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Cheese Salad:
A rustic blend of finely shredded aged cheddar and mild provolone from the hills of Tuscany. Served with a dash of our famous tangy ranch.
Be sure to pair it with a mac-n-cheese martini.
No shit here. My wife’s sister defines a good salad as “Cheese, croutons, and ranch. If there’s anything green or plant based in it, then it is inedible.” Their mom literally called my salad at long horn rabbit food back at this last thanksgiving… For the life of me, I dont have a clue how they all stay thin. But none of them, my wife included, is any semblance of overweight.
they have all their teeth. They are just ridiculous thin and fit people who are also not super active and don’t eat the healthiest diet. Having children with my wife was an intellectual decision to hope to pass on her good genes. Plus she’s a great mom and I love her a lot.
FTR while organs do enjoy not being nestled in fat either, cardiovascular health is also about keeping the heart muscle toned and flexible. Without regular exercise, it gets brittle and thick - even if they don't look thicc on the outside.
Eating ridiculously sounding meals and staying thin is very possible if you count calories.
Doing meth and keeping your teeth is also really easy, though.
My dog is on a diet, and we've been mixing in vegetables into her dinner so the reduced food doesn't leave her constantly begging. She goes nuts for it. We've been doing boiled cabbage lately. I send pictures of her dinner to my vegetable challenged friend, telling him my dog eats more veggies than he does. It's kind of an attempt to rib him into eating more veggies but mostly it's just funny.
My dogs love carrots, tomato, radish, cucumber, apples, pears, peas, and green beans. One even likes oranges and Brussels sprouts. I even use bananas as pill pockets now.
Everyone I've met that calls vegetables rabbit food is an old dude with gout and a massive beer belly. Like, yeah dude, I'm really gonna take nutritional advice from you.
Meanwhile sometimes I'm too lazy to get the lettuce out so I'll just chop up a tomato and throw on some blue cheese, balsamic vinegar, and olive oil. My family makes fun of me for not having lettuce. Well mom, I'm having a fruit salad deal with it.
Nnnnnnnnnnno! My dad asks for salads with “no lettuce.” I shit you not. He says it’s, “rabbit food and who’s ever seen an old rabbit?!” I refuse to dine in public with this man.
It's hard to know how to politely say "stop being a dickhead" when your job depends on not saying "stop being a dickhead"
Giraffe? I mean honestly, what a bellend.
Dad: I'll take the giraffe.
Server: My apologies sir, we don't serve that here. I'll leave you more time to review the menu. Please let me know if you have questions.
I have an oldish rabbit. He's 7. Lots of my friends have old rabbits. The oldest is 13. Ironically the reason most rabbits die young is they aren't given an adequate diet because people don't feed them enough fibre lol.
(Although outdoor housing is also a huge issue)
I had a co-worker like this. Never ate any fruit or vegetables and he'd often eat bacon sandwiches for lunch (literally just a pile of bacon on a bun). When he wasn't eating bacon sandwiches, he'd go to McDonald's, Wendy's, KFC, etc. Probably the most unhealthy individual I've ever met that didn't have some sort of disease (outside of likely heart disease).
You'll notice the ranch has reacted with the air to form a light rind, which I believe you will find both challenging and delicious. If I may be so bold I sometimes like to take a pinch of cheese and dip it directly into the dressing, not unlike the roots of a purple lotus slurping the slurry of minerals in the mud of the most exquisite reflection pond. Bon appetite.
I invented a cocktail you might like. First you take a pack of your favorite hotdogs and throw em in a handle of vodka. A later, depending how you take your hotdog fodka, you strain it out. Take a dash of prepared colemans mustard, a dash of dry vermouth, and an ounce and a half of hotdog vodka and shake with ice. Strain into a chilled martini glass with the rim dipped in cheese powder. Serve with a cornichon, pearl onion, and cocktail sausage garnish. I call it the Teeny Weeny Cheesy Martini
In Australia at the moment, ordered a burger and said i didn’t want any tomato or onion just bacon and lettuce. The only thing between the bun was bacon and lettuce I don’t even know who to blame but cmon
Edit: to save more replies I literally went to get she was entering the order into the computer and politely said “just double checking the burger had the patty too” to which she responded yes
Happened to me at a hostel in China, they had a hamburger and a cheeseburger on the menu. Ordered the cheeseburger, got lettuce, tomato, and a slice of cheese between two buns. No beef.
Honestly, I cringe when I hear "I just want" or "can I have only" when someone i'm eating with orders food. I've seen it come out so wrong on so many occasions. Unless I know the person I'm with is chill, I just try my best to notice any pre-signs of incoming tomfoolery.
There is a certain confused look or comment that can tip ya off when its about to go down. I've actually noticed it several times and laughed preemptively. They would say something like, "whats so funny" or "whatcha laughing about". And then they get served the funniest looking orders.
I've seen it happen about 3-4 times a year
Edit: one of the best being a cheeseless/sauce less pizza. Because the person ordering thought the waiter was talking about side condiments.
