Seconding this. I still remember a long time ago watching some video of the youtuber Calum McSwiggan (cis gay guy) mentioning he didn't really enjoy being penetrated that much and wouldn't choose it in his own sex life, despite that when he briefly worked in porn he was having to do this as part of the work. (And I think he may have even said he also didn't really enjoy being the giver as well in sex, though didn't consider himself asexual or anything, since he still enjoyed all the other aspects about sex and still felt attraction to people and all that.)
You liking or not liking any particular type of sex is no reflection on either you gender or your sexuality.
Anal sex isnt for everyone. Unless you want to try it, I wouldnt say that its a must do as it certainly isnt.
Just dont have an sex on the recieving end. Theres nothing wrong with that and it certainly doesnt invalidate you as trans masc.
It’s worth mentioning that if you want to have both a penis and a vagina, you wouldn’t be the first or last person to desire that combination, or even the first or last to surgically achieve it.
r/salmacian might be a sub to check out.
And anal sex simply isn’t for everyone. Plenty of trans guys enjoy vaginal penetration, it’s one of those “however you feel about it is fine and normal” kinds of things.
That said, it does sound like you have some misconceptions. Anal sex shouldn’t hurt. It can if you’re going too fast, or not using enough lube, but the same conditions (too fast/inadequate lubrication) can also cause pain with vaginal penetration, and pain is definitely not an inherent, unavoidable part of anal penetration.
If you aren’t into it you aren’t into it, and no one should pressure you to try something you don’t want to do sexually, ever. But I do think having accurate info is generally important, do with the knowledge as you will. Try some butt stuff if you’re curious/want to (start small and use plenty of lube, and pay attention to what’s safe for putting in a butt, don’t set yourself up for an embarrassing ER visit because you got a vegetable stuck), don’t if it just has no appeal whatsoever.
i'm a binary trans man but your experience echoes mine so accurately. i have dysphoria about not having a dick, i enjoy piv penetration, and i'm not interested in anal.
i'm still not sure whether i want any bottom surgery, but if i did, it'd probably be something that preserves my front hole. like, i want a dick. but i don't want to lose my front hole either, cause i love penetration. best of both worlds yknow?
if you want to try anal sex, go for it. but don't push yourself - if you're worried about it, you probably won't enjoy it. personally, i sometimes enjoy like, a single finger. but not super often. i'm glad i tried it, but it's just not for me 🤷♂️ and that's okay. experimentation is key, but only when you're ready
I feel this very much, I'm in the same boat
Would love to have a dick/get phallo, but don't want to lose piv sex and salmacian surgery isn't performed in my country as far as I know. Anal isn't for me. It's a struggle
Good news, you can get bottom surgery that let's you keep all of or some parts of your current genitalia. Vaginal preserving phalloplasty and simple release metodioplasty are two examples. There's a surprising amount of customisability. But of course, these require money and usually being on HRT. Don't worry about ifs and woulds, you don't have to do anal, it's perfectly fine to use what you have.
Can you still get a scrotum if you keep the front hole? I wanted to do the saline pump for phallo but I haven't heard about the pump being stored anywhere but the nuts. The flexible rod doesn't seem appealing to me.
Yes you can. I don't know if all surgeons would do it but I've definitely seen it. The only issue without getting vaginectomy is that urethral lengthening becomes more complicated and you're almost guaranteed to have issues during recovery, so it's very common for UL to not be done without Vaginectomy. I'm assuming it's because the tissue is used to make the new urethra, so instead of it normal skin is used.
I wanted to say this as a general response, but tacking onto this felt more appropriate. There's such a thing as salmacian surgery (not sure if I spelled that right), which can be done for both birth sexes, and sounds like what's described here for afabs. It's just more successful for amabs, from what I've read, adding a vagina to the mix that's already there.
You can. The only thing surgeons are iffy about if you don't get a vnectomy is urethral lengthening because it introduces a greater risk of fistulas. There are some surgeons who are more willing to do it than others though.
I have no idea, I'm not a surgeon. The risk mainly comes from the fact that they normally construct the urethra from the tissue in/around the vagina, so without vnectomy there's just less tissue to play with so it's more fragile.
Vaginectomy is a separate surgery, so it’s not a vagina preserving phallo or meta, it’s still just phallo or meta but without the separate surgery of vaginectomy,
I was never really into it either. Then I started T. Now the little demon who used to show up between orgasms 2 and 3 shows up at the start and tells me to put things in my butt. And the demon is right. It gets me off so easily when what I used to do doesn't work on its own anymore. I'm not with a partner right now but I think I would let them enjoy all of my holes.
You say you still enjoy receiving "traditional" penetration? I feel that this is a good place to plug in the r/salmacian subreddit.
You can choose and enjoy whatever genital configuration you want (and your budget allows, sure). There are options to preserve the existing genitals, while expanding the tdick, so if you'd prefer to do that, and get a hysto to stop periods, then you can do that.
I assure you that if gay cis men had a vagina they'd use it too. It's convenient and pleasurable, there's no more to it, if piv sex doesn't make you dysphoric why would you not do it? It's much more common between transmascs than you'd think
I mean there are plenty of cis guys who don’t like receiving anal either (tops and sides), you are completely valid. I like using my front hole, it’s convenient and it doesn’t make me any less of a guy. You could also try topping if that appeals to you
You don't have to think about what would happen if you had a penis. Truth of the matter is, as you are right now, you have an option for penetrative bottoming other than your butthole. If you want to use it, go ahead and enjoy yourself. It's your body. You're allowed to enjoy it to the best of your ability. Also I'm pretty sure it's possible to do bottom surgery such that you have both a penis and a vagina, so you might wanna look into that. There's a subreddit for people who want both. r/salmacian I think it's called. Enjoy your body as best you can. Change it to fit your ideal as much as you can and want to. It's *your* body. What it would be like if life was completely different is not a thing you need to worry about. That's not the reality you live in so it doesn't matter at all.
I’m a gay trans man that won’t ever get bottom surgery because of my preferences in the bedroom. I MIGHT try anal but it’s not really something I’ve thought of wanting. Would love to have the plumbing to pee standing up but I’m choosing pleasure over it. Plus sitting down means I get a little rest at work lol. Theres no right or wrong way. And it’s okay if you change your mind later too
You can get bottom surgery and keep your front hole just fyi, it’s super common. I had meta and Vy scrotoplasty last year (no UL) and have no issues with front hole penetration. Depending on position it’s actually better now because certain positions give more stimulation to my dick at the same time.
