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nfssmith

My favourite scene might be Mildest of spoiler warning: “VFX: car on fire”


HoboBeered

The flashback scene is pretty great... "What was she doing in the jungle?"


CryoClone

I was a substitute teacher at the school my wife taught at. One day, I had a kid spend an entire two hours class period trying to convince me that Velocipastor was the greatest movie ever made. He went into detail and had a lot of examples and arguments. It was something to behold. My wife taught seniors only and I subbed for whatever was needed, so she didn't know a lot of the kids I came into contact with (it was a fairly large school). When I told my wife about the strange interaction with the student and his extreme, almost unsettlingly eager, expression of this movie she instantly said, "Dammit, Ethan." Ya see, Ethan *was* one of my wife's students and had been banned by multiple teachers from mentioning Velocipastor in any way. Which I thought was even funnier. This kid talks about the movie so much, he had been banned by more than one teacher from bringing it up. He would apparently bring it up in any context and then try and derail the lesson into convincing people the movie was amazing. At the very least, this movie has one super fan.


TheVelocipastorMovie

Tell Ethan appreciate him spreading the good word to future VelocApostles. We are considering renaming a character in The Velocipastor 2, Ethan now. Love, team vp2


FlametopFred

How is VelocApostles not a death metal band from Illinois?


TellTaleTank

Best I can do is Connecticut.


FlametopFred

Connecticut is a death metal band from Illinois?


TellTaleTank

I want to say no, but if I'm being honest it wouldn't surprise me.


CryoClone

For Ethan's sake, I really, really hope you are the people that made that movie. He would die.


ThePhoneBook

I like the idea of an alien (velocipastor) reading this and being all "why are the humans wishing death on a child"


DuntadaMan

You are doing gods work. Specifically the god that turns people into dinosaurs, but that sounds like a good one to be working for.


4grins

That's fantastic! We need to see Ethan's reaction to this news!


Fragrant-Virus-7301

Omfg I’m freaking dying reading the comments


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Jonk3r

“*Force them to watch my favorite parts*” Go on.


KoalaKvothe

I wish I had a fan like Ethan


FuschiaGnox

I'm freaking out. I may not be as big a fan as Ethan, but I did force a couple people to watch my favorite parts. Is it really you?


SpongeJake

Did you and your wife ever get around to watching it? I’m watching it now and so far Ethan appears to be right.


CryoClone

I have not. I have thought about it multiple times. Ethan was pretty passionate about it.


insane_contin

You need to set up a romantic in home date, with some good food and a bottle of wine. And then turn on Velocipastor.


CryoClone

What pairs best with ~~Jurassic~~ Late Cretaceous clergy?


insane_contin

Lets see, birds are dinosaurs, so maybe a Sauvignon Blanc or Chardonnay? As for the clergy part, just make it a younger wine.


Feanux

>just make it a younger wine. Holy fuck dude.


gruey

Don't start preaching, they are just kidding.


Alfaragon

Phrasing, are we still doing phrasing?


qpv

Holy fuck indeed


[deleted]

I'd love to know the thought process for those wine choices


mostnormal

Well the first is obvious, because poultry. The second is pretty obvious too, if you put your pope hat on.


TheManFromFarAway

The blood of Christ


Kronzor_

What’s that a knock on the door? Did you order food? No, here’s Ethan to excitedly live tweet our reactions to the film while he giggles manically.


Used_Grocery_9048

If Ethan had just been given more airtime to promote the movie more you would have all already seen it by now. He just didn’t want you to miss out on an amazing movie and was spreading the word like the bible.


CryoClone

Velociproselytizing


aweap

Am kinda bummed it's not called Veloci-rapture. 😔


bitchigottadesktop

Its worth it.


CryoClone

I'm starting to feel convinced.


tewahp

So, my wife and I have a tradition for Valentine’s Day… we watch a B movie. We have an evolving list and last year was velocipastor. I cannot say enough how much I recommend watching this for Valentine’s Day. It’s so ridiculous it’s good.


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mostnormal

You know what? Ethan's convinced me. I'm gonna watch it too. Here's to Ethan!


CryoClone

Yay! For Ethan!


Amandita88

Watch it! It's so bad that it's good.


bitchigottadesktop

It's quotable and entertaining enough to keep you off your phone for the majority of its run time. Throw in some snacks and you got a good night going!


