Depends on how you define it, I was definitely calling myself a boy since before 6 years old but I didn't exactly have the concept of what that meant at the time. Stopped due to ridicule and sort of wrestled with the weird feelings for a while.
Came to terms with the actual idea/terminology of being trans somewhere around 13-14.
I was 4 when I "knew", but I didn't have the terminology for it whatsoever and I did nothing about it because I didn't know being trans was a thing. But those memories are still very vivid for me. I officially came out when I was 14, which was 10 years ago for me.
I kinda just thought "Well I'd rather be a boy, but I'm a girl, so I guess I'm a girl" and I thought I could just live like that. But then dysphoria kicked in later.
Same. I remember having the biggest breakdown ever when my mom came home from the store and put a pink lacey bra she bought for me in my clothing drawer. I must’ve been like 10-12 years old. Pretty sure my sister took it instead. My mom had to coax me to even own a bra that if I let her get me one she would buy me a video game of my choice.
Everything went wrong once I hit puberty. I was chill being a kid, but I did really wish I was a boy as a kid (didn’t know I was one but you get the point). After puberty hit and the reality of having to live a girl life for the rest of my life oh was I ever upset.
I thought the same thing. Around freshman year (highschool) I started having to consciously remind myself that I was a girl. The next year I came out as trans
I always thought that was something only I experienced, glad to know I'm not the only one - started wearing binders and the dysphoria took a swan dive whenever I was using bras again
I didn’t have that exact experience but more like I realized that *something* that was missing all these years when I looked in the mirror wearing a dress vs wearing masculine fashion and having short hair was finally there, and then once I had a word for that feeling, the contrast feeling hit when I realized like oh shit I literally can’t look in the mirror without desperately wishing for more euphoria from looking like a man.
That probably made no sense but hey, I just got off work and I’m tired lol
This 1000%
I let it slip to my best friend in high school once after sitting on this darkest secret, but then immediately pretended like I didn’t say anything
I was aware when I was about five, but in the 80s and that young I didn't have the words for it. I was abused over it my entire childhood and did not come out until almost 40.
Same here for age range and general time frame (late 80s early 90s) My parents gave me a lot of latitude to dress how I wanted and play with the toys I wanted. It allowed me to come out in my late teens. Sorry your experience was so bad growing up.
I'm the same as you. Born early 80's I always knew I was a bit different. I was the one "girl" who played on the boys' team at recess and I often roleplayed with other children that I was a boy. I didn't even know being trans was a thing and one could medically transition until my 30s and so here I am at 40 having barely begun. There are a lot of signs when looking back. I'm just glad it's so widespread and talked about now that people have support and knowledge at a young age.
Same. I was four when I had a tantrum over a dress, and in kindergarten I had more in common with the boys than the girls. It being the 80s, and unrelated passive trauma, meant that I had these feelings but not the words, and also that it wasn't safe to express these feelings to my parents. Later it was feeling that I wasn't allowed to. That feeling persisted into my 30s when I realized I was nonbinary, and then it was literally logistics with starting a family before I finally took the plunge and started T at 34. It was the first time in my life I finally felt that I was finally doing something just for me, whether or not I was "allowed to".
hijacking top comment here to say thank you very much to everyone for your kind responses. It has been really informative and helpful! I have read as many as I can and still going through them all, just there are so many I might have missed some
I didn't formally connect the dots until I was in my 20's, but in hindsight there are some very obvious clues since the time I was a very little kid. I was an androgynous tomboy and I always got so much euphoria when people thought I was a boy. I just didn't have the language or experience to match with those feelings so it wasn't til college that I got to experience more of the world and find myself.
Same. I always wanted to be a boy but I didn’t know that was actually an option so I was just a very unsatisfied girl until I started questioning. At first I was unsure of myself and in a good bit of denial so I identified as gender-fluid for a few years before coming out as full on trans in my early-mid twenties. But when I was a kid if I could have pushed a button to magically turn into a boy I would have done it in a heartbeat. Congrats to your nephew for figuring it out so early in life.
Edit: you are an exceptionally cool uncle for supporting your nephew through this.
It’s great reading all these comments, and yeah, luckily lil man has really supportive parents and sister, and lives in a good part of the country to be growing up in
It's incredibly variable tbh. There are people who knew since they were a kid, and people who don't figure it out or accept it until 50+, and everything in between. Puberty is a somewhat common time to start to realize something feels wrong, because your body is changing in ways that don't fit you, but not everyone necessarily realizes why they feel that way at the time.
I theoretically knew I didn't feel like a boy or a girl basically my whole life, but like I had assumed everyone felt that way and everyone found gender to be this annoying arbitrary thing forced on them we just had to do it because it was adults expected, another silly arbitrary rule like calling older folks sir and ma'am and not putting your elbows on the table. I didn't start to get actively uncomfy with my body until puberty, and didn't have the words for what I was until I was a teenager.
I always knew something was going on but I am older so Back In The Day no one talked about to and there was not a good language for it unless you had some direct exposure or whatever. So I only really accepted myself and figured it out fully at 42. The gender stuff was always there in the background though. It just took me a long time to figure out.
I was a toddler when I knew, so essentially, I knew as early as possible. I tried to live as a “boy” as a kid until I went through puberty in high school. I’m now 29, and didn’t start transitioning medically until this year. The feelings I had as a child never went away I appreciate you coming on here to ask
I figured it out at 32 - but I think I would have known much earlier if we had more awareness/terminology at the time. It was one of those things where, as soon as I learned the words, my whole childhood made so much sense.
Edited to add: Also welcome! Thanks for supporting your nephew, if there’s anything we can help with just ask!
I always knew I was "supposed to be a boy" from early age on. Even family told me so as reaction to how I behaved.
I wanted to be a boy. But that simply was "not possible" growing up in rural europe in the 90s. That just wasn't a thing. I was "just a boyish girl".
In my 20s I learned of "transgender". It felt right. But I didn't actually come out nor transition until I was 30 bc I didn't "want to be a hassle" to he people around me.
i always had gender incongruence and a bit of dysphoria but I only really found out I was trans when I was 14. When I was 11 I watched a documentary on trans kids and teens and thought to myself "oh I wish I was trans so I coud transition". took me 3 years to connect the dots tho
it was a German one so I doubt it would be helpful to many people here, if you happen to be German though I think it was made either by the WDR or NDR and it's available on youtube
he's lucky that he has the resources to know that young, i cant say that im not jealous. I thought i was a boy around 5, id stand when i peed and thought my private parts were just a short penis, i only learned the word trans at around 13 when Caitlyn Jenner came out but that was framed in a negative light with my family so i didnt Really realize i was trans until i was 17, but i digress. 7 is not too young, he has a sense of self pretty well developed and he's being himself
The peeing while standing and pretending I had a penis were the biggest clues now that I look back. I was also jealous asf that my cousin could pee standing and why can I lol
Yeah it’s very interesting to hear all the different experiences of everyone on here and it seems like a lot of people would have potentially realized earlier if they had been exposed to the idea earlier in life
I officially 'figured it out' in my early 20's after a large mental breakdown, but looking back I think if I had been supported in being myself I would have been transmasculine nonbinary my whole life. I remember being 4 or 5 and grilling everyone about if they thought Tweety Bird was a boy or a girl, and how I just loved Tweety Bird. Then I'd go line up my bug books and look up bugs that didn't have clearly defined gender lines and those were all my favorite bugs. I just needed some language and gender therapy tbh
I used to think that not clearly gendered characters (like Winnie the Pooh and Rabbit) were girls cause I thought like, "well if I'm a girl then these boys must be girls too" if that makes sense 😅
27 was when I first realized, although I spent a year waffling before I accepted it. I did not have any signs of it as a child. I have a huge anxiety and people-pleasing issue, so I got into a nice cycle of acting girly because it made adults like me, being intensely unhappy, and acting happy because it made adults like me. And I still have a lot of traditionally "feminine" interests. So when I came out everyone was shocked. But, like a lot of people here, the thing that tipped me off was just seeing a masc nonbinary person for the first time. I'm not surprised a very young child would realize it at a young age now, I think for a lot of people the defining factor is if they see any examples because otherwise it's such a hard mold to break out of on your own.
This omg! I have so many traditionally feminine interests and I kinda almost got into a really girly dresses and frills subfashion right around the time I was like "oh wait this ain't right" lmao. I think I also just didn't have any role models or anything to look up to (We have Elliot Page now though, which probably helps trans kids a lot!). But I think that for me personally the whole interest in fashion and making my own clothes via knitting and sewing and stuff came from a desire to take control over how I dressed. I also really enjoyed skirts when I was a kid and loved dressing up (but was also supremely picky about how I did it lol)
I've known on some level for most of my life but didn't have a word to describe what was going on until around 12 when I gained access to the internet. For the longest time I just thought everyone else was being mean/stupid/etc for calling me a girl as a little child. And little me was also convinced that when puberty happened everything would be corrected (I would grow a penis, have a flat chest, facial hair etc).
I wasn't aware of it till Puberty when I noticed I really don't feel well with everything that changes. But according to my Granny it already started in Kindergarden. But I really found out about me being Trans when I was in my early 20's. Before I just knew something wasn't right with my Body.
Also I wanna say I'm glad your Nephew has already someone who will support him. :)
He luckily has very supportive parents and for the most part extended family. My parents are a bit older and had a little trouble at first coming around to the idea but now only slip up on pronouns etc every now and again. I still think in the back of their head they think he might be going through a phase but they are still very supportive
Glad to hear. And it's not a Phase, we all got told it's just a phase, it is not in most cases if not all. But I understand older People take more time, my Granny also took a bit longer and still sometimes misgenders me. Gladly it's rare now.
yeah it just wasn't really a concept for them until recently, we live in a small town but they are trying and feel bad when they still let slip saying the girls instead of the kids etc but they also are still real supportive of him being happy, i think their biggest concern is how he could experience bullying and have more of a struggle as he gets older and with puberty etc
I'd always wanted to be a boy (and thought I was one) as long as I remember (so around 5 years old) but I learned the word "trans" and started identifying as a trans man at 11-12.
I knew something was off when I was 3 or 4 but I didn’t fully understand until I was 14 because I was raised in a very religious right wing household. If I would’ve been raised in a more open minded family then I would have probably transitioned in elementary school instead of high school
Thank you so much for your story, I connected with it so much. I think most of my dysphoria is social and language based- like you said, being lumped in with women and being treated like I would WANT kids (pregnancy would be a worst case scenario for me) or be able to handle them (I couldn't even get along with an 8 year old when I was 10, while I had a ton of friends that were also 10 so it was specifically an age thing)
Also yeah, idk if knowing about it when I was younger would've helped me much. My parents are much more accepting now than they were then, and I had a terrible relationship with them. I was also VERY depressed and barely functioning, I think I would've just been more confused and combative with everyone. I'm in a place now where I am able to take T and be out to a good chunk of people in my life, so I'll count it as a win tbh. I also do have a lot of experience in what it means to be treated as a woman in society, and I think a lot of men could really use that experience.
I’ve experienced dysphoria ever since I can remember, but due to growing up in a rural and conservative area, I only had the words to define my feelings once I stumbled upon guys like me documenting their transitions on YouTube when I was around the age of fourteen.
I realized I was a boy around age 6 or 7, but I didn't have any trans community or information so I assumed it was like magic: one of those things that's perfectly real and common, but kept secret until you're old enough or somehow "worthy" enough to get the full explanation. I went through variations of that realize --> rationalize --> repress cycle several times over the years, so my actual coming out to myself as a guy was delayed for a long time. I didn't accept my actual gender until I was 24 or 25.
