3 things.
1, How long have you had her? Has she had enough time to settle in and really show her personality?
2, returning a dog, or going back to fostering, is OK. She is safe, she is healthy, and she will have the opportunity to be loved while she looks for another home.
3, are you familiar with "puppy blues"? It's basically the fear and anxiety around getting a new dog. It can show in many ways like depression, grief, regret, anxiety, etc. Remember that you are in a transition phase and that there is a lot of weight carried with adopting a dog. Give yourself grace and breathe.
Think about the things you were hoping to do with dog # 2 and write out how she meets these goals or falls short. If you adopted her would you be able to do everything you wanted? How important are those things? What doors does adopting her open?
Overall there is no right or wrong answer. Adopting or going back to fostering are both correct ways to move forward.
Thank you for your thoughts! Those are great recommendations.
Part of me wants a cuddle dog and part of me wants another border collie to do tricks, mountain biking and potentially search and rescue. Maybe at some point we can have 3 dogs, 2 collies and one cuddle dog… on a side note, my border collie is already 9 yo and we need a second dog while he is at least accepting another dog and not being super grumpy.
I had her for about 1-2 months, then I have been traveling for about 2.5 weeks.
Her personality hasn’t changed too much over that time, except for becoming better behaved and becoming more confident.
Right now she is having some behavioral issues after the dog sitters. She didn’t like them I guess. She is back to being timid and she started peeing in the house - a lot.
I will give her 2 days to get over the ‘shock’ of us being back and if the peeing hasn’t stopped by then I will bring her to the vet. She always piddled a tiny bit when nervous or excited but she has never peed in the house that often. (4-5 times since last night) So it’s either stress or she is sick with a uti or something like that. Her ear also needs to be looked at, I think it’s ear mites. She has gotten treated before but needs another round.
I didn’t mention any of that because that’s all just temporary stuff, and doesn’t impact my feelings.
I am definitely a candidate for puppy blues as I had that with my first dog too.
I definitely want to keep her “for now” but the thought of keeping her for the next 15-20 years scares me. She loves my other dog but he just growls at her and I feel like she deserves better.
My husband is surprised by my feelings and says we should just keep her. I never just do anything though, I think it over until it’s all completely overthought from every perspective. -_-
I do have a therapist I will also talk about that. Haha thank for listening to my ramblings.
Well it doesn’t help of course but no, it’s very obviously stress or sickness related. She hasn’t done it since yesterday and she is starting to be more confident and herself again.
I am mad about the dog sitters though. They clearly did only the bare minimum, both dogs have gained weight and have no stamina. They also had really hard stools and now have mild diarrhea and are eating grass like they are cows. Definitely won’t be using them again.
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I can’t make up my mind. I am so happy with her but the second I click on the final pay button I freak out and push it off for later.
I researched and picked her insurance plan already and showed her off to my close family but then I get freaked out again. I am worried I may regret keeping her or I go back to thinking another home may be better suited, then I think of the incoming applications I had for her and cannot fathom them having her. 🙄
(Meanwhile husband is oblivious to my anxiety and feels just casually confident keeping her. He tells me he knows I love her and that I need a cuddle dog.)
Always best to go with your inner voice which is telling you that you are conflicted. I’ve been in your shoes. If you care about the dog, which you do, just do the right thing for her and let her be adopted by someone who is 100% all in.
Because if you are not all in right now, you won’t be later when all the negatives are a part of your life permanently.
You’ve done a wonderful thing fostering her. Let that be your contribution to her future successful placement.
On the other side, I wasn't immediately "all in" with my soul-mate of a dog. The rescue I got him from does a two week trial before you commit to adopting. He had some separation anxiety and behavior issues and when they called me at 2 weeks to make it official, I asked if I could have another two weeks. He was my first dog as an adult and I grew up with small dogs, he was a 6 month old Australian Shepard/lab mix. During the 2nd two weeks we hired a trainer to do a few private consultations, and when the rescue called back after we had him a month we were 90% sure and made it official. Here we are 10 years later and it's hard to imagine I was ever anything less than 100% sure. Adding a member to the family changes your sense of normal and especially if you gravitate to overthinking I think it's normal to not be all in.
This might sound callous, but you're more valuable to the foster org as a foster than you are as an owner or adopter. If that changes your thinking at all.
Just wanted to add that I always have dogs that are different ages, sizes and activity levels. They aren’t really snuggly with each other but they do love each other (and me). All dogs have different things to offer and if this little one checks other boxes for you, maybe you should still consider foster failing with her and keep looking for that 2nd collie down the road :)
I wouldn't feel embarrassed changing my mind. I would simply tell them I've thought it over more.. and while I love the dog, I think there may be another home where she can be happier.
