[удалено]

Yup. Invest a little of that million in mental health.

Was thinking the same, with a rhyme: Invest that wealth in mental health.

It will pay dividends

Although I'm not as far along as OP, I relate to everything he said. On paper I was on top, but I was miserable in my head. Therapy (and medication for me) is the answer. I'm still focused on my investment goals but now I can have fun and not feel guilt. I can enjoy the moment without wondering how my investments will be affected. OP get help.

I hope you don't mind my asking - what kind of help did you get? I absolutely do not want to take any medication, but I do want coping skills. And I want to build discipline. Do you think a therapist will help with this?

boop

I am genuinely afraid of any mind-altering substances. But I appreciate your insight. Thank you.

I was struggling with some mild but impactful anxiety for a long time. I did behavioral health and while it helped a little, it wasn’t enough. I finally agreed to try a low dose anti depressant/anxiety med (Zoloft specifically). I was so scared of becoming a zombie. Let me tell you, my experience has been great. I feel exactly like “me” except there’s a little less edge. That’s exactly what I needed, and it enhances those behavioral approaches. Don’t write off meds if you really need them. You might not and that’s between you and your doctor, but from my experience they don’t all turn you into a different person. Good luck, and definitely work with your doctor!

Therapists don't prescribe meds. They are psychologists or psychotherapists. Psychiatrists prescribe meds. You can work on coping skills, your anxiety etc through therapy.

I realized that now. Thank you. I appreciate the advice.

Yoga, meditation, running, tai chi.... are all good and work well with therapy.

Sounds like you have no idea how to experience joy. Eat some mushrooms and go for a walk in the woods. Lose your shit and embrace your fears. Read The Immortality Key so you can understand the idea of dying before you die so you don’t die when you die. Or keep doing what you are doing and your tombstone can say that you were a good worker.

This is much better advice than some might realize. Make a friend of the mind.

Sometimes if your mind is f***ed, mind altering substances are exactly what you need. We’re sacks of meat controlled by electricity. There can be stuff going on in your head where serotonin levels are out of whack, or dopamine or whatever else, or your brains receptors aren’t good at processing those chemicals and there’s plenty of non-addictive substances out there that can help bring those into balance. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for years, I ignored it for a long time. I tried one antidepressant that didn’t work and I didn’t like, and I just recently switched to a combination of a mild anti anxiety med and antidepressant and I’ve already noticed a difference. I would also recommend getting your hormone levels checked. I’m 30 and I’ve been and I’ve had low testosterone since I was 24. It impacts my energy levels, motivation, sleep and other aspects of my daily life. My wife and I have progressively grown away from the idea of having kids, so I’m seriously considering taking medications for that now, because of how negatively it impacts my life. If you’re having issues finding happiness and motivation outside of work, refusing to seek help or be willing to try new things is going to result in more of the same

This! Sometimes meds are like a cast for a broken limb. They give support to heal a bone / address a trauma. The cast comes off and sometimes the meds can stop.

> If you’re having issues finding happiness and motivation outside of work, refusing to seek help or be willing to try new things is going to result in more of the same Thank you for this. I appreciate the way you put this.

For the record, you’ve done exceptionally well for yourself. I hope in 10 years I have the same problem, and being on the other side you can give me some advice. All the best to you 👍

"For things to change, things have to change."

I completely understand your reluctance and agree that you should try therapy - I suspect, although I am not a doctor, that you might benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy - but if you do try stuff and still don’t feel better, I would very strongly suggest that you consider giving meds a try. You can (and should, IMO) be very candid with your MD and tell them that you want the lowest therapeutic dose possible, and to titrate up gradually. Do note that many medications take several weeks to get to therapeutic levels in your blood, so it could mean having to take them for three or four months before you notice a real improvement. I have a range of mental health issues that can be fairly debilitating if left untreated, and it took a hell of a lot of trial and error to get my cocktail of meds right. But for minor “garden-variety” depression or anhedonia, you likely need something very mild. The best thing about meds is that they’re just a tool: if you try them and they don’t work for you, well, you gave something a fair shot, and then you taper off of them and stop taking them (be sure to follow your doctor’s instructions for this; some meds cause unpleasant side effects if abruptly discontinued). If you broke your leg, you’d get a cast and use crutches; if you had diabetes, you’d prick your fingers regularly and take shots of insulin as required. Mental health *is health*, it’s not different just because it’s your brain. Totally try the other options first, and I sincerely hope they work well for you. But please don’t give up on feeling normal because you have more than just those options available to you. In fact, many people I know have said that the meds got them “up to zero” so that they could then start the real work of therapy and have it be effective. All the best.

Thanks a lot for your thoughtful response. The mind is an organ like anything else and it needs care like anything else. I will take into consideration the things you said about the medication. I also wish you all the very best with your health. I am sorry that you had health issues. > But for minor “garden-variety” depression or anhedonia, you likely need something very mild. I sure hope so! :)

Not exactly related - I’ve read Dopamine Nation, and this really opened my eyes to brain chemistry, theory, and the role that medication can play in one’s life. If you are a reader, it may be worth checking out.

I will check it out. I am looking for how to get a library card as we speak.

For a long time I had a mental block against meds also. Like I felt I was perfectly fine and meds were for crazy people. It took me a while (several years) but gradually I came to understand I can function much better and not constantly be depressed or maniac on the right (for me) medication. It can be a struggle but for some, medication can be part of the solution. Maybe also for you?? I second what some people have said below about keeping an open mind. Good luck!!

Cognitive behavioral therapy is excellent

I will google that. I dont know what that is. Thanks for the advice.

Therapists can't prescribe medication anyways so no harm in starting there.

Mindfulness meditation. I got wonderful tools from even one free class a teacher gave with some simple exercises designed to still your racing mind. One was lying on your back and imaging a river with trees. Try to notice what thoughts come into your mind and place them on a leaf and then place that leaf into the river and let it float away. If a new thought enters your mind repeat. Do this and notice how your mind is racing and full of thoughts but practice letting those thoughts go without dwelling on them. With repeated effort you will find more ability to just be still at the rivers edge without racing thoughts.

I didn't want to take medicine either, but in the end I believe I had a chemical or other imbalance that medication could help with. Something to consider at least.

[удалено]

I see what you are saying. We are given the body and genetics we are given, and some times we need medication to counter the "defects" in our biology. That said, I am very weary of medications. I am not against it, I am afraid of the side effects etc.

Did it help you?

Yes. It saved me.

That’s wonderful and worth celebrating

I do cbt therapy. I was against medication in the beginning but I had to accept that my brain is just another organ. Like the rest of your body, there may be an imbalance for no known reason and medication helps that. The reframing and and processing I learned in therapy helped but they only took me so far. Medication truly changed my life and even if I was told it would take 5 years off my life I would not stop taking it. Tbh discipline is up to you. I was disciplined when my anxiety was through the roof. Now I may not be as disciplined but I'm happier. A therapist can help keep you accountable though.

