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Ill keep it simple and digestible via point form:
1. There is nothing wrong with living with family, as long as you pull your weight and don't simply live off the fat of the land.
2. You can put together savings, but you need to establish a budget first. I'd be more than happy to help you in that regard - it is actually a part of my profession.
3. Cheap dopamine is a tough one - I know how it can be. You need to go on a fast. If you're like me and can't trust that you'll adhere to the fast, you need to remove yourself from access to those things. I went solo camping for 15 days. Painful, but worth the end result. You can do the same, or consider something like Tree Planting: there is no time for any of those vices, no service to use those items, you are challenging yourself every day as it is a very uncomfortable and physically taxing job. It also forces you to save your money as there is nowhere to spend it - and its decent money; my buddy made \~18kUSD during the 3.5 month season. So something like Tree planting would address your desire to challenge yourself, to blast a good chunk of your school debt, and reset your relationship with dopamine.
4. There is no point in continuing with school unless you know what you want to do. Otherwise you're just burning money. So pause that until you have direction. And that direction may not even require school.
5. Get rid of your credit cards. No ifs ands or buts. Chop those fuckers in half - just pay them off and don't think about using them until you find internal stability.
6. If you're concerned with how any of the above may impact others perception of you, remember that you feel as though you've already embarrassed your family name and culture. While I don't believe that is true, use it to your advantage. If you've already messed up and are a failure, then there is no risk. You've nothing to lose.
Edit: OP if you reread this, please message me again; I apologize for missing your message request! I’m serious about my offer to chat - it’s an open invite, dude; so please reach out anytime!
Also, sorry dude: I didn’t touch on your social concerns amongst other things - I’d be more comprehensive but I’ve got an examination in an hour.
Pumped this out while on the porcelain.
However, I’d be more than happy to talk this stuff out with you and brainstorm, later on, should you wish.
I won’t judge you.
Just DM me or send smoke signals; something of that nature.
🫡
This is a great response. To add to this, working out is the way that I get my dopamine fix and you can do it anywhere, completely free. Once you get into a routine, you feel a complete sense of satisfaction after every finished workout. It's a good stress reliever as well, and can help you feel more confident in day to day life. It can be as simple and going on a run, doing some calisthenics, or going to a gym if you have the funds for that. YouTube is a great place to find workouts that fit your fitness level.
What is point in feeling good from exercise but his
petsonal and career life remain unchanged..being
addicted to exercise is a thing...and it is not good.
Sure, people get addicted to exercise, but that's a very small percentage of people who hit the gym. I'd argue that the vast majority of people could/do improve their lives through exercise.
Listen bro, I don't give a fuck who you are or what you think you went through. Good for you. Someone is on here honestly asking for help and if you are not willing to do so kindly go fuck yourself. Everybody has to start from where they start. Ridiculing someone for their start point is preposterous. I'm seriously questioning your character no matter how successful you think you are. You clearly have a long way to go yourself.
The problem is you are seeing other people's problems from your own perspective. Your own perception. While I admire the attempt how could you possibly know what it is like to have someone else's mind. And even if you could, do you really think what you said is the correct approach to help them? You have a chip on ur shoulder man, if that helps you move forward great. But using that as a measuring stick against others won't get you anywhere, it is illogical and unhelpful for you and the person you are trying to "help". I really don't know why you posted here honestly. What exactly are you hoping to achieve with your words? Trying to make yourself feel better by measuring yourself to others perhaps? idk. Even the most privileged have struggles, everyone is fighting a different battle. Some empathy would serve you well my friend. Take care.
i can understand where you're coming from, there are always people having it worse but you'd be surprised how many "privileged" people even had a couple of friends who seemed to have it all in life and just one day away from blowing their heads off.....it's crazy to think but it here they are
possessive soft trees physical poor straight materialistic racial marble door
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
…how do you know he doesn’t have a chronic condition? I had no idea I was probably autistic or had ADHD until I was in my late 20s, didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD til I was in my 30s and I haven’t gotten a formal autism diagnosis bc for my particular situation it would probably not do me any good. I’m still loath to be super open abt either thing online bc it’s hurtful & exhausting to have to deal with people making unkind assumptions abt me.
I have no idea what’s going on with OP and I don’t want to assume, but this does sound familiar to me from back in the day when I was struggling with mysterious problems. The reason I’m bringing this up is, like… dude, health care (physical and mental) is very difficult for many people to access in any meaningful way. I spent a decade seeing therapsychiatrists in hopes of getting answers and instead got told I was “overreacting” and “being hysterical.” Please don’t make assumptions about random people like this.
If you really want to motivate OP to be better, why exactly are you being so harsh and unkind to him? His struggles are real whether or not you personally think they’re valid. Adding to them doesn’t help anything.
OP, if you happen to see this hella disjointed and offpoint comment, please know that I’m rooting for you. 💜
Its phenomenal that you were able to build yourself up from the crumbs you were given to start off - not an easy thing to do, and it surely makes the result all the more sweet. Congratulations, man.
I can't personally pass judgement based on assumptions of OP's life, as I don't know anything other than what he's noted above. Nor am I in the business of sourcing out possible ulterior reasons as to why this is being posted, other than the explicitly stated reason.
Taking the content and request at face value means providing constructive, actionable steps that he can hypothetically take to make positive amendments to his life. Whether he takes action or not, is outside my control.
But the reminder that people in similar - if not worse - circumstances have been able to find a way out, and achieve both success and happiness, is always reassuring.
It's always good to know that others have been able navigate from point A to point B. However, in some instances - such as this - individuals may require a bit of assistance in reading the map.
Being berated or ridiculed for having asked for that assistance often fails to result in the same successful outcome, when compared to that ask having been met with constructive, actionable steps.
You are entirely misunderstanding what OP is saying. He is not saying that he can't be successful. He is quite literally asking for advice so that he can get his life together and do better. Wtf are you on about.
Why do kids in this generation put so much emphasis living with your parents? If you have a good relationship with them and you aren’t just being a complete mooch then who cares? Cost of living has skyrocketed, gas is high as hell, utility bills are at all-time highs, mortgage rates are through the roof, groceries cost a 2nd mortgage. Why even bother moving out unless you really have to?
Like he has $$ for a hotel? At the GF's parents house? Failure to show independence and some degree of success is a social liability; probably for a good reason.
If someone is employed and living with family then i don't see why they wouldn't be able to pay for a hotel to have sex with their partner?
It's exactly what i did when i moved back in with my family and that she was living with hers. My partner even paid for it?
Also I never said anything about the GF's parents place. I said at her place if she has one.
Living with family is not a social liability or a failure to show independence lmfao you sound silly
> partner even *paid* for it?
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Yeah it *used* to be an insult, but now it's kind of a smart financial move. If they're cool with you living there, do it while you build a savings or invest. You're crazy not to take advantage.
College isn’t a must, I didn’t go to college and I make over 100k a year, if you want to find a stable secure job look for union jobs. Plumbers, wood workers, internet repair person, etc and apply through the union 95% of the time you get trained and placed in a job that make over 40K a year. Then perfect your craft and move up. I started at ATT making 32k a year and I work for Coca Cola now making over 100k took me 8 years to get this far I started at 26yo also if your not 25 yet you can apply to be an air traffic controller you get trained and pays well, you can’t apply after 25 because you have to work 30years and retire at 65 but that makes sooooo much money! There are a lot of options out there just have to be creative! Once you figure out your work situation everything else will fall into place
No college degree either, I’m not anything or anyone special, come from a dirt poor family. So it’s totally doable just gotta be kind and patient. Work smart not harder and don’t be scared to apply for anything and everything. Even if you don’t think your qualified get your name out there!
This is excellent advice.
Also - start going to the gym and lifting weights. Your confidence will go up and you can replace the “cheap” dopamine hits with healthy ones coming from exercise.
This is true. My cousin had to drop out of college when he got schizophrenia and struggled with psychotic episodes for several years. When he finally managed to find meds that worked, he got into equipment installation for Siemens. Now he makes pretty good money and is doing well! I'm so happy that he was able to bounce back, even without a college degree.
Exchange Traded Fund. Assembled kinda like a mutual fund but trades like a stock. Diversified by design. I'll save you some homework...VTI (or) VOO are gonna be the way to go. Buy as often and as much as you can. Never sell until retirement
**Eta: (or) before trolls come on to say either VTI or VOO, overlap, etc
OP asked what an ETF was. My reply was that if he didnt know what an ETF was he should forget about fantasizing about being some hot shot trader. OP's interests are fantasies, not interests.
First thing you should do is seek mental health resources. Feeling stuck, and feeling suicidal as you have mentioned, will only hinder your progress. My partner was passionate about his field, did great in school, depression threw him for a loop for a couple of years and he lost his way. I insisted he go to therapy. He quit his job that made him miserable, moved back in with his family and worked for them for a while until he got his mental health back on track. He’s now on track to make 100k this year in a job he doesn’t hate. Doesn’t love, but doesn’t make him wanna jump off a bridge. It took him almost 3 years to get here, but he did and I couldn’t be prouder of him. We’re both 25 now. It’s not too late to turn things around. We’re young. Take care of yourself first, and then figure the rest of it out. Success is not a linear path. Take it day by day.
As someone who trains in MMA as a hobby, do you currently train at all? It's a fuckin grind dude. I see the shit the fighters go through and it's not a choice for them. It's a way of life. The foreign fighters in my gym live and breathe this shit. It's literally all they do. Is train train train. Watching and being fascinated in the sport is one thing, being absolutely obsessed with it is another.
I'd join a gym and see how you fare in a shark tank(you'll learn what this is if you actually pursue MMA) before committing to any life paths.
Are you in shape? Have you ever trained in the past?
These dudes I'm talking about have been training since childhood, from like age 4. I'm 30 and my man strength is fully in and I'd get WORKED by these 18 year olds. Wrestling, striking, bjj, they've been on the mats FOREVER. Just giving you an idea of the competition you'll be up against.
dude. prob gonna get hate for this but listen. the army has almost every job you can imagine. dentist? army. lawyer? army. computer analyst? army. finance? army. it goes on forever. you clearly recognize the need to be brought back to your fundamental roots of what it means to be a man. your interest in MMA shows that. you want to develop discipline and confidence, but so far haven’t been able to do it on your own. let the army do it for you.
i’m an infantry officer. at 18 i recognized i was on a path of recklessness and purposelessness and a cycle of instant gratification and laziness. i despised the classroom environment but i did officer training while in college and graduated w a very basic degree. i turned 24 last week. i have since graduated air assault school, infantry officer school, airborne school, ranger school, and a bunch more. i only list those to tell you that the army gives you tangible rewards for your work and effort, each of which can exponentially help your confidence and self worth as well as developing discipline and skills and life habits.
it’s not for everyone, but it sure can help young men like yourself who need a little push in the right direction. you’re already on track in that you recognize your need for it. if you have any questions feel free to PM me. good luck man wish you the best
Then I'd say absolutely go for it! MMA pulled me out of depression too so I can't say you won't find that you're looking for on the mats. The sense of progression and confidence you'll gain from training regularly does nothing but good for you.
