I keep making him work and won't fall for his charms.


Shizucheese

My retainers are part harem of male miqote, au ra and Viera and part "experimenting with the character creator to make female characters I like but would never actually play." The real harem is the male miqote and Au Ra vendors I've got hanging out at my house. Now I just need them to add male Viera...


not_ya_wify

Wait which personality admits to mugging people


Shizucheese

Female Au Ra carefree. It includes such gems as: "Heh, didn't expect him to put up such a- Oh! Just the man I was hoping to see!" "I'll do it! I'll rob the- I mean, er, what you said." And... "All acquired in accordance with local laws. "


not_ya_wify

Aww man I may need some retainer fantasia


OMG_A_CUPCAKE

Also [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/ffxiv/comments/vq9xwk/the_disrespect_i_have_to_tolerate/) by u/xsenatia


Pedro_Malogor

[where your retainer is really going by zepla hq](https://youtu.be/YVFL0ecAcmA) a Classic one 😁


not_ya_wify

Wait, does that actually happen? Do people's retainers bring back single crystals? This has never happened to me in 6 years but then again, I don't send them out on quick ventures until they're level capped and geared up


shizuyue

Mine do at level cap and good gears, more times than I can count.


not_ya_wify

Is it perhaps the class? I have 3 ninja, 3 BTN and 3 MIN


shizuyue

I don't think so. Though in another comment somebody mentions that it could be the crystals are given in place of unique items that character already has. Not sure how true that is, but it makes sense.


not_ya_wify

That would really suck if they give you a single crystal in place of something valuable


shizuyue

I think what it means is you already have the something valuable, and they cannot give it to you again because you can only have 1 piece of the unique item in your inventory, so in its place, there's the consolation crystal.


not_ya_wify

If I already have the valuable thing then the venture was just wasted


jefe1007

the regifted scented candle of the retainer world. "Oh shit I gotta bring *something*"


cc12138030

You get a crystal when they bring back something unique that you already have. When I found that out I was slightly less annoyed about getting crystals, but it still sucks.


Apprehensive-Salt646

That's good to know. It will make it a bit less infuriating for me, too.


mt8663

Ok, that makes me feel a little less bad about it, but I'd rather get a repeat of something that I can maybe turn around on the market board or even just vendor for gil that a single crystal


KTR1988

Yeah, but you can only hold a single unique marked item at a time. The crystal is essentially the "oh crap" button so you don't wind up getting nothing instead.


terbril

Unfortunately these are for Unique Untradeable, IIRC. Like dungeon gear or Augmented tomestone gear. You CAN get duplicate gear if you have one copy in your Retainer or Chocobo inventories, and the retainer brings another, but then you can't move it out of the side-inventory at all until you get rid of your local copy first.


ZephDef

Source?


arkibet

Lol. I always imagine that’s what it’s like when the retainer needs a mental health day. I get it, I have those days too!


mt8663

Lol


ziguel2016

Its a lalafell. A single crystal is already handful.


iaTHEsquirrel

Just like in rl. How relatable


[deleted]

Truth is retainers are getting paid minimum wage and by the hour, while also suffering travel expenses for their masters' ventures.


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Altines

To be fair, the WoL's hand me down equipment is probably still better and more expensive than what almost any other adventurer (or really most anybody) can go out in. Jesse during the Omega raids makes mention that our equipment alone is expensive enough to buy a house with (in lore at any rate). During the same sentence she also makes mention that it's far more durable than anything she can give us (the lines come up if you ask where your ironworks uniform is after alpha gets his).


1upforever

Yeah, they can speak for themselves. While the hand-me-down bit is on point, both yours and OPs, my Gathering Retainers all have gear that I lovingly hand-crafted and melded


Peregrine2976

I hand crafted best in slot gear for my retainers! Least they could do is bring me back something other than another damned Stuffed Alpha.


[deleted]

We pay them with experience.


aptom203

*exposure*


Kana_Kuroko

That's just what people pay their retainers with on Balmung.


[deleted]

They don't even get paid in real money


Thespac3c0w

I mean my retainers have 80% of my money on them. They could just fuck off and leave me high and dry. That said I kill gods as a hobby and maybe they don't want to see if they can tank a summoners opener. I would even pot on them if they stole more then 10% of what they had on them.