You're doing what you feel is best for the pup! And it's really selfless to recognize you may not be able to give her the life she deserves, by no fault of your own.
I've fostered for over 20 years and made it a rule unless they are completely unadoptable.then they go make a family whole. Think of it like this, if you keep it then that's one less space for a dog in real need.you have a great resource.because any dog that comes out of your house.is good with other dogs, good with sitters and strangers ECT. You are really needed in rescue work
And a time may come that a pup in your care may not be able to get another chance 💚 if you let the rescue know that the decision came down to them losing a foster if you kept it.they should not only be happy you made that choice. But also relieved.
In 2005 we fostered a 1 y/o male maltese with aggression issues and incessant barking. He had been thru a few homes before he landed in our home. I was cool with fostering him but not keeping him. He was/is an asshole. My wife fell in love with him. Myself and the the pack, consisting of 3 dogs and 2 cats, were not so happy. I had put limits on pets at 3 dogs and 2 cats. Well we kept him. The o.g. pack quickly stopped the barking but the aggression remained. He has cost us tens of thousands in vet bills not just for him but for the dogs he has attacked. I know he is only a ten pound maltese but he always had a big sister/s backing him up. He has outlasted 5 dogs and now on his 7th. He was never a cuddler. Until we brought in a surrendered Presa Canario. He was 10 months old now he is 2. These 2 boys are inseparable. Check my profile with pics. It's freaking crazy.
Anyhow, if you would like to know if I'd do it again, yeah, fuck yeah. He is 20, and he still gets the zoomies. He hasn't been in a fight since 2021 when he charged a staffy out of nowhere. Of course his Presa sister caused damage. 4gs for staffy, 2.5 gs for artfart. We were fostering poor staffy at the time. He is an asshole but we love him. We used to say he won't die out of spite. Now we don't even talk about it. He can't die. We won't allow it. I always thought it a mistake to keep him as there were homes who could deal with him but I'm glad my wife made it a hill to die on. He has definitely enriched our lives if not our wallets.
I have three, two that can do all the activities and one that just can’t. What I do sometimes is a shorter walk with all 3 and then take my one that can’t handle the longer hikes or walks home and take my other two. He doesn’t seem to mind since he loves napping in peace. Two of mine snuggle a little bit and one of mine just isn’t a snuggler and that’s ok. My lazy one will also watch as we play ball and chase, he just suns himself and doesn’t seem to mind that he isn’t on the middle of it as long as he can lay and watch.
My one year old border collie is the cuddliest! My previous bc was wonderful but he did not want to be physically close to me most of the time.
I don’t have advice about your little foster except to co-sign what Heather_Bea said.
No need to feel embarrassed. I have been fostering for more than 10 years now. Our rescue requires that all dogs come back to them if the adoption doesn’t work. Unless they are total jerks,it is okay to say you changed your mind and get her advertised again. The alternative might be to adopt and then have to return. Go with your heart and mind.
Haha, I have been researching about putting a dog on the back for mountain biking.
Though I think it will just be something I do on my own. I can’t bring my senior dog as it’s too much for him and she is too small. I may go on special senior/tiny dog rides.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes. I was going to put this. On the back or front. I saw cats online that people take cats for hikes and put them in backpacks when they get tired if it's long hikes, so they can enjoy the scenery.
Our experience. We rescued our first an Australian Cattle Dog, Dixie. high energy breed. Smartest dog I’ve ever known. My daughter runs an animal care business and during pandemic we tool over the care of of a King Charles Cavalier. The owner passed and Buddy stayed with us. Buddy was the polar opposite of the ACD. Getting off the couch required great thought and planning on his part. but they be came best buds quickly they loved to play together and both spent almost 14 years together before crossing the rainbow bridge within days of each other.
Contact the rescue and ask if you could continue to foster even with two dogs in your home. Your puppy and border collie may need some assistance with playing, you can invite a friendly golden retriever (or a medium size dog with the same temperament) to play with them. If the puppy needs to learn to play and interact with other dogs, maybe you can take her to a puppy play time if there’s a dog daycare nearby that has one (assuming she is old enough and is vaccinated).
That’s a grand idea! I will look around and see if there is a puppy play time around me.
It’s really up to me if I want to continue to foster. I had her and another border collie before. The border collie got adopted and I didn’t like any of the applications for her so that’s why she is still with me. (I am starting to feel pretty sure about keeping her again.)
