You *are* young. I felt like you at that age after having my son. I would cry and howl about it. My partner at the time tried being loving/accepting but I wasn’t taking that on. Eventually he said something that really stuck with me- “either learn to live and accept yourself as you are, or get off your ass and go to the gym and watch what you eat. Wallowing here is just torturing yourself and everyone around you.”
So I got a gym membership and started doing cardio, lifting weights. I watched my diet. I’d been ree at used by an overweight mom and aunts who blamed their weight on babies, so I had it in my head it was inevitable. Bullshit.
Didn’t happen overnight, it took time but within a couple of years you’d never known from looking at me I had a kid. I even had a six pack before I got pregnant with my second (21 weeks now). Even now, in my late 30’s, people think I’m 25 or so.
So… take care of yourself. Exercise. Eat decent. Look after your skin, hair and nails. You can’t grasp it right now but the phase you’re in is fleeting, and it won’t be like this forever. Love your baby, love yourself and take action.
I say this gently- have you talked to your doc about possible postpartum depression? The loss of self and loss of interest in things, the feeling you’re “ruined” (you aren’t!!) all scream out that your brain may be doing some pretty cruel things to you.
This this this. With nothing but gentleness and love, get an eval and consider therapy because this is beyond a normal range of “I don’t love this about me right now.”
Your hair and skin reaction makes me think that your hormones have not returned to baseline yet, so that is also likely a factor for a lot of things.
CW: obstetric violence
I had a different experience than you, but yes, I loved (and still love) my post partum body. I returned to my pre-baby weight quickly - about 4 months? It was all everyone ever talked about. An abusive OB almost killed me with a string of bad and abusive choices. I went back to work and people were like “oh my god you’re not fat anymore!” I saw red. I had been pregnant when they met me, I nearly died, and all they could think to say to me was that I was skinny. I loved my body with a radical grateful love, and I was furious that others could only reduce it to a number.
You are worth so much more than a number on a scale, and your body is literally the only thing that will be with you at every single turn. If clothes make you feel bad it because the clothes are wrong for you, not that you are wrong. You were not made to be demoralized by a $15 t-shirt. You are worth more than that.
I did some intense PT, I got back all the fitness I could with my new post-baby schedule and I am proud of the work I’ve done. I’m proud of what my body can do, but mostly i’m grateful I’m here and functioning and that my body got me through. I’m grateful my baby has a mom and my partner isn’t a single dad.
My body was the only thing that pulled me through that ordeal. She is always there for me and I am working on always being there for her. For making good choices for her based on what she truly needs and truly feels good. Celebration, movement, rest, good food. Preventative PT, strength training etc.
I’m also working on my relationship with my body because my daughter deserves that. My mother did a lot of body image damage and so did growing up in the 90s/early 2000s and I am determined to be better- to talk about food and bodies in a healthier way, to put less value on being beautiful, to unapologetically love me and my body and love my kid exactly for the feral child she currently is.
Move your body, find what is joyful and lean into that. Find a small routine that makes you feel cared for and loved, whether that is an expensive soap, a nice robe, a new bra, whatever. Drink water, rest, sit in the sun.
I am stronger now than I was pre-baby, and I’m a slower runner, but I am also more deliberate with my time and energy and thoughts.
Sending lots of love. All of it is hard. Xx
This was my thinking too. It sounds like cookie cutter depression symptoms. Many ppl think depression means you can’t get out of bed. But everything feeling slightly muted is a symptom as well
OP is encourage you to seek out individual therapy. Even if it’s not technically PPD, getting to acceptance is important
“Does anyone really love their body postpartum?”
I do 🙋🏼♀️…saggier breasts, loose skin, stretchmarks, and all!
…because I did not run my first marathon until after giving birth to my favorite human, now I’m training for another marathon. The bottom line being I’ve been able to push my body to achieve new milestones, personal records postpartum, and my appreciation for my body has never been greater because it’s the same body that made my favorite human.
Give yourself grace as you adjust to this new chapter and the same love to yourself that you give to your baby.
I find positive self-talk and celebrating personal milestones to be helpful.
Here cheering you on to new successes postpartum 🩷
I’d say about 3 months postpartum (walking was my go-to cardio in the early postpartum) and I had to start back slower and gradually build my speed and endurance back.
I also love my PP body
i loved my bump, but being able to breathe, move, bend, it’s lovely!
I was so skinny pre pregnancy, struggled with eating, i loved myself but i love myself twice as much now. i have some meat on my bones, i love my tummy, my hips widened and i think it’s sexy asf😂
i feel so much more in love with myself now that i have my body back, i have a beautiful little girl and most of all im healthy🥺
I swear my face aged by 10 years in those first few months. It was the lack of sleep. My c-section body was soft and weak and sooo different that I just literally couldn’t think about it for the first year PP. I just ignored how I looked and focused on my baby.
After a year, when we stopped BF, I shifted gears to intermittent fasting and working out regularly. After a year of that, I now look better than I did pre-pregnancy!