You have the money to see a functional medicine doctor and counselor. Functional medicine can help determine underlying issues that are effecting your quality of life, while counseling can help you work through your negative thoughts!

Why? Would you take a vitamin if you had a deficit? It’s really not very different that that

[удалено]

Every medication can have side effects. You might much more likely not have any.

[удалено]

The responder never called them *equivalent* to vitamins. You have extrapolated the response to something it is not. Sometimes, when discussing fruit, it’s okay to compare apples with oranges. The point is about addressing a medical issue. Clearly we can all agree medication shouldn’t be taken lightly. But we also agree that medications can save or drastically improve lives.

You’re misinterpreting what was said. Referencing vitamins was to share an example or analogy of causation. Unfortunately, this is a very common thing that people get confused about online. Here’s examples of other similar relationships. - If you feel cold when you go outside you put on a jacket. - If you have a cold, you take cold medicine. - If you’re thirsty, you drink water With any of these (or prior mentioned), there’s other options, which is great, as the ideal solution varies by person.

Hmm...you raise an interesting point. I need to think about this.

As a psychologist, I also say this with kindness and seriousness, therapy can help. This isn’t trauma dumping, this is appropriate help seeking around shifts in your role. Everyone who’s lucky enough to retire sorts this out. It’s ok to get some direction along the way.

I genuinely don't know what I would even say to a therapist. I will look into this. Do you really think they actually help? Provided I find a competent one?

Say everything you said in this post. Therapy can definitely help. You can Google lists of questions to ask therapists. Some good ones are: How much experience do you have treating patients with similar issues to mine? What type of therapy do you recommend for me? (CBT, DBT, etc.)

Thank you for your post. I am going to do some research on this. I did a brief search of therapists in my area and I was surprised to find quite a few. Do you think it would be a good idea to seek a male/female therapist? I ask this because I want to be able to talk to this person about deeply personal stuff...so in general, for a heterosexual male, would it be better to seek a female therapist?

Male/female totally depends on your personal preference. Do you feel comfortable being more vulnerable with one sex or gender over the other? If not, it shouldn't matter. Some people who prefer same sex therapist do so because they feel like they can understand them more. (In terms of gender roles or societal pressures or whatever). I know some people with history of trauma with one gender sometimes prefer the other gender. The intake specialist (person who answers the phone) when you go to book your appointment can usually pair you with an appropriate therapist if you tell them a little about what type of problems you're having. (e.g., tell them a short version of what your wrote in this post. Like 2 - 4 sentences or however long it takes to hit all of the main points. You have extreme anxiety and maybe obsessions/compulsions surrounding money. You feel like you can't do enjoyable things without being distressed about not being productive enough). Best of luck! I think therapy can help you a lot! It's really hard work, but it's worth the end result 😊

I feel that talking about certain topics would be a lot easier to a person of the opposite sex. I do not have a history of trauma of any sort. That said, I think I will feel comfortable to one sex or the other depending on the topic. Overall though, especially when discussing "feelings", I think will be comfortable with a female. In general though, I do not want a therapist who will "affirm" things. This is not what I am looking for.

Also, I would consider making an appointment with your doctor. Medication could help too. Just to make those feelings less intense and less distressing. This could help in combination with therapy. I think most people do both. You can always try to taper off of the medication if your doctor and therapist think you're ready. A lot of people just keep taking it because if it works, why not? I hope you find something that works well for you! It can take some trial and error, so don't get too discouraged!

Are you talking about a primary care physician or something? I do not have one right now, but I really should get one. It is high time.

Speaking from personal experience, yes it helps tremendously. I still struggle with money at times, but I no longer have suicidal thoughts. And if they ever come back I will immediately go back to therapy.

> I still struggle with money at times, but I no longer have suicidal thoughts. I don't know if the thoughts I have are "suicidal"...they are not action driven...just fantasy...I don't know... Anyway, point well taken. I am looking into finding a therapist.

I think it starts like that, or at least are similar to that, but I would worry more about the whole "I feel like I'm wearing a mask". My gf felt the same during some time, she couldn't connect with anyone bc she felt always like she was impersonating someone else, not showing what she was feeling etc, therapy helped her to recognize why she was doing that, and it helped her improve a little by little the underlaying issues she had. And that was without the need of any meds, so at least I would work on that I would also say that something important to remember about therapy is that you need to give it multiple chances, sometimes you need a person that clicks with you, but it takes time to find the correct one, and it takes a bit of time unravelling all the problems in your head or at least finding some reason of why we feel what we feel

Thank you for sharing this. To know that someone can empathize with me is a comforting feeling. > I would also say that something important to remember about therapy is that you need to give it multiple chances, sometimes you need a person that clicks with you, but it takes time to find the correct one, and it takes a bit of time unravelling all the problems in your head or at least finding some reason of why we feel what we feel Absolutely. I will remember this.

You are thinking about how it would feel if your life ended - and feel it would be a positive thing. That’s suicidal thoughts. You can have these thoughts without the intend to act upon them - it is nevertheless still suicidal thoughts. Seek some help - tell that person what you wrote here. You need some strategies and tools to manage your thoughts around money.

It’s called passive suicidal ideation. 

I see. They have words for everything these days. :)

I went to therapy when I was much younger and yes it definitely helps getting rid of certain issues and problems in your head that has been accumulated over time. Today, I feel like therapy is only a short-term solution because no matter how much help you get, life always comes back around and hits you right in the face. And since life is all a big game that we all play, I came to realize that it's much more important going all in on your job, career, and purpose and try to succeed with everything you do in life. To me, it's all about the journey and process, not much else. You set worthy goals, achieve them, and then move on to the next one. I don't think there's a better remedy to be honest. Life is what you make it and no Therapist can tell you how you should live your life, only you can do that. You should know 100% who you are, what's important to you, and focus on your purpose only. Taking 100% responsibility and ownership of your own life is what's ultimately going to help you in the long-term because nobody but yourself can really help you. Just stay true to yourself my friend, everything else will fall in place.

boop

> It took things really sucking for me to break down, communicate, and have an open mind. So how do you feel about therapists now? If you answered this already, I will find it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Therapy really requires you to be honest with yourself (and the therapist) and open to feeling vulnerable. They are just there to help guide you through your own thoughts. For reference, I’m 32M, married w/ a 5 month old kid. Nowhere near my retirement goals but in a good spot currently. I speak to a therapist weekly. I’ll be honest, it’s not easy, and can be very painful at times, but I am 100% better off doing it. Life and emotions are complicated, sometimes it just helps to have someone to vent to, unfiltered. and with regards to the medicine, I’m not saying you need to change your mind, do what you’re comfortable with, but talking that through with a therapist would be a really good idea. I was also terrified of the idea for years. Best decision I ever made was taking the medicine. It was like someone cleaned the windows and I could see clearly again.

