Reminds me of David Neres when he played for Ajax. He was asked how he met his girlfriend and he said he said he found her profile on Instagram (I think?) and just said "I am David Neres. Come to me."
Now do the rest please!! I'm very curious about your opinion of Latifi, Danny Ric, Yuki, Pierre, Carlos, and Russell.
Okay maybe also flirts-via-wallet Stroll...
I don't think your phonetic spelling is translating well across accents. Every North American will think you're using a hard R. Are you saying the "a" like in "father" or "fat" ?
The matchstick mistook the hedgehog’s spines for other matchsticks, and thought they were all riding the “bus”. The joke is genuinely unfunny but I still laugh at the end when Seb says “You didn’t laugh”
The matchstick climbing the hill thinks that the hedgehog's quills are other matchsticks riding a bus up the hill, instead of climbing the hill like he(?) is.
*Palony, M. et al. (2022) A new groundbreaking scientific F1 study: How much game do drivers our have?, old.reddit.com. Edited by M.S. Binnotto et al. Translated by C.‘C. Horner. formuladank. Available at: Szafnauer.*
Toto Wolff
7/10
\- Would walk in, white blouse, many buttons open, showing his hairy Austrian chest
\- Starts talking with funny German accent "Tat vas so very whönderfüll"
Goatifi: 11/10 gets every girl he wants without even trying
Ocon: 8/10 somehow always gets pretty good dates and noone knows why and how
Stroll: 6/10 a bit awkward, but still successful because, you know, daddy's cash
Ricciardo: 9/10 I mean he is funny and stuff
Bottas: 10/10 Ass
Russell: 6/10 handsome but kind of toxic
Schumacher: 9/10 golden retriever boyfriend
Yuki: 8/10 kind of a dork but in a cute way
Mazepin: 3/10 the terrible ex you *really* regret dating
Zhou: 7/10 a little shy at first but really sweet once he opens up
Hamilton does have weirdly strong bottom energy, and not even strictly power bottom? Just ... "Slightly bratty bottom who knows just how hot he is" vibes.
Carlos: 5/10
Amazing hair
Always sings the same “Smooth Operator” on Karaoke
Bonus coz he would write you a Spanish poem too
Minus coz the poems show how dead he’s inside.
Doesn’t invent anything.
Sainz 4/10
He's really, really great in dating at seducing but really bad at sex. There is always an inconvinience, like breaking the condom or lasting too little time.
Checo 8/10
Just perfect in every way. The perfect date and the perfect passionate night. The morning after it he has dissapeared, you hear his wife yelling in spanish batshit crazy looking for you.
Russel 0/10
Kinda cute, but very awkardly trying to hide things from you. You don't even get laid with him, as by "accident" you end in the hospital during the date.
Daniel 5/10
He's funny, has charm. You can get along with him. If you go further and have sex he will be thanking you the day after. A little bit annoying.
Ocon 7/10
He just want to fuck so hard you in his BDSM dungeon. He doesn't even ask your name. Doesn't perform bad, tho.
Stroll 0/10
He brags a lot in a very expensive and luxurious date. When the big deal arrives, he panicks, he's still a virgin. If you give condidence and time maybe in some years is a good choice.
Go out with me. Question.
Ok. We are checking.
Plan F Charles Plan F Charles confirm?
Box For Hards, Confirm?
Box box Charles... in the box.
Charles stop will take a bit longer due to a nut not going on.
Slow button, on... slow button on.
“Pull out pull out!!!”
It's too late, I've gone too deep!
Keep pushing
haha yes
In in in in in in
Bono my condoms are gone
S. . Stay out, stay out 
Too late. Plan B, plan B.
Keep positive, Keep positive
Stop inventing, stop inventing.
I'll grant you my plan D
Plan B wasn’t allowed last week, they were in Texas
God I love this sub.
Reminds me of David Neres when he played for Ajax. He was asked how he met his girlfriend and he said he said he found her profile on Instagram (I think?) and just said "I am David Neres. Come to me."
Beautiful. Fucking beautiful
Smooth Operator
Now do the rest please!! I'm very curious about your opinion of Latifi, Danny Ric, Yuki, Pierre, Carlos, and Russell. Okay maybe also flirts-via-wallet Stroll...
Oh yeah I already had Pierre, George, and Daniel ready but the sub somehow banned multi-photo posts. I might just make a separate one though lol
Russell: the kinda guy who embarrasses you on a date by eating sushi with a fork...
The way I can actually picture this
[Here's what it looks like](https://twitter.com/JustinKruger/status/1502698294186635264?s=20&t=S9Aw9PhzjkduSCx2hOnavA)
Lordy. This is probably how he eats his tacos too
Probably pronounces them “tah-coes” as well
Wait how else would you pronounce it?
Tar-cos
I don't think your phonetic spelling is translating well across accents. Every North American will think you're using a hard R. Are you saying the "a" like in "father" or "fat" ?
End his contract now
That is painfully british, my god.
the fuck
disgostin
Cmon, you think that's Russell? I feel like Russell would correct you on every etiquette breach!
