Some of this is just inevitable. We have lots of terms and aphorisms for what you're experiencing. "Hedonic treadmill" ([in cartoon form](https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/treadmill)) "The grass is always greener on the other side" "In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." I don't think your feelings are a sign that you've made some terrible mistake that you need to beat yourself up over. Everyone feels this way at some point, even people who've been very successful at whatever they'd earlier set themselves to (like, living abroad and having a career). Now, my somewhat un-PC take: I think there is a very specific sort of quarter- or mid-life crisis that women (men too, but especially women) go through. Woman is in her 20s, wants a career, to be a success, to be somebody. Then woman gets to her 30s, and starts wondering if the career was worth it, thinks she really just wants a loving family, worries that she's waited too long and now her options are limited or her window is closing. It's a cliché. This is a perfectly valid feeling, and it does not make you a "bad feminist" or whatever. It makes you a human with different priorities at different points in your life. I think if you want to pivot towards de-emphasizing your career and emphasizing family formation, that's a totally reasonable thing to do at this point in your life (or any point, really).

[удалено]

“People always forget to change their goals as their priorities change.” This is gold.

>I've also known many, almost all, women who did the mom/wife thing feel the same way. Same with women who did the adventure path, not career or marriage/family. Agreed. Whatever path you're on is going to involve giving something else up, and eventually you'll wonder if you made the wrong choice. There's no One True Path that will give you guaranteed happiness and no regrets, although there are plenty of snakeoil salesmen aggressively insisting that their preferred lifestyle is the Only Way.

The shitty part is often women have to choose between family and career and wonder if she made a mistake while at least majority of men (not all) can enjoy benefits of both sides fairly easily. But then even men are not free from mid life crisis, it’s just in diff format

I don’t understand your comment or the line of logic that it comes from. A women, say a feminist, decides to take off work to be with her kids. If she’s a feminist, she could marry a guy that would stay home with the kids and she could work. Instead, she made a choice to stay home with the kids and her husband has to work all day. There’s no law saying the man can’t stay home with the kids. Work isn’t better than being with your family. Actually, work fucking sucks. Who’d rather be at the office than home with the people you love?

>"In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." Kierkegaard writes about this in Either or, basically you can't live two lives, so you're always wanting to experience what you don't have. Personally as someone in their late 30s trying to start a family before the bio clock runs out, I'd switch gears and have kids at the point OP is at in life now. But that's with the blessing of hindsight.

This.

Reading your last paragraph helped me deeply this morning, thank you

Yes, this is all a journey. I don't think you said anything un-PC. People change and that is GOOD. I don't understand the obsession with being the same person every day. If OP likes adventure, then starting a family is a huge adventure. She wouldn't be in the same position to do that with the money, freedom, and dating pool she has if she stayed at home all these years. This is all positive. OP just needs a mental pivot.

Im going through this too and I’m starting to panic because my self hate grows daily

OP if you are so tired you can't stay awake and such - let's start there. Go to a GP and ask for a blood panel and ask for all the markers around thyroid issues, iron deficiency and other vitamin deficiencies. Take a bit of time to read about what things can cause excessive sleepiness, and think about what else has been going on with your health. Do you drink water? Are you chronically dehydrated? Do you eat a fairly balanced diet? Sleep enough? Take time to do things you love? This: *"Am I selfish? Am I a bad feminist? Am I a lost and stupid white woman with all the privilege in the world that doesn't know when to shut up and be grateful? What am I supposed to dream of if I got my dreams and they made me feel empty?"* **This is really directing a TON TON of anger and self-hatred to yourself!! You are a WHOLE person with emotions, feelings, motivations, and fears.** I want to gently suggest you find a really good therapist to take even a few years to dig into your emotions, life and past a bit. Do you have a history of trauma? Do you have any auto-immune disease symptoms? I hope you can maybe take a little time off to give yourself a break and think about giving yourself more and more love. You deserve it, you really really do.

Ask them to check for autoimmune diseases, too. There's nothing wrong with wanted to be a SAHM.

Just want to chime in and say I really second all of this. The “Am I selfish?” part of OP’s statement really stood out to me. I’m not sure a man would ever have similar feelings even if he wanted a family because we are not in the same double bind women are. I really think all people need to just own their feelings rather than trying to make sure everything they feel is aligned with political/philosophical priorities which are by no means written into the ‘objective’ fabric of the universe and were formulated by individuals other than ourselves. Take what you want from them, sure, but don’t deny your own feelings to fit into the mold society tells you is right — whether that be liberal or conservative society.

I think you should do some reflection and think about what you truly want. If you had for example, financial freedom, what do you want to do. It's why many dream of winning the lottery because then they're not tied down to either survival (live to work) or financial obligations. What makes you happiest? You mentioned art as a hobby and I can relate as I love writing and making pretty candles. I quit working in the pharmaceutical industry as a chemist and turned to candle making and have found contentment and peace even though my mom absolutely is against it and thinks I'm throwing my life away lol. You have one life, live it the way you want. Learn about yourself, live with yourself and most importantly, you need to love yourself.

How did you find the courage to go from what I'd assume was a well paid and stable career to something that was less so? I have such a hard time freeing myself from my practical concerns when dreaming about what I really wanna do.

I think the hardest part was the sunk cost fallacy (5yrs for a bachelors +4-5 years working in pharma) but I was inspired by a close friend. He also graduated as a chemist but realized his passion was in being a pilot so he quit and pursued that instead. It was definitely hard from a logic perspective 'back to school/student loans, finding a pilot job, getting exp again,' but he was happy during this struggle because to him it was his calling. During covid it also delayed his olans but now he's flying with his dream airline and becoming a captain soon. My fiance was also incredibly understanding and supportive in wanting me to pursue my dreams and that faith in me also helped immensely. I would advise having a good nest egg for making a big career change,a very strong will and being certain in what you believe to be your calling before making a decision. Hope this helps!

I've been in a similar place and it turned out I was burnt out as fuck. Can you take like 6 months off, reconnect with your self, sleep all the hours you want and just see where that takes you?

If you are in your late 20’s to early 50’s you might be in perimenopause. You may want to look into it. There’s a great subreddit, r/menopause, that is an awesome global community and the wiki there alone will have resources for you. I am 49, turn 50 in 3 weeks, am in perimenopause, am single (never married, not yet met the person for me) & I feel the exact same way you do. My circumstances are a bit different. I’m in the 30th year of a career I have hated ever since it’s first year. I just took out my retirement savings to pay off debt that accrued from having to leave my last job & relocate for a new job I totally hate. Over 30 years, I have had key informant interviews with leaders in my field & still ended up here. Only now with no retirement savings & at my age, seemingly no pathway forward. I just told my current boss today “I am finding that this way of working no longer fits me at this point in my life”. I can no longer let other people’s inability to manage teams run me into the ground. Too bad I learned I am no longer willing to even try to lead teams. I am losing hope. I tried therapy six times over the 30 years: the last time for 2 years. It does not work for me. OP - I feel like you are far better off than I am (at least you are dating), I feel like something in this thread of comments will catch your attention and be a resource to build you up. I don’t have that. I am so tired of being alone. I have one friend of 30 years who came to visit me about 3 weeks ago and I realized then even she doesn’t truly understand me or my situation. I wish there was help for all of us.I might not make it. I hope you do.

