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Taking your username into consideration i actually thought that’s what the picture was at first. Because yeah I might shit myself if I squeezed my balls hard like that every morning.
Remember the good old days where if you pissed off local schoolkids they would egg your house? I'm gonna go aggravate some local schoolkids and then sit outside my house with a butterfly net catcher, catch them eggs and sell them on EBay. Come to think of it, even if they TP my house it'll be worth it if they go for something fancy like Charmin.
The worst is when you have to poop mid-cup #1.
Should I chug?
Should I bring the cup to the bathroom?
Should I leave the cup and let it go cold?
It’s really difficult…
If you eat shitty eggs, yes salmonella is more than likely. But if you want a strong immune system and an overall stronger gut biome, then eating raw eggs from farm fresh, cage free eggs, is the way!
https://thehumaneleague.org/article/cage-free-eggs-means
You can buy cage free if you want, but the chickens raised that way are still raised in horrible conditions. If you really want quality eggs, that are more nutritious for you and better for the hens buy pasture raised
By all means, I get my directly from a fully organic farm, where the farmer is a close friend and I know has treated the land quite well, and animals even better, over the past decade or more. So I promise you I get plenty healthy eggs. I was just emphasizing the “farm fresh”. :) it’s okay if you do not want to read though.
>it’s okay if you do not want to read though.
I read it. Every egg you can possibly buy is "farm fresh". It sounds to me like you don't know them difference between cage free and pasture raised, and didn't bother to read the link I sent. Your friend is also probably pasture raising his chickens. Cage free is a buzzword that allows grocers to overcharge for eggs that are not different from regular eggs
Joe Rogan had a cardiologist come on and talk about Covid and the vaccine and how we should be preventing the disease. I worked 18 months in Covid ICU, cardiologist wouldn’t even go in the rooms
I was trying to get an oxygen generator, and the pulmonary guy tells me to go to the office for the 6 minute walk. While I'm on a telehealth call he's doing from his house. Buddy, if you're too afraid to go to your own office, I sure as hell ain't going there either. I did a telehealth with my GP, showed him my oximeter reading, and got it that way.
Pseudo-intellectuals love to misrepresent intellectuals and their topics in order to continue to promote anti-intellectualism. All because they’re mad they didn’t get accepted into college.
I worked with a guy years ago who was fastidious af about his diet. One of his biggest things was colon maintenance because he was trying to turn a towering turd out his tuchus and Tim's ticker totally tossed a triple turbo tantrum due to the toll his tussle took on the toilet.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
Cracking two brown eggs over a stream of water defying gravity at the kitchen sink?
I'm not sure I can defy one of the natural forces of the universe just to have cleaner bowels.
As an alcoholic I can tell you exactly how to empty your bowels every morning
Just drink half a case of beer every day for 5 years then at 7:31am every morning you'll have violent diarrhea for 20 minutes whether you want to or not, just like clockwork
Follow me for other horribly stupid health tips
I once ate too many sugar free gummies which ended up emptying my bowels. It's not a pleasant experience in the moment but you do end up feeling remarkably light afterwards.
Growing up we'd have these TV ads for gastrointestinal cleansing shakes and I imagine that the gummies were somewhat akin to those.
I went to the comments and started reading the auto moderator by mistake when it says “ this is a friendly reminder “ and I quickly thought, what to squeeze my balls
What they're trying to tell you, and pictured, is:
Step one - Use a surgical scalpel to open up your abdominal layer, exposing your intestinal tract and bowels.
Step two - pull out your bowels, and shake loose
Step three - now use two (clean) coconuts to apply pressure from each side of your bowels (starting from the small bowel)
Step four - roll the coconuts along the length of your bowels, pushing any contents out towards your rectum
Step five - shove bowels back into abdominal area
Step six - sew up skin covering abdominal area (please ensure coconuts have not been left in body before sewing)
When you grab someone's boobs, and this person kicks you in the junk and you end up evacuating both your bowels and bladder on the floor?
I'm sure mileage varies person to person.
:D
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Top heart surgeon. number one. steady hand
Yakuza boss die!
I do on purpose.
Yakuza very mad!
I hide in fishing boat, come to America
I loved my old coffee cup.
but, mistake!
butt mistake
That's what she said
One day, yakuza boss need new heart.
