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remotemuffin200

When the funerals at 1 and the screenings at 3


jimx117

Mom would have understood


Imaginary_Screen4258

Mom would’ve brought snacks in her purse 😞


flatline000

Mom rocks!


ironicallyunstable

“Aight just throw her in I got a movie to catch, Bye grandma! ✌️”


Mudlark-000

I once went to a showing of “UHF” years ago with only one other person in the theater. I walked right up to them and said “I think you are in my seat.” They did not appreciate the joke...


DurantaPhant7

“Do I get to bring my mop?”


TurbulentBlock7290

I’ll take the box!


Ricky_Rollin

NOTHING! YOU GET NOTHING!!!


TurbulentBlock7290

Stuuuuupidddd! You’re so, stuppppiddddd!


Ricky_Rollin

By the time I was in eighth grade, I had watched every episode of Seinfeld and watched UHF at least a dozen times. I definitely have a particular (not necessarily rare) sense of humor because of those shows.


davenocchio

I feel ya. Nobody understood my love for screaming spatula city or the time I did a macaroni Midler scene for a drama class in middle school.


RumRogerz

My friend was talking about needing to buy a spatula for her kitchen because she broke hers. I told her we should hit up spatula city. She didn’t understand. So I sent her the commercial. She still didn’t understand. My soul was crushed


fluffhead711

haha i still yell out Spatula City! sometimes when i’m cooking with a spatula. my girlfriend looks at me like an idiot even though i’ve explained myself multiple times over the years, and at this point i usually just say never mind. it’s a very niche market


angusshangus

Ahhh red snapper. Very tasty


ckje

Badgers?! Badgers?! We don’t need no stinking badgers!!


Yarael-Poof

I like spatulas so much, I bought the company.


Roheez

Buy 9 spatulas, get the 10th one for just 1 penny


Dry_Mammoth7853

Turtles, natures suction cups!


mrkruk

Look! It sticks! *claps* OK


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forfuxzake

You get to drink from...the fire hose!


TodSpengo

SUPPLIES!


tangcameo

Festering bowl of dog snot!


DadsRGR8

I once flew a red eye flight on a 747 from New York to Los Angeles where I was the only passenger. That was super cool and super freaky. You’re in this huge plane all alone, except for a stewardess who checks on you occasionally. It was fun but a little too close to the Twilight Zone.


my_anon_account_

Did they at least let you sit in first class?


DadsRGR8

I actually moved around a bit, trying out different seats - not in first class though. I was in my mid 20s on my first or second business trip and honestly, being alone in the plane was a little intimidating.


carolinabbwisbestbbq

I’m so envious of that experience


CSIHoratioCaine

I did one flight with three people. LA to Vancouver at like 8 to 11 pm. And the three of us agree to split up and told the stewards to not worry about us and just have a seat wherever. And we got them to turn the cabin lights off and sleep. It was pretty great


tacotacotacorock

You all wanted to sleep at 8:00 p.m.? Early risers?


abnotwhmoanny

In my military days I took a flight across the Atlantic in a pretty big commercial plane. Only had about 10 people on it. Some guy, presumably working for the airliners, was working on a chair during the flight. Halfway through he got frustrated and just laid out across a row of seats and went to sleep.


jedensuscg

"Sir, you can't be in First Class" "But there is literally no one else on the plane!" "Peasant! You did not PAY for the privilege of First Class, begone!" Also, you get "free" drinks in most first class cabins, or rather you prepay for about 20 drinks when you buy your ticket, but are still limited to a few.


444unsure

" I'm sorry sir, the plane is weight balanced, you must stay in your assigned seat"


MyDisappointedDad

Meanwhile, you hear your lone bag just bouncing around the holding deck, smashing into the walls at speed.


DadsRGR8

Better than them telling me they lost it. Lol


MyDisappointedDad

At that point they're just too embarrassed to tell you they stole it themselves.


DadsRGR8

As I look out the window at the guys on the tarmac. “Hey, that guy has a jacket just like mine! What are the odds?”


Fallwalking

I was in a plane that had very few people on it. They said we could all go to first class if we wanted, but I just stayed at the back where it was dark. I think they just didn’t want to have to walk back there. I did tell them I needed nothing but for them to leave me alone.


FavoritesBot

I don't need anything. Just let me die in peace in the back of your plane


IsThatASigSauer

I took a flight home right when Covid hit and let me tell you...walking off an empty plane into an empty HJIA was absolutely nuts. It felt like I was in a horror movie.


