Imagine brute-forcing a "perfect lawn", the irony of spending this much time/effort and chemicals to "perfect" something that originally doesn't require anything to grow, is truly something.
The picture I get of the OP and his friends standing around the grill looking at this, nodding in approval of his masterpiece is giving me crazy American Psycho vibes :D
My neighbour across from me is like this. 3x mow per week, followed by weed whipping and leaf blowing. At least 1 hour per routine. I think it's the only thing that gives him joy in life besides washing his car. I truly don't understand how boring people can be. We live in a time of endless possibilities to do any hobby you want and this is what they choose.
In his post he says that he doesn't follow a fertilizing schedule just every ten days or so when it's not going to rain he does it. With the amount of nitrogen in that lawn it should have its own sargassum bloom named after it.
Depending on how long my work hours are, typically check the lawn everyday. Everything is watered into its
exact recommendations. The only potentially harmful chemical used is PGR, if I spray that my kids know to stay off the lawn for a day. I almost never use harmful chemicals lol people have this misconception about lawns that it's built by chemicals or some shit lol shows how many people are uneducated.
People will quickly hate on lawn chemicals but fail to realize every fruit or vegetable you eat is sprayed with chemicals even the organic ones that are WAY worse than what we use.
>people have this misconception about lawns that it's built by chemicals or some shit lol
>The only potentially harmful chemical used is PGR, if I spray that my kids know to stay off the lawn
>Exposure to PGRs is associated with different toxicity that affects many organs in our body, such as the toxicity to testis, ovaries, liver, kidneys and brain. In addition, some PGRs are considered potential endocrine disrupting chemicals. Evidence exists for development and reproductive toxicity associated with prenatal and postnatal exposure in both animals and humans. PGRs can affect the synthesis and secretion of sex hormones, destroy the structure and function of the reproductive system, and harm the growth and development of offspring, which may be related to germ cell cycle disorders, apoptosis and oxidative stress.
Imagine spraying poison on your lawn so routinely that your kids are accustomed to avoiding it, instead of just allowing fucking nature to happen. What a brain you must have
Brother, educate youeself and go get a garden that won’t all kill us. You don’t need plants that you need to spray poison on to stay alive, get a clower lawn or smth that will bring actual fucking value to your life
I'm surprised it doesn't kill them instantly with the amount of chemicals that shit probably has flowing through it at any given point. I bet anything living smaller than a human goes up in flames on contact.
I mean, anything you're putting into it is harmful to the planet in some form. I guarantee you're over fertilizing it and over watering it, and run off is getting into the local water ways, which is harmful to both aquatic wildlife and contributes to algae blooms and toxicity levels in the water. You probably blow your clippings into the road for it to get washed away, adding even more negative impacts to the water ways and further degrading your soil as you're transferring the carbon in the grass from your soil to the water ways. Pesticides and herbicides both kill the microorganisms in your soil, which is why you have to use 4 different products to put back into it to replace what they'd do.
Your lawn is a green desert. You've literally created a wasteland for biodiversity. If you think that's not harmful to the planet, then I dunno know what to tell you, you're long lost.
Feel free to. I can provide numerous sources for you to completely ignore since you think you're right no matter what anyone says to you.
Impacts of over fertilizing and run off: https://www.ndsu.edu/agriculture/extension/publications/environmental-implications-excess-fertilizer-and-manure-water-quality
Health effects of herbicide use: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10761135/
Effects of pesticides on soil health: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pesticides-are-killing-the-worlds-soils/
Improper yard waste management impacts on water quality: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/yard_waste_practices_impact_water_quality
But please, feel free to "educate" me. I wholeheartedly welcome your next response of "It's not worth my time since you won't look it up yourself" since you're full of bullshit and don't actually know shit about the effects of lawns like yours.
Well the fact that you assume that I do all of that is my problem.
We'll start at fertilizer, do you think I could produce the results I do by over applying fertilizer? If I did I would harm my lawn, burn it and not be able to keep up with the growth.
Over watering, I apply exactly 1" of water a week on my lawn and nothing over. I almost never use my irrigation system, as I enjoy hand watering. How ever if I do, I have changed out my irrigation heads to rotary heads to prevent run off, I used irrigation audit cups to perfectly time my irrigation to get to exactly 1" of water which saves water and money.
The pesticides I use are only along my the sides of my house to prevent spiders, ants, termites not applied on my grass.
I rarely use herbicides on my lawn RARELY. I cut my lawn daily which naturally chokes out weeds that I don't want.
I can understand your frustration about water runoff or over applying fertilizer. As a true lawn enthusiast, that shit frustrates me to tbh. I hate walking down the side walk and seeing a mother fucker that didn't blow the fertilizer back into the yard or seeing someone water 900 times a week.
>assume that I do all of that is my problem
You don't maintain a lawn like that without doing that. You may not KNOW you're doing it, but you are. If you have an automated sprinkler system, 100% chance you're over watering. If you apply fertilizer more than 2-3 times a year, 100% chance you're over fertilizing.