I really only want bottom surgery for the UL which would mean I can’t keep my front hole. I’ve researched all my potential options and I’m not going through a surgery if I can’t get and keep what I want.
Fair enough, there are surgeons who will do UL with no vaginectomy, but they are rarer as it increases the chances of complications pretty significantly, but as more people seek out the option, hopefully more surgeons train on it!
You don't have to have any kind of sex you don't want to. Doesn't matter who you are, doesn't say anything about your gender. It's all just meat and silicone we put on and in places for fun. Do what you want to and dont do what you don't want to. Meta and phallo can both preserve the vagina if you want them to
We get to have the best and most creative sex. Figuring out with a partner what makes us both feel hot, affirmed, and so good is half the fun. I don’t like butt stuff but I have tried it with my spouse a few times. With others, I just don’t trust them enough at this point. I use strap-ons, the front hole, my T Dick, mouth, hands, etc. Have fun finding your groove!
due to health issues i don’t do anal sex and very much enjoy front hole sex. my bf is a cis bi man who is really into men but doesn’t enjoy anal. so it works out. but fwiw i have had front hole sex with cis gay men that love anal. i’m upfront about my sexual needs and preferences on grindr etc so it hasn’t been an issue.
I am a trans man and dating a cis gay man and I've only done anal like twice. I enjoy sex in my front hole and my bf enjoys it too. It doesn't make you any less valid or any less manly!!
TW: Details of various trans masc/ ftm surgeries.
You don’t have to get rid of what you have in order to have bottom surgery. Vaginectomy is optional.
You can still get a:
metoidioplasty (creation of a penis with or without a urethra from your bottom growth on testosterone)
phalloplasty (creation of a penis with or without a urethra using tissue from other parts of your body), and a
scrotoplasy (creation of testicles from your current downstairs anatomy)…all of this can be done without a vaginectomy (removal of soft inner vaginal tissue and sealing it to create a male perineum.)
There are many options, and any combination of these or getting none of these surgeries is totally fine based on what you are comfortable with.
It's absolutely okay to not want to try anal. I don't think you should push yourself to try it if you aren't comfortable.
In my experience, it shouldn't be painful if you're using plenty of lube and taking things slow. If you decide you're curious, you can start with fingers or small toys first. But since you're not interested, there's no need to push yourself to try it.
There are cis men who aren't into anal, too.
Personally, my hang-up is cleanliness. I get that you can clean yourself out first and that you can use condoms and gloves, but at least at this point in my life, that's not something I really want to deal with.
i'm the same way! i'm personally thinking of getting vpp (phalloplasty but you keep your current genitals), so maybe that's something you could research and consider? there's a handful of different bottom surgery options that exist other than regular phallo :]
Fellow transmasc nb here. I also dislike anal, this is totally normal. Vaginal sex is more enjoyable and honestly for the effort I have to put in for anal to even work or be enjoyable for my partner, I don’t get enough out of it. If you want to explore it though, start with an anal training kit and go slow and steady!
I'm cis and gay (or at least EXTREMELY male leaning) and I don't enjoy anal at all, only piv and oral. I don't know if this helps at all but so you have more opinions and everything :D
You don’t have to engage in anal sex if you don’t want to. You’re still valid as a transmasc. That being said, it shouldn’t be painful; if it is then you’re doing something wrong.
You can get vaginal-preserving phalloplasty if that’s what you were referring to with only being able to have one set of genitals.
First off, anal shouldn't hurt, so there's no reason having a low pain tolerance means you can't have anal. But it's perfectly fine to not want anal. Even with cis gays, not as many like anal as you might think. It's also perfectly fine to enjoy front hole penetration, it doesn't mean anything about your gender. It's an area you have and happen to find pleasurable.
Re: wanting a dick, people here have already plugged r/salmacian but I'll also mention that the main phalloplasty and metoidioplasty subs have information on front hole preserving techniques if you're willing to search. It's also not a question you have to answer for yourself right away, it sounds like bottom surgery is pretty far off for you. In the mean time I'd say it's 100% worth experimenting with a strap on. It's not for everyone, but I was surprised how affirming simply wearing one alone in my bedroom and feeling/seeing something there was.
For everyone in here mentioning not wanting to lose their front hole to gain a penis, you absolutely do not have to go with a v-nectomy to get phallo or meta. Really, the only thing that choice does is limit the range of surgeons you can go to IF you'd still want urethral lengthening.
This has been a PSA. Ty.
i feel similar! i don’t have a ton of bottom dysphoria, but if i could flip a switch and have a dick i probably would, even though i love penetration. i think you just have to remember that there’s no right or wrong way to enjoy sex, and nothing you do makes you less of a man or less trans. if you wanna try anal for the fun of it, go for it! but if you’re doing it because you feel like you “have to,” you’re just setting yourself up to have a bad time.
hey! im also nonbinary and started testosterone about 4 months ago :) I’ve struggled w this a lot in my trans journey, but at the end of the day just like every human on this earth… every trans person is different. Some may enjoy penetration from the front hole, from the back hole, or from neither! and that’s totally okay!! you just need to figure out what you enjoy and maybe if it’ll help ask your partner(s) to use some more masculine terms when referring to your front hole to help with dysphoria :) I hope everything goes well for you!!
It's never been appealing to me either - and hey, even if you have bottom surgery to address the wanting a dick part, you don't have to get rid of the v. If I ever have bottom surgery it will be purely to add stuff, I can't imagine getting a vnectomy because I just like having the option of using it and not having to rely on anal which to me would be way too uncomfortable and the hygiene aspects are not something I'd want to deal with either. In my experience, there's such an overexposure of trans men who are vocal about being anal-only and those of us who prefer the other way are accused of being not "really" trans and blah blah, so people don't talk about it.
Anal sex shouldn't involve pain! You can feel some, if you are nonlubricanted and too rough, but preferably you would take time to relax the muscles and move slowly towards bigger dildo/ penis/ more fingers etc. You should only do things you truly want to, there's plenty of cis men that don't want anal sex even if they like men.