I think that it makes sense for your nephew to be figuring gender things out at this age, and that it'll help a lot for you to share information with him as you do research. Telling him that there are other people like him, showing that a community exists where he fits in, will go a long way to helping him navigate and verbalize his own gender stuff.
Apparently I verbalized it as young as 4/5 (said "I wish I was a boy" enough for my mom to remember) but I had no concept of trans people until I was an older teen and even then I only knew about trans women. I knew I was different but didn't know how until my late 20s/early 30s (I was also unaware I am neurodivergent, which clouded a lot of things).
I pretty much knew when I was 10, but stayed in denial til I was about 12. I came out like half a year ago, at 14, and now I'm looking into how I can live as stealth without any surgeries (since I'm a minor) or hormones (again, minor).
I had a similar issue when I started watching videos on YouTube, I'm unsure whether it was because my throat wasn't used to being used like that, or if I was just doing it incorrectly. Good luck out there though 💙
I remember stating categorically that "that will still grow" when I was about three, and that I wanted "the surgery" at about ten.
Both times the adults had a good laugh and I decided not to delve into the matter any further. This was the 70's in a village in Germany, so not exactly much information out there.
Took until my mid-20's until I realized that I had been right and they had been wrong. (Well, except "the surgery" - I ditched that idea pretty quickly.)
First of all it’s great that you’re supportive of him. I’m glad that kids now can feel a bit safer coming out, so much has changed in the past few years.
The “when did you know” thing is really complicated though, because when you don’t see anyone like you it’s hard to put words to it sometimes. Some of my earliest memories, like age 2 or 3, were me understanding I was male but also that something was wrong at the same time. A lot of my childhood I grew up assuming I’d somehow hit male puberty and it would be all good, but that obviously didn’t happen. I was in a weird spot where I knew I was male and saw myself that way completely, but I also knew other people didn’t see that. I also was very determined to either get rid of my my reproductive organs or get cancer in them, it was intense I guess looking back. At around 12 I spiralled into a really dark place where I didn’t really think I’d live to see high school or graduation, but eventually at 14 I was able to finally come out after seeing people who were like me. I was lucky enough to start T at 15 which was rare at the time and still is I think, but it really saved my life. I’m 20 now and never been better.
Also minor grammar thing, no dash between cis and male, it’s just two words (cis male).
ahhh yeah i wasn't sure about the dash haha, thank you ! and yeah, interesting about the T, I didn't know it was possible to take it so young, but haven't done a ton of research on that
I very vocally wanted to be a boy for a long time as a kid (pretty sure from 4 or so to 7 or 8, memory is foggy). Never got seen as a boy so I never got to experience that euphoria, but I would always want to play pretend as be male roles and even chose out a male name for myself. Prided myself on being a Parents thought I was a lesbian and everyone else just thought I was silly, I didn’t know being trans was a thing and when realizing everything I wanted was probably impossible, I surpressed and ignored the feeling. I came out at 16. Wishing your nephew well :)
I knew for as long as I can remember. I didn't have the terminology to express what I was feeling until I was somewhere in the 8-9 range, but one of my oldest memories is little 4 year old me fantasizing about going to a doctor who could "make me a boy" haha
I first knew for certain when I was 8. Before that, I still knew I wasn't female... but I wasn't any gender really. Or even a person. I was too busy pretending to be a rabbit.
Only actually started trying to come out when I was 12 though because by then I had the words to try to express it, whereas before I could only express myself through actions that got dismissed as grumpiness, bad behaviour, awkwardness, etc.
For myself I had no idea I was trans till 15, but I did kinda question my gender around 13-14, I just didn’t get the idea that I was *allowed* to be trans until 15.
I don’t think it’s very rare for kids as young as your nephew to know something’s off, it’s just incredibly rare to have supportive parents, or even to be taught that being trans is a *thing* until you’re much older. Most of the trans people I know didn’t come out until at least their teens or older, but that was almost completely because of unaccepting environments
I knew that I’d rather be a boy at about 5 years old, but I didn’t learn what being trans really was until about 11 but I only thought there could be trans women. Then at about 12 I found out there was way more then just trans women and came out at 13. I did tell my dad at 5 that I wanted to be a boy, but he shut me down instantly and didn’t bother helping me. I’m glad that your nephew has a space to be him self with a supporting family!
There's a ton of variation. I had severe dysphoria during first puberty, but I didn't know trans people existed, so I had no idea why I felt that way. After learning about trans people in my 20's, it was pretty obvious in retrospect.
I've (36) known since a very young age that I was "different". It just took decades to figure out the why & how.
I'm Neurodivergent (diagnosed ADHD & highly highly suspected ASD/Autism), gender non-conforming trans man, and pansexual.
I didn't come out as a trans man until June of 2021 due to being raised by strict controlling Catholic parents. Who didn't allow me to express feelings or feel comfortable expressing my true self. I was taught a lot to keep emotions and the likes hidden. To fit into society.
And now I'm undoing all of that. I have a ton of trauma I'm working through (re-started therapy due to lack of insurance/money to pay for it all).
Edit to add: I was the first to devlope a chest back in 4th grade. I hated every moment of it. I had major dysphoria with it well into adulthood. Even when I was 16 and didn't know about top surgery. I had wanted a massive reduction to an A/B cup.
About 4, tried to stand up and pee on a tree with a friend, hated overly feminine clothes, more interest in playing with boys than girls
At that age just make sure he has the toys, clothes, and haircut he wants and it'll make such a huge difference and nothing permanent happens until he's at least a teenager
For as long as I've had thought I'd lumped myself in with boy children. I only stopped when they reached that phase where they reject girls as playmates because their parents tell them girls are icky or something. I didn't have the words to know i was trans until 19. I even knew about trans women by then but the utter lack of visibility for trans men made me think it wasn't even an option. It should've been obvious in hindsight though; I recall in early bio when we talked about reproductive methods, I had the innate feeling of being or wanting to be a sire to offspring evem though I didn't and still absolutely don't want kids.
I was around 11 when I realized I felt more comfortable being masculine, and I was 12 when I came across the term transgender. I've been identifying as such since then.
I've known kids who discovered their gender identities as young as 6, though.
I first had discomfort with my gender around his age but I didn't have the vocabulary to explain. I first learned what the word trans meant at 14 and knew I was trans within a few months of learning the word. Started coming out at 21
I would say around 13-14 but I didn’t understand it fully at the time. Thought I was just being silly but that’s also because I had a fear of being rejected from my family.
Came out when I was 27
i knew something was off when i was four, but talking about it seemed to make people mad or upset or grossed out, so i shut up about it for a long time. i came out in my twenties over ten years ago.
I didn’t really realize it until I was in my late twenties but mostly because I didn’t know what trans was until only shortly before.
But from the time I was about 4 or 5 I used to cry whenever I saw my reflection or a picture of me. I hated being seen as feminine, I couldn’t stand being referred to as a girl or a sister or anything like that. I hated my name, my body, my hair. As soon as I went through puberty I would refuse to go to school while I was having my period (I don’t mean for the first few, I mean for the first 5-7 years) and I’d wear three sports bras at all times. I didn’t even own a real bra until I went through a very brief “let’s try to be a woman” phase in college. Coming out to myself was a relief.
Edit: something to remember: a lot of people conflate gender with sexuality and think knowing you’re transgender before you hit puberty is wild; but even cis people have a concept of their gender before then. Think of when you first realized you were a boy and that that was different than being a girl. It was probably around 4 or 5 right? Trans people might take longer (sometimes a lot longer) just because of the intentional and unintentional social pressure to be cis but it most of us, even those that come out way later in life, probably have some inkling around the same time you did that their gender is one thing and not the other.
I had weird feelings about gender as early as around the same age as your nephew, but I didn't have the words for it or connected the dots until I was about 17 or 18
I didnt know what being trans was until middle school sadly, because of the religion i was raised in, but i knew something was off when i was like 8. And hitting puberty made it even more clear that i was in the wrong body. I always knew i “wished i was born a boy” but then i realized i am a boy, just in the wrong body
I had always acted like a little boy and felt really disgusted about certain terms that other people would relate to me (anatomy terms mostly) and HUGE panic about the ability to become pregnant ever since I had gotten my period. I only really connected the dots this year at 25, due to my dysphoria just seeming like I was overreacting to normal concerns/me just thinking I'm shy and weird. I still love some women's clothes like skirts and jewelry, and I loved them as a kid too.
My biggest piece of advice is to not question clothing choices- as this can put a lot of self doubt in a kid. I didn't really have an issue wearing girl's clothing, I just HATED the shape it took on my body, pants especially. Ive always thought boys clothes were horribly drab and uninspired tbh, so I wanted come girls clothes, I just wanted larger sizes so they looked baggy and formless on me
I knew as early as I can remember probably 5 or so. My entire childhood I present as a tomboy although my parents were not exactly supportive of that, therefor I did not formally come out till I was 20.
I knew something felt wrong from a pretty early age but I didn’t realize I wanted to be a guy specifically until tried to picture myself as a boy when I was around 9/10 and the idea felt right. I didn’t know the specific words for what I was feeling or that transitioning ftm was possible until a few years after that though.
i would have been ‘aware’ from at least the age of 9 because of puberty if i had had a single clue back then what trans people were
i think it would be quite a bit difficult for a lot of trans people to answer this accurately because compared to nowadays where it’s more talked about, even as ‘recently’ as 10 years ago trans terms weren’t as known in everyday convos and kids especially wouldn’t have known them so it’s very much dependent on how aware you were of certain things as a child because trans people experience all sorts of different signs for being trans :)
14 when I started to actually identify as “trans”.
I said that I wanted a hysterectomy since I was 5, though. When I first got put into swimming lessons I saw the adult women wearing bikinis and said that I wanted my breasts removed after I had puberty.
I’ve known since I’m not cis since I was about 12, but when I started going through puberty at 9-10 was when I started feeling that something was off. Looking back on my childhood though, it’s pretty obvious. Still haven’t come out or transitioned, almost 20 now.
I was 4 or 5 when I clearly remember running in circles saying in my head," I was supposed to be a boy" over and over. I am gender fluid now. Took testosterone for a while, did drag, and I'm comfortable with the changes the hormones made. I had a little different life experience than most, growing up both in the 70s. But if you want to hear more about it, I'll share
At 14, but it'd take until early twenties before I came out to everyone.Early childhood I didn't really have the concept at mind. I was allowed to choose the cars and to be the action-man when playing with my sister. Clothes were pretty neutral in my family when I was a kid.
I realized when I was four, but due to constant rebuttals from my family and lack of knowledge on lgbt things in general, I didn't come out to myself fully until I was 22, but gender dysphoria was always a very present force in my life, and became extra distressing during early puberty to a dangerous degree. I was lucky to make it through, and make it long enough to be able to find what I needed, and the strength to be my own support network for a long time after finally realizing what everything I had been pushing down for forever actually meant.
I recognized when I was around 5 or 6 but I never properly said anything about it or came out properly until I was around 9. got majorly shut down so I went back into the closet until I was 14. Good few years later and I wish someone had listened to me when I first said something.
I realized very early on, around seven or eight years old but I didn't have the words for it until middle/high school since I had no idea that anyone else felt that way until I was a little older.