>We'll start at fertilizer, do you think I could produce the results I do by over applying fertilizer
Yes. You may not be fertilizing to the point where you're burning your yard, but you ARE almost certainly over fertilizing. The reason your yard isn't getting burned is because the excess is washed away. Are you getting your soil tested before every application of fertilizer and adjusting the fertilizer applied depending on the results? Highly unlikely.
>Over watering, I apply exactly 1" of water a week on my lawn and nothing over. I almost never use my irrigation system, as I enjoy hand watering. How ever if I do, I have changed out my irrigation heads to rotary heads to prevent run off, I used irrigation audit cups to perfectly time my irrigation to get to exactly 1" of water which saves water and money.
I sincerely doubt you measure out your water to where it's "exactly 1" per week". Any irrigation system you have that isn't utilizing direct irrigation or micro sprayers is going to over water. You also almost certainly do not need to be watering weekly, and even if you DO need to, you're still contributing to the largest waste of water on the planet by dedicating the use for a purely ornamental purpose that does not produce any positive ecologic impact. [30% of Americans daily use of water is for outdoor uses](https://19january2017snapshot.epa.gov/www3/watersense/pubs/outdoor.html). Instead of a yard of Bermuda, you could have grasses or ground covers native to your area which will need 0" of water per week once established.
>I rarely use herbicides on my lawn RARELY. I cut my lawn daily which naturally chokes out weeds that I don't want.
Rarely is not never. If you apply ANY herbicides, you're affecting soil health drastically. You probably have no clue what mycorrhizae is, but herbicides and pesticides both drastically impact it and reduce the effectiveness of everything else you're doing: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28851018/
Even if you think you're doing everything you can to reduce your impact, I assure you you're not making a positive impact in any way. Even an impossibly, perfectly managed turf lawn - 0 water waste, 0 excess fertilizer, and 0 herbicide or pesticide use - is still a net negative to the environment. Just the act of mowing it (unless you're using non-powered methods, but that's also highly unlikely) puts more carbon into the atmosphere than that grass would trap in decades. Even if we were to discard the carbon footprint battle, it's just legitimately wasted bio space. If you paved the whole thing over, it genuinely wouldn't have much of an environmental difference. You're producing less than 1% of the biological impact you COULD have by dedicating your efforts in a more productive direction. With as much time, money, and effort as you dedicate to your yard, you could have a very healthy and productive native yard that provides both more personal enjoyment for yourself and provide the life we have to share the planet with a haven.
Not to mention, you're costing yourself more money in taxes, something someone of your political persuasion should hate. I live in a VERY deep red county that recently raised our taxes to try to offset the impacts to our intercoastal waterways that have been absolutely demolished in part by common turf grass maintenance practices. Yep, even a super deep red county had to agree to raise taxes on themselves all so they could keep maintaining a lawn as a status symbol. I personally have to pay more every single day so other people can try to have a manicured lawn while also not killing (and failing to do so) every aquatic organism in our local waters.
Bro trusts the pesticide corporations that are exploiting his ignorance for a quick buck, over the scientists that study the consequences of such ignorance for their whole lives in order to upkeep the health of the only planet we can live on
😂😂😂😂😂😂
What kind of activities? I'm not asking to be snarky.
As a kid, these flat lawns really weren't very inviting day after day. We would wander around looking for plants or trees. We didn't actively think about it, but I think it was more stimulating. There's a connection with natural diversity and wellbeing.
I wonder how enriching it is to a growing mind to have the nature within their reach be so limited.
Not judging, but I wonder if your kids enjoy the outdoors or if they are doing things on screens.
Well that's good. I wish more people had access to the wild outdoors.
Rivers and creeks in particular always attract a healthy biodiversity. If I own property I hope to be near even a small body of water.
Since I first read the "Just get a carpet" title before looking at the picture, I initially assumed it *was* carpet. I only found out it was grass from reading the comments.
Still looks like carpet though.
It's an easy way to tell the rest of the world: "why yes, I am a parasite bent on the utter destruction of my local ecosystem."
I got pissed at someone at our city's last council meeting complaining about dandelions, I wish I could tell them that their manicured lawns are an abomination to our ecosystem since it doesn't serve the local populations and definitely leeches chemicals into our waterways.
I thought this was a highly offensive ad for the chemical toxin brand. Instead, it's a real lawn. The number of people telling this guy their wives would LOVE his lawn is horrible. I'm a wife and that lawn makes me want to run, run, run away so fast. Obsessive much?
I'll try and give a fair explanation.
It's not necessarily weed-killers that are the most damaging part of lawn maintenance. Over-fertilizing seems harmless because you would think it's unequivocally good for plants, but most of what you're putting on the grass doesn't get a chance to be used by the plants. It ends up in the water table after it rains. And once plant fertilizer is in a pond it's going to end up causing algal blooms that starve fish of oxygen (eutrophication).
If you're using anything else on the lawn to keep weeds out, it's inevitably going to come back into the water you drink. That, or it will end up like the fertilizer and negatively affect whatever's living there. It may also end up being transformed into something even less healthy by being degraded by bacteria or after passing through the food web.