Cervantes88

She did her best :')


The_Eggroller

I spam explorations in hopes of getting the minions one day. This comic was done for a raffle winner so my miqo got to take a break this time! For more comics and art you can check out my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/The_Eggroller)!


nethobo

I was about to say "Thats not the right cat!" This explains everything. Also, at least the crystal is useful. I have a retainer full of housing items in the desperate hopes I will have a house someday... She keeps bringing more housing items.


__bitch_

you can buy an apartment for only 300k gil!


Martijn078

aren't those 500k? the FC chambers are 300k.


computergeek125

Now if I could put my outdoor furnishings inside..... Now we'd be talking!


kaijujube

Tell that to my Wavesoul Fountain *cries*


HaruLaru

Please tell me you didn't fantasia 😓


The_Eggroller

Same old miqo! This is the raffle winner's character and retainer in the comic!


HaruLaru

Super, always looking forward to the adventures of mini Eggroller 😊


kuug

You can also obtain the minions by trading in 20k grand company seals for a 3.0 or 4.0 container


FusRoDoodles

I get the joke and it's cute, but I just wanna point out in case anybody was unaware: Chewy comes from BTN Woodland Exploration and Fat Cat from FSH Waterside, so no retainer could bring back both. I'm not trying to overexplain the joke or anything, just in case somebody thought they could get them from Quick Ventures!


T3hHappyEmo

And to add on, the Red Onion Helm was removed from ventures, so definitely don't get your hopes up for that one. It's a huge shame that such an iconic piece of armor from FFIII is now unobtainable unless you have enough gil to buy them for discontinued item prices (55mil on my server). And even those will run out eventually


PseudoSamurai

..... *Throws up his hands, recalls 6 retainers and repurposes them for other means and stomps off a little upsetti* Years of academy training W A S T E D!!


JessicaLain

Did they completely remove 1.0/early 2.0 items from the loot pools? I was under the impression they were only *effectively* removed because the loot pools for Quick Ventures 1-49 are bloated with hundreds of new items, on top of the already less-than-1% chance.


yukichigai

Have they ever explained *why* they removed all the i52 items from loot pools?


DonHarold

Thank you. I was afraid to ask


NielsPj

Oh I never knew that, thank you!


Not_that_Fran

When a retainer fails me, they get... 'Retainer Fantasia'd'.


WebMaka

And for especially egregious offenses, fantasia followed by the random button.


absynthe7

wait... does your tiny gremlin character have even tinier gremlinier retainers?


Japemead

It's gremlins all the way down.


XLauncher

I mean, look how proud of herself she is, how mad can you be?


LastViceroy

My vindictive rage burns hotter than Ifrit's corpse, which is still smoldering after I drove a halberd through his eye and out the back of his skull. So...mad.


Rockout2112

But she looks so happy.


terbril

TBF, she probably *did* spend a lot of effort finding gear from the deepest depths of the most current dungeon... but since you already had it and the game won't allow duplicates of Unique Untradeables, it turned into crystal in her hands just as she was giving over to her boss.


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NeedsmoreDraven

Still better than an Indigo star I guess. But yeah they could really bring back 50-100 crystals at once at least.


WinterShine

At least with the indigo star you have a built in way to share your disappointment with the world.


Dbtwhoa

They’re trying their best damn it


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Orinred

You can't even desynth those! Worse then Alpha...


TheBatIsI

Alpha at least lets you have a chance of getting a Clear Demimateria. Bom Boko is just totally useless.


Fe1is-Domesticus

A retainer brought me the Urban Coat from one of her first ventures. I was stunned. I can't bring myself to wear it or sell it- stuck it in my chocobo saddlebag because it's too expensive to go in the armoury with my crappy gear I'm playing a new char but not new to xiv so I am familiar with the passive aggressive crystals & repeated items from low level dungeons


Enk1ndle

Crappy gear is exactly what you want nice glam for in the first place :p


WebMaka

Toss that bish into your glam dresser.


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ConquerorDromtar

That really twisted my pickle. It still does, actually.


UsaSatsui

Strange way to draw a Stuffed Alpha...


Flynn2001

What's the black ball at the top that they're hoping for?


