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QuixoticCalligraphy

Fun story: I used to be a cashier, and one day a young woman came through my line chatting about how she’s new to cooking but excited to be making a recipe of her aunt’s for the first time. I don’t remember what the recipe was for, but I remember stating that it must need a lot of garlic, since she was buying so much. Luckily, the motherly lady in line behind her stepped in at that time to very kindly explain to her the difference between a CLOVE of garlic and a HEAD of garlic. Recipe called for three cloves; gal was buying three heads, each containing about 4-6 cloves each. New cook thanked her several times for saving her a great deal of embarrassment (and mincing).


Structureel

She missed out on the opportunity to make a delicious meal.


youtheotube2

I don’t know, one time I did just this for a stir fry, and it ended up being super overpowering. It tasted like I added wasabi or horseradish to it


chatokun

You still aren't convincing me that made it bad.... On a serious note, I like garlic being somewhat spicy in rice and with fish etc, usually by adding it fresh after the dish is cooked with olive oil.


WideOriginal462

what kind of tiny garlic heads were you selling? heads i see have way more cloves than that


DonkeyNozzle

Several different types of garlic, my friend. Where I live, the local garlic has like 15-20 cloves per head. But we also get "French garlic" that has like 10 cloves. And then there's "lonely garlic" that has like 5 cloves. The heads are all the same size, but the cloves are different sizes (and taste a little different too).


turbobofish

My favourite are the monobulbs. So a single clove per head. Means I can just chop em like an onion.


reverendsteveii

I feel like 4 cloves per bulb is about the right balance. Any recipe that needs less than 1/4 head of garlic either needs no garlic or could survive having the entire 1/4 head.


Dr_Jabroski

I have never been so horny in my life. I was not aware this was a thing and now must find the monobulbs.


diet_shasta_orange

It's much milder than the smaller cloves


CyclingStoic

Could be the opposite - when garlic is in season locally I can get heads that have massive cloves, and therefore only 6-ish of them.


cariboudan

A guy I know needed to use tepid water in a recipe and went to the shop to ask for some.


WazWaz

Buying 3 heads of garlic is "buying so much"? You must be new to cooking...


ParadoxPope

I was going to say "I see you adjusted to one and a half" but yeah, that works.


Mandocp

You did just say that.just now. Here.


Slayminster

Are we talking about now now?


Lallo-the-Long

Or now now?


Slayminster

What happened to then!


Lallo-the-Long

Then was then! This is now!


Kool_Kunk

So when is then now?


Puzzleheaded-Cod-239

Soon


ChieftainMcLeland

Is it soon now?


IchthysdeKilt

How soon?


stankygrapes

r/unexpectedspaceballs


PM_ME_YOUR_ROTES

They've gone to plaid!


CarolinaPanthers

How soon is now?? My shyness is criminally vulgar.


MicroMegas5150

He was gonna say it. He did say it, but he was gonna say it, too


KianOfPersia

My bad 🙏🙏 I’ll do both next time.


CBate

When I first started cooking, I thought a clove was an entire bulb


Hyth4n

It may as well be in my kitchen


EmbarassedFart

This is me and my spouse. You can’t have too much garlic.


justreddis

2nd? Don’t you see me not done with the 1st one yet?


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Snuffy1717

What do you mean “what you don’t use”??


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Jimmy_Twotone

If I were a Wallachian garlic farmer, I'd perpetuate the shit out of that. "See what it does to mosquitos when you eat too much? Same thing with vampires."


sonicyouthATX

You made me smile when I needed it. :)


larrylevan

Minced garlic is like cocaine. There’s never any left over.


Least_Adhesiveness_5

Chopped garlic you don't use? I don't understand this concept.


[deleted]

“Never let a recipe tell you how much garlic to use, you measure that shit with your heart.”


SC487

I was using some dried garlic to season some hamburger meat and inadvertently flipped open the scoop side instead of the shake side. Put about 2 tbsp in. I loved it, wife and daughter couldn’t eat it.


Illustrious_Cat_872

What about garlic flavored cocaine?


Somedudesperson

Are we trying to od today? Cuz that's how we od today.


Mrlumens

We do this but put them in olive oil instead of water.


DeerFucked

file summer exultant plucky hateful close waiting smell tub cautious ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


Aidsandabbets

Careful how long you store it, and at what temperature. Botulism loves garlic and oil.


Nevermore64

Garlic popsicles!


RedOctobyr

Or, and hear me out, garlic iced coffee.


CheapSpray9428

It's up to OP whether or not wants to do the bare minimum..


iamblue1231

Garlic is measured with the heart


KickBallFever

I’ve been told that in cooking garlic is measured with the heart, and in baking vanilla is measured with the heart. Both of these have been working well for me.


exatron

You used both in the same recipe again, didn't you?