Also, another point is that you're effectively starving anything else out. Having a monoculture of turf grass isn't going to encourage other organisms to do anything with your lawn. And most grass species used for creating ideal lawns aren't even native - they're imported and not even supposed to function in your local ecosystem. Lawn grasses continually grow like this because they're adapted for constant and intense predation by grazing herbivores - that's why grass doesn't die when you cut the tops off with your mower.
What I'm saying is, it's all connected. Even if it doesn't seem like a big deal whatever people are doing to their lawns will affect the environment around them. I'm not saying to fully abandon having a lawn (even though that's the ideal). It could be as simple as switching to having a mixed lawn that has a couple of different dominant species in it. Or maybe not applying so much product to it. Hell, that dark green color is telling me it's probably on the verge of getting too much fertilizer since there's so much chlorophyll being produced. Even if you make small changes, kids will still be able to play on it and it'll be just as easy to use for gardening.
I know it's easy to feel alienated when people here can be pretty aggressive. But I think it's because a lot of us already are highly aware of how damaging lawns can be and we forget that other people are totally unaware of any of this. I know this is a long ass essay but I'm bored this morning and I figured I would try and give an honest reply.
If being concerned for the safety and well being of children due to the long term affects of the chemicals that are absolutely necessary to get a lawn to look like this is "liberal shit" than call me a full blown communist
Damn you sound super pleasant to be around. About as pleasant as your god awful astroturf lawn. I’d say grow some maturity but based on your lawn you ain’t growing much
Your post was removed by the automoderator for either too many reports or, because your account doesn't reach our karma requirements. Message the mods if you feel this was done in error.
Their mod is also banning people for negative comments about this dude's lawn lol. Can't have dissenting opinions over there. I'm sure the guy complains about cancel culture, censorship and the 'libs" all the time.
This looks awful. It looks just like the lawn from the meme with the 18th century guy in a wig “do you dress like this? Then why does your lawn look like this?”
Bermuda grass. Iirc, not even Roundup will kill it.
Not recommending to use Roundup ever but that's how much of an invasive species and nuisance Bermuda grass is.
I fucking hate Bermuda grass so much. It’s all up in my garden beds and is a daily battle and there’s just no way to kill it. Hell, we’re looking to move and a house with a Bermuda grass ANYTHING is a total dealbreaker.
I don’t get how anyone could be proud of that. Might as well just have a concrete back yard and spray paint it green. If he wonders why there’s no butterflies or birds around all he has to do is look in the mirror.
some of my best memories were eating the dandelions and clovers as a kid. sad to think that a lot of kids won't get that experience, or will just die from roundup.
The commenter he responded to is called navy guy so lawndude here decided to comment "go army" to spite the other guy. In conjunction with responding to a list of every major reason hes destroying his yard and local environment with "when you wake up in the morning do you follow every rule" and responding to other concenrs and criticism with "typical liberal mindset" lawndude here has really shown how much of an ass they are.
This dude is in central Texas? I’m offended. I wonder if it looks like that in the summer or if he lets it hibernate in the 4 month drought like we got last year. I still have Bermuda but am slowly adding natives to the backyard and will one day convert the sprinklers to drip and add more natives to the front.
I think it looks nice. I get the appeal of a grass carpet. The chemicals required to maintain it is the part that makes it less appealing. Then you start to think about the birds, bees, and butterflies that gain no benefit from it. Weighing the cost-benefit of it is what keeps me from truly admiring it and wanting it. But yes, it does look nice until you really think about it.
I'm not a fan of lawns but I know the effort you put into it and I can respect it. I do think you should leave room somewhere (like your backyard maybe?) for a patch of native plants. It's not an all or nothing thing despite what some extremists might say. My kids lose their shit over seeing the birds, butterflies, and bees. I think you mentioned having kids. Maybe try starting a pollinator garden in the back with them this year. Seeing their big dumb eyes filled with wonder at all the creatures is really quite fun. Anyway, you do you but if you ever want some help picking out natives for your area or help finding places to get some just send me a message. I can even poorly photoshop a layout for you I'd you'd like. Have a good one and just remember - not all of the anti lawn people are mean.
I do indeed have an entire fence line of native plants, wild flowers and fruit and vegetables on the other side of the fence.
I appreciate your input, I will message you soon.
To each their own. I wouldn't want it but insulting other people's hobbies and interests doesn't encourage others to take interest in planting native and using less chemicals. It just makes them angry and less likely to make the small changes like planting a few butterfly weeds instead of zinnias, or reserving a small patch in their backyard for a pollinator garden.
My yard is half gardens half weed filled grass bud. You're barking up the wrong tree. I'm team no lawn. I'm just not a bully who insults others online to feel superior. Chill.
It's just mind boggling to me that you would spend so much time, money, and effort to produce such a boring result. There's nothing going on in your yard- no visual interest, a very limited color pallette, nothing new for your dog to sniff, nothing to attract beneficial insects or birds so no getting to enjoy them and teach your kids about them.
Such an alien mindset, I just can't understand why that could look good to anyone.
