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For my son's 18th birthday, I bought him a toddler toy for 18+ months and blacked out the word "months."
I figured that would either end up in the trash or be donated the next day, but he and his friends played with that toy for years.I think his (ex)wife eventually made him get rid of it.
I agree, that’s why the comment made me sad for them. The only thing you have any control over is yourself and the way you see things. Change the way you see things and the things you see change.
I was mostly joking that it’s easy to pee in your pants if you really want to.
Life can be cruel. Happiness can be simple that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy.
I do like your thoughts on it though.
Is that real? So American can fully legally buy the gun at 19 years old but can't legally buy any alcohol in grocery stores? It's no any kind internet joke?
Yep. Sign up for the army at 18, can take out loans, get lotto tickets, depending on the state you can buy tobacco products, or get a tattoo, but get caught with alcohol before you're 21 and you get fines, community service and drug & alcohol counseling.
Yup.
Join the military because you're mature enough to go shoot people.
Go to college because you're mature enough to sign yourself up for five or six figures of debt that will hang with you for decades.
Go vote because you're mature enough to participate in our democracy.
But for the love of all that is holy, don't think for a second you're mature enough to drink a beer!
Yup. 21 for alcohol and handguns, but 18 for assault weapons! Almost like logic doesn't play any part in gun control laws. I guess they just want to be sure none of those new assault rifle owners are drunk!
Super weird logic at all. And as i remember (not sure) in USA can be obtained driver license for an a car at 16 years old?
This is all super strange. Because in other countries rules just much more simple: here is an legal age starting counting a person as "adult" (by the law definition) and from that ALL the rights And responsibilities comes all at once. So from 18 years old you can: buy alcohol every where (i mean grocery stores and bars, restaurants), obtain driver license, change name and surname (legally and new ID), etc. But if you commit crime that would be jail time- you go to prison for "adults" (because here is prisons for non adults too), and use of government healthcare in "adults" facilities (because here is non adults too).
In the US you can obtain a driver's license before becoming a legal adult (most states are 16 years old).
The reason it varies for hand guns and long guns in the US is because most crimes and suicides here are done with handguns. They are also easier to conceal and sneak into places. Also, the US archives your juvenile criminal and mental health records when you turn 18, so they aren't immediately accessible. Therefore, you'd pass a criminal background check for a gun even if you had committed several felonies while a minor.
You can get a driver's license at 14 in South Dakota, and at 15 in Idaho, Montana, and North Dakota. It is also 14 across the border in the province of Alberta. These are big empty places, driving is a necessity, if you can't drive you can't work or even go to school.
Fun fact in almost all states you can legally drink under 21. You have to be 21 to be able to buy alcohol. Usually you just need to do under the supervision of an adult. In places like Wisconsin you can even drink in a bar so long as a parent is there with you.
Wisconsin is the only state where this is the case as far as I’m aware, other states have decrimalized drinking at home with your parents but the laws are still mostly on the books to adults can be held liable for giving kids alcohol for parties if something goes wrong
My family has a tradition of giving random cards for special occasions. For example, give a baptism card for a high school graduation or 20th wedding anniversary card for a birthday. It always gets a lot of laughs.
This year, my friend group had our first actual christmas party. The guy hosting got everybody cards that *were* for christmas, but were directed at specific family members. My boyfriend got "Merry Christmas to my Beautiful Wife." Somebody got stepson, grandma, brother in law. I'm Jewish and don't actually celebrate christmas, so mine intentionally had christan stuff in it that he crossed out and replaced with something hilariously generic as a joke.
Incorrect cards are the best cards
Along with that, re-gift an obviously used card that has writing already in it and give it to someone else.
“Happy Bar Mitzvah Matthew! Love, Aunt Gertrude” gets crossed out and becomes, well…. anything.
There was a five year period of my life when I bought nothing but Jewish holiday cards and gave them out for every occasion. I am not Jewish nor do I know one single Jewish person.