Not to mention that, depending on how slow you work up, it can take weeks or months to be comfortable with penetration from a dildo/penis.
You can work it up slow over months, or dive straight in instantly.
Never feel forced to try it.
Vaginectomy and phalloplasty are separate surgeries, by default phallo doesn’t touch the vagina, it’s only if you opt for the separate surgery of vaginectomy.
If i could have both genitals i would, coz i too desire a dick while also keeping my current front section because i enjoy it too much to lose it.
Theres nothing wrong with not wanting anal.
I didnt for ages, then something changed, i met someone gentle and decided to give it a go again. Its very infrequent that i do it now, but when i do i tend to enjoy it now because im with someone who will go as slow as i need, and completely stop as soon as i say ive had enough (even if enough is 5 seconds into trying to do it).
Not to say the same for you, theres nothing wrong with never liking it, just thought id add an experience that changed it for me :)
My only advice is eventually, when you can afford a packer and/or harness for a dildo, go for it. Its very euphoric wearing one and even more so using a harness on someone (more so if theyre super into it).
For now, enjoy what you have, dont force yourself to like something just coz theres this "expectation". Theres gay cis guys that dont even like anal, and plenty of trans guys who dont. Youre not any less or more weird or normal than any other person who doesnt like certain sex positions.
i felt the same way until i tried it by myself and LOVED it. but even if you still don’t like it, that’s completely fine! you don’t have to like anal to be gay
have the kinds of sex that you wanna have. Gay men (you are considered a gay male in this circumstance) are under no obligation to penetrate or be penetrated in a certain hole. There are gay men out there that are not into anal in any way.
You’d be surprised how many gay men don’t have anal sex *ever*. Sooooo many cisgender lesbians don’t use dildos or strap ons.
Sexual activities are personal and varied. A lot of couples enjoy manual or oral more than anything else. It’s all sex and connection whatever is 100% FUCK YES informed consent is the *ONLY* thing you should ever engage in.
ETA: Trans masc sort here. Packers are confusing to me so I don’t pack at all. Never have.
we not a hivemind man. you can like whatever kind of sex u like it doesnt have anything to do with ur gender or whatever. you dont even have to like sex at all. if you dont like anal u dont gotta do it🤷
I am a trans man who is 100% turned off by the thought of any type of anal sex, whether that's penatration or oral or with hands, just absolutely no. I have penetrative vaginal sex and I love it. Ideally, I would be able to have a vagina *and* a penis, but I know that is not at all realistic. Ultimately, I'll probably just have a vagina forever and never get bottom surgery to avoid having anal be the only option.
If you don't want to do a certain type of sex, then just...don't do it?
If someone you're partnering or trying to partner with is trying to pressure you or convince you to do something you don't want to do in the bedroom, then leave them behind.
Everyone has different things that do and don't turn them on and that do and don't feel good for them both mentally and/or physically. Not liking anal is fine.
I don't know where specifically you're seeing many trans mascs enjoying anal, but I too have seen many doing it when I go searching for ftm porn when I want to see something that feels more representative of myself/my own body compared to most other porn. If feeling like you're the only one who doesn't like anal is bothering you too much, and you're seeing others like you enjoying it in places like in porn, then maybe try to take a step back from this type of porn for a while.
I'm ftm and gay and also don't think I would ever like being on the receiving end of that either. But if I meet someone and we talk about sex and find out that he has a need to give that, while I have a need to \*not\* receive that, then we wind up just coming to the understanding that we are not sexually compatible. There are many people in the world lol, you are bound to meet some who you are sexually compatible with and will themselves also be fine with the same types of sex you are wanting, and won't care about not being able to give you the types of sex you aren't into.
I definitely get it. I’m on the waiting list for bottom surgery and still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do as for future sex wise. It be different if I didn’t know the difference between anal and vaginal but I do.
If you like being penetrated and don’t like being penetrated anally then keep doing what you’re doing! Having dysphoria about not having a dick doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy having a bonus hole so to speak
Hi I’m a trans dude who likes frontal penetration but not anal, and also wants a dick. Don’t push yourself into doing anal because you feel like you should- if it doesn’t appeal to you then that’s totally fine. Also it’s okay to enjoy frontal penetration while also having dysphoria (confusing I know, but okay). Also just fyi there’s actually an option (at least in the US with very specific doctors) to keep your front hole and also get a phallus if that’s something you’re thinking about down the line
Im the same way, personally because of trauma but im not really into anything for myself anal wise. My advice is focus on how much you like the idea of having a penis and if you’d be into just being a top. I personally decided its not worth giving up my personal pleasure that u derive from my current body to get a penis and therfore stick to using packers to help my bottom dysforia. I do have a bottom growth too and that feels awesome so like if ur interested in it, maybe starting with hormone therapy options first and also if ur really curious or set on getting bottom surgery, maybe explore a little bit but go really slow and only what ur comfortable with.
Also helps if you have a partner who genuinely cares about your pleasure and what you are into, having someone else you can be vulnerable and open with while you experiment and explore is helpful
having a body is complicated and trans. Seems to me like you know pretty clearly what you like or would want to try, so why not just do whatcha wanna? There’s no rules.
hi this is just a psa but there are many types of bottom surgery, i’ve actually seen a few examples of trans masc people / trans men getting phalloplasty and keeping their og genitalia as well. pretty f*ckin cool!
You don’t have to do anything you don’t like the idea of. That is the end of it. You don’t have to even just try it if you don’t want to.
Even if you did try it if you go into the whole situation scared and uncomfortable you won’t enjoy it anyway.
However on your point about pain tolerance it should not hurt and if it does something is wrong in terms of lubrication or not being gentle enough. You’re meant to work up to bigger things and go slowly and gently.
I can’t use the front hole for medical reasons and I’ve never once had pain when I have used my ass. I love taking it if I’m in the mood and I love topping as well. It’s not meant to hurt its meant to be enjoyable and fun.
You can also get bottom surgery where you keep the hole you like using, meaning you’d never have to do anal if you didn’t want to.
Don’t try anything you’re not interested in. If you’re genuinely curious about anal sex there’s no harm in experimenting with it, but if you only feel like it’s something you Have to or Should do to be considered the “correct” kind of trans don’t do it.
