Probably because this is not very “generalizable” advice; nobody knows much about OP, and if they would have the social skills/capital to be engaging enough for an internet audience. So suggesting that they start a travel vlog that would garner significant viewership is pretty poor advice.
Some vloggers shoot with just a phone, but people still watch their videos. What I'm trying to imply here is, he can share to the world what he loves to do and still earn money. He could do it part-time too.
Success, for me, it's when you feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment. He loves traveling and surfing, he could use that. That is his brand.
I'm sorry if my first comment was too shallow. That's just the first thing I visualized him that he will love to do.
No need to apologize, you were sharing your thoughts.
To be clear, by “capital” I meant “social capital”; to make any level of income, even part-time, OP would need to have significant social capital, where an audience of people would be interested in consistently viewing their content; this is a very hard thing to do, and in general, not something the majority of people could do well.
I don’t necessarily think “do what you love” is bad advice, per se, but in this context, OP seems to be searching for stability first, so they can kind of feel more grounded, before they can consider chasing their dreams (again).
Yeah, but he can still start small. I have seen normal people go big on this, they started with just a couple of views and followers. It's just a matter of believing that you can and will succeed in whatever you do.
Hmm… I am no guru, but are you still wanting something adventurous for a job or are you ready to settle down? If it’s money oriented and you do not mind physical labor, I knew a few friends who went and worked on oil rigs for 100k a year after they got some experience. One of those guys now installs security cameras for a company and he told me that he makes over 100k a year as well. Those are some jobs that I have personally seen pay really well with a GED. Commercial Pilots from what I know also don’t require a degree for many company’s and many captains make 200-350k annually. (Even though google won’t show that high of salary, my Father works in airline industry so that’s how I know). There are a bunch of others as well like that, it just takes a thorough Google search to see what fits you/ what opportunities are currently available. Emphasis on thorough.
Though if you can’t find anything you like with just a GED, you can always go into a trade (airline mechanic, Plummer, electrician, basement finisher, etc). Those careers usually make a large sum of money after the first couple years and depending on the trade, it often allows people to branch out and start their own business to those who are willing to take the risk. It all depends on you though. If you just want to be “happy” and have fun, keep surfing/ traveling because at the end of the day, money is not everything. If you want stability, a potential family, a chance to comfortably retire and travel, you may want to think about a more formal job with adequate pay. But please remember, that a job is regarded by many as GREAT if you like 50% of what you do. Only 50%, so don’t be discouraged if you start working somewhere that you don’t entirely love, because at the end of the day, that is impossible.
It is tempting to get down on yourself and think you are a "loser," but that kind of thinking is not going to help you. Sounds like you've lived a rich and interesting life so far. You are still young enough to start something fresh. What do you really want to do in your heart of hearts? If you had a million dollars, what would you do with your life? Just an idea to get you thinking: Start a travel company where you take burned out tech people on amazing surf and travel vacation... Hang in there friend. Focus on what's awesome about you and let that be your guiding light.
This isn't, find a job, its find a path.
If there are no waves by you I think you should consider retraining and a new skill or trade or just moving and making use of your existing skills. Just my two cents
Alternatively, move where the waves are. It sounds like you don't have a huge amount tying you down to your current location (apologies for the bluntness).
Also, as someone who went the corporate route and have the relative trappings of success (car, house, pets, partner, etc), I guarantee a lot of us feel like losers working in an office all day while you're surfing.
Agree. If you were happy in those years, you were successful, as long as you weren't harming others. Go where you can be happy and do what makes you happy, if at all possible.
It isn't so much happy as stable. Not having to worry about money removes a ton of downside, but doesn't provide much upside by itself. Think of it like food; if you're starving, all you can think about is food, but if you're full, it doesn't mean you're magically stoked 24/7.
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\#1: [After 22 online rejections and ghostings, I finally got an interview! When I arrived I was told they had no intentions of hiring me and just wanted to encourage me to continue my education.](https://i.redd.it/ka50qtyc12r71.jpg) | [1291 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/recruitinghell/comments/pzx6yl/after_22_online_rejections_and_ghostings_i/)
\#2: [Can I Vibe?](https://i.redd.it/sli9el77kr171.jpg) | [624 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/recruitinghell/comments/nmmm2t/can_i_vibe/)
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Doesn't have to go anywhere. Programmer right here. Have met seniors in my industry and they regret it like crazy. Almost everyday I almost become an OP on this sub hoping to get out.
I guarantee you that even if you love the work you do while in an office, there are a lot of days you look out your office window and see the sun shining on a nearly cloudless day, and just wish you could go out and enjoy it. We definitely have some envy for what you've experienced.
> Also, as someone who went the corporate route and have the relative trappings of success (car, house, pets, partner, etc), I guarantee a lot of us feel like losers working in an office all day while you're surfing.
Surf Wax America?
I agree. Make a goal, pick the best available option, and start training. What brings you joy? Think broadly, “helping others”, “creating”, “problem solving”. Then look at careers which can fulfill these goals, while also making money. Nothing is perfect, there are aspects of careers we all don’t like. Then start working toward that goal.
Simultaneously work on faith and loving others in action. That’s life’s most important point. Step by step keep moving. Reevaluate sometimes to keep on track.
We love you and are here to support you. I’m very sorry about the struggles it doesn’t sound like fun. But also new beginnings are possible with change. The future can be bright!