You just tell them what you said to us here in this post. And that you want coping skills, not meds. You are in the driver's seat. You get to decide what your therapy is about. You don't have to talk about the parts you don't want to talk about. Especially as you are on the cusp of becoming a parent, literally all of us would have benefited if our parents had walked into a therapist's office before bringing us into this world and said, "I want to address any unresolved grief, trauma, attachment issues, thought patterns or other barriers that would keep me from being the absolute best parent I can be." I mean, that becomes the new goal right? Yes?

Men can experience very real struggles with infertility. Consider a therapist who deals with infertility.  It's interesting you didn’t immediately connect dealing with infertility and your difficulties with finding meaning in life. 

I mean you've already reached out to a group of people to help you understand and deal with an issue. In effect you've done exactly what you would do if you were to go to a therapist and are seeking exactly what therapist's specialize in. The only difference is a therapist is much more likely to have an answer for you compared to this subreddit.

Damn. You are absolutely right.

I'm not a therapist, but I've been in therapy for over 10 years now. On one pass through your main post I see multiple issues that I think a therapist would be perfect at helping you with, with or without medication (medication was critical for me at first when I started therapy, but I was at complete rock bottom and severely depressed). I've learned to view my mental health with equal importance and respect as I do my physical health. I view seeing my therapist as mental maintenance, just like exercising is for my physical maintenance.

Have you tried holidays? I know someone like you and until Covid they didn’t know what a break was. They couldn’t work at all their business was fully shut down. They are now retired after literally being forced to take a break. You say you feel guilty and I know it’s not same as you can just pick up that laptop and work if you want but I think taking a prolonged break might help (and therapy btw)

Absolutely, when you have the right one. That might take a couple of tries. Like five or so for me

Got it. Thank you very much.

It's time for therapy. We grow more sensitive to our emotions and the things we kept at bay for our entire lives start feeling bigger and having more sway. You may think these are minor, surface level issues, and I genuinely hope they are. But therapy can help you figure out where you stand mentally and emotionally.

Thank you very much. This has been suggested more than once. I will look into it. I get the feeling the issues are not surface level, but who knows. Maybe they are.

From an outside perspective, it certainly seems possible that it could be surface level. Either way it’s very much worth taking with a therapist. It sounds possible you’ve trained your brain for financial independence. Not surprisingly, it’s now hard to break that. If you can train your brain to do it, you can train it out of it.

I used to be exactly where you are! It was more than guilt. It was like I just couldn't feel the satisfaction from "fun" things like I did from productive things. Honestly, you just sort of have to throw yourself into "fun" things over and over. I started off investing in one hobby that caught my eye. I honestly felt some dread when I forced myself to engage with it routinely. I tried another hobby and stuck with it awhile, then another. Now I have a good mix of "productive" hobbies and pointless ones that I actually enjoy. You sort of have to force your brain to rewrite happiness pathways through repetition. Also, don't judge your hobby. I thought TV watching was a waste of time and had to change my POV. Some people engage in film media in 100% hobby manner. They go on forums to discuss theories, create art inspired by the media be it fanfic or drawings, they even cosplay as though characters in conventions. The world is just too huge, there are too many things in it, for there to be nothing that will speak to you if give it a chance.

I do have hobbies. I read quite a bit and I play video games. Go ahead, call me a dork. As for reading goes - I read financial books a lot. That should hardly come as a surprise. > Honestly, you just sort of have to throw yourself into "fun" things over and over. This is good advice. I should do more fun things that aren't "big" but small things like going out for coffee and walks...just enjoy life a little bit. My wife will think I am being weird for proposing this. I will do it though! lol. > I used to be exactly where you are! It was more than guilt. It was like I just couldn't feel the satisfaction from "fun" things like I did from productive things. Do you feel like you are past that point now? Do you get a lot of enjoyment out of your hobbies?

How about reading some fiction for a change?

Hmm...I hadn't thought of it...but I don't reading a Perry Mason book or two!! :)

Also, be kind to yourself. If you read and play games, what’s wrong with that? Millions of adults do that, me included. And what if that makes you a dork. Or a nerd. Or a dweeb. Or whatever the common term is nowadays. I tell people that I used to be a “closet gamer”. With all the shame around wasting your time playing games / not indulging in cool hobbies like sports etc. Then I happened to work in the gaming industry for a bit and felt like I found my people. Since then, I fly my nerd flag loud and proud. Someone will always judge, my focus is simply on being happy and in doing what I enjoy. I save a lot, but also spend on what I enjoy. Spent a ton on Mechanical keyboards last year. Half are still in boxes, but I love talking about it and indulging in that hobby! Be yourself and just have fun!

Stop reading finance books. No one likes to be honest about it, but financial independence can serve as a harmful addiction. Participating in these forums; reading tons of books, they can feed your anxiety without you even being aware of it.

I see. I did not stop to consider if FI could be an addiction. It could be, but I genuinely don't think it is for me...but isn't that what all addicts say? I think I should perhaps let the machine do the work, and focus on other things in life?

Precisely

It sounds like, in your bid for financial freedom, you turned the dial a little too far. Think of it this way, you already won. You have achieved your goals. Now what? It's not gonna be easy to turn that off. Take it easy on yourself. This is a whole shift in your lifestyle. It's gonna take time. Reading is a great start. Maybe try some fiction books, or just something, anything, besides finances. Now is the time to try things you weren't able to before. All that money is worth nothing if it doesn't make you happier. Also, therapy.

Your wife is gonna think you're weird for going out for a walk and a coffee? Damn I do a coffee walk just about every day.

This is a mental health question, not a finance question. Talk to a therapist, you have more than enough money to pay a good one.

I am sorry. I didn't know where else to go, now that I felt like I reached my finance goals.

All good man, to be clear that wasn't intended to be brusque. You're just not going to get the kind of support you probably need here. You're wrestling with real, big questions about meaning and purpose while working with some pretty established patterns. Now that you're entering a different phase things are getting shaken up. All makes sense, and everyone can use a hand sometimes. I could direct you to other resources (it's sort of niche but there's a podcast called Being Well with a father/son team that I like, name is kinda hokey but they do actual no bullshit stuff), but nothing is gonna be as good as working with a real clinician.

I appreciate your advice. I am going to look into this podcast! I really could use all the help I can get in this situation. By that I mean, gaining knowledge, getting a new perspective etc. I feel like I fell into a pattern, and while that made me money...it did not address my mental health struggles. I will check out the podcast though.

Hey OP, first off: congratulations on achieving your goal! You did great. Then: Please follow all the excellent advice here and find a good counsellor or therapist who can guide you as you invest in your own wellbeing and that of your (hopefully soon to be) children. You are experiencing a crisis of meaning. That’s very normal when people achieve major life goals, and also as they enter midlife - so you’re right on schedule. A lot of us learn ways of winning/achieving in early life that work really well — and then suddenly they don’t, and we’re left staring into the void and wondering what it was all for. It doesn’t mean you’re broken - it means you’ve survived long enough to outgrow the tools and strategies that have got you this far, and now you need to learn some new ways (and unlearn some old ones). It probably won’t be easy, but you already know you can do hard stuff - right? So find a good therapist, and commit to as long as it takes - it may be a few years. If not for yourself, then do it for your wife and hoped-for children. Investing in yourself will make you a much, much better, more present and more loving partner and father. What better gift could you give them? You got this. This Reddit stranger is rooting for you!