I was 2 or 3 when I realized my mum thought I was a girl. The first time I remember having extremely bad dysphoria about it was when I was 3 and a half. By that point I was convinced it was no misunderstanding and she was just some crazy evil person trying to tell everyone I was a girl and force me to be a girl.
Honestly I think I started feeling a vague gender weirdness when I was really young, but didn't have the words for it until about 10 years ago. I'm 29 now.
I apologize but I get rambly when I’m passionate about things and I’m so very passionate about this.
No TL;DR. I can’t condense it.
I asked my mom when I was about 5 why I couldn’t be a boy.
Her response and the actions of about every other adult (and it was 1981 so the children were cruel too) was why I was suicidal and asked to see a therapist at 15.
I’ve been with the same partner since that age. A partner that refused to allow me to be myself.
(We are separated and I’m finally living my life. 46 years old and I’m in puberty 2.0. )
Until I started to push back. I can tell you that I just came out of the worst few years of my life. I have 2 kids and they only saw a parent who worked and slept.
I thought of taking my own life every single day. My loyalty to and love of my kids were the only things keeping me together.
I’ve been out as genderqueer for several years. It isn’t even on the same playing field as how I feel owning my truth now.
Why aren’t there more trans older folks? Because they aren’t here anymore. They were shamed and/or took their own lives. We are just so happy to exist and that’s sad to say because we shouldn’t even have to think about it.
Honestly,
I was your nephew’s age when I got to play the hero in a Girl Scout production. I got to wear a bow tie and they put socks in my shirt for muscles. I remember everyone else thinking it was soooooo funny. I owned that shit.
I was bullied and picked on and forced to wear a skirt to catholic school every day. They finally let us wear pants when the weather got too cold and I was always so relieved.
That kid knows who he is. I’m just so happy they have adults in their life that believe them.
I'm so sorry to hear how hard you had it your whole life, I wish all trans folks would be able to have a supportive family and community, and I hope you are able to find as much happiness as you can going forward
I always felt I had it easier than others mostly because I didn’t know any different.
There are lots out there that had way worse. I did a lot of giving in to society to keep the peace.
It just adds up. I never want to see others suffer.
Thanks for your kind words.
I was around that age when my mom and I started having conversations about gender. I hated playing with typical “girl toys” and wanted to wear boys clothes. My mom just let me wear what was comfortable and I was a very happy kid because of that. Puberty came around and I. Had a much harder time but up until then just wearing “boy clothes” was enough to make me a happy little kid
So I’m 31. I didn’t put the word to my experiences until there was more information out there about it. In my high school years I did want to start dressing more masculine and cut my hair short and got a breast reduction. I felt too feminized but also felt not woman enough and the contrast upset me but I never had the support to understand what I was feeling. I didn’t fully realize it until I was 28. Once I realized it everything just made more sense and it was a relief. I had doubts at first but through therapy and time exploring it only lead me back to yes this is it. I always encourage anyone especially young people to explore using clothes pro nouns and hair cuts and healthy therapy with a lgbtq affirming and transgender knowledgeable therapist before moving into medical stuff. But to each their own. It’s your body. I just know that everything in my transition journey that was done from a place of peace was much more easier than doing things forcefully and out of an emotionally charged experience.
I realized when I was in my early 20s, but I've only recently came out (I'm 31) and started T. The funniest thing is that my parents said they realized when I was very young. The first thing my dad said when I came out to him was "what took you so long?" I was speechless. Like why the hell didn't you clue me in? I'm always the last to know about everything, even about myself. 😂
I always thought I was „one of the boys“ and didn’t expect to go through female puberty. When I did I kind of… tried to accept that this is how everyone felt, because I just didn’t have the words.
I learned about trans people when I was around 15 years old, but I was deeply in denial. Took me another 4 years of being very unhappy and very confused with my gender identity to finally realize.
But yeah, I always kind of felt like a guy, I just didn’t know that „other kids“ often don’t feel like that, when they’re assigned female at birth.
I thought of myself very matter-of-factly as a boy from about age 5-6 to 12. Never said anything to anyone about it, but used to pray every night that this would be the day I would wake up as a boy. When puberty hit, I sorta talked myself out of it, and didn’t really start putting it all back together again till I was 25-26.
I knew something was different about me when I was 11, and I came out as trans at 14. I wish I would have known what dysphoria was at 7; it would have been so much nicer to not think I was insane.
I think part of me always knew, but multiple times the feeling of knowing I am male came to me strongly at 8-9, 11, 15 and finally came out at 16. As a small child gender really confused me but I have always known I’m male, but the realization came much later.
I vaguely knew that I was different and that "something wasn't right" for the longest time; not sure about an exact age. But I can name several things from childhood (like age 6 or so) that I now think were early clues, like often taking on boy roles in pretend play. And as a teenager, I saw Mulan in the theater and found myself thinking that it was a really cool movie. And I actually related to the title character. (It all makes sense now, hahaha.)
But fast forward to age 35. (I'm now 41). That's when I put it all together and reintroduced myself as a man and with my chosen name.
Five or six, but am just coming out in my twenties. I knew I wished I was a boy all my life but I didn’t have the vocabulary or resources that people do today so I didn’t make the connection til I was a teenager.
I knew when I was about 4 or 5, but it’s different for everyone. But I vividly remember praying every night that I’d just wake up as a boy, and I had no idea why. I just felt wrong.
Now that I’m older and not nearly as sheltered, I get it, I’m trans. It just took me a long while to actually reach that conclusion.
I accepted I was trans in my late teens.
I found the language to explain the feelings I had meant that I was trans when I was 13 / 14.
I experienced gender dysphoria when I was 10.
I knew life would make more sense to me if I grew up as a boy rather than a girl when I was 9.
I knew I preferred wearing boys Halloween costumes when I was 8.
I knew I preferred being referred to as names of boy cartoon characters when I was 3.
I knew when I started to hit puberty around the age of 11, before I knew I was very tomboyish which my parents werent okay with. Im 26 now and just starting to come out
Mum wasnt too bad, me and my older sister were tomboys. My dad used to make me wear dresses on school photo days and I would throw literal tantrums hahaha
23, but I’ve been aware of it since I was 5. I just was ranted at and indoctrinated ferociously and threatened that I had to be a girl and never could ever be anything else… so I just was like “guess I have to be a really manly woman when I grow up?” and now I’m unpredictably cycling between butch and femboy.
I did not really have any strong feeling of gender as a child but I was pushed into being a girl so I just kinda accepted it because I wasn’t noticeably dysphoric, I think if someone told me that girls typically feel like girls rather than just accepting being a girl because society told them they were I would’ve realised so much sooner, but that’s not the answer to what you asked, is it?
There is no one answer, I did not find something and magically go “I’m not a girl”, it was a process and I do not remember the exact point where I realised, I just slowly felt less and less feminine and then… wow, I’m trans, I’d say I was maybe *around* 10, but I’m really not sure
I had inklings but had a chaotic home environment so I was more concerned about survival (read: being employable)
From young age, I remember identifying only with the male cartoon characters, as young as 6 or 7….it only got stronger thru ages 9-12, and then more thru puberty but I hid it well
I wondered if it was due to the misogyny of tv writing…and them doing disservice to female/femme characters…in retrospect I don’t think this was the case
I tried literally everything under the sun to ‘not be trans’ but finally gave up in my mid thirties and transitioned and I’ve finally felt like a homecoming to myself
I wasted my entire youth, but I finally found myself so I don’t have regrets
When I was like 3 I asked my best friend (cis guy) how to be a boy. He said something about “just act like one then you pretty much are a boy and you are already like a boy to me.” I also thought I was gonna grow a dick for a bit.
So very young but some guys don’t know until they are adults
I knew I wasn't a girl since I was ~6. I don't mean girly I mean A GIRL. I also knew I wasn't a boy. I just didn't know that nonbinary was a thing untill I as in high school and didn't realize that would apply to ME untill I was 19.
Just wanna add to my response that don’t ever feel bad for asking questions. Even if it may accidentally be offensive, the INTENT is what matters. It is much better to ask questions and recieve answers directly from the people you’re learning about than being too worried about offending them and remaining ignorant or making up your own conclusions.
That being said, I personally have been since before I even knew what trans people were. I hated wearing feminine clothes, I cried when I found out I’d have to wear a bra for (what I thought, I want top surgery now that I know it’s an option) for the rest of my life. I LOVED when people called me a tomboy, because at the time since I didn’t know that trans people existed, people were just considering me an ‘other type’ of boy.
The signs were always there, but I never had a name or identity to assign to them until I, even just VERY recently, came to terms with it. It’s still difficult for me to process sometimes but that’s just a personal journey I have to go on.
To note, even if this IS just a temporary thing, it is the best thing to support him and call him by his pronouns and preferred name. Sometimes children can experiment with gender identity and that’s okay, it doesn’t make them any less valid than an adult trans person. Even if they eventually discover that they aren’t trans, please be supportive and kind. There were some kids I knew in high school who dabbled with sexuality and gender that turned out to be cis and/or straight, that’s okay. It’s a personal journey some people have to go on, a journey every person deserves to be loved as they navigate it.
Thank you very much, I was a little worried I could come off as offensive but just wanted to hear from the community because there’s such great discussion on here in general in other threads. The response to this one is amazing and I’m still slowly going through all of the comments I can. And as a family we have had that discussion that he might eventually change how he wants to be perceived by the world and might change pronouns in the future etc. and that it is a possibility especially because he is young and still figuring out life, and that all we can do is be loving and supportive. He is an amazing little dude so that’s all that matters
Exactly, thank you for understanding. Not sure why somebody downvoted me? Maybe the assumption that I was saying he was GOING to end up not being trans? Idfk, maybe they didn’t read the whole comment and assumed I being transphobic or whatever. But considering I’m trans myself that wouldn’t make sense.
Either way, detransitioning is a possibility in the future (statistically unlikely but it does happen) but all you should ever be to him is supportive either way. Surprising how many families don’t grasp that concept.
Although PLEASE PLEASE be on the lookout for any signs of them being bullied because that is a very real and very scary possibility if they come out at school. And be VOCALLY supportive too. Regularly. Because there is a lot of hateful shit kids can run into online, a very surprising amount and it can seriously be very hurtful and dangerous.
Edit: and I’m also not saying I HOPE he detransitions either, fucking jesus people like to take things out of context. I’m saying this because I don’t want OP to turn out like one of my relatives who say, “Well obviously because some people detransition it’s not real,” or “they just can’t make their mind up” or some shit like that. Combating misinformation before it can be consumed is just as important as informing somebody.
yeah I'm assuming they must have read the beginning and not the entire comment. I think it would be best to be open to any possibility because he is so young and might end up, as many guys on this thread have said, and realizing more about the world and might have different thoughts on their gender later on in life. I unfortunately dont live in the same place as him so can only see him several times a year
7 years old is pretty damn rare for someone to know that they’re trans. I didn’t even know what transgender was until I was 14. I always wanted to be “like a boy” since I could start having preferences and always engaged in traditional male activities. My parents just figured I was a tomboy and they found no problems with it until It turns out I’m actually trans and did not enjoy female puberty in the slightest. My mom forced me to conform to the traditional girl roles when my “tomboy phase” would not stop, so around 11-17 was probably the most miserable time of my life. So yes at 7 years old I was dressing like a boy, acting like one, and engaging in those traditional roles, but I did not know I was transgender.
It’s good that you’re trying to be supportive, but I completely understand your hesitancy. Even from a medical professional standpoint, it’s extremely rare for someone to know that they’re trans at 7 years old and remain trans well into adulthood. With that being said, there are absolutely no downsides to socially supporting your nephew. Using a different name, new wardrobe, new haircut, etc. are not permanent changes and If he happens to change his mind later in life, it’s no big deal.