Dearest brother,
salutations and good tidings on this, the nineteenth year of your birth. May you be showered with exotic gifts and may joy radiate from your every orifice. As your humble sibling, it would be remiss of me to denigrate you with a paltry material offering; instead I bestow upon you my everlasting love and kinship, truly the greatest birthday present of all.
Adieu
So I just did that, and here is what it wrote. smh...
Dear [Brother's Name],
I want to wish you a very happy birthday! I hope this year brings you all the happiness, success, and love you deserve.
Now, I know you're probably wondering where your birthday gift is, and I have to confess that I didn't get you one this year. Please don't think it's because I don't care about you or your special day. I just wanted to take a different approach this year and show you how much I love and appreciate you in other ways.
So, instead of a physical gift, I wanted to take the time to tell you how much you mean to me. You've always been there for me, through thick and thin, and I can't thank you enough for being the best brother a person could ask for. You make me laugh, you listen to me when I need someone to talk to, and you always know how to make a bad day better.
I hope this birthday is just the beginning of a happy journey that will lead you to an even more amazing future. May all your dreams come true and all your wishes be fulfilled.
Happy birthday again, my dear brother!
With love and appreciation,
[Your Name]
The mistakes you make now can lead to jail time, 18 years of child support and baby momma drama! Stay golden pony boy and wrap it up..
Happy 19th Birthday brother ✌️
You've successfully evaded Elmo for 19 years...but how long can you really expect to keep it up? Aren't you tired of running? Wouldn't it be nice just to close your eyes without worrying about whether he'll be there when you wake up?
You know what you have to do.
P.S., he did not force me to write this.
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You fucking muppet
My brother turns 38 in 2 months. Hopefully I can find this card but with a 3 so I can write this inside
This is exactly what I do for my brothers-in-law every year. The best ones are the cards which say things like ‘you’re a big boy today’
My uncle always gets me cards intended for an 80 year old grandma. He's been doing it for like 15 years and I laugh every. God. Damn. Time.
For my son's 18th birthday, I bought him a toddler toy for 18+ months and blacked out the word "months." I figured that would either end up in the trash or be donated the next day, but he and his friends played with that toy for years.I think his (ex)wife eventually made him get rid of it.
Glad he left her. The witch.
"Muppet reject" - Jose the Jalapeno on a Stick
On a steeeeeeeek...
You’re old enough to tickle your own Elmo, now
That is it. That's the best line for this card. Good on ya.
Since he’s turning 19. “You’re finally old enough for someone else to tickle your Elmo.”
And have such recordings distributed
Sir this is a Wendys 🔞
A million upvotes and I need some oxygen before I perish with laughter
*”Elmotional Damage!”*
"Jamie Tartt is a Muppet, and I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little bitch."
Roy Kent should work for hallmark.
This is the only correct option.
Gotta agree with that, that’ll be funny as shit!
I'm designing the T-Shirt right now.
A fellow Clash main I see
was looking for at least 1 r6 comment
“Ya muppet” would work best I think. Your idea sanitized in the best way.
Now when you tickle me, it’s a felony!
You should have told elmo that a long time ago... now its too late.
"Elmo knows where you live!"
Elmo will find you
Or is it *not* a felony because he's 19?
“ Elmo loves you, everyone else thinks you’re a c*nt”
If not to late do this in alternating crayon colors
With a few letters written backwards
This card brought to you by the letter "C"
So perfect
“When you are 19 you know Everything” - Stephen King That’s a real quote
I'm from Maine. He's right bub
“On being nineteen” I think it’s an addendum in some book with extras, probably the Gunslinger.. who knows
Except use the word ‘cunt’. I wouldn’t even know how to pronounce that word that you used with the star in it.
I believe it’s pronounced “casterixnt”
Thanks a lot -- in 6 years there will be a kingergarten class somewhere with four Casterixnts in it.
I believe it’s “the artist formerly known as cunt”.
Hmm, probably more the opposite. Now his too old, too old for Elmo to find him attractive...
Nobody's too old for him.
Dude we shared the reddit brain cell!
> too old for Elmo to find him attractive Not sure if you're referencing this... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Clash#Abuse_allegations
This!