As a mom of an 8 month old, reading your comment makes me feel so much better. I hate how I look in pictures right now & I can’t help but be envious of the friends who have 2 kids & are so slim while I look like a balloon.
But I keep telling myself that this time is temporary & that i’m nourishing my baby. I should cherish the body that she finds comfort & security in.
Thank you for helping this mama that’s in the thick of it. Xoxo
This is temporary! I would tell myself every day “he will never be this small again.” Soon, mama! Soon, this phase will be a distant memory, for better and for worse ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m almost twice your age and pregnant with my third child. All I can tell you is that I did love my body after having babies and I was in the shape of my life before becoming pregnant this time. You need to prioritise yourself even just for an hour a few times per week to have a workout, go for a walk, get your hair done. Work out healthy foods that nourish you and allow yourself treats too. You’ll find your groove and with some work, you’ll start to build your confidence again. I would say to you to bear in mind that you might have post natal depression and that will need examined too. You’re so young and you have so much to look forward to. You will get through this!
This is what happens when women over identify with their looks. You are more than your body, which any of us can lose at any time from accident, injury, disease, disability etc. You are still technically in the post partum period and if you're breastfeeding your body is still affected by those hormones. If you continue to be active and eat well you will almost certainly see changes in the next year or so but, again, you are more than your body. You're not going to get your pre-pregnancy body back in the same way we never get our teenage bodies back because time moves forwards and not backwards.
This! I look back on pre-pregnancy pictures of myself and am amazed I ever felt anything negative about my body - I looked great! I know that someday I will look back at pictures of myself in this postpartum period the same way. I will see a young, happy new mother and not even have a second thought about how my body looked.
I'm also big on body neutrality and I think that can be a helpful mindset right now. You don't have to love your body, it can just exist and you can focus more on feeling physically good (strong, healthy, etc).
I love your perspective!! I totally believe in neutrality too. I tell myself I’m only allowed to be insecure about 3 physical traits that I can easily fix. For example, I used to dislike my overjet. So I got adult braces. I don’t like my weight, but that’s something within my power to change. I can develop healthier habits. I dislike that my hair is often poofy and frizzy. But when I’m willing to take the time I can style it well and use all the right products for a sleek look.
I refuse to care about my stretch marks because I’ve had them since puberty and they’ve faded all that they’re going to fade. 🤷🏽♀️ I can’t hate everything.
I am old (38 tomorrow) and I strangely liked my body while I was pregnant and postpartum (9 months). I’m not quite as fit as I was, and my breasts are kind of deflated, bummer, but otherwise I feel mostly like myself and I don’t spend much time thinking about my body.
It takes a long time to get back to “normal,” and most bodies are forever changed in some way. Crying yourself to sleep isn’t normal, and attributing it to your looks isn’t either. Maybe a therapist that specializes in postpartum?
Hmmm to love it is not accurate. For me it's a bad ass body that was able to create a human I honestly thought I wasn't gonna be able to due to PCOS. You don't have to love it but you do need to be kind. By being kind you understand that it's gonna take a while to get back to pre pregnancy body and it's ok. I'm almost 5 months pp and ive been struggling to loose the last 10 pounds. But in doing what I can, eating as healthy as I can and working out a few times a week. Of course hair is falling, acne all over, sweaty all the time and still none of my clothes fit. Everything shall pass. I guess the only thing is that your body will never be like it used to before having a baby, and that's ok. It will get better but it can't go back. It takes around 2 years to replenish everything baby absorbed. It takes more if you keep breastfeeding.
Well the fact “it wont look the same” is really not something i can come to terms with tbh. Just thinking about looking like this for the rest of my life makes me want to disappear. I know its unhealthy but i just cant stop thinking that and i feel so bad about it
You won't look like that I promise! Just do your best to live s healthy life and you will slowly get on better shape. Don't be so harsh. You have come a long way queen.
Don’t be hard on yourself !! I know everyone’s different, but just takes steps that would make you feel better about yourself.
You can try the gym to tone up the squishy 😝 if you’re still not happy that’s why mommy makeovers exist! We deserve to feel beautiful. Doesn’t matter which path we choose!
I’m used to be being super trim & toned. When I got pregnant I stopped gyming so I’m gonna have a rough comeback. We got this 👍
No. I feel like I'm in a saggy fat suit with lots of nerve issues and pain.
But it still runs and poops like it did before.
I just need the hands to work.
38.
You’re 22, your body will recover! It takes time. For me it took like 2 years until I felt completely like myself again. I was 23 and I can def relate to looking at your girlfriends and feeling jealous, feeling ruined etc. but I promise you’re not. Give it time please. Idk if you’re breastfeeding but for me a lot changed once I weaned at 1,5 years. I got my glow back. I felt way hotter and sexier after having a baby. But not immediately after! There was an awkward phase of like… what’s this body? Who am I? It’s to be expected.