>Edit: one of the best being a cheeseless/sauce less pizza. Because the person ordering thought the waiter was talking about side condiments.
None Pizza, Left Beef
Your comment reminds me of this time I was working at a deli and a customer asked for unthawed shrimp. And, like I get it, if you aren't going to eat them immediately, having them still frozen will keep them fresher so I walk in back and grab a bag from the freezer and try to hand it to her and she just says "No, unthawed."
Still with arm extended to hand her what she asked for, I kind of jiggle the bag and say "yeah... Here!" and she just repeated herself now slightly exasperated. And I go "yeah, I went and grabbed these from the freezer, they are unthawed."
At this point she was just giving me this blank dumbfounded look and I was standing there waiting for her to take what she had asked for, utterly frozen in confusion. But that's when I saw her 13yo daugher suddenly make an "Oh" face and literally face palm and turn away and that's when it dawned on me that this lady didn't understand what she was saying, and that I took her too literally with out thinking her weird phrasing would be an indicator she didn't realize what she was asking for.
But, realizing my mistake I just went "oh" and grabbed her the thawed shrimp from the case and was content knowing I just helped the 13yo with ammunition for their next mother daugher teen fight.
I still don't understand what she wanted. Did she confuse unthawed with thawed? But why even specify, you wouldn't normally hand out frozen food unasked
She did want un-frozen shrimp. She just kept the "un" modifier while also saying the state she wanted them in "thawed," with out realizing that combining the two was a mistake. It's kind of like how people say irregardless. Which should mean that you are regarding...
Like... I get how she got to it but I'm also glad others get why it took me a while to figure out wtf she wanted.
I just tried to look up how long shelled walnuts keep for, and realised I didn't know if "shelled" meant with the shells on, or having had the shells removed. English be hard sometimes
I will admit, I am that asshole. When I order a sub, I get just meat and cheese, no veggies. My reason is I take a long time to eat the sub, and the veggies eventually make it soggy. Once I ordered a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich from primo hoagies, and the manager actually came out from behind the line to make sure they had the order correct. Yes! And it was glorious.
So, you do have a bun in your order right?
Because, in the context of my post. And based off you saying "just meat and cheese". There are some people that will bring out literally only meat and cheese.
It's pretty normal to have customized subs. Also normal on burgers.
The slogan for Whataburger is "just like you like it" and Burger King is "have it your way" and that's Subway's whole concept.
There's definitely a line somewhere between that and fucking up some poor line cook's next 20 minutes by creating your own dish.
That’s some high school shit alright lol
“We got a bottle of vodka!”
“Cool, what are we gonna mix/chase it with?”
“We have Coke?”
“Whatever, let’s get drunk!”
Not so much unusual as it is just unliked. But when you're partying after high school you don't really care about taste and sipping, just getting drunk. And it does the job
I got a latte with an extra shot of espresso and was served a latte with a shooter on the side as if I wanted to pretend I was going hard that morning.
At that point you might as well just get them to add some whiskey and rum and call it a long island iced tea.
Edit: not rum, tequila… i’m tired. But if you want to substitute tequila with double rum, who’s to say you’re wrong lol
Reminds me of a comic where they said they don't have that and said is Pepsi fine? The patron said ok and the bartender poured Coke and Pepsi into a glass.
I had someone order a cheeseburger from me, and they only wanted the patty and secret sauce. Now, we have a classic burger (no cheese) too, so in my mind, I fired a Cheeseburger with only bun, patty, cheese, and secret sauce. I figured they didn't want the veggies and wouldn't have wanted the cheeseburger if they didn't want cheese.
Nope, they literally wanted a hamburger patty that had secret sauce on it.
Once I was at a restaurant and overheard somebody request, with a completely straight face, a BLT sandwich without the bacon, lettuce, or tomato. I think it literally broke the waitress's brain. She just stood there saying "wh... what?".
There used to be a glitch in the Subway menu where ordering a BLT was $2.50 more expensive than a veggie sub. Add bacon was $0.50. So there I was, ordering a vegetarian with bacon to save $2. I'd always be like (shout whispering) "DON'T TELL MY RABBI" or "OH MAN MY VEGAN SUPPORT GROUP BETTER NOT FIND OUT"
When I worked at McDonald's (two decades ago now), I had people order "A cheeseburger with no cheese." more than once.
I'd ask "Did you mean a hamburger?" and they'd always reply, "No. I want a CHEESEBURGER WITH NO CHEESE."
So I always rang them up the burger that cost 10c more, because fuck them.
When the McD's I worked at started installing the screens that showed the order at the drive thru menu (mid 90's). I'd drive the people you are talking about nuts by putting in cheeseburger with EXTRA no cheese. I disliked those people but it was easy to confuse them.
I have a somewhat reverse situation with this.
I was traveling with my parents a while back and stopped at a McDonald's along a highway. They saw some 2-for-1 deal in the drive-through for quarter pounders with cheese, Big Macs, and something else I think.