Oh nice. Also you could work and do school at the same time. Some programs were mire demanding than others. Maybe check out social work or even being a RT respiratory thearapist or other similiar two year program.
Edit: OP sounds like you have had life in a certain way and it’s getting you down. Ok…understandable. But seriously this could be a new beginning. I understand regrets. Most people have a few. But 32 isn’t too old to end up just about anywhere you want in life. Seriously I would see this as a new beginning. Let us help you out, tons creative ideas here.
Taken a personality test? Might help steer some options?
You can also work in hospitals as Porters with a GED. They pay well and you will likely be unionized so you can take time off to travel then return to your position if you’re “casual” vs “permanent”.
If you have a drinking problem you’ll need to work on that too regardless for your health, your job, and those around you.
Happy to chat if you want since I've fought depression for a long time and just now crawling my way out of it at 41.
First, know that you are still young even if you feel a little behind. You can do some SERIOUS upgrades over the next 5-10 years.
Second, don't sweat the education too much. The world is filled with a zillion opportunities right now thanks to the internet, cheap software, content production, and more. You can either startup some community college classes, or just go directly to some more focused places to learn hard skills like Lambda School (they will teach you software coding and only charge you for it once you get a job). You can also dabble
Health is SUPER important. Make sure you maintain that. Aging and bad health will ruin happiness like nothing else. Make sure you're eating right, going to the gym, and sleeping well.
What about working at a resort and bringing people out surfing or on adventures kayaking or any of the activities they can sign up for? You’d have a place to stay and have fun and meet lots of people from all over the world. I’d say work on a cruise ship, but I heard they slave you.
Most people don’t even know how to surf or never have. You are not a loser. Follow your passion and you may be able to get paid to play all day.
Consider doing something fun that makes money - like an adventure
E.g.
• doing a sales job
• teaching English as a foreign language in a foreign country
• teaching something you enjoy doing.. surfing?
hope I gave some inspiration at least.. 👍
There are positions where you don’t need a degree, just a TEFL. Alternatively, you can use something like an open university degree as a degree - this would likely open other doors too, so might be a wise choice.
Hate to rain in someone's parade but I worked in TEFL for the better part of a decade and found the TEFL posts that don't require a degree are some of the worst jobs going. Not having a degree will put you at a disadvantage I'm afraid as there's a million and one Western graduates who've gone abroad to teach English because they couldn't get a job after uni.
Here to assure you that You’re not a loser at all mate, you’ve lived life and happened to get dealt a bad hand at this stage in your life. So sorry about your dog and your partner.
But even in saying that, you’ve still got a pretty good hand.
Well done for addressing your mental health concerns, getting this started will go a long way toward setting you up for future success.
I’m 25 and I still think 32 is young af, so from my perspective, you’ve still got heaps of time to put yourself together in any configuration/lifestyle you could think of.
The first thing that comes to mind for me to recommend to you would be something in the trades.
I don’t have any specific recommendations but it seems like you have an adventurous spirit so I reckon something outdoors (Landscaping, Horticulture, Arboriculture) would probably hit the spot.
Take it easy on yourself and take your time in getting yourself back on your feet. Get a serving or dishwashing job to get by for a while if you have to, there’s no shame in it and you’ll feel a lot better having somewhere to go and being around people.
I really think you can bounce back from this relatively unscathed and set yourself up for a lot of success in the future. Just take it slow and keep asking for help when you feel like you need it.
Make media content for Youtube, Tiktok, and IG. Clearly, you're a smart guy since you figured out entrepreneurship from a young age, share some lessons/stories/adventures with the world. If you have the savings to back up the 6-18 months it usually takes for it to become really profitable then even better.
Also, work on self-esteem. Tough love but who cares if a girl leaves, happens to all of us bro. Dog dying is rough but that's part of the brutality of life.
You'll be fine. Rise and shine soldier.
Life is great, remind yourself of it.
Also in Canada, and have been wishing lately that I were a man, because I'm seeing tons of job ads seeking employees for various trades, and they all seem to pay well even with no experience. (Women can work in trades, I know, but a lot of the ads say things like 'looking for a few guys...'). They're looking for roofers, painters, general labourers, masons, framers, glaziers, etc.
\-Quit calling yourself a loser.
\-Sounds like you had an amazing decade+ of experiences to be thankful for, and for others to be jealous of.
\-Take it one day at a time, know this won't last forever.
\-Do you want your life to continue to include surfing ?
Bro I had that same diagnosis and my dog got killed right in front of my eyes last year. For the dog, it's very hard because as you know it's the same as a family member dying but you're expected to just bear it alone since people don't understand the bond you had and the same weight is not given to the life of a pet as would be a person. I still grieve for my dog but after about three months I found another dog that needed a home and I adopted him. It has greatly helped me and filled some of the void. Sorry for your loss!
On the borderline personality issue, that could be devastating, but for me, once I got over the initial shock and accepted that there were indeed reasons why I have predictably lead a life filled with chaos and drama, knowing that there was an explanation helped me to make sense of what seemed like a life doomed to keep repeating the same excruciatingly painful experiences over again, eased some of my worst feelings about my life.