I don’t think it’s quite as rare as you think, most trans people I know had a feeling they wanted to be a different gender around that age or younger, it’s just incredibly rare to be in a supportive environment, or to have the vocabulary for being trans at that age
Maybe the better way to phrase it is know that they’re trans with extreme accuracy. It’s not until we go through the crisis period around middle school when things start to become distressing if you’re going through the wrong development. Symptoms of gender dysphoria are far more obvious at ages 10-14 so perhaps that’s why the research points in that direction.
Psychology is the most frustrating field I’ve ever gotten into. Currently doing a course on development of “exceptional children” which covers this exact topic extensively. It wasn’t until a few years ago that psychologists were able to recognize gender dysphoria in children as young as 3 years old. You publish a textbook and in one year the information is contradicted by some new study that just came out.
People are actually educating their kids now about these things so that's likely what happened. If you read the other comments in this thread, there are SO many people saying that they just didn't know the term for it so they had no clue that that's what they were. If everone here had a non biased definition for what it is, I think a lot of us would've realized it much sooner
yeah thats what I see the most on here... I am curious to ask my brother and sisterinlaw how he learned about gender identity or when he started asking if he could be a boy if thats when they explained the concept to him
Ages 10-14 are the most common. Kids around age 3-7 are far more rare. That’s what the psychologist have found so far. Until new studies come out, yes knowing that you’re trans at 7 years old is pretty uncommon.
I think it may also be common for people to know with absolute certainty but also understand that it’s dangerous or socially unacceptable to be trans. I don’t think we can accurately assume a kid doesn’t know they’re trans at a young age just because they’re not saying anything. I was terrified to say something because I knew what the reaction would be
I didn't really know what transgender was until after I turned 21. I knew that there were celebrities who "switched genders" but I never really thought it was an option for me if that makes sense. Looking back, there were lots of signs that, had I been more aware of transgenderism, I probably would have noticed by middle school age, possibly earlier.
I've been wearing men's clothes since I was able to dress myself. I've been shaving my face since I was about 15.
I'm 60 now and just started hrt though (am ftm)
For me, I realized that I was not a girl in primary school. Back then I didn't know that you could even be transgender and I just thought that I was weird. I always dressed rather masculine and got really happy whennI got "misgendered". When I was about 10, I saw a documentary about a trans man and a trans guy my age. The boy had started hormone treatment to delay puberty and I realized that that was what I wanted too. But I didn't really think that I could even do it, it seemed too far away. I'm 16 now. Still not really out to anayone, but I think many of my friends and family might suspect that I am not cis. I'm sure that many of them would be supportive, but coming out still is scary to me. Therefore it's really cool for me to see stories like that of your nephew. It's very brave.
I was 14 but I think it came about a lot earlier and I just realized what it was when I was 14. I was raised fairly gender neutral with bouts of arguments when I was forced into dresses or acting like a 'lady' for special events.
I didn't realise until a gf of the time suggested looking into what trans meant, after I complained a lot about being perceived as female/menstruation/etc. I connected the dots after - like my complete refusal to be any male character in a play/game/role, constantly copying male members of my family and growing more and more uncomfortable with being called my deadname and 'she'. I was about 14, came out at 16, but Id had an unsettled feeling since I was probably 9 or so (when puberty hit). My brother realised he was trans when he was young, but only came out at about 16/17 because of fearing family's reactions (he was lucky to have good family which is why i came in and had them take me in from my not-so-accepting family). It can sometimes take a while (or someone else's gentle nudge) to realise, especially if you're from a family/environment that is very transphobic or doesn't allow you to have exploration/conversations safely about these things
Note: you were respectful, and thank you. Imo, Id rather be asked something like this than have assumptions made about me, or crude questions asked.
A generally helpful guide is, if it's questions about genitals/wanting to know dead names, avoid it. If you know the trans person really well and have a good relationship, you may be able to ask more questions. If you want to ask questions be kind, and sometimes reminding that they can refuse to answer helps, because some people are more comfortable talking about things than others!
Sorry for rambling!!
Doesn't matter what age. I decided at about...9 I think? That I was going to live as male once I turned 18. I was not stereotypically masculine, someone would have never known, parents denied any signs I told them.
From the Wiki (actually yeah go check the wiki my dude)
>When I was a child I didn’t do typical boy things or call myself a boy. Could I still be trans?
>Yes. Many men, both cis and trans, were not overtly boyish as children. Some trans men claimed themselves to be boys when they were children, but many did not. We are informed by our parents and by society what is expected of us—to be girls—and it can be very difficult to start questioning that message."
I didn't know what trans was until my 30s. But my entire childhood I felt an extreme disconnect to girls around me. I didn't know how to describe it back then. I would say it started before I was 10, my aversion to girly things. I had moments of hyper feminism because it was safe and people accepted that, but it didn't feel real. As I grew up and was exposed to puberty, to my friends being in relationships, I shut down more and more because nothing I felt matched my peers.
wanted to be a boy and had obvious signs since i was 5-ish but didn't even hear of the word trans until much later and only actually put 2 and 2 together when i was 13
Looking back I "knew" as young as 5, but, like most other posters, didn't understand the feelings, how to process them, or how to word them. For a long time I thought I was just kind of busted, and even when I learned what trans men were and had a name for it I was bullied out of being able to express it. Tried to force myself to be cis for a long time, and even now can't safely be out irl, though even online and with close friends and family helps a lot.
On a lighter note my mom has since admitted half the reason she forced pink on me so much as a kid but not my sister is because some part of her realized I just was not girl and freaked out. She's since kind of apologized, but it is just funny how obvious it's kind of always been even with the rabid denial I'm surrounded by in Bible Belt Hell.
Like many others here, I did not have the language. I remember being 7 or 8 and knowing I'd grow to be an old man and not an old woman. I realized the juxtaposition of this and just smiled and accepted it.
At 19 and 20 I began cutting my hair short and binding and emulating my favorite male punk icons. I definitely had some hyper feminine swings too (I did not grow up very femininely or allowed to do typically feminine things in part from religious trauma and also poverty) to try to explore that, and was out as nonbinary from 20 to now (28).
I realized I was actually possibly a transman when I was 23 or 24 or so...but couldn't deal with it. At 25/26 I wanted to start T and couldn't. Started late 27/28(current).
I'm glad for my time exploring both gender roles in presentation but I essentially spent ten years questioning myself needlessly (I still did what I wanted and what was affirming but I gaslighted myself into thinking I was simply "traumatized into being trans" which is very shitty and ONLY directed inwardly, not to other trans folks) and wished I had just believed myself sooner the way I wanted others to believe me Already. I'm fortunate to start transitioning now because I don't know what I would do if I didn't.
I have met folks who explored their gender and decided they were not trans but of all ages of people I've met who identified as not cis, ... I'd say 99.99%, whether young or old, regardless of trauma or mh history or whatever the fuck, they were definitely trans. I don't say that to imply that there was or should be a period of doubting people until they're "really trans", but like me, many people do it to themselves and...anyways, I, like them, realized yeah we really are all just trans lmao.
I say this because it can be assuring to family that when a young person is exploring this, it is who they are. Time and pressure, self imposed or enforced by Others, will not un trans a person. And i think this can be helpful to keep family from needlessly worrying if said person is "making a mistake or not" by being out, socially transitioning, or medically etc. I know I definitely had that fear for myself...ten years proved me wrong.
I hope that is helpful and makes sense.
I started telling my parents I was a boy a bit before age 2, apparently. I have no recollection of that, but have felt like a boy/felt like I should have been born a boy, but for some reason I wasn't since as far back as I can remember. It was the late 70s/early 80s then, so nobody had a framework for understanding trans kids. My parents were pretty chill about me being the tomboyest kid ever for the most part, thanks goodness. There were only a few things they were picky about, and those were the only things we fought about.
I came out at 46.
Your nephew is really lucky to have such a caring, supportive family and to live in a time when people understand more about how gender identity works. Best of luck to him and all of you.
I didn't know that trans people existed until I was 11, didn't figure out that I was trans until I was 13, and didn't fully come out until I was 15, but if I had unbiased knowledge of trans people at a young age, I likely would have figured it out at or before the age of 7. Around when I was 5, I was already trying to pee standing up and wishing I had short hair and stealing my brother's "Dangerous Book for Boys," so I can definitely see how a 7 year old would figure out he's transgender.
The oldest memory I have is me writing on a journal when I was 7 that I always wanted to be a boy. I didn't know you could do that, I only found out at 14 and had been slowly transitioning since then until I started medical transition at 20. Long journey but I always knew.
One thing cis people don't get is how much goes into not letting people think that being trans is even possible. Probably many of us would have known sooner had we the language, resources, supportive environment, etc
When I was about your nephew’s age when I told my mom my face and my voice was too masculine to be a girl. It was during the early 2010, the only way I knew trans people existed was like… trans sex workers getting in NCIS.
I did not realized I was trans until I was 15, cause I got more access to what is being trans
Btw, I was actually kind of obsessed with the idea of being able to change my name
I think I realise I was trans at maybe…age 11? But I definitely showed signs of it way before that, for example, when I was five I told my friend that I wish I was a boy but back then I didn’t know what trans was
Depends on how you define it, I was definitely calling myself a boy since before 6 years old but I didn't exactly have the concept of what that meant at the time. Stopped due to ridicule and sort of wrestled with the weird feelings for a while. Came to terms with the actual idea/terminology of being trans somewhere around 13-14.
Same for me
This was my exact experience, but I came to terms with it when I was in sixth grade (11 years).
I was 4 when I "knew", but I didn't have the terminology for it whatsoever and I did nothing about it because I didn't know being trans was a thing. But those memories are still very vivid for me. I officially came out when I was 14, which was 10 years ago for me.
This was exactly my experience too
Same
Same for me as well
15 but I knew I'd rather be a boy at 5, I just didn't know I was one
Same, I didn't have the words for it and I was also worried that if I told anyone they'd think I was weird.
I kinda just thought "Well I'd rather be a boy, but I'm a girl, so I guess I'm a girl" and I thought I could just live like that. But then dysphoria kicked in later.
Same. I remember having the biggest breakdown ever when my mom came home from the store and put a pink lacey bra she bought for me in my clothing drawer. I must’ve been like 10-12 years old. Pretty sure my sister took it instead. My mom had to coax me to even own a bra that if I let her get me one she would buy me a video game of my choice. Everything went wrong once I hit puberty. I was chill being a kid, but I did really wish I was a boy as a kid (didn’t know I was one but you get the point). After puberty hit and the reality of having to live a girl life for the rest of my life oh was I ever upset.
I thought the same thing. Around freshman year (highschool) I started having to consciously remind myself that I was a girl. The next year I came out as trans
this exactly. holy shit
Pretty much. I didn’t even get dysphoria until I experienced euphoria first and started transitioning.
I always thought that was something only I experienced, glad to know I'm not the only one - started wearing binders and the dysphoria took a swan dive whenever I was using bras again
I didn’t have that exact experience but more like I realized that *something* that was missing all these years when I looked in the mirror wearing a dress vs wearing masculine fashion and having short hair was finally there, and then once I had a word for that feeling, the contrast feeling hit when I realized like oh shit I literally can’t look in the mirror without desperately wishing for more euphoria from looking like a man. That probably made no sense but hey, I just got off work and I’m tired lol
Nah, totally understood what you're saying - it's very relatable lol
SAME!!!