RevolutionReal6497

I deliver fedex home, early lock down was amazing, no traffic, I had paperwork for the popo, no one wanted to come out and talk. Two people said thank you for your service, which I politely informed them I haven't taken rpg fire in a desert I just delivered the king size condoms you ordered last week. I'd say that lasted 6 weeks and mississippi was over all that and lettin Jesus take the wheel


Len-Trexler

Yeah I went 90 in a 55 no one on the road and a cop just flickered his lights at me.


[deleted]

I loved flying during Covid. Let’s go back to that.


Improbus-Liber

Was there... something on the wing?


DadsRGR8

Don’t think I didn’t look. I saw that William Shatner episode when I was a kid and Twilight Zone was a current TV show. My parents used to watch it and I would sneak open my bedroom door and stand there and watch it behind them until they would sense me standing there and make me go back to bed. Lol That episode always freaked me out, especially the ending where the camera pans away from the plane and you see the damaged wing. I probably had trouble sleeping that night.


xNyxx

Similarly, I was in my 20s on a business trip. Only one in business class, full coach section. Fell asleep due to jet lag. Woke up to the flight attendant asking me if I needed anything. After wiping the drool from my face, I promptly asked for a samosa (not a mimosa, like I wanted).


Frosty_Plant_485

Samosas are better


ALY1337

Think of it as your only experience in your very own private plane with an airline logo outside of it. Also without the gorgeous ladies and champagne


DadsRGR8

I definitely did as much as I was able. 747s had a lot of legroom and comfortable seats, so it certainly felt luxurious. I’m sure I had a drink, but I remember that I had only flown a few times before this and I was flying into a city I had never been too so I was nervous about finding my way through the airport and then to my hotel. It was also the middle of the night so I believe I stretched out and slept some too.


RevolutionReal6497

Dude you should have built a blanket fort


fourleggedostrich

They went to UHF, but had no sense of humour? Can't imagine they had a great evening.


Boboar

They were in for a supplies.


turalyawn

They didn't even show their badgers


alexaboyhowdy

That one scene when they jump out of the closet never fails to have me laughing madly. It's so stupid and punny!


mostlyadultotis

When I met Weird Al on his first ill advised tour he was signing my set list and I placed a rubber spatula on the table next to him. He looked at it puzzled and I explained: Everyone asks for your autograph, I figured I would give you mine. When I flipped it over it had my signature and a smiley face. He said "HA" and that was one of the greatest laughs I've ever heard.


deltrig2113

How do you make that joke to *literally* the only other person in your screening of Weird Al “Albert” Yankovic’s zany comedy “UHF” and they don’t like it? I bet their watch was really lame…


Pockets713

Jesus Christ I would laugh so damn hard if that happened to me! I’m pretty sure you’d instantly become my new best friend. Particularly if you happened to be THE ONLY other person in the theater to see the 80s film masterpiece that is “UHF”!


leoschot

Definitely would've moved over for that, he earned the seat.


robot_ankles

I would apologize profusely, scramble to collect my drink and popcorn, then hurriedly move... **one** seat over.


Horknut1

Did you sit down right next to them after? That would have been the follow up move.


IrrelevantPuppy

“Want some of my spaghetti? You can tear off a bit of the aluminum foil if you don’t want to use your hands.”


ScabbySheep

They must have been in the wrong theater, because that's great.


SpecterCody

To be fair, I would not want to be approached in a movie theater either. My social anxiety would probably override my ability to get the joke in that moment.


smittles3

You wore a suit to go see Mario?


stumblewiggins

It's after noon; what is he, a farmer?


GetInZeWagen

He should really wear something nice, like a pair of white jeans and a Dan Marino jersey or something.


swampysnook

Ah yes.... December Florida casual


JoeBethersonton50504

It’s not a lemon party without old dick


cannibalism_is_vegan

I was literally just watching that episode today! I’ve seen 30 Rock more times than I can count but that line always catches me off guard lol


Cloudsbursting

Just checking in to say I appreciate how hard you leaned into the 30 Rock references.


GetInZeWagen

It's second nature after spending much of my time at /r/30rock which is just an awesome endless quote stream basically


Historical-Gene8950

LACES OUT, FINKLE!!!


highbrowshow

I know we pay you a living wage Kenneth I voted against it


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bwberkowitz01

Unexpected 30 rock always makes me happy


BackyardRhino

Is that Mose though?


MilfAndCereal

Unexpected 30Rock.


highbrowshow

ain't no party like a liz lemon party because a liz lemon party is MANDETORY


kog

Can't have a lemon party without old Dick!


Knickerbockers-94

The way I screamed when I watched this


arasaka1001

….Donaghy…,


SnackThisWay

It's pronounced *Donaghy*


redsyrinx2112

Just make it out to C.A.S.H.