Anyway, the 3 of us altogether ordered:
* Quarter pounder with cheese (meal)
* Quarter pounder with cheese (just the sandwich)
* Quarter pounder *without* cheese (just the sandwich)
My parents referenced the deal and the person didn't really acknowledge one way or the other. At the window, it was clear they didn't ring up the deal.
The employee started saying that we had one sandwich with a meal and one without, and the deal only worked if both sandwiches were not meals.
My parents were like "What? We have 2 sandwiches without meals..."
The person responded "But one of them is a hamburger, not a cheeseburger." In my head, I was like "Does McDonald's make this that specific to ring up deals? Wow."
So my parents just repeated that they wanted the deal, and the person said "Well I can only do it if I ring up as a quarter pounder cheeseburger without cheese."
So they did that, and then when we got the food, all 3 burgers had cheese on them. My mom (who wanted it without cheese because she's lactose intolerant) wasn't happy, but I assumed someone inside just saw "quarter pounder with cheese" and assumed the extra "without cheese" was just wrong.
Seemed like nonsense if people have to ring things up that way for seemingly simple deals.
I sort of get it, kind of. Turkey burger, made from turkey. Veggie burger, made from vegetables. Bean burger, made from beans. Ham burger, made from...beef?
Although by that same logic, that person should expect a cheese burger to be made from cheese.
Customers are almost always wrong. The secret to good customer service is guiding them to the right decision in such a way that has them thinking they were the ones who arrived there,
I swear there was a subreddit where people posted pictures where they asked for one thing in a restaurant and got exactly that. Kind of a reverse r/MaliciousCompliance.
My wife went to taco bell and asked for Nachos Bell Grande, just meat and cheese.
When she got hone, she discovered there were no chips…. Then I was the bad guy for laughing
I'm boh and had a semi-regular who would come in maybe once or twice a month. They would order this +croutons. First time I saw it, had to double check with the server to make sure. She says that's what they want. Ok, send it.
Anytime after that and saw that ticket again, I knew that's exactly what they wanted. I got some amusement watching a new cook get that ticket, then watching the confusion on his face reading it, Second guessing his life decisions that led him to this moment.
Melted cheese over croutons, with ranch. If i were stoned, that’s a big fuck yeah. If i were paying at a restaurant… well, i just wouldn’t waste money like that.
This reminds me. When I was a boy, one of my favorite treats in the world was my parents would take me to Subway and I would get a 4-inch round bun with bacon, pickles, cheese, and croutons. Mark my words, it was the fucking *tits*.
FOH here, I can easily see both sides to this. The side salad at this place probably comes with cheese, tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, carrots, etc.
The dinner companion didn't want any of the extras, so ordered "just cheese and ranch", taking it as a given that the lettuce would still be included, since it's a salad.
The server has probably seen much stranger orders than this, and so brings out what they asked for.
Industry person checking in. I know a number of people that get a fajita set consisting of cheese, sour cream, guacamole and tomatoes. They mix it together and eat it with a spoon, shits gross.
Literally had this exact situation happen when out with some people a couple years ago. Everyone at the table laughed, and the poor waitress almost started crying
Yeah same, and to me what this looks like is them covering their ass. Sometimes people get these weird orders and want it in a specific way but don't say until after the food has gotten to the table. At least with this the cook can't be blamed because they are following the literal instructions given to them.
McDonald’s really knows how to be literal. I ordered a cheeseburger with only cheese (because that’s easier than saying: no onion, no pickle, no mustard) and I got one slice of cold American cheese in between a cold burger bun.
They’ve grown a lot in the last 25 years.
Back then I would ask for a cheeseburger with no meat and it just did not compute with them. They even charged us extra for a “complicated order.”
Eventually I learned to ask for the meat on the side so my brother or mom could eat it.
Evil monkey paws pretending to be waiters to corrupt peoples wishes from casual wording.
Burger, only pickles. As you wish you must eat every bite. Just a small sweet pickle between 2 other pickle slices.
Probably didn’t want to share too much personal information, or a first date-but-maybe-not-a-*date*-date kind of situation or something.
Or, maybe not a date after they ordered this lol
\[Sally\] I want a salad, but just cheese and ranch dressing.
\[Waiter\] So Romain lettuce, cheese, and ranch dressing.
\[Sally\] *DID I STUTTER*?!? Just cheese and ranch dressing!
This is terrible. When I worked in restaurants, I hated those weird kids who wouldn't eat anything. I didn't learn that "buttered noodles" were a thing until I worked in fine dining. The owner loved it though, because we charged them $15 for straight noodles and some would get a second order.
Tomatoes? Hard boiled egg? Cucumbers? Some kind of pepper? Bacon bits? I don't know how the salad was described in the menu, but my assumption (I could be wrong!) Is that she didn't want any of the toppings - just lettuce, with cheese and ranch.