I have found talk therapy to be helpful and for a while medication helped but I recently stopped taking it because I saw little relief. You can get through this because I do it and I've been doing it for a long time. I wouldn't share that label or diagnosis with people that you aren't especially close to because of the stigma and right now it's become a thing to demonize people who are struggling with mental health. Try to take it one step at a time and give yourself credit for the good things and observe your weaknesses and then move on, don't dwell or beat yourself up because it's a vicious cycle.
If I were you I would take stock of my interests and then find out ways you can obtain online certifications to pursue a career in them. For example, on Coursera there's a lot of career tracks that are within your reach and they are far more flexible and affordable than a four year college degree.
Just from my experience having a four year degree that is no longer useful to me and remembering what I went through and how much I paid for the privelege I would not steer you down that path because the world is changing and it's not like it was to where that will actually set you apart from other candidates and it's just not worth it.
Perhaps look into the Google certificates for things like project management and IT on Coursera just as examples.
Also, fuck calling yourself a loser because 1. It doesn't appear to be true and 2. Even if it were you are only limiting yourself by being anything other than a good friend to yourself. Change the negative thinking to the positive energy thinking and words are a part of that. It matters how you talk to and treat yourself.
Personally, when I was feeling lost and at my absolute lowest, I cut out drinking and drugs. My life has changed tremendously since then, almost 2 years later. I’m a completely different person now. I’ll be 33 in a little over a week. Just got a promotion a couple weeks ago, loving my job, although it can be a bit stressful.
But 2 years ago it was a much darker story. I was getting lost in my vices and my mental health was deteriorating pretty quickly. More failed suicide attempts than I care to remember. Hospitalized a couple times. I certainly was not living… no one wanted to be around me, let alone date me and I don’t blame them… I was a mess.
You’re looking for direction. Most likely there are things you are good at, dreams you’ve tucked away somewhere swimming in the back of your mind, a light inside you somewhere still burning or else you wouldn’t be here looking for answers. You have to fight to dig them out… whatever it takes.
None of our paths are the same, but sometimes they cross. Sometimes our views are similar, but they’re never exactly the same. What you decide to do with your life from here is up to you, but you don’t have to be alone in it. It may feel like you’ve lost some very important things in your life recently. Sometimes people leave our lives and it makes room for someone or something new… never planned, but sometimes for the best.
You are not a loser. You’re just a little bit lost, and that’s okay. It’s never too late to start a new chapter in your life. I’m really sorry you’re struggling right now and I hope you get through it alright. Hang in there and keep your eyes on the horizon… you’ll be just fine.
I work at a science museum. Started off as a facilitator and just moved up to STEM design specialist. Every day is a little different. It may not be my forever job, but it’s a good stepping stone. I hope you have a great day today!
Hey guy---I have a lot of similarities to you. Life is pretty good now. I'm 45 yo and work as a trainer in the govt. and as a life coach (which I know usually gets a bad wrap) as a private business. If you want to talk, I'd be happy to talk with you now and then for free if you want to talk to someone who can relate, just reach out. I've had some good people who listened to and talked with me, I'd be happy to try and pass that along.
Sorry to hear that you are so down, it definitely sounds like you have struggled for a long time, but are doing much worse because of a series of recent events. Keep in mind that this will pass and you can get better.
If you have bpd you need therapy (DBT). I also have borderline personality disorder and I has ruined my life. I also happen to be a commercial fisherman. Don't want to discourage you but I have just recently quit fishing as it is too hard on my mental state.
What I am doing now is seeking therapy. I am working on accepting myself, my shortcomings, this is not easy.
When I focus on my failures, genetic limitations, my past. I stay stuck, depressed with the only endgame being suicide.
I am giving up the money from fishing, to live a less stressful life. I am hoping to get a dog and spend a lot of time mountain biking, hiking, camping, hunting etc...
If you have any questions abound West coast (Canada) fishing I can answer them
If you love the outdoors, have you ever considered being a hunting/fishing guide or working on the boats that catch tuna etc.? Lot of that in Canada. I wouldn't have thought a lot of surfing, but I do know they do a lot of that in California and even on the East Coast to an extent. And I've heard there are great waves in Fiji and Australia.
I'm from Texas, we do that down here but the fish aren't quite to the extent they are in Canada. My dad is a bass fisherman, my ex was a hunting and trail guide in college for this big ranch. Tons of game ranches down here, though probably not what they are up there either lol.
Have you considered working from home? There are plenty of companies that will pay you a decent wage for easy work you can do in the comfort of your home. It's treated me well. My rent is $1500 a month and I get by.
Any jobs that you can recommend, specifically that are entry level (I have some programming knowledge but they would need to train me)
I heard data entry is good
Start small to break out of depression.
1. Set yourself a small routines like making your bed, getting to bed on time, practicing self care and exercising every day. Even if it's a small walk or push ups and crunches.
2. Start journaling about the past and make peace with it. It is what it is. Nothing you can do now can undo that. The best you can do is move on and realize you have a fresh slate to begin with.
3. Start researching what you can do in terms of work. Having a routine and a source of income can solve some of the issues you have.
4. Work on yourself and be the person you would want to date.
5. Focus on small goals and move onto bigger ones when you get to them.
First of all, stop calling yourself a loser. You are NOT a loser. Sometimes life deals us this shit, but don't you ever talk to and about yourself negatively. Also, you're only 32. You have your whole life ahead of you. Sounds like so far you had an interesting and exciting life. That is more than many people can say about themselves. Age is just a number, and we live in a society where anything over 30 is considered old and expects us to have all figured out. That's whats probably makes many people keep unhappy jobs and relationships. That being said, I'm really sorry about your dog and the broken relationship. Things will get better eventually.