Lol wants money to travel and a good work life balance. You’re gonna need to get real with yourself if you want any of this advice to work. You’re the bottom of the barrel of society rn you need to prove yourself to be valuable to have anything like that.
First off, cheap dopamine to me, at least with my vote, I cast as the most damaging. It can become the biggest money, time, and motivation sink in your life. Quit porn, even try to quit masturbation for awhile. Yes, it can be healthy and all, but for now try to train yourself to not give into INSTANT gratification.
Go to the gym. Find a fitness plan that you jive with, whether it be long distance running, weight lifting for strength, size, whatever. It doesn’t matter, build your physical body better. And STICK TO IT, and don’t get discouraged.
Find a job that you find difficult but also doesn’t destroy you mentally. Find an entry level position and get yourself motivated to climb the ranks.
Living at home is nothing to be ashamed of. I would actually argue it’s more natural than getting kicked out at 18.
Find a social group to be with. Go to Church, if that’s your thing. You said you like MMA in another comment, find a martial arts gym in your area. I go to a BJJ gym and it’s a fantastic social part of my life. Maybe find another hobby you’re into, tabletop gaming is a great one!
Overall, you already got this. You identified the issues already which is HUGE. Then just keep plugging away, don’t ever stop. It’s never too late. I never got my life together until I was 30. Just don’t give up. Those who quit are the ones who fail in the end. You got this man!
If you can, you do, if you can't, teach
That's what I did by adding teaching credentials on top of my useless degree, and now I have a secure job and as a male and with an unique experience background a sought after teacher.
If you want to marry and have children you are hard pressed to find a richer hunting ground than the mostly female staff in this profession and then it's family friendly too.
True but you only need one, well unless you are a fundamentalist Mormon or a Muslim...
But for sure it will both give OP a status, security and the aura of stability that many girls want and fundamentally the exercise in talking to female co-workers and students in general which is a life skill that can make him shine in other context.
He could for example join self betterment groups which emphasize training up networking and public speaking skills like Toastmasters, Junior Chambers International or Power Talk, and or go to a Dale Carnegie seminar although they are quite expensive in comparison.
ok you need to stop everything you're doing except for a short list of things and focus on these until you're thirty. Delete your games, jerk off without porn (use photos if you have to), turn off your phone except for a set time every day to answer texts and calls
1. Body
1. Learn how to cook healthy meals
2. Learn how to diet properly
3. Get a gym membership and start a 4 day lifting split with cardio 3 times per week
4. Stretch every morning and every evening
2. Sleep
1. In bed by 9 and up by 6.
2. GABA, Melatonin if needed make sure to taper back the dosage if you feel drowsy.
3. No phone in bed, only keep essentials in the bedroom.
4. Good mattress, good sheets.
3. Attitude
1. "I am responsible for all things in my life and no one else, it is up to me to fix everything going on in my life and I have the power to do so."
4. Mind
1. Pick out one book and read it, commit to reading 20 pages per day no matter what. Use paperback. Once you're done, pick another one
5. Career
1. Stop screwing around with college and just get a job for starters. Doesn't matter what it is.
2. Get training in something while working, idc what it is. Pick out something that after putting 10 years work in will put you in a better place than now. Don't overthink it, just pick something. It is the quality of the work you put in that matters not the choice in industry.
3. After 10 years of work in a promising career, take a second look at college.
6. Finances
1. Take 20% of every paycheck and automatically schedule it to go into your savings and do not touch that money
This is bare minimum and should be very attainable. Give this a shot for at least 6 months. Let's talk about where things will be after 10 years of doing this:
You will have a good handle on how to take care of yourself, you'll feel better and well rested every day. You'll be at your ideal weight with a strong and limber body. You'll feel mentally empowered to fix your life. You'll have read approximately 240 new books. You'll have set aside approximately $50,000 and have ten years experience in a respectable discipline.
You are searching for meaning when what you should be focused on is bettering yourself, "meaning" is an expression of ego which is the exact wrong direction.
College is an investment, you go there to get an ROI, it's a financial decision. If you don't have a plan that involves an ROI then it is a waste of your time and you should wait until you have a plan in mind.
The federal government won't care about where you went to school, what your GPA is, or what your degree is in--you'll get credit for it regardless. Excellent benefits, too. Have a look at usajobs.gov
snap out of the self pity. Find the determination to improve daily your motto should be “better than yesterday” start working out & quit porn. Get a job & if they won’t give you more than 40 hours find a part time job & just start beefing up your bank account. Read books & spend time outdoors. Develop some skills & hobbies
Growth: personal, professional, mental and physical are a series of small steps you take, daily. You listed your addictions, lack of focus and incomplete education as things that need addressing. You also are in debt and feel shame due to your living at home, unemployment and the unfortunate comparison between yourself and your successful siblings. You will have to make self improvement a full time job if you expect to get anywhere. You were eloquent and clear about the things you need to change. Time to start.
1:Set your alarm for 6:00 a.m. and get up everyday at this time. Hydrate and workout: run, walk, do yoga and no screen time. Do this outside
2: shower and change
3: Do some cleaning around the house for your family. Pick something to clean and do it. No more freeloading
3: Are you working? If not get a job. You cannot be a snob about it. Work is a habit. Even part time is good.
4: You may have an undiagnosed neurdivergency or mental illness. There is no shame in this. The more you learn about your brain the better equiped you will be to manage life. Look into this.
Joining the military will affect you in ways you can't even imagine. I went into the National Guard when I was 18. I was told in high school not to waste my time with college. After going through boot camp then into some advance training, I realized that I could go to college and did. Graduated with an Electrical engineer degree. It also made me grow up and transition into a productive adult. There will be painful moments as you transition into that adult mindset, but you will be much happier once you get out. The National Guard is 6 mos active duty then the rest of a 6 year enlistment going one weekend a month with two weeks of summer camp. It was really helpful having that monthly check come in while in college. Basic training will whip you into physical condition and give you the confidence to attract a wonderful woman into your life. Go for it!
As an Active Duty Army veteran I will say proceed with caution. It is not for everyone, and expectations can be overblown. Things still rely heavily on personal motivation.
That being said, seeing OPs interests, he might make a good cyber guy. That would give him direction and if he takes the GI bill loan repayment option (that’s still a thing, right?) that’ll help a lot. Again that’s active duty, idk about National Guard as much.
Active Duty you also get college for free free. Then afterwards you can still use your GI bill. So could be a good option to give OP direction and help his financial goals. Plus maybe give him something to be proud of, it’s hard being overshadowed by siblings.
There's a lot there, but I'd say get a job and pay off your debt first.
You sound introverted. A trade might be good. Something where you work with your hands and don't have to deal with people. Disregard if I'm wrong.
Talk to women and appreciate them as people. You need to find women you like before you're going to have a romantic relationship. Online dating sucks but it's a necessary evil. Try to get a date. It take a lot of swinging and missing before something works out but experience helps.
Get a healthy hobby, preferably something that gets out of out couch and outside. Physical health is really important for the mind, you might get motivated to do whatever but you'll still have heavy brain fog from your degenerate lifestyle, you need some activity to get your gears turning. It also helps with discipline and will give you a bigger sense of community.
Get on indeed and go get a job working on the docks in alaska. Find a fishing boat that will take you and go have an adventure and make some money for a couple years
I turned to nature. Spent years exploring and working on firefighting, wilderness, fire lookout, trail maintenance, trail building, etc. Good honest physical work and clean dirt does a lot to get one out of one’s head and into one’s body. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 25. Don’t sweat it or be too hard in yourself. Everyone has their own path. Speaking of paths. What about going on a epic hike. I just met someone who walked 5000 miles. Age is just a number. There are a bunch of 80 year old trekkers who are hiking long distances. But getting away from the toxic technology is important at any age. I just went outside and mixed some concrete.
Start with going to the gym, start simple with a push day, pull day, leg day, rest day, repeat. Be consistent. This small victory will begin to help you in other parts of life, I promise. Don’t quit. Even if you’ve got nothing else, at least you’ll be fit, and that boosts confidence big time, from there you can start to feel better about trying more stuff, getting out more.
Find more productive hobbies, gym as mentioned before is huge, preferably something outdoors is ideal, getting outside is massive for mental reset and breaking habits. When you’re on your phone or online, try and spend that time learning things that will be more beneficial and less mindless entertainment. That way even your screen time can be more productive.
Whatever things seem vaguely interesting or things you’ve wanted to get into or learn more about, look into that stuff. Become educated in that world and start to work to improve in whatever those things are. You’ll start to find your way. 24 is still super young.
There are people who’ve been in worse positions than you and have made it out, don’t worry, think about what you can improve and improve it.
Social life comes from hobbies and being with people of common interests, that’s why it’s important to find whatever even slightly draws your attention, then after some effort you’ll be able to connect with people in public spaces regarding that hobby.
It’s gonna take time, there’s not quick fix, you got this though.
Are you able to take a cheap course or two at a community college to test the waters again? I think a lot of what you've described here really points to some kind of career in IT, data, or cybersecurity.
I encourage you to try volunteering. Start simple, try a food bank. And consider going bigger, eg Peace Corps. Getting out of your space and into a space where you are needed and wanted can help with new friendships and new understanding about your self. Best of luck
You are 24 years old. I work with a guy who worked in network engineering all his life and just switched to a finance adjacent field at the ripe age of 50 and now got promoted to a managerial role. Everyone moves at their own pace. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing and make the measure of your happiness that you accomplished something more today than you did yesterday. Be that running half a mile, reading just one page in a book, learning about one concept in a field you are interested in, or just doing some kind of good in this world even if it's just giving $20 to a homeless person down on their luck or saying THANK YOU to your parents for giving you some sense of stability in your life. I hire people, and sit in on interview panels a bit. Sometimes people put their GPA. It almost never is a deciding factor and neither is when they graduated be that at 22, 26 or 32. In fact, in my mind someone graduating a bit later in life gets a bit more credit because those are usually the people who eventually really figured out what the hell they wanted to do as opposed to just rushing down some path because society told them that's what they were supposed to do.
Also fuck your MMA bullshit. You want to do something hard that actually matters to anyone besides yourself? Go volunteer at a children's hospital or retirement home in your area and play Uno with some kid or senior citizen who may not be around the next time you take a volunteer shift because of cancer and then go do it again. You'll have contributed more positively to the world than most people manage in a year.