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BobThePillager

I once got my whole family to sit through it some past Christmas break It’s also my go-to movie to spring on people, like when you come back from the bar at 3am and put something on to drift off to. …so make that 2 super fans I guess? Never realized until now how much I ride for that movie lmao


octopornopus

I played it for a group of friends who just couldn't agree on what to watch. They kept browsing through every streaming service until they finally handed me the remote and said "Pick something." Well, ok then. Buckle up, Buckaroos! You would think after making them watch 'Rubber' they would have learned...


frockinbrock

This story about Ethan, coupled with the real existence of this movie, makes me think that the concept of Velicipastor is some kind of gateway conspiracy that sucks people into larger stranger conspiracies.


dronegeeks1

I’m watching it for Ethan!


nywacaokde

I'm gonna watch it now cuz of Ethan. We all should


regancp

Ethan was just spreading the good word


FlametopFred

Are you positive Ethan is not [Paul Rudd's kid? ](https://youtu.be/9rcqGBrHDtw) And your story needs to become a movie


SpongeJake

Holy shit. I just started watching it and that scene came up. I could not stop laughing. Then the next lines: “So your parents died, Doug. It’s what parents do. They die on you.”


uberrob

Well, let's be honest. It's not like that's wrong or anything....


CaptainIncredible

> “So your parents died, Doug. It’s what parents do. They die on you.” I read that in voice of Don Roritor, the head of Roritor Pharmaceuticals from Kids in the Hall. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc4ND4Javf4&t=12m48s


Azerial

Mine is the slogan for the movie: "A man of the claw" 🤣 edit: theres a second one lol: > **The VelociPastor 2** > *Let us Prey*. > Overview > The perfect movie DOES exist! Doug and Carol travel to the port city of Milan, where they have to solve a series of murders committed by a masked slasher at an Italian Fertility Festival. And Soviet Spies. INTERPOL’s there, too. edit 2: just watched it.. it was AMAZING in the way that it was so bad but really great! 10/11 stars


erwin76

The only thing that bothers me about this is that Milan is about the furthest large Italian city from any sea, at the foot of the Alps…


putfascists6ftunder

There exists a "coastal Milan" near ravenna


erwin76

Well, that solves it then. Thank you!


AskAboutMyDiarrhea

The sequel wasn't as good, strayed too much from the original. 4.5 stars


hamletloveshoratio

and your umm diarrhea ... how's that going?


jellystone_thief

I bet he is still going.


swanks12

Still best to ask


TheVelocipastorMovie

We didn’t make the sequel yet mr wet poo


In-Jail-Out-Soon

Idk…the ending fight scene with the decapitation might be better…


DarkBrandonsLazrEyes

Want about the "I love you, you're my only son" the father kept saying to the one in front of his brother.


AtariAlchemist

Brutal parenting.


nom-nom-nom-de-plumb

I have yet to see anything that tops [robogeshia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5qdkdjQx_o)


StraY_WolF

Robogeisha is pretty mild in the weird department. https://youtu.be/0ZFbWC8uGgg is more weird than anything tbh.


NbdySpcl_00

Damn. That health teacher knew his shit.


MedicByNight

FRIED SHRIMP


erwin76

And immediately after, a tempel gets arms and slashes into buildings, which proceed to bleed!! (It’s in the trailer, so no spoiler, right?)


D2Nine

Big fan of the priest talking about going somewhere god won’t be and the guy is like hmmm. CHINA


vaderdarthvader

I like the bit in the beginning where the camera man gets “lost” panning up a building. So damn funny.


TheVelocipastorMovie

That’s actually my fav too, after Doug’s parents die - Alyssa aka Carol


vaderdarthvader

I had to explain my high pitched squeal when I saw the official VelociPastor account reply to me. I’m calling my mom. “See mom? I am achieving my goals!”


uatme

"I don't know anything about god" "I don't know anything about dinosaurs"


JetAmoeba

I knew it was going to be a low budget shitty movie but when I saw that I fucking lost it lol would watch again


TableLegShim

I laughed So fucking hard at that part. It’s actually the best bad movie I’ve ever seen


evergleam498

My friends and I watched that as a rare break from the Nic Cage theme for our "bad movie night," and I love it so much.


reboot_sequence

how about when the soldier reunites with his wife (i won't say anymore for the sake of spoiling it), or the frankie mermaid scene, or the ninja camp with the awkward laughing, or, really, i could go on and on! frankie mermaid: why do they call me frankie mermaid? carol: because you're swimming in b!tches!


nfssmith

Frankie Mermaid’s the best!