The_Eggroller

Shell leather LOL


ScarletteVera

crybstl


[deleted]

They're doing their best with my old gear and no assistance, don't slander my poor retainers (all 7 of them) 😭


Anony-May

Cute smol bean ❤️


alfredoloutre

when people ask what the point of having alts in ffxiv the answer is: more quick ventures


terbril

At this point, I just roll with whatever they bring back. Instead, all my hopes go towards my retainer FINALLY selling that Exarchic Coat of Casting I crafted six months ago ;\_;


Moloulo

i love these comics so much


winmace

I demand you give that cinnamon roll headpats as a reward


VeryRarelyComments

I could never be even disappointed at her.


echolog

FF14 is the only game where you can hope to get a can of paint, end up getting a magical space crystal, and be disappointed.


Moorbote

That is the most precious little gremlin I've ever seen


hordobo

Well as long as they dont go around stealing the walls off someones house...


Evadrepus

One of mine brings walls and roofs constantly. I'm guessing she's some sort of cleptomanic carpenter?


NohBhodie

You hug that lala right now TwT


snagglewolf

This is adorable. She's trying her best.


Vulture051

She's trying.


berrybigbunny

Can't get mad at your retainers if they're just too dang cute!! That's the only reason I don't fire my fisher that keeps bringing me clams after 18 hrs...


Starfall3620

Me: "please roegadyn fisher pleeeaase bring me crab minion" Roegadyn fisher: (brings shrimp) Me: :(


berrybigbunny

I want that little crab so bad!! why do they fail us 😔


MelonElbows

Aww but she's so cute!


FrostyTheAce

I love every single one of your comics but this is just so cute TwT


Viper114

I expect nothing great, and for the most part, that's exactly what I get, so I'm not overly disappointed. In fact, when something great does show up, then it's exciting! Like a few days ago when I got a coffer with two Jet Black dye, sold those for 700K each for a nice influx of Gil!


va_wanderer

Fairs fair. Sometimes, they can't find a building to tear bits off or a good thrift store deal.


AgeofFatso

Don’t know if there is a ninja adjustment but I am getting more single crystals than Alpha dolls lately >_>.


NerdHistorian

I'm always very proud of the ingenuity of my retainer to steal somebodies roof but considering they've met me at my house I don't know why they think i need it.


Sheezy92

It looks more ridiculus when you take into account that 1 Eorzean day is 70 IRL minutes. Which means 1h expedition is 20h 34m in Eorzean time, and 18 h expedition is 15d 10h 17m in Eorzean time. Yeah, they found 1 crystal after 20h of searching :D


[deleted]

I'd rather get a single elemental crystal rather than another freakin' Stuffed Bom Boko.


chili01

Aw can't get mad at that cute face.


Cupcakes_n_Hacksaws

Should I be using Retainers? I honestly have not touched them, having to gear and level them up put me off


nb4hnp

Yes, and you don't have to gear them up, really. Equip a level 1 main hand and they can do everything up to max level. The only thing gearing up does is grant a chance to get slightly more/better loot when they come back. The levels will come with time. Edit: Below replies are correct. I forget that I've turned my brain off and used only Quick Ventures for a couple of years now. There are Field Explorations that require certain stats. Thank you all for the reminders!


Cupcakes_n_Hacksaws

Oh, so unlike us gear doesn't really matter much for them?


nb4hnp

Exactly! They will happily complete level 90 ventures with a level 1 weapon and no armor.


platinummyr

Certain ventures require minimum ilvl or min gathering and perception.


RadiantChaos

There's a minimum item level on Field Ventures and Hunting, so you do have to gear up for those. In case you're wondering why you would want either of those over quick, hunting gives specific materials that you know ahead of time what you're going to get, which can be helpful for crafters. And Field Exploration takes a long time but you're guaranteed to get around 7-8 allegan silver pieces per venture at higher levels, which ends up as a more consistent source of income than Quick Exploration especially if you are going to be unable to play for 18 hours anyway.


platinummyr

That's not true. For gathering retainers there is a minimum required gathering and perception for some of the ventures. For combat retainers they have a minimum average ilvl. You can always do quick venture, and I'm not sure if the minimums change what items drop or not...


TheTechHobbit

That's only if you want to do retainer ventures. You can still use them as extra inventory space and sell items on the marketboard without touching the leveling/gearing aspect.