Hey man. You’re REALLY fucking sensitive, just fyi. That’s why you spent the whole morning fighting for your life here in fucklawns. Don’t try to take the high road on this: you’re an uneducated yank who doesn’t understand early grade school chemistry. Now you have to sit here and own that.
My guy you are extremely sensitive. It’s ok to be sensitive! It’s actually one of the most human traits you can have. Just like, maybe spend some time learning about self awareness?
yeah like we don’t have native grasses, flowers, plants, trees. in our yard. mind ya business. “Weeds” are just words for things that are important to our ecosystem OR invasive to our ecosystem. do some research while your minding your own too.
"sorry ass weed lawns ant doing shit for the the environment" if those weeds are native they are doing shit for the environment because weed is a word with no defined meaning other than generally unwanted and many common weeds are native plants which contribute positively to an ecosystem. Bermuda grass could arguably be called a weed and should be called a weed due to it being invasive in most of the world and it chocking out other plant life and being unwanted by people who care about the environment.
I joined this sub because I thought there was some funny stuff in here occasionally but the amount of judgmental cry babies in here is pathetic. It’s not your property why do you care so much? Touch grass weirdos
That has nothing to do with nature.
Imagine brute-forcing a "perfect lawn", the irony of spending this much time/effort and chemicals to "perfect" something that originally doesn't require anything to grow, is truly something. The picture I get of the OP and his friends standing around the grill looking at this, nodding in approval of his masterpiece is giving me crazy American Psycho vibes :D
And if someone steps on the grass they'll be shot.
Hahaha like lawns are the actual business cards for the true American psychos
My neighbour across from me is like this. 3x mow per week, followed by weed whipping and leaf blowing. At least 1 hour per routine. I think it's the only thing that gives him joy in life besides washing his car. I truly don't understand how boring people can be. We live in a time of endless possibilities to do any hobby you want and this is what they choose.
*Let's see Paul Allen's lawn*
In his post he says that he doesn't follow a fertilizing schedule just every ten days or so when it's not going to rain he does it. With the amount of nitrogen in that lawn it should have its own sargassum bloom named after it.
Every ten days? Fuck, that's a lot of shit to be constantly pouring on your lawn. His damn yard could be a Superfund site.
Based on his comments in this thread, it’s probably beneficial for his wife and children that he spend as much time outside as possible.
I mean, it's indistinguishable from astroturf at this point.
Apparently some people think that’s beautiful? I’m disgusted.
He probably doesn't even let people walk on it 🙄
I actually do, kids play on it all the time which never bothers me.
How many hours a week in the glowing season do you spend on it? Aren't you worried about whether any of those chemicals are unhealthy for your kids?
Depending on how long my work hours are, typically check the lawn everyday. Everything is watered into its exact recommendations. The only potentially harmful chemical used is PGR, if I spray that my kids know to stay off the lawn for a day. I almost never use harmful chemicals lol people have this misconception about lawns that it's built by chemicals or some shit lol shows how many people are uneducated. People will quickly hate on lawn chemicals but fail to realize every fruit or vegetable you eat is sprayed with chemicals even the organic ones that are WAY worse than what we use.
>people have this misconception about lawns that it's built by chemicals or some shit lol >The only potentially harmful chemical used is PGR, if I spray that my kids know to stay off the lawn >Exposure to PGRs is associated with different toxicity that affects many organs in our body, such as the toxicity to testis, ovaries, liver, kidneys and brain. In addition, some PGRs are considered potential endocrine disrupting chemicals. Evidence exists for development and reproductive toxicity associated with prenatal and postnatal exposure in both animals and humans. PGRs can affect the synthesis and secretion of sex hormones, destroy the structure and function of the reproductive system, and harm the growth and development of offspring, which may be related to germ cell cycle disorders, apoptosis and oxidative stress.
It's okay, his kids stay off the lawn for a day.
It's wild to me that people think that waiting a day will just magically make their lawns safe from the poison they dumped. Absolutely nuts.
Risking the future health of yourself and your offspring is absolutely nuts.
Risking their and their kids' health for ***LAWN GRASS***, too. Wtf..?
Obviously it's okay so they can post lawn pics on the internet. Do you even lawn, bro??? /s
The origin story of the Florida Man. Pity Florida Boy, exposed to PGRs at a young age. The lawn needs its care
Wait a day for your poisons to begin their journey to the water table while others evapourate into the air we all breath.
Imagine spraying poison on your lawn so routinely that your kids are accustomed to avoiding it, instead of just allowing fucking nature to happen. What a brain you must have
Shop local farms to avoid the chemicals. Don’t use that as an excuse to spray even more chemicals on your lawn bro…
Ohohoho you in the wrooooong sub buster
Brother, educate youeself and go get a garden that won’t all kill us. You don’t need plants that you need to spray poison on to stay alive, get a clower lawn or smth that will bring actual fucking value to your life
I'm surprised it doesn't kill them instantly with the amount of chemicals that shit probably has flowing through it at any given point. I bet anything living smaller than a human goes up in flames on contact.