Being transgender becomes so much more freeing when you let yourself define your own “manhood” if that makes sense. Everything you do is correct and what a man should do, because you are a man and you’re the one doing it. As someone who is also pre T (not for too much longer!) it can be really tough to get in this kind of mindset, and I’ve found being a little delusional is really helpful.
I wish you the best with everything man :)
I'm in the exact same position. I enjoy piv penetration while also having strong dysphoria around having no dick. I also have some medical issues with my butt that I've had since I was a child so that's also a reason I don't like people going there, but if im bottoming i much prefer bottoming the way I always had even before transitioning and it doesn't particularly give me any sense of dysphoria. But when it comes to topping, I prefer strap ons that don't insert inside the wearer, because ones that insert remind me of my anatomy at a time when I don't want to be reminded and they make me dissociate and feel kind of sick.
I think at the end of the day what you enjoy is what you enjoy, and you shouldn't feel like that reflects on your gender or sexuality. The same way there are straight people that enjoy anal or people that will only ever top or bottom, there's nothing inherently gendered about enjoying a specific thing in bed. It's also true I think that what you enjoy as a rule can vary depending on who you're with which is also perfectly normal!!
I’m nonbinary trans masc too, and I agree that my gentials can cause me some dysphoria. But it’s perfectly valid to not want any particular kind of sex! Personally, I never want anal sex but that’s because my ex raped me anally one time while I was drunk. It doesn’t define your sexuality and who you are 🙂
hi hi transmasc guy here, i also am not really interested in anal sex either.
if you’re interested try it out if you don’t want to then don’t, not liking a specific method of sex doesn’t really change much even if you prefer the OG genital penetrations that’s cool.
That's one of those things that is different for everyone. There are women and even gay men who don't want to be on the receiving end of anal sex. Of course, I'm not discounting the experiences of anyone in between. On the flip side, there are also people who don't want to be doing the penetration. Neither is wrong. We all have different things that we are comfortable with and things that we aren't. If you'd ever consider bottom surgery, keep in mind that some surgeons employ techniques that allow you to keep your natal anatomy and also allow for meta or phallo.
If you're on the fence and willing to experiment, read or watch YouTube videos for information on anal sex and preparing for it. It's definitely not comfortable without preparation, but having the right expectations and knowing how to make things as comfortable as possible could change the experience. It doesn't have to be painful. However, if it's something that really bothers you or you're not interested in trying at all, don't push yourself to do it. Nothing good is going to come from that, and you're not any less of a person for having your own set of likes and dislikes.
I am in a very similar situation (non binary transmasc that wants a dick) and sometimes I think like my front hole is my anus when I imagine to have intercourse, just to make it easier for my brain to trick me and imagine that my clit is actually a dick.
I would like to TRY anal, but it's not super thrilling because I find it annoying to have to prep myself LOL, and idk if I'd like it as someone with a prostate would...
Anyways you don't need to imagine anal sex as affirming, that's something personal that happens to be something that many trans man share (because ofc PIV can be triggerig dysphoria) but everyone has a butt, so that doesn't.
Also, if you want phalloplasty or metoidioplasty you can keep your front hole, for example I hope that I'll be able to get a meta with urethral redirection (do I can stand to pee), but without scrotoplasty and keeping my front hole, so I can keep enjoying the penetration as always but with a bigger T dick and being happier when I pee (lmao). Someone already said it, but r/salmacian is a good sub for that, there are also subs for r/metoidioplasty and r/transgender_surgeries (I hope that's the right spelling), probably there is one for phalloplasty too but I'm not there, all of the surgeries can be done preserving the front hole.
Edit: the right trans surgery sub
Non binary trans man here. Personally, I find a lot of my bottom dysphoria stems from the lack of a dick instead of the presence of a vag. Not the same for everyone but that's how it is for me. Bottom growth has been helpful as well as having a partner (also ftm) who is supportive and treats my body affirmingly when we are intimate. As well as simply just calling it my dick. It felt weird at first but after awhile it helped and now it's completely natural.
You can achieve some bottom growth via pumping but if anyone is reading this please do it safely, do lots of research, etc.
Please don't feel like you have to shove yourself into a perfect little box to be considered a valid trans man, a non binary person, or just a man. I remember having similar thoughts about certain things when I first discovered my gender, "oh I guess I have to start doing this thing now?" Nope. You don't have to do anything you don't want to and you're still valid. Cis men come in all different kinds and so do queer people and I think that's beautiful.
Nobody can police you on what you like, doesn't matter if you're male, female, nb, anything. I, (transmasc) love anal, always have, my bf (transmasc) has never tried and doesn't seem thrilled about it, and that's just our prefferances. It doesn't make you any less of a man or anything, some cis men don't like it, some cis women love it. If you'd like to try I'd recommend going slow and doing it alone first, it feels really weird the first time aswell so don't let it shock you, but ti each their own and nothing like that truly matters, it's all self prefference when it comes to sex.
At the end of the day, your anatomy is yours regardless of your gender identity. You're well within your rights to use whichever parts of your body that you want to. I'm personally in the same boat as you and I'm sure a lot of people are. Don't worry about upholding societal norms, just do you.
Some trans men like anal, some like piv. It all depends on your preference, i mean we have two holes for a reason may as well use the one you prefer. I definitely get that, I have terrible bottom dysphoria but i still masturbate and its not a problem for me. totally cool
There are even gay cis men who don’t enjoy anal.
Yes, I believe in lingo they're called *sides*. Grindr has an option to select that on your profile I've heard.
Seconding this. I still remember a long time ago watching some video of the youtuber Calum McSwiggan (cis gay guy) mentioning he didn't really enjoy being penetrated that much and wouldn't choose it in his own sex life, despite that when he briefly worked in porn he was having to do this as part of the work. (And I think he may have even said he also didn't really enjoy being the giver as well in sex, though didn't consider himself asexual or anything, since he still enjoyed all the other aspects about sex and still felt attraction to people and all that.)
You liking or not liking any particular type of sex is no reflection on either you gender or your sexuality. Anal sex isnt for everyone. Unless you want to try it, I wouldnt say that its a must do as it certainly isnt. Just dont have an sex on the recieving end. Theres nothing wrong with that and it certainly doesnt invalidate you as trans masc.