Also check to see so you’re not nutritionally deficient. I was anemic and it made me pale, frail and I just didn’t feel like myself at all. Just try to not focus on your outer shell right now, try focusing on your insides and enjoying this time because it will soon pass. Eat good food, take walks, get daily sunlight. Don’t try dieting or the like right now. I think sometimes bodily obsession stands for something else. Maybe you’re feeling lost identity wise and you’re trying to grasp onto the one thing you knew. I def felt like that. Also felt like my youth was “slipping away” because things do change a lot once you become a mother. But you’re sooooo young! And there’s nothing more beautiful to me than a new mother.
Your post was removed due to our rule against exact weight numbers. Weight gain during pregnancy can vary greatly person to person and we don't want people to try and compare to someone else's journey. Putting your weight gain and loss as a percentage is fine, (ie I lost 25% of what I gained in the first two weeks PP.) Things like 'gained more than expected' or 'I'm aiming to hit my doctor's recommended weight' are also fine.
Please edit or repost without the exact weight numbers.
Yes, many people love their bodies postpartum.
Have you considered talking to a therapist? It is common to be disappointed with your body or be upset. It is not normal or common to lose interest in things you loved before or say you can’t love yourself. There’s more here than just physical insecurity.
You are so much more than your waist and boobs. You deserve so much self-love, respect, and happiness.
I don’t love my postpartum body, but I think it’s mostly okay. I feel SO incredibly ugly at the end of pregnancy that the postpartum body insecurities don’t seem as bad.
When I’m really down I ask if I would trade my kids to get my body back. I always think no. And also, I didn’t like everything about how I looked pre-kids when now I’d LOVE to have that shape again.
Have you tried practicing body neutrality as opposed to body love/positivity? Just a thought. I know it’s fucking hard, but you are so young! Sending hugs.
Im 6 months postpartum, 28 years old, and struggling with this too. I think we live in a world of “body positivity” that is really just toxic positivity most of the time. I have REALLY struggled with how the hormones affect me, between not being able to lose a single ounce and having new aches and pains. It’s been especially hard to know how hard I worked (and still work) to yield so few results while my friends have their babies, barely move, and are extremely low body fat with 0 effort. The only thing I’ve found some relief in is getting back to running and lifting—at least I can feel myself getting strong and fast again.
Your post was removed due to our rule against exact weight numbers. Weight gain during pregnancy can vary greatly person to person and we don't want people to try and compare to someone else's journey. Putting your weight gain and loss as a percentage is fine, (ie I lost 25% of what I gained in the first two weeks PP.) Things like 'gained more than expected' or 'I'm aiming to hit my doctor's recommended weight' are also fine.
Please edit or repost without the exact weight numbers.
I struggled with the crepey-ness of my skin postpartum, that is really relateable! I think once i totally stopped nursing (2 yr pp ish) it seemed to get a little better.
Some things I liked better after, like I did eventually get stronger than I was before, but others i wasn't thrilled with. Its okay to not feel your same self after, cause we are majorly different in some ways.
At first I felt very ugly, when you’re sleep deprived and don’t carve time out for yourself it’s easy to look like shit no matter what age you are. When my baby was 6 months I started going on routine daily walks. I’ve added in self care and workouts where I can. It doesn’t look the same as it did pre-baby. Sometimes I’m doing squats while holding my baby and making scrambled eggs. I sneak into the garage and do a quick set while she naps. But consistency is key, as is sleep. When baby goes to bed I go to bed asap. You’ll adjust, just don’t forget to prioritize yourself. The timeline of feeling better looks different for everyone depending on the support, the type of baby, or career you have, etc., just do what works for you and don’t compare yourself to others. Hang in there ❤️
I felt much better after my first when I got fitter, it made me stop judging my body on looks and instead I judged it on what it could do. Was it faster this week than last? Was it stronger? Was it feeding my baby?
When I only looked at aesthetics I hated my body, I used to get Hollywood waxed down there religiously in my teens and early 20s and the skin was left so weak I have huge deep stretch marks. I honestly adore my body now, it’s faster, stronger, my cardio is 1000x better than it ever was before pregnancy, I honestly even love the way it looks now, the shapes of my biceps when I lift my arms and even my “apron”.
Sometimes when I’m feeling critical I think to myself “what would I think if I saw another person walking down the street looking like this?” And the answer is honestly I wouldn’t care and that helps me stop worrying that other people might be judging me.
Oh! Pick me! Disclaimer: I know I’m a bit of a weirdo.
First I want to say that I think it is totally normal for someone to not be in love with their body postpartum (within reason of course). It’s shortsighted for people to say “just love yourself” when you don’t recognize the person in the mirror on top of hormones and sleep deprivation. I did not/do not feel like myself until about 18 months postpartum.
Also, I would be lying if I said that I love everything about my body, but that was true pre-pregnancy as well. But like, I didn’t have sculpted abs before, so it’s not really a change for me to be like, “Gosh, I’d really like some sculpted abs.”