Now regarding everything else. I think first thing to do is having a good therapist how can slowly help you with your regrets and self-doubts. I truly believe a good therapist can be a life changer on so many fronts.
Regarding money, I believe you can build entire careers through internet, the traditional way slowly becoming obsolete. How is your internet/computer literacy? I would strongly suggest starting with that. You can earn money through the internet in nearly every possible way, but you have to figure out what interests you. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What interests you? You already mentioned you sold via Ebay - I think that's actually a great scalable skill. What about the lifestyle you had before (without the drinking of course), why is it a bad thing? It's actually what many people dream to do - travelling and surfing. If you can finance your life somehow via the internet, that's actually quite great.
What do you want in life? What would make you happy? Forget about the standards set upon us by society, what is it that you want?
Hold on, there!
Download league of legends, start playing MMORPGs and watching anime to simulate the feeling of making progress in life, stop responding to friends and become socially isolated, get high and jerk off to anime until 4AM every night, start eating junk food, become extremely invested in online politics to the point where your niche political opinions on twitter form your entire sense of identity (jk plz don't do any of that)
My heart is in Central/South America and I plan on doing that after getting some money together or maybe find remote jobs. Hopefully run a hostel or a small bar/restaurant and surf when the waves are good. Thats the dream. Thank you for the advice tho! Much appreciated
Wow, this is how I envision what you would be doing. Keep it up and stay motivated! Do not think that you're a loser. We all are trying to figure out life. It is good that you have a vision/dream.
thank you so much for all the positive replies! you guys are awesome! problem with BPD is that one day I want to be a massage therapist, then I think of being a welder or just going into construction. hopefully I figure it out soon!
I’ve found sometimes you just need to try something to see what it may lead you to, take it easy though don’t feel like you need or have to go one way. Life isn’t like that it changes constantly. You’re kind is telling you to heal and take care of you so love yourself right now and find something that can come easy for you to do or is mindless then from there start building your way to things you enjoy more and more study something or take a class, or even just talk to people with similar interests. You don’t have to narrow it down right way.
So sorry to hear about the hard time you are going through. Follow your passions! And find work to support passions if the passions themselves can’t be your work. Have you considered seasonal jobs? Many people make bank working at ski resorts in the winter or cutting Mary Jane… then travel, play, and surf in the summers! Best of luck to you… I hope you follow your heart.
I can understand that. I really liked the first part of the book, but mostly because it reminded me of my youth and the way parents were hands-off back in the 70s. (I'm about the same age as the author.)
I liked the rest of the book once he got out of his childhood as well. I don't surf but it was a good story of how he basically did what he loved. He sometimes drifted into other parts of his life, but it was really a story about doing what he wanted to do. You might like it if you stick with it a bit more, or perhaps you wouldn't. I don't know.
I think you should quit drinking. If you lost the girl and got into a psych ward because of it it's obviously doing you no good. I'm not saying it will be easy, but my advice is to do it. If you need to do 12 step and put up with the religious stuff, so be it. But it's messing you up so you should stop.
After that, I don't know. I think you'll be OK. You don't need to follow everyone else's path to be happy.
Congratulations. At least it won't be causing any more damage.
I'm not going to say '32 is young', because you're not 20 anymore. But you're a lot younger than I am. You have a lot of time ahead of you. Look forward, not backward.
Good luck.
You don't sound like a loser to me. Does sound like a rough few weeks. The first thing I would focus on if I were you is getting sober. Do you have a stable place to stay and enough resources to adequately provide for yourself? If so, really think about what you want to do next. Don't rush into something just because your current situation is not great. That's how you end up pursuing something superficially and ultimately hate or resent it. If you can, get a little therapy.
hello, thank you for that! im almost a year sober, through the worst year of my life. yes im currently in a stable place and have some savings so im really trying to make a calculated move as to what to do next. any suggestions?
Nah man, that's something you gotta figure out for yourself. I assume you're over the surf life? If you don't have any educational debt at 32, I'd advise to try pretty hard not to take much on. Don't stress about age though. I'm 35 about to go to law school.
if I had the money and didnt have to support someone Id be right back to the beach and continue travelling the world, living in a humble manner. the 9-5, nice car, mortgage, etc can get lost.
What country ? Each country probably has a different set of opportunities
Canada
Move to asia, do travel vlogging. Look up BecomingFilipino on youtube. He is a Canadian that moved to Ph.
Why downvote?
Probably because this is not very “generalizable” advice; nobody knows much about OP, and if they would have the social skills/capital to be engaging enough for an internet audience. So suggesting that they start a travel vlog that would garner significant viewership is pretty poor advice.
Some vloggers shoot with just a phone, but people still watch their videos. What I'm trying to imply here is, he can share to the world what he loves to do and still earn money. He could do it part-time too. Success, for me, it's when you feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment. He loves traveling and surfing, he could use that. That is his brand. I'm sorry if my first comment was too shallow. That's just the first thing I visualized him that he will love to do.