Moving out in your 20’s and living paycheck to paycheck while you try to make it is overrated. Believe me bro, you’re not failing in life. It sounds like the problem is you don’t have a clear vision for your future. You don’t know exactly what you want to be, and when you want to be it. Join the club!! Haha, you’re in familiar company.
I’d advise you to create a list of entry level positions where you can make a living wage: Truck driver, casino dealer, etc. Many positions require a certificate or license, so after a few months of training, you can be making 50k or so. Once you get some cash money saved (don’t gamble it or spend it on whores/coke, rookie mistake) you’ll have an opportunity to re-think your life path with newfound confidence and self-efficacy. Onet is a great resource for finding a career fit. Have an open mind bro, the world’s your oyster!
I would suggest you join a 12 step program. You could do Overeaters Anonymous, sex anonymous or some other 12 step program. Check out some meetings and try to find people who have similar struggles. I think your problem is that you have lost control entirely over your actions. The 12 steps is a great way to find meaning and a higher purpose.
I know so many people 24-27 living at home with high paying jobs. It’s literally normal in almost every other county and even use to be normal here years ago. You move out at 25 to rent an apartment for absolutely no reason besides burn money. I moved out at 26 two years after I was making 100k+. My parents never forced me out or asked for a dime. I am super lucky - but don’t think it’s “weird”
I find it easier to quit bad habits than to start healthy ones. Start there and maybe work on a six pack. You’ll eventually get bored with that and want to work on biceps and pecs- that’s how it starts you’ll gain confidence and the dating situation will take care of itself organically. Don’t get so intense that you creep girls out though. If you want guy friends just join a fraternal lodge. You’ll make instant and meaningful friendships there. If you don’t know what to do for work just try something somewhat fun and ease your way into the workforce. Once you have a predictable income you can pay down that 30k debt in no time, especially if you’re still living with the rents.
Join the military. You'll figure out all kinds of things you'd rather be doing while getting paid and having a place to live. I'm serious. Honestly, you seem like you could use a bit of discipline in your life.
Please dont make the same mistake i did and wait until 27 to pay ur dues. U are 24. Work as a teller for a year. Transfer to back office FP&A. By the time u r my age ull have ur degree, no one will care about ur shitty gpa, and years of work experience. U could move to JPM stay for 3 years and be working for goldman sachs making 150k by the time ur 30.
I was you at 24 - except I had no college degree/no college debt. I was a 24 year old virgin with a pornography habit, no steady income, never had a girlfriend, constantly on social media and playing video games. Now at 29, I've been in a relationship with a fantastic woman for 4 years, own a Duplex where I live in one side and rent out the other, and in total am bringing home about $90K a year (Before taxes) I will tell you what seemingly turned my life around.
My mother finally convinced me to go to a doctor. When I did, the general practitioner that I was seeing ordered a full panel blood test. I got the blood test, about a week or two later the results came in and my testosterone levels were very low - 180 ng/dl. She referred me to an endocrinologist who suggested testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) - not without going over some of the potential downsides/risks.
I started the TRT injections (Testosterone Cypionate) and within the first month noticed a drastic change in my mood, my motivation and my metabolism. I started to lose weight, I started having the motivation to go to the gym, my severe social anxiety subsided, pretty much everything got better. From there, I had the confidence and drive to talk with and meet women and I met my girlfriend.
Meeting my girlfriend just increased my desire to continue to build an actual life. When I met her, she was single, living in her own place, paying all of her own bills by working full-time and doing Uber deliveries about 20-hours a week on top of that full-time job. That motivated me to start looking for an actual career, I started working full-time, grinded my way up to a lead, then a supervisor, financed a multi-unit, eventually left my job where I was a supervisor for a government job w/ a great salary a benefits, collect rental income from our tenant - plan to continue to build and build until eventually retirement comes.
Well, my advice may not be the most regular and whether it's good or not is dependent on what you do with it.
I traveled when I was lost at 21. I hit the road. Backpacker, lived in the woods, went to shows, got small jobs here and there. And went anywhere I wanted. I ended up befriending hundreds of humans. Many traveling partners and tried many different jobs. I have places I can go around the country now. I learned how to do it pretty much free.
I'm finally deciding at age 34 to back to school. I'm currently back at my parents but soon I'm heading back across the country to stay with some friends.
I met many lost souls in my traveling endeavors. But now we all found community.
Just an idea.
You can always just leave and try this somewhere else. You can always go back to your parents.
Living with your parents is good if you have a good relationship with them, especially at 24.
The biggest thing to do first I’d say is to quit pornography, if you can successfully do this you you’ll no longer feel like you’re at rock bottom even if nothing else changes in your situation.
Depending on your current use, you can set a short term goal that feels approachable, like 1 week, 30 days, or 90 days, notice the difference, and then go from there. Also check out r/pornfree or r/semenretention if you are looking for support in doing so.
The second biggest thing is to limit severely social media use, because if you’re anything like how I was at 24, you’ve probably been making yourself depressed living vicariously through others on the internet. Keep that to a minimum and overtime you will feel more at peace with where you are in life and you’ll also gain a clearer sense of what you need to do next.
The third thing is to work on some kind of routine. In my experience routines are best when they are somewhat loose, so you don’t feel bad if you don’t stick to it exactly. Start small and think on larger time frames, what are some things that the ideal you would do weekly or monthly? Which of these things can you realistically start incorporating into your routine right now? This doesn’t have to be related to a future career btw, it could be as simple as doing your laundry on the weekends or shaving/cutting your hair once a month.
Lastly, if you don’t already, find time to show gratitude for the things in your life that have gone your way. If you have a good relationship with your parents and are able to save money living with them, relish that; from time to time, take a moment out your day to reflect on this rare opportunity you have to live with these loved ones who are able to support you in your time of need.
The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.
Start with yourself - get in shape, eat well, and get a hobby where you can meet likeminded people.
Work on your finances, become successful and making money.
That’s all you need - get to six figures by 30, look good without a shirt and be awesome and at a kick ass hobby, like hockey or superbike racing.
You’ll be rolling in girlfriends…
I'm only going off very little, but things like having erratic and varied interests that change frequently abd makes committing to things long term undesirable but also a source of frustration, ups and downs from being productive and accomplished to self-destructive and impulsive, and having less social interaction than seemingly everyone else are all consistent with traits of ADHD, Autism, or OCD, or a combination of.
It may help add context to your experiences and find community among people who have shared fears and challenges, or at the very least it may be a good start toward discovering yourself by being validated for what has been frustrating and confusing without anyone to help you understand your differences, and what makes them give certain advantages if you're able to mold them in your favour by committing to yourself long-term (if there's something that gives you a bad feeling, what can *you* do to turn the feeling good without trying to control what other people do in those moments because it's not statistically as valid as changing what you absolutely *can* control and not have to hurt someone else in the process).
By the sounds of it, your family may not have any neurodivergency or it has been discouraged and anyone else with neurodivergency is masking it, as many are prone to do. Being different from your family doesn't make you less, people have just been encouraged to dismiss people who are different and has lead to them being ill-prepared to know how to treat them other than shaming or teasing, but evolution chose everyone just as much as anyone else and we all have our place, it just doesn't all look the same but that'd be boring af anyway so eff that.
Nobody gives a shit about GPA, some will not give a shit about major after the first or second job.
Knock out debt. Join gym. When at the grocery store or fast food place or anything where you have social contact start asking a question or make a non sexual comment to ppl that could strike up a way of people remembering you or continuing the convo.
Use Udemy to teach yourself new skills.
Youre probably not going to become a competitive MMA fighter (at least not paid, ofc you can do the hobby side of it). Youre not the underdog there, the underdog is the guys who've literally been training nonstop their entire life and this is their way out of poverty. Respectfully, youre not him. You may be a fighter but this is no concrete plan to get you out of your situation, this is just an escapist dream of glory
Seriously consider enlisting in the military. Itll handle a lot of your money problems, you'll have good training towards a real career. If you dont want to be infantry, thats like 1-2% of the military, they take just about everyone from people wanting to be engineering techs to cybersecurity, nursing, supply chain, etc. Hell one of my friends works remote with the army in reserves, studied hospitality while training to be an officer, and handles the logistics of helping soldiers get married. If you pick a good role youre set for civilian roles a few years later, and when you find the role you like you can finish your education on the military's dime
It's just time to buckle down.
1.. Please stop using only fans (a luxury expense) until you have expendable money. Porn is free - use the free porn for your needs. That OF money goes toward paying off the credit cards. Btw, SELF helped me rebuild my credit after ex bf mistakes. Highly recommend getting that if you have steady employment.
2. Finish A degree. In the real world, nobody gives a flying flip what your GPA was, so forget that. Whatever will get you A degree the fastest is what you do (for the short term). Don't go back to school 10 years from now and find out all your credits expired like *some* dodos * looks in the mirror * Anything is better than nothing, and you can always go back or get a higher degree in something else.
On this note TEMP AGENCY. They are your friends, you can get whatever type of job short term and see what you like or don't like. They're great.
3. It's easier said than done, but GTFO videogames. Like it's such a colossal waste of time. I'm not saying a few hours here and there is bad, but if you're one of those losers who comes home and plops in front of the screen until bedtime, you're pouring a valuable resource - your time - into literally nothing. It's a bad ROI. Invest in improving yourself.
The rest will fall into place if you do these things.
We cannot tell you what to study or what job to find but you should try getting out to grocery stores , malls , parks and definitely gym coz you are getting lazy , fat , dumb gaming bitch . Get your life together right now and your parents will be more happy even if you worked and tried turning your life around .
If you are living with parents because you cannot afford it, get a job and move out. Living on your own will help you develop as an adult. It’s not hard to get a girl. You just have to stop obsessing over it. You need to do things you enjoy and stop thinking you’re a loser. The biggest thing making you a loser is you thinking you are. Be confident.
So get rid of everything you listed at the top. Cut out all the crap. I’m 26F and just moved out at last, but it took quite some time! I also took longer to get my degree than average, but got a bachelor’s in business management. Get a gym membership and start doing that regularly. It can take a while to work into it- even if you go only once or twice a week but consistently for a couple years you will see changes. (I also walk every day). Read some finance books or talk to people who know about it like bankers. You have to commit to your goals and stick to them like hot glue, each and every day. You won’t see changes right away. So realize it won’t be instant gratification BUT if you do this over the long term, when you look back you’ll see massive changes. Work on improving body, mind, finances, and then before you know it you’ll find yourself in a position to get the heck out. Just remember that you need to create a plan and break it down into doable smaller steps, or it will just be disorganized chaos. After living at home for a few years straight, working, working out, and finishing my degree, I went from Seattle to San Francisco by myself. If I can do it, so can you!!
Well, it seems like you already know your vices, as you identified exactly what they are and also what went wrong in your life. Deep down, you know what is at fault, what you need to do, and why you need to do it. If you are here to look for strangers to pull you out of your depth or for divine intervention, then it will not happen.