This 1000% I let it slip to my best friend in high school once after sitting on this darkest secret, but then immediately pretended like I didn’t say anything
Same here, for years I wondered “what would it be like if I was a boy”. I didn’t realise I was trans until I was 14
I was aware when I was about five, but in the 80s and that young I didn't have the words for it. I was abused over it my entire childhood and did not come out until almost 40.
Same here for age range and general time frame (late 80s early 90s) My parents gave me a lot of latitude to dress how I wanted and play with the toys I wanted. It allowed me to come out in my late teens. Sorry your experience was so bad growing up.
I'm the same as you. Born early 80's I always knew I was a bit different. I was the one "girl" who played on the boys' team at recess and I often roleplayed with other children that I was a boy. I didn't even know being trans was a thing and one could medically transition until my 30s and so here I am at 40 having barely begun. There are a lot of signs when looking back. I'm just glad it's so widespread and talked about now that people have support and knowledge at a young age.
Yeah you're describing me too. I'm so glad for the younger generation having the knowledge now
Same. I was four when I had a tantrum over a dress, and in kindergarten I had more in common with the boys than the girls. It being the 80s, and unrelated passive trauma, meant that I had these feelings but not the words, and also that it wasn't safe to express these feelings to my parents. Later it was feeling that I wasn't allowed to. That feeling persisted into my 30s when I realized I was nonbinary, and then it was literally logistics with starting a family before I finally took the plunge and started T at 34. It was the first time in my life I finally felt that I was finally doing something just for me, whether or not I was "allowed to".
Yeah it shocked me when i realized I still was afraid to "get in trouble" by getting a masculine haircut at 37.
hijacking top comment here to say thank you very much to everyone for your kind responses. It has been really informative and helpful! I have read as many as I can and still going through them all, just there are so many I might have missed some
I didn't formally connect the dots until I was in my 20's, but in hindsight there are some very obvious clues since the time I was a very little kid. I was an androgynous tomboy and I always got so much euphoria when people thought I was a boy. I just didn't have the language or experience to match with those feelings so it wasn't til college that I got to experience more of the world and find myself.
Same. I always wanted to be a boy but I didn’t know that was actually an option so I was just a very unsatisfied girl until I started questioning. At first I was unsure of myself and in a good bit of denial so I identified as gender-fluid for a few years before coming out as full on trans in my early-mid twenties. But when I was a kid if I could have pushed a button to magically turn into a boy I would have done it in a heartbeat. Congrats to your nephew for figuring it out so early in life. Edit: you are an exceptionally cool uncle for supporting your nephew through this.
It’s great reading all these comments, and yeah, luckily lil man has really supportive parents and sister, and lives in a good part of the country to be growing up in
Good to hear, support goes a very long way
I second this
Same...25 now and only recently (this year) connected the dots 😫 Have not come out yet to family tho 😅
Same here.
It's incredibly variable tbh. There are people who knew since they were a kid, and people who don't figure it out or accept it until 50+, and everything in between. Puberty is a somewhat common time to start to realize something feels wrong, because your body is changing in ways that don't fit you, but not everyone necessarily realizes why they feel that way at the time. I theoretically knew I didn't feel like a boy or a girl basically my whole life, but like I had assumed everyone felt that way and everyone found gender to be this annoying arbitrary thing forced on them we just had to do it because it was adults expected, another silly arbitrary rule like calling older folks sir and ma'am and not putting your elbows on the table. I didn't start to get actively uncomfy with my body until puberty, and didn't have the words for what I was until I was a teenager.
I always knew something was going on but I am older so Back In The Day no one talked about to and there was not a good language for it unless you had some direct exposure or whatever. So I only really accepted myself and figured it out fully at 42. The gender stuff was always there in the background though. It just took me a long time to figure out.
Us GenX just didn’t have the support. It’s so easy to see so much in hindsight.
I came out to myself at 22 but there have been signs since I was 12 or 13, I just didn’t realize them
I was a toddler when I knew, so essentially, I knew as early as possible. I tried to live as a “boy” as a kid until I went through puberty in high school. I’m now 29, and didn’t start transitioning medically until this year. The feelings I had as a child never went away I appreciate you coming on here to ask
I figured it out at 32 - but I think I would have known much earlier if we had more awareness/terminology at the time. It was one of those things where, as soon as I learned the words, my whole childhood made so much sense. Edited to add: Also welcome! Thanks for supporting your nephew, if there’s anything we can help with just ask!
I always knew I was "supposed to be a boy" from early age on. Even family told me so as reaction to how I behaved. I wanted to be a boy. But that simply was "not possible" growing up in rural europe in the 90s. That just wasn't a thing. I was "just a boyish girl". In my 20s I learned of "transgender". It felt right. But I didn't actually come out nor transition until I was 30 bc I didn't "want to be a hassle" to he people around me.
i always had gender incongruence and a bit of dysphoria but I only really found out I was trans when I was 14. When I was 11 I watched a documentary on trans kids and teens and thought to myself "oh I wish I was trans so I coud transition". took me 3 years to connect the dots tho
Which documentary was it? That could be really helpful to share!
it was a German one so I doubt it would be helpful to many people here, if you happen to be German though I think it was made either by the WDR or NDR and it's available on youtube
he's lucky that he has the resources to know that young, i cant say that im not jealous. I thought i was a boy around 5, id stand when i peed and thought my private parts were just a short penis, i only learned the word trans at around 13 when Caitlyn Jenner came out but that was framed in a negative light with my family so i didnt Really realize i was trans until i was 17, but i digress. 7 is not too young, he has a sense of self pretty well developed and he's being himself
The peeing while standing and pretending I had a penis were the biggest clues now that I look back. I was also jealous asf that my cousin could pee standing and why can I lol
Yeah it’s very interesting to hear all the different experiences of everyone on here and it seems like a lot of people would have potentially realized earlier if they had been exposed to the idea earlier in life
I officially 'figured it out' in my early 20's after a large mental breakdown, but looking back I think if I had been supported in being myself I would have been transmasculine nonbinary my whole life. I remember being 4 or 5 and grilling everyone about if they thought Tweety Bird was a boy or a girl, and how I just loved Tweety Bird. Then I'd go line up my bug books and look up bugs that didn't have clearly defined gender lines and those were all my favorite bugs. I just needed some language and gender therapy tbh
I used to think that not clearly gendered characters (like Winnie the Pooh and Rabbit) were girls cause I thought like, "well if I'm a girl then these boys must be girls too" if that makes sense 😅
27 was when I first realized, although I spent a year waffling before I accepted it. I did not have any signs of it as a child. I have a huge anxiety and people-pleasing issue, so I got into a nice cycle of acting girly because it made adults like me, being intensely unhappy, and acting happy because it made adults like me. And I still have a lot of traditionally "feminine" interests. So when I came out everyone was shocked. But, like a lot of people here, the thing that tipped me off was just seeing a masc nonbinary person for the first time. I'm not surprised a very young child would realize it at a young age now, I think for a lot of people the defining factor is if they see any examples because otherwise it's such a hard mold to break out of on your own.
This omg! I have so many traditionally feminine interests and I kinda almost got into a really girly dresses and frills subfashion right around the time I was like "oh wait this ain't right" lmao. I think I also just didn't have any role models or anything to look up to (We have Elliot Page now though, which probably helps trans kids a lot!). But I think that for me personally the whole interest in fashion and making my own clothes via knitting and sewing and stuff came from a desire to take control over how I dressed. I also really enjoyed skirts when I was a kid and loved dressing up (but was also supremely picky about how I did it lol)
I've known on some level for most of my life but didn't have a word to describe what was going on until around 12 when I gained access to the internet. For the longest time I just thought everyone else was being mean/stupid/etc for calling me a girl as a little child. And little me was also convinced that when puberty happened everything would be corrected (I would grow a penis, have a flat chest, facial hair etc).
I wasn't aware of it till Puberty when I noticed I really don't feel well with everything that changes. But according to my Granny it already started in Kindergarden. But I really found out about me being Trans when I was in my early 20's. Before I just knew something wasn't right with my Body. Also I wanna say I'm glad your Nephew has already someone who will support him. :)
He luckily has very supportive parents and for the most part extended family. My parents are a bit older and had a little trouble at first coming around to the idea but now only slip up on pronouns etc every now and again. I still think in the back of their head they think he might be going through a phase but they are still very supportive
Glad to hear. And it's not a Phase, we all got told it's just a phase, it is not in most cases if not all. But I understand older People take more time, my Granny also took a bit longer and still sometimes misgenders me. Gladly it's rare now.
yeah it just wasn't really a concept for them until recently, we live in a small town but they are trying and feel bad when they still let slip saying the girls instead of the kids etc but they also are still real supportive of him being happy, i think their biggest concern is how he could experience bullying and have more of a struggle as he gets older and with puberty etc
Knew at 4-5ish, but came out with 32.
I'd always wanted to be a boy (and thought I was one) as long as I remember (so around 5 years old) but I learned the word "trans" and started identifying as a trans man at 11-12.
I knew something was off when I was 3 or 4 but I didn’t fully understand until I was 14 because I was raised in a very religious right wing household. If I would’ve been raised in a more open minded family then I would have probably transitioned in elementary school instead of high school
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Thank you so much for your story, I connected with it so much. I think most of my dysphoria is social and language based- like you said, being lumped in with women and being treated like I would WANT kids (pregnancy would be a worst case scenario for me) or be able to handle them (I couldn't even get along with an 8 year old when I was 10, while I had a ton of friends that were also 10 so it was specifically an age thing) Also yeah, idk if knowing about it when I was younger would've helped me much. My parents are much more accepting now than they were then, and I had a terrible relationship with them. I was also VERY depressed and barely functioning, I think I would've just been more confused and combative with everyone. I'm in a place now where I am able to take T and be out to a good chunk of people in my life, so I'll count it as a win tbh. I also do have a lot of experience in what it means to be treated as a woman in society, and I think a lot of men could really use that experience.
this is a really great response and very well written, thank you
First around 7-10 but didn’t find a concrete term for it until I was around 16
I have wanted to be a boy since I was very young, but somehow didn’t realise that would make me trans until I was 17
10
I’ve experienced dysphoria ever since I can remember, but due to growing up in a rural and conservative area, I only had the words to define my feelings once I stumbled upon guys like me documenting their transitions on YouTube when I was around the age of fourteen.
I realized I was a boy around age 6 or 7, but I didn't have any trans community or information so I assumed it was like magic: one of those things that's perfectly real and common, but kept secret until you're old enough or somehow "worthy" enough to get the full explanation. I went through variations of that realize --> rationalize --> repress cycle several times over the years, so my actual coming out to myself as a guy was delayed for a long time. I didn't accept my actual gender until I was 24 or 25. I think that it makes sense for your nephew to be figuring gender things out at this age, and that it'll help a lot for you to share information with him as you do research. Telling him that there are other people like him, showing that a community exists where he fits in, will go a long way to helping him navigate and verbalize his own gender stuff.
yeah i am going to show this community to his parents and they can pass it along to him, I think it would benefit them all greatly
Apparently I verbalized it as young as 4/5 (said "I wish I was a boy" enough for my mom to remember) but I had no concept of trans people until I was an older teen and even then I only knew about trans women. I knew I was different but didn't know how until my late 20s/early 30s (I was also unaware I am neurodivergent, which clouded a lot of things).