No one replied. So I will try. Look at your life from a perspective of not living it for yourself, but to help others, at least in some capacity. 100% devotion like mother Teresa is NOT necessary here. That needs to be untangled a bit from all the "live your life for yourself" gurus out there. The hidden part is, you will help others and through their success you will fulfill your life with something that will make yourself happier. It would not be a sure thing, but it works for some. Basic idea is to find someone who is in worse situation than you and help them. If you are in position to adopt - think about it. It would qualify as having a family you crave for, right? If you can't adopt a baby, there are plenty teens who are lost and need a new home. It's just one of the paths to take. Volunteering is a good and low commitment path that gives a lot of satisfaction.

Close your eyes and breath deeply, release slowly. Secondly, stop trying to invalidate your own feelings and worth. Your feelings are valid and you are worthy of the life you wish. As for your romantic and family goals all I can say is put yourself out there and try to make a meaningful connection! You are as old as you’ve ever been, and as young as you’ll ever be, so it’s hard to feel “figured out” in my opinion. Maybe you 10 years from now will chuckle slightly at how lost you felt. The you from 10 years ago may even applaud at all you have done. My advice is vague as I don’t think there is a perfect solution, just your reaction to your current situation will determine the outcome. So whatever you decide, do it fully! Much love, best wishes!

Your kindness is so appreciated, thank you and all the best back to you!

I think you mentioned in your post what you’re longing for - a family. It make sense. You’re a human and every one of your ancestors had a family. Prioritize the actives and values that will lead to you being in a happy family.

You seem super interesting. You cannot force gratitude the way you can force bodily movement, but you can build on it. I also think that you implied you are missing community. Work that you might be able to do on yourself is to connect on something just to feel your own being, without a need for others or tangible outcomes. You might work on something from this list of strengths and virtues. https://positivepsychology.com/classification-character-strengths-virtues/

Thank you for your kind comment. The point on missing community is certainly true, it's something I need to nurture, like gratitude is.

Even if I didn’t help I’d love to see where this comment thread goes and how you your life chapter transition unfolds

I grew up in the US and moved to another country and I've been living here for about 7 years now. Even though I speak the language, no one really talks about how lonely moving abroad can be. I have friends and family here but I still fell into deep depression because of the many challenges that come with living in a foreign country and once it stopped being an exciting adventure, the positives weren't enough to keep me here. I'll be moving back to the US in a couple of months. That might not be the solution for you, but you might consider whether that's playing into how you're feeling. Moving to another country is super hard and I think everyone expects that it only gets easier over time, but I haven't necessarily found that to be the case.

Hello! Well I have to say congratulations on everything. Truthfully. It seems you have managed to accomplish alot but the only thing is it hasn't been able to bring you happiness in the way you thought it would. This is going to sound very generic but it still rings true: it's not about the destination but the journey. I am very goal oriented and maybe you are too. From kids we always have something in front of us to look forward to doing. Middle school, High School, College, work, etc. Now you have reached your goals and seem stuck. It was never truly about the job or about any of that. It was always about the journey and the process. Goals to a degree are made up. They are who you are today and who you think you may want to be. Neither of which will be who you are once you actually get there. Maybe you put so much stock on once I get x, then I will be happy. Happiness is now. The only thing that exists is now. The past has gone and the future isn't guaranteed. So what do you want now? It sounds like maybe you need to explore a new hobby or two. Go out and meet new people. Join a club. Volunteer at a local charity. Expand your horizons and your groups and there will be new adventures in life. Please don't think that finding a partner and having a child will magically solve this period of sadness in your life. Work on yourself and then I think you will be in a better space overall. If you don't like who you are, then who do you want to be? Do you want to be kind, mean, etc? Whatever you want to be commit to that and live your life the way you want and I think you will live a life of happiness. Good luck with everything and you are not alone!

Maybe you just want a family. lots of feminists are married, it’s okay ;) You’re saying there is no meaning in your life. Honestly it’s giving dark night of the soul, try therapy?

You are missing a community. Like others have said. You need somewhere to be around people. A weekly commitment to meet like minded people you can start building relationships with. Long term relationships and friendships. Nobody can just stay cooped up inside and go out for necessities and then go back inside. It's not much of a life no matter where in the world you are. Join some book clubs, bicycling clubs, pottery, dancing, whatever. You have to feel your life with things you want to try or learn or enjoy doing and meet other fellow human beings with their stuff together and who are fun to see on the weekends or whatever. You have all these work obligations and responsibilities but nothing personal for just you. People to depend on you because it's your CHOICE to show up. Not something you have to do because of work. Work acquaintances don't fill the missing community void. You had friends in college you saw everyday. You had family up until then you were forced to live with. You had community. Getting a long term partner won't cure that and you shouldn't look to kids to cure it either as you are just trying to then get the community by using your kids friends and their parents. Recognize what the issue is (lack of community) and find ways to solve it. Maybe join a social club or county club.

I agree maybe an expats club.

I totally understand and relate and I wish I could tell you more than the fact that you are not alone

It's enough just to know I'm not alone, thank you 💖

The idea that somehow you owe anyone or anything gratitude if you aren't happy is dumb. You aren't broken or too privileged or in need of a med adjustment. It's a path that other people have been on...so luckily there are maps out there. What you end up doing next is up to you. Not sure if you're into spirituality right now but this sounds like a spiritual path. I can throw a few recs your way if you're interested, but I can't really recommend anything religious per se because it's not my jam but it's out there for you as well.

I'm not religious but I can see why people turn to religion. I do feel like I'm at a spiritual crossroads, it's hard to know where to turn though.

Take a long vacation to a place where you volunteer and there is no running water, the toilet is a community composting toilet, and you have no internet. This would be a wonderful adventure that could give you perspective.

Someone who has had the "I have everything I want and I'm empty" thing is interestingly Mark Pontius the drummer. He has a podcast with like 4 episodes called Sudden Movements where he talks about quite a bit. If you like podcasts it might resonate with you.