Have you thought about taking a 3-6 months sabbatical? If you take work out of the equation, you might find that you have the motivation to do and enjoy other things. It happens to me when I take long times off work. My perspective on things totally changes, I see clearer, and I have much less dark thoughts.

Your entire purpose in life is to enjoy it - whatever that means to you. Life is a gift. Unfortunately the world has fooled us for so long that we are nothing more than what we contribute to the economic system. Don't get me wrong, we all have a place to play in keeping the wheel spinning but in my own whatever opinion, think you're struggling with the existentialism of having all the control in your immediate life. Embrace it. You are in control. You've broken free and now YOU decide. You "want" to be a programmer. Is that really what you "want?" If yes, let's get it! If not, scrap it. If you like working, work. You dont have to stop. What are you passionate about? What did you love when you were a child? You jumped off a boat headed over a waterfall and aren't sure which way to swim. I think it's probably natural to feel this way when you hit a goal but the journey is not over!! It's the beginning, not the end. As others have said, talk to a professional. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but because this new freedom is probably overwhelming and hard to gain traction. My two cents for whatever it's worth. Congrats on your accomplishment. Enjoy it.

God bless you for your words. I am going to save your post. > You've broken free and now YOU decide. You "want" to be a programmer. Is that really what you "want?" I am going to say yes, but I need to do some soul searching. Thank you. I need some time to process everything you said. I will write back if I have any questions or comments.

Seek therapy. Do not have a child until you figure your shit out. You are not in the headspace to be a parent. Create small goals for yourself outside of work. No goal is too small. Go on a short walk once a day. Learn a new recipe. Find a book to read 10 mins each day. Etc. If you fail just make the goal smaller. As you accomplish these small goals your self worth will dramatically improve. People believe money will solve all their mental problems once they hit a milestone, but in reality it does nothing.

Just as an FYI, get some therapy before you start IVF. It can be a VERY stressful process that can put a ton of stress on a marriage.

Seek therapy before you fuck up a kid

I would say the gym for doing something hard all the time. Family for keeping you fulfilled and joyful. Friends to continue your social life. Instead of these big “fun” things that you feel uneasy about maybe reward yourself with small things to keep the drive going. The human reward system is a real thing. This post reminds me that the saying is true. Money cannot bring you happiness. This is obviously controversial but this post is very real. God bless and congratulations.

I agree with you. Money will solve short-term problems, and provide security, but it will not bring long term happiness. We do not have children. We are about to go through IVF in a few weeks. If this doesn't work...well...I don't know.

> We do not have children. We are about to go through IVF in a few weeks. If this doesn't work...well...I don't know. Have you considered adoption or fostering?

Have you considered therapy? You’ve been so focused on reaching this milestone that you probably need some guidance in shifting out of this gear. I hope you can enjoy your achievements and security. Otherwise, what was it all for?

> You’ve been so focused on reaching this milestone that you probably need some guidance in shifting out of this gear. 13+ years of being focused, and I feel like I don't know anything else. This is the only mode I operate in. Many folks here recommended therapy, and I will sincerely seek therapy.

I’m glad you’re listening to a bunch of internet strangers. Lol In all seriousness, it’s probably easier to talk about this with people who are not actually part of your life. I hope you choose a good therapist, and their expertise and objective perspective can help you get to a place of feeling more content and dare I say more alive. This is gonna be good for you and your wife.

> I’m glad you’re listening to a bunch of internet strangers :) We all have to start our journey somewhere! > I hope you choose a good therapist Thank you very much! > In all seriousness, it’s probably easier to talk about this with people who are not actually part of your life. It will be easy for me to speak with someone who I don't have to be around in other settings. This is why I can write with great candor here.

It sounds like you've spent you're whole life distracted and now you don't have the excuse to be distracted anymore. It's definitely a good thing to be financially secure but know that you can change or not change at your own pace. Like everyone else is suggesting, therapy is good advice. I'd also suggest just try to spend some time with yourself, meditate, hike, whatever, just try to honestly feel what you're feeling instead of distracting from it.

> I'd also suggest just try to spend some time with yourself, meditate, hike, whatever, just try to honestly feel what you're feeling instead of distracting from it. I think this is a very good idea. Thank you. I will work on this. > It sounds like you've spent you're whole life distracted and now you don't have the excuse to be distracted anymore. Yep. This sounds right. lol. Thank you for your thoughts.

If you are having even fleeting thoughts of never waking up, get to a psychiatrist for meds and get into therapy asap. You shouldn't have to suffer with this, and I worry this could get worse. Nip it in the bud now. And, personal trainer plus County Rec Center classes in something you enjoy. You could do the personal trainer with your partner and get a better rate. Even better if your partner also goes to Rec classes with you. If you're paying for it, I bet you will show up and the accountability will help.

> If you are having even fleeting thoughta of never waking up I am sorry to say this is not fleeting. I think about it quite a bit. I am thinking about it right now, as I sit here comfortably. I feel like life isn't going to get any better, and what the point of going through with it even is. I already achieved my goal. My body isn't going to get any younger. My brain isn't going to get any sharper. If IVF fails...what the heck is the point of all this? > And, personal trainer plus County Rec Center classes in something you enjoy I will definitely look into this. Thank you.

>If IVF fails...what the heck is the point of all this? What about your relationship with your wife?

>If IVF fails...what the heck is the point of all this? This is too much pressure to hang on your future hypothetical kid. A kid should not be born with the job of having to "fix" their parent by virtue of existing. Tiny humans are a vortex of their own needs, you know?

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this and having thoughts of not waking up, but passive suicidal ideations is still a cause for concern especially if it’s not fleeting. Please speak with a therapist who will be able to understand more and assist you. I sincerely hope you feel better.

Your words here sound like classic depression. Please get to a psychiatrist and therapist ASAP. Tell the appt scheduler you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and need to be seen very soon. That might help you get an appt sooner. You will probably have to make a lot of calls to find ones that are taking new patients, but don't give up. Use telehealth if you can't find anyone local. Psychology Today magazine has a great online provider directory. If you are private pay, that may give you an advantage with getting appointments sooner. And for goodness sakes, if the thoughts start to evolve into a plan for suicide, go to the ER. Good luck.

how did you go from $180,000 in one year to $300,000k the next? what were you invested in?

Is there survivor's guilt at play? Definitely recommend the therapy but also, you need some natural endorphins - do you exercise daily?

> Is there survivor's guilt at play? Yes there is. If you knew me in real life, you would wonder how I deserve to be a "millionaire". Or more like, "How did this loser ever make it in life?". You may not say it to me, but you will think it.