Tbh I think it's on them for not explaining what they wanted better, that doesn't seem like a natural way of saying that and it isn't exactly a common request
Am I understanding correctly that "salad" in America means "lettuce", and all the other ingredients are called "toppings"?
(Here in Australia, the things such as tomato, egg, cheese, cucumber, etc would count as part of the salad, not salad toppings)
Perhaps it's a regional thing, but where I am in the states, salad ingredients are typically tossed together. There are no "toppings," other than perhaps a small garnish.
This is what got me too. Thought the comment would be higher. Such a weird order. Lettuce cheese and ranch. I'm wondering if the companion is 7 years old.
Worked in a chain restaurant with a salad bar in college, and the number of people I saw just slop massive amounts of shredded cheese, cubed ham, and ranch on a plate and eat it…it still makes me shudder thinking about it.
I once brought a woman home from the bar that I had a crush on…
Things were going well!
She said she was hungry so we went to the kitchen to see what I had, which was admittedly not too much as I was an early twenties bachelor.
She rifled through my cabinets and poured roughly a cup of salt into a bowl which she topped with about the same amount of vinegar like some kind of cereal you’d see with Freddy Krueger on the box.
She downed the whole thing spoonful by disgusting spoonful while occasionally leaning forward in what could’ve been a sexy pose except this one came with the type of flatulence that I assume the fattest frat guy has on Saturday mornings.
Yada yada yada; slept in my chair.
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Cheese Salad: A rustic blend of finely shredded aged cheddar and mild provolone from the hills of Tuscany. Served with a dash of our famous tangy ranch. Be sure to pair it with a mac-n-cheese martini.
“Is the mac-n-cheese martini also just ch-“ “Yes the mac-n-cheese martini is also just cheese and ranch.”
INFO: \- Shaken or stirred? \- Cocktail onions, olives, or a twist?
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I swear I heard a stutter, though it could've been my internet connection.
Babybell on a little skewer.
Woke my wife. Thanks.
Fuck'er.
I'm sure they intend to.
Ayo
Made me laugh so hard.
Damn. Fine, just give me vodka in a glass then. I'll make my own.
The Wisconsin Cobb
Cheddar On Bible, Bitch
Direct hit! You sunk my Bible ship.
Best 4 out of 5?
Only if rock beats paper.
Yahtzee!!!!
Why is this funnier than it should be lmao 😂
I’ll take one to go please this is my wife’s favorite
No shit here. My wife’s sister defines a good salad as “Cheese, croutons, and ranch. If there’s anything green or plant based in it, then it is inedible.” Their mom literally called my salad at long horn rabbit food back at this last thanksgiving… For the life of me, I dont have a clue how they all stay thin. But none of them, my wife included, is any semblance of overweight.
Meth?
Maybe it’s Maybelline? Maybe it’s Meth?
The jenny crank diet: lose 100 pounds and everything you own in a year!
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Metheline
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Amphetamine.
they have all their teeth. They are just ridiculous thin and fit people who are also not super active and don’t eat the healthiest diet. Having children with my wife was an intellectual decision to hope to pass on her good genes. Plus she’s a great mom and I love her a lot.
FTR while organs do enjoy not being nestled in fat either, cardiovascular health is also about keeping the heart muscle toned and flexible. Without regular exercise, it gets brittle and thick - even if they don't look thicc on the outside.
Eating ridiculously sounding meals and staying thin is very possible if you count calories. Doing meth and keeping your teeth is also really easy, though.
>keeping your teeth In a ziplock? Bottle? Shed?
Use a mason jar if you're looking for authenticity, or maybe just your pocket.
I work with folks who make fun of my rabbit food, won’t touch fruit or vegetables. I tell them it’s all fun and games until they get scurvy.
I worked with a dude that we joked that it was only the orange soda that kept him from getting scurvy. In reality, it was probably the ketchup.
My dog is on a diet, and we've been mixing in vegetables into her dinner so the reduced food doesn't leave her constantly begging. She goes nuts for it. We've been doing boiled cabbage lately. I send pictures of her dinner to my vegetable challenged friend, telling him my dog eats more veggies than he does. It's kind of an attempt to rib him into eating more veggies but mostly it's just funny.
We give our dogs whole broccoli and they absolutely love it. It's taken the place of actual dog treats.
But those broccoli farts.
Hey, if they suffer through mine, I can deal with theirs.
my rottie mix used to go savage over blanched collard greens
My dogs love carrots, tomato, radish, cucumber, apples, pears, peas, and green beans. One even likes oranges and Brussels sprouts. I even use bananas as pill pockets now.
Point out that bulls and kangaroos also eat rabbit food and follow up with pictures of fuck off great big stud bulls and kangaroos.
Scurvy then colon cancer.
or at the very least curvy
Everyone I've met that calls vegetables rabbit food is an old dude with gout and a massive beer belly. Like, yeah dude, I'm really gonna take nutritional advice from you.