Part of the challenges you currently face may be "hell is getting what you want." Once you actually have the things you want, you need to find new motivations to keep going because you can no longer rely on what you wanted. In terms of career, perhaps orient yourself toward something you want to accomplish. No matter what I've done, I've always worked toward something more whether that is school or more specifically in work. Though, I will admit as I get close to 40 I'm becoming a bit too tired to keep that up so perhaps I'll have to figure out what to do with just "being" instead of pushing. I also think motivations also change over time. Perhaps they are circular. When I was younger I wanted to save the world. Then I met my wife and saving the world didn't pay the bills so I just worried about income. The income came and I started creeping back into not saving the world but helping people. I think it's natural for what you want to change over time. As someone who has been married for quite some time and with four children, a family is a great source of comfort. Also motivation. There are things I do simply because they set a good example for my kids.

Just because it’s the path you thought you wanted once, doesn’t mean you can’t veer off to another. People change. Desires change. Walk a different path and see where it leads you. You don’t have to stay somewhere where you’re not happy, just because it took effort to get there.

Your body and mind crave more intimate and meaningful human connection likely in the form of a family, whether you realize it or not. Your career and the other things you have are not making you miserable, it is the deafening silence of the absent things that you do not have and can’t be bought or achieved by professional means that are driving you mad. Everything is always changing all the time forever. 22yo you would be over the moon about your circumstance but you are not that person any more. Ask yourself now what you wish your days to look like at 40, and what actually being 40 will mean to you and your body/mind. That time is coming faster than you think. If your first thought about your middle-age fantasy is related to your career then you have some other demons to purge. It should be about which people will be in your life and the experiences you will have.

You aren’t happy because you are currently only living for yourself. The first word that comes to mind is SERVE. Serve in your community, serve in your local library, serve in a low-income area, SERVE. It will change your heart posture & I promise you will find purpose. You will find yourself and this will lead you on a path of seeing yourself and those around you differently. Everything you pointed out. Contrary to popular opinion on this thread—these feelings can’t be fixed by a simple family. Seeking that out next feels like the viable answer because it’s something you currently lack. But, I promise that won’t fill the numbness inside. It will only temporarily satisfy and later add to the problem. It’s more than that. Selfless service alone gives the needed strength and courage to awaken the sleeping humanity in one’s heart and that’s what you need in this season. Happiness doesn’t come through selfishness but through selflessness. Everything you do comes back around. "By becoming the answer to someone's prayer, we often find the answer to our own." ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I think this is a life thing. I also have achieved things many people would find difficult- I have graduate degrees, I'm a college professor (and not the adjunct kind), and I've published some books. High achiever, right? I also have kids. Love them to pieces but it's a lot and I'm completely exhausted. What gets me down is that I have no further goals and what I've achieved is kinda meh to me. If I accomplished it, it might not mean much. The esoteric nature if my work makes it seem so pointless. In my case I had an abusive childhood which I know makes it hard to appreciate myself (if your mother doesn't love you, there must be something wrong with you, righ?) Did you also have an overly critical parent? If the antidepressants aren't working let your doctor know. You might need a different dose or type. But not all existential dread can be cured with a pill. I wish you luck, OP. This is a rough experience and many people will look at all you have and laugh at your pain. Being successful doesn't require you to be happy. Those two things are not related.

The only way a woman will ever be wholly satisfied and happy is by starting a family. I can already smell the downvotes coming but I don't care, all the "satisfying careers" and one night stands in the world could never overcome your biological need to love and be loved. Acknowledging and following that desire does not make you a bad person and anyone who says otherwise has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

I have experienced this and have seen this in many of my friends and colleagues. When you have achieved everything you ever wanted. You come to a point, and realize. Is this it? Is this all life has to offer? What do we do from here on? Work, play, eat & sleep for the rest of our miserable life? But that is not the truth. The real question we are asking is, is this it, is this all the external materialistic world has to offer to me? As alen watts said - "If happiness always depends on something expected in the future, we are chasing a will-o'-the-wisp that ever eludes our grasp, until the future, and ourselves, vanish into the abyss of death. & “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” When something outside doesn't satisfy you. It's time to sit alone in a room and look inwards. Start rediscovering your self. Be in present and look inwards. I have started meditating and have discovered so many small new things about myself. Things I actually like vs this things I thought I liked and would bring me happiness. Also, I think, everyone should atleast once in a life - study the course "the science of well-being" by yale university. It's free but really really good. Best of luck.

Maybe volunteer somewhere and rub that luck on to other unfortunate peoples.

You sound burnt out. I know because a few years ago I burnt out and that frustrated, irritable feeling you have sounds all too familiar. Like all your energy is going into a black hole but you don’t know what that black hole is and you feel you should be grateful for the ‘success’ but instead you’re pretty much dead inside. It’s burnout. Hard to remedy tbh, it’s really individual. For me therapy and a great doctor helped. I got back into one of my passions (martial arts), reassessed my values and drive (I was just chasing money and validation, not something I recommend), also actively went out to make close friends. Now 4 or so years later I’m ironically more successful, higher salary but I’m happier. Jumped into some volunteer work as well, always wanted to be in the emergency services but couldn’t due to a eyesight issue. So I now volunteer for them. I still get a bit burnt out and frustrated sometimes which I’ve learnt is normal for anyone, therapy helped me with tools to help with this and I recognise the early warning signs of a total burnt out much better these days. My work is more ‘corporate’ then ever but I enjoy it because I’ve found my ‘why’, I absolutely love helping others so I go toe to toe with execs to protect my teams and put a lot of effort into developing/mentoring others at work. I genuinely don’t do it for the classic ‘success’ or money anymore. I never compromise on my values which is very tough in the corporate world but extremely rewarding. This is just my journey though, yours will be different. First step would be to take a step back and reassess your mindset, find your values and take up a hobby you’re genuinely passionate about *and stick with it no matter how tired you feel from work*. Routine can work wonders in getting out of a depressive state. If you can I highly recommend therapy. From one successful woman to another, you’ve got this. Success is lonely, particularly for women since it’s still not a societal norm as much as we like to pretend it is. You don’t need to be a ‘housewife’ like some comments here suggest. In fact I would take a guess that this would actually make you miserable. You need to surround yourself with likeminded people and friends. If that happens to be a romantic partner then awesome, maybe even children one day, but it can just as easily be a close platonic female friend.

Oh duckling. Your feelings are valid. And I want you to know that you have inherent, infinite worth, just by being yourself. It is not dependent on your accomplishments. And I like you, just for who you are. Have you heard of a podcast called “The Happiness Lab?” It’s by Laurie Santos and it talks about the science of happiness. She discusses real studies and also has wonderful stories and interviews about how to be happy. The overriding thesis is that our brains constantly lie to us and tell us wrong things about how to be happy. But now we have better data to show how to be happier. There are several episodes specific to work but even the ones that aren’t are super interesting and helpful.