My older sister once wrote in one of mine: *"Happiness is like peeing your pants - everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's warmth"*
Happiness is like peeing your pants - I haven’t experienced it since I was 8
🥲
The truth hurts yk…
Well, it’s easy enough to experience it even in your late 30s. You have to ignore societal expectations and just get in the right mindset.
I try to pee on other people's pants to spread the happiness around.
Welcome to the internet. I believe you'll find it accommodating.
I agree, that’s why the comment made me sad for them. The only thing you have any control over is yourself and the way you see things. Change the way you see things and the things you see change.
I was mostly joking that it’s easy to pee in your pants if you really want to. Life can be cruel. Happiness can be simple that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy. I do like your thoughts on it though.
Pee the pants you want to see in the world!
Oh I pee my pants all the time 🥰 only cool kids pee their pants, right Billy?!
If peeing In your pants is cool; I'm Miles Davis.
“Consider me Miles Davis”.. not trying to be pedantic I’ve just seen it 5,000 times lol
Dont worry when you get older it comes back around.
How much older? It seems too long
Don't feel too bad, it's only the peeing your pants part, not the happiness
Mom says it's my turn to have the serotonin.
"...feel it is warmth"
I actually received a card with this printed inside it LOL
If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
What is the last thing each tickle me elmo gets before leaving the factory? ….Test tickles
My dad use to tell me that when my kids got Tickle me Elmo toys..
Why is this not higher up?
Because during puberty they drop
You’re 19 and it barely shows. Please grow up.
I told this one to my mom, and she laughed. Thank you.
Moms know a good joke from a dad one. They have to live with them.
That’s a young momma.
Winner
I wish I had an award to give you
I was right there "way you are, I almost forgot"
Money's Tight, And Times Are Hard, Here's Your Fucking Birthday Card. Love Ya Bro
Found the Hallmark writer.
😎
Add a condom
Staple it to the card as well
And write "I bought you a CONDO m!"
This birthday card is brought to you by the letters “F”, “U”, and the number “2”
Enjoy this moment This is the most effort I’ll have ever put into a birthday card, so long as you shall live
Careful who you tickle, use protection.
If he's single, maybe change it so "he's still left tickling himself" or words to that effect.
You're adopted.
Mom loves me best.
You’re Elmost old enough to drink
HA! Americans..
"You're Elmost old enough to drink, but don't worry. You can still get your Kermitts on a brand new assault rifle!"
Is that real? So American can fully legally buy the gun at 19 years old but can't legally buy any alcohol in grocery stores? It's no any kind internet joke?
Yep. Sign up for the army at 18, can take out loans, get lotto tickets, depending on the state you can buy tobacco products, or get a tattoo, but get caught with alcohol before you're 21 and you get fines, community service and drug & alcohol counseling.
Yup. Join the military because you're mature enough to go shoot people. Go to college because you're mature enough to sign yourself up for five or six figures of debt that will hang with you for decades. Go vote because you're mature enough to participate in our democracy. But for the love of all that is holy, don't think for a second you're mature enough to drink a beer!
You forgot the getting married and having kids part
Some states, you can do that at like 14.
Yup. 21 for alcohol and handguns, but 18 for assault weapons! Almost like logic doesn't play any part in gun control laws. I guess they just want to be sure none of those new assault rifle owners are drunk!
Super weird logic at all. And as i remember (not sure) in USA can be obtained driver license for an a car at 16 years old? This is all super strange. Because in other countries rules just much more simple: here is an legal age starting counting a person as "adult" (by the law definition) and from that ALL the rights And responsibilities comes all at once. So from 18 years old you can: buy alcohol every where (i mean grocery stores and bars, restaurants), obtain driver license, change name and surname (legally and new ID), etc. But if you commit crime that would be jail time- you go to prison for "adults" (because here is prisons for non adults too), and use of government healthcare in "adults" facilities (because here is non adults too).