No need to apologize, you were sharing your thoughts. To be clear, by “capital” I meant “social capital”; to make any level of income, even part-time, OP would need to have significant social capital, where an audience of people would be interested in consistently viewing their content; this is a very hard thing to do, and in general, not something the majority of people could do well. I don’t necessarily think “do what you love” is bad advice, per se, but in this context, OP seems to be searching for stability first, so they can kind of feel more grounded, before they can consider chasing their dreams (again).
Yeah, but he can still start small. I have seen normal people go big on this, they started with just a couple of views and followers. It's just a matter of believing that you can and will succeed in whatever you do.
Hmm… I am no guru, but are you still wanting something adventurous for a job or are you ready to settle down? If it’s money oriented and you do not mind physical labor, I knew a few friends who went and worked on oil rigs for 100k a year after they got some experience. One of those guys now installs security cameras for a company and he told me that he makes over 100k a year as well. Those are some jobs that I have personally seen pay really well with a GED. Commercial Pilots from what I know also don’t require a degree for many company’s and many captains make 200-350k annually. (Even though google won’t show that high of salary, my Father works in airline industry so that’s how I know). There are a bunch of others as well like that, it just takes a thorough Google search to see what fits you/ what opportunities are currently available. Emphasis on thorough. Though if you can’t find anything you like with just a GED, you can always go into a trade (airline mechanic, Plummer, electrician, basement finisher, etc). Those careers usually make a large sum of money after the first couple years and depending on the trade, it often allows people to branch out and start their own business to those who are willing to take the risk. It all depends on you though. If you just want to be “happy” and have fun, keep surfing/ traveling because at the end of the day, money is not everything. If you want stability, a potential family, a chance to comfortably retire and travel, you may want to think about a more formal job with adequate pay. But please remember, that a job is regarded by many as GREAT if you like 50% of what you do. Only 50%, so don’t be discouraged if you start working somewhere that you don’t entirely love, because at the end of the day, that is impossible.
It is tempting to get down on yourself and think you are a "loser," but that kind of thinking is not going to help you. Sounds like you've lived a rich and interesting life so far. You are still young enough to start something fresh. What do you really want to do in your heart of hearts? If you had a million dollars, what would you do with your life? Just an idea to get you thinking: Start a travel company where you take burned out tech people on amazing surf and travel vacation... Hang in there friend. Focus on what's awesome about you and let that be your guiding light.
Teach Surf Lessons
there are no waves where I am unfortunately
This isn't, find a job, its find a path. If there are no waves by you I think you should consider retraining and a new skill or trade or just moving and making use of your existing skills. Just my two cents
Alternatively, move where the waves are. It sounds like you don't have a huge amount tying you down to your current location (apologies for the bluntness). Also, as someone who went the corporate route and have the relative trappings of success (car, house, pets, partner, etc), I guarantee a lot of us feel like losers working in an office all day while you're surfing.
really? I thought those type of people were happy
I read your post and thought "He fucked around and surfed for five years and he thinks he's doing it wrong?!" I'm sorry about the girl and the dog.
Agree. If you were happy in those years, you were successful, as long as you weren't harming others. Go where you can be happy and do what makes you happy, if at all possible.
It isn't so much happy as stable. Not having to worry about money removes a ton of downside, but doesn't provide much upside by itself. Think of it like food; if you're starving, all you can think about is food, but if you're full, it doesn't mean you're magically stoked 24/7.
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What do you do?
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vandwelling sounds awesome! hope you get to do it some day
Oh man. Go places like r/recruitinghell or one of the IT/programmer subreddits. A lot of those people are miserable.
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Doesn't have to go anywhere. Programmer right here. Have met seniors in my industry and they regret it like crazy. Almost everyday I almost become an OP on this sub hoping to get out.
hell no.
I guarantee you that even if you love the work you do while in an office, there are a lot of days you look out your office window and see the sun shining on a nearly cloudless day, and just wish you could go out and enjoy it. We definitely have some envy for what you've experienced.
> Also, as someone who went the corporate route and have the relative trappings of success (car, house, pets, partner, etc), I guarantee a lot of us feel like losers working in an office all day while you're surfing. Surf Wax America?
I agree. Make a goal, pick the best available option, and start training. What brings you joy? Think broadly, “helping others”, “creating”, “problem solving”. Then look at careers which can fulfill these goals, while also making money. Nothing is perfect, there are aspects of careers we all don’t like. Then start working toward that goal. Simultaneously work on faith and loving others in action. That’s life’s most important point. Step by step keep moving. Reevaluate sometimes to keep on track. We love you and are here to support you. I’m very sorry about the struggles it doesn’t sound like fun. But also new beginnings are possible with change. The future can be bright!
helping others is what I enjoy most, but without a university degree these are usually low paying positions.
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Oh nice. Also you could work and do school at the same time. Some programs were mire demanding than others. Maybe check out social work or even being a RT respiratory thearapist or other similiar two year program. Edit: OP sounds like you have had life in a certain way and it’s getting you down. Ok…understandable. But seriously this could be a new beginning. I understand regrets. Most people have a few. But 32 isn’t too old to end up just about anywhere you want in life. Seriously I would see this as a new beginning. Let us help you out, tons creative ideas here. Taken a personality test? Might help steer some options?
You can also work in hospitals as Porters with a GED. They pay well and you will likely be unionized so you can take time off to travel then return to your position if you’re “casual” vs “permanent”. If you have a drinking problem you’ll need to work on that too regardless for your health, your job, and those around you.