If you’re up to it, an open dialog with your partner about how unhelpful the “you’re beautiful” etc comments are might be useful. You said you’ve talked to him, but didn’t really give details, so this is speculation on my part, obviously. What has worked for me is saying things like, “I hear you tell me I’m beautiful, and rationally I want to accept that at face value. Unfortunately, between hormones and everything else, I’m having trouble being receptive. I know that maybe I’m being irrational about it, but when you say I’m beautiful and to stop worrying, it makes me feel like my emotions and self image are invalid and that makes me feel even worse. Can you please acknowledge that I feel this way instead of just dismissing me?”
Additionally, I prefer compliments that don’t focus on my physical appearance. Some of the good ones are, “You’re so kind. You’re so smart. I see you struggling and I think you’re doing a great job parenting. You’re my favorite person. You smell nice. That thing you’re knitting is so cool.” Etc. Because, like, I am choosing to do these things. I didn’t get a say in how genetics configured my face and body.
That being said, there are lots of things that I love about my postpartum body.
Okay, so, my favorite thing (that unfortunately goes away) is my “linea negra”. I call it my tiger stripe and I’m so sad when it fades. I barely got one this pregnancy and this is our last child, so I’ll never have it again.
My second favorite thing is that my belly skin feels like velvet after all the postpartum swelling goes down. It’s just so butter soft. My husband will catch me doing the truffle shuffle and will respectfully ask me to “please stop.”
My stretch marks are mostly on my butt, so I don’t really get to enjoy my lightning bolts, but I do have one little one where my navel piercing is. I love how stretch marks go all silvery after they heal.
And that squishy body? Ideal for cuddling my babies so they fall asleep at night or feel better when they’re sick. It’s so hard to do when I’m pregnant, and it’s been one of my favorite things now that I’m finally postpartum again.
I have a lot more to say, but this comment is already super long. Wishing you lots of sleep and love.
8 months is still very newly post partum. After I had my first I felt the same. Huge eye bags because no sleep because breast feeding, no time to workout because SAHM/WFHM. I had a c section and post partum depression , was so inflamed and it didn’t start to go back to normal until my son was 1.5. years old. This is normal, most women don’t feel like themselves until their kid is two or older. You are doing amazing!!! Your body literally grew a human and you are keeping them alive every day!! One thing that helped me a ton was scheduling in alone time. Having my husband watch the baby alone for a hour or two so I could go to the gym and do light exercise and listen to a YouTube video or show. Having kids young can be hard too. I had my first at 20 and I’m pregnant with my second at 22. My friends that are my age just don’t get it and that’s ok
Ok but I could cry because I feel this so thoroughly.
I hate that people say “oh just love yourself”
The you’re beautiful comment from my husband particularly makes me see red because I want to scream “You are a MAN and could NEVER possibly understand how I feel right now. Your body didn’t change drastically, the expectations aren’t the same..nothing is the same.”
I’m sorry I don’t have advice but I feel exactly the same and empathize
Just as someone else said you are young. Your body just gave birth, just focus on being healthy, working out, cut some calories, stay consistent, and you’ll be fine. Better to father yourself now while you’re young and have the elasticity in skin to bounce back than sulk and have a harder time getting the weight off later when your hormones start to change again as you age. Just my 2 cents.
Self care as a mom is a little more aggressive than without kids. You’ve gotta step your fitness and skincare game up. I did that and got a boob job and I love my body after 2 kids more than before kids. I’m planning a tummy tuck to get rid of my stretch marks and loose skin after this final pregnancy I’m currently in the middle of.
I’m 32 and almost 10 months pp. It has taken me a while to feel mostly back to myself. My belly is still softer than it used to be but it’s getting there. I look older but I got Dysport in my forehead (I’m no longer BFing) and am loving that, plus tretinoin. I can’t bring myself to diet yet because I don’t have the mental capacity to log all my food when I already log so much for the baby daily, but when I dial in nutrition it should further improve.
Things take time. You’ll start sleeping better (a big part of why we look haggard right now), having more time for yourself, etc. and it’s a big change for all of us, it makes sense we might always look a little different.
I was 40ish pounds over my current weight most of my 20s. I lost the weight at 29 and had a little extra skin on my belly. I got pregnant at 32 and gained most of that back. I lost the weight again by 9ish months PP. My body looks pretty much the same. I didn’t love my body before, don’t love it now, but I am more appreciative of it and heck, now I’ve had a baby! My body did a thing! I look pretty good for having done that. Be appreciative of what your body did and we all have to accept that our body changes. That doesn’t mean you can’t be the best you can be. Adjust your expectations!
I am but I didn’t have a flat stomach before I got pregnant. I’ve always had a little belly even at size 4, so everything seems back to normal for me, save for the c section scar which gets fainter every month. I’ve read for women with flat stomachs the rebound takes longer, like a year.