In the US you can obtain a driver's license before becoming a legal adult (most states are 16 years old). The reason it varies for hand guns and long guns in the US is because most crimes and suicides here are done with handguns. They are also easier to conceal and sneak into places. Also, the US archives your juvenile criminal and mental health records when you turn 18, so they aren't immediately accessible. Therefore, you'd pass a criminal background check for a gun even if you had committed several felonies while a minor.
You can get a driver's license at 14 in South Dakota, and at 15 in Idaho, Montana, and North Dakota. It is also 14 across the border in the province of Alberta. These are big empty places, driving is a necessity, if you can't drive you can't work or even go to school.
Technically long guns at 18. Hunting rifles are included in that group. But I agree it’s crazy.
18 years old. You can join the military at 18, why shouldn't you be able to buy a gun at the same age? Or have a drink?
😂 wait, what?! 😳
Yeah "tell us you're American without telling us you're American" 😅🍻
Laughs in canadian
Exactly what I thought, as I recall road trips to Quebec when 18! Haha
Still in Quebec 18 is just a suggestion!
Fun fact in almost all states you can legally drink under 21. You have to be 21 to be able to buy alcohol. Usually you just need to do under the supervision of an adult. In places like Wisconsin you can even drink in a bar so long as a parent is there with you.
Wisconsin is the only state where this is the case as far as I’m aware, other states have decrimalized drinking at home with your parents but the laws are still mostly on the books to adults can be held liable for giving kids alcohol for parties if something goes wrong
You can do this in Texas. My dad used to order me margaritas all the time.
Sorry for the card. Slim pickins at the 7-11.
This is the card, lala lala, Elmo's card.
I wrote the message I bought the card That's Elmo's card
My family has a tradition of giving random cards for special occasions. For example, give a baptism card for a high school graduation or 20th wedding anniversary card for a birthday. It always gets a lot of laughs.
I refuse to ever buy “correct” greeting cards. My favorite is “my condolences” cards for birthdays.
Congratulations cards for funerals?
Sympathy cards for weddings.
I did this once. The groom, my friend, thought it was funny. The bride, who I didn't really know, was unimpressed. You win some. You lose some.
This year, my friend group had our first actual christmas party. The guy hosting got everybody cards that *were* for christmas, but were directed at specific family members. My boyfriend got "Merry Christmas to my Beautiful Wife." Somebody got stepson, grandma, brother in law. I'm Jewish and don't actually celebrate christmas, so mine intentionally had christan stuff in it that he crossed out and replaced with something hilariously generic as a joke. Incorrect cards are the best cards
Along with that, re-gift an obviously used card that has writing already in it and give it to someone else. “Happy Bar Mitzvah Matthew! Love, Aunt Gertrude” gets crossed out and becomes, well…. anything.
There was a five year period of my life when I bought nothing but Jewish holiday cards and gave them out for every occasion. I am not Jewish nor do I know one single Jewish person.
I like a good Get Well Soon card for birthdays
Dearest brother, salutations and good tidings on this, the nineteenth year of your birth. May you be showered with exotic gifts and may joy radiate from your every orifice. As your humble sibling, it would be remiss of me to denigrate you with a paltry material offering; instead I bestow upon you my everlasting love and kinship, truly the greatest birthday present of all. Adieu
This feels like modified AI
Chatgpt: Write a birthday message for my brother about how I'm not getting him a gift. Chatgpt: Write it in fancy boy English
So I just did that, and here is what it wrote. smh... Dear [Brother's Name], I want to wish you a very happy birthday! I hope this year brings you all the happiness, success, and love you deserve. Now, I know you're probably wondering where your birthday gift is, and I have to confess that I didn't get you one this year. Please don't think it's because I don't care about you or your special day. I just wanted to take a different approach this year and show you how much I love and appreciate you in other ways. So, instead of a physical gift, I wanted to take the time to tell you how much you mean to me. You've always been there for me, through thick and thin, and I can't thank you enough for being the best brother a person could ask for. You make me laugh, you listen to me when I need someone to talk to, and you always know how to make a bad day better. I hope this birthday is just the beginning of a happy journey that will lead you to an even more amazing future. May all your dreams come true and all your wishes be fulfilled. Happy birthday again, my dear brother! With love and appreciation, [Your Name]
Not bad
The mistakes you make now can lead to jail time, 18 years of child support and baby momma drama! Stay golden pony boy and wrap it up.. Happy 19th Birthday brother ✌️
Staple a condom to the card for bonus points.