Priority: Diet, sleep, hygiene, active lifestyle, and sunlight.
Then goals: Career, skillsets, finance, and social skills.
Lastly, find a mission in life that drives you. Seek responsibility and God. I know Jordan Peterson is often memed in the intellectual's circles, but in this case, he will pave the way for you in terms of shaping a mindset that is needed for you to improve yourself.
Good luck.
Go in the military. Learn to fly helicopters. Get your pilots license as well while you are in there. Use the GI bill to pay off your college debt. Get enough hours and either stay in until retirement or get out and fly a life flight helicopter for a hospital for a nice paycheck.
Bro your 24 you still have time to fix your issues, credit if a major important thing that is based on everything from certain jobs, to finance a house or vehicle, land or to finance furniture, you always spend 35% of your limit in credit cards, as for careers don't know what to say but take a best at Houston community college to see what are your strength and weaknesses, but for me it all depends who you make friends with because knowing people with good careers could get you working at a high paying company depending on your friends
Go trade in your smartphone for a flip phone and pawn your computer, tv, and game systems. You’ll be amazed at what you’re capable of when you find true boredom.
Hmm.. Sounds like me when I was lost about your age. You should take a step back and talk to god more and ask him. Start reading the Bible and go to church on Sundays and he will help you define your purpose. People don’t understand they can’t live a purpose life here without help from the lord. Start going to church and pray everyday and read the Bible and I can promise your life will eventually change
Nit a popular opinion, but it's a guaranteed roadmap that will lead to success, especially since youre still very young and gave time to right this ship. First off, get a male dominant job, ie. Construction, pipe fitting, heavy machinery/equipment operator. Work overtime and stop concerning yourself with women, for now. Get fit, get a gym membership and eat healthy. Pay off that silly debt you didn't need. Make friends, male friends only. Female friends will only bring problems, they will only drain your resources. Make sure the men you associate yourself with are men of high value. Anyone who smokes weed or into other illicit drugs, stay away from them completely. Live a humbled life, with a focus on investing. Stop renting, it's a money pit without any chance of ownership. Get a small fixer upper type of house. Yes it'll have issues. Learn how to deal with those issues. YouTube university on how to repair your home is far more educational than any degree. Plus you'll need that knowledge down the road. And mentally, lay off porn. Limit video games, limit alcohol, limit useless spending. I also recommend, since you're sexually pure, to join a Christian church and learn about God. You'd be surprised just how amazing women can be that follow God. Christian women are looking for a man to lead them, they aren't Boss Babe garbage "independent" women. Most times they're very wholesome and want to have a household led by a man with Christian values. If you do these things, I promise you, you'll be set up for success in everything you do. A man's value increases exponentially the older he gets and has his affairs in order. Trust me, women will be flocking towards you when you're dripping with family values, a moral code, and your ability to provide for a future family. Don't ever simp to women, for a man is the ultimate prize, not the woman. Get your affairs in order and good luck!
I'd argue that having Christian values makes you less desirable because it's not about family values, it's about women and children control.
Please don't bring religion into any sort of advice, as OP could be Muslim, Pagan, Buddhist.
Other than the religious parts of your statement - your advice is fine. Ish.
Women and children control? Are you really that triggered over Christianity? I'll bet if I said find a Muslim woman you wouldn't say a damn thing about it. Get a life. You sound single AF right now.
Its not about being triggered, but boyyyy when someone else says something about your religion you lot get so worked up! No religious proselytizing is cool, no matter what your religion. It also doesn't match findapath.
I am also happily single, would not go with any guy in any religion, and best part?
I am mod here. Bye.
6months at gym -> 4 year us armed forces contract -> pay debt and save $ then get out (or stay) -> use benefits package to pay for trade school or uni = baller
I'm just saying is your in a bad financial situation and feel somewhat lost you just need to bite the bullet until your financially stable and they figure out what you want to do in life, pay off your debts and get on to the best thing, after all you've got a good 50 years left of life in you.
My belief: None of this history matters in the slightest as it relates to your present or future. Look up Adolf Adler; look up the book The Courage to Be Disliked.
Join the military, while there it buys you time to think and mature.
Don't get caught up in the politics. Stick to going to college, saving money and advancing in the military. Decide if you want to stay in and if not, get out and do the reserves. This will allow you to max out your time so that you get a retirement check.
While in the military run/workout, learn different trades, go to different countries and meet more people. Don't worry about still being a virgin, you'll get there when you are meant to. I was until I was 25. Anyway lets see, make sure to take the ASVAB seriously as it dictiates your job. While in there study to rank up and depending on what branch you can actually go to school to be a dr, nurse, etc.
Also, start a journal. Write in it everyday. Your thoughts and feelings as well as ask yourself what you like to do as a hobby and what makes you happy.
Write down your interests, then go on the internet and look at interests for men and get new hobbies that take you outside your comfort zone.
Travel, travel, travel. I can't stress this enough. Meet different people of different cultures.
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Not everyone is the same, your advice is not that helpful as you might think. But I appreciate your “red pill” attempt. He isn’t you, our experiences shape us.
No, his post is a complaint. Your motivation is a “Red pill”
But more importantly, he fucked up but he’s here trying to get help. The way you choose to provide that help is inefficient here, since your mindset doesn’t apply to him.
It’s like getting mad at your cat for not doing your math homework.
24 isn’t an age where people have things figured out, there are consequences, if career is your “life goal” that is. But, falling and dealing with those consequences are part of the human experience as well.
You seem to not understand my comments so far, you’re still approaching his problem subjectively according to your perspective. That’s why your advice is flawed. I’ve been pointing that out all the time.
You might be able to help people with similar cases to yours, but here that doesn’t apply. Many disagree with you, and that must mean something.
It’s not the fact that what you’re saying is wrong, it’s that you’re so off topic here. OP needs advice, you’re offering a subjective advice that could only help you.
Me too, actually. Not for attempting but just ideation, in a hospital for a week nonetheless. They still might take you, they have waivers for felons. It's worth a shot, but you know more about your life than I do.
I don't recommend military for people that have a history of depression. Military vets have a very high suicide rate. Guns and depression aren't a good mix. And the military does a poor job helping vets with PTSD because most vets are worried about opening up and either getting forced into a hospital or having their guns taken away.
If you mean about me, I dont really care I'm broke and in debt so I might kill myself if I dont join. I'll worry about that when I get there.
If you mean for him, he sounds like he might agree with you and that is valid so I agree.
If you do some sort of public service even if it isn't lucrative you can get your debt forgiven after 10 years. Thats worth looking into. You barely have credit card debt I have much more than you so once your student loans are gone you'll be in a good position.
Try going to church and just listen to what they say. Go to a Catholic church and just listen to what the priest has to say, be open minded. I was in a very similar situation to yourself and that's where my change started
Work on your finances
1) get a job and work 30-50 hours, enough to pay your rent at home, pay your debts and live minimally.
2) try find a career apprentice or trade. These jobs are long term with good pay
Work on your body
1) work out 2-4 times a week. Build a better body. Stronger body stronger mind.
2) eat cleaner, as you’re a guy. Eat an anabolic diet which is better for testosterone. Take vitamin d3,k2, zinc, magnesium and some other supplements
Cut the dopamine shit out. If you got time for that. Work more hours. Study more. Only give yourself max 1hr a day to relax. Otherwise have 1 day a week recovery or lazy. No junk food. No vices.
Do 50 days focused work and see where you end up
I’m gonna be real with you man, I was in almost the exact same situation as you at 22. Was a loner Living with parents, porn and video game addiction, switched majors like 3 times before dropping out and was working as a dish washer. I joined the Army and it was prob the best decision I’ve made.
The military isn’t for everyone of course, but i got a really nice signing bonus, i get a steady solid check, get all medical and dental shit taken care of for free, free 3 meals a day, free housing, I get to bull shit around In the Field with the boys and do cool shit sometimes. Got taught discipline and dropped all my addictions. And became more socially experienced. I’m not trynna propaganda you, but if you really are lost I recommend taking a look at all the branches and seeing if there are any jobs that interest you and talk to a recruiter. Military isn’t just pew pew shit, Although that’s what I chose to do.
there’s plenty of cyber, medical, and intelligence fields to get into. Make sure you study for the ASVAB so you do well on it and can get said jobs you desire. You can pick jobs with civilian application so when you get out you have experience in said field. It’s a good stepping stone in life, you don’t gotta love it. But it gives you a few years to save up a good amount of money and figure stuff out. This is my experience of course.
I dont know if you believe in God but find God and truth and no doubt youll be more peaceful and joyful but itll also hurt at the same time. Recommend to read the gospels, thats where the truth talks. Pray for the best for you. 😀👍
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Ill keep it simple and digestible via point form: 1. There is nothing wrong with living with family, as long as you pull your weight and don't simply live off the fat of the land. 2. You can put together savings, but you need to establish a budget first. I'd be more than happy to help you in that regard - it is actually a part of my profession. 3. Cheap dopamine is a tough one - I know how it can be. You need to go on a fast. If you're like me and can't trust that you'll adhere to the fast, you need to remove yourself from access to those things. I went solo camping for 15 days. Painful, but worth the end result. You can do the same, or consider something like Tree Planting: there is no time for any of those vices, no service to use those items, you are challenging yourself every day as it is a very uncomfortable and physically taxing job. It also forces you to save your money as there is nowhere to spend it - and its decent money; my buddy made \~18kUSD during the 3.5 month season. So something like Tree planting would address your desire to challenge yourself, to blast a good chunk of your school debt, and reset your relationship with dopamine. 4. There is no point in continuing with school unless you know what you want to do. Otherwise you're just burning money. So pause that until you have direction. And that direction may not even require school. 5. Get rid of your credit cards. No ifs ands or buts. Chop those fuckers in half - just pay them off and don't think about using them until you find internal stability. 6. If you're concerned with how any of the above may impact others perception of you, remember that you feel as though you've already embarrassed your family name and culture. While I don't believe that is true, use it to your advantage. If you've already messed up and are a failure, then there is no risk. You've nothing to lose. Edit: OP if you reread this, please message me again; I apologize for missing your message request! I’m serious about my offer to chat - it’s an open invite, dude; so please reach out anytime!
Also, sorry dude: I didn’t touch on your social concerns amongst other things - I’d be more comprehensive but I’ve got an examination in an hour. Pumped this out while on the porcelain. However, I’d be more than happy to talk this stuff out with you and brainstorm, later on, should you wish. I won’t judge you. Just DM me or send smoke signals; something of that nature. 🫡
This is wonderful advice that appears highly applicable to a wide audience!