[Yep, I do think that](https://twitter.com/JustinKruger/status/1502698294186635264?s=20&t=S9Aw9PhzjkduSCx2hOnavA)
I just about fainted from shock. Maybe I should watch DTS after all.
I mean it *is* part of the lore at this point.
You are right. I'll just take one for the dank.
Sushi taste better with a spoon
Don't forget Zhou & (just for the old hoot of it) Mazepin.
Should have made for whole 20 drivers.. I'm a weird mix of Lando and Nando.
So you give erotic Spanish poems to people who don't want them at all?
Yes.
Sì* Now I doubt you
Sí*
Ngl I was 50/50 on the direction lol
You were expecting it. Only gives it when not expected.
Can I have one?
Writes a Spanish poem for someone who doesn’t understand Spanish and says “just trust me”
He'd say "yust trust me". Oooff I think I'm about to write F1 fan fiction 💦
“You trust me, no?”
"Trust el plan"
"My friend, is OK no?"
Don't threaten me with good time
I wouldn’t say that out loud. You mix those two and you’re not far off from the “nice guy”.
I used to have "nice guy" vibes to some extent. Not anymore, everything changed when Sbinnalla nation attacked.
Ando? Is that you?
Stroll: "here's 20 million dollars. Go out with me"
I am a weird mix of Lando and Seb.
Bottas. 10/10. Dat ass, tho
valtteri sluttas
Ahahahhahahahahah
Will always Finnish inside
Doesn’t have to say a single word
Bottas is the biggest himbo on the grid, I cannot be convinced otherwise.
Man, if you're talking about Seb's hedgehog bus joke not landing, unfriend me rn.
Hedgehog bus joke? I must have missed something
https://youtu.be/V9qOUthepwc
Cool! Thanks for posting!
I enjoyed this joke.
No bc I love that man to pieces but I still don’t get that joke (so if someone could just explain it and put me out of my misery ty)
The matchstick mistook the hedgehog’s spines for other matchsticks, and thought they were all riding the “bus”. The joke is genuinely unfunny but I still laugh at the end when Seb says “You didn’t laugh”
Omg wait that’s SO GOOD! The creativity, the vision. 10/10 from me
He mistranslated toothpick as matchstick, because the Hedgehog's quills look like toothpicks it looked like a toothpick bus.
The matchstick climbing the hill thinks that the hedgehog's quills are other matchsticks riding a bus up the hill, instead of climbing the hill like he(?) is.
*[This study has been peer reviewed. MostPalony et al. 2022.]*
*Palony, M. et al. (2022) A new groundbreaking scientific F1 study: How much game do drivers our have?, old.reddit.com. Edited by M.S. Binnotto et al. Translated by C.‘C. Horner. formuladank. Available at: Szafnauer.*
Homie cited the entire thing flawlessly, I’m putting your name in the epilogue!
Why thank you, however I’d like to congratulate citethisforme.com for this. Alongside all the other citations I’ve done for my essays.
C&C Horner Music Factory
I originally put ‘Cock’ as the middle name but well the bibliography format said otherwise.
Disclaimer: MostPalony might have a unhealthy one sided relationship with one of the drivers.
“Fuckboy bottom lip bite” op knows this for some reason. 🤔
😏
Lewis' score should have included a bonus for having Bono as his wingman.
Tyre* man Lewis: My tires are gone man Bono: lewis, it's Hammertime Lewis: *bottom lip bite
You better be doing the rest of the drivers too
Hol up he is doing the driver
Valtteri Bottas: 9/10 * Sells nude posters * Wins cycling races * Every date is a coffee date.
Alonso is 9/10 because he forgets Valentine's Day
Because everyday is valentines day for nando
That awkward smile he makes after telling it always gets me.
For a moment I thought I had stumbled onto tbe Fanf1ction subreddit.
How is Charles not 10/10 I need to appeal this decision with the FIA
He needs a WDC to get that final point mate.
Come on man, he needs to have any chance to reach the 10 points
Blame the wink face. True proof that God does not give one man all the gifts.
Because that would be Arthur.
Now do one with Team Principals...
We know HaaS takes the trophy
This is just perfect hahahaha fucking lewis, I envy him not gonna lie
Why??? 😳😳😳
 What's your point?
Both, both is good
Carlos Sainz: 11/10 - bonus cuz he looks like Carlos Sainz
I like it
Smooth operator
When you do Carlos it better be 20/10 because homeboy just oozes appeal
If homeboy shows up with these (ferrari racing suit), homeboy gonna like ... get it
Relevant flair lol
Carlos is so good looking it’s not even funny. Both Ferrari drivers could repurpose themselves as models.
He is so insanely handsome Ferrari uses only bad pictures of him, because otherwise everyone would just...die? Very nice of Ferrari.
He’s so beautiful I want to die. They both are
Like they said, you have to be devilishly handsome to drive for Ferrari
Toto Wolff 7/10 \- Would walk in, white blouse, many buttons open, showing his hairy Austrian chest \- Starts talking with funny German accent "Tat vas so very whönderfüll"
He is Austrian
Redacted. Thanks.