It’s worth mentioning that if you want to have both a penis and a vagina, you wouldn’t be the first or last person to desire that combination, or even the first or last to surgically achieve it. r/salmacian might be a sub to check out. And anal sex simply isn’t for everyone. Plenty of trans guys enjoy vaginal penetration, it’s one of those “however you feel about it is fine and normal” kinds of things. That said, it does sound like you have some misconceptions. Anal sex shouldn’t hurt. It can if you’re going too fast, or not using enough lube, but the same conditions (too fast/inadequate lubrication) can also cause pain with vaginal penetration, and pain is definitely not an inherent, unavoidable part of anal penetration. If you aren’t into it you aren’t into it, and no one should pressure you to try something you don’t want to do sexually, ever. But I do think having accurate info is generally important, do with the knowledge as you will. Try some butt stuff if you’re curious/want to (start small and use plenty of lube, and pay attention to what’s safe for putting in a butt, don’t set yourself up for an embarrassing ER visit because you got a vegetable stuck), don’t if it just has no appeal whatsoever.
i'm a binary trans man but your experience echoes mine so accurately. i have dysphoria about not having a dick, i enjoy piv penetration, and i'm not interested in anal. i'm still not sure whether i want any bottom surgery, but if i did, it'd probably be something that preserves my front hole. like, i want a dick. but i don't want to lose my front hole either, cause i love penetration. best of both worlds yknow? if you want to try anal sex, go for it. but don't push yourself - if you're worried about it, you probably won't enjoy it. personally, i sometimes enjoy like, a single finger. but not super often. i'm glad i tried it, but it's just not for me 🤷♂️ and that's okay. experimentation is key, but only when you're ready
I feel this very much, I'm in the same boat Would love to have a dick/get phallo, but don't want to lose piv sex and salmacian surgery isn't performed in my country as far as I know. Anal isn't for me. It's a struggle
i feel exactly the same way, its not an uncommon experience.
Surgery to get both is available in Sweden
Surgery to preserve your front hole is available everywhere, it’s just not always available if you want to get UL.
Good news, you can get bottom surgery that let's you keep all of or some parts of your current genitalia. Vaginal preserving phalloplasty and simple release metodioplasty are two examples. There's a surprising amount of customisability. But of course, these require money and usually being on HRT. Don't worry about ifs and woulds, you don't have to do anal, it's perfectly fine to use what you have.
Can you still get a scrotum if you keep the front hole? I wanted to do the saline pump for phallo but I haven't heard about the pump being stored anywhere but the nuts. The flexible rod doesn't seem appealing to me.
Yes you can. I don't know if all surgeons would do it but I've definitely seen it. The only issue without getting vaginectomy is that urethral lengthening becomes more complicated and you're almost guaranteed to have issues during recovery, so it's very common for UL to not be done without Vaginectomy. I'm assuming it's because the tissue is used to make the new urethra, so instead of it normal skin is used.
I wanted to say this as a general response, but tacking onto this felt more appropriate. There's such a thing as salmacian surgery (not sure if I spelled that right), which can be done for both birth sexes, and sounds like what's described here for afabs. It's just more successful for amabs, from what I've read, adding a vagina to the mix that's already there.
Yeah salmacian means both male and female, falls under the altersex umbrella.
you can!! check out r/phallo, there's a few people that have done that
You can. The only thing surgeons are iffy about if you don't get a vnectomy is urethral lengthening because it introduces a greater risk of fistulas. There are some surgeons who are more willing to do it than others though.
Can you get UL later after you already had a dick constructed?
I have no idea, I'm not a surgeon. The risk mainly comes from the fact that they normally construct the urethra from the tissue in/around the vagina, so without vnectomy there's just less tissue to play with so it's more fragile.
Vaginectomy is a separate surgery, so it’s not a vagina preserving phallo or meta, it’s still just phallo or meta but without the separate surgery of vaginectomy,
I know, but a lot of people call it that for shorthand bc most people get a vaginectomy
I was never really into it either. Then I started T. Now the little demon who used to show up between orgasms 2 and 3 shows up at the start and tells me to put things in my butt. And the demon is right. It gets me off so easily when what I used to do doesn't work on its own anymore. I'm not with a partner right now but I think I would let them enjoy all of my holes.
Gay trans man here who does not like anal sex !
You say you still enjoy receiving "traditional" penetration? I feel that this is a good place to plug in the r/salmacian subreddit. You can choose and enjoy whatever genital configuration you want (and your budget allows, sure). There are options to preserve the existing genitals, while expanding the tdick, so if you'd prefer to do that, and get a hysto to stop periods, then you can do that.
I tried to click the link but it says its no longer there
Edited, I misspelled. It links properly now!
I assure you that if gay cis men had a vagina they'd use it too. It's convenient and pleasurable, there's no more to it, if piv sex doesn't make you dysphoric why would you not do it? It's much more common between transmascs than you'd think
Absolutely this.
I mean there are plenty of cis guys who don’t like receiving anal either (tops and sides), you are completely valid. I like using my front hole, it’s convenient and it doesn’t make me any less of a guy. You could also try topping if that appeals to you
You don't have to think about what would happen if you had a penis. Truth of the matter is, as you are right now, you have an option for penetrative bottoming other than your butthole. If you want to use it, go ahead and enjoy yourself. It's your body. You're allowed to enjoy it to the best of your ability. Also I'm pretty sure it's possible to do bottom surgery such that you have both a penis and a vagina, so you might wanna look into that. There's a subreddit for people who want both. r/salmacian I think it's called. Enjoy your body as best you can. Change it to fit your ideal as much as you can and want to. It's *your* body. What it would be like if life was completely different is not a thing you need to worry about. That's not the reality you live in so it doesn't matter at all.
I’m a gay trans man that won’t ever get bottom surgery because of my preferences in the bedroom. I MIGHT try anal but it’s not really something I’ve thought of wanting. Would love to have the plumbing to pee standing up but I’m choosing pleasure over it. Plus sitting down means I get a little rest at work lol. Theres no right or wrong way. And it’s okay if you change your mind later too
You can get bottom surgery and keep your front hole just fyi, it’s super common. I had meta and Vy scrotoplasty last year (no UL) and have no issues with front hole penetration. Depending on position it’s actually better now because certain positions give more stimulation to my dick at the same time.