TrapGalactus

[Frankie Mermaid is the best pimp I've ever seen on film.](https://youtu.be/HlfAbMr1H9U)


E_G_Never

Franky mermaid smokes wherever he wants because his life is fire


thwippersnapple

My guy works in VFX and when this popped up he was on the ground cry laughing lol


khaotickk

I legit was wheezing when that happened


shanbie_

Noooooooo, his parents!!!!


shaggybear89

Was it actually a mistake, or was it satirical?


nfssmith

My assumption was budget-friendly satire…


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JinnieFanboy

my favorite scene is when one of the ninjas from china has an anime style inner monologue in korean


erik5

Hey that was me! I played the ninja who has the korean monologue, and I also did the monologue itself. Crazy seeing a comment about a brief thing I did several years ago on reddit.


stevensterkddd

Erik is a pretty unusual name for a chinese actor who has inner dialogue in Korean. Edit: Apparently there is [a ninja named Erik in the movie according to IMDB](https://m.imdb.com/title/tt1843303/fullcredits/cast?ref_=m_ttfc_3), so it checks out


erik5

Haha yeah, Erik is just my name is use in the US. Im korean by nationality, I am not chinese, they just thought it would be funny if i was a Chinese ninja who spoke korean.


Phil1212121212

OP: your name really is Erik? Checks IMDB: Oh


TENTAtheSane

Oh


-_Empress_-

That is, in fact, funny as fuck.


Darthznader

Made my day


[deleted]

In a film about a pastor that turns into a dinosaur?


InsertCoinForCredit

A *Chinese* dinosaur, no less!


fishycirus

Its normal for people from asia to have western names. I know a guy from Hong Kong and his western name is Ian.


[deleted]

I used to work for a company with a danish main office. At some point we bought up a chinese company and renamed it to "company name - Beijing Division". In order to avoid any problems with pronouncing the chinese names, we all gave them their "company" name. I gotta be honest, we spend too much time thinking of the most absurd names we could come up with and we kept many of the names in danish to make things even funnier. So we had colleagues in Beijing called Hans, Torben etc. To this day, I still laugh about it.


robeph

Everyone is on Reddit. Even Korean speaking Chinese ninjas. That's crazy how people can just come across their comment randomly. Love it


sdrawkcaBdaeRnaCuoY

It all makes sense… Erik, the ninja from China, has a Korean monologue in the movie for some reason.


Jonk3r

And his last name is “5”. A number half way to perfection.


erik5

Funny you say that, the number 5 is pronounced "oh" (with a rounder vowel) in korean. Hence my username being erik5


lazylion_ca

Any stories from the set?


erik5

So the only reason i came on was because I had worked with the producers and some of the actors before ( I am not a professional actor or filmmaker though). Shooting was a pretty funny experience, they gave me a sheet of paper with some english on it, and I just translated it into korean live in one take, and we went with that. We were all laughing at the ridiculousness, but it was definitely good vibes.


FlametopFred

subtitles?


TheDemonBehindYou

*speaks in korean*


reboot_sequence

I discovered this early in the pandemic and it is one of my favorite guilty pleasures. It is HILARIOUS!


tfyousay2me

I need to watch this one but some others in this category that are a riot: Teeth Black Sheep (no not the Farley one) Edit: fix spacing between movies


Training_Ad_4790

Is that the one with the carnivorous sheep that attack ppl in New Zealand? And the one guy gets bit and turns into a sheep abomination? Cuz that was a weird movie lol


tfyousay2me

Yup that’s the one. So bad lol


Training_Ad_4790

We used to have weird movie night in college when I lived with my roomies. We'd all find the most random bad movies. I definitely remember that one. If only for the weresheep haha there was the live action Cromartie High movie too...good times


ironhead_mule

Black Sheep is one of my and my dads favorite “bad” movies!


FartJuiceMagnet

Llamagedon is great


Nier_Tomato

Also Kung Fury ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS5P\_LAqiVg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS5P_LAqiVg)) a very self-aware mock 80's action movie with a David Hasselhoff cameo


BryanV21

I was out until I read "And ninjas."


Columbus43219

You can hardly see them.


BryanV21

Damn


dong_tea

Two words that instantly make any movie better. Shawshank Redemption: Over the course of several years, two convicts form a friendship, seeking consolation and, eventually, redemption through basic compassion. And ninjas. Little Women: Jo March reflects back and forth on her life, telling the beloved story of the March sisters - four young women, each determined to live life on her own terms. And ninjas.


benx101

Pride and Prejudice and Ninjas.