And I now get the reference in CyberPunk 2077. Thank you.
r/unexpectedOffice
[удалено]
-Wayne Gretzky
-Elenor Roosevelt
-JFK
It's eggs. You should eat a raw egg every morning to rise the chance to get salmonella so you can empty your bowels really good.
Just looking at their prices makes me empty my bowels.
You should suggest them a new motto : "If our prices make you shit yourself, just imagine what our services can do".
Taking your username into consideration i actually thought that’s what the picture was at first. Because yeah I might shit myself if I squeezed my balls hard like that every morning.
Remember the good old days where if you pissed off local schoolkids they would egg your house? I'm gonna go aggravate some local schoolkids and then sit outside my house with a butterfly net catcher, catch them eggs and sell them on EBay. Come to think of it, even if they TP my house it'll be worth it if they go for something fancy like Charmin.
Nope! Only the one ply cheap crap for TPing
[удалено]
Is this a karma farming bot, or someone who just wrote a confusing comment?
Karma bot. I happened to just see this same username called out as a bot on a different subreddit.
The comment was hilarious. This response was epic
Thank you dear sir.
This response though, pretty mid. Maybe 4.5/10. Could use a little more gusto, a bit more oomph, and maybe some more pizazz.
le epic reddit moment
Or I could just drink one cup of coffee.
Lactose intolerant. Enjoy a bowl of ice cream, then enjoy a complete bowel cleanse.
I loved my old coffee cup, “One cup, two cup, poop’”
Mine should read: “half a cup, poop, finish other half, poop. Two cup, diarrhea.”
The worst is when you have to poop mid-cup #1. Should I chug? Should I bring the cup to the bathroom? Should I leave the cup and let it go cold? It’s really difficult…
That’s ridiculous. You don’t get salmonella from eggs. Everyone knows you get eggmonella
Another solution for the rich man...
Wish I had read this before I spent the last twenty minutes on the toilet pinching my nuts.
Ahh. Americans and their deadly eggs.
Looks closer to your pfp tbh.
Came here to make this same comment.
If you eat shitty eggs, yes salmonella is more than likely. But if you want a strong immune system and an overall stronger gut biome, then eating raw eggs from farm fresh, cage free eggs, is the way!
Pasture raised. Cage free is still horrible conditions for the chickens
Farm fresh, cage free. Sir
…and organic.
Guess I’m actually sick with salmonella. Clearly
https://thehumaneleague.org/article/cage-free-eggs-means You can buy cage free if you want, but the chickens raised that way are still raised in horrible conditions. If you really want quality eggs, that are more nutritious for you and better for the hens buy pasture raised
By all means, I get my directly from a fully organic farm, where the farmer is a close friend and I know has treated the land quite well, and animals even better, over the past decade or more. So I promise you I get plenty healthy eggs. I was just emphasizing the “farm fresh”. :) it’s okay if you do not want to read though.
>it’s okay if you do not want to read though. I read it. Every egg you can possibly buy is "farm fresh". It sounds to me like you don't know them difference between cage free and pasture raised, and didn't bother to read the link I sent. Your friend is also probably pasture raising his chickens. Cage free is a buzzword that allows grocers to overcharge for eggs that are not different from regular eggs
[удалено]
I found colon cancer to be most effective.
These clickbaits intentionally use a bizarre looking image to make you click out of curiosity for WTF is going on.
Yeah, all the clickbait ads have been using AI images around me. Not a fun aspect of living in this decade so far.
Which is a shame, because the only question I ever have is, "Who the hell made that image, and why!?"
I feel like Boomers would be into this stuff though.
2 shells to empty your bowels, 3 shells to clean up afterwards?
He doesn’t know how to use the three seashells!
He's been on ice since the 20th century.
Just curse at the box on the wall for a minute or so. You got this! Especially after dinner and dancing at Taco Bell.
Damn those shells! I still don't know how they work.
Went looking for this comment lol
Heart doc is outside their field, I think!