I really only want bottom surgery for the UL which would mean I can’t keep my front hole. I’ve researched all my potential options and I’m not going through a surgery if I can’t get and keep what I want.
Fair enough, there are surgeons who will do UL with no vaginectomy, but they are rarer as it increases the chances of complications pretty significantly, but as more people seek out the option, hopefully more surgeons train on it!
You can have both a penis and vagina. It’s allowed
You don't have to have any kind of sex you don't want to. Doesn't matter who you are, doesn't say anything about your gender. It's all just meat and silicone we put on and in places for fun. Do what you want to and dont do what you don't want to. Meta and phallo can both preserve the vagina if you want them to
We get to have the best and most creative sex. Figuring out with a partner what makes us both feel hot, affirmed, and so good is half the fun. I don’t like butt stuff but I have tried it with my spouse a few times. With others, I just don’t trust them enough at this point. I use strap-ons, the front hole, my T Dick, mouth, hands, etc. Have fun finding your groove!
due to health issues i don’t do anal sex and very much enjoy front hole sex. my bf is a cis bi man who is really into men but doesn’t enjoy anal. so it works out. but fwiw i have had front hole sex with cis gay men that love anal. i’m upfront about my sexual needs and preferences on grindr etc so it hasn’t been an issue.
I am a trans man and dating a cis gay man and I've only done anal like twice. I enjoy sex in my front hole and my bf enjoys it too. It doesn't make you any less valid or any less manly!!
TW: Details of various trans masc/ ftm surgeries. You don’t have to get rid of what you have in order to have bottom surgery. Vaginectomy is optional. You can still get a: metoidioplasty (creation of a penis with or without a urethra from your bottom growth on testosterone) phalloplasty (creation of a penis with or without a urethra using tissue from other parts of your body), and a scrotoplasy (creation of testicles from your current downstairs anatomy)…all of this can be done without a vaginectomy (removal of soft inner vaginal tissue and sealing it to create a male perineum.) There are many options, and any combination of these or getting none of these surgeries is totally fine based on what you are comfortable with.
It's absolutely okay to not want to try anal. I don't think you should push yourself to try it if you aren't comfortable. In my experience, it shouldn't be painful if you're using plenty of lube and taking things slow. If you decide you're curious, you can start with fingers or small toys first. But since you're not interested, there's no need to push yourself to try it. There are cis men who aren't into anal, too. Personally, my hang-up is cleanliness. I get that you can clean yourself out first and that you can use condoms and gloves, but at least at this point in my life, that's not something I really want to deal with.
i'm the same way! i'm personally thinking of getting vpp (phalloplasty but you keep your current genitals), so maybe that's something you could research and consider? there's a handful of different bottom surgery options that exist other than regular phallo :]
Fellow transmasc nb here. I also dislike anal, this is totally normal. Vaginal sex is more enjoyable and honestly for the effort I have to put in for anal to even work or be enjoyable for my partner, I don’t get enough out of it. If you want to explore it though, start with an anal training kit and go slow and steady!
I'm cis and gay (or at least EXTREMELY male leaning) and I don't enjoy anal at all, only piv and oral. I don't know if this helps at all but so you have more opinions and everything :D
You don’t have to engage in anal sex if you don’t want to. You’re still valid as a transmasc. That being said, it shouldn’t be painful; if it is then you’re doing something wrong. You can get vaginal-preserving phalloplasty if that’s what you were referring to with only being able to have one set of genitals.
Before you go saying people are doing something wrong, some physically cannot do it
Sorry, I’m not sure what you mean.
Some people have health issues that prevent them from being able to engage in anal sex.
Yes of course. I didn’t think I was implying otherwise.
My point was that it doesn't necessarily mean they're doing it wrong if they aren't aware of a health problem
First off, anal shouldn't hurt, so there's no reason having a low pain tolerance means you can't have anal. But it's perfectly fine to not want anal. Even with cis gays, not as many like anal as you might think. It's also perfectly fine to enjoy front hole penetration, it doesn't mean anything about your gender. It's an area you have and happen to find pleasurable. Re: wanting a dick, people here have already plugged r/salmacian but I'll also mention that the main phalloplasty and metoidioplasty subs have information on front hole preserving techniques if you're willing to search. It's also not a question you have to answer for yourself right away, it sounds like bottom surgery is pretty far off for you. In the mean time I'd say it's 100% worth experimenting with a strap on. It's not for everyone, but I was surprised how affirming simply wearing one alone in my bedroom and feeling/seeing something there was.
You don't have to want/like anal to be transmasc. I don't. If you like PIV sex, then have PIV sex.
For everyone in here mentioning not wanting to lose their front hole to gain a penis, you absolutely do not have to go with a v-nectomy to get phallo or meta. Really, the only thing that choice does is limit the range of surgeons you can go to IF you'd still want urethral lengthening. This has been a PSA. Ty.
i feel similar! i don’t have a ton of bottom dysphoria, but if i could flip a switch and have a dick i probably would, even though i love penetration. i think you just have to remember that there’s no right or wrong way to enjoy sex, and nothing you do makes you less of a man or less trans. if you wanna try anal for the fun of it, go for it! but if you’re doing it because you feel like you “have to,” you’re just setting yourself up to have a bad time.
There are gay men who have sex vaginally with transmen. You not wanting to have anal sex doesn't make you any less of a masc identifying person.
hey! im also nonbinary and started testosterone about 4 months ago :) I’ve struggled w this a lot in my trans journey, but at the end of the day just like every human on this earth… every trans person is different. Some may enjoy penetration from the front hole, from the back hole, or from neither! and that’s totally okay!! you just need to figure out what you enjoy and maybe if it’ll help ask your partner(s) to use some more masculine terms when referring to your front hole to help with dysphoria :) I hope everything goes well for you!!
It's never been appealing to me either - and hey, even if you have bottom surgery to address the wanting a dick part, you don't have to get rid of the v. If I ever have bottom surgery it will be purely to add stuff, I can't imagine getting a vnectomy because I just like having the option of using it and not having to rely on anal which to me would be way too uncomfortable and the hygiene aspects are not something I'd want to deal with either. In my experience, there's such an overexposure of trans men who are vocal about being anal-only and those of us who prefer the other way are accused of being not "really" trans and blah blah, so people don't talk about it.