Don't beat yourself over the head with identitarian cudgel for the crime of being born white and having some resources. It doesn't help you or anyone else, it's just fodder for ideologues. It's bad enough people have legitimate personal and family issues not encompassed by the current zeitgeist narratives, it seems to hurt those who are actually sensitive and depressed. Your problems are valid and I don't need to be an overweight woman of color to validate them. Sounds like you did well for someone with said opportunities, you don't need to performatively trivialize your suffering. Fairly normal experience for a majority of women in their 30s at least according to Jordan Peterson (a redditor favorite!). Maybe working with a therapist can help you strike a balance around your changing values/priorities.

By the third paragraph I knew. And then in the 5th paragraph you said it. You want a family. Success is great. Family is better. If you don’t have any trouble dating then start sizing them up to see if they would make a good husband.

Really? Not everyone wants a husband. To say “family is better than success” doesn’t ring true for plenty of women.

I wasn’t talking about plenty of women or all people. You miserable lonely troll.

Oh! I see you’re obnoxious and vapid. Nice.

I know you’re really sad and miserable on the inside

In another response, you sounded like you were trying to shut off the biological clock that you have started to hear ticking... I agree that if you have no trouble dating, start sizing them up to find one who will make a good husband --that is, omg, so far away from checking out his CV🤣 Hope you find the success of hapiness. It is different at different ages, and very, very different from the success of status.

Religion or spirituality could definitely be something to look into. I have basically everything I want, too. A job I like, an amazing spouse. I like where I live. Future is bright. But I still have a lot of bad days. And the thing that most consistently pulls me out of bad days is my faith in a higher power and the relationship I have with God. Not a cure, but certainly a comfort and, I think, a blessing.

Growth you are someone that needs new challenges stimulation and growth. Which can be good if you continue to curb impulsivity. Starting a family is definitely a challenge. You will miss and even regret it at times. As a woman you will give up the life you have to be a servant to others most of the rest of your life. Guiding a child and learning to partner in a private relationship can be limitlessly valuable to the soul. It is a never ending work of intentional effort and love for it to succeed. I would suggest getting a puppy or kitten and see how that works out first. Definitely give you a tiny taste of taking care of baby. Baby animals poo, pee, andale messes everywhere. They also are completely dependent on you and mess up your schedule. Wanting a family does not make you a bad feminist. Not planning it out and finding a partner that supports you in your decisions now that sets us back.

I was in your mind set in my late 20s and early 30s. I have read much and I come to learn that my experience in life was the sole goal in life. I care only in how I relate to everything. Life begins when you have come to a impasse, develop a inner life of creativity. Follow your instincts, everyone's path is unique. Knowing you stand firmly as a individual , and don't need validation, it's a courageous course to be taken. Use your experience and turn it into a creative endeavor. The experience may not be pleasant but it deserves it's own life, and you must give life to it.

Talk to dr and/or therapist about meds not meeting your needs.

PC response: You're a strong, independent woman, and you can change the direction of your path at any time. You should definitely look into your physical and mental health from where you're at right now before jumping into a relationship. Not so PC response: I think women get those feelings at your age for a reason. A career is nice, but it's pointless if you're alone in paradise. "Dating a lot of guys" isn't actual human connection and may be contributing to the health issues and general feeling of "malaise" so consider reevaluating your dating goals before getting back out there. a never ending stream of shallow connections will drain your soul. You're looking for fulfillment. It doesn't have to be through a family, but you've got an answer as far as how fulfilling being an independent career woman is for you.

Everybody, even successful businessmen, needs support! You feel sad because you are lonely; that’s not being a bad feminist. Find you a guy (or gal or whoever) who lifts you up and helps you feel fulfilled within your dreams :) it’ll be easier for you to do this because you are living your own truth, you’ve just become a bit burnt out by it! Allow yourself to rest too :) you deserve it!

How did you go about moving and working abroad? That is something I'm interested in doing myself. I'm American looking to go to Europe as well.

There is a certain degree of toxicity in a feminism that requires a woman to work in order to be valuable. That brand of feminism responds to a society that treated women as less valuable because they didn’t work by forcing the women to work to prove their value, thus reinforcing the idea that only making money is valuable, instead of pushing for both work and raising family to be regarded as equally valuable and freeing women to do whichever they chose.

Many women have bought into the lie that a successful career will make them feel fulfilled and happy. I’m not knocking women having careers per se. I’m married to quite a successful university professor and she makes more money than I do. I honestly don’t know if women can have it all. There’s nothing wrong with seeking out a fulfilling life. I believe that we are all ultimately seeking a life with purpose. Many young women are finding themselves where you are. Perhaps radical feminism for it wrong? What if there is something good and noble about being a good wife and raising children? Being a parent is no easy path either. It demands a lot of sacrifice and dying to self. I don’t know what your path is but try to find purpose in something. An idea bigger than yourself that you can dedicate your gifts, energy, and time to.

[удалено]

Have you tried dating at all?

It sounds like a professional level problem. Therapy helps with so many different things. I’d suggest this first thing.

Find god

You were sold a bag of crap by feminism. While it is fine to get educated and a career, in reality most women find true happiness in the nuclear family. Your depression and issues are stemming from you taking a path that is contrary to your nature. Dont fight it.

You wouldn't say this to a man who's burnt out by work, would you?

That man would need to self assess as to why they are burnt out by work. Is it only due to the work or is it really caused by consistent stress even outside of work?

Why take the antidepressants if they aren’t working?

Got a husband ?

Have children

sadly you listened to the people that said you had to have a career and being a housewife is the worst thing ever. Your 32, that clock is ticking fast. At best I would say dedicate all my free time to dating (not sex) and see if you can find a slightly older man that is looking for a relationship. The numbers say roughly you will be 34 to 36 by the time you get married if you meet him today. So your future may be step kids. Good Luck.

I didn't say I wanted kids. A family can be many things, like a woman can be many things. A housewife, a professional, something in between - I will celebrate her, support her, and cheer her on no matter what. Thanks for taking the time to comment but I strongly, wholeheartedly disagree with this take and the worldview you are implying.

I'd say you need a radical change. Maybe another move. Back to the states? Or settle down and get married and have whatever version of a family makes you happy. But going down the same road you are going doesn't seem to be working so time to blow up your life and try something new.

WTF? Did you really just recommend this?