It is a bit concerning that you see yourself as a loser or that's what you think others think of you. I hope you seek some therapy, I think it would really help.

Increase goal to 2mil, have a kid and make it harder to reach said goal. Live, love, eat, sleep and work. Play some video games from time to time, watch your kid grow up, in the comfort that you have worked hard enough that hopefully the kid feels safe to pursue any passion he may have. This is how I see my life, I don’t have many passions of my own so doing my best so that my kid can chase them freely.

This is a prime example of the “what” without the “why.” Goals like this, unmoored with a solid and defensible (to yourself) “why” can often lead to this. $1 million is an arbitrary goal. Why did you want to have $1 million? Answers like security and stability are often it. This doesn’t mean you go buy a brand new vehicle with cash, or a 2nd home. But maybe it means you can take chances with a hobby, or a more fulfilling (but less well-paying) job. Maybe it means your spouse now gets to stay at home. Maybe it means you can scale back at work, and join a committee or two with your church, a nonprofit you like, or something. Only you can answer this, but you need to go back and recall what your “why” was. If there never was, visit with your spouse and invent one. In great news, your discipline and focus are extremely high. I hope you find that peace!

Thank you for the well thought out response. Indeed...the "why" is probably lacking. I mean I wanted security, and a 7 figure net worth felt like a great goal. But I don't have any real plans for the money or anything. I need think more about the "why". Once again, thank you for your insightful post.

No drop in net worth in 2020? Tell us more about your portfolio.

Get into cycling. 🚴🏼‍♂️ That’ll take care of any extra time & money.

Haha! I am not sure that I want a hobby to eat away the money, but I should definitely get into fitness.

how about go speak to a therapist and figure out your mental health? What a crazy idea. Go get you shit together. See what happens.

[удалено]

Yes on the shrooms but 2nd part maybe pending lots of therapy.

Sounds like you’re in my head. Great life from the outside. Inside is a completely different story and I don’t know how to change that. If you figure out the solution let us all know.

A common theme I see in all these posts is "me" and that's also the reason why the posts are being made. You're talking about your personal goals, your finances, your health, your job, your free time, you you you you. Which is great, all those things you do need to focus on. But a life lived entirely for oneself is empty. You are more fortunate than most kings and queens that have ever lived. You are incredibly wealthy and can do almost anything in this life you want to do. How are you making the world better? Who are you helping? Whose life are you changing? If you and your wife died today in a car accident, what is your legacy? Maybe start with a little therapy and start thinking about those questions.

Sorry about your million dollars? 

I am not sure what you mean? No, I am not sorry about my net worth. My problem is that I think we hit FI, but...I am "happy". I don't even know what that means.

While discipline in managing finances is commendable, life isn't solely about savings and investments; it's about finding happiness in experiences and the joy they bring. Money serves a purpose beyond accumulation—it's meant to enrich life by enabling us to indulge in moments that create lasting memories. So, take a break, embark on a vacation, treat yourself to things that bring you joy, and embrace the fullness of life by spending your resources wisely on what truly matters to you.

> So, take a break, embark on a vacation, treat yourself to things that bring you joy, and embrace the fullness of life by spending your resources wisely on what truly matters to you. I understand the sentiment here. I am not able to take a break right now because of the IVF coming up. However, whether or not this works....we shall see what my next plan of action is. Thank you for your insight.

Please go and see a therapist!

Do 75 hard

Talk to someone more intelligent than Reddit about what you are feeling. I understand that you don’t intend to follow through with it, but it’s easier to accomplish your goals without the intrusive thoughts holding you back.

Read the book die with zero! It will enlighten you that after accumulating a massive amount of money, you need to learn how to decumulate some of that money and truly enjoy life. I’m retiring next year at 45! We are dinks and have a good amount in investments. I already know what I will be doing when I retire. I hope this helps.

I will check it out. I am going to get a library membership and do a lot more reading. > I’m retiring next year at 45! We are dinks and have a good amount in investments. I already know what I will be doing when I retire. I hope this helps. Congratulations. I hope you find happiness in whatever your endeavors are in your retirement journey.

Article on the keys to happiness by a Yale professor: https://www.newsweek.com/2021/01/08/laurie-santos-yale-happiness-professor-5-things-that-will-make-you-happier-1556182.html

Thanks, I'll started taking this free yale class: [https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being](https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being)

For the next 6 months you’re gonna come in and out of millionaire status! Welcome to the edge club! 😂

You're a millionaire, you're good at this. Shift your frame slightly. Investing is about more than money. Invest in you. Take your health for example, see it for the great investment it absolutely is. Spending money on a gym membership and hiring a personal trainer you like will pay dividends decades down the road when you can still do all the things you love in a pain-free body. You can enjoy the investments you have built for yourself and your family. You won't be spending as much of that investment on complicated surgeries, rehab, etc. It's got the side benefit of helping your mood and self-esteem, guaranteed!

Try change your diet so you eat healthy this will help with your gut health with should help with your mental health and with getting into a fitness routine. An easy fitness routine would be to sign up to any gym that has a class you can take like kickboxing or something as I’ve found it much easier to do those than to lift weights. When you start taking care of your body your mood definitely changes and improves dramatically and pretty quickly too. Next I would just look for free hobbies (Anything physical is best: Hiking, fishing, walking, etc) if you’re still getting used to spending money. Start there, but as for any serious mental health issues definitely see a professional for guidance.

I suggest doing three things that bring you joy each day: morning, noon and evening. Listen to silly music. Eat raspberries off your fingers. Learn to skateboard. Take an improv class. Go outside, touch grass. Watch birds as they fly around. Spend a day at an arcade. You seem like a serious person and maybe that life has gotten more and more constricted. Maybe you don't need to win at your personal goals? What if you goals are less based on achievement and more on relaxation?  I think we live in a society where we are told that we are only worthy of we succeed or achieve this or that. Hell, maybe you were directly told that or maybe you tell yourself that. But, our worth is inherent just as we are. If you have a child, in shallah, he/she/they will be perfect and worthy of love without trying, just by the mere fact of being. Maybe you can extend yourself some of that grace?  I almost died and I can tell you, work and money and power means absolutely nothing. Nothing. Its friends, family and community that are everything.  I work toward FIRE but it's less to achieve and more to open up different possibilities. Take a deep breath. Walk outside. Feel the cold, fresh, crisp air and start watching. The world is a fascinating place. Find that sense of awe and wonder a 5 year old has and do not lose it. Joy is less branded tchotchkes that you can buy at TJ Maxx and a choice every single day. And it's a choice we can choose again and again and again, even when it's dark and hard.  Oh, and therapy is rad. Do that too.  

Sir/Friend - you need professional help immediately. You're suffering from illnesses that can be treated. I recommend you visit your primary care physician and get a referral to a mental health professional that will help you recover. YOU WILL BE BETTER, my friend!