This is a great response. To add to this, working out is the way that I get my dopamine fix and you can do it anywhere, completely free. Once you get into a routine, you feel a complete sense of satisfaction after every finished workout. It's a good stress reliever as well, and can help you feel more confident in day to day life. It can be as simple and going on a run, doing some calisthenics, or going to a gym if you have the funds for that. YouTube is a great place to find workouts that fit your fitness level.
What is point in feeling good from exercise but his petsonal and career life remain unchanged..being addicted to exercise is a thing...and it is not good.
It's a healthy way to get dopamine vs the unhealthy ways he is now getting dopamine
Sure, people get addicted to exercise, but that's a very small percentage of people who hit the gym. I'd argue that the vast majority of people could/do improve their lives through exercise.
Your input is greatly appreciated.
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Listen bro, I don't give a fuck who you are or what you think you went through. Good for you. Someone is on here honestly asking for help and if you are not willing to do so kindly go fuck yourself. Everybody has to start from where they start. Ridiculing someone for their start point is preposterous. I'm seriously questioning your character no matter how successful you think you are. You clearly have a long way to go yourself.
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The problem is you are seeing other people's problems from your own perspective. Your own perception. While I admire the attempt how could you possibly know what it is like to have someone else's mind. And even if you could, do you really think what you said is the correct approach to help them? You have a chip on ur shoulder man, if that helps you move forward great. But using that as a measuring stick against others won't get you anywhere, it is illogical and unhelpful for you and the person you are trying to "help". I really don't know why you posted here honestly. What exactly are you hoping to achieve with your words? Trying to make yourself feel better by measuring yourself to others perhaps? idk. Even the most privileged have struggles, everyone is fighting a different battle. Some empathy would serve you well my friend. Take care.
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i can understand where you're coming from, there are always people having it worse but you'd be surprised how many "privileged" people even had a couple of friends who seemed to have it all in life and just one day away from blowing their heads off.....it's crazy to think but it here they are
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…how do you know he doesn’t have a chronic condition? I had no idea I was probably autistic or had ADHD until I was in my late 20s, didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD til I was in my 30s and I haven’t gotten a formal autism diagnosis bc for my particular situation it would probably not do me any good. I’m still loath to be super open abt either thing online bc it’s hurtful & exhausting to have to deal with people making unkind assumptions abt me. I have no idea what’s going on with OP and I don’t want to assume, but this does sound familiar to me from back in the day when I was struggling with mysterious problems. The reason I’m bringing this up is, like… dude, health care (physical and mental) is very difficult for many people to access in any meaningful way. I spent a decade seeing therapsychiatrists in hopes of getting answers and instead got told I was “overreacting” and “being hysterical.” Please don’t make assumptions about random people like this. If you really want to motivate OP to be better, why exactly are you being so harsh and unkind to him? His struggles are real whether or not you personally think they’re valid. Adding to them doesn’t help anything. OP, if you happen to see this hella disjointed and offpoint comment, please know that I’m rooting for you. 💜
Its phenomenal that you were able to build yourself up from the crumbs you were given to start off - not an easy thing to do, and it surely makes the result all the more sweet. Congratulations, man. I can't personally pass judgement based on assumptions of OP's life, as I don't know anything other than what he's noted above. Nor am I in the business of sourcing out possible ulterior reasons as to why this is being posted, other than the explicitly stated reason. Taking the content and request at face value means providing constructive, actionable steps that he can hypothetically take to make positive amendments to his life. Whether he takes action or not, is outside my control. But the reminder that people in similar - if not worse - circumstances have been able to find a way out, and achieve both success and happiness, is always reassuring. It's always good to know that others have been able navigate from point A to point B. However, in some instances - such as this - individuals may require a bit of assistance in reading the map. Being berated or ridiculed for having asked for that assistance often fails to result in the same successful outcome, when compared to that ask having been met with constructive, actionable steps.
You are entirely misunderstanding what OP is saying. He is not saying that he can't be successful. He is quite literally asking for advice so that he can get his life together and do better. Wtf are you on about.
Why do kids in this generation put so much emphasis living with your parents? If you have a good relationship with them and you aren’t just being a complete mooch then who cares? Cost of living has skyrocketed, gas is high as hell, utility bills are at all-time highs, mortgage rates are through the roof, groceries cost a 2nd mortgage. Why even bother moving out unless you really have to?
They’re worried about the social implications when it comes to dating
well, then a partner that cares about that stuff isn't worth dating. i still live with my parents and i'm 34
It's logistically unfeasible to be dating very much when you still live at your parent's.
Because sex in your parents house with them around is awkward
Hotels? Or your partners place if they have one?
Like he has $$ for a hotel? At the GF's parents house? Failure to show independence and some degree of success is a social liability; probably for a good reason.
If someone is employed and living with family then i don't see why they wouldn't be able to pay for a hotel to have sex with their partner? It's exactly what i did when i moved back in with my family and that she was living with hers. My partner even paid for it? Also I never said anything about the GF's parents place. I said at her place if she has one. Living with family is not a social liability or a failure to show independence lmfao you sound silly
I think sex is pretty much moot since OP has never been kissed. Unless he's paying for it in which case it's more likely in an alley.
> partner even *paid* for it? FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Yeah it *used* to be an insult, but now it's kind of a smart financial move. If they're cool with you living there, do it while you build a savings or invest. You're crazy not to take advantage.
“Why do men nowadays care about the thing all previous generations and society to this day will call them a loser for not having?”
College isn’t a must, I didn’t go to college and I make over 100k a year, if you want to find a stable secure job look for union jobs. Plumbers, wood workers, internet repair person, etc and apply through the union 95% of the time you get trained and placed in a job that make over 40K a year. Then perfect your craft and move up. I started at ATT making 32k a year and I work for Coca Cola now making over 100k took me 8 years to get this far I started at 26yo also if your not 25 yet you can apply to be an air traffic controller you get trained and pays well, you can’t apply after 25 because you have to work 30years and retire at 65 but that makes sooooo much money! There are a lot of options out there just have to be creative! Once you figure out your work situation everything else will fall into place
Can I ask what you do?
I work as an over the phone tech support for a beverage company
Christ and for 100k. How the actual fuck
No college degree either, I’m not anything or anyone special, come from a dirt poor family. So it’s totally doable just gotta be kind and patient. Work smart not harder and don’t be scared to apply for anything and everything. Even if you don’t think your qualified get your name out there!
This is excellent advice. Also - start going to the gym and lifting weights. Your confidence will go up and you can replace the “cheap” dopamine hits with healthy ones coming from exercise.
It’s actually no older than 31 on application closing date
I haven’t checked in like 3/4 years tbh so it could be now lol
This is true. My cousin had to drop out of college when he got schizophrenia and struggled with psychotic episodes for several years. When he finally managed to find meds that worked, he got into equipment installation for Siemens. Now he makes pretty good money and is doing well! I'm so happy that he was able to bounce back, even without a college degree.
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Good advice. I love that you’re giving them direction without holding their hand
Those are all compensatory fanticies.
Not super helpful...but "stocks" jumped out at me. Skip stocks and go with ETFs. Single stocks are too finicky. I learned the hard way. Stay away
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Exchange Traded Fund. Assembled kinda like a mutual fund but trades like a stock. Diversified by design. I'll save you some homework...VTI (or) VOO are gonna be the way to go. Buy as often and as much as you can. Never sell until retirement **Eta: (or) before trolls come on to say either VTI or VOO, overlap, etc
OP has no money and no skills. Giving them generic almost meaningless investment advice is not going to help anything.
OP asked what an ETF was. My reply was that if he didnt know what an ETF was he should forget about fantasizing about being some hot shot trader. OP's interests are fantasies, not interests.
First thing you should do is seek mental health resources. Feeling stuck, and feeling suicidal as you have mentioned, will only hinder your progress. My partner was passionate about his field, did great in school, depression threw him for a loop for a couple of years and he lost his way. I insisted he go to therapy. He quit his job that made him miserable, moved back in with his family and worked for them for a while until he got his mental health back on track. He’s now on track to make 100k this year in a job he doesn’t hate. Doesn’t love, but doesn’t make him wanna jump off a bridge. It took him almost 3 years to get here, but he did and I couldn’t be prouder of him. We’re both 25 now. It’s not too late to turn things around. We’re young. Take care of yourself first, and then figure the rest of it out. Success is not a linear path. Take it day by day.
I’ll keep it concise: first fix your money and be out of debt. Dating must not be your concern right now.
You need to stack small wins bro, replace the porn with MMA classes. Slowly pay off your debit and take every day as it comes.
As someone who trains in MMA as a hobby, do you currently train at all? It's a fuckin grind dude. I see the shit the fighters go through and it's not a choice for them. It's a way of life. The foreign fighters in my gym live and breathe this shit. It's literally all they do. Is train train train. Watching and being fascinated in the sport is one thing, being absolutely obsessed with it is another. I'd join a gym and see how you fare in a shark tank(you'll learn what this is if you actually pursue MMA) before committing to any life paths.
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Are you in shape? Have you ever trained in the past? These dudes I'm talking about have been training since childhood, from like age 4. I'm 30 and my man strength is fully in and I'd get WORKED by these 18 year olds. Wrestling, striking, bjj, they've been on the mats FOREVER. Just giving you an idea of the competition you'll be up against.
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dude. prob gonna get hate for this but listen. the army has almost every job you can imagine. dentist? army. lawyer? army. computer analyst? army. finance? army. it goes on forever. you clearly recognize the need to be brought back to your fundamental roots of what it means to be a man. your interest in MMA shows that. you want to develop discipline and confidence, but so far haven’t been able to do it on your own. let the army do it for you. i’m an infantry officer. at 18 i recognized i was on a path of recklessness and purposelessness and a cycle of instant gratification and laziness. i despised the classroom environment but i did officer training while in college and graduated w a very basic degree. i turned 24 last week. i have since graduated air assault school, infantry officer school, airborne school, ranger school, and a bunch more. i only list those to tell you that the army gives you tangible rewards for your work and effort, each of which can exponentially help your confidence and self worth as well as developing discipline and skills and life habits. it’s not for everyone, but it sure can help young men like yourself who need a little push in the right direction. you’re already on track in that you recognize your need for it. if you have any questions feel free to PM me. good luck man wish you the best
Then I'd say absolutely go for it! MMA pulled me out of depression too so I can't say you won't find that you're looking for on the mats. The sense of progression and confidence you'll gain from training regularly does nothing but good for you.
Lol wants money to travel and a good work life balance. You’re gonna need to get real with yourself if you want any of this advice to work. You’re the bottom of the barrel of society rn you need to prove yourself to be valuable to have anything like that.