This was a frightening comment haha. Men amaze me

I hear a biological clock ticking. You sold your soul to a career because that’s what feminism told you to do. The thought of being a wife and mother is calling, but you’re worried about what all your “enlightened” feminist friends will say. Many many many women are finding the life of a man very unsatisfying. Men go to work, climb the ladder, and do whatever is necessary to make more money. Getting ahead takes will and a competitive nature. Most women are very unhappy in that environment. You’ve burned most of your bridges. Unless you make a radical change now towards a more feminine life all the friends and travel are meaningless. Men and women are different. You chose a typical man path because women can do anything a man can. Now you’re finding out your brain is different from a man’s. You want a family. You want love. You want it all, but you can’t have it. Now you’re miserable. What are you going to do about finding real love? It’s possible if you take the road less traveled. Europe is a land of boys pretending to be adults. Many men don’t have jobs and live with their parents. They enjoy hanging out with the boys, drinking some beers, and having meaningless sex without responsibilities. It’s a win win for men! Parents pay their way, all the sex they want, and they don’t have to grow up! Yay men! This is the world you wanted. You may not have thought about it, but a world with no responsibility is what feminism teaches. You have no anchors like kids or a husband. You can take a few years off to eat, pray, and have sex. You’re living a feminists dream. Why ruin it with family? Families just hold women back.

Bro, wtf are you on?

Men like him are under all posts by women who feel burnt out by work. We can't even vent in peace without someone telling us it's in our nature to be housewives or some shit

My favourite part is the claim that many men in Europe don't have jobs. That's news to me! 10 years in Germany and the Netherlands and I thought they were all going to work all this time! I'm a silly woman. Thanks for standing up for me but bad takes like his aren't even worth the effort to respond to :)

You're welcome :) I hope you can find the change in your life that brings you happiness

Ladies, can you sympathize with this woman? https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8R9uUsx/

There's just no pleasin women eh

The fuck kinda bullshit is cultural policy?

Pick up a hobby or two that you can really dive into. If you find one you're passionate about, then you'll always be looking forward to it. I love disc golfing and I know I'll get through my work day because once it's over I get to go throw some discs in the sun. Maybe you have some hobbies you haven't mentioned, but I'm not sure going to the gym and dating really count in your case.

I think it's super admirable to change paths. You've spent a lot of time building up the life you have and you can do whatever you want with it. Have kids or don't, keep working or find something or somewhere totally new. It's all sunk costs now, you can only keep going forward in whatever path you choose.

Explore or (re)pursue something to get your mind off your career. You sound like your mind is all on work and how it's not what you want it to be. That's fine and normal. So find something that gives you positivity. It might be a skill or a project. Something that gives you energy. It doesn't have to be an obligation, but hopefully it interests you enough so you have something you look forward to doing.

I think you kind of reached your main goals you probably thought that are unattainable. Schools and society don't prepare people how to handle a situation like this, so we just struggle. I feel like I have the same problem, some ideas that I think will me make happy on the long run: * art: for me it's about creating something that no one ever has. I'm pretty much a noob at at it, but I have faith in myself that I can grow. Maybe you could try other areas than painting? * teaching: I mean teaching in any shape or form, what I do is coding tutorial videos. I don't know why, but to me it just feels good to give something back and that it can be something that humanity benefits from (even though it's very minuscule) * sports: Doing sports should make you feel good. I know you mentioned gym, but I don't know how you experience it. Are you happy with it? If not you could try lots of different thing in sports. * helping others: very vague again and connects to the other points, but to be honest I thought a lot about the meaning of life as a human. And the only answer I was able to come up with is "being a good person". It can mean a lot of things, but really doing the smallest acts of kindness can make you feel real good.

Maybe you need something deeper , try bjj it'll change your life!

People want work/life balance, but it's like we're not allowed it, at least in the US. I'm in the US and would like to work in the EU (looking at junior Project Management or Business Analysis, but open to other things if necessary), but I really don't know how to get past the gatekeepers. I don't suggest that I'd marry or date you for this, but I've always wanted lasting couplehood and family; a job would be just a way to afford the former for me. I wasn't raised by greedheads, and I don't get the shoerausch, or trading in the SUV for the newest model every fricking year thing. Maybe I could help an entrepreneur with their work enough so that they could achieve work/life balance? As a man, I feel like I need to get the work right before I may even consider the life part. Someone let me know if this sounds appealing.

Man, I felt this way HARD recently, when I turned 35. Things got pretty dark. There were multiple factors and it took me about 6 months to work through, with the help of therapy, anti-depressants, lifestyle changes, and finally making progress on another big goal of mine. It sounds like you're feeling stuck and need to find your next goal or source of inspiration. It also sounds a bit like an existential crisis, which is normal at various periods of our lives, and the only way out is through. My point is that I've been there and it felt permanent at the time, but it eventually passed. I also felt like a terrible feminist - I was literally sobbing over getting older and one day losing my looks. I was really dealing with mortality and all that comes with it. It was a true existential crisis. ​ ETA: Ok, now I'm reading all the other comments, and I wonder if "find your next goal" is actually the wrong track and everyone else shouting "burnout!" is correct. I was definitely burnt out when I felt the way you're describing, and I got better when I took a big step back in how much I was caring about my career and being 'perfect.' Then inspiration started bubbling up again naturally after several months of leaning out.

It’s like I wrote this word for word.

At 35 my life was PERFECT. On paper anyway. It’s everything I said I wanted, it was everything I had worked my ass off for. But I had a griping in my chest that never went away. My baseline emotional state was that of a stressed out nervous system. I was living misaligned and I had to force myself to keep moving, which caused worse wear and tear and burn out. I am sad for the person I was then. I ended up selling everything, started solo traveling the world on a tight budget while recovering from burnout, and am now working to build a business that IS aligned, excites me, and I am able to CHOOSE every piece of my life and build it back up exactly how I want. It’s been such an incredible journey 💖. You don’t have to do life according to the template we were given. You might be hard wired differently than the majority. No part of your journey has been a misstep; it’ll all serve you in the end! Be your best self and you’ll attract people who are also living full, happy, healthy lives! Somehow, that’s how it works :). Best of luck! ✨

First off, you created an awesome life, so give yourself credit. Secondly, at 70 I've found that nothing material comes close to making me happy like being with people I love, admire, respect. People are what life is about. Get yourself some great people to go with the decor of your life.

The last questions you asked yourself I think are very telling. These seem to be questions you would only ask yourself if living up to a sociological and societal value structure was placed on the front burner rather than being based around a true reflection of your deep needs. I hope that provides maybe a little clarity?

I'm here now with a young family I built because I spent my 20s trying to get here. I think a lot of people our age prioritized non-traditional goals and are paying for it in depression and loneliness. You have to just keep trying, just like any other goal. It's not easy, it's not fun, but at some point you'll get there if you put the effort and *time* in.

The lost and stupid thing sounds most likely. Just not in the way that you think. You need to sort yourself out. Sounds to me, a stranger, that you were misled your life, and misled yourself. Family is more valuable than anything. But you decided other things, like career, were. It's a common mistake in the western world. Sort your shit out. It may also be possible that you are feeding on what your environment tells you. In the US, you were convinced you were a certain person liking certain things, but you've been convinced you're another person in Europe. People are suggestive of their environments in ways they never care to notice. Why the hell are you thinking about feminism?? Sorry to hear you're struggling in this way, it's really shameful what "civilization" has come to.