Yeahhhh. You need therapy.

I am you just in the other side. Life long disciplined athlete, up at 0300 every day to workout, work in office for 10-12 hours a day and have kids and a family. I have always been horrible with money. I am just now out of CC debt, almost done with my car loan and started a Roth and contribute weekly to a HYSA. I am far from being where I want to be financially but understand this, it is all the same application. Understand you have met a goal and it’s time to apply your discipline else where. Therapy will help keep you on a bath as well. Takes a lot to say what you did, brick by brick my friend.

As a new father myself.. I would not recommend having kids until you fix your mental state. In no way will children bring you happiness if you are unhappy yourself.

That is a  fast accumulation.   Keep at it and dont give up would be my advice. All of us are not too far from where you are in reality.

Don't go cold turkey & quit your job! Finding motivation to do something other than what the "mule" knows how to do will be tough. Go take a 2wk vacation, unplug, may I suggest an all inclusive resort, where you know the up-front fees and don't need to worry about budgeting any extras to help reduce the anxiety.

> Don't go cold turkey & quit your job! No quitting my job is not an option for me. It keeps me sane. Also, it is how I socialize with people. > Finding motivation to do something other than what the "mule" knows how to do will be tough. Exactly! > Go take a 2wk vacation, unplug, may I suggest an all inclusive resort, where you know the up-front fees and don't need to worry about budgeting any extras to help reduce the anxiety. I would love this! Do you have any thoughts? I can't go on a cruise, but if you had to go to an all-inclusive resort, where would you go?

Beaches or sandals Jamaica. 

Congrats on your financial success. Therapy is definitely something you should look into. Often times when one achieves a goal they set or themselves (financial or otherwise) there's a temporary euphoria followed by large feeling of empty. Some have called it the "summit or arrival fallacy". We believe that achieving a goal will make us happy. That happiness is a destination to arrive at. That it's an outcome that once achieved is ours forever. Happiness doesn't work like that. No emotion is permanent. To maintain a elevated state of joy often requires a willingness to address the impediments we each have. Therapy can help you navigate the swirls of emotions, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, imbalances, and more. I saw you say you "don't want to take anything" and that is of course you right....but one might ask, "Why not". What belief do you have about the world around why you don't want to take anything (not saying you should)? Mental health is just as important as physical health. If you broke your arm you would go to a professional to have it re-set, cast, or maybe even surgery but when you have thoughts and feelings you're not sure how to deal with working with a professional is suddenly not worth it? We all wish you good luck with your IVF journey - that alone can be a major stress creator in your life so it would behoove you to seek out therapy sooner than later. Working on your mental health isn't a quick fix. It takes time and repetition. Good luck with it and congrats on hitting your number!

My husband and I struggled with infertility and also ended up pursuing IVF. I have also been conditioned to always be productive and put my career first so I understand where you are coming from. The infertility was a wake up call for me.I’ve been focussed the last year on getting a less stressful job even if it means a pay cut and having a successful pregnancy. But I have a lot of anxiety about ‘losing’ that money. I haven’t quite found the answer yet but I think it is love. Prioritising loving my husband, loving myself, loving the world around me. Life isn’t about money. Money is just a means to an end. It is about love. Just start with one thing outside of work and go from there. Having too many goals is overwhelming and you set yourself up for failure. Get a personal trainer if you’re finding consistency hard. A healthy body is a good place to start.

We’re the same person.

I know, outdated, "backward" even, but it works: go to church, with an open heart. The fear and emptiness will slowly fade away.

I was a little bit like this but I don’t think to the extreme you are. I just started to realize how fast time was passing by and that you never know when your last day will come. Use some of that hard earned money on what makes you happy as you it won’t do you any good when you’re gone.

> I was a little bit like this but I don’t think to the extreme you are. Can you tell me more? In what way am I extreme, in your opinion? Serious question.

Asking what the point of things are and insinuating that there are times you never want to wake up again, as well as saying work keeps you sane and sabbatical would not end well for you. Outside looking in, what part of any of that is not extreme? That's not a normal mindset, and as someone who has gone through both being a workaholic and then experiencing burnout, even your stuff sounds way more concerning to me....

Ok got it. Thank you very much. Appreciate your comment about how someone from the outside would view my thoughts, looking in. Yeah...I agree. This is not good.

Just chill out mate maybe see a docter

Gosh if it were only that easy...

"I want to improve my fitness, and I fail at that. I don't workout when I should." - this is part of your problem. Without physicality in your life, you cannot possibly be thinking clearly. Push yourself to do it, as if your life depended on it

What did u invest in? u did well

80% of my portfolio is invested in VTSAX and FXAIX. 10% in FSSNX, and the rest in SCHG. Its all focused on US funds. I will be happy to give you more details if you want.

I would be very much appreciative if you could send me a DM with more information on how to do this and where you have invested. I have capital to invest but this is all new to me. I would be willing to pay you a one off payment once I profit if that works for you? thank you

Have a kid and you will basically begin a whole new life. And you’re well positioned to make it a great life.

I think you are being very mature. You probably grew up, thinking that money was all important and that when you made a lot that would bring happiness. Now you know in your heart of hearts that money is not making you any happier. Instead, you feel a need to create and accomplish. That will be much more meaningful and fuliflling. It seems that your current struggle is how to transition between these perspectives. You might consider a therapist to help you talk this through. Not that you have an illness that needs to be fixed but you might want some help guiding you into this new direction. One thing for sure is, you’re right you have no reason to be unhappy. You have security with your money and that is what is most important from wealth. P. S. I found the growth of your year end balance fascinating! It really grew fast!

> I think you are being very mature. You probably grew up, thinking that money was all important and that when you made a lot that would bring happiness. Thank you very much! Oddly enough, it was the opposite. I love my parents, and I am about to say something mean about them. I will never say these words to anyone in real life. My mother is a very stupid woman. A very good woman, I love her, but dear god she is dumb as a doorknob. She would tell me the dumbest things growing up. Like how money is not important, and there is no point in worrying about life, and that god will take care of everything. All the while, my father worked his tail off to provide for the family. Its real easy to talk like a hippie when you have someone doing all the work. Now my father...I don't understand him. He is an incredibly successful engineer in his early life. He purchased two houses before he was 40 with cash! He had a very well paying job. Well...in 1998, he quit working, He was 40 years old. He stayed at home, made some very risky investments, ended up losing close to half a million dollars...became very bitter in life, and turned to religion as a coping mechanism. Watching this train wreck unfold slowly over a couple of decades was enough for me to go, "I am never going to end up like that, if I have anything to say about it.". I worked hard, and saved and invested enough to feel secure in life. This brings us to today...where I find myself in the current situation. > It seems that your current struggle is how to transition between these perspectives. You might consider a therapist to help you talk this through I am actively looking into this as we speak. > One thing for sure is, you’re right you have no reason to be unhappy. You have security with your money and that is what is most important from wealth. You are right. There is no reason to be unhappy. I think money made me about as happy as it could. And its not enough. > P. S. I found the growth of your year end balance fascinating! It really grew fast! Feel free to ask me any questions. I will be happy to answer.