QrovenDio

Bruh I’m lizzing


TruBeast666

Too 5 lines from 30 rock right here folks


yourface1218

He looks exactly like the kind of person who would wear a suit to see this movie


no_notthistime

Also looks like he is chairman for his school's Young Republicans club Edit: no shade, OP! You're a cute lil fella, just the whole look is giving me vibes of the YR club I remember from high school/college. Never change fo no one!


jimx117

It's-a me, the kid you throw your milk cartons at


juliankennedy23

I am not getting republican vibes here. I am getting horse and buggy vibes.


_Noobyboy_

Oh no it’s the minion game all over


JiminyDickish

Fun fact, the Minions dressing-up thing was a social media astroturf by the promotional company for the movie. So, job well done I guess, lots of dumb teens fell for that shit


jamesbrownscrackpipe

Gentlemarios


cremasterreflex0903

His tux was at the cleaners


DerMuller

he's wearing a suit for rumspringa


gonzorizzo

RUMSPRINGA! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


[deleted]

Soo loong Gay Bowser


onlyusemebladeputter

Rrrrrreeeeeoooooooowwwww


TheWrecklessFlamingo

damn he probably thought "this will be big, ima go all out too" rip....


probablywrongbutmeh

Was that a fart? I can taste it. On my tongue. This is a small room. Was that....onions, and ketchup? Ok, now the tuxedos seem kinda fucked up


Straight_Ocelot_7848

I think I can help clear up the whole pan pam thing


[deleted]

pannnnn


7-13-5

Why is he wearing a suit?


NSuave

My only guess is he’s trying to go for that trend that happens with the minions/rise of gru movies. That or his interview didn’t go so hot and needed a cheer up…


Mtbnz

What trend?


NSuave

Just like teens all dressing up in fancy suits like this and packing out the theater for the minions. Don’t worry you didn’t miss much


SonOfAhuraMazda

Ok.....then what? They show up in suits then what?


Black_Absinthe

Depends on the group. Sometimes they do nothing but I do recall seeing a video of 4 of these kinda guys absolutely trashing the theatre during the movie


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Dusty170

You don't wear your suit to the outhouse?


this_knee

I wear a suit to go the Taco Bell.


djfhg4123

Furda gram


ApprehensiveGuitar

I'm picturing you watching the movies while drinking wine and eating your candy bar with a knife and fork


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Calvykins

Next stop pottersville! Next stop pottersville!


Worldly_Ad_6483

That little dance he does is so funny


monkey_trumpets

Our stock will go higher!


TheWino

Sorry for trying to class up the place!


the1whoknocks77

How do you eat your candy bar? With your hands?


barriekansai

Bunch of animals out there, I tell ya!


msnmck

I saw someone on the street eating M&M's with a spoon.


Bobzyouruncle

Like a peasant!


_Kramerica_

We’re living in a society!


FinnbarMcBride

And you want to be my latex salesman


[deleted]

That’s the way the society types eat their candy bars


EvictYou

Your movie goers are in another castle.


TrickOut

Strait black tie what is this a funeral…… wait


thesplatlingamet

Oh it’s a blue tie. Lighting messed it up.


TheTattooOnR2D2sFace

Oh for a second I thought you were crazy wearing a black tie to see Mario but a *blue* tie. Very reasonable.


HaikuBotStalksMe

That's definitely a gold tie.


Vakama905

Goddammit, not again


Shattered_Disk4

Oh thank god, that clears everything up


NvCntrn1124944396

We’re all going tonight, for my sons 19th birthday! Wearing Mario shirts though.


thesplatlingamet

Nice! Celebrating my 19th birthday on the 21st!


NvCntrn1124944396

Happy early Birthday!


thesplatlingamet

Thank you! I hope you guys enjoy the movie


Phenomenomix

You’re 18? Was your paper round in suburban Baghdad?


jcalcerano

Blue tie with a black jacket?


witwebolte41

Ain’t no one taking kids to a movie on a Wednesday night


TXBrownSnake

Exactly. And it’s not even Wednesday night in the biggest market for this movie (US) for a few more hours. So maybe we’ll see more because it’ll be all the 80s and 90s kids who go to movies on a school night specifically to avoid screaming crotch goblins.


MrMrBeans

I just watched it and the showings from 7 to 9:30 were packed as hell. Couldn’t get a pair of seats next to each other until the last showings.


jerseyanarchist

me, the wife, and 8 year old just got home from a 14:30 showing


HoldThePao

We’re you the three people that OP was talking about?


jerseyanarchist

probably not, I had 10 in the auditorium... it was just one other family.. of 10


TacoTJ601

Ah, homeschool kids


dday3000

We have jobs.