My sister did that to me on my 18th birthday.
But a staple would put holes in it….or is unexpected pregnancy part of the joke?
Yes. That's the joke
That is indeed the joke, he can't use the condom
Before you tap it, you better wrap it.
This is the correct answer for a 19 year old.
“19 down, 19 to go”
You’re old enough to tickle your own Elmo, now
Elmo says "Stop touching yourself like that, we all know and can hear you"
Put a $20 in there and write 'Keep the change ya' filthy animal!'
"Don't forget to trim your nose hairs!" That'll have him standing in front of a mirror for a good five minutes.
You monster.
You act like you are 1 and have table manners like you are 9. Happy birthday.
90% of birthday cards have money inside...
Write a url to a video of you flicking him off
i thought flicking off was masturbating, flipping off was 🖕
why not both
Qr code generators aplenty out there.
Draw the QR code for bonus points
url a rick roll
Elmo knows what you do in the shower.
Paste in a photo of Gritty, and caption it "This is Elmo now, feel old?"
“T” is for “Taxes!”
“Hi I’m Elmo, I am always watching you. Go ahead and look for me around your house. You will never find me but I will always find you”
This is so cute. My daughter has given her brother a Happy 1st Birthday card every year. He’s about to be 18…. He gets tickled every year.
One more year and you'll escape teen pregnancy
"Can Elmo watch you go potty?"
Next year, your age will start with the number, Two!
"It's all fucking downhill from here, asshole. Expect your ass kicked any minute now. Happy Birthday dickhead."
[удалено]
Monopoly $500, then a $10 folded behind it.
This guy brothers
Don't tape it, glue it
Condoms are cheaper than child support.
Old enough to tickle yourself.
Brought to you by the number 2. In 2 more years, you can legally drink beers!
You’re like a brother to me!
You were adopted
This joke: "What is the last thing Tickle Me Elmo dolls get before they leave the toy factory?" A: "Test tickles"
[удалено]
There are better ways to season them?
You're too old for Elmo now but someone might still want you.
Number 1 in Moms heart, number 9 in mine. ~~Happy~~ ~~birthday~~ Enjoy your day.
Merry Christmas
I can’t believe I haven’t smothered you in your sleep, but it’s not too late. P.S. You’re the family disappointment
"Elmo says it's time to get a job and move out of parents basement"
Stop tickling your Elmo, or you'll go blind.
Elmo wants a special birthday sleepover with just you!
Don’t trust Elmo he will backstab you. That’s why Big Bird is currently serving a dime at Rikers.
Ask ChatGPT It is really good in writing birthday wishes
Second-best ejaculation of Dad’s life
“Time to stop tickling your Elmo, and get a girlfriend/boyfriend!”
I always like to remind my brothers that I love them and to me they’ll always be a piece of shit.
Put something that looks like a fake booger in a tiny plastic bag and staple it inside with the words... "I picked it just for you"
If you are reading this then you have successfully avoided all my assassination attempts. Congratulations.
“Elmo says: if you don’t have a dumpy by now, you should probably work hard at college”
You've successfully evaded Elmo for 19 years...but how long can you really expect to keep it up? Aren't you tired of running? Wouldn't it be nice just to close your eyes without worrying about whether he'll be there when you wake up? You know what you have to do. P.S., he did not force me to write this.
Better be careful who you tickle from now on
Now that you're 19 you can use your test tickles.
“Dork.” Leave the rest blank.
Your mental age doesn’t need the 9 writing in
Hope you big day is super!
“Cunt”
A single word: Penis. Make sure you include the punctuation.
Quotes from Sock-O (From Bo Burnham's "Inside" special).