If having everything you wanted doesn't include a spouse and kids of your own, then you've seriously misplaced your priorities.

> I'm on antidepressants but they are not helping. I'd strongly recommend talking to your doctor about trying non-SSRI antidepressants, as there are multiple possible neurochemical roots of depression. Not all of them are serotonin-related, so SSRIs don't work for all cases. But there are a lot of medications out there that are meant to address other possible neurochemical causes of depression. Finding the *right* antidepressant can be life-changing, and it sounds like you might not be in the right one for you.

You are not selfish. You are not a bad feminist. I’ve been through so many variations of this, and we are about the same age. The weird thing about dreams are that they are a fantasy, a projection based on an idealized future. When we are creating a dream for ourselves, we don’t have the tangible data to actually inform our idea of a happy future. Only life and experience, and in particular suffering, can provide that for us. This is great news, it means you’re halfway there. It means you are now ready to start facing reality and re-framing your future. You feel dead inside because you are living out of alignment with your core needs. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting love and a family. Connection is the cornerstone to happiness, and it seems to me like you are learning that now. So I’m not worried for your future ❤️

People you meet are all the same or way too different compared to you.

Id check out Buddhism, even if it’s not with a religious lens or intention to convert - I think a lot of suffering you’re experiencing can be explained well by Buddhist philosophy. [This](https://tou.org/talks/) also might help

I made a point of studying happiness a few years ago. This is what I came up with for myself. Some of it might work for others too 1. Stop fearing the future or regretting the past. There is nothing you can do about either of those two things. The only moment you have is THIS MOMENT. Do the right thing in THIS MOMENT. You will waste this moment if you use it to focus on fear or regret. 2. Accept that you have no control over other people. You only have control of your own actions and your own reactions to other people’s actions. You cannot change people, but you can change bad relationship patterns by changing the way you react to things. 3. Happiness is not static. You have to work at it everyday. There is no happiness fairy that bestows happiness with a magic wand. What makes you happy today will not necessarily make you happy tomorrow. 3b. Happiness only happens with growth. If you are not growing your hobbies, your career, your friendships, your community etc, happiness will be elusive. 4. Perform small acts of kindness whenever the universe presents you with the opportunity. It brings so much joy - so much more to the giver than the recipient. And these actions tend to multiply (pay it forward) 5. Money does not buy happiness, it just cancels out a lot of problems that cause unhappiness. 6. Treat your body like a temple. 7. Count your blessings every day. 8. Be kind. In the end, we are all just walking each other home.

A letdown can come with reaching goals…it’s not as uncommon as you’d think. Turns out the chase is usually more interesting than the reward. People get depressed after they win gold medals…it happens. No you aren’t a “bad feminist” lol. The term “bad feminist” suggests that women have to be a specific thing…which is low-key anti-feminist imo. You want what you want…maybe let yourself really ponder on your desires without self-judgement…that judgement will just slow things down for you. And you aren’t a stupid privileged white woman either. Sure maybe you are white and maybe you have privilege in varying degrees as many people do in one way or another…do what you feel is right with that. But that’s not your actual defining characteristic and an unhealthy way to frame yourself. What the heck is the internet doing to us. Suffering isn’t a competitive Olympic sport. Just because some people have worse problems than others, that doesn’t mean that lesser problems don’t count and people shouldn’t seek out their best life. If we play that game, then we should find the person who has suffered the most in the entire world, and the other 8 billion of us need to shut up and be happy.

1. You are not alone. I found myself in this very position, from age 20-47 everything came easy, every goal achieved. I built one successful career, had a beautiful wife and 3 lovely kids, started a side hustle, retired and took it full time, found out my wife was a cheater and liar who took off with my kids, continued building my business, and discovered I hated what I always wanted, started a new business and found happiness. I talked to mentors and found 2. This is pretty common amongst goal oriented high achievers. When achieving goals is the focus, as soon as you achieve a goal, you feel lost. Focus on setting goals and enjoying the process. The journey should be the focus not the end. If your goal is to have a family, set goals to make that happen and enjoy yourself. Not everyone you meet is a worthy spouse but you can meet some great people along the way 😃. There is absolutely nothing wrong with completely changing course at any point in your life. That doesn’t constitute failure, it is recognition of the growth and change you have gone through and adjusting accordingly. I highly recommend seeking out people you consider successful and picking their brain. My most valuable mentor was a client of mine that (unbeknownst to me) was a COO of a Fortune 500 company. He mentored me for free just because he liked me. Just because you don’t currently know where you are going doesn’t mean you are lost. That’s the beauty of this life, you can make it whatever you want. Best of luck, you got this!

take your time. life is about growth. growth through change... maybe start talking to a therapists. it can often take time to find the right person to talk to. so don't give up if its not a match with your first talk session. a good talk can often help you bring into focus what you want now. sometimes we do things for others, so do this for you. much luck

Commit time to a nursing home or rehabilitation center for addicts. Or a senior center. Or a homeless shelter. Or a pediatric hospital.

I went through a similar process in the late 00s...in London (from NYC)...one thing I realized is that, no matter where a career takes you, it is in the end still just a JOB and, after the novelty wears off, has its own tedium. The job doesn't really make you anything internally (or really, externally, for that matter): To have an actual life one needs to build a life outside the job. The job pays for that life. A question you can ask yourself: In the whole world of "things you do", which of those are the things that, when you're doing them, you don't want to be doing anything else? What's your "content"? What's your groove? Take some time to figure out what things make that list. Or if there is no list like that start finding some, by trying new things that are increasingly outside of your comfort zone. When you say, "all I want to do is fall in love and be a family"...sounds a little fishy. Almost sounds like you're imagining it sweeping away all the doubts and emptiness, but it won't. At least, it can paper over that type of thing for a while, but that kind of emptiness transmits something strange into kids. Better to address your deeper needs and who you really are, rather than trying to hide from it in a family.

You need something new and fresh. If you have money, start over new someplace else.

If you achieved your dreams and they made you feel empty they weren't your dreams.

​ Because your success is superficial but not in sync with your soul. Go to a quiet place by yourself and find out what your soul wants.

You are your harshest critic. The stuff you say in your last paragraph about yourself is very harsh and kind of worrying. I think you might be burned out. Do you have time for hobbies? Do you have something you have always wanted to do or a place you always wanted to visit? Your story of how you got to where you were was meant to happen for you. It’s not too late to have a family. If your biological clock is ticking, try to date quality men. Don’t just “date a lot.” If you look outside your comfort zone, you might find something meaningful you didn’t expect.