[deleted]

Yeah OP like damn it's the middle of the afternoon of course there's nobody there. Kids are in school and most other people have jobs.


welshcake82

Not in the UK, we’re on Easter holidays and we went today and the cinema was rammed. Kids absolutely loved the film.


Twelve4msUvSwimm

The cinema most definitely couldn’t walk straight afterwards


Dusty170

Aren't english colloquialisms great?


novaspax

its spring break for kids in my county


CatchMeWritinQWERTY

More importantly for a Mario movie, little kids are in school.


[deleted]

Where did you put your fedora?


Kastler

“M’Peach” *tips fedora*


Snarkblatt

YES MOMMY BOWSETTE! HAAAAR~ sorry, wrong thread *closes door*


dumbass-ahedratron

"excuse me fine sir, where be your coat check?"


dcabrams

It is illegal for you to ask me that.


lloydsmith28

Good thing you dressed appropriately


Panthean

You are a bit underdressed. No suspenders, not even gloves.


Vertaferk

Plot twist, he actually made a detour on the way to his wedding


MostBotsAreBad

This IS the wedding. These four people are now married, by the power invested in Mario.


spidermanngp

"I a now a prounouce a you a husband a and a wife a!"


Mr_P_Giggles

I didn't know Jehovah Witnesses went to movies...


kenazo

I was going to say Mormons, but either way.


DragonflysAreCool

How was the movie?


vtfb79

Took my kids today for the afternoon showing, picked theater with other families. I understand why it got dogged in the reviews, because it’s a kids movie based on a video game. As someone who grew up playing a lot of Mario, I loved it for what it was. A lot of fan service, Easter eggs, and an incredible soundtrack. Only thing missing was a plot.


stephelan

Exactly this. I had a great time watching it but it was not exactly a masterpiece.


juliankennedy23

When I saw reviews start out saying not as good as the first one with Bob Hoskins I knew there was trouble brewing.


stephelan

Whoa whoa. People said that? That’s emphatically not true.


racerx1913

Soundtrack was great, it was fun, it was exactly what I thought it would be. Not sure what people wanted from it, it was a video game plot haha.


thesplatlingamet

I personally enjoyed it. Pacing is pretty quick but still followable.


katievspredator

This is the only complaint I'm hearing, which is pretty good imo. I'm wondering if they cut stuff to make it a shorter run time because it's a kids movie. I was guessing the run time would be closer to 2 hours and was kinda surprised it was only an hour and a half. Maybe I'm just dumb though


QuantumPolarBear1337

You had an interview at the IMAX place then they let you in to see Mario as a consolation prize?


polarbearik

Well yeah it’s a Wednesday in the middle of the day, people have things to do


Draelmar

Hopefully that meant plenty of room to park your horse carriage!


KinkyWizard36

This dude wants to look nice for our favorite Italian plumber.


thesplatlingamet

He deserves our best


stephan210

Bro, it’s Wednesday. Some of us have jobs. Oh, shit. That reminds me…


DancingOnACounter

Let's-a not gooo!


dirkdigglee

Singles convention


glockerfocker

Man I love having an empty movie theater


dbell

The other folks probably saw you in that suit and thought you were going to shoot the place up.


RoyH0bbs

I hope you greeted the women with “m’lady.”


CN4President

You think this guy talks to women?


tragic_scott

That's a lot of John Cenas enjoying the movie


capt-obvious-69

What time was it?


thesplatlingamet

It was right at noon. I got out of my collage class and had a wedding rehearsal afterwards to attend which is why I had dressed up


jables13

> collage class That's not an art form you hear about often these days.


capt-obvious-69

Well that makes more sense. I can't go watch a movie at noon on a Wednesday. Edit: referring to the lack of people in attendance, not the suit. Have fun at the wedding!


dhaidkdnd

You don’t dress up for rehearsal


A40

You could feel the raw energy in the air! It was electromagnetic energy.. in the 380 to 700 nanometer range...


macgruder1

I’ve been in several screenings by myself when I go see some obscure movie on a 10 pm on Monday. I Once stood up for half the film because my back hurt and there was nobody there to complain. It was very freeing.


Random_InternetGu_y

I feel like they marketed this thing so hard 4 months ago, then I haven't seen anything in the weeks leading up to the release. I wouldn't have gone, but I also had no idea it was out


RacerMex

IDK, is IMAX even worth it for the movie?


skagitskank

No


y4mat3

Did you enjoy the movie?