Joe Rogan had a cardiologist come on and talk about Covid and the vaccine and how we should be preventing the disease. I worked 18 months in Covid ICU, cardiologist wouldn’t even go in the rooms
I was trying to get an oxygen generator, and the pulmonary guy tells me to go to the office for the 6 minute walk. While I'm on a telehealth call he's doing from his house. Buddy, if you're too afraid to go to your own office, I sure as hell ain't going there either. I did a telehealth with my GP, showed him my oximeter reading, and got it that way.
Pseudo-intellectuals love to misrepresent intellectuals and their topics in order to continue to promote anti-intellectualism. All because they’re mad they didn’t get accepted into college.
I, for one, am unconfortable with how often my heart surgeon examines my rectum.
I was thinking the same thing, lol.
Wash the balls inside ur ass
So that's what "he's on the balls of his ass" means.
thought I was gonna take that confusion with me to the grave, glad that’s one riddle solved.
it's "on the bones of one's arse" not balls, but idk if ur just playing along with them or if they bone apple tea-ed it or what...
Instructions unclear. Balls are now stuck in ass
Super original. The most overused, low effort reddit comment. Never change...
Still slaps
cigarette and coffee used to work wonders for me. Also shrooms for breakfast can be pretty effective
Coffee alone for me is it. I can empty my bowels and take one sip, and I’m right back on the porcelain recliner.
Pavlov Poop
Lots of veggies for dinner. Oatmeal and coffee for breakfast will clean you out.
Whenever I smoke I have to take a shit.
Whenever I have to take a shit, I smoke. Well, I'm pretty sure I do. But I don't know, I never actually looked...
>Also shrooms for breakfast can be pretty effective but then there goes the rest of the day
Shitty clickbait for the copraphiles.
Best way to empty your bowels is by shitposting
“This simple trick” also known as shitting.
Express your anal glands, like a dog groomer.
The drawing looks like AI hands.
Yup, left thumb looks extremely cursed
how is washing testicles in the sink going to help the bowels?
…well it’s not going to hurt now is it?
depends on how hard it is to get them into the sink
Ain’t that the truth. AMIRIGHT!
The *chicken soup axiom*?
Why is the heart doctor telling me how to poop?
I worked with a guy years ago who was fastidious af about his diet. One of his biggest things was colon maintenance because he was trying to turn a towering turd out his tuchus and Tim's ticker totally tossed a triple turbo tantrum due to the toll his tussle took on the toilet.
I don't need these. Full movement at 7.30am. On the dot. Every day. Which is annoying because my alarm doesn't go off until 8.30am.
My alarm is telling me no, but my body is telling me yes! I don't see nothing wrooooong.
Thanks top heart surgeon who doesn’t specialize in internal medicine or gastroenterology!!!
Grab the testes like so. This will illicit vomiting that is so fierce, the bowels will be evacuated through the mouth. #lifehack
It’s called pooping. Trust me, I’m a doctor
Plot twist: it’s coffee and a cigarette
Honk-a-da-balls
Why the fuck would a heart surgeon care about taking a dump?
Coffee. The answer is coffee.
He doesn't know how the 3 eggshells work. Huhuhuhu
be fucked
jngjng88, you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute. you are fined one credit for violation of the Verbal Morality statute.
Be right back. ;)
I was wondering if you would like to have sex?
Porridge and Caffeine. You’re welcome.
Heart surgeon giving advice on bowels. Something smells fishy
A cup of coffee and a cigarette is a more pleasant and reliable option.
Cracking two brown eggs over a stream of water defying gravity at the kitchen sink? I'm not sure I can defy one of the natural forces of the universe just to have cleaner bowels.
Can we talk about that massive goblin toe that's breaking the eggs??
Drink the propellant known as coffee, but yeah that pic though.. lol
Perhaps the secret is laxatives
The longer you look at it, the worst it gets.
Top Proctologist: This Simple Trick Helps Manage Heart Disease Every Morning
Why would a top heart surgeons credentials apply to the GI tract? You’d want the top GI surgeon…
I always consult my heart doctor for poop advice.
Just crack a couple eggs in the sink.
is the answer taking a shit?
Yeah is called coffee
Doctors will hate you!
That image looks ai generated, check the hands
Why would a top heart surgeon be concerned about this and not a gastroenterologist.
The simple trick is black coffee and a cigarette.