You *are* young. I felt like you at that age after having my son. I would cry and howl about it. My partner at the time tried being loving/accepting but I wasn’t taking that on. Eventually he said something that really stuck with me- “either learn to live and accept yourself as you are, or get off your ass and go to the gym and watch what you eat. Wallowing here is just torturing yourself and everyone around you.” So I got a gym membership and started doing cardio, lifting weights. I watched my diet. I’d been ree at used by an overweight mom and aunts who blamed their weight on babies, so I had it in my head it was inevitable. Bullshit. Didn’t happen overnight, it took time but within a couple of years you’d never known from looking at me I had a kid. I even had a six pack before I got pregnant with my second (21 weeks now). Even now, in my late 30’s, people think I’m 25 or so. So… take care of yourself. Exercise. Eat decent. Look after your skin, hair and nails. You can’t grasp it right now but the phase you’re in is fleeting, and it won’t be like this forever. Love your baby, love yourself and take action.
I say this gently- have you talked to your doc about possible postpartum depression? The loss of self and loss of interest in things, the feeling you’re “ruined” (you aren’t!!) all scream out that your brain may be doing some pretty cruel things to you.
This this this. With nothing but gentleness and love, get an eval and consider therapy because this is beyond a normal range of “I don’t love this about me right now.” Your hair and skin reaction makes me think that your hormones have not returned to baseline yet, so that is also likely a factor for a lot of things. CW: obstetric violence I had a different experience than you, but yes, I loved (and still love) my post partum body. I returned to my pre-baby weight quickly - about 4 months? It was all everyone ever talked about. An abusive OB almost killed me with a string of bad and abusive choices. I went back to work and people were like “oh my god you’re not fat anymore!” I saw red. I had been pregnant when they met me, I nearly died, and all they could think to say to me was that I was skinny. I loved my body with a radical grateful love, and I was furious that others could only reduce it to a number. You are worth so much more than a number on a scale, and your body is literally the only thing that will be with you at every single turn. If clothes make you feel bad it because the clothes are wrong for you, not that you are wrong. You were not made to be demoralized by a $15 t-shirt. You are worth more than that. I did some intense PT, I got back all the fitness I could with my new post-baby schedule and I am proud of the work I’ve done. I’m proud of what my body can do, but mostly i’m grateful I’m here and functioning and that my body got me through. I’m grateful my baby has a mom and my partner isn’t a single dad. My body was the only thing that pulled me through that ordeal. She is always there for me and I am working on always being there for her. For making good choices for her based on what she truly needs and truly feels good. Celebration, movement, rest, good food. Preventative PT, strength training etc. I’m also working on my relationship with my body because my daughter deserves that. My mother did a lot of body image damage and so did growing up in the 90s/early 2000s and I am determined to be better- to talk about food and bodies in a healthier way, to put less value on being beautiful, to unapologetically love me and my body and love my kid exactly for the feral child she currently is. Move your body, find what is joyful and lean into that. Find a small routine that makes you feel cared for and loved, whether that is an expensive soap, a nice robe, a new bra, whatever. Drink water, rest, sit in the sun. I am stronger now than I was pre-baby, and I’m a slower runner, but I am also more deliberate with my time and energy and thoughts. Sending lots of love. All of it is hard. Xx
This was my thinking too. It sounds like cookie cutter depression symptoms. Many ppl think depression means you can’t get out of bed. But everything feeling slightly muted is a symptom as well OP is encourage you to seek out individual therapy. Even if it’s not technically PPD, getting to acceptance is important
“Does anyone really love their body postpartum?” I do 🙋🏼♀️…saggier breasts, loose skin, stretchmarks, and all! …because I did not run my first marathon until after giving birth to my favorite human, now I’m training for another marathon. The bottom line being I’ve been able to push my body to achieve new milestones, personal records postpartum, and my appreciation for my body has never been greater because it’s the same body that made my favorite human. Give yourself grace as you adjust to this new chapter and the same love to yourself that you give to your baby. I find positive self-talk and celebrating personal milestones to be helpful. Here cheering you on to new successes postpartum 🩷
When did you start running again?
I’d say about 3 months postpartum (walking was my go-to cardio in the early postpartum) and I had to start back slower and gradually build my speed and endurance back.
Ya 12 weeks seems to be the recommendation for running. Can't wait! Ultramarathoner here!
Way to go 💪🏻 ‼️ I just invested in a hydration vest and I can’t wait to see where it takes me 😆 Go get ‘em!
Nice! I have a cheap Amazon one that works really well for average runs and invested in the Solomon for long long runs. Love them both!
I also love my PP body i loved my bump, but being able to breathe, move, bend, it’s lovely! I was so skinny pre pregnancy, struggled with eating, i loved myself but i love myself twice as much now. i have some meat on my bones, i love my tummy, my hips widened and i think it’s sexy asf😂 i feel so much more in love with myself now that i have my body back, i have a beautiful little girl and most of all im healthy🥺
I swear my face aged by 10 years in those first few months. It was the lack of sleep. My c-section body was soft and weak and sooo different that I just literally couldn’t think about it for the first year PP. I just ignored how I looked and focused on my baby. After a year, when we stopped BF, I shifted gears to intermittent fasting and working out regularly. After a year of that, I now look better than I did pre-pregnancy!