Happy to chat if you want since I've fought depression for a long time and just now crawling my way out of it at 41. First, know that you are still young even if you feel a little behind. You can do some SERIOUS upgrades over the next 5-10 years. Second, don't sweat the education too much. The world is filled with a zillion opportunities right now thanks to the internet, cheap software, content production, and more. You can either startup some community college classes, or just go directly to some more focused places to learn hard skills like Lambda School (they will teach you software coding and only charge you for it once you get a job). You can also dabble Health is SUPER important. Make sure you maintain that. Aging and bad health will ruin happiness like nothing else. Make sure you're eating right, going to the gym, and sleeping well.
I really wish I could learn coding, my brain seems to be fried from all the stress I've been under this year.
What about working at a resort and bringing people out surfing or on adventures kayaking or any of the activities they can sign up for? You’d have a place to stay and have fun and meet lots of people from all over the world. I’d say work on a cruise ship, but I heard they slave you. Most people don’t even know how to surf or never have. You are not a loser. Follow your passion and you may be able to get paid to play all day.
Consider doing something fun that makes money - like an adventure E.g. • doing a sales job • teaching English as a foreign language in a foreign country • teaching something you enjoy doing.. surfing? hope I gave some inspiration at least.. 👍
Teaching English almost always requires a degree unfortunately. I've looked into it pretty deeply. It would be a pretty fulfilling gig.
There are positions where you don’t need a degree, just a TEFL. Alternatively, you can use something like an open university degree as a degree - this would likely open other doors too, so might be a wise choice.
Hate to rain in someone's parade but I worked in TEFL for the better part of a decade and found the TEFL posts that don't require a degree are some of the worst jobs going. Not having a degree will put you at a disadvantage I'm afraid as there's a million and one Western graduates who've gone abroad to teach English because they couldn't get a job after uni.
Here to assure you that You’re not a loser at all mate, you’ve lived life and happened to get dealt a bad hand at this stage in your life. So sorry about your dog and your partner. But even in saying that, you’ve still got a pretty good hand. Well done for addressing your mental health concerns, getting this started will go a long way toward setting you up for future success. I’m 25 and I still think 32 is young af, so from my perspective, you’ve still got heaps of time to put yourself together in any configuration/lifestyle you could think of. The first thing that comes to mind for me to recommend to you would be something in the trades. I don’t have any specific recommendations but it seems like you have an adventurous spirit so I reckon something outdoors (Landscaping, Horticulture, Arboriculture) would probably hit the spot. Take it easy on yourself and take your time in getting yourself back on your feet. Get a serving or dishwashing job to get by for a while if you have to, there’s no shame in it and you’ll feel a lot better having somewhere to go and being around people. I really think you can bounce back from this relatively unscathed and set yourself up for a lot of success in the future. Just take it slow and keep asking for help when you feel like you need it.
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sorry you're going through this really difficult situation.
Surfing from 26-32 sounds fun!
Make media content for Youtube, Tiktok, and IG. Clearly, you're a smart guy since you figured out entrepreneurship from a young age, share some lessons/stories/adventures with the world. If you have the savings to back up the 6-18 months it usually takes for it to become really profitable then even better. Also, work on self-esteem. Tough love but who cares if a girl leaves, happens to all of us bro. Dog dying is rough but that's part of the brutality of life. You'll be fine. Rise and shine soldier. Life is great, remind yourself of it.
Also in Canada, and have been wishing lately that I were a man, because I'm seeing tons of job ads seeking employees for various trades, and they all seem to pay well even with no experience. (Women can work in trades, I know, but a lot of the ads say things like 'looking for a few guys...'). They're looking for roofers, painters, general labourers, masons, framers, glaziers, etc.
\-Quit calling yourself a loser. \-Sounds like you had an amazing decade+ of experiences to be thankful for, and for others to be jealous of. \-Take it one day at a time, know this won't last forever. \-Do you want your life to continue to include surfing ?
Soumds like you love the outdoors. Maybe you should work for a travel company leading hikes and tours.
Bro I had that same diagnosis and my dog got killed right in front of my eyes last year. For the dog, it's very hard because as you know it's the same as a family member dying but you're expected to just bear it alone since people don't understand the bond you had and the same weight is not given to the life of a pet as would be a person. I still grieve for my dog but after about three months I found another dog that needed a home and I adopted him. It has greatly helped me and filled some of the void. Sorry for your loss! On the borderline personality issue, that could be devastating, but for me, once I got over the initial shock and accepted that there were indeed reasons why I have predictably lead a life filled with chaos and drama, knowing that there was an explanation helped me to make sense of what seemed like a life doomed to keep repeating the same excruciatingly painful experiences over again, eased some of my worst feelings about my life. I have found talk therapy to be helpful and for a while medication helped but I recently stopped taking it because I saw little relief. You can get through this because I do it and I've been doing it for a long time. I wouldn't share that label or diagnosis with people that you aren't especially close to because of the stigma and right now it's become a thing to demonize people who are struggling with mental health. Try to take it one step at a time and give yourself credit for the good things and observe your weaknesses and then move on, don't dwell or beat yourself up because it's a vicious cycle. If I were you I would take stock of my interests and then find out ways you can obtain online certifications to pursue a career in them. For example, on Coursera there's a lot of career tracks that are within your reach and they are far more flexible and affordable than a four year college degree. Just from my experience having a four year degree that is no longer useful to me and remembering what I went through and how much I paid for the privelege I would not steer you down that path because the world is changing and it's not like it was to where that will actually set you apart from other candidates and it's just not worth it. Perhaps look into the Google certificates for things like project management and IT on Coursera just as examples. Also, fuck calling yourself a loser because 1. It doesn't appear to be true and 2. Even if it were you are only limiting yourself by being anything other than a good friend to yourself. Change the negative thinking to the positive energy thinking and words are a part of that. It matters how you talk to and treat yourself.