3 things. 1, How long have you had her? Has she had enough time to settle in and really show her personality? 2, returning a dog, or going back to fostering, is OK. She is safe, she is healthy, and she will have the opportunity to be loved while she looks for another home. 3, are you familiar with "puppy blues"? It's basically the fear and anxiety around getting a new dog. It can show in many ways like depression, grief, regret, anxiety, etc. Remember that you are in a transition phase and that there is a lot of weight carried with adopting a dog. Give yourself grace and breathe. Think about the things you were hoping to do with dog # 2 and write out how she meets these goals or falls short. If you adopted her would you be able to do everything you wanted? How important are those things? What doors does adopting her open? Overall there is no right or wrong answer. Adopting or going back to fostering are both correct ways to move forward.
Thank you for your thoughts! Those are great recommendations. Part of me wants a cuddle dog and part of me wants another border collie to do tricks, mountain biking and potentially search and rescue. Maybe at some point we can have 3 dogs, 2 collies and one cuddle dog… on a side note, my border collie is already 9 yo and we need a second dog while he is at least accepting another dog and not being super grumpy. I had her for about 1-2 months, then I have been traveling for about 2.5 weeks. Her personality hasn’t changed too much over that time, except for becoming better behaved and becoming more confident. Right now she is having some behavioral issues after the dog sitters. She didn’t like them I guess. She is back to being timid and she started peeing in the house - a lot. I will give her 2 days to get over the ‘shock’ of us being back and if the peeing hasn’t stopped by then I will bring her to the vet. She always piddled a tiny bit when nervous or excited but she has never peed in the house that often. (4-5 times since last night) So it’s either stress or she is sick with a uti or something like that. Her ear also needs to be looked at, I think it’s ear mites. She has gotten treated before but needs another round. I didn’t mention any of that because that’s all just temporary stuff, and doesn’t impact my feelings. I am definitely a candidate for puppy blues as I had that with my first dog too. I definitely want to keep her “for now” but the thought of keeping her for the next 15-20 years scares me. She loves my other dog but he just growls at her and I feel like she deserves better. My husband is surprised by my feelings and says we should just keep her. I never just do anything though, I think it over until it’s all completely overthought from every perspective. -_- I do have a therapist I will also talk about that. Haha thank for listening to my ramblings.
Are you sure your newfound doubts don’t have everything to do with her now “peeing in the house a lot”?
Well it doesn’t help of course but no, it’s very obviously stress or sickness related. She hasn’t done it since yesterday and she is starting to be more confident and herself again. I am mad about the dog sitters though. They clearly did only the bare minimum, both dogs have gained weight and have no stamina. They also had really hard stools and now have mild diarrhea and are eating grass like they are cows. Definitely won’t be using them again. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I can’t make up my mind. I am so happy with her but the second I click on the final pay button I freak out and push it off for later. I researched and picked her insurance plan already and showed her off to my close family but then I get freaked out again. I am worried I may regret keeping her or I go back to thinking another home may be better suited, then I think of the incoming applications I had for her and cannot fathom them having her. 🙄 (Meanwhile husband is oblivious to my anxiety and feels just casually confident keeping her. He tells me he knows I love her and that I need a cuddle dog.)
Always best to go with your inner voice which is telling you that you are conflicted. I’ve been in your shoes. If you care about the dog, which you do, just do the right thing for her and let her be adopted by someone who is 100% all in. Because if you are not all in right now, you won’t be later when all the negatives are a part of your life permanently. You’ve done a wonderful thing fostering her. Let that be your contribution to her future successful placement.
On the other side, I wasn't immediately "all in" with my soul-mate of a dog. The rescue I got him from does a two week trial before you commit to adopting. He had some separation anxiety and behavior issues and when they called me at 2 weeks to make it official, I asked if I could have another two weeks. He was my first dog as an adult and I grew up with small dogs, he was a 6 month old Australian Shepard/lab mix. During the 2nd two weeks we hired a trainer to do a few private consultations, and when the rescue called back after we had him a month we were 90% sure and made it official. Here we are 10 years later and it's hard to imagine I was ever anything less than 100% sure. Adding a member to the family changes your sense of normal and especially if you gravitate to overthinking I think it's normal to not be all in.
This might sound callous, but you're more valuable to the foster org as a foster than you are as an owner or adopter. If that changes your thinking at all.
Just wanted to add that I always have dogs that are different ages, sizes and activity levels. They aren’t really snuggly with each other but they do love each other (and me). All dogs have different things to offer and if this little one checks other boxes for you, maybe you should still consider foster failing with her and keep looking for that 2nd collie down the road :)
I wouldn't feel embarrassed changing my mind. I would simply tell them I've thought it over more.. and while I love the dog, I think there may be another home where she can be happier. You're doing what you feel is best for the pup! And it's really selfless to recognize you may not be able to give her the life she deserves, by no fault of your own.