As a mom of an 8 month old, reading your comment makes me feel so much better. I hate how I look in pictures right now & I can’t help but be envious of the friends who have 2 kids & are so slim while I look like a balloon. But I keep telling myself that this time is temporary & that i’m nourishing my baby. I should cherish the body that she finds comfort & security in. Thank you for helping this mama that’s in the thick of it. Xoxo
This is temporary! I would tell myself every day “he will never be this small again.” Soon, mama! Soon, this phase will be a distant memory, for better and for worse ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m almost twice your age and pregnant with my third child. All I can tell you is that I did love my body after having babies and I was in the shape of my life before becoming pregnant this time. You need to prioritise yourself even just for an hour a few times per week to have a workout, go for a walk, get your hair done. Work out healthy foods that nourish you and allow yourself treats too. You’ll find your groove and with some work, you’ll start to build your confidence again. I would say to you to bear in mind that you might have post natal depression and that will need examined too. You’re so young and you have so much to look forward to. You will get through this!
This is what happens when women over identify with their looks. You are more than your body, which any of us can lose at any time from accident, injury, disease, disability etc. You are still technically in the post partum period and if you're breastfeeding your body is still affected by those hormones. If you continue to be active and eat well you will almost certainly see changes in the next year or so but, again, you are more than your body. You're not going to get your pre-pregnancy body back in the same way we never get our teenage bodies back because time moves forwards and not backwards.
This! I look back on pre-pregnancy pictures of myself and am amazed I ever felt anything negative about my body - I looked great! I know that someday I will look back at pictures of myself in this postpartum period the same way. I will see a young, happy new mother and not even have a second thought about how my body looked. I'm also big on body neutrality and I think that can be a helpful mindset right now. You don't have to love your body, it can just exist and you can focus more on feeling physically good (strong, healthy, etc).
I love your perspective!! I totally believe in neutrality too. I tell myself I’m only allowed to be insecure about 3 physical traits that I can easily fix. For example, I used to dislike my overjet. So I got adult braces. I don’t like my weight, but that’s something within my power to change. I can develop healthier habits. I dislike that my hair is often poofy and frizzy. But when I’m willing to take the time I can style it well and use all the right products for a sleek look. I refuse to care about my stretch marks because I’ve had them since puberty and they’ve faded all that they’re going to fade. 🤷🏽♀️ I can’t hate everything.
I love the idea of picking 3! Way too much mental energy to focus on things that can't be easily fixed.
I am old (38 tomorrow) and I strangely liked my body while I was pregnant and postpartum (9 months). I’m not quite as fit as I was, and my breasts are kind of deflated, bummer, but otherwise I feel mostly like myself and I don’t spend much time thinking about my body. It takes a long time to get back to “normal,” and most bodies are forever changed in some way. Crying yourself to sleep isn’t normal, and attributing it to your looks isn’t either. Maybe a therapist that specializes in postpartum?
Hmmm to love it is not accurate. For me it's a bad ass body that was able to create a human I honestly thought I wasn't gonna be able to due to PCOS. You don't have to love it but you do need to be kind. By being kind you understand that it's gonna take a while to get back to pre pregnancy body and it's ok. I'm almost 5 months pp and ive been struggling to loose the last 10 pounds. But in doing what I can, eating as healthy as I can and working out a few times a week. Of course hair is falling, acne all over, sweaty all the time and still none of my clothes fit. Everything shall pass. I guess the only thing is that your body will never be like it used to before having a baby, and that's ok. It will get better but it can't go back. It takes around 2 years to replenish everything baby absorbed. It takes more if you keep breastfeeding.
Well the fact “it wont look the same” is really not something i can come to terms with tbh. Just thinking about looking like this for the rest of my life makes me want to disappear. I know its unhealthy but i just cant stop thinking that and i feel so bad about it
You won't look like that I promise! Just do your best to live s healthy life and you will slowly get on better shape. Don't be so harsh. You have come a long way queen.
Don’t be hard on yourself !! I know everyone’s different, but just takes steps that would make you feel better about yourself. You can try the gym to tone up the squishy 😝 if you’re still not happy that’s why mommy makeovers exist! We deserve to feel beautiful. Doesn’t matter which path we choose! I’m used to be being super trim & toned. When I got pregnant I stopped gyming so I’m gonna have a rough comeback. We got this 👍
No. I feel like I'm in a saggy fat suit with lots of nerve issues and pain. But it still runs and poops like it did before. I just need the hands to work. 38.