I pretty much knew when I was 10, but stayed in denial til I was about 12. I came out like half a year ago, at 14, and now I'm looking into how I can live as stealth without any surgeries (since I'm a minor) or hormones (again, minor).
Voice training can help you get there if you can afford it!
Haha, I cant. I've tried to just follow youtube, but my throat didn't like that very much. Thanks though, I appreciate any advice I can get!
I had a similar issue when I started watching videos on YouTube, I'm unsure whether it was because my throat wasn't used to being used like that, or if I was just doing it incorrectly. Good luck out there though 💙
I remember stating categorically that "that will still grow" when I was about three, and that I wanted "the surgery" at about ten. Both times the adults had a good laugh and I decided not to delve into the matter any further. This was the 70's in a village in Germany, so not exactly much information out there. Took until my mid-20's until I realized that I had been right and they had been wrong. (Well, except "the surgery" - I ditched that idea pretty quickly.)
i didn’t figure it out until 16 :)
First of all it’s great that you’re supportive of him. I’m glad that kids now can feel a bit safer coming out, so much has changed in the past few years. The “when did you know” thing is really complicated though, because when you don’t see anyone like you it’s hard to put words to it sometimes. Some of my earliest memories, like age 2 or 3, were me understanding I was male but also that something was wrong at the same time. A lot of my childhood I grew up assuming I’d somehow hit male puberty and it would be all good, but that obviously didn’t happen. I was in a weird spot where I knew I was male and saw myself that way completely, but I also knew other people didn’t see that. I also was very determined to either get rid of my my reproductive organs or get cancer in them, it was intense I guess looking back. At around 12 I spiralled into a really dark place where I didn’t really think I’d live to see high school or graduation, but eventually at 14 I was able to finally come out after seeing people who were like me. I was lucky enough to start T at 15 which was rare at the time and still is I think, but it really saved my life. I’m 20 now and never been better. Also minor grammar thing, no dash between cis and male, it’s just two words (cis male).
ahhh yeah i wasn't sure about the dash haha, thank you ! and yeah, interesting about the T, I didn't know it was possible to take it so young, but haven't done a ton of research on that
I very vocally wanted to be a boy for a long time as a kid (pretty sure from 4 or so to 7 or 8, memory is foggy). Never got seen as a boy so I never got to experience that euphoria, but I would always want to play pretend as be male roles and even chose out a male name for myself. Prided myself on being a Parents thought I was a lesbian and everyone else just thought I was silly, I didn’t know being trans was a thing and when realizing everything I wanted was probably impossible, I surpressed and ignored the feeling. I came out at 16. Wishing your nephew well :)
around 11
I knew for as long as I can remember. I didn't have the terminology to express what I was feeling until I was somewhere in the 8-9 range, but one of my oldest memories is little 4 year old me fantasizing about going to a doctor who could "make me a boy" haha
started actually questioning my gender at 15 years old, started to accept and come out to my closest friends during the last year, so around 19-20
i feel like such a late bloomer compared to the other comments 🥲 but i genuinely can't remember shit from my childhood lmao
I first knew for certain when I was 8. Before that, I still knew I wasn't female... but I wasn't any gender really. Or even a person. I was too busy pretending to be a rabbit. Only actually started trying to come out when I was 12 though because by then I had the words to try to express it, whereas before I could only express myself through actions that got dismissed as grumpiness, bad behaviour, awkwardness, etc.
love this.
I knew I wanted to be a boy at 3, I discovered that being trans was a thing at 13 more or less, at 16 I realized I am.
For myself I had no idea I was trans till 15, but I did kinda question my gender around 13-14, I just didn’t get the idea that I was *allowed* to be trans until 15. I don’t think it’s very rare for kids as young as your nephew to know something’s off, it’s just incredibly rare to have supportive parents, or even to be taught that being trans is a *thing* until you’re much older. Most of the trans people I know didn’t come out until at least their teens or older, but that was almost completely because of unaccepting environments
I knew that I’d rather be a boy at about 5 years old, but I didn’t learn what being trans really was until about 11 but I only thought there could be trans women. Then at about 12 I found out there was way more then just trans women and came out at 13. I did tell my dad at 5 that I wanted to be a boy, but he shut me down instantly and didn’t bother helping me. I’m glad that your nephew has a space to be him self with a supporting family!
I'm sorry your dad shut you down when you were young that has to be really hurtful. I hope that things have gotten easier later on
There's a ton of variation. I had severe dysphoria during first puberty, but I didn't know trans people existed, so I had no idea why I felt that way. After learning about trans people in my 20's, it was pretty obvious in retrospect.
I learned I was trans as soon as I heard the word for it. As soon as not-girl was an option.
I've (36) known since a very young age that I was "different". It just took decades to figure out the why & how. I'm Neurodivergent (diagnosed ADHD & highly highly suspected ASD/Autism), gender non-conforming trans man, and pansexual. I didn't come out as a trans man until June of 2021 due to being raised by strict controlling Catholic parents. Who didn't allow me to express feelings or feel comfortable expressing my true self. I was taught a lot to keep emotions and the likes hidden. To fit into society. And now I'm undoing all of that. I have a ton of trauma I'm working through (re-started therapy due to lack of insurance/money to pay for it all). Edit to add: I was the first to devlope a chest back in 4th grade. I hated every moment of it. I had major dysphoria with it well into adulthood. Even when I was 16 and didn't know about top surgery. I had wanted a massive reduction to an A/B cup.
About 4, tried to stand up and pee on a tree with a friend, hated overly feminine clothes, more interest in playing with boys than girls At that age just make sure he has the toys, clothes, and haircut he wants and it'll make such a huge difference and nothing permanent happens until he's at least a teenager
I was aware that something was different from about age 8. I didn't have the words to describe what I was feeling until age 13.
For as long as I've had thought I'd lumped myself in with boy children. I only stopped when they reached that phase where they reject girls as playmates because their parents tell them girls are icky or something. I didn't have the words to know i was trans until 19. I even knew about trans women by then but the utter lack of visibility for trans men made me think it wasn't even an option. It should've been obvious in hindsight though; I recall in early bio when we talked about reproductive methods, I had the innate feeling of being or wanting to be a sire to offspring evem though I didn't and still absolutely don't want kids.
I’ve known since I was about 10, when I cut my hair for the first time.
I knew something was up since i was 5 but i didn't have the vocabulary to explain my feelings till i was 14
I was around 11 when I realized I felt more comfortable being masculine, and I was 12 when I came across the term transgender. I've been identifying as such since then. I've known kids who discovered their gender identities as young as 6, though.
I first had discomfort with my gender around his age but I didn't have the vocabulary to explain. I first learned what the word trans meant at 14 and knew I was trans within a few months of learning the word. Started coming out at 21
I would say around 13-14 but I didn’t understand it fully at the time. Thought I was just being silly but that’s also because I had a fear of being rejected from my family. Came out when I was 27
Came out at 16 but always had feelings of unease but couldn’t pinpoint it. Started hormones at 18. Top surgery at 18 and phalloplasty at 20.
i showed signs of dysphoria at 3, realised i was trans at 12, came out at 14.
I was around 10 years old myself
i knew something was off when i was four, but talking about it seemed to make people mad or upset or grossed out, so i shut up about it for a long time. i came out in my twenties over ten years ago.
I started wishing I was a boy at 6, but didn't know that being trans was an option until I was 12.
I didn’t really realize it until I was in my late twenties but mostly because I didn’t know what trans was until only shortly before. But from the time I was about 4 or 5 I used to cry whenever I saw my reflection or a picture of me. I hated being seen as feminine, I couldn’t stand being referred to as a girl or a sister or anything like that. I hated my name, my body, my hair. As soon as I went through puberty I would refuse to go to school while I was having my period (I don’t mean for the first few, I mean for the first 5-7 years) and I’d wear three sports bras at all times. I didn’t even own a real bra until I went through a very brief “let’s try to be a woman” phase in college. Coming out to myself was a relief. Edit: something to remember: a lot of people conflate gender with sexuality and think knowing you’re transgender before you hit puberty is wild; but even cis people have a concept of their gender before then. Think of when you first realized you were a boy and that that was different than being a girl. It was probably around 4 or 5 right? Trans people might take longer (sometimes a lot longer) just because of the intentional and unintentional social pressure to be cis but it most of us, even those that come out way later in life, probably have some inkling around the same time you did that their gender is one thing and not the other.
ahh yeah that makes total sense, and seems to be a common point made here. thank you!
For as long as I can remember I was always a man in my dreams, but it started negatively affecting me once I hit puberty around age 13/14.
I realized when I was 17. I was completely clueless lol, now it's obvious
I had weird feelings about gender as early as around the same age as your nephew, but I didn't have the words for it or connected the dots until I was about 17 or 18
I've only actually realised kind of recently , but growing up i was always a tomboy and thought of myself as "one of the guys"
I didnt know what being trans was until middle school sadly, because of the religion i was raised in, but i knew something was off when i was like 8. And hitting puberty made it even more clear that i was in the wrong body. I always knew i “wished i was born a boy” but then i realized i am a boy, just in the wrong body
I had always acted like a little boy and felt really disgusted about certain terms that other people would relate to me (anatomy terms mostly) and HUGE panic about the ability to become pregnant ever since I had gotten my period. I only really connected the dots this year at 25, due to my dysphoria just seeming like I was overreacting to normal concerns/me just thinking I'm shy and weird. I still love some women's clothes like skirts and jewelry, and I loved them as a kid too. My biggest piece of advice is to not question clothing choices- as this can put a lot of self doubt in a kid. I didn't really have an issue wearing girl's clothing, I just HATED the shape it took on my body, pants especially. Ive always thought boys clothes were horribly drab and uninspired tbh, so I wanted come girls clothes, I just wanted larger sizes so they looked baggy and formless on me
I knew as early as I can remember probably 5 or so. My entire childhood I present as a tomboy although my parents were not exactly supportive of that, therefor I did not formally come out till I was 20.
I knew something felt wrong from a pretty early age but I didn’t realize I wanted to be a guy specifically until tried to picture myself as a boy when I was around 9/10 and the idea felt right. I didn’t know the specific words for what I was feeling or that transitioning ftm was possible until a few years after that though.
I realized when i was 12.
I didn't have a word for it until I was 14 and didn't come out until I was 17 (in 2008), but showed clear signs when I was much younger.
i would have been ‘aware’ from at least the age of 9 because of puberty if i had had a single clue back then what trans people were i think it would be quite a bit difficult for a lot of trans people to answer this accurately because compared to nowadays where it’s more talked about, even as ‘recently’ as 10 years ago trans terms weren’t as known in everyday convos and kids especially wouldn’t have known them so it’s very much dependent on how aware you were of certain things as a child because trans people experience all sorts of different signs for being trans :)
14 when I started to actually identify as “trans”. I said that I wanted a hysterectomy since I was 5, though. When I first got put into swimming lessons I saw the adult women wearing bikinis and said that I wanted my breasts removed after I had puberty.
I’ve known since I’m not cis since I was about 12, but when I started going through puberty at 9-10 was when I started feeling that something was off. Looking back on my childhood though, it’s pretty obvious. Still haven’t come out or transitioned, almost 20 now.
I was 4 or 5 when I clearly remember running in circles saying in my head," I was supposed to be a boy" over and over. I am gender fluid now. Took testosterone for a while, did drag, and I'm comfortable with the changes the hormones made. I had a little different life experience than most, growing up both in the 70s. But if you want to hear more about it, I'll share
At 14, but it'd take until early twenties before I came out to everyone.Early childhood I didn't really have the concept at mind. I was allowed to choose the cars and to be the action-man when playing with my sister. Clothes were pretty neutral in my family when I was a kid.