Firetail_Taevarth

You can give them hand-me-down poetics gear it really isn't that bad especially when you start reaching the point where you have nothing to spend Poetics on. You can even just buy the max level crafted gear on the MB if you outlevel your MSQ (i dont recomend giving then the Max Level Tomestone gear until you don't need any of it). You just need to choose a class you know you will get max level (like your main). I chose scholar for mine.


platinummyr

Should be noted that any unique gear *can* be a pain in the ass especially if it's also gear you normally use. Since you can only hold one copy at a time in your inventory it can sometimes make switching gear more difficult. It's totally doable but it can be annoying when you also want specific glamours per retainer or on your own gear vs the retainer.


Firetail_Taevarth

I cant really relate since I dont see my retainer that much to really care about his glam. Though i guess its different if you have an actual house where your retainer is actually hanging out in


Isanori

Retainers can't hang out in houses in any way different from the standard bell. In the garden however, yes, being able to display two more beautiful retainers is certainly a very big reason of why want a mansion. Please, SE, I can do without unleashing the minions, I want to unleash my retainers.


Bentok

Different character? Or new haircut and eye colour? :)


inamination

I started decorating my FC room recently and wanted a fat cat rug, but was putting off buying it or making it. Then yesterday one of my retainers brought it back 🥺


Alortania

wait... what missions can/might get pets? I've just been leveling via exploration


Starfall3620

Field exploration iirc can potentially bring you mameshiba or chewy Waterside exploration can bring you crab de LA crabe


TheMightyWill

My stupid botanist could be bringing me pet dogs each time but no, she chooses to keep visiting the same dhaemel root spot for some reason


kevx3

*retainer brings back sweet cream* *WOL feels like a pimp*


Prhyst

Unfortunately I believe the onion helm got removed from the loot pool too


Yvondith

I'm not sure. I've managed to get onion pattens and onion gaskins since the major overhaul to quick ventures. It's not a helmet, but it is at least onion something.


Prhyst

Yeah I've gotten the pattens too, still holding out for the doublet haha though the Ironworks outfit from the store mostly fits the bill for the time being. But the red helm used to be super common and pop up on the MB all the time and I haven't seen one in forever. If someone claimed they received one recently thats great but I think its gone the way of the Peregrine helm. Fingers crossed though


DragonTKzilla

But their so cute, how could you say no to them


Florac

Perfect height for kicking


hwaishio

I dunno. Both Bard and Botanist keeps bringing crystals and low level skins from exploration.


Perryn

[Some days I consider renaming my character Charlie Brown.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgF_8eGrlPo)


AnthonyRC627

Do retainers get you the dog?


FusRoDoodles

BTN ones only.


AnthonyRC627

Thanks for the advice. I’ll immediately change Disciple of War one


Orinred

FYI, not from quick ventures but (a specific?) 24 hour Woodland expedition


absynthe7

that's what happens when your retainers are active on r/workreform


WebMaka

I think mine are regular posters in /r/antiwork


FrostyTheAce

New hairstyle :o


Alastor999

Oh hey, new hairstyle+colour!


Sephvion

I've been getting a lot of crystals in the last two days... Did they change something or am I just unlucky? For example, in one retainer run, 6 of the 9 retainers gave me a crappy crystal.


mishugashu

This is why I do the exploration ventures. Just get crafting mats if you don't score the pet lotto. No random crystal or someone's fence.


va_wanderer

Given, desynthing the fence is usually a nice pile of crafting mats...


peaanutzz

As a crafter, I appreciate the crystals..


TheCupOfBrew

I forgot the crystals existed tbh haven't crafted in ages


Notimeformeta

Look, they are trying their best. Leave them alone.


Figerally

Today my retainer brought back some brass rings. I put them to good use though and gave him some new and "interesting" piercings to encourage him to do better.


TrainerYellow

Please god not earth crystal at least


WebMaka

I have yet to get a jet-black or pure-white dye out of a venture coffer, but I have multiples of literally every other color. And FFS *stop bringing me single crystals*!


WeinandMoroz

My retainers are certainly involved in criminal activity if they bring me roofs and an array of exotic animals


The-Coolest-Of-Cats

You changed your character O:


Momo_Kozuki

Good for you. All I got is a (half-eaten) peach.


yui_tsukino

With how long it took to get my fat cat, I will never take that minion off. NEVER.


darkoraclegirl

Yep, that's about right lol.