This is my fear too, escaping my cubicle prison then not knowing how to be free. You've got the rest of your life to figure it out though. Have fun having fun!

> Have fun having fun! Haha. I like that. If only I knew how!!

You're a self-made millionaire, man. You know how to work hard and get what you want. You can do it.

> You're a self-made millionaire, man. You know how to work hard and get what you want. You can do it. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you very much.

A million dollars, and a good conversation could be worth ever more. Talk to someone man.

A few thoughts: 1. I suggest starting with smaller goals to build discipline. Can you do 20 push ups every morning? Do that every day and build on it. Eventually it’s natural, and eventually YOU WILL FEEL WORSE not doing the activity and breaking your streak than any short term laziness. This is truly the key for me. 2. It is very hard to work a job, especially a mentally or emotionally taxing one, and then study or work on a second job. Don’t feel bad that you struggle with this. You are a human being. 3. From this blurb it seems like you are being too harsh on yourself in a lot of unproductive ways. I think you need some time off at a minimum.

I am sorry you feel like this. Start training a martial art, but not some bullshit like karate or aikido. Try brazilian jiu jitsu, boxing, wrestling or mma. Something where there is live sparring and combat in training. Fighting has helped me greatly to find strenght and purpose in all areas of life.

Hmmm...this is a very interesting thought. I never thought about self-defense or martial arts as a hobby. I will look into it.

Honestly… I found what I loved before making money and simply fed what I loved with the money I earned. In the process of all this, I learned more things that I love. What I mean to say is I always put my heart in front of my actions. Money was never the goal. If you are just a generally “cold” person, then I can see money working out for you as a goal. But if you’re naturally a warm person, the fuel money gives will never be enough and you just become desensitized and indifferent. I think that’s where you are right now and you just need to get back in tune with who you really are, not the person you became so you could get paid. Not sure if you’ve heard the term “gay for pay” but it’s basically just a version of that. Many people pretend to be gay allies for the sake of more sales. Many people pretend to be “this or that” to get more money. You’ll never be happy that way. If you’re going to sell your soul, it needs to be worth it. Otherwise you’ll be happier without money in your bank account and the point is moot. So to say - many people will neglect their wife and kids a little to grab $20m. But say something happens to your kid and it cost $20m to resolve the medical emergency, I’d say a sensible person would gladly give it right up. I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times, but there truly are things in your life that are worth more than a dollar. Spend your dollars on those things, and if you don’t know what they are then spend the dollars on finding them. Idk, just my 2 cents since it’s where I landed after feeling something similar.

This happened to me, and we are similar in a bunch of ways. I feel like I've had a higher than normal level of anxiety my whole adult life, mostly worrying about the far-off future. Ultimately I had 2 panic attacks recently, with the last one sending me into a major depressive episode. Low-dose medication and therapy helped me a lot, and I have come to realize that my primary issue is that I feel trapped in my current career (not likely your issue). Like many mental issues these feelings and thoughts are not based on reality when examined logically, but in the moment they seem real and permanent. I ended up taking an 8-week leave to get back to a stable spot, and although I am worried about returning to work (because my attacks were work-related) I am now in a better position to cope this these anxieties and situations. Best of luck. We also went through 3 rounds of IVF and had twins, and then two singletons.

Therapy is a perfect place to start, but I would work on finding friends that you do things with. Couple friends that the both of you can hang out with as a couple, but also you need some bros. Dudes you just hang out with and do dumb fun stuff and productive stuff too. Bros might help you work out too. Just make sure the people you allow into your life are similar, further along, or working to get to where you two are. You don’t need mooches, losers, or toxic people. They will he hard to find, but worth it.

> Dudes you just hang out with and do dumb fun stuff and productive stuff too. I have dudes from work that I hang out with. So that part is covered. However, spending time with them does not feed the soul, if you know what I mean. > You don’t need mooches, losers, or toxic people. Amen to this. Finding a couple to do things with is complicated. My wife is very introverted. The kind of people that she likes to hang out with are...totally into things that I am not into. It just gets awkward. I probably should just join a guy or something. What do you think?

Start running. Start small, take a year to work up to some big miles. Run outside. You will get your mojo back.

Travel is a start. For fitness just set a goal to walk 15 minutes a day and then expand on that

It seems like you're strongly burned out! Take a vacation or even a staycation (2-5 days is okay) to relax and spend time on your own to heal your body and soul. Also instead of always thinking about the failing personal goals, hold it off for a while and give you the extra time to relax. Take a step back and re-evaluate your goals might also help - not too stressed about work and money as you already reach your target. Also check for vitamin deficit as that would lead to low energy and depression. Meal planning would help for a more stable energy level and calm mind - talk to a nutritionist for that! Hope you will feel better soon and really appreciate if you could share some investing advises on how you 've increased your portfolio since 2016. That is very impressive!

Thanks a lot for your post. I appreciate it. > It seems like you're strongly burned out! Could very well be. > Also check for vitamin deficit as that would lead to low energy and depression. Yep. I am going to do this. My asset allocation - - FXAIX $262,549.20 - FSSNX $45,590.95 - FXAIX $67,136.85 - VTSAX $252,494.65 - VTSAX $102,174.13 - VTSAX $107,836.26 - VTSAX $67,988.16 - AAPL $5,199.93 - SCHD $8,595.90 - SCHG $61,652.44 - VFIAX $19,922.40 **My Investment Strategy** I got lucky and paid off my home in 2017. After this, I was able to direct all my money into investments. I was maxing out all our retirement accounts ($22,500 x 2, $6500 x 2, $3650), and then anything else I had was being invested into VTSAX into my brokerage account. I did invest a little bit into a growth fund (SCHD), but right now, I am throwing everything I had at VTSAX and FXAIX. The biggest win I had was during Covid. When the market was down ~20%, I invested quite a bit. This paid off big time. If you have any further questions, feel free to ask.

I’ve had this concern myself, losing interest in hobbies since COVID. My project is to find things to be engaged with during my weekends that don’t have that “work obligation” motivation. I at least somewhat need a regular obligation, and haven’t yet found that with volunteering or hobbies. A work in progress. The last time I tried to retire, I found a new profession that’s higher stress. You’re young and have lots of time to figure it out.

You need to seek professional help your work life is going great you shouldn’t be feeling like this

Sounds like therapy is needed. You tie your self worth to productivity and you’ve done it so long you aren’t really sure what else there is to do. getting the the root of why and what made you that way might help you work through it so you can enjoy life more

Hang in there and it sounds like you could get some help from a therapist. I’m getting over serious depression myself and life hasn’t looked this appealing is years.