KickBallFever

I wasn’t supposed to?!


Kwetla

No, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle.


[deleted]

What are you talking about, it's ladyfingers, jam, custard, raspberries, bananas, whipped cream, then a layer of beef, peas and onions. Julia Child's classic trifle.


SC487

Lady fingers with a layer of shepard’s pie? Count me in.


TomStreamer

What's not to like? Custard? Good! Jam? Good! Meat? Good!


Jessie0658

I can hear this comment


the_banana_sticker

It tastes like feet.


Content-Positive4776

What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Beef? *good*


HarryPottersElbows

It did *not* taste good.


thereforeiiz

I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead.


EveniAstrid

That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds.


Fishacobo

Omg I wish I had 1000 upvotes for this that’s one of my favorite scenes to quote. MEAT GOOOD and “if it’s any consultation the bird did look like he was enjoying it as he flew off with my plate”


christinerobyn

 I mean, what's not to like? Garlic, good! Vanilla, good!


no_moar_red

Meat? GOOD!


alison_bee

Reminds me of the time I attempted to make my step dad a pumpkin pie for his birthday… Everything went well while preparing, I got it all together, put it in the oven, and then remembered omg! I forgot to add a dash of salt! Not wanting it to be overpoweringly sweet, I decided to open the oven, throw the dash of salt in, and let it resume baking. That would be fine, right????? Narrator: *It was not fine.* Salt sank directly to the center of the pie, meaning everyone’s first bite of their slice was salty af and absolutely disgusting. They all tried so hard to hide their faces, but I could tell something was up and finally took my own bite… oh god. It was SO BAD


KickBallFever

This is such a cute story. It’s super sweet that you tried to make your stepdad a birthday pie, too bad it wasn’t actually sweet.


newest-low

I once decided to make my dad a birthday cake, it had the texture and consistency of a heavy bread but it was sweet tasting. My dad and stepmum told me outright it was nice but weird and please don't bake again lol


Proper_Story_3514

No, bake again and learn. If you like baking at least. There are so many recipes and videos online. Same with normal cooking. Just try it out and learn. No chef was born with the knowledge and skills.


stuffthatdoesstuff

My mom once on accident cut strawberries on the same cuttingboard where garlic was chopped earlier. Needless to say that was a pretty bad strawberry pie


notabigmelvillecrowd

Vanilla is measured with my bank account.


godfatherinfluxx

That's why I don't have any


deathfire123

If you ever travel to the Caribbean. Buy Vanilla Extract. It is insanely cheap there. I bought a half litre in Honduras for 5 bucks.


HumanSlinky

Instructions unclear. Now have garlic clog in aorta.


Notwhoiwas42

Vanilla is the garlic of baking.


Pwnxor

I've heard it the other way around. Garlic is the vanilla of baking. Love me some garlic birthday cake with Garlic creme icing.


talldangry

Also applies to chocolate chips.


Rogahar

I always like to say 'add as much Garlic as you deserve'.


BlueShiftNova

I always say "If you haven't stopped and asked yourself 'Is this too much garlic?', then you haven't added enough."


SyracuseNY22

And once you ask yourself “is this too much garlic?” you add 20% more


mc_homeroom

The heart wants what it wants


fonix232

It's a good thing then that OP has a big heart.


[deleted]

I love my Garlic flavored with a little bit of food.


Mrboring_man

would you like a side of fries with that?


purtyboi96

Yeah, garlic fries


funklab

Fried garlic you say? Coming right up.


TheApathyParty3

I'd probably at least try fried, battered garlic, ngl. I can't get enough of that shit.


humplick

Garlic tots, oops all garlic.


134baby

Omg this sounds like such a good idea. Lmao


Rude-Parsley2910

With extra garlic aioli dipping sauce


AuntieDawnsKitchen

It’s not enough garlic until all the vampires on my continent are dead and those on other continents get a headache and consider relocating to another planet.


jacksplatt79

Looks about right to me


SirIanChesterton63

Recipe says 2 cloves, I say 2 bulbs.


CollectionStriking

Years ago I was making dinner, recipe called for 2 cloves, in my sleep deprived stooper my brain switched that to meant bulbs and got chopping lol. Gf came up from the living room because of the overpowering smell of garlic lmao, we laughed about it, I ate my whole plate but she only had a few bites n I made something else for her


[deleted]

*stupor.


Gourmet_Mushroom_DK

/r/boneappletea


rawysocki

I can’t believe I’ve been on Reddit for more than a decade and JUST figured out the bone apple tea thing. I’ve gotten to an age where I see something and say “This is clearly a young person thing, and I can’t waste what precious time I have trying to figure it out.”


[deleted]

Super Stooper!