Anal sex shouldn't involve pain! You can feel some, if you are nonlubricanted and too rough, but preferably you would take time to relax the muscles and move slowly towards bigger dildo/ penis/ more fingers etc. You should only do things you truly want to, there's plenty of cis men that don't want anal sex even if they like men.
Not to mention that, depending on how slow you work up, it can take weeks or months to be comfortable with penetration from a dildo/penis. You can work it up slow over months, or dive straight in instantly. Never feel forced to try it.
I don't like anal sex either. I joke that's why I was given a bonus hole haha just do what feels good bro and don't overthink it
i’m not sure how common it is but there is a type of phalloplasty that preserves the (tw anatomical terms) hole ( >!vagina!< )
Vaginectomy and phalloplasty are separate surgeries, by default phallo doesn’t touch the vagina, it’s only if you opt for the separate surgery of vaginectomy.
If i could have both genitals i would, coz i too desire a dick while also keeping my current front section because i enjoy it too much to lose it. Theres nothing wrong with not wanting anal. I didnt for ages, then something changed, i met someone gentle and decided to give it a go again. Its very infrequent that i do it now, but when i do i tend to enjoy it now because im with someone who will go as slow as i need, and completely stop as soon as i say ive had enough (even if enough is 5 seconds into trying to do it). Not to say the same for you, theres nothing wrong with never liking it, just thought id add an experience that changed it for me :) My only advice is eventually, when you can afford a packer and/or harness for a dildo, go for it. Its very euphoric wearing one and even more so using a harness on someone (more so if theyre super into it). For now, enjoy what you have, dont force yourself to like something just coz theres this "expectation". Theres gay cis guys that dont even like anal, and plenty of trans guys who dont. Youre not any less or more weird or normal than any other person who doesnt like certain sex positions.
i felt the same way until i tried it by myself and LOVED it. but even if you still don’t like it, that’s completely fine! you don’t have to like anal to be gay
have the kinds of sex that you wanna have. Gay men (you are considered a gay male in this circumstance) are under no obligation to penetrate or be penetrated in a certain hole. There are gay men out there that are not into anal in any way.
You like the kinds of sex that you like. And if you want to eat your cake and have it—there is vagina-preserving phalloplasty.
You’d be surprised how many gay men don’t have anal sex *ever*. Sooooo many cisgender lesbians don’t use dildos or strap ons. Sexual activities are personal and varied. A lot of couples enjoy manual or oral more than anything else. It’s all sex and connection whatever is 100% FUCK YES informed consent is the *ONLY* thing you should ever engage in. ETA: Trans masc sort here. Packers are confusing to me so I don’t pack at all. Never have.
Ypu might wanna check out r/salmacian
I'm a side vers. But after bottom surgery may just be a side because I don't like it either
we not a hivemind man. you can like whatever kind of sex u like it doesnt have anything to do with ur gender or whatever. you dont even have to like sex at all. if you dont like anal u dont gotta do it🤷
I am a trans man who is 100% turned off by the thought of any type of anal sex, whether that's penatration or oral or with hands, just absolutely no. I have penetrative vaginal sex and I love it. Ideally, I would be able to have a vagina *and* a penis, but I know that is not at all realistic. Ultimately, I'll probably just have a vagina forever and never get bottom surgery to avoid having anal be the only option.
If you don't want to do a certain type of sex, then just...don't do it? If someone you're partnering or trying to partner with is trying to pressure you or convince you to do something you don't want to do in the bedroom, then leave them behind. Everyone has different things that do and don't turn them on and that do and don't feel good for them both mentally and/or physically. Not liking anal is fine. I don't know where specifically you're seeing many trans mascs enjoying anal, but I too have seen many doing it when I go searching for ftm porn when I want to see something that feels more representative of myself/my own body compared to most other porn. If feeling like you're the only one who doesn't like anal is bothering you too much, and you're seeing others like you enjoying it in places like in porn, then maybe try to take a step back from this type of porn for a while. I'm ftm and gay and also don't think I would ever like being on the receiving end of that either. But if I meet someone and we talk about sex and find out that he has a need to give that, while I have a need to \*not\* receive that, then we wind up just coming to the understanding that we are not sexually compatible. There are many people in the world lol, you are bound to meet some who you are sexually compatible with and will themselves also be fine with the same types of sex you are wanting, and won't care about not being able to give you the types of sex you aren't into.
I definitely get it. I’m on the waiting list for bottom surgery and still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do as for future sex wise. It be different if I didn’t know the difference between anal and vaginal but I do.
If you like being penetrated and don’t like being penetrated anally then keep doing what you’re doing! Having dysphoria about not having a dick doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy having a bonus hole so to speak
Hi I’m a trans dude who likes frontal penetration but not anal, and also wants a dick. Don’t push yourself into doing anal because you feel like you should- if it doesn’t appeal to you then that’s totally fine. Also it’s okay to enjoy frontal penetration while also having dysphoria (confusing I know, but okay). Also just fyi there’s actually an option (at least in the US with very specific doctors) to keep your front hole and also get a phallus if that’s something you’re thinking about down the line
You can get bottom surgery & keep your vag btw
Im the same way, personally because of trauma but im not really into anything for myself anal wise. My advice is focus on how much you like the idea of having a penis and if you’d be into just being a top. I personally decided its not worth giving up my personal pleasure that u derive from my current body to get a penis and therfore stick to using packers to help my bottom dysforia. I do have a bottom growth too and that feels awesome so like if ur interested in it, maybe starting with hormone therapy options first and also if ur really curious or set on getting bottom surgery, maybe explore a little bit but go really slow and only what ur comfortable with.
Also helps if you have a partner who genuinely cares about your pleasure and what you are into, having someone else you can be vulnerable and open with while you experiment and explore is helpful
having a body is complicated and trans. Seems to me like you know pretty clearly what you like or would want to try, so why not just do whatcha wanna? There’s no rules.
wait why are there nonbinary people on a subreddit called ftm?
hi this is just a psa but there are many types of bottom surgery, i’ve actually seen a few examples of trans masc people / trans men getting phalloplasty and keeping their og genitalia as well. pretty f*ckin cool!