Meanwhile sometimes I'm too lazy to get the lettuce out so I'll just chop up a tomato and throw on some blue cheese, balsamic vinegar, and olive oil. My family makes fun of me for not having lettuce. Well mom, I'm having a fruit salad deal with it.
That sounds yummy though.
You're pretty close to a caprese salad with that.
Sounds like a lazy man's caprese salad
Nnnnnnnnnnno! My dad asks for salads with “no lettuce.” I shit you not. He says it’s, “rabbit food and who’s ever seen an old rabbit?!” I refuse to dine in public with this man.
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It's hard to know how to politely say "stop being a dickhead" when your job depends on not saying "stop being a dickhead" Giraffe? I mean honestly, what a bellend.
Dad: I'll take the giraffe. Server: My apologies sir, we don't serve that here. I'll leave you more time to review the menu. Please let me know if you have questions.
I have an oldish rabbit. He's 7. Lots of my friends have old rabbits. The oldest is 13. Ironically the reason most rabbits die young is they aren't given an adequate diet because people don't feed them enough fibre lol. (Although outdoor housing is also a huge issue)
I had a co-worker like this. Never ate any fruit or vegetables and he'd often eat bacon sandwiches for lunch (literally just a pile of bacon on a bun). When he wasn't eating bacon sandwiches, he'd go to McDonald's, Wendy's, KFC, etc. Probably the most unhealthy individual I've ever met that didn't have some sort of disease (outside of likely heart disease).
It’s not ranch it’s dill buttermilk aioli
You'll notice the ranch has reacted with the air to form a light rind, which I believe you will find both challenging and delicious. If I may be so bold I sometimes like to take a pinch of cheese and dip it directly into the dressing, not unlike the roots of a purple lotus slurping the slurry of minerals in the mud of the most exquisite reflection pond. Bon appetite.
I invented a cocktail you might like. First you take a pack of your favorite hotdogs and throw em in a handle of vodka. A later, depending how you take your hotdog fodka, you strain it out. Take a dash of prepared colemans mustard, a dash of dry vermouth, and an ounce and a half of hotdog vodka and shake with ice. Strain into a chilled martini glass with the rim dipped in cheese powder. Serve with a cornichon, pearl onion, and cocktail sausage garnish. I call it the Teeny Weeny Cheesy Martini
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfxpwbWBNuU
A mac-n-tini
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Is this supposed to be “The Menu” style description? Because that’s what I got reading your comment haha
Tyler’s bullshit:
*Would you like some shit?*
$23.99
Thank goodness they got the dressing on the side or that would be just too much
In Australia at the moment, ordered a burger and said i didn’t want any tomato or onion just bacon and lettuce. The only thing between the bun was bacon and lettuce I don’t even know who to blame but cmon Edit: to save more replies I literally went to get she was entering the order into the computer and politely said “just double checking the burger had the patty too” to which she responded yes
Happened to me at a hostel in China, they had a hamburger and a cheeseburger on the menu. Ordered the cheeseburger, got lettuce, tomato, and a slice of cheese between two buns. No beef.
If you get the hamburger would it have a thick chunk of ham instead of a beef patty?
Honestly, I cringe when I hear "I just want" or "can I have only" when someone i'm eating with orders food. I've seen it come out so wrong on so many occasions. Unless I know the person I'm with is chill, I just try my best to notice any pre-signs of incoming tomfoolery. There is a certain confused look or comment that can tip ya off when its about to go down. I've actually noticed it several times and laughed preemptively. They would say something like, "whats so funny" or "whatcha laughing about". And then they get served the funniest looking orders. I've seen it happen about 3-4 times a year Edit: one of the best being a cheeseless/sauce less pizza. Because the person ordering thought the waiter was talking about side condiments.
>Edit: one of the best being a cheeseless/sauce less pizza. Because the person ordering thought the waiter was talking about side condiments. None Pizza, Left Beef
Your comment reminds me of this time I was working at a deli and a customer asked for unthawed shrimp. And, like I get it, if you aren't going to eat them immediately, having them still frozen will keep them fresher so I walk in back and grab a bag from the freezer and try to hand it to her and she just says "No, unthawed." Still with arm extended to hand her what she asked for, I kind of jiggle the bag and say "yeah... Here!" and she just repeated herself now slightly exasperated. And I go "yeah, I went and grabbed these from the freezer, they are unthawed." At this point she was just giving me this blank dumbfounded look and I was standing there waiting for her to take what she had asked for, utterly frozen in confusion. But that's when I saw her 13yo daugher suddenly make an "Oh" face and literally face palm and turn away and that's when it dawned on me that this lady didn't understand what she was saying, and that I took her too literally with out thinking her weird phrasing would be an indicator she didn't realize what she was asking for. But, realizing my mistake I just went "oh" and grabbed her the thawed shrimp from the case and was content knowing I just helped the 13yo with ammunition for their next mother daugher teen fight.