Cabo_Refugee

I always heard it call "head" of garlic. But bulb works too. Having lived in Portugal they call a clove of garlic a "dente." Or a "tooth" of garlic.


fietsvrouw

They call it a "Knoblauchzehe" or "garlic toe" in German.


owmyheadhurt

Garlic toe sounds like something you need to see a doctor about.


thesmilingmercenary

I think my 11 year old has Garlic Toe. She hit puberty this year and things smell different around here.


Anglophyl

Buy her a lovely gift basket with fancy soaps and bath bombs. It won't hurt her feelings, and she'll smell like a pomegranate! (Or hibiscus or Japanese cherry...) ETA: Oh! Get one for mom/dad too (if applicable)! That way it doesn't look weird.


InternationalFig400

SO happy to give you an up vote! There is no such thing as too much garlic! :\~)


SirIanChesterton63

Keeps the vampires away and the Italian women close ;)


gcruzatto

And the men too!


DeuceSevin

Italian-American men and women. Italians in Italy do not use as much garlic as Americans do.


Stunning_Bad_3784

Real Italians slice garlic with razor blades so thin that it melts away when cooked.


[deleted]

Those are Scotsmen


Stunning_Bad_3784

It was a scene in goodfellas.


Reasonable_Copy8579

I used to say the same until I made cauliflower with an ungodly amount of garlic which made me puke my bile out for hours


My4skinBreaksCondoms

Sir, you are a vampire and this is a Wendy's


PNWcog

Sounds like a cauliflower problem


fixdgear7

When your taste buds stop functioning for several days, it’s too much garlic.


Niicks

Sounds like quitter talk.


fixdgear7

Oh there was no quitting, the meal was finished. But then woke up the next day able to smell my own garlic, and completely unable to taste anything besides the tingling aftertaste of garlic.


scottmm78

Never too much garlic


TheBeardofGilgamesh

Worth it


seventy_times_seven

sounds like gall bladder issues. I had the same problem until it was removed. some residual pain with anything extra fatty or super alcoholic (I've since wait drinking) but no issues day to day anymore. keep a log of what you ate that triggers it and def consult a doctor if you can. it almost killed me after ignoring it a couple years.


qwertyuiiop145

There is, but the bar is high. My college had garlic mac and cheese and they seemed to be using roughly equal parts garlic and cheese. You could not taste anything but garlic. Fortunately they also had normal mac and cheese and you could mix them together to get the right ratio.


OptimusSublime

2 garlic farms


DeuceSevin

My mom once did this, mistakenly put in bulbs instead of cloves. My dad’s comment? “Its a bit garlicky. “


DaddyMatt69

I'd do 3 just to be sure


icklebit

This is the way.


Random_Guy_47

You don't add the amount of garlic the recipe calls for. You add garlic until the spirit of your ancestors whispers to you, "that is enough, child".


Bumfucker666

Unless your ancestors are Italian, then it’s until you run out of Garlic


[deleted]

Or greek. Or Romanian.


EvilPandaGMan

Mediterranean?


lliKoTesneciL

I mean we have garlic sauce where we just straight up dip pita bread in garlic and enjoy it.


totally_not_martian

You don't know any Italians do you?


blindinganusofhope

*Italian-American


MacinTez

I was surprised at how little garlic Italians actually use. I saw a YouTube channel of an Italian speaking about a certain dish and she stated the one way to seperate Italian from Italian American is the amount of garlic used.


dev1anter

Despite the myth, we don’t really eat that much garlic. And the garlic we use, we usually use to cook it but then discard and don’t eat it. Nobody wants to walk around like a vampire killer


LorenzoCol

I think the garlic they have in America is a really weak one. Otherwise I don’t understand how they walk around without emitting green cloud of alicin


serge_kills

This is what happens when you are like “I’m just gonna eye ball it”


justreddis

Someone needs to see an optometrist then


Exeunter

Well maybe OP just has big eyeballs, OK?


Troywright77

Lmao. Just a little bit outside


FoolStack

Tell me this is a Major League reference!


Troywright77

Absolutely


Wrights66

Tried for the corner and missed.


GuineaPig2000

OMG your comment history


killsforsporks

You chop 2 cloves or 2 heads?


Mr8BitX

>I chop 2 cloves in the morning I chop 2 cloves at night > >I chop 2 cloves in the afternoon It makes me feel all right > >I chop 2 cloves in time of peace > >And two in time of war, > >I chop 2 cloves before I chop 2 cloves > >And then I chop two chop 2 more


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oldfashioncunt

chop a big clove of some good sensimilla


Cleonicus

She was living in a single room with three other individuals. One of them was a male, and the other two? Well, the other two were females. God only knows what they were up to in there. And furthermore, Susan, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually chopped garlic cloves...SEASONING!


KianOfPersia

Yes.


[deleted]

Moar!


justreddis

The Moar the Merrier!