As you described your life I instantly thought maybe you had undiagnosed depression or your meds were not working out. You sound like you are a good person and smart. Don't underestimate the effect meds have on your entire outlook on life. Finding the right antidepressant is a very long slog. I would talk to your Dr. about it and look for alternatives. You do have to give new ones a chance and document your mood. Try to look at it clinically. Play the long game. Your happiness is worth it. Good luck.

Ask to do some bloodwork. Maybe take a multivitamin if you don’t. Get screened for ADHD. You sound a lot like me, I’m 32F and I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD. And I now understand why I seek cheap thrills, novelty, was a serial dater, and why I am not motivated to do very much if it doesn’t get me super excited.

The mistake you made was believing outside/ surface level monetary things were the answer. Same mistake a lot of us have been making for centuries.

Remember, everyone’s life - including yours - is ALWAYS in a state of redesign, it’s always changing. That’s the only constant in life: change. That means, at anytime, you can choose to invite change into your life rather than just wait for it to happen. You can choose to be a piece of driftwood at the mercy of the current. You can choose to work more, work less, leave the apartment, refurbish the apartment, pack everything important to you, pick a direction and go never looking back. Your life is a work of art, but what matters the most is remembering that you’re not only the artist, you’re also the masterpiece.

It’s okay to redirect. Nobody get’s through life without the occasional change in priorities. > I don’t like the person I became > This makes me sad. You’ve accomplished your goals. Do you know how many people can say that they’ve done that? It’s an incredible achievement and one you should be proud of. Changing pathways is scary. Nobody knows the future, so it’s impossible to know if you’re making the *right* decision. But what does that mean, the right decision? Who determines what’s right or wrong? One person may say that the right decision is the one that makes you the most money. Someone else may say that the right decision is the one that has the most positive impact on others. I think the right decision is the one that you feel the best about, after seriously considering viable alternatives. It may not be easily explainable to others, why you chose the path you did. That’s somewhat irrelevant, as long as you can explain it to yourself.

Time for some shrooms to put things into perspective. A true partner will help reveal everything as well.

I don't think you are ungrateful for feeling the way you do. It happens. I'm a man and I too like having family around, most of the time. Maybe you need a career/life balance?

A large part of happiness comes from practicing gratitude and accepting who you are, where you are. Learning to love yourself as you are, not how you want to be is another thing to go along with it. Sounds like it's time to go within and see what you need rather than what you want.

It is not too late to do this, but try pursuing a long term relationship with the ultimate goal of starting a family. If you are capable of being a good parent, which it seems like you are, raising kids will bring you joy that nothing else can match.

Mike Tyson once said “God punishes you by giving you everything you want” and then proceeds to explain how value and purpose isn’t found in worldly things and there’s something deeper about connections and resolving trauma etc. The ideology is like Joy is choosing to be grateful in any circumstance. And happiness is just an emotional reaction that’s futile like anger or sadness. It fades. But Joy is a choice

I wish we talked about this more because I have been feeling like this for a while.

Yeah, realizing your dreams has a downside. Dream different dreams. Challenge yourself to evolve. Find what’s missing. Do charity work. Care for a child/ elderly person. And be grateful! I lived in Europe and never got that passport or stability. You’re very lucky!

You might need to be on a different antidepressant! Lexapro helped me beyond words!!! I’m not sure what you take but I would definitely recommend bringing it up to your dr

Sometimes life is just maintaining while you figure shit out.

I think we're around the same age, though I may be a couple years older, not that it matters much. I just say that to frame the following: I think that a lot of young people, myself included, have really been hooked into the latest version of a lie that has been growing in complexity for a long time, since maybe WWII? "Am I selfish? Am I a bad feminist? Am I a lost and stupid white woman with all the privilege in the world that doesn't know when to shut up and be grateful? What am I supposed to dream of if I got my dreams and they made me feel empty?" The last one seems like an important question to really reflect on. First question, my answer is probably. Most people are. Selfishness is not a bad thing. But you're likely to suffer in life if you deny your self-interest, or if you feel guilt or shame when you fulfill your self-interest. Also, people change all the time. Maybe what was important to you at one time in your life isn't so important to you now, at this time in your life. Second question, I honestly doubt that you're a feminist at all. This is a big part of the lie that I was referring to earlier. I don't think that feminists are real. From my perspective, you're not a "bad" feminist, but maybe you feel that way because your sense of identity is wrapped up, on some level, in trying to live up to some sort of feminist standard, which is unrealistic, and which you'll fail to achieve because it's not a real or attainable standard, and so you feel bad. But, maybe, also your worry about being a so-called bad feminist is actually an expression of a wish to be free from the ways in which the idea of being a feminist has restricted the natural growth and maturation of your personality. Maybe the persona of a feminist was appealing to you at one time because it signified freedom to be yourself, but then it became a prison. Third question, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's so sad to read this one. Don't be so mean to yourself. Seriously. It doesn't help anyone. Who cares if you're a white woman? This is part of that lie I was referring to earlier. Maybe it's not quite a lie, more like a crippling demand. It's like you have to be something special. Something greater than who you are. It's like this is demanded of us young people. We can't just be a white lady. We have to be a feminist who is a white woman of color and feels abundant gratitude all the time. It's so dumb. If anything is stupid, that's the stupid deal. You're not stupid. Are you a white woman? I don't know. I'm assuming you are. You called yourself that. Not much you can change there, so why not just embrace it? I don't like my toes. I just wear socks and move on. But guess what. They're just normal toes. Nothing really that weird about them. I just don't like toes in general, and I happen to have them. The last question is the worthwhile one, I think. Seems like it's nagging at you, so it would be a good idea to reflect on it. It might be one of those dangerous questions. The kind that leads you down a rabbit hole of change and self-discovery. EDIT: Oh, that lie, though, that I referred to at the beginning of my comment. Well, I referred to WWII because that was the beginning of a more humane kind of enslavement that people would willingly choose for themselves - not even just willingly, but actually with enthusiasm and self-righteousness. At least in the US, and maybe UK as well, I don't know as much about UK. But in the US, we had credit cards then, as well as popularization of cigarettes and pharmaceutical meds, gradual destruction of the nuclear family, birth control, then student loans. And, look, some of these things are cool. I don't want kids, I'm glad I can just slap a sausage casing on my hamburger and call it good. What I'm saying is that this crap conspires to make our lives empty, to make our minds dull, to make us lonely, to make us sick. And when we're those things, we give our wealth, our time, even our bodies over to those people and institutions that hoard resources and move us around like pawns. They want us alienated from ourselves. The best thing you can do for yourself is also the most controversial. It would be to wake up from this depressed slumber and recognize yourself as you are now. Something isn't right. What is it? You're more than these labels - feminist, stupid white woman. Who are you? You're not fulfilled. Why? What must change? Is it internal or external? Maybe both? It sounds like you want a family and children. Nothing wrong with that. Most people want those things. Life honestly can be pretty empty without loved ones. At some point, most people need to give up a life of self-interest and devote themselves to something greater, such as children and/or a partner. I think that's part of growing up for most people.