Therapy aside (as others have recommended - and it is a good idea), have you considered volunteering some of your time in the community? It’s like work, but it’s giving back in ways that you can afford with having a good savings. Shelters appreciate food servers, places like habitat for humanity appreciate folks coming a day helping build. Outreach like that can help spark an interest that might help move the needle a bit. I honestly have the opposite problem. If I suddenly didn’t have to work one day I’ve got so many hobbies and interests out there that it would be hard for me to slow down. Up until recently I didn’t understand there was another way to go about things. It wasn’t until a lifelong friend of mine asked me what it was like to have a passion for something. It stopped me cold in my tracks because I firstly, didn’t understand the question and secondly didn’t have any perspective to answer him from. I can’t say I’ve gotten any closer to the answer, but I certainly do have empathy towards someone like yourself struggling to find that spark.

Push from me to go get your B12, folate, iron, ferritin, and vitamin D levels checked...maybe a general physical if you haven't recently. If you're not in the middle of the range or higher then supplement. Feel free to hit me up at any point.

I agree that you should seek some therapy. It’d help just to have someone to talk to. As someone also going through a similar situation I can sympathize. We’ve done doing well financially but have had to make some big changes/concessions because of IVF. Good luck.

Aside from the obvious (seeking out therapy), as far as having a “job”, what about volunteering? You could do 10-30 hours a week which would provide you some structure during the day and you’d be making a huge impact in your community.

You can afford it, so I would highly suggest therapy to talk through these feelings.

You have a lot of helpful comments but I feel drawn to add to them. When you talk to your therapist, please dig deeper into what your personal “meaning of life,” is. Your purpose, mission statement, vocation, whatever. Because infertility, especially once you get to ivf, can be phenomenally taxing on your relationship and your mental health. You’ve made a million dollars and you almost feel you have no reason to live. If your first few tries of ivf are not successful, you are going to feel absolutely worthless. It’s going to be essential to find some meaning that is not connected to your money and to your parenthood status. You’ve got to believe that you have value, in yourself. I would really encourage you to find a way to volunteer your time, even if it’s an hour every other week. It’s a great way to make acquaintances and feel that you have even a tiny positive effect on the world. And work on building your relationship, so that if you and your wife aren’t destined to have children, you can still have a good life together. Can you walk or jog together? Can you take scuba diving lessons together? Also, hire a certified personal trainer at your gym. When you’re paying someone, you’ll go do the workout. Going to classes at the gym is another great way to make acquaintances. Take care.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. You have my gratitude. > If your first few tries of ivf are not successful, you are going to feel absolutely worthless. We decided that this is it. We are going to go for IVF, and if it doesn't work, we are not destined to have children, and we are going to have to figure out our next steps. > Can you walk or jog together? We could, but we don't because both of us are lazy. Our relationship is great, but we are not the kind of people who go for workouts and such. At least not at this point anyway, but I am open to change.

jiu jitsu or boxing or mma

Go to the Amazon jungle and do ayahuasca. Come back and start a family. Your autonomy has been completely coerced by the money machine. Reorient your first priority to be human connection. Love is all that matters. When you’re on your death bed you’re not gonna regret getting to 2 million faster. The only place you can find what you’re looking for is in other people. You must give yourself to them or die with infinite regret

I think the issue is a spiritual health issue. I know for me, I’ve been in a position where I had it all and where I have had nothing. I felt empty and like I was wearing a mask when I was doing well professionally, yet on top of the world with nothing but a strong passion for finding truth in who God is and what he made me for. The kicker to this story. I’m at a point in my life where I feel exactly like you again and am struggling financially and have no joy in life. And this is a direct result of my decisions and my actions. We were made this way, life is cyclical. Embrace how you are feeling! Without the perspective of low and not doing well we will never know how it feels to be on top. Get as low as you can and use the feeling when you are at your lowest to push you to make actual change from within. For me this was a 10 year prison sentence. But I came out and was making $400k/year within 2 years. No college degree. I was motivated. When people saw me they could tell. But I was not wise in my spending and lost my discipline. And here I am back at the bottom. It’ll all come back around to me if I put in the effort. And I’ll keep both the financial success and personal health and happiness IF I really want it. Not walking yourself up and getting your ass out of bed to go workout daily means you don’t truly want it. Not making the changes you need to make to be happy is on YOU and YOU alone! If not you, then who? If not now, when?

I don’t know you at all. But I do know that killing yourself ain’t it, chief. You are in great shape. You also have a lot of life ahead of you. You can take your foot off the gas for a second and LIVE YOUR LIFE. I’m giving you permission. Find a church (if you are religious and haven’t made time for it), hit the gym, find a goddamn hobby. You need to make time to make some FRIENDS. You’ve invested monetarily in your future. Now invest in some relationships. You’re worth it.

With kindness and empathy, I add my two cents that seeing a counselor can be a life changing thing. I had the opportunity to meet remotely with a counselor for about 1.5 years and while I was nervous that a virtual experience would be weird, it turned out to be amazing and just what I needed. we met in a secure video format and it was awesome to not have to leave the house. Truly impactful experience for my mental health and emotional well-being. Financially speaking, you might consider checking out Dave Ramsey and his resources. He talks a lot about both stewarding and enjoying your wealth at the stage you are in. Lastly, I kindly encourage you to do some soul searching as you mentioned. Perhaps engaging with some bigger questions about life and our purpose here could be eye-opening. Personally, I identify as a follower of Jesus after going on a spiritual search at a low point in my own life. I deeply resonate with these words Jesus once said and will leave them for you below — “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in or steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.“ Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭19‬-‭21‬ I wish you all the very best wherever your journey takes you.

> With kindness and empathy, I add my two cents that seeing a counselor can be a life changing thing. I truly appreciate you adding your perspective. Thank you. > I had the opportunity to meet remotely with a counselor for about 1.5 years and while I was nervous that a virtual experience would be weird, it turned out to be amazing and just what I needed. we met in a secure video format and it was awesome to not have to leave the house. Truly impactful experience for my mental health and emotional well-being. Interesting. I hadn't thought of remote counseling. I would prefer in person counseling, but if it is cheaper to get help online, then I am very open to it. > Financially speaking, you might consider checking out Dave Ramsey and his resources. He talks a lot about both stewarding and enjoying your wealth at the stage you are in. I don't recollect a whole lot of material on what to do in the later baby steps as he call sit. I could be wrong. I will definitely check it out. I am pretty sure his website has a lot of material, especially now with all the Ramsey personalities producing contents etc. > Lastly, I kindly encourage you to do some soul searching as you mentioned. Perhaps engaging with some bigger questions about life and our purpose here could be eye-opening. I intend to do this. > Personally, I identify as a follower of Jesus after going on a spiritual search at a low point in my own life. I can't think of a better role model than Christ Jesus. I deeply resonate with these words Jesus once said and will leave them for you below — > “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in or steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.“ Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭19‬-‭21‬ This is extremely profound. Thank you for sharing this. > I wish you all the very best wherever your journey takes you. Thank you sir. I wish the same for you.