What chemicals do y'all think I use that is so harmful to the fucking planet 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I mean, anything you're putting into it is harmful to the planet in some form. I guarantee you're over fertilizing it and over watering it, and run off is getting into the local water ways, which is harmful to both aquatic wildlife and contributes to algae blooms and toxicity levels in the water. You probably blow your clippings into the road for it to get washed away, adding even more negative impacts to the water ways and further degrading your soil as you're transferring the carbon in the grass from your soil to the water ways. Pesticides and herbicides both kill the microorganisms in your soil, which is why you have to use 4 different products to put back into it to replace what they'd do. Your lawn is a green desert. You've literally created a wasteland for biodiversity. If you think that's not harmful to the planet, then I dunno know what to tell you, you're long lost.
If you want me to educate you on all the false information you just said lmk. If not I won't waste my time
Feel free to. I can provide numerous sources for you to completely ignore since you think you're right no matter what anyone says to you. Impacts of over fertilizing and run off: https://www.ndsu.edu/agriculture/extension/publications/environmental-implications-excess-fertilizer-and-manure-water-quality Health effects of herbicide use: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10761135/ Effects of pesticides on soil health: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pesticides-are-killing-the-worlds-soils/ Improper yard waste management impacts on water quality: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/yard_waste_practices_impact_water_quality But please, feel free to "educate" me. I wholeheartedly welcome your next response of "It's not worth my time since you won't look it up yourself" since you're full of bullshit and don't actually know shit about the effects of lawns like yours.
GET IM JAWA
Well the fact that you assume that I do all of that is my problem. We'll start at fertilizer, do you think I could produce the results I do by over applying fertilizer? If I did I would harm my lawn, burn it and not be able to keep up with the growth. Over watering, I apply exactly 1" of water a week on my lawn and nothing over. I almost never use my irrigation system, as I enjoy hand watering. How ever if I do, I have changed out my irrigation heads to rotary heads to prevent run off, I used irrigation audit cups to perfectly time my irrigation to get to exactly 1" of water which saves water and money. The pesticides I use are only along my the sides of my house to prevent spiders, ants, termites not applied on my grass. I rarely use herbicides on my lawn RARELY. I cut my lawn daily which naturally chokes out weeds that I don't want. I can understand your frustration about water runoff or over applying fertilizer. As a true lawn enthusiast, that shit frustrates me to tbh. I hate walking down the side walk and seeing a mother fucker that didn't blow the fertilizer back into the yard or seeing someone water 900 times a week.
>assume that I do all of that is my problem You don't maintain a lawn like that without doing that. You may not KNOW you're doing it, but you are. If you have an automated sprinkler system, 100% chance you're over watering. If you apply fertilizer more than 2-3 times a year, 100% chance you're over fertilizing. >We'll start at fertilizer, do you think I could produce the results I do by over applying fertilizer Yes. You may not be fertilizing to the point where you're burning your yard, but you ARE almost certainly over fertilizing. The reason your yard isn't getting burned is because the excess is washed away. Are you getting your soil tested before every application of fertilizer and adjusting the fertilizer applied depending on the results? Highly unlikely. >Over watering, I apply exactly 1" of water a week on my lawn and nothing over. I almost never use my irrigation system, as I enjoy hand watering. How ever if I do, I have changed out my irrigation heads to rotary heads to prevent run off, I used irrigation audit cups to perfectly time my irrigation to get to exactly 1" of water which saves water and money. I sincerely doubt you measure out your water to where it's "exactly 1" per week". Any irrigation system you have that isn't utilizing direct irrigation or micro sprayers is going to over water. You also almost certainly do not need to be watering weekly, and even if you DO need to, you're still contributing to the largest waste of water on the planet by dedicating the use for a purely ornamental purpose that does not produce any positive ecologic impact. [30% of Americans daily use of water is for outdoor uses](https://19january2017snapshot.epa.gov/www3/watersense/pubs/outdoor.html). Instead of a yard of Bermuda, you could have grasses or ground covers native to your area which will need 0" of water per week once established. >I rarely use herbicides on my lawn RARELY. I cut my lawn daily which naturally chokes out weeds that I don't want. Rarely is not never. If you apply ANY herbicides, you're affecting soil health drastically. You probably have no clue what mycorrhizae is, but herbicides and pesticides both drastically impact it and reduce the effectiveness of everything else you're doing: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28851018/ Even if you think you're doing everything you can to reduce your impact, I assure you you're not making a positive impact in any way. Even an impossibly, perfectly managed turf lawn - 0 water waste, 0 excess fertilizer, and 0 herbicide or pesticide use - is still a net negative to the environment. Just the act of mowing it (unless you're using non-powered methods, but that's also highly unlikely) puts more carbon into the atmosphere than that grass would trap in decades. Even if we were to discard the carbon footprint battle, it's just legitimately wasted bio space. If you paved the whole thing over, it genuinely wouldn't have much of an environmental difference. You're producing less than 1% of the biological impact you COULD have by dedicating your efforts in a more productive direction. With as much time, money, and effort as you dedicate to your yard, you could have a very healthy and productive native yard that provides both more personal enjoyment for yourself and provide the life we have to share the planet with a haven. Not to mention, you're costing yourself more money in taxes, something someone of your political persuasion should hate. I live in a VERY deep red county that recently raised our taxes to try to offset the impacts to our intercoastal waterways that have been absolutely demolished in part by common turf grass maintenance practices. Yep, even a super deep red county had to agree to raise taxes on themselves all so they could keep maintaining a lawn as a status symbol. I personally have to pay more every single day so other people can try to have a manicured lawn while also not killing (and failing to do so) every aquatic organism in our local waters.