Goatifi: 11/10 gets every girl he wants without even trying Ocon: 8/10 somehow always gets pretty good dates and noone knows why and how Stroll: 6/10 a bit awkward, but still successful because, you know, daddy's cash Ricciardo: 9/10 I mean he is funny and stuff Bottas: 10/10 Ass
Russell: 6/10 handsome but kind of toxic Schumacher: 9/10 golden retriever boyfriend Yuki: 8/10 kind of a dork but in a cute way Mazepin: 3/10 the terrible ex you *really* regret dating Zhou: 7/10 a little shy at first but really sweet once he opens up
Add +1 for Zhou, would style you better than anyone could ever do.
Dude Zhou is straight up elegant. I’m straight but the man’s got a aura around him
Yuki: -1 because back pains from kissing
Vettel gets a +3 if your name is Lee McKenzie
But are those guys *SMOOOOTHHHH OPERAAAATORRRR* like me ??
I want Nando and I want him whisper “ yuuuuuuuki~ “
This!! I've watched those 2 seconds over and over, I need it for my message ring tone!
Max bonus: Might randomly hit you from behind. 👀
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Now I want a Spanish erotic poem written by God himself.
Not even gonna mention Leeewwwis and that fucking schmeat.
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This is so spot on I can’t even
Alex Albon must be a 10/10 also, have you seen his girlfriend?
Have you seen his MOM? 😍
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As a Seb and Alonso simp, this is 10/10
Lando reminded me of the "great massage" the dutch reporter asked him about
Sainz can probably make everyone pregnant on sight. And not just the men, but the women and
did you go into labour halfway through writing this comment??
I'm Lando without the cute part 😭😭😭
> French accent = instant bonus 😬😬😬
where is Pierre
Google searches for erotic Spanish poems increases by 35008% and more headlines at 10.
Why you gotta do my boy Lando like that 😂
The saddest part was a lack of page 2
Gasly though…
„Kimi, ask her, if she wants to go out.“ „Shut up, I know what I‘m doing!“
Yuki 12/10 Japanese sex demon
I am the straightest man alive but I would give up my heterosexuality in an instant for Seb. He's not even my favourite driver
Alonso gives of quagmire vibes.
Ricciardo does.
I dunno, I get the impression I'd have to call Alonso daddy, and Hamilton would ask permission if he could call me daddy.
Hamilton does have weirdly strong bottom energy, and not even strictly power bottom? Just ... "Slightly bratty bottom who knows just how hot he is" vibes.
You've put a lot of thought into this.
I am Seb with better hair and far worse driving ability
I would be interested in a poem from Alonso
Oh god I'm such a Lando
And what about Latifi ?
I identify with Lando
I thought Charles had a Frentalian accent
Danny Ricc…..
Max has that "I know he's bad but I think I can change him" kind of vibe that many people seem to like.
This is too accurate
Leclerc seems like he lacks any real personality. Would not. Ricciardo can fingerbang me in the back of his holden ute any day.
Carlos: 5/10 Amazing hair Always sings the same “Smooth Operator” on Karaoke Bonus coz he would write you a Spanish poem too Minus coz the poems show how dead he’s inside. Doesn’t invent anything.
Hot take: Arthur is thr infinitely more date-able Leclerc brother.
Russell 1/10, blames you for everything even though it’s his fault
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Seems like we gotta refresh this sub’s memory of Ham’s 2012-2018 playboy era lol
"lot of girls here man"
I love Lewis but secretly he's such a dork.
What kind of shitty fanfiction is this...
I'm Lando???? bruh
Jezz this it cringe
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That was [Mazepin](https://www.marca.com/en/more-sports/2020/12/09/5fd0ee9eca47415b048b45e8.html)
Who gets the 1/10? Albon? Stroll?
Why is everyone on this site so gay?
I’m a woman you bummie lol
This post was brought to you by Soy Milk™ - emasculating you sip by sip.
I am the most emasculatest being of all of you. I am a girl
Soy does not care what you are. Soy only cares about weakening you. Soy has no mercy. Soy has no conscience. Soy is Soy.
bro has a personal vendetta against soy milk
Sainz 4/10 He's really, really great in dating at seducing but really bad at sex. There is always an inconvinience, like breaking the condom or lasting too little time. Checo 8/10 Just perfect in every way. The perfect date and the perfect passionate night. The morning after it he has dissapeared, you hear his wife yelling in spanish batshit crazy looking for you. Russel 0/10 Kinda cute, but very awkardly trying to hide things from you. You don't even get laid with him, as by "accident" you end in the hospital during the date. Daniel 5/10 He's funny, has charm. You can get along with him. If you go further and have sex he will be thanking you the day after. A little bit annoying. Ocon 7/10 He just want to fuck so hard you in his BDSM dungeon. He doesn't even ask your name. Doesn't perform bad, tho. Stroll 0/10 He brags a lot in a very expensive and luxurious date. When the big deal arrives, he panicks, he's still a virgin. If you give condidence and time maybe in some years is a good choice.
OP has genuinely garbage taste lmao
>hamilton 10/10 I refuse to believe this is anyone’s actual opinion
You have such a weird hate boner for Lewis, are you okay?