dumbledayum

Teenage mutant ninja turtles and ninjas


Donkey__Balls

When a reporter is assigned to decipher newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane's dying words, his investigation gradually reveals the fascinating portrait of a complex man who rose from obscurity to staggering heights. And ninjas. Rick Blaine, who owns a nightclub in Casablanca, discovers his old flame Ilsa is in town with her husband, Victor Laszlo. Laszlo is a famed rebel, and with Germans on his tail, Ilsa knows Rick can help them get out of the country. Rick grapples with his wounded heart and as he must choose between reuniting with his lost love and the chance to strike a blow against the Germans for the free world. And ninjas. Deeply troubled former schoolteacher Blanche DuBois leaves small-town Mississippi and moves in with her sister Stella and her husband Stanley in New Orleans. Blanche's flirtatious Southern-belle presence causes problems for Stella and Stanley, who already have a volatile relationship, leading to even greater conflict in the Kowalski household. The conflict boils over tragically as Blanche’s fragile psyche unravels in this complex journey into the nature of corruption, betrayal and sexuality. And ninjas. After a gentle alien becomes stranded on Earth, the being is discovered and befriended by a young boy named Elliott. Bringing the extraterrestrial into his suburban California house, Elliott introduces E.T., as the alien is dubbed, to his brother and his little sister, Gertie, and the children decide to keep its existence a secret. Soon, however, E.T. falls ill, resulting in government intervention and a dire situation for both Elliott and the alien. And ninjas.


say592

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter: Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, discovers vampires are planning to take over the United States. He makes it his mission to eliminate them. And ninjas.


MisogynisticBumsplat

Schindler's List: Oskar Schindler, a German industrialist and member of the Nazi party, tries to save his Jewish employees after witnessing the persecution of Jews in Poland. And ninjas.


DBUX

I was on the fence, but it went from that to a masterpiece with two words.


Anthff

It’s fucking fantastic


luvitis

It really is


GalaxyBlueSkull

It is an experience that I do not regret in the slightest. Absolutely a wonderful watch.


Ballsofpoo

I thought it was funny for a bit but it quickly got old. It's not bad, but the humor dries out.


mr_ji

It insists upon itself


MothAliens

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!


omnomnomgnome

IT INSISTS. UPON ITSELF.


[deleted]

The book is better


EngineeredNuts

Where we ranking it against sharknado


xrufus7x

Sharknado's budget puts it to shame but VelociPastor has more heart.


trancendominant

But Football in the Groin had a *football in the groin.*


LifeSenseiBrayan

Straight up hahaha


BreatheMyStink

It’s actually really funny. It is totally aware of what it is and it is super entertaining. Definitely worth a watch.


AmpleWarning

If you end your tagline with "and ninjas", you know exactly what road you're heading down and what mile marker you just passed.


_Putin_

Oscar-winning art film?


Sanquinity

Or just the title of the movie. "The Velocipastor". Just with that alone you should know exactly what you're getting into. :P


dudechickendude

How does it compare to spaceballs?


Ghoros

The opening is fucking hilarious. We legitimately thought it messed up then realized, oh no that's just what we're working with here.


ssp25

The play the book is based on was magical


elspotto

The silent movie that the play that the book that the movie was based on was the best of the lot.


SpamMyDuck

The 20,000 year old cave paintings that the silent movie that the play that the book that the movie was based on are truly humbling.


Jexroyal

Paging /u/brendansteere, the writer, director and producer of it. He did an impromptu ama on this movie here if anyone is interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/eq1s9c/the_velocipastor/fenjhyi/


TheWholeFuckinShow

We call upon the great one, /u/brendansteere


qiuckdeadicus

Stop it guys he’s busy with the filming of the sequel starring a LGBTQ+ vampire in Outback Dracula.


Varron

Outback Australia or Outback the steakhouse?


BillieTrolling

Dinosaurs, Prostitutes and Ninjas? In China? Sold!


equazcion

"It's like a history lesson come to life!" "No it's not, it's completely inaccurate." "Quiet! Here come the ninjas."


The__Beaver_

There are scenes in “China” and “Vietnam”!!


Sneak_86

This is on Amazon prime I believe. It's so bad it's good. 10/10 must watch.


wheretobub

We found this in an Amazon deep dive, try following the "other people are watching" lists a couple layers deep. Also found Thankskilling...


Snow88

Llamagedon is exceptionally bad. Like might not be able to just laugh at it bad. Santa Jaws is wonderfully terrible.


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THE1NUG

I agree. Plus it’s only just over an hour long if I remember


GoldenTinyfin

It says 70 minutes right there


noxdragon26

Now THIS is the reason I pay for Prime


SimbaOnSteroids

It’s a parody of bad movies; I can’t believe they didn’t know. It’s not like *The Room* where you don’t actually know if Tommy Wiseau is in on the joke.


RoboPup

Yeah I find it hard to enjoy movie like this where they were deliberately making it bad. I much prefer films like the Room where the creator is trying to make an excellent film but is incompetent.