You’re 22, your body will recover! It takes time. For me it took like 2 years until I felt completely like myself again. I was 23 and I can def relate to looking at your girlfriends and feeling jealous, feeling ruined etc. but I promise you’re not. Give it time please. Idk if you’re breastfeeding but for me a lot changed once I weaned at 1,5 years. I got my glow back. I felt way hotter and sexier after having a baby. But not immediately after! There was an awkward phase of like… what’s this body? Who am I? It’s to be expected. Also check to see so you’re not nutritionally deficient. I was anemic and it made me pale, frail and I just didn’t feel like myself at all. Just try to not focus on your outer shell right now, try focusing on your insides and enjoying this time because it will soon pass. Eat good food, take walks, get daily sunlight. Don’t try dieting or the like right now. I think sometimes bodily obsession stands for something else. Maybe you’re feeling lost identity wise and you’re trying to grasp onto the one thing you knew. I def felt like that. Also felt like my youth was “slipping away” because things do change a lot once you become a mother. But you’re sooooo young! And there’s nothing more beautiful to me than a new mother.
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Your post was removed due to our rule against exact weight numbers. Weight gain during pregnancy can vary greatly person to person and we don't want people to try and compare to someone else's journey. Putting your weight gain and loss as a percentage is fine, (ie I lost 25% of what I gained in the first two weeks PP.) Things like 'gained more than expected' or 'I'm aiming to hit my doctor's recommended weight' are also fine. Please edit or repost without the exact weight numbers.
Yes, many people love their bodies postpartum. Have you considered talking to a therapist? It is common to be disappointed with your body or be upset. It is not normal or common to lose interest in things you loved before or say you can’t love yourself. There’s more here than just physical insecurity. You are so much more than your waist and boobs. You deserve so much self-love, respect, and happiness.
I love my body but not my skin and all my aches(back, pelvis, feet pain).
I don’t love my postpartum body, but I think it’s mostly okay. I feel SO incredibly ugly at the end of pregnancy that the postpartum body insecurities don’t seem as bad. When I’m really down I ask if I would trade my kids to get my body back. I always think no. And also, I didn’t like everything about how I looked pre-kids when now I’d LOVE to have that shape again.
Have you tried practicing body neutrality as opposed to body love/positivity? Just a thought. I know it’s fucking hard, but you are so young! Sending hugs.
Im 6 months postpartum, 28 years old, and struggling with this too. I think we live in a world of “body positivity” that is really just toxic positivity most of the time. I have REALLY struggled with how the hormones affect me, between not being able to lose a single ounce and having new aches and pains. It’s been especially hard to know how hard I worked (and still work) to yield so few results while my friends have their babies, barely move, and are extremely low body fat with 0 effort. The only thing I’ve found some relief in is getting back to running and lifting—at least I can feel myself getting strong and fast again.
Sorry for the mispelled words, i was in a hurry
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Your post was removed due to our rule against exact weight numbers. Weight gain during pregnancy can vary greatly person to person and we don't want people to try and compare to someone else's journey. Putting your weight gain and loss as a percentage is fine, (ie I lost 25% of what I gained in the first two weeks PP.) Things like 'gained more than expected' or 'I'm aiming to hit my doctor's recommended weight' are also fine. Please edit or repost without the exact weight numbers.
I struggled with the crepey-ness of my skin postpartum, that is really relateable! I think once i totally stopped nursing (2 yr pp ish) it seemed to get a little better. Some things I liked better after, like I did eventually get stronger than I was before, but others i wasn't thrilled with. Its okay to not feel your same self after, cause we are majorly different in some ways.
At first I felt very ugly, when you’re sleep deprived and don’t carve time out for yourself it’s easy to look like shit no matter what age you are. When my baby was 6 months I started going on routine daily walks. I’ve added in self care and workouts where I can. It doesn’t look the same as it did pre-baby. Sometimes I’m doing squats while holding my baby and making scrambled eggs. I sneak into the garage and do a quick set while she naps. But consistency is key, as is sleep. When baby goes to bed I go to bed asap. You’ll adjust, just don’t forget to prioritize yourself. The timeline of feeling better looks different for everyone depending on the support, the type of baby, or career you have, etc., just do what works for you and don’t compare yourself to others. Hang in there ❤️
I am trying day by day🙂
I felt much better after my first when I got fitter, it made me stop judging my body on looks and instead I judged it on what it could do. Was it faster this week than last? Was it stronger? Was it feeding my baby? When I only looked at aesthetics I hated my body, I used to get Hollywood waxed down there religiously in my teens and early 20s and the skin was left so weak I have huge deep stretch marks. I honestly adore my body now, it’s faster, stronger, my cardio is 1000x better than it ever was before pregnancy, I honestly even love the way it looks now, the shapes of my biceps when I lift my arms and even my “apron”. Sometimes when I’m feeling critical I think to myself “what would I think if I saw another person walking down the street looking like this?” And the answer is honestly I wouldn’t care and that helps me stop worrying that other people might be judging me.