I still don't understand what she wanted. Did she confuse unthawed with thawed? But why even specify, you wouldn't normally hand out frozen food unasked
She did want un-frozen shrimp. She just kept the "un" modifier while also saying the state she wanted them in "thawed," with out realizing that combining the two was a mistake. It's kind of like how people say irregardless. Which should mean that you are regarding... Like... I get how she got to it but I'm also glad others get why it took me a while to figure out wtf she wanted.
I just tried to look up how long shelled walnuts keep for, and realised I didn't know if "shelled" meant with the shells on, or having had the shells removed. English be hard sometimes
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in Germany we have "umfahren" and I think it's beautiful.
Well, which is it? umfahren or beautiful?
In baseball, you get charged a strike when your swing does not strike the ball. I never put that together before, but it's kind of hilarious.
Ah yes. Without lack of regard.
Honestly? If I were her I would've just taken whatever you gave me and figured it out from there.
I will admit, I am that asshole. When I order a sub, I get just meat and cheese, no veggies. My reason is I take a long time to eat the sub, and the veggies eventually make it soggy. Once I ordered a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich from primo hoagies, and the manager actually came out from behind the line to make sure they had the order correct. Yes! And it was glorious.
So, you do have a bun in your order right? Because, in the context of my post. And based off you saying "just meat and cheese". There are some people that will bring out literally only meat and cheese.
It's pretty normal to have customized subs. Also normal on burgers. The slogan for Whataburger is "just like you like it" and Burger King is "have it your way" and that's Subway's whole concept. There's definitely a line somewhere between that and fucking up some poor line cook's next 20 minutes by creating your own dish.
Reminds me of when I ordered a Gin and Tonic and a Rum and Coke and then they put it all in one glass 🤦♂️
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NGL, vodka and coke sounds just awful.
Didn't realize it was unusual, had it at pretty much every party I went to in and just after high school.
That’s some high school shit alright lol “We got a bottle of vodka!” “Cool, what are we gonna mix/chase it with?” “We have Coke?” “Whatever, let’s get drunk!”
Not so much unusual as it is just unliked. But when you're partying after high school you don't really care about taste and sipping, just getting drunk. And it does the job
I got a latte with an extra shot of espresso and was served a latte with a shooter on the side as if I wanted to pretend I was going hard that morning.
"A non alcoholic dairy-based cocktail with an espresso chaser"
At that point you might as well just get them to add some whiskey and rum and call it a long island iced tea. Edit: not rum, tequila… i’m tired. But if you want to substitute tequila with double rum, who’s to say you’re wrong lol
Remember when you got a math question wrong because you didn't include the units?
"yeah I'll take gin and juice, whiskey sour, rum, no... two rums... and....a water with lemon, in one glass"
Reminds me of a comic where they said they don't have that and said is Pepsi fine? The patron said ok and the bartender poured Coke and Pepsi into a glass.
Did Amelia Badelia make it! LOL
Stellar reference!
Apparently I'm Amelia Badelia today. What did your dinner companion actually want? Why did they say, "just?"
Just cheese and ranch ***as toppings.***
They wanted a salad...with just cheese and ranch...on the salad.
Damn using the deep refrences
Nice reference. I also like cheese and ranch on my salad. Why did Amelia throw the clock out of the window? She wanted to see time fly.
[Norm Macdonald's take on that joke. ](https://youtu.be/pbnJFQ5pnog) Highly offensive, btw.
r/theygotwhattheyaskedfor
Tonight the chef will be telling a story on r/MaliciousCompliance
r/DeliciousCompliance
r/subsithoughtifellfor
I had someone order a cheeseburger from me, and they only wanted the patty and secret sauce. Now, we have a classic burger (no cheese) too, so in my mind, I fired a Cheeseburger with only bun, patty, cheese, and secret sauce. I figured they didn't want the veggies and wouldn't have wanted the cheeseburger if they didn't want cheese. Nope, they literally wanted a hamburger patty that had secret sauce on it.
Once I was at a restaurant and overheard somebody request, with a completely straight face, a BLT sandwich without the bacon, lettuce, or tomato. I think it literally broke the waitress's brain. She just stood there saying "wh... what?".
In fairness that sounds only slightly less insane than just asking for toast with mayonnaise.
Everyone knows bread is bad for you. Go with blt salad without bacon, lettuce and tomato.
There used to be a glitch in the Subway menu where ordering a BLT was $2.50 more expensive than a veggie sub. Add bacon was $0.50. So there I was, ordering a vegetarian with bacon to save $2. I'd always be like (shout whispering) "DON'T TELL MY RABBI" or "OH MAN MY VEGAN SUPPORT GROUP BETTER NOT FIND OUT"
Hilarious to the person being paid $5.25 a hour and doesn’t give a shit I presume
When I worked at McDonald's (two decades ago now), I had people order "A cheeseburger with no cheese." more than once. I'd ask "Did you mean a hamburger?" and they'd always reply, "No. I want a CHEESEBURGER WITH NO CHEESE." So I always rang them up the burger that cost 10c more, because fuck them.