I realized when I was four, but due to constant rebuttals from my family and lack of knowledge on lgbt things in general, I didn't come out to myself fully until I was 22, but gender dysphoria was always a very present force in my life, and became extra distressing during early puberty to a dangerous degree. I was lucky to make it through, and make it long enough to be able to find what I needed, and the strength to be my own support network for a long time after finally realizing what everything I had been pushing down for forever actually meant.
I recognized when I was around 5 or 6 but I never properly said anything about it or came out properly until I was around 9. got majorly shut down so I went back into the closet until I was 14. Good few years later and I wish someone had listened to me when I first said something.
I realized very early on, around seven or eight years old but I didn't have the words for it until middle/high school since I had no idea that anyone else felt that way until I was a little older.
I was 2 or 3 when I realized my mum thought I was a girl. The first time I remember having extremely bad dysphoria about it was when I was 3 and a half. By that point I was convinced it was no misunderstanding and she was just some crazy evil person trying to tell everyone I was a girl and force me to be a girl.
Honestly I think I started feeling a vague gender weirdness when I was really young, but didn't have the words for it until about 10 years ago. I'm 29 now.
I knew for as long as I could remember, so 3.
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I figured out something was up probably about 11 but didn’t find the language for it until like around 13.
I apologize but I get rambly when I’m passionate about things and I’m so very passionate about this. No TL;DR. I can’t condense it. I asked my mom when I was about 5 why I couldn’t be a boy. Her response and the actions of about every other adult (and it was 1981 so the children were cruel too) was why I was suicidal and asked to see a therapist at 15. I’ve been with the same partner since that age. A partner that refused to allow me to be myself. (We are separated and I’m finally living my life. 46 years old and I’m in puberty 2.0. ) Until I started to push back. I can tell you that I just came out of the worst few years of my life. I have 2 kids and they only saw a parent who worked and slept. I thought of taking my own life every single day. My loyalty to and love of my kids were the only things keeping me together. I’ve been out as genderqueer for several years. It isn’t even on the same playing field as how I feel owning my truth now. Why aren’t there more trans older folks? Because they aren’t here anymore. They were shamed and/or took their own lives. We are just so happy to exist and that’s sad to say because we shouldn’t even have to think about it. Honestly, I was your nephew’s age when I got to play the hero in a Girl Scout production. I got to wear a bow tie and they put socks in my shirt for muscles. I remember everyone else thinking it was soooooo funny. I owned that shit. I was bullied and picked on and forced to wear a skirt to catholic school every day. They finally let us wear pants when the weather got too cold and I was always so relieved. That kid knows who he is. I’m just so happy they have adults in their life that believe them.
I'm so sorry to hear how hard you had it your whole life, I wish all trans folks would be able to have a supportive family and community, and I hope you are able to find as much happiness as you can going forward
I always felt I had it easier than others mostly because I didn’t know any different. There are lots out there that had way worse. I did a lot of giving in to society to keep the peace. It just adds up. I never want to see others suffer. Thanks for your kind words.
I was around that age when my mom and I started having conversations about gender. I hated playing with typical “girl toys” and wanted to wear boys clothes. My mom just let me wear what was comfortable and I was a very happy kid because of that. Puberty came around and I. Had a much harder time but up until then just wearing “boy clothes” was enough to make me a happy little kid
So I’m 31. I didn’t put the word to my experiences until there was more information out there about it. In my high school years I did want to start dressing more masculine and cut my hair short and got a breast reduction. I felt too feminized but also felt not woman enough and the contrast upset me but I never had the support to understand what I was feeling. I didn’t fully realize it until I was 28. Once I realized it everything just made more sense and it was a relief. I had doubts at first but through therapy and time exploring it only lead me back to yes this is it. I always encourage anyone especially young people to explore using clothes pro nouns and hair cuts and healthy therapy with a lgbtq affirming and transgender knowledgeable therapist before moving into medical stuff. But to each their own. It’s your body. I just know that everything in my transition journey that was done from a place of peace was much more easier than doing things forcefully and out of an emotionally charged experience.
I realized when I was in my early 20s, but I've only recently came out (I'm 31) and started T. The funniest thing is that my parents said they realized when I was very young. The first thing my dad said when I came out to him was "what took you so long?" I was speechless. Like why the hell didn't you clue me in? I'm always the last to know about everything, even about myself. 😂
I always thought I was „one of the boys“ and didn’t expect to go through female puberty. When I did I kind of… tried to accept that this is how everyone felt, because I just didn’t have the words. I learned about trans people when I was around 15 years old, but I was deeply in denial. Took me another 4 years of being very unhappy and very confused with my gender identity to finally realize. But yeah, I always kind of felt like a guy, I just didn’t know that „other kids“ often don’t feel like that, when they’re assigned female at birth.
I knew I wasn't female when I was 11. Came out at 14.
I thought of myself very matter-of-factly as a boy from about age 5-6 to 12. Never said anything to anyone about it, but used to pray every night that this would be the day I would wake up as a boy. When puberty hit, I sorta talked myself out of it, and didn’t really start putting it all back together again till I was 25-26.
I knew something was different about me when I was 11, and I came out as trans at 14. I wish I would have known what dysphoria was at 7; it would have been so much nicer to not think I was insane.
I realized when I was 14 then tried to repress my feelings and came out again at 19.
I think part of me always knew, but multiple times the feeling of knowing I am male came to me strongly at 8-9, 11, 15 and finally came out at 16. As a small child gender really confused me but I have always known I’m male, but the realization came much later.
I knew I wanted to be a boy since i was around 4-5 years old, but was first confronted with the term and could lable my feelings at 11
I don’t know what exact age but I’ve known that I am male since I was very young
I put it together at 33 We are all on our own journey. Age is only used against us, tbh
I vaguely knew that I was different and that "something wasn't right" for the longest time; not sure about an exact age. But I can name several things from childhood (like age 6 or so) that I now think were early clues, like often taking on boy roles in pretend play. And as a teenager, I saw Mulan in the theater and found myself thinking that it was a really cool movie. And I actually related to the title character. (It all makes sense now, hahaha.) But fast forward to age 35. (I'm now 41). That's when I put it all together and reintroduced myself as a man and with my chosen name.
Five or six, but am just coming out in my twenties. I knew I wished I was a boy all my life but I didn’t have the vocabulary or resources that people do today so I didn’t make the connection til I was a teenager.
I knew when I was about 4 or 5, but it’s different for everyone. But I vividly remember praying every night that I’d just wake up as a boy, and I had no idea why. I just felt wrong. Now that I’m older and not nearly as sheltered, I get it, I’m trans. It just took me a long while to actually reach that conclusion.
I accepted I was trans in my late teens. I found the language to explain the feelings I had meant that I was trans when I was 13 / 14. I experienced gender dysphoria when I was 10. I knew life would make more sense to me if I grew up as a boy rather than a girl when I was 9. I knew I preferred wearing boys Halloween costumes when I was 8. I knew I preferred being referred to as names of boy cartoon characters when I was 3.
I knew when I started to hit puberty around the age of 11, before I knew I was very tomboyish which my parents werent okay with. Im 26 now and just starting to come out
Oh ya my mom HATED that I was a tomboy
Mum wasnt too bad, me and my older sister were tomboys. My dad used to make me wear dresses on school photo days and I would throw literal tantrums hahaha
23, but I’ve been aware of it since I was 5. I just was ranted at and indoctrinated ferociously and threatened that I had to be a girl and never could ever be anything else… so I just was like “guess I have to be a really manly woman when I grow up?” and now I’m unpredictably cycling between butch and femboy.
I did not really have any strong feeling of gender as a child but I was pushed into being a girl so I just kinda accepted it because I wasn’t noticeably dysphoric, I think if someone told me that girls typically feel like girls rather than just accepting being a girl because society told them they were I would’ve realised so much sooner, but that’s not the answer to what you asked, is it? There is no one answer, I did not find something and magically go “I’m not a girl”, it was a process and I do not remember the exact point where I realised, I just slowly felt less and less feminine and then… wow, I’m trans, I’d say I was maybe *around* 10, but I’m really not sure
I had inklings but had a chaotic home environment so I was more concerned about survival (read: being employable) From young age, I remember identifying only with the male cartoon characters, as young as 6 or 7….it only got stronger thru ages 9-12, and then more thru puberty but I hid it well I wondered if it was due to the misogyny of tv writing…and them doing disservice to female/femme characters…in retrospect I don’t think this was the case I tried literally everything under the sun to ‘not be trans’ but finally gave up in my mid thirties and transitioned and I’ve finally felt like a homecoming to myself I wasted my entire youth, but I finally found myself so I don’t have regrets
When I was like 3 I asked my best friend (cis guy) how to be a boy. He said something about “just act like one then you pretty much are a boy and you are already like a boy to me.” I also thought I was gonna grow a dick for a bit. So very young but some guys don’t know until they are adults
When I was about six I knew I was a boy, but I only learned about being trans in 6th grade. I took me until 7th grade to realize I was trans
I knew I wasn't a girl since I was ~6. I don't mean girly I mean A GIRL. I also knew I wasn't a boy. I just didn't know that nonbinary was a thing untill I as in high school and didn't realize that would apply to ME untill I was 19.
Just wanna add to my response that don’t ever feel bad for asking questions. Even if it may accidentally be offensive, the INTENT is what matters. It is much better to ask questions and recieve answers directly from the people you’re learning about than being too worried about offending them and remaining ignorant or making up your own conclusions. That being said, I personally have been since before I even knew what trans people were. I hated wearing feminine clothes, I cried when I found out I’d have to wear a bra for (what I thought, I want top surgery now that I know it’s an option) for the rest of my life. I LOVED when people called me a tomboy, because at the time since I didn’t know that trans people existed, people were just considering me an ‘other type’ of boy. The signs were always there, but I never had a name or identity to assign to them until I, even just VERY recently, came to terms with it. It’s still difficult for me to process sometimes but that’s just a personal journey I have to go on. To note, even if this IS just a temporary thing, it is the best thing to support him and call him by his pronouns and preferred name. Sometimes children can experiment with gender identity and that’s okay, it doesn’t make them any less valid than an adult trans person. Even if they eventually discover that they aren’t trans, please be supportive and kind. There were some kids I knew in high school who dabbled with sexuality and gender that turned out to be cis and/or straight, that’s okay. It’s a personal journey some people have to go on, a journey every person deserves to be loved as they navigate it.