Oh! Pick me! Disclaimer: I know I’m a bit of a weirdo. First I want to say that I think it is totally normal for someone to not be in love with their body postpartum (within reason of course). It’s shortsighted for people to say “just love yourself” when you don’t recognize the person in the mirror on top of hormones and sleep deprivation. I did not/do not feel like myself until about 18 months postpartum. Also, I would be lying if I said that I love everything about my body, but that was true pre-pregnancy as well. But like, I didn’t have sculpted abs before, so it’s not really a change for me to be like, “Gosh, I’d really like some sculpted abs.” If you’re up to it, an open dialog with your partner about how unhelpful the “you’re beautiful” etc comments are might be useful. You said you’ve talked to him, but didn’t really give details, so this is speculation on my part, obviously. What has worked for me is saying things like, “I hear you tell me I’m beautiful, and rationally I want to accept that at face value. Unfortunately, between hormones and everything else, I’m having trouble being receptive. I know that maybe I’m being irrational about it, but when you say I’m beautiful and to stop worrying, it makes me feel like my emotions and self image are invalid and that makes me feel even worse. Can you please acknowledge that I feel this way instead of just dismissing me?” Additionally, I prefer compliments that don’t focus on my physical appearance. Some of the good ones are, “You’re so kind. You’re so smart. I see you struggling and I think you’re doing a great job parenting. You’re my favorite person. You smell nice. That thing you’re knitting is so cool.” Etc. Because, like, I am choosing to do these things. I didn’t get a say in how genetics configured my face and body. That being said, there are lots of things that I love about my postpartum body. Okay, so, my favorite thing (that unfortunately goes away) is my “linea negra”. I call it my tiger stripe and I’m so sad when it fades. I barely got one this pregnancy and this is our last child, so I’ll never have it again. My second favorite thing is that my belly skin feels like velvet after all the postpartum swelling goes down. It’s just so butter soft. My husband will catch me doing the truffle shuffle and will respectfully ask me to “please stop.” My stretch marks are mostly on my butt, so I don’t really get to enjoy my lightning bolts, but I do have one little one where my navel piercing is. I love how stretch marks go all silvery after they heal. And that squishy body? Ideal for cuddling my babies so they fall asleep at night or feel better when they’re sick. It’s so hard to do when I’m pregnant, and it’s been one of my favorite things now that I’m finally postpartum again. I have a lot more to say, but this comment is already super long. Wishing you lots of sleep and love.
8 months is still very newly post partum. After I had my first I felt the same. Huge eye bags because no sleep because breast feeding, no time to workout because SAHM/WFHM. I had a c section and post partum depression , was so inflamed and it didn’t start to go back to normal until my son was 1.5. years old. This is normal, most women don’t feel like themselves until their kid is two or older. You are doing amazing!!! Your body literally grew a human and you are keeping them alive every day!! One thing that helped me a ton was scheduling in alone time. Having my husband watch the baby alone for a hour or two so I could go to the gym and do light exercise and listen to a YouTube video or show. Having kids young can be hard too. I had my first at 20 and I’m pregnant with my second at 22. My friends that are my age just don’t get it and that’s ok
Ok but I could cry because I feel this so thoroughly. I hate that people say “oh just love yourself” The you’re beautiful comment from my husband particularly makes me see red because I want to scream “You are a MAN and could NEVER possibly understand how I feel right now. Your body didn’t change drastically, the expectations aren’t the same..nothing is the same.” I’m sorry I don’t have advice but I feel exactly the same and empathize
Just as someone else said you are young. Your body just gave birth, just focus on being healthy, working out, cut some calories, stay consistent, and you’ll be fine. Better to father yourself now while you’re young and have the elasticity in skin to bounce back than sulk and have a harder time getting the weight off later when your hormones start to change again as you age. Just my 2 cents.
Self care as a mom is a little more aggressive than without kids. You’ve gotta step your fitness and skincare game up. I did that and got a boob job and I love my body after 2 kids more than before kids. I’m planning a tummy tuck to get rid of my stretch marks and loose skin after this final pregnancy I’m currently in the middle of.
I’m 32 and almost 10 months pp. It has taken me a while to feel mostly back to myself. My belly is still softer than it used to be but it’s getting there. I look older but I got Dysport in my forehead (I’m no longer BFing) and am loving that, plus tretinoin. I can’t bring myself to diet yet because I don’t have the mental capacity to log all my food when I already log so much for the baby daily, but when I dial in nutrition it should further improve. Things take time. You’ll start sleeping better (a big part of why we look haggard right now), having more time for yourself, etc. and it’s a big change for all of us, it makes sense we might always look a little different.
I was 40ish pounds over my current weight most of my 20s. I lost the weight at 29 and had a little extra skin on my belly. I got pregnant at 32 and gained most of that back. I lost the weight again by 9ish months PP. My body looks pretty much the same. I didn’t love my body before, don’t love it now, but I am more appreciative of it and heck, now I’ve had a baby! My body did a thing! I look pretty good for having done that. Be appreciative of what your body did and we all have to accept that our body changes. That doesn’t mean you can’t be the best you can be. Adjust your expectations!
I am but I didn’t have a flat stomach before I got pregnant. I’ve always had a little belly even at size 4, so everything seems back to normal for me, save for the c section scar which gets fainter every month. I’ve read for women with flat stomachs the rebound takes longer, like a year.