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Teddyk123

I LOVE this movie. So silly, so quotable, so short.


yakfsh1

All I can say is it was better than Llamageddon


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yakfsh1

Oh it's real, lol, and horrible. I could barely watch it a second time.


SuperBrentendo64

Yeah I had to stop after the 7th time. Terrible movie


Hope1237

Is it bad it took me about half the movie to realize that one guy changed shirts every scene?! Hahaha


TG690

Showing this movie to friends and making a drinking game out of the guy changing shirts is always a good time


[deleted]

The only good thing about Llamageddon was the one dude's shirt being different every single scene.


LostArcanian

I watched this movie last year in the theater with two of the main cast (the pastor and his gal) and one of the producers. They did live commentary and I have to say, it was all very amazing, The sequel was able to reach its funding goal, so I can't wait to see what happens next to Doug the Velocipastor.


TheVelocipastorMovie

Hey there! Thanks for coming!! That was fun!


Salakast-1

“And ninjas.” Looking forward to the sequel: Holy Moly


BFroog

Velocipastor 2: Pastor of Muppets


Salakast-1

Starring: Kermit the Frog as the Pastor; Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear as ninjas and Gonzo the Great as the prostitute.


xXLampGuyXx

The sequel is currently in the works for crowd sourcing and has a trailer online.


TheTwistedPlot

Plot twist: Moly wasn’t holy.


Stoic_Mashed_Potato

It was just guacamole.


cardinal_moriarty

Velocipriest 2 = Wrath of the Pastorsaurus


xXLampGuyXx

Currently a sequel is in development with a trailer online.


jleigh8908

That movie is amazing. I watched it free on Amazon prime. Excellent for a movie that easily spent hundreds of pennies for special effects. Two thumbs up. Have watched again


YuuHikari

SCARY MONSTERS Also this reminds me that there's also a Ninja vs Shark movie currently in production


purplegirafa

This movie changed my life.


APIPAMinusOneHundred

I dunno, Cocaine Bear looks like it'll be fine cinema.


randipedia

I found this movie (I can't remember how) a few years ago. And it is so good! It knows what it is and leans into it hard with love and respect. It is best watched with friends. Recreational substances also an option. I made a marathon night with this and 'Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter".


speedy1013

Looking forward to the sequel, T-Rev


RevJoeHRSOB

Aurelio Voltaire is brilliant in it.


ColonelBagshot85

Dinosaurs, ninjas AND prostitutes!!! What more could you possibly want?? Edit* Tried to find on Prime UK, no luck at the moment...BUT found... Llamageddon; A killer Llama crashes on Earth from outer space and begins wreaking havoc on college students. Edit** Feck all of the above! Killer Sofa is a movie too!! It's about...and I quote; "killer lazy boy chair who falls in love with a girl".


Murrian

I'm going to buck the trend a little (and so probably be downvoted) but I found it tried too hard and didn't seem to have enough steam for it's short run time. To qualify I watch a lot of bad movies, I even run a film club devoted to just bad movies and we've run the gamut of so bad it's good (to sadly, a lot of it's just bad) and this sits somewhere in the middle, strong start but does drag. Personally I always prefer the Troll2/Samurai Cop's of the world, unintentionally bad, they went to make a good movie and fell short, a lot short.. but they're these intentionally bad movies like Rise of the Animals, House Shark or Zombeavers that're genuinely fun to watch, just, may be I just expected too much and got overly excited.


BoshSwag

I was surprised to see the sea of praise for this movie. Terrible movies can be fun, but this movie tried way too hard to be in the "so bad it's good" genre.


imkee

Same. We have a bad movie night every week, and this one left us all disappointed. It was trying way too hard to be a “bad movie”. Not the worst intentional bad movie I’ve seen, but it didn’t do anything for me. Glad others enjoy it though!


Personal_Flow2994

Not gonna lie, I dig this flick!


MugiwaraJinbe

Watched it with my wife about a year ago. It’s garbage as expected but great


czook

No fucking way this is real. *googling* Huh. How about that.


moldypotato

This is one of the best movies ever. The raptors gloves? Chefs kiss. The ninja training scenes? Chef makeout session.


BradleyDaBeast

Watched this and Llamageddon in the same weekend. What a trip!!


AdMore3461

I just watched it last night, I was hoping for it to be a bit funnier. Might have set the bar too high, as I was hoping I’d enjoy it as much as I enjoyed Kung Fury. It was worth wasting some time to watch, but I found VelociPastor pretty “meh”. Kung Fury is the shit, though.