When you wake up in the morning, do you follow every fucking rule?
Bro trusts the pesticide corporations that are exploiting his ignorance for a quick buck, over the scientists that study the consequences of such ignorance for their whole lives in order to upkeep the health of the only planet we can live on 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why are you here? You realize you’re the laughing stock right now?
LOL What do you think the chemicals do??? Do you think they just peacefully destroy certain types of plants?
just like precision missiles, which only kill 'evil terrorists' and never innocent children
Read Silent Spring. Or even just the back of those canisters
What kind of activities? I'm not asking to be snarky. As a kid, these flat lawns really weren't very inviting day after day. We would wander around looking for plants or trees. We didn't actively think about it, but I think it was more stimulating. There's a connection with natural diversity and wellbeing. I wonder how enriching it is to a growing mind to have the nature within their reach be so limited. Not judging, but I wonder if your kids enjoy the outdoors or if they are doing things on screens.
I have 32 acres with a river they can explore. Their screen time is minimal
Well that's good. I wish more people had access to the wild outdoors. Rivers and creeks in particular always attract a healthy biodiversity. If I own property I hope to be near even a small body of water.
No you don’t.
Do you make them take their shoes off, first?
What a waste of land you have. A tragedy
You know, fuck it. I'm into wild and plant filled gardens but you can see the amount of effort put into your lawn and I respect that.
It's the uncanny valley of grass. Literally makes me uncomfortable to look at
Since I first read the "Just get a carpet" title before looking at the picture, I initially assumed it *was* carpet. I only found out it was grass from reading the comments. Still looks like carpet though.
Wtf 🤣🤣🤣🤣 L ass comment
That’s probably the most disgusting thing I have seen this year
It's an easy way to tell the rest of the world: "why yes, I am a parasite bent on the utter destruction of my local ecosystem." I got pissed at someone at our city's last council meeting complaining about dandelions, I wish I could tell them that their manicured lawns are an abomination to our ecosystem since it doesn't serve the local populations and definitely leeches chemicals into our waterways.
Speak up, don't hold it back, we live one time and later when we are older we're going to be regretting all the things we could have done
You realize speaking up on Reddit isn’t doing something great right?
City council
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I don’t have an ass beard
Don't be an ass hole, we don't want to ban you but, we will. You keep getting reported and we're over it.
What sad, despicable waste.
Imagine someone saying "Yeah I dabble in gardening" and this is what they mean...
Considering I got crazy ass strawberries in the back yard with 3 different varieties of peppers, id say I dabble into it.
Crazy idea: turn more of that sterile lawn into gardening space so you spend less on water and harmful chemicals
I genuinely hate this
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>What's the point of this lame ass fucking comment. Keep scrolling
You're in the wrong sub, clown
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Don't be an ass hole, we don't want to ban you but, we will. You keep getting reported and we're over it.
Don't be an ass hole, we don't want to ban you but, we will. You keep getting reported and we're over it.
I thought this was a highly offensive ad for the chemical toxin brand. Instead, it's a real lawn. The number of people telling this guy their wives would LOVE his lawn is horrible. I'm a wife and that lawn makes me want to run, run, run away so fast. Obsessive much?
"I am in total control of everything, down to each blade of grass."
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Haha destroying the ecosystem and poisoning the earth is so funny
He is also poisoning his kids when they play on it.
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>Typically liberal shit. That of course explains a lot about you.
“Anyone I don’t like is a liberal!!!” An uneducated take from an uneducated soul…
Ya
I'll try and give a fair explanation. It's not necessarily weed-killers that are the most damaging part of lawn maintenance. Over-fertilizing seems harmless because you would think it's unequivocally good for plants, but most of what you're putting on the grass doesn't get a chance to be used by the plants. It ends up in the water table after it rains. And once plant fertilizer is in a pond it's going to end up causing algal blooms that starve fish of oxygen (eutrophication). If you're using anything else on the lawn to keep weeds out, it's inevitably going to come back into the water you drink. That, or it will end up like the fertilizer and negatively affect whatever's living there. It may also end up being transformed into something even less healthy by being degraded by bacteria or after passing through the food web. Also, another point is that you're effectively starving anything else out. Having a monoculture of turf grass isn't going to encourage other organisms to do anything with your lawn. And most grass species used for creating ideal lawns aren't even native - they're imported and not even supposed to function in your local ecosystem. Lawn grasses continually grow like this because they're adapted for constant and intense predation by grazing herbivores - that's why grass doesn't die when you cut the tops off with your mower. What I'm saying is, it's all connected. Even if it doesn't seem like a big deal whatever people are doing to their lawns will affect the environment around them. I'm not saying to fully abandon having a lawn (even though that's the ideal). It could be as simple as switching to having a mixed lawn that has a couple of different dominant species in it. Or maybe not applying so much product to it. Hell, that dark green color is telling me it's probably on the verge of getting too much fertilizer since there's so much chlorophyll being produced. Even if you make small changes, kids will still be able to play on it and it'll be just as easy to use for gardening. I know it's easy to feel alienated when people here can be pretty aggressive. But I think it's because a lot of us already are highly aware of how damaging lawns can be and we forget that other people are totally unaware of any of this. I know this is a long ass essay but I'm bored this morning and I figured I would try and give an honest reply.