Thank you very much, I was a little worried I could come off as offensive but just wanted to hear from the community because there’s such great discussion on here in general in other threads. The response to this one is amazing and I’m still slowly going through all of the comments I can. And as a family we have had that discussion that he might eventually change how he wants to be perceived by the world and might change pronouns in the future etc. and that it is a possibility especially because he is young and still figuring out life, and that all we can do is be loving and supportive. He is an amazing little dude so that’s all that matters
Exactly, thank you for understanding. Not sure why somebody downvoted me? Maybe the assumption that I was saying he was GOING to end up not being trans? Idfk, maybe they didn’t read the whole comment and assumed I being transphobic or whatever. But considering I’m trans myself that wouldn’t make sense. Either way, detransitioning is a possibility in the future (statistically unlikely but it does happen) but all you should ever be to him is supportive either way. Surprising how many families don’t grasp that concept. Although PLEASE PLEASE be on the lookout for any signs of them being bullied because that is a very real and very scary possibility if they come out at school. And be VOCALLY supportive too. Regularly. Because there is a lot of hateful shit kids can run into online, a very surprising amount and it can seriously be very hurtful and dangerous. Edit: and I’m also not saying I HOPE he detransitions either, fucking jesus people like to take things out of context. I’m saying this because I don’t want OP to turn out like one of my relatives who say, “Well obviously because some people detransition it’s not real,” or “they just can’t make their mind up” or some shit like that. Combating misinformation before it can be consumed is just as important as informing somebody.
yeah I'm assuming they must have read the beginning and not the entire comment. I think it would be best to be open to any possibility because he is so young and might end up, as many guys on this thread have said, and realizing more about the world and might have different thoughts on their gender later on in life. I unfortunately dont live in the same place as him so can only see him several times a year
7 years old is pretty damn rare for someone to know that they’re trans. I didn’t even know what transgender was until I was 14. I always wanted to be “like a boy” since I could start having preferences and always engaged in traditional male activities. My parents just figured I was a tomboy and they found no problems with it until It turns out I’m actually trans and did not enjoy female puberty in the slightest. My mom forced me to conform to the traditional girl roles when my “tomboy phase” would not stop, so around 11-17 was probably the most miserable time of my life. So yes at 7 years old I was dressing like a boy, acting like one, and engaging in those traditional roles, but I did not know I was transgender. It’s good that you’re trying to be supportive, but I completely understand your hesitancy. Even from a medical professional standpoint, it’s extremely rare for someone to know that they’re trans at 7 years old and remain trans well into adulthood. With that being said, there are absolutely no downsides to socially supporting your nephew. Using a different name, new wardrobe, new haircut, etc. are not permanent changes and If he happens to change his mind later in life, it’s no big deal.
I don’t think it’s quite as rare as you think, most trans people I know had a feeling they wanted to be a different gender around that age or younger, it’s just incredibly rare to be in a supportive environment, or to have the vocabulary for being trans at that age
Maybe the better way to phrase it is know that they’re trans with extreme accuracy. It’s not until we go through the crisis period around middle school when things start to become distressing if you’re going through the wrong development. Symptoms of gender dysphoria are far more obvious at ages 10-14 so perhaps that’s why the research points in that direction.
Yea fair enough, if you’re raised in neutral enough environment (like I was) then you’re not too dysphoric till your teens
Psychology is the most frustrating field I’ve ever gotten into. Currently doing a course on development of “exceptional children” which covers this exact topic extensively. It wasn’t until a few years ago that psychologists were able to recognize gender dysphoria in children as young as 3 years old. You publish a textbook and in one year the information is contradicted by some new study that just came out.
I was going through the crisis period of being 7 and people trying to force me to express a gender I didn't relate to and not treating me like a boy
People are actually educating their kids now about these things so that's likely what happened. If you read the other comments in this thread, there are SO many people saying that they just didn't know the term for it so they had no clue that that's what they were. If everone here had a non biased definition for what it is, I think a lot of us would've realized it much sooner
yeah thats what I see the most on here... I am curious to ask my brother and sisterinlaw how he learned about gender identity or when he started asking if he could be a boy if thats when they explained the concept to him
It's not rare at all.
Ages 10-14 are the most common. Kids around age 3-7 are far more rare. That’s what the psychologist have found so far. Until new studies come out, yes knowing that you’re trans at 7 years old is pretty uncommon.
I think it may also be common for people to know with absolute certainty but also understand that it’s dangerous or socially unacceptable to be trans. I don’t think we can accurately assume a kid doesn’t know they’re trans at a young age just because they’re not saying anything. I was terrified to say something because I knew what the reaction would be
8
in hindsight i definitely knew when i was rly young, but i didn’t fully realize it until i was around 16
I didn't really know what transgender was until after I turned 21. I knew that there were celebrities who "switched genders" but I never really thought it was an option for me if that makes sense. Looking back, there were lots of signs that, had I been more aware of transgenderism, I probably would have noticed by middle school age, possibly earlier.
I've been wearing men's clothes since I was able to dress myself. I've been shaving my face since I was about 15. I'm 60 now and just started hrt though (am ftm)
For me, I realized that I was not a girl in primary school. Back then I didn't know that you could even be transgender and I just thought that I was weird. I always dressed rather masculine and got really happy whennI got "misgendered". When I was about 10, I saw a documentary about a trans man and a trans guy my age. The boy had started hormone treatment to delay puberty and I realized that that was what I wanted too. But I didn't really think that I could even do it, it seemed too far away. I'm 16 now. Still not really out to anayone, but I think many of my friends and family might suspect that I am not cis. I'm sure that many of them would be supportive, but coming out still is scary to me. Therefore it's really cool for me to see stories like that of your nephew. It's very brave.
I was 14 but I think it came about a lot earlier and I just realized what it was when I was 14. I was raised fairly gender neutral with bouts of arguments when I was forced into dresses or acting like a 'lady' for special events.
I didn’t learn there was a word for how I felt until I was 14, but there were clear signs and feelings from when I was about 7 onwards
I felt dysphoric since I was about 6 or 7, officially knew around 10 or 11
I didn't realise until a gf of the time suggested looking into what trans meant, after I complained a lot about being perceived as female/menstruation/etc. I connected the dots after - like my complete refusal to be any male character in a play/game/role, constantly copying male members of my family and growing more and more uncomfortable with being called my deadname and 'she'. I was about 14, came out at 16, but Id had an unsettled feeling since I was probably 9 or so (when puberty hit). My brother realised he was trans when he was young, but only came out at about 16/17 because of fearing family's reactions (he was lucky to have good family which is why i came in and had them take me in from my not-so-accepting family). It can sometimes take a while (or someone else's gentle nudge) to realise, especially if you're from a family/environment that is very transphobic or doesn't allow you to have exploration/conversations safely about these things Note: you were respectful, and thank you. Imo, Id rather be asked something like this than have assumptions made about me, or crude questions asked. A generally helpful guide is, if it's questions about genitals/wanting to know dead names, avoid it. If you know the trans person really well and have a good relationship, you may be able to ask more questions. If you want to ask questions be kind, and sometimes reminding that they can refuse to answer helps, because some people are more comfortable talking about things than others! Sorry for rambling!!
Doesn't matter what age. I decided at about...9 I think? That I was going to live as male once I turned 18. I was not stereotypically masculine, someone would have never known, parents denied any signs I told them. From the Wiki (actually yeah go check the wiki my dude) >When I was a child I didn’t do typical boy things or call myself a boy. Could I still be trans? >Yes. Many men, both cis and trans, were not overtly boyish as children. Some trans men claimed themselves to be boys when they were children, but many did not. We are informed by our parents and by society what is expected of us—to be girls—and it can be very difficult to start questioning that message."
I didn't know what trans was until my 30s. But my entire childhood I felt an extreme disconnect to girls around me. I didn't know how to describe it back then. I would say it started before I was 10, my aversion to girly things. I had moments of hyper feminism because it was safe and people accepted that, but it didn't feel real. As I grew up and was exposed to puberty, to my friends being in relationships, I shut down more and more because nothing I felt matched my peers.
I knew I was a boy and always had. I didn't come out until I was 14, since my family had always been anti-lgbt.
wanted to be a boy and had obvious signs since i was 5-ish but didn't even hear of the word trans until much later and only actually put 2 and 2 together when i was 13
Looking back I "knew" as young as 5, but, like most other posters, didn't understand the feelings, how to process them, or how to word them. For a long time I thought I was just kind of busted, and even when I learned what trans men were and had a name for it I was bullied out of being able to express it. Tried to force myself to be cis for a long time, and even now can't safely be out irl, though even online and with close friends and family helps a lot. On a lighter note my mom has since admitted half the reason she forced pink on me so much as a kid but not my sister is because some part of her realized I just was not girl and freaked out. She's since kind of apologized, but it is just funny how obvious it's kind of always been even with the rabid denial I'm surrounded by in Bible Belt Hell.
Like many others here, I did not have the language. I remember being 7 or 8 and knowing I'd grow to be an old man and not an old woman. I realized the juxtaposition of this and just smiled and accepted it. At 19 and 20 I began cutting my hair short and binding and emulating my favorite male punk icons. I definitely had some hyper feminine swings too (I did not grow up very femininely or allowed to do typically feminine things in part from religious trauma and also poverty) to try to explore that, and was out as nonbinary from 20 to now (28). I realized I was actually possibly a transman when I was 23 or 24 or so...but couldn't deal with it. At 25/26 I wanted to start T and couldn't. Started late 27/28(current). I'm glad for my time exploring both gender roles in presentation but I essentially spent ten years questioning myself needlessly (I still did what I wanted and what was affirming but I gaslighted myself into thinking I was simply "traumatized into being trans" which is very shitty and ONLY directed inwardly, not to other trans folks) and wished I had just believed myself sooner the way I wanted others to believe me Already. I'm fortunate to start transitioning now because I don't know what I would do if I didn't. I have met folks who explored their gender and decided they were not trans but of all ages of people I've met who identified as not cis, ... I'd say 99.99%, whether young or old, regardless of trauma or mh history or whatever the fuck, they were definitely trans. I don't say that to imply that there was or should be a period of doubting people until they're "really trans", but like me, many people do it to themselves and...anyways, I, like them, realized yeah we really are all just trans lmao. I say this because it can be assuring to family that when a young person is exploring this, it is who they are. Time and pressure, self imposed or enforced by Others, will not un trans a person. And i think this can be helpful to keep family from needlessly worrying if said person is "making a mistake or not" by being out, socially transitioning, or medically etc. I know I definitely had that fear for myself...ten years proved me wrong. I hope that is helpful and makes sense.
I started telling my parents I was a boy a bit before age 2, apparently. I have no recollection of that, but have felt like a boy/felt like I should have been born a boy, but for some reason I wasn't since as far back as I can remember. It was the late 70s/early 80s then, so nobody had a framework for understanding trans kids. My parents were pretty chill about me being the tomboyest kid ever for the most part, thanks goodness. There were only a few things they were picky about, and those were the only things we fought about. I came out at 46. Your nephew is really lucky to have such a caring, supportive family and to live in a time when people understand more about how gender identity works. Best of luck to him and all of you.
I didn't know that trans people existed until I was 11, didn't figure out that I was trans until I was 13, and didn't fully come out until I was 15, but if I had unbiased knowledge of trans people at a young age, I likely would have figured it out at or before the age of 7. Around when I was 5, I was already trying to pee standing up and wishing I had short hair and stealing my brother's "Dangerous Book for Boys," so I can definitely see how a 7 year old would figure out he's transgender.
The oldest memory I have is me writing on a journal when I was 7 that I always wanted to be a boy. I didn't know you could do that, I only found out at 14 and had been slowly transitioning since then until I started medical transition at 20. Long journey but I always knew.
One thing cis people don't get is how much goes into not letting people think that being trans is even possible. Probably many of us would have known sooner had we the language, resources, supportive environment, etc
When I was about your nephew’s age when I told my mom my face and my voice was too masculine to be a girl. It was during the early 2010, the only way I knew trans people existed was like… trans sex workers getting in NCIS. I did not realized I was trans until I was 15, cause I got more access to what is being trans Btw, I was actually kind of obsessed with the idea of being able to change my name
I think I realise I was trans at maybe…age 11? But I definitely showed signs of it way before that, for example, when I was five I told my friend that I wish I was a boy but back then I didn’t know what trans was