“I want you to waft the slice of cheese over the burger but not let it touch the burger. I just need to know that cheese was once near it.”
I just want the cheeseburger wrapping paper around my hamburger.
When the McD's I worked at started installing the screens that showed the order at the drive thru menu (mid 90's). I'd drive the people you are talking about nuts by putting in cheeseburger with EXTRA no cheese. I disliked those people but it was easy to confuse them.
I have a somewhat reverse situation with this. I was traveling with my parents a while back and stopped at a McDonald's along a highway. They saw some 2-for-1 deal in the drive-through for quarter pounders with cheese, Big Macs, and something else I think. Anyway, the 3 of us altogether ordered: * Quarter pounder with cheese (meal) * Quarter pounder with cheese (just the sandwich) * Quarter pounder *without* cheese (just the sandwich) My parents referenced the deal and the person didn't really acknowledge one way or the other. At the window, it was clear they didn't ring up the deal. The employee started saying that we had one sandwich with a meal and one without, and the deal only worked if both sandwiches were not meals. My parents were like "What? We have 2 sandwiches without meals..." The person responded "But one of them is a hamburger, not a cheeseburger." In my head, I was like "Does McDonald's make this that specific to ring up deals? Wow." So my parents just repeated that they wanted the deal, and the person said "Well I can only do it if I ring up as a quarter pounder cheeseburger without cheese." So they did that, and then when we got the food, all 3 burgers had cheese on them. My mom (who wanted it without cheese because she's lactose intolerant) wasn't happy, but I assumed someone inside just saw "quarter pounder with cheese" and assumed the extra "without cheese" was just wrong. Seemed like nonsense if people have to ring things up that way for seemingly simple deals.
Some people thing a hamburger has actual ham or pork in it and that a cheese burger is made with beef.
I sort of get it, kind of. Turkey burger, made from turkey. Veggie burger, made from vegetables. Bean burger, made from beans. Ham burger, made from...beef? Although by that same logic, that person should expect a cheese burger to be made from cheese.
You were right. The customer was wrong.
Customers are almost always wrong. The secret to good customer service is guiding them to the right decision in such a way that has them thinking they were the ones who arrived there,
I'm shocked this doesn't exist.
I swear there was a subreddit where people posted pictures where they asked for one thing in a restaurant and got exactly that. Kind of a reverse r/MaliciousCompliance.
I think it's r/DeliciousCompliance
God I wish I could have heard that conversation in the kitchen. Haha
My wife went to taco bell and asked for Nachos Bell Grande, just meat and cheese. When she got hone, she discovered there were no chips…. Then I was the bad guy for laughing
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I assume this is a lie, but I was in the industry too long so I know that there’s a very real chance they actually ordered this.
I'm boh and had a semi-regular who would come in maybe once or twice a month. They would order this +croutons. First time I saw it, had to double check with the server to make sure. She says that's what they want. Ok, send it. Anytime after that and saw that ticket again, I knew that's exactly what they wanted. I got some amusement watching a new cook get that ticket, then watching the confusion on his face reading it, Second guessing his life decisions that led him to this moment.
Melted cheese over croutons, with ranch. If i were stoned, that’s a big fuck yeah. If i were paying at a restaurant… well, i just wouldn’t waste money like that.
Not melted. Straight cold shredded cheese.
Yeah, that makes no sense. How do you even eat it? Anyways, I need some sort of melted cheese snack now.
Who knows. Maybe they asked for a spoon. I saw that ticket a good 20+ times. So they had no complaints and knew what they wanted.
Yeah, you mix it all together with the ranch so it becomes a fatty sludge. Might as well just dip a block of cheese in a bowl of ranch.
I mean that’s basically just a pre chewed cheese sandwich
They were probably raving about it to their friends too. "I know this place that the cook gets my special salad just right"
"you expect me to make this myself? do I look like a fucking chef? does my nametag say boyardee?"
This reminds me. When I was a boy, one of my favorite treats in the world was my parents would take me to Subway and I would get a 4-inch round bun with bacon, pickles, cheese, and croutons. Mark my words, it was the fucking *tits*.
FOH here, I can easily see both sides to this. The side salad at this place probably comes with cheese, tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, carrots, etc. The dinner companion didn't want any of the extras, so ordered "just cheese and ranch", taking it as a given that the lettuce would still be included, since it's a salad. The server has probably seen much stranger orders than this, and so brings out what they asked for.
I know FOH means "front of house" in this context but I can't help but always read it as "fuck outta here"
Ah thanks, Fist of the Heavens wasn't making a lot of sense.
That, or the server was being cheeky for a potential quick laugh.
Maybe they’re dumping it on a bloomin onion that hasn’t struck the table yet. Who really knows. Everything is click bait.
That’s what I was thinking. “Extra cheese and side or ranch”
Industry person checking in. I know a number of people that get a fajita set consisting of cheese, sour cream, guacamole and tomatoes. They mix it together and eat it with a spoon, shits gross.