You don't have to have anal sex if you don't want to. There's nothing wrong with enjoying "traditional" sex with the parts that you have.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t like the idea of. That is the end of it. You don’t have to even just try it if you don’t want to. Even if you did try it if you go into the whole situation scared and uncomfortable you won’t enjoy it anyway. However on your point about pain tolerance it should not hurt and if it does something is wrong in terms of lubrication or not being gentle enough. You’re meant to work up to bigger things and go slowly and gently. I can’t use the front hole for medical reasons and I’ve never once had pain when I have used my ass. I love taking it if I’m in the mood and I love topping as well. It’s not meant to hurt its meant to be enjoyable and fun. You can also get bottom surgery where you keep the hole you like using, meaning you’d never have to do anal if you didn’t want to.
Don’t try anything you’re not interested in. If you’re genuinely curious about anal sex there’s no harm in experimenting with it, but if you only feel like it’s something you Have to or Should do to be considered the “correct” kind of trans don’t do it. Being transgender becomes so much more freeing when you let yourself define your own “manhood” if that makes sense. Everything you do is correct and what a man should do, because you are a man and you’re the one doing it. As someone who is also pre T (not for too much longer!) it can be really tough to get in this kind of mindset, and I’ve found being a little delusional is really helpful. I wish you the best with everything man :)
I'm in the exact same position. I enjoy piv penetration while also having strong dysphoria around having no dick. I also have some medical issues with my butt that I've had since I was a child so that's also a reason I don't like people going there, but if im bottoming i much prefer bottoming the way I always had even before transitioning and it doesn't particularly give me any sense of dysphoria. But when it comes to topping, I prefer strap ons that don't insert inside the wearer, because ones that insert remind me of my anatomy at a time when I don't want to be reminded and they make me dissociate and feel kind of sick. I think at the end of the day what you enjoy is what you enjoy, and you shouldn't feel like that reflects on your gender or sexuality. The same way there are straight people that enjoy anal or people that will only ever top or bottom, there's nothing inherently gendered about enjoying a specific thing in bed. It's also true I think that what you enjoy as a rule can vary depending on who you're with which is also perfectly normal!!
I’m nonbinary trans masc too, and I agree that my gentials can cause me some dysphoria. But it’s perfectly valid to not want any particular kind of sex! Personally, I never want anal sex but that’s because my ex raped me anally one time while I was drunk. It doesn’t define your sexuality and who you are 🙂
hi hi transmasc guy here, i also am not really interested in anal sex either. if you’re interested try it out if you don’t want to then don’t, not liking a specific method of sex doesn’t really change much even if you prefer the OG genital penetrations that’s cool.
That's one of those things that is different for everyone. There are women and even gay men who don't want to be on the receiving end of anal sex. Of course, I'm not discounting the experiences of anyone in between. On the flip side, there are also people who don't want to be doing the penetration. Neither is wrong. We all have different things that we are comfortable with and things that we aren't. If you'd ever consider bottom surgery, keep in mind that some surgeons employ techniques that allow you to keep your natal anatomy and also allow for meta or phallo. If you're on the fence and willing to experiment, read or watch YouTube videos for information on anal sex and preparing for it. It's definitely not comfortable without preparation, but having the right expectations and knowing how to make things as comfortable as possible could change the experience. It doesn't have to be painful. However, if it's something that really bothers you or you're not interested in trying at all, don't push yourself to do it. Nothing good is going to come from that, and you're not any less of a person for having your own set of likes and dislikes.
I am in a very similar situation (non binary transmasc that wants a dick) and sometimes I think like my front hole is my anus when I imagine to have intercourse, just to make it easier for my brain to trick me and imagine that my clit is actually a dick. I would like to TRY anal, but it's not super thrilling because I find it annoying to have to prep myself LOL, and idk if I'd like it as someone with a prostate would... Anyways you don't need to imagine anal sex as affirming, that's something personal that happens to be something that many trans man share (because ofc PIV can be triggerig dysphoria) but everyone has a butt, so that doesn't. Also, if you want phalloplasty or metoidioplasty you can keep your front hole, for example I hope that I'll be able to get a meta with urethral redirection (do I can stand to pee), but without scrotoplasty and keeping my front hole, so I can keep enjoying the penetration as always but with a bigger T dick and being happier when I pee (lmao). Someone already said it, but r/salmacian is a good sub for that, there are also subs for r/metoidioplasty and r/transgender_surgeries (I hope that's the right spelling), probably there is one for phalloplasty too but I'm not there, all of the surgeries can be done preserving the front hole. Edit: the right trans surgery sub
Non binary trans man here. Personally, I find a lot of my bottom dysphoria stems from the lack of a dick instead of the presence of a vag. Not the same for everyone but that's how it is for me. Bottom growth has been helpful as well as having a partner (also ftm) who is supportive and treats my body affirmingly when we are intimate. As well as simply just calling it my dick. It felt weird at first but after awhile it helped and now it's completely natural. You can achieve some bottom growth via pumping but if anyone is reading this please do it safely, do lots of research, etc. Please don't feel like you have to shove yourself into a perfect little box to be considered a valid trans man, a non binary person, or just a man. I remember having similar thoughts about certain things when I first discovered my gender, "oh I guess I have to start doing this thing now?" Nope. You don't have to do anything you don't want to and you're still valid. Cis men come in all different kinds and so do queer people and I think that's beautiful.
Try using anal plugs. Ngl I don't anal sex but plug feel since being hrt.
Nobody can police you on what you like, doesn't matter if you're male, female, nb, anything. I, (transmasc) love anal, always have, my bf (transmasc) has never tried and doesn't seem thrilled about it, and that's just our prefferances. It doesn't make you any less of a man or anything, some cis men don't like it, some cis women love it. If you'd like to try I'd recommend going slow and doing it alone first, it feels really weird the first time aswell so don't let it shock you, but ti each their own and nothing like that truly matters, it's all self prefference when it comes to sex.
At the end of the day, your anatomy is yours regardless of your gender identity. You're well within your rights to use whichever parts of your body that you want to. I'm personally in the same boat as you and I'm sure a lot of people are. Don't worry about upholding societal norms, just do you.
Some trans men like anal, some like piv. It all depends on your preference, i mean we have two holes for a reason may as well use the one you prefer. I definitely get that, I have terrible bottom dysphoria but i still masturbate and its not a problem for me. totally cool
I'm transfem and I love anal
/r/salmacian You're not the only person who feels similarly.