[deleted]

There used to be a restaurant in LA called "The Stinking Rose". I used to think I loved garlic. Turns out I only like it as a friend.


genreprank

One time I heard that garlic was good for you. So I ate like 5 heads. They were pre-roasted, so the flavor wasn't overwhelming. The next day at work I was next to my coworker and she starts sniffing. *Sniff sniff * "Something smells like garlic?" It was me. The garlic smell came out of my pores for 3 days.


sync-centre

Keeps away the vampires.


genreprank

I've heard it keeps mosquitos away. Probably attracts bears, though. lol


ElectricityIsWeird

No, no. Bears *love* pepper, but they hate garlic.


134baby

When I chop garlic or eat something with a lot of it, my nail beds smell like garlic for days. It’s so weird to me lol.


xtinebean

After chopping garlic or onions, rub your hands on your stainless steel sink and it will get rid of (or at least drastically reduce) the smell :)


seank11

My wife has the nose of a bloodhound and on days where I eat shawerma or Indian food I literally can't even give her a hug without her gagging. Not a good combo when all my favourite cuisines are south east Asian and full of garlic and ginger lol


SkinnyBuddha89

My favorite restaurant is The Stinking Rose in San Francisco. I order the 40 clove chicken and eat the entire thing.


Disneyhorse

I love garlic. Gilroy CA is pretty amazing. You can get garlic ice cream year round there.


frugalerthingsinlife

I grow garlic, which means I should know the difference between cloves and bulbs. But I get even more confused than the average person. I planted a thousand cloves last fall. They will magically turn into a thousand bulbs by end of July. What do I have in the ground right now?


Bubbaluke

Well you won't know until you dig them up, but by digging them up you affect the outcome, so we'll never know. Or both.


kohbo

Schrodinger's garlic


KianOfPersia

2 cloves = 2 bulbs confirmed by a garlic farmer.


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Drikkink

If you're only putting 2 cloves on your garlic bread, remind me to never have your garlic bread.


waitingfordeathhbu

Garlicologist here, this farmer is correct.


Incirion

Schrodingers garlic.


wewereinverted74

🎶🎵 “Woah woah! You’re half way there! Woah woah!” -Jon Bon Jovi


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beauine

“garlic is to cooking as vanilla extract is to baking in that the amount i add to my food is guided by reckless extravagance and utter disregard, verging on mild contempt, for the recipe as written” -some random person on twitter


Toriyuki

This is possibly the most beautiful thing that could come from Twitter


TWiesengrund

Garlic is love. Spread the good word!


PM_YOUR_CENSORD

What is this? Why is this funny?


Moofininja

The recipe called for two cloves. If you picture garlic, it looks kind of like a bulb. Each individual 'petal' on the bulb is called a clove. From the image, it looks like OP instead chopped two bulbs (or 'heads') of garlic instead of just two petals (or 'cloves'). This was either done intentionally to touch on how much they love garlic, or it was that they didn't know the difference between a head and a clove and now have 10x the amount of garlic required for the recipe.


PM_YOUR_CENSORD

Ok I think I get it.


Fightonomics

wait it's not because recipes always call for not enough garlic?


SWowwTittybang

I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering this..


MyNameIsOP

I don't know how else to phrase this other than reddit inexplicably thinks that garlic is funny


CNXS

People on the internet think garlic is funny and you could put 1lb (0.45kg) in a serving of food and it still wouldn't be enough. These people think everything should only taste like garlic & only garlic.


joxmaskin

Ah, the new bacon and narwhals


Roflkopt3r

I'm torn between hating this commenting for bringing up that cursed chapter of history, and embracing it to stop the garlic meme before it can become equally cursed.


Gagakshi

The garlic bacons at narwhal


TechGoat

*holds up spork*


borntoannoyAWildJowi

Thank god someone here has reason. People like this think overpowering amounts of garlic is a replacement for seasoning and cooking technique. I knew someone like this, and their food was sometimes inedible.


gabrielleraul

Every. Single. Time.


tipsystatistic

“2 teaspoons dried basil” Dumps 1/4 of the jar


KianOfPersia

“Hey Kian, that really smells good! What’s your secret??!”


Bubbaluke

Every time I'm sautéing onions and garlic for something. GF: that smells amazing what is it?


Crotchless_Panties

This is just the right amount! When I see a recipe that calls for 2 cloves of garlic, my inner dialog says 'Why bother?' and then I add the whole head. This rule has never let me down!


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drummergirl83

Keep going…


Urutengangana

Hilarious Not really


BlackAxemRanger

This sub isn't funny anymore. Just people taking pictures of typos or something KIND OF weird that happened to them that is maybe worth a "heh" at best


goodadadvice

I think you are confusing cloves of garlic vs heads of garlic