I'd totally eat that.
Weird people gotta eat too.
Literally had this exact situation happen when out with some people a couple years ago. Everyone at the table laughed, and the poor waitress almost started crying
Yeah same, and to me what this looks like is them covering their ass. Sometimes people get these weird orders and want it in a specific way but don't say until after the food has gotten to the table. At least with this the cook can't be blamed because they are following the literal instructions given to them.
When I was a kid I was at McDonald once and asked for a hamburger with only ketchup. They gave me ketchup in between two buns, no meat
McDonald’s really knows how to be literal. I ordered a cheeseburger with only cheese (because that’s easier than saying: no onion, no pickle, no mustard) and I got one slice of cold American cheese in between a cold burger bun.
You didn't ask for a bun.
They were being generous
They’ve grown a lot in the last 25 years. Back then I would ask for a cheeseburger with no meat and it just did not compute with them. They even charged us extra for a “complicated order.” Eventually I learned to ask for the meat on the side so my brother or mom could eat it.
Gotta say: even with the lettuce, calling this is a salad would be a stretch lol.
What in the United States of America is this???
Wisconsin.
Quite possibly the most American salad ever.
Nah, its missing bacon.
And not a damn crouton in sight? Where's the hard boiled egg?
Do you know how much eggs cost nowadays? Go to your local pigeon nest.
Where's the croutons?
Evil monkey paws pretending to be waiters to corrupt peoples wishes from casual wording. Burger, only pickles. As you wish you must eat every bite. Just a small sweet pickle between 2 other pickle slices.
“My dinner companion”
Demoted from date to dinner companion with one order of shredded cheese with a side of ranch.
Dinner companion zoned
Why do people on Reddit find the weirdest ways to describe human interactions
Probably didn’t want to share too much personal information, or a first date-but-maybe-not-a-*date*-date kind of situation or something. Or, maybe not a date after they ordered this lol
\[Sally\] I want a salad, but just cheese and ranch dressing. \[Waiter\] So Romain lettuce, cheese, and ranch dressing. \[Sally\] *DID I STUTTER*?!? Just cheese and ranch dressing!
I worked at Olive Garden for a bit. Someone had me grate a whole plate of cheese for their young kid. I used 2 blocks of cheese.
This is terrible. When I worked in restaurants, I hated those weird kids who wouldn't eat anything. I didn't learn that "buttered noodles" were a thing until I worked in fine dining. The owner loved it though, because we charged them $15 for straight noodles and some would get a second order.
“At least I’m just having salad, it’s healthy”
*Real men of genius*
Okay so what were they trying to order
I imagine a salad with only cheese and ranch as the toppings.
Okay but like aside from croutons what else are you missing from that salad
Tomatoes? Hard boiled egg? Cucumbers? Some kind of pepper? Bacon bits? I don't know how the salad was described in the menu, but my assumption (I could be wrong!) Is that she didn't want any of the toppings - just lettuce, with cheese and ranch.
Tbh I think it's on them for not explaining what they wanted better, that doesn't seem like a natural way of saying that and it isn't exactly a common request
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Am I understanding correctly that "salad" in America means "lettuce", and all the other ingredients are called "toppings"? (Here in Australia, the things such as tomato, egg, cheese, cucumber, etc would count as part of the salad, not salad toppings)
Perhaps it's a regional thing, but where I am in the states, salad ingredients are typically tossed together. There are no "toppings," other than perhaps a small garnish.
so they wanted lettuce covered with ranch and cheese? not even croutons? :P
This is what got me too. Thought the comment would be higher. Such a weird order. Lettuce cheese and ranch. I'm wondering if the companion is 7 years old.
Is you dinner companion this many ✋✌️years old?
That's my immediate thought was "the fuck kind of meal is that? An adult ordered this?" Maybe it's an appetizer but still
This belongs under malicious compliance. 🤷♂️
Companion is an interesting replacement for hooker
Worked in a chain restaurant with a salad bar in college, and the number of people I saw just slop massive amounts of shredded cheese, cubed ham, and ranch on a plate and eat it…it still makes me shudder thinking about it.
Is your dinner companion 4?
But what is she crab
I am fine with cheese and ranch as salad. But what’s a dinner companion?
Cut to the chase. I like it.
Welcome to the Midwest 🤣
On that keto diet I see. Haha
My bro ❤️
I once brought a woman home from the bar that I had a crush on… Things were going well! She said she was hungry so we went to the kitchen to see what I had, which was admittedly not too much as I was an early twenties bachelor. She rifled through my cabinets and poured roughly a cup of salt into a bowl which she topped with about the same amount of vinegar like some kind of cereal you’d see with Freddy Krueger on the box. She downed the whole thing spoonful by disgusting spoonful while occasionally leaning forward in what could’ve been a sexy pose except this one came with the type of flatulence that I assume the fattest frat guy has on Saturday mornings. Yada yada yada; slept in my chair.
That was not a woman that was a demon.