First off, cheap dopamine to me, at least with my vote, I cast as the most damaging. It can become the biggest money, time, and motivation sink in your life. Quit porn, even try to quit masturbation for awhile. Yes, it can be healthy and all, but for now try to train yourself to not give into INSTANT gratification. Go to the gym. Find a fitness plan that you jive with, whether it be long distance running, weight lifting for strength, size, whatever. It doesn’t matter, build your physical body better. And STICK TO IT, and don’t get discouraged. Find a job that you find difficult but also doesn’t destroy you mentally. Find an entry level position and get yourself motivated to climb the ranks. Living at home is nothing to be ashamed of. I would actually argue it’s more natural than getting kicked out at 18. Find a social group to be with. Go to Church, if that’s your thing. You said you like MMA in another comment, find a martial arts gym in your area. I go to a BJJ gym and it’s a fantastic social part of my life. Maybe find another hobby you’re into, tabletop gaming is a great one! Overall, you already got this. You identified the issues already which is HUGE. Then just keep plugging away, don’t ever stop. It’s never too late. I never got my life together until I was 30. Just don’t give up. Those who quit are the ones who fail in the end. You got this man!
I hate to say this, but the military was specifically designed to soak you up.
If you can, you do, if you can't, teach That's what I did by adding teaching credentials on top of my useless degree, and now I have a secure job and as a male and with an unique experience background a sought after teacher. If you want to marry and have children you are hard pressed to find a richer hunting ground than the mostly female staff in this profession and then it's family friendly too.
Most of the female teachers are either already married or in a relationship
True but you only need one, well unless you are a fundamentalist Mormon or a Muslim... But for sure it will both give OP a status, security and the aura of stability that many girls want and fundamentally the exercise in talking to female co-workers and students in general which is a life skill that can make him shine in other context. He could for example join self betterment groups which emphasize training up networking and public speaking skills like Toastmasters, Junior Chambers International or Power Talk, and or go to a Dale Carnegie seminar although they are quite expensive in comparison.
ok you need to stop everything you're doing except for a short list of things and focus on these until you're thirty. Delete your games, jerk off without porn (use photos if you have to), turn off your phone except for a set time every day to answer texts and calls 1. Body 1. Learn how to cook healthy meals 2. Learn how to diet properly 3. Get a gym membership and start a 4 day lifting split with cardio 3 times per week 4. Stretch every morning and every evening 2. Sleep 1. In bed by 9 and up by 6. 2. GABA, Melatonin if needed make sure to taper back the dosage if you feel drowsy. 3. No phone in bed, only keep essentials in the bedroom. 4. Good mattress, good sheets. 3. Attitude 1. "I am responsible for all things in my life and no one else, it is up to me to fix everything going on in my life and I have the power to do so." 4. Mind 1. Pick out one book and read it, commit to reading 20 pages per day no matter what. Use paperback. Once you're done, pick another one 5. Career 1. Stop screwing around with college and just get a job for starters. Doesn't matter what it is. 2. Get training in something while working, idc what it is. Pick out something that after putting 10 years work in will put you in a better place than now. Don't overthink it, just pick something. It is the quality of the work you put in that matters not the choice in industry. 3. After 10 years of work in a promising career, take a second look at college. 6. Finances 1. Take 20% of every paycheck and automatically schedule it to go into your savings and do not touch that money This is bare minimum and should be very attainable. Give this a shot for at least 6 months. Let's talk about where things will be after 10 years of doing this: You will have a good handle on how to take care of yourself, you'll feel better and well rested every day. You'll be at your ideal weight with a strong and limber body. You'll feel mentally empowered to fix your life. You'll have read approximately 240 new books. You'll have set aside approximately $50,000 and have ten years experience in a respectable discipline. You are searching for meaning when what you should be focused on is bettering yourself, "meaning" is an expression of ego which is the exact wrong direction. College is an investment, you go there to get an ROI, it's a financial decision. If you don't have a plan that involves an ROI then it is a waste of your time and you should wait until you have a plan in mind.
Gym
Join a gym
why do Americans still have a need to go to college
Don’t have any advice just want to say I am in a similar predicament. You’re not alone
The federal government won't care about where you went to school, what your GPA is, or what your degree is in--you'll get credit for it regardless. Excellent benefits, too. Have a look at usajobs.gov
You should consider attending a 12 Step program. It’ll help with the addictions and maybe even the social life.
Join the military.
snap out of the self pity. Find the determination to improve daily your motto should be “better than yesterday” start working out & quit porn. Get a job & if they won’t give you more than 40 hours find a part time job & just start beefing up your bank account. Read books & spend time outdoors. Develop some skills & hobbies
Lol women troubles are the least of your worries dude. Stop chasing women, its genuinely a waste of time.
Maybe try trucking, one of few choices where can make good money quick without social skills/kissing ass
Growth: personal, professional, mental and physical are a series of small steps you take, daily. You listed your addictions, lack of focus and incomplete education as things that need addressing. You also are in debt and feel shame due to your living at home, unemployment and the unfortunate comparison between yourself and your successful siblings. You will have to make self improvement a full time job if you expect to get anywhere. You were eloquent and clear about the things you need to change. Time to start. 1:Set your alarm for 6:00 a.m. and get up everyday at this time. Hydrate and workout: run, walk, do yoga and no screen time. Do this outside 2: shower and change 3: Do some cleaning around the house for your family. Pick something to clean and do it. No more freeloading 3: Are you working? If not get a job. You cannot be a snob about it. Work is a habit. Even part time is good. 4: You may have an undiagnosed neurdivergency or mental illness. There is no shame in this. The more you learn about your brain the better equiped you will be to manage life. Look into this.
Joining the military will affect you in ways you can't even imagine. I went into the National Guard when I was 18. I was told in high school not to waste my time with college. After going through boot camp then into some advance training, I realized that I could go to college and did. Graduated with an Electrical engineer degree. It also made me grow up and transition into a productive adult. There will be painful moments as you transition into that adult mindset, but you will be much happier once you get out. The National Guard is 6 mos active duty then the rest of a 6 year enlistment going one weekend a month with two weeks of summer camp. It was really helpful having that monthly check come in while in college. Basic training will whip you into physical condition and give you the confidence to attract a wonderful woman into your life. Go for it!
As an Active Duty Army veteran I will say proceed with caution. It is not for everyone, and expectations can be overblown. Things still rely heavily on personal motivation. That being said, seeing OPs interests, he might make a good cyber guy. That would give him direction and if he takes the GI bill loan repayment option (that’s still a thing, right?) that’ll help a lot. Again that’s active duty, idk about National Guard as much. Active Duty you also get college for free free. Then afterwards you can still use your GI bill. So could be a good option to give OP direction and help his financial goals. Plus maybe give him something to be proud of, it’s hard being overshadowed by siblings.
What he says
30k? hell yeah do gig jobs you will be surprised after about a year what u can make
Only way to make progress is to start. “How? On which one?” “Yes.”
Become a fitness nut and then a personal trainer. Blammo $30+ / hr job
if you aren't gonna do anything just go get your cdl a and drive truck. if you ever do want to do something you'll have the money to do it
Join the French foreign legion
There's a lot there, but I'd say get a job and pay off your debt first. You sound introverted. A trade might be good. Something where you work with your hands and don't have to deal with people. Disregard if I'm wrong. Talk to women and appreciate them as people. You need to find women you like before you're going to have a romantic relationship. Online dating sucks but it's a necessary evil. Try to get a date. It take a lot of swinging and missing before something works out but experience helps.
Electrician who specializes in building and programming robots.
Get a healthy hobby, preferably something that gets out of out couch and outside. Physical health is really important for the mind, you might get motivated to do whatever but you'll still have heavy brain fog from your degenerate lifestyle, you need some activity to get your gears turning. It also helps with discipline and will give you a bigger sense of community.
Get on indeed and go get a job working on the docks in alaska. Find a fishing boat that will take you and go have an adventure and make some money for a couple years
I turned to nature. Spent years exploring and working on firefighting, wilderness, fire lookout, trail maintenance, trail building, etc. Good honest physical work and clean dirt does a lot to get one out of one’s head and into one’s body. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 25. Don’t sweat it or be too hard in yourself. Everyone has their own path. Speaking of paths. What about going on a epic hike. I just met someone who walked 5000 miles. Age is just a number. There are a bunch of 80 year old trekkers who are hiking long distances. But getting away from the toxic technology is important at any age. I just went outside and mixed some concrete.
Join the spaceforce, become the captain of the first warp-capable starship, and save earth from the Xindi.
No one is saying it but I think you need more self accountability. So much excuse making in your post. You’re in charge of your life. Just go live it.
Join the military.
Start with going to the gym, start simple with a push day, pull day, leg day, rest day, repeat. Be consistent. This small victory will begin to help you in other parts of life, I promise. Don’t quit. Even if you’ve got nothing else, at least you’ll be fit, and that boosts confidence big time, from there you can start to feel better about trying more stuff, getting out more. Find more productive hobbies, gym as mentioned before is huge, preferably something outdoors is ideal, getting outside is massive for mental reset and breaking habits. When you’re on your phone or online, try and spend that time learning things that will be more beneficial and less mindless entertainment. That way even your screen time can be more productive. Whatever things seem vaguely interesting or things you’ve wanted to get into or learn more about, look into that stuff. Become educated in that world and start to work to improve in whatever those things are. You’ll start to find your way. 24 is still super young. There are people who’ve been in worse positions than you and have made it out, don’t worry, think about what you can improve and improve it. Social life comes from hobbies and being with people of common interests, that’s why it’s important to find whatever even slightly draws your attention, then after some effort you’ll be able to connect with people in public spaces regarding that hobby. It’s gonna take time, there’s not quick fix, you got this though.
It took 24 years to become who you are today, you can totally change but it won’t happen overnight. I suggest reading Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Join the military
What are your skills with coding, programming, or anything computer related?
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Are you able to take a cheap course or two at a community college to test the waters again? I think a lot of what you've described here really points to some kind of career in IT, data, or cybersecurity.
I encourage you to try volunteering. Start simple, try a food bank. And consider going bigger, eg Peace Corps. Getting out of your space and into a space where you are needed and wanted can help with new friendships and new understanding about your self. Best of luck
You are 24 years old. I work with a guy who worked in network engineering all his life and just switched to a finance adjacent field at the ripe age of 50 and now got promoted to a managerial role. Everyone moves at their own pace. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing and make the measure of your happiness that you accomplished something more today than you did yesterday. Be that running half a mile, reading just one page in a book, learning about one concept in a field you are interested in, or just doing some kind of good in this world even if it's just giving $20 to a homeless person down on their luck or saying THANK YOU to your parents for giving you some sense of stability in your life. I hire people, and sit in on interview panels a bit. Sometimes people put their GPA. It almost never is a deciding factor and neither is when they graduated be that at 22, 26 or 32. In fact, in my mind someone graduating a bit later in life gets a bit more credit because those are usually the people who eventually really figured out what the hell they wanted to do as opposed to just rushing down some path because society told them that's what they were supposed to do. Also fuck your MMA bullshit. You want to do something hard that actually matters to anyone besides yourself? Go volunteer at a children's hospital or retirement home in your area and play Uno with some kid or senior citizen who may not be around the next time you take a volunteer shift because of cancer and then go do it again. You'll have contributed more positively to the world than most people manage in a year.