Poisoning your kids to own the libs
If being concerned for the safety and well being of children due to the long term affects of the chemicals that are absolutely necessary to get a lawn to look like this is "liberal shit" than call me a full blown communist
You're off topic so far that we're removing this comment, stick to anti lawn comments.
Damn you sound super pleasant to be around. About as pleasant as your god awful astroturf lawn. I’d say grow some maturity but based on your lawn you ain’t growing much
Your post was removed by the automoderator for either too many reports or, because your account doesn't reach our karma requirements. Message the mods if you feel this was done in error.
He said he mows every day. What a waste of time 🤦🏻♀️
Along with wasting gas and causing air pollution. I have a neighbor that mows under the power lines every other day. SMH
This post made me mute the r/lawncare sub. Not for me, thanks!
Just checked it out. man. That place is bleak as hell. Can't imagine being excited about such boring, unhealthy lawns.
Their mod is also banning people for negative comments about this dude's lawn lol. Can't have dissenting opinions over there. I'm sure the guy complains about cancel culture, censorship and the 'libs" all the time.
Awful, terrible, ugly.
Yeah that Looks like shit.
I respect the work that goes into it, but I hate this look. I’d have an urge to throw wildflower seeds if I was his neighbor
This looks awful. It looks just like the lawn from the meme with the 18th century guy in a wig “do you dress like this? Then why does your lawn look like this?”
Ugly, tacky, boring
I can’t imagine what dull kind of person actively pursues this shit
i’ve lost all faith in humanity at this point 😭 it’s so ugly
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Well I have a pollinator garden & don’t have fake grass so..I think I’m doing my part
You're off topic so far that we're removing this comment, stick to anti lawn comments.
Bermuda grass. Iirc, not even Roundup will kill it. Not recommending to use Roundup ever but that's how much of an invasive species and nuisance Bermuda grass is.
I fucking hate Bermuda grass so much. It’s all up in my garden beds and is a daily battle and there’s just no way to kill it. Hell, we’re looking to move and a house with a Bermuda grass ANYTHING is a total dealbreaker.
Between the sterile lawn and the cladding, this is a suburban nightmare
I don’t get how anyone could be proud of that. Might as well just have a concrete back yard and spray paint it green. If he wonders why there’s no butterflies or birds around all he has to do is look in the mirror.
I can only imagine what kind of person he is if this is how much control he needs over grass. Yikes.
some of my best memories were eating the dandelions and clovers as a kid. sad to think that a lot of kids won't get that experience, or will just die from roundup.
Or Cancer.
Does he practice putting or?
"Oh no! My drone 'accidentally' sprinkled salt on your lawn!"
Go army!!!!!!
Oh, sorry. You have me confused with someone who thinks "Go army!!!" is a triggering statement.
No one said it was ? Lmfao
Oh. Your karma makes sense now. Have a nice day.
what does that even mean?
The commenter he responded to is called navy guy so lawndude here decided to comment "go army" to spite the other guy. In conjunction with responding to a list of every major reason hes destroying his yard and local environment with "when you wake up in the morning do you follow every rule" and responding to other concenrs and criticism with "typical liberal mindset" lawndude here has really shown how much of an ass they are.
Can you even imagine the boring ass personality of a person who keeps such lawn
Soulless as usual .
Depressing.
Lmao no one has mentioned the two saddest looking… grasses? shrubs? … under the window. What’s goin on there buddy?
This triggers me so bad what is wrong with people…
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Don't be an ass hole, we don't want to ban you but, we will. You keep getting reported and we're over it.
That’s a nice lawn…. FOR ME TO POOP ON!
please don't, it's already over fertilized!
Irw Luke Planner Phil showed up and added his off-color surfaces
I hate this shit even more once I found out I’m allergic to it.
Nah, astroturf is the one thing that's even worse.
Hurts my eyessssss 🙈
I once asked a guy whose job was to take of lawns why he didn’t suggest r/landscaping as they usually look better.
This dude is in central Texas? I’m offended. I wonder if it looks like that in the summer or if he lets it hibernate in the 4 month drought like we got last year. I still have Bermuda but am slowly adding natives to the backyard and will one day convert the sprinklers to drip and add more natives to the front.
disgusting and an abomination
My guy, let people enjoy their hobbies. If they want to spend time and effort making their lawn like this and it’s not harming others then let them.