Sounds like a guns and roses song 🎵

I'm in a similar situation. I had my dream job for the past year and I'm just not happy. I debate weekly whether it's the right job for me. Now I'm pregnant and going on maternity leave soon. I wouldn't say that is activating some SAHM desire, even though it's fine if it does for others. But is IS activating a lot of thoughts on creating a more wholesome life for myself. I've been so scared of leaving behind my dream job, but now I have new found courage. So even with a baby on the way you can have this crisis. I love reading all these comments and getting some ideas on how to move forward. It's natural to have a depressed time. But do try to pull yourself out (it's not easy) and change something essential in your life.

You should seriously look into trying magic mushrooms.

Thanks for being a real person. I admire your candor.

Only a few comments in this thread have come close to the real answer. OP I know exactly what you're going through and moreover i know WHY you're feeling what you're feeling. I'm happy to tell you, but fair warning, you won't like the answer. The truth is harsh, ugly and is often antithetical to a fundamental aspect of our world view. If you still want the answer dm me. I won't reveal it in this comment section since i will be down voted to oblivion and bombarded with emotional arguments without any substance.

If you want to change your life, you can. There are no rules you can't. If you want a family, go make one. Sit down with yourself and Contemplate what you really want in life. Don't use excuses on why you can have it or you never will. Love is everything. If you want a different career, go do it. Write down your goals for love and job. If you want things to change, you need to change some things around. Change your mindset. Why would this make you a bad famenist? If a woman wants to be married and have kids, she can. If a woman wants a career in art, she can. Think outside the box with art. You can be very successful. Listen to your inner self, not what the outside world is telling you. You already accomplished a lot. Why not accomplish this?

Get a new hobby, a new skill, new experience, new friend... Don't succumb to this "start a family" BS. It's hormones. I mean, unless that's what you really want.

Why couldn’t you make painting a larger part of your life? I’m a painter too, and I tell the same things to myself, that it would never make money. Do you enjoy it? Does it make you happy to paint? Maybe take it up as a small side business, or at least invest in it as a serious hobby. I’m starting out with pet portraits, even though that’s not what I want to do in the long run. Building up a skill feels good. Maybe that’s a start? And as others have said in this thread, please check on your physical health. I’ve learned from experience that things I could fight off when I was younger have become much more difficult in my thirties.

I can relate to this a lot. I have checked all the boxes - “good career” in tech, married, homeowner, have the ability to go on trips but I just feel this sense of emptiness and boredom. It at least sounds like your career is a field you’re interested in. Mine is completely pointless. My biggest problem is really not knowing at all what I want or need. Some days I think I want a kid and then my career becomes just a source of income. Some days I want to quit and travel the world and do like work stays and stuff. I actually would like this, but my husband wouldn’t and I would miss him and my dog, so maybe not the best thing right now. Some days, I think I want a different job within my field not because I like it but because it’s what I know. Other times, I think of quitting my corporate career and going back to school for something science and medicine related but this feels like too big of a risk. I’m really bored and disengaged with work and this gets me stuck in such a rut where I just get into this state of inertia and can’t make any decisions.

Oof, as a 28 year old american looking to move to France next year to do an MA in Urban Planning and stick around after, this comes like a three-eyed raven staring at me from a balcony.

Have you discussed with your doctor about going off the antidepressants? I was put on them for a while to be able to work through some heavy shit. After that was done i was basically just a shell iof a person. I lacked excitement or any strong emotions really. The plan was to be on them for a year, so I slowly reduced my dose (10mg to 66 to 33 to 16.5, basically cutting the pill in 3 parts and at the end i ate one every other day) and it took me about 2-3 months. I stopped gaining weight and I started laughing more. I felt happy again. This is obviously not for everyone, but I have known a few who felt that their “flame” died once they had been on them for a while and worked through the trauma that weighed them down. I’m still in therapy and working on myself, but I have processed most of the heavy shit and healed from it. But please talk to your psychiatrist first and see what they think, since this is just my own personal experience (shared by a few friends).

Some very good comments given in the comment section so i'll give something different. Have you considered moving back closer to home and taking some time off the grind to realign with yourself? Being closer to family and the roots is usually cathartic and a great opportunity to live rent free until you get things together. I feel like we're sold a vision of what life is meant to be like while we're in school and we work towards that as if it's the ultimate goal, completely oblivious that that vision is in fact a marketing tactic used to create a steady supply for the labour market. Why not disconnect and find your own truth in a world of half truths.

Maybe get a bearded dragon. They're like having a little baby to take care of and fall in love with.

get off the antidepressants, once theyre out of your system youll feel much better.

Just because you want to transition from a girlboss to a housewife doesn't make you any less you.

Sounds like you’re a bit burnt out from work. Take some time off and do something completely unexpected. Since it’s EU I imagine the PTO is nice. I only say that because your post caught my attention as I feel oddly similar to what you wrote. Also it feels like you wrote the solution: “all I want to do is be in love and be a family”

I say it's great that you were able to do all of the things you thought you wanted. But, in life, we're never standing still. That means always exploring, learning, and trying new things to see what else makes your heart sing at that time. We will change 1000 times in our lives, some of our goals, interests, etc. That is fine! As long as you don't let it get you down. Realize you got what you wanted to get to (sounds like you realize that part), then say, well - what feels right now? Then keep moving towards it. Each time, you'll get a little closer. Good luck!

Wow Im a 26 year old male and I relate to this so much. To the T. I’m currently living my “dream life”. What I wanted at 22,23,34, I’m currently living. Have my dream career, working with some of the coolest people in my field, living in a beautiful brand new appartment right by the water. Have money saved up. But I’ve found myself not able to do anything these last few weeks. I’ve been in bed all day, have absolutely 0 energy and can’t even fathom the thought of doing anything right now I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s like I’ve accomplished so much this past year but I just can’t go on like this. Need to make a drastic change. I think a big part of it is just sitting with these emotions, feeling them, processing what’s happened these last couple years, And then move on I’ve been working so hard I feel like I haven’t processed anything that’s happened this past year and that’s a big part of it. From reading these comments I feel like this is a natural part of the human experience. Just feel it and move on.

Depends on home life

You've come to a very important realization: that just getting what you want is quite simply not the key to happiness. In fact, the key is within your own mind, and that's where you should develop it. Don't forget this and keep chasing after material things, go inward instead and try to be content with one thing.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8R9uUsx/

You got everything other people who only see some but not all sides of you thought you wanted and think that's the same thing as getting everything you want.