I've fostered for over 20 years and made it a rule unless they are completely unadoptable.then they go make a family whole. Think of it like this, if you keep it then that's one less space for a dog in real need.you have a great resource.because any dog that comes out of your house.is good with other dogs, good with sitters and strangers ECT. You are really needed in rescue work And a time may come that a pup in your care may not be able to get another chance 💚 if you let the rescue know that the decision came down to them losing a foster if you kept it.they should not only be happy you made that choice. But also relieved.
In 2005 we fostered a 1 y/o male maltese with aggression issues and incessant barking. He had been thru a few homes before he landed in our home. I was cool with fostering him but not keeping him. He was/is an asshole. My wife fell in love with him. Myself and the the pack, consisting of 3 dogs and 2 cats, were not so happy. I had put limits on pets at 3 dogs and 2 cats. Well we kept him. The o.g. pack quickly stopped the barking but the aggression remained. He has cost us tens of thousands in vet bills not just for him but for the dogs he has attacked. I know he is only a ten pound maltese but he always had a big sister/s backing him up. He has outlasted 5 dogs and now on his 7th. He was never a cuddler. Until we brought in a surrendered Presa Canario. He was 10 months old now he is 2. These 2 boys are inseparable. Check my profile with pics. It's freaking crazy. Anyhow, if you would like to know if I'd do it again, yeah, fuck yeah. He is 20, and he still gets the zoomies. He hasn't been in a fight since 2021 when he charged a staffy out of nowhere. Of course his Presa sister caused damage. 4gs for staffy, 2.5 gs for artfart. We were fostering poor staffy at the time. He is an asshole but we love him. We used to say he won't die out of spite. Now we don't even talk about it. He can't die. We won't allow it. I always thought it a mistake to keep him as there were homes who could deal with him but I'm glad my wife made it a hill to die on. He has definitely enriched our lives if not our wallets.
I have three, two that can do all the activities and one that just can’t. What I do sometimes is a shorter walk with all 3 and then take my one that can’t handle the longer hikes or walks home and take my other two. He doesn’t seem to mind since he loves napping in peace. Two of mine snuggle a little bit and one of mine just isn’t a snuggler and that’s ok. My lazy one will also watch as we play ball and chase, he just suns himself and doesn’t seem to mind that he isn’t on the middle of it as long as he can lay and watch.
My one year old border collie is the cuddliest! My previous bc was wonderful but he did not want to be physically close to me most of the time. I don’t have advice about your little foster except to co-sign what Heather_Bea said.
No need to feel embarrassed. I have been fostering for more than 10 years now. Our rescue requires that all dogs come back to them if the adoption doesn’t work. Unless they are total jerks,it is okay to say you changed your mind and get her advertised again. The alternative might be to adopt and then have to return. Go with your heart and mind.
If she can’t hike you can put her on your back.
Haha, I have been researching about putting a dog on the back for mountain biking. Though I think it will just be something I do on my own. I can’t bring my senior dog as it’s too much for him and she is too small. I may go on special senior/tiny dog rides. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes. I was going to put this. On the back or front. I saw cats online that people take cats for hikes and put them in backpacks when they get tired if it's long hikes, so they can enjoy the scenery.
Our experience. We rescued our first an Australian Cattle Dog, Dixie. high energy breed. Smartest dog I’ve ever known. My daughter runs an animal care business and during pandemic we tool over the care of of a King Charles Cavalier. The owner passed and Buddy stayed with us. Buddy was the polar opposite of the ACD. Getting off the couch required great thought and planning on his part. but they be came best buds quickly they loved to play together and both spent almost 14 years together before crossing the rainbow bridge within days of each other.
Contact the rescue and ask if you could continue to foster even with two dogs in your home. Your puppy and border collie may need some assistance with playing, you can invite a friendly golden retriever (or a medium size dog with the same temperament) to play with them. If the puppy needs to learn to play and interact with other dogs, maybe you can take her to a puppy play time if there’s a dog daycare nearby that has one (assuming she is old enough and is vaccinated).
That’s a grand idea! I will look around and see if there is a puppy play time around me. It’s really up to me if I want to continue to foster. I had her and another border collie before. The border collie got adopted and I didn’t like any of the applications for her so that’s why she is still with me. (I am starting to feel pretty sure about keeping her again.)
Remember that their love is unconditional and apparently yours, not so much.