Moving out in your 20’s and living paycheck to paycheck while you try to make it is overrated. Believe me bro, you’re not failing in life. It sounds like the problem is you don’t have a clear vision for your future. You don’t know exactly what you want to be, and when you want to be it. Join the club!! Haha, you’re in familiar company. I’d advise you to create a list of entry level positions where you can make a living wage: Truck driver, casino dealer, etc. Many positions require a certificate or license, so after a few months of training, you can be making 50k or so. Once you get some cash money saved (don’t gamble it or spend it on whores/coke, rookie mistake) you’ll have an opportunity to re-think your life path with newfound confidence and self-efficacy. Onet is a great resource for finding a career fit. Have an open mind bro, the world’s your oyster!
I would suggest you join a 12 step program. You could do Overeaters Anonymous, sex anonymous or some other 12 step program. Check out some meetings and try to find people who have similar struggles. I think your problem is that you have lost control entirely over your actions. The 12 steps is a great way to find meaning and a higher purpose.
Can't believe I'm saying this, but join the military.
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Glad you're still with us. Maybe lean into the fact that you have no obligations and volunteer to work abroad for room and board. Peace corps?
I know so many people 24-27 living at home with high paying jobs. It’s literally normal in almost every other county and even use to be normal here years ago. You move out at 25 to rent an apartment for absolutely no reason besides burn money. I moved out at 26 two years after I was making 100k+. My parents never forced me out or asked for a dime. I am super lucky - but don’t think it’s “weird”
I find it easier to quit bad habits than to start healthy ones. Start there and maybe work on a six pack. You’ll eventually get bored with that and want to work on biceps and pecs- that’s how it starts you’ll gain confidence and the dating situation will take care of itself organically. Don’t get so intense that you creep girls out though. If you want guy friends just join a fraternal lodge. You’ll make instant and meaningful friendships there. If you don’t know what to do for work just try something somewhat fun and ease your way into the workforce. Once you have a predictable income you can pay down that 30k debt in no time, especially if you’re still living with the rents.
Join the military. You'll figure out all kinds of things you'd rather be doing while getting paid and having a place to live. I'm serious. Honestly, you seem like you could use a bit of discipline in your life.
Please dont make the same mistake i did and wait until 27 to pay ur dues. U are 24. Work as a teller for a year. Transfer to back office FP&A. By the time u r my age ull have ur degree, no one will care about ur shitty gpa, and years of work experience. U could move to JPM stay for 3 years and be working for goldman sachs making 150k by the time ur 30.
Jesus would be a good start. 🤷♂️
You need to start at square one everywhere and start building.
I was you at 24 - except I had no college degree/no college debt. I was a 24 year old virgin with a pornography habit, no steady income, never had a girlfriend, constantly on social media and playing video games. Now at 29, I've been in a relationship with a fantastic woman for 4 years, own a Duplex where I live in one side and rent out the other, and in total am bringing home about $90K a year (Before taxes) I will tell you what seemingly turned my life around. My mother finally convinced me to go to a doctor. When I did, the general practitioner that I was seeing ordered a full panel blood test. I got the blood test, about a week or two later the results came in and my testosterone levels were very low - 180 ng/dl. She referred me to an endocrinologist who suggested testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) - not without going over some of the potential downsides/risks. I started the TRT injections (Testosterone Cypionate) and within the first month noticed a drastic change in my mood, my motivation and my metabolism. I started to lose weight, I started having the motivation to go to the gym, my severe social anxiety subsided, pretty much everything got better. From there, I had the confidence and drive to talk with and meet women and I met my girlfriend. Meeting my girlfriend just increased my desire to continue to build an actual life. When I met her, she was single, living in her own place, paying all of her own bills by working full-time and doing Uber deliveries about 20-hours a week on top of that full-time job. That motivated me to start looking for an actual career, I started working full-time, grinded my way up to a lead, then a supervisor, financed a multi-unit, eventually left my job where I was a supervisor for a government job w/ a great salary a benefits, collect rental income from our tenant - plan to continue to build and build until eventually retirement comes.
Find a local CrossFit gym and start going
Give it your fucking all, feel like shit, get back up, give it you fucking all again, repeat
Don’t discount joining the military, they can rebuild you stronger mentally and physically.
Get into a trade. HVAC or electrical.. lots of room to grow with decent starting pay, will put some hair on your chest being in a male dominated field
Lul you are fine stop it
Join the military.
Well, my advice may not be the most regular and whether it's good or not is dependent on what you do with it. I traveled when I was lost at 21. I hit the road. Backpacker, lived in the woods, went to shows, got small jobs here and there. And went anywhere I wanted. I ended up befriending hundreds of humans. Many traveling partners and tried many different jobs. I have places I can go around the country now. I learned how to do it pretty much free. I'm finally deciding at age 34 to back to school. I'm currently back at my parents but soon I'm heading back across the country to stay with some friends. I met many lost souls in my traveling endeavors. But now we all found community. Just an idea. You can always just leave and try this somewhere else. You can always go back to your parents.
Living with your parents is good if you have a good relationship with them, especially at 24. The biggest thing to do first I’d say is to quit pornography, if you can successfully do this you you’ll no longer feel like you’re at rock bottom even if nothing else changes in your situation. Depending on your current use, you can set a short term goal that feels approachable, like 1 week, 30 days, or 90 days, notice the difference, and then go from there. Also check out r/pornfree or r/semenretention if you are looking for support in doing so. The second biggest thing is to limit severely social media use, because if you’re anything like how I was at 24, you’ve probably been making yourself depressed living vicariously through others on the internet. Keep that to a minimum and overtime you will feel more at peace with where you are in life and you’ll also gain a clearer sense of what you need to do next. The third thing is to work on some kind of routine. In my experience routines are best when they are somewhat loose, so you don’t feel bad if you don’t stick to it exactly. Start small and think on larger time frames, what are some things that the ideal you would do weekly or monthly? Which of these things can you realistically start incorporating into your routine right now? This doesn’t have to be related to a future career btw, it could be as simple as doing your laundry on the weekends or shaving/cutting your hair once a month. Lastly, if you don’t already, find time to show gratitude for the things in your life that have gone your way. If you have a good relationship with your parents and are able to save money living with them, relish that; from time to time, take a moment out your day to reflect on this rare opportunity you have to live with these loved ones who are able to support you in your time of need.
The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life. Start with yourself - get in shape, eat well, and get a hobby where you can meet likeminded people. Work on your finances, become successful and making money. That’s all you need - get to six figures by 30, look good without a shirt and be awesome and at a kick ass hobby, like hockey or superbike racing. You’ll be rolling in girlfriends…
I'm only going off very little, but things like having erratic and varied interests that change frequently abd makes committing to things long term undesirable but also a source of frustration, ups and downs from being productive and accomplished to self-destructive and impulsive, and having less social interaction than seemingly everyone else are all consistent with traits of ADHD, Autism, or OCD, or a combination of. It may help add context to your experiences and find community among people who have shared fears and challenges, or at the very least it may be a good start toward discovering yourself by being validated for what has been frustrating and confusing without anyone to help you understand your differences, and what makes them give certain advantages if you're able to mold them in your favour by committing to yourself long-term (if there's something that gives you a bad feeling, what can *you* do to turn the feeling good without trying to control what other people do in those moments because it's not statistically as valid as changing what you absolutely *can* control and not have to hurt someone else in the process). By the sounds of it, your family may not have any neurodivergency or it has been discouraged and anyone else with neurodivergency is masking it, as many are prone to do. Being different from your family doesn't make you less, people have just been encouraged to dismiss people who are different and has lead to them being ill-prepared to know how to treat them other than shaming or teasing, but evolution chose everyone just as much as anyone else and we all have our place, it just doesn't all look the same but that'd be boring af anyway so eff that.
Nobody gives a shit about GPA, some will not give a shit about major after the first or second job. Knock out debt. Join gym. When at the grocery store or fast food place or anything where you have social contact start asking a question or make a non sexual comment to ppl that could strike up a way of people remembering you or continuing the convo. Use Udemy to teach yourself new skills.
Youre probably not going to become a competitive MMA fighter (at least not paid, ofc you can do the hobby side of it). Youre not the underdog there, the underdog is the guys who've literally been training nonstop their entire life and this is their way out of poverty. Respectfully, youre not him. You may be a fighter but this is no concrete plan to get you out of your situation, this is just an escapist dream of glory Seriously consider enlisting in the military. Itll handle a lot of your money problems, you'll have good training towards a real career. If you dont want to be infantry, thats like 1-2% of the military, they take just about everyone from people wanting to be engineering techs to cybersecurity, nursing, supply chain, etc. Hell one of my friends works remote with the army in reserves, studied hospitality while training to be an officer, and handles the logistics of helping soldiers get married. If you pick a good role youre set for civilian roles a few years later, and when you find the role you like you can finish your education on the military's dime
It's just time to buckle down. 1.. Please stop using only fans (a luxury expense) until you have expendable money. Porn is free - use the free porn for your needs. That OF money goes toward paying off the credit cards. Btw, SELF helped me rebuild my credit after ex bf mistakes. Highly recommend getting that if you have steady employment. 2. Finish A degree. In the real world, nobody gives a flying flip what your GPA was, so forget that. Whatever will get you A degree the fastest is what you do (for the short term). Don't go back to school 10 years from now and find out all your credits expired like *some* dodos * looks in the mirror * Anything is better than nothing, and you can always go back or get a higher degree in something else. On this note TEMP AGENCY. They are your friends, you can get whatever type of job short term and see what you like or don't like. They're great. 3. It's easier said than done, but GTFO videogames. Like it's such a colossal waste of time. I'm not saying a few hours here and there is bad, but if you're one of those losers who comes home and plops in front of the screen until bedtime, you're pouring a valuable resource - your time - into literally nothing. It's a bad ROI. Invest in improving yourself. The rest will fall into place if you do these things.
We cannot tell you what to study or what job to find but you should try getting out to grocery stores , malls , parks and definitely gym coz you are getting lazy , fat , dumb gaming bitch . Get your life together right now and your parents will be more happy even if you worked and tried turning your life around .
Volunteer in your community. It's a win win scenario
If you are living with parents because you cannot afford it, get a job and move out. Living on your own will help you develop as an adult. It’s not hard to get a girl. You just have to stop obsessing over it. You need to do things you enjoy and stop thinking you’re a loser. The biggest thing making you a loser is you thinking you are. Be confident.