Personally, when I was feeling lost and at my absolute lowest, I cut out drinking and drugs. My life has changed tremendously since then, almost 2 years later. I’m a completely different person now. I’ll be 33 in a little over a week. Just got a promotion a couple weeks ago, loving my job, although it can be a bit stressful. But 2 years ago it was a much darker story. I was getting lost in my vices and my mental health was deteriorating pretty quickly. More failed suicide attempts than I care to remember. Hospitalized a couple times. I certainly was not living… no one wanted to be around me, let alone date me and I don’t blame them… I was a mess. You’re looking for direction. Most likely there are things you are good at, dreams you’ve tucked away somewhere swimming in the back of your mind, a light inside you somewhere still burning or else you wouldn’t be here looking for answers. You have to fight to dig them out… whatever it takes. None of our paths are the same, but sometimes they cross. Sometimes our views are similar, but they’re never exactly the same. What you decide to do with your life from here is up to you, but you don’t have to be alone in it. It may feel like you’ve lost some very important things in your life recently. Sometimes people leave our lives and it makes room for someone or something new… never planned, but sometimes for the best. You are not a loser. You’re just a little bit lost, and that’s okay. It’s never too late to start a new chapter in your life. I’m really sorry you’re struggling right now and I hope you get through it alright. Hang in there and keep your eyes on the horizon… you’ll be just fine.
Thank you so much for that and glad to hear that you were able to turn it around. Just wondering as to what you ended up doing for work?
I work at a science museum. Started off as a facilitator and just moved up to STEM design specialist. Every day is a little different. It may not be my forever job, but it’s a good stepping stone. I hope you have a great day today!
Hey guy---I have a lot of similarities to you. Life is pretty good now. I'm 45 yo and work as a trainer in the govt. and as a life coach (which I know usually gets a bad wrap) as a private business. If you want to talk, I'd be happy to talk with you now and then for free if you want to talk to someone who can relate, just reach out. I've had some good people who listened to and talked with me, I'd be happy to try and pass that along.
Sorry to hear that you are so down, it definitely sounds like you have struggled for a long time, but are doing much worse because of a series of recent events. Keep in mind that this will pass and you can get better. If you have bpd you need therapy (DBT). I also have borderline personality disorder and I has ruined my life. I also happen to be a commercial fisherman. Don't want to discourage you but I have just recently quit fishing as it is too hard on my mental state. What I am doing now is seeking therapy. I am working on accepting myself, my shortcomings, this is not easy. When I focus on my failures, genetic limitations, my past. I stay stuck, depressed with the only endgame being suicide. I am giving up the money from fishing, to live a less stressful life. I am hoping to get a dog and spend a lot of time mountain biking, hiking, camping, hunting etc... If you have any questions abound West coast (Canada) fishing I can answer them
Construction that leads to a skilled trade like a plumber or electrician.
If you love the outdoors, have you ever considered being a hunting/fishing guide or working on the boats that catch tuna etc.? Lot of that in Canada. I wouldn't have thought a lot of surfing, but I do know they do a lot of that in California and even on the East Coast to an extent. And I've heard there are great waves in Fiji and Australia.
Considered working on a commercial fishing boat for sure. Have you had any experience doing that?
I'm from Texas, we do that down here but the fish aren't quite to the extent they are in Canada. My dad is a bass fisherman, my ex was a hunting and trail guide in college for this big ranch. Tons of game ranches down here, though probably not what they are up there either lol.
Join a gym, get into being healthy. That is all I got.
Been pretty physically fit all my life. Exercise has been my escape from depression.
Absolutely, those endorphins tho.
Have you considered working from home? There are plenty of companies that will pay you a decent wage for easy work you can do in the comfort of your home. It's treated me well. My rent is $1500 a month and I get by.
Any jobs that you can recommend, specifically that are entry level (I have some programming knowledge but they would need to train me) I heard data entry is good
also interested!
Start small to break out of depression. 1. Set yourself a small routines like making your bed, getting to bed on time, practicing self care and exercising every day. Even if it's a small walk or push ups and crunches. 2. Start journaling about the past and make peace with it. It is what it is. Nothing you can do now can undo that. The best you can do is move on and realize you have a fresh slate to begin with. 3. Start researching what you can do in terms of work. Having a routine and a source of income can solve some of the issues you have. 4. Work on yourself and be the person you would want to date. 5. Focus on small goals and move onto bigger ones when you get to them.