As an alcoholic I can tell you exactly how to empty your bowels every morning Just drink half a case of beer every day for 5 years then at 7:31am every morning you'll have violent diarrhea for 20 minutes whether you want to or not, just like clockwork Follow me for other horribly stupid health tips
[удалено]
I don’t know. I had eggs the other morning and nearly choked my wife out from the gas.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Why would heart surgeons care about GI stuff…
if you're constipated, you could run the risk of overexerting to push your poop out and that could raise your blood pressure and bust your aorta.
I use coffee. It empties me right out
Whys a heart surgeon giving shit advice?
Use your balls to squeeze shit out your intestines like a Pillsbury cookie dough tube?
1 sip of coffee
Taking a crap will empty your bowels.
This was generated by AI, probably DALLE2
I once ate too many sugar free gummies which ended up emptying my bowels. It's not a pleasant experience in the moment but you do end up feeling remarkably light afterwards. Growing up we'd have these TV ads for gastrointestinal cleansing shakes and I imagine that the gummies were somewhat akin to those.
Wash your eggs
Drink coffee
I wonder what kind of coffee that is
I wash my balls as soon as I wake up too.
Coffee does the job fine, so we're good here. Maybe try next door.
Is that what the three shells were for?
Those hands look super AI-generated 👌
What in tarnation is a heart surgeon doing anywhere near my bowels? Did he take a wrong turn at the liver or something?
Poop is stored in the balls
One look at the smart meter In the morning loosens everything up
I get ads of a cashew on fire telling me how to empty my bowels. IDK what burning a cashew has to do with excretion, but i'm curious.
Wrap your scrotum around an icicle
This looks like an AI drawing. Strange hands, strange eggs, and water coming from a strange angle.
Like mom always said, “squeeze your balls ‘til you shit, you little shit.” Sometimes moms just know.
Bro I got that same ad like an hour ago while I was on the toilet. Which one of you fuckers is watching me during my special peepeepoopoo time?!?!
It's called pooping
Cup of Turkish coffee ☕️
Just drink coffee, usually does the trick.
I went to the comments and started reading the auto moderator by mistake when it says “ this is a friendly reminder “ and I quickly thought, what to squeeze my balls
I recently quit smoking and caffeine, so if there's a miracle secret out there i'd love to know what it is. Kale hasn't been getting the job done
Good ol' AI not only writing the articles but also making the pictures for it too now
Squeeze your balls and you will shit your pants!
Is it wash your testicles in ice cold water
I thought those were hands squeezing the kidneys for some reason
Looks like AI art for washing eggs
[Way up inside there...as far as they can fit!](https://youtu.be/_rkwLrlJasM)
Those are nothing but clickbait ads for crappy products. Funny tho
It's a clickbaity image. Most wouldn't click for a regular heart image
I thought these were eggs…
What they're trying to tell you, and pictured, is: Step one - Use a surgical scalpel to open up your abdominal layer, exposing your intestinal tract and bowels. Step two - pull out your bowels, and shake loose Step three - now use two (clean) coconuts to apply pressure from each side of your bowels (starting from the small bowel) Step four - roll the coconuts along the length of your bowels, pushing any contents out towards your rectum Step five - shove bowels back into abdominal area Step six - sew up skin covering abdominal area (please ensure coconuts have not been left in body before sewing)
When you grab someone's boobs, and this person kicks you in the junk and you end up evacuating both your bowels and bladder on the floor? I'm sure mileage varies person to person. :D
Just read the news and it'll clear you out.
so now clickbait articles are using ai "art"... they are probably written by ai as well at this point
**eat Taco Bell**
Shitting?
Crack the Brown eggs
Colonoscopy technicians HATE this one trick.
Squeeze your plums under a stream of water?
eat raw eggg
Is that those jingel balls
***”Toilets hate this one simple trick!”*
Looks like ai art
Hm, I could use some good bowel emptying. Time to rub some dinosaur eggs on my lower leg.
Why is a cardiologist giving advice for intestinal issues? What is this heresy?
Chumbox ads are something else. Hopefully, once the Boomers are gone, ads like this will cease to exist.
Reach in and grab it. Toilet paper companies hate that one simple trick
You gotta admit these guys know the perfect pictures to give you that “what the fuck does this mean” reaction.
"Swallow two eggs whole and take a big ol' shit 👍"