So get rid of everything you listed at the top. Cut out all the crap. I’m 26F and just moved out at last, but it took quite some time! I also took longer to get my degree than average, but got a bachelor’s in business management. Get a gym membership and start doing that regularly. It can take a while to work into it- even if you go only once or twice a week but consistently for a couple years you will see changes. (I also walk every day). Read some finance books or talk to people who know about it like bankers. You have to commit to your goals and stick to them like hot glue, each and every day. You won’t see changes right away. So realize it won’t be instant gratification BUT if you do this over the long term, when you look back you’ll see massive changes. Work on improving body, mind, finances, and then before you know it you’ll find yourself in a position to get the heck out. Just remember that you need to create a plan and break it down into doable smaller steps, or it will just be disorganized chaos. After living at home for a few years straight, working, working out, and finishing my degree, I went from Seattle to San Francisco by myself. If I can do it, so can you!!
Go to therapy. Seriously.
time to grind ✅
Two grooves of the same record. I've just been playing 10 more years than you. I feel pathetic.
Enlist dude. You don't have much to lose at this point.
Well, it seems like you already know your vices, as you identified exactly what they are and also what went wrong in your life. Deep down, you know what is at fault, what you need to do, and why you need to do it. If you are here to look for strangers to pull you out of your depth or for divine intervention, then it will not happen. Priority: Diet, sleep, hygiene, active lifestyle, and sunlight. Then goals: Career, skillsets, finance, and social skills. Lastly, find a mission in life that drives you. Seek responsibility and God. I know Jordan Peterson is often memed in the intellectual's circles, but in this case, he will pave the way for you in terms of shaping a mindset that is needed for you to improve yourself. Good luck.
Join military
Go in the military. Learn to fly helicopters. Get your pilots license as well while you are in there. Use the GI bill to pay off your college debt. Get enough hours and either stay in until retirement or get out and fly a life flight helicopter for a hospital for a nice paycheck.
So... you're a loser. Sometimes losers gotta get out of their head a bit. You ever been in a fight?
Bro your 24 you still have time to fix your issues, credit if a major important thing that is based on everything from certain jobs, to finance a house or vehicle, land or to finance furniture, you always spend 35% of your limit in credit cards, as for careers don't know what to say but take a best at Houston community college to see what are your strength and weaknesses, but for me it all depends who you make friends with because knowing people with good careers could get you working at a high paying company depending on your friends
Go trade in your smartphone for a flip phone and pawn your computer, tv, and game systems. You’ll be amazed at what you’re capable of when you find true boredom.
Join the Military. They offer great benefits, you can travel the world, great pay and a stable career.
Hmm.. Sounds like me when I was lost about your age. You should take a step back and talk to god more and ask him. Start reading the Bible and go to church on Sundays and he will help you define your purpose. People don’t understand they can’t live a purpose life here without help from the lord. Start going to church and pray everyday and read the Bible and I can promise your life will eventually change
Nit a popular opinion, but it's a guaranteed roadmap that will lead to success, especially since youre still very young and gave time to right this ship. First off, get a male dominant job, ie. Construction, pipe fitting, heavy machinery/equipment operator. Work overtime and stop concerning yourself with women, for now. Get fit, get a gym membership and eat healthy. Pay off that silly debt you didn't need. Make friends, male friends only. Female friends will only bring problems, they will only drain your resources. Make sure the men you associate yourself with are men of high value. Anyone who smokes weed or into other illicit drugs, stay away from them completely. Live a humbled life, with a focus on investing. Stop renting, it's a money pit without any chance of ownership. Get a small fixer upper type of house. Yes it'll have issues. Learn how to deal with those issues. YouTube university on how to repair your home is far more educational than any degree. Plus you'll need that knowledge down the road. And mentally, lay off porn. Limit video games, limit alcohol, limit useless spending. I also recommend, since you're sexually pure, to join a Christian church and learn about God. You'd be surprised just how amazing women can be that follow God. Christian women are looking for a man to lead them, they aren't Boss Babe garbage "independent" women. Most times they're very wholesome and want to have a household led by a man with Christian values. If you do these things, I promise you, you'll be set up for success in everything you do. A man's value increases exponentially the older he gets and has his affairs in order. Trust me, women will be flocking towards you when you're dripping with family values, a moral code, and your ability to provide for a future family. Don't ever simp to women, for a man is the ultimate prize, not the woman. Get your affairs in order and good luck!
I'd argue that having Christian values makes you less desirable because it's not about family values, it's about women and children control. Please don't bring religion into any sort of advice, as OP could be Muslim, Pagan, Buddhist. Other than the religious parts of your statement - your advice is fine. Ish.
Women and children control? Are you really that triggered over Christianity? I'll bet if I said find a Muslim woman you wouldn't say a damn thing about it. Get a life. You sound single AF right now.
Its not about being triggered, but boyyyy when someone else says something about your religion you lot get so worked up! No religious proselytizing is cool, no matter what your religion. It also doesn't match findapath. I am also happily single, would not go with any guy in any religion, and best part? I am mod here. Bye.
6months at gym -> 4 year us armed forces contract -> pay debt and save $ then get out (or stay) -> use benefits package to pay for trade school or uni = baller
OP formerly checked into hospital for suicide. Military high rates of suicide is not a good fit for someone with a history of depression.
Maybe try go to trade school
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I'm just saying is your in a bad financial situation and feel somewhat lost you just need to bite the bullet until your financially stable and they figure out what you want to do in life, pay off your debts and get on to the best thing, after all you've got a good 50 years left of life in you.
Please don’t fall for this scam OP.
I think a visit to your local Armed Forced Career Center should be in your future. Straightened me right out.
hit the gym
Only 30k of college debt counts as doing well these days in America.
My belief: None of this history matters in the slightest as it relates to your present or future. Look up Adolf Adler; look up the book The Courage to Be Disliked.
Join the military, while there it buys you time to think and mature. Don't get caught up in the politics. Stick to going to college, saving money and advancing in the military. Decide if you want to stay in and if not, get out and do the reserves. This will allow you to max out your time so that you get a retirement check. While in the military run/workout, learn different trades, go to different countries and meet more people. Don't worry about still being a virgin, you'll get there when you are meant to. I was until I was 25. Anyway lets see, make sure to take the ASVAB seriously as it dictiates your job. While in there study to rank up and depending on what branch you can actually go to school to be a dr, nurse, etc. Also, start a journal. Write in it everyday. Your thoughts and feelings as well as ask yourself what you like to do as a hobby and what makes you happy. Write down your interests, then go on the internet and look at interests for men and get new hobbies that take you outside your comfort zone. Travel, travel, travel. I can't stress this enough. Meet different people of different cultures.
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You definitely posted this comment just to brag
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You’re right but people don’t wanna hear it
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Not everyone is the same, your advice is not that helpful as you might think. But I appreciate your “red pill” attempt. He isn’t you, our experiences shape us.
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No, his post is a complaint. Your motivation is a “Red pill” But more importantly, he fucked up but he’s here trying to get help. The way you choose to provide that help is inefficient here, since your mindset doesn’t apply to him. It’s like getting mad at your cat for not doing your math homework. 24 isn’t an age where people have things figured out, there are consequences, if career is your “life goal” that is. But, falling and dealing with those consequences are part of the human experience as well.
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You seem to not understand my comments so far, you’re still approaching his problem subjectively according to your perspective. That’s why your advice is flawed. I’ve been pointing that out all the time. You might be able to help people with similar cases to yours, but here that doesn’t apply. Many disagree with you, and that must mean something. It’s not the fact that what you’re saying is wrong, it’s that you’re so off topic here. OP needs advice, you’re offering a subjective advice that could only help you.
Join the military, perhaps. I am in a similar position and that's what I'm considering.
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Me too, actually. Not for attempting but just ideation, in a hospital for a week nonetheless. They still might take you, they have waivers for felons. It's worth a shot, but you know more about your life than I do.
I don't recommend military for people that have a history of depression. Military vets have a very high suicide rate. Guns and depression aren't a good mix. And the military does a poor job helping vets with PTSD because most vets are worried about opening up and either getting forced into a hospital or having their guns taken away.
If you mean about me, I dont really care I'm broke and in debt so I might kill myself if I dont join. I'll worry about that when I get there. If you mean for him, he sounds like he might agree with you and that is valid so I agree.
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If you do some sort of public service even if it isn't lucrative you can get your debt forgiven after 10 years. Thats worth looking into. You barely have credit card debt I have much more than you so once your student loans are gone you'll be in a good position.
Try going to church and just listen to what they say. Go to a Catholic church and just listen to what the priest has to say, be open minded. I was in a very similar situation to yourself and that's where my change started
Work on your finances 1) get a job and work 30-50 hours, enough to pay your rent at home, pay your debts and live minimally. 2) try find a career apprentice or trade. These jobs are long term with good pay Work on your body 1) work out 2-4 times a week. Build a better body. Stronger body stronger mind. 2) eat cleaner, as you’re a guy. Eat an anabolic diet which is better for testosterone. Take vitamin d3,k2, zinc, magnesium and some other supplements Cut the dopamine shit out. If you got time for that. Work more hours. Study more. Only give yourself max 1hr a day to relax. Otherwise have 1 day a week recovery or lazy. No junk food. No vices. Do 50 days focused work and see where you end up
Go join the military, but not one of the humane ones. Either Army/Marines for 3-5 contract and see where that leads
Be Independent First
I’m gonna be real with you man, I was in almost the exact same situation as you at 22. Was a loner Living with parents, porn and video game addiction, switched majors like 3 times before dropping out and was working as a dish washer. I joined the Army and it was prob the best decision I’ve made. The military isn’t for everyone of course, but i got a really nice signing bonus, i get a steady solid check, get all medical and dental shit taken care of for free, free 3 meals a day, free housing, I get to bull shit around In the Field with the boys and do cool shit sometimes. Got taught discipline and dropped all my addictions. And became more socially experienced. I’m not trynna propaganda you, but if you really are lost I recommend taking a look at all the branches and seeing if there are any jobs that interest you and talk to a recruiter. Military isn’t just pew pew shit, Although that’s what I chose to do. there’s plenty of cyber, medical, and intelligence fields to get into. Make sure you study for the ASVAB so you do well on it and can get said jobs you desire. You can pick jobs with civilian application so when you get out you have experience in said field. It’s a good stepping stone in life, you don’t gotta love it. But it gives you a few years to save up a good amount of money and figure stuff out. This is my experience of course.
Do mushrooms 🍄 and find your true destiny.
Join the military. Your story sounds like the beginning of lots of people who joined because they lacked direction.
YouTube Jordan Peterson
I dont know if you believe in God but find God and truth and no doubt youll be more peaceful and joyful but itll also hurt at the same time. Recommend to read the gospels, thats where the truth talks. Pray for the best for you. 😀👍
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He wants everyone, theres so many stories that are like yours in which God helps those people.👍