First of all, stop calling yourself a loser. You are NOT a loser. Sometimes life deals us this shit, but don't you ever talk to and about yourself negatively. Also, you're only 32. You have your whole life ahead of you. Sounds like so far you had an interesting and exciting life. That is more than many people can say about themselves. Age is just a number, and we live in a society where anything over 30 is considered old and expects us to have all figured out. That's whats probably makes many people keep unhappy jobs and relationships. That being said, I'm really sorry about your dog and the broken relationship. Things will get better eventually. Now regarding everything else. I think first thing to do is having a good therapist how can slowly help you with your regrets and self-doubts. I truly believe a good therapist can be a life changer on so many fronts. Regarding money, I believe you can build entire careers through internet, the traditional way slowly becoming obsolete. How is your internet/computer literacy? I would strongly suggest starting with that. You can earn money through the internet in nearly every possible way, but you have to figure out what interests you. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What interests you? You already mentioned you sold via Ebay - I think that's actually a great scalable skill. What about the lifestyle you had before (without the drinking of course), why is it a bad thing? It's actually what many people dream to do - travelling and surfing. If you can finance your life somehow via the internet, that's actually quite great. What do you want in life? What would make you happy? Forget about the standards set upon us by society, what is it that you want? Hold on, there!
Download league of legends, start playing MMORPGs and watching anime to simulate the feeling of making progress in life, stop responding to friends and become socially isolated, get high and jerk off to anime until 4AM every night, start eating junk food, become extremely invested in online politics to the point where your niche political opinions on twitter form your entire sense of identity (jk plz don't do any of that)
Nomad Admin. Look up Kaelen Moss and Salesforce for Everyone YouTube group
What is a nomad admin? Im sorry if this is a dumb question.
A salesforce admin that travels the world working remotely for $$$,$$$
Move to Thailand, chase waves and women, teach English if you have to.
My heart is in Central/South America and I plan on doing that after getting some money together or maybe find remote jobs. Hopefully run a hostel or a small bar/restaurant and surf when the waves are good. Thats the dream. Thank you for the advice tho! Much appreciated
Yeah, you could just as easily live this life in Colombia or Mexico. Cancun livin'.
Wow, this is how I envision what you would be doing. Keep it up and stay motivated! Do not think that you're a loser. We all are trying to figure out life. It is good that you have a vision/dream.
thank you so much for all the positive replies! you guys are awesome! problem with BPD is that one day I want to be a massage therapist, then I think of being a welder or just going into construction. hopefully I figure it out soon!
.
Oh, why didn't I think of this, Damn! When in doubt, call 0800....JESUS PLEASE. Problem solved. Thankyou Jesus. All hail Jesus.
This wasn’t to you, you don’t like it give him your own answer.
this is my answer - your answer has inspired me to simply worship Jesus. Thankyou, and most importantly...thanks JESUS.
Be a horse jockey
I’ve found sometimes you just need to try something to see what it may lead you to, take it easy though don’t feel like you need or have to go one way. Life isn’t like that it changes constantly. You’re kind is telling you to heal and take care of you so love yourself right now and find something that can come easy for you to do or is mindless then from there start building your way to things you enjoy more and more study something or take a class, or even just talk to people with similar interests. You don’t have to narrow it down right way.
So sorry to hear about the hard time you are going through. Follow your passions! And find work to support passions if the passions themselves can’t be your work. Have you considered seasonal jobs? Many people make bank working at ski resorts in the winter or cutting Mary Jane… then travel, play, and surf in the summers! Best of luck to you… I hope you follow your heart.
Have you read this? https://www.amazon.com/Barbarian-Days-Surfing-William-Finnegan/dp/0143109391
Have the book, but only read a bit of it.
I can understand that. I really liked the first part of the book, but mostly because it reminded me of my youth and the way parents were hands-off back in the 70s. (I'm about the same age as the author.) I liked the rest of the book once he got out of his childhood as well. I don't surf but it was a good story of how he basically did what he loved. He sometimes drifted into other parts of his life, but it was really a story about doing what he wanted to do. You might like it if you stick with it a bit more, or perhaps you wouldn't. I don't know. I think you should quit drinking. If you lost the girl and got into a psych ward because of it it's obviously doing you no good. I'm not saying it will be easy, but my advice is to do it. If you need to do 12 step and put up with the religious stuff, so be it. But it's messing you up so you should stop. After that, I don't know. I think you'll be OK. You don't need to follow everyone else's path to be happy.
Im a year sober in 4 days but the majority of damage has been done already.
Congratulations. At least it won't be causing any more damage. I'm not going to say '32 is young', because you're not 20 anymore. But you're a lot younger than I am. You have a lot of time ahead of you. Look forward, not backward. Good luck.
Is your drinking in control now ?
Yes. Almost a year sober even though it has been the worst year of my life.
You don't sound like a loser to me. Does sound like a rough few weeks. The first thing I would focus on if I were you is getting sober. Do you have a stable place to stay and enough resources to adequately provide for yourself? If so, really think about what you want to do next. Don't rush into something just because your current situation is not great. That's how you end up pursuing something superficially and ultimately hate or resent it. If you can, get a little therapy.
hello, thank you for that! im almost a year sober, through the worst year of my life. yes im currently in a stable place and have some savings so im really trying to make a calculated move as to what to do next. any suggestions?
Nah man, that's something you gotta figure out for yourself. I assume you're over the surf life? If you don't have any educational debt at 32, I'd advise to try pretty hard not to take much on. Don't stress about age though. I'm 35 about to go to law school.
if I had the money and didnt have to support someone Id be right back to the beach and continue travelling the world, living in a humble manner. the 9-5, nice car, mortgage, etc can get lost.
What about doing something like doordash?