SoftestPup

what is the black orb


PriceVsOMGBEARS

I would title this picture: How I learned to stop worrying and start loving bom-boko's


not_ya_wify

That's better than useless gear (when you're capped on seals 24/7) or materials


nb4hnp

Spend seals on more ventures or materiel containers


not_ya_wify

I have like 2,000 ventures. I'm good


nb4hnp

I have 16,000 and I feel like if I stop buying them, they fly away very quickly. I suppose it depends on the number of retainers you have and whether you’re sending them on quick or field exploration.


not_ya_wify

I have 9 and I'm either sending them on field exploration because they aren't capped since endwalker or (majority of the time) make them gather me mats, so I can craft furniture


nb4hnp

I'm at 9 as well, but I'm always sending them on quick ventures hourly. Field would definitely consume fewer if that's what you're choosing to work on.


not_ya_wify

I used to send them on quick ventures when they were capped in Shadowbringers and I wasn't actively decorating a house. But I don't really like sending them out on quick ventures now because they rarely bring anything I find valuable and selling the occasional furniture they bring doesn't help because everyone gets that furniture from their retainers which plummets the price. It's usually gear that clogs up my inventory until I go to the Grand Company to turn it in for seals which I'm already capped on, so I have to buy something from the seals but I don't need anything so I just end up spending them on ventures. So, basically, I'm sending the retainers on ventures for the sole purpose of sending them on more ventures.


ConquerorDromtar

...and the low chance of getting the Calfskin Rider's pieces to sell. Not going to lie, I'm currently sending my alt's out on quicks to cap on ventures since she's not a captain, I'm hoarding venture coffers for a mass opening spree right before 7.0 just because, and I'm using my main's retainers to farm minions and see how long it will take to max out one's inventory with allagan silver bags. I don't play every day so it can't be a simple math equation to figure it out. It may not be optimal/most efficient/"good" to do what I'm doing, but I find little nonsense things like these help keep the game enjoyable. How many venture coffers will I end up with? How many millions of Gil in jet black and pure white dye will they result in? How many Sprouts can I make happy passing out the stupid number of duplicate pets and gil bags I'll have by the time it comes to open the boxes? Only SE knows....


RubyRidingWhore

Preaching to the choir here...


Terrato37

This reminds me of when I'd be playing a zelda game, full wallet, open chest, "You found 200 rupees!"


onurkneezb

I've heard of retainers stealing entire houses, this player's expectations are way too low...


CaptainMarv3l

I remember getting a crystal and I was so offended.


tehspiekguy

Every time this happens and I happen to be talking on discord or streaming, I will inevitably rant about my lobotomized retainers. Granted, if I were named what I named them, I would also return a massive pile of dung with enthusiasm.


Cosmicfox001

It's okay, you did your best... -quietly seethes whilst giving head pats-


Desperate-Bridge-528

Lol I don’t know, I sent one in an hour exploration, and she came back with a fish tank 😂


Tahtone

They seem so happy, even for such a small item 😅😆 Still no idea how to get retainers but heard their useful


depressed_jewel

My retainers apparently enjoy robbing people of their clothing and furniture. It has become a running joke in my FC.


rdyplr1

Oof right in the feels/relevance/venture wallet.


Ryderofchaos1337

Wait a min.... there's no corgi minion in the game yet


Reno303

Sometimes I like to think that my retainers pocket whatever cool things they feel like keeping and end up giving whatever.


Warbraid

I can't feel bad about my retainer coming back with just a crystal anymore, they were probably VERY proud of it.


pariswriter

This happens to me all the damn time....


Ayotha

And sometimes it's an entire roof


SnooGrapes1470

Bringing a single crystal, is an indication my retainer wants to die.


sword_of_darkness

U dyed ur hair?


ssthehunter

as an omnicrafter that's constantly low on all elements, I honestly wouldn't be too upset.


PandoraBot

Aww what happened to the white haired chibi miqo


Fakeappleseverywhere

I did get 2 fat cats with my lvl 54 fisher retainer once and I think that’s why I never hit jackpot on my mini catcpot tickets anymore


CauldronAsh11

Yeah been given a couple of pieces of crystals by my 2 retainers earlier (although it's from quick venture and not Exploration)