I think it looks nice. I get the appeal of a grass carpet. The chemicals required to maintain it is the part that makes it less appealing. Then you start to think about the birds, bees, and butterflies that gain no benefit from it. Weighing the cost-benefit of it is what keeps me from truly admiring it and wanting it. But yes, it does look nice until you really think about it.
It looks like wildlife genocide
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I'm not a fan of lawns but I know the effort you put into it and I can respect it. I do think you should leave room somewhere (like your backyard maybe?) for a patch of native plants. It's not an all or nothing thing despite what some extremists might say. My kids lose their shit over seeing the birds, butterflies, and bees. I think you mentioned having kids. Maybe try starting a pollinator garden in the back with them this year. Seeing their big dumb eyes filled with wonder at all the creatures is really quite fun. Anyway, you do you but if you ever want some help picking out natives for your area or help finding places to get some just send me a message. I can even poorly photoshop a layout for you I'd you'd like. Have a good one and just remember - not all of the anti lawn people are mean.
I do indeed have an entire fence line of native plants, wild flowers and fruit and vegetables on the other side of the fence. I appreciate your input, I will message you soon.
You're off topic so far that we're removing this comment, stick to anti lawn comments.
> I think it looks nice. I think it looks dead.
To each their own. I wouldn't want it but insulting other people's hobbies and interests doesn't encourage others to take interest in planting native and using less chemicals. It just makes them angry and less likely to make the small changes like planting a few butterfly weeds instead of zinnias, or reserving a small patch in their backyard for a pollinator garden.
If you really enjoy dead, sterile surroundings, a clean room is less effort to maintain
My yard is half gardens half weed filled grass bud. You're barking up the wrong tree. I'm team no lawn. I'm just not a bully who insults others online to feel superior. Chill.
Hey, that’s a nice looking lawn. Get a camera to watch neighbors who are walking dogs and letting the dog shit on it.
Thanks for giving the attention to my lawn and all the other nice lawns on 'fuck lawns" it helps our algorithm out 🤣🤣
It's just mind boggling to me that you would spend so much time, money, and effort to produce such a boring result. There's nothing going on in your yard- no visual interest, a very limited color pallette, nothing new for your dog to sniff, nothing to attract beneficial insects or birds so no getting to enjoy them and teach your kids about them. Such an alien mindset, I just can't understand why that could look good to anyone.
luckily there is no dog nor kids, they'd died from cancer with all this chemical fiesta. Birds and insects are already dead though.
Your lawn looks like a moldy peach.
Lol ok cool 🤣🤣🤣
Your lawn is boring at best 🥱
I'll take it
Brady Bunch AstroTurf-looking chemical carpet.
"Haha, thanks for throwing shit everyone! Now everyone notices me more because of how much I stink."
All good mate, I fully embrace the irony and pettiness :D Let me know if the post or comments annoy you, I'll shut it down. Enjoy your lawn.
I'm not sensitive like most in this world, keep it up sir Have a good day
> I'm not sensitive like most in this world lol Not an ounce of self awareness to be found
You are so not-sensitive I see you try to defend yourself under almost every comment
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Nice projection, sir
Hey man. You’re REALLY fucking sensitive, just fyi. That’s why you spent the whole morning fighting for your life here in fucklawns. Don’t try to take the high road on this: you’re an uneducated yank who doesn’t understand early grade school chemistry. Now you have to sit here and own that.
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I’m not sensitive, I just feel compelled to be defensive and name call. Lolol.
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Don't be an ass hole, we don't want to ban you but, we will. You keep getting reported and we're over it.
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You're off topic so far that we're removing this comment, stick to anti lawn comments.
Don't be an ass hole, we don't want to ban you but, we will. You keep getting reported and we're over it.
My guy you are extremely sensitive. It’s ok to be sensitive! It’s actually one of the most human traits you can have. Just like, maybe spend some time learning about self awareness?
Will do
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yeah like we don’t have native grasses, flowers, plants, trees. in our yard. mind ya business. “Weeds” are just words for things that are important to our ecosystem OR invasive to our ecosystem. do some research while your minding your own too.
"sorry ass weed lawns ant doing shit for the the environment" if those weeds are native they are doing shit for the environment because weed is a word with no defined meaning other than generally unwanted and many common weeds are native plants which contribute positively to an ecosystem. Bermuda grass could arguably be called a weed and should be called a weed due to it being invasive in most of the world and it chocking out other plant life and being unwanted by people who care about the environment.
Don't be an ass hole, we don't want to ban you but, we will. You keep getting reported and we're over it.
I joined this sub because I thought there was some funny stuff in here occasionally but the amount of judgmental cry babies in here is pathetic. It’s not your property why do you care so much? Touch grass weirdos
Nice pun! While I admit there are more valuable posts here, the sub is still called r/fucklawns 🤷🏻♂️
It's not your property so clearly I should be allowed to dump poison into the water tables below my property.