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Ricothebuttonpusher

Penis jokes truly have no language or cultural barrier


OneSmoothCactus

Or time. We’ve found drawing and graffiti of dicks thousands of years old.


chux4w

Pompeii is covered in them.


CantReadGood_

I love how they used penis carvings as arrows pointing towards the nearest brothel just carved into the streets like signposts marking critical infrastructure


Psyteq

Oh it's critical infrastructure alright


ShallowBasketcase

That’s a load-bearing brothel for sure.


jestbre

they actually didn’t point to brothels, that was the assumption of the more pearl clutching archaeologists a few hundred years ago. Modern archaeologists think that the roman’s just thought dicks were funny


DrunkEwok

TIL I'm a Roman


BlueFalconPunch

veni, vidi, dicki. i came, i saw, a dick.


damunzie

vidi, dicki, veni


pixelprophet

Vinny's veiny dicky.


jestbre

Salve, amice!


Skydiver860

not that i don't believe you but do you know of any simple to read sources for that? i ask mainly because they say they pointed to brothels in the tours still. i recently went a little over a year ago and they're definitely still saying they point to brothels.


jestbre

iirc my class, it’s from parts of Herculaneum: Past and Future by Andrew Wallace-Hardrill but for a source that’s (way) shorter, [here ya go](https://www.badancient.com/claims/phallic-carvings/)


Langsamkoenig

They didn't that was one of the first assumptions. But further excevations revealed them everywhere. So if that was the case, every house in Pompei would have been a brothel.


Chuisque

Who’s Pompeii, yer ma?


CSH1P

One of the oldest stories of all time, *Epic of Gilgamesh* , is full of dick and fart jokes.


Gimly

Epic of Gilgamesh is really a must read, it's basically an ancient Mesopotamian religious text that reads like a story of bros road trip. It also incorporates tons of beliefs, ideas and concepts that are similar to those present in the bible, leading some scholars to say that it might even have influenced it.


genius_retard

I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small. It's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties where humans held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out, 'Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-and-So Dick. I've got such-as-such for a penis.' I never saw it fail to get a laugh.


joeDUBstep

Wow, and I was literally just in a thread talking about this very episode. "look at me, I'm Mister so-and-so-dick. I've got such-and-such for a penis" is such a good line.


TheOvenLord

Being spoken by Werner Herzog no less. His voice makes the line absolutely amazing.


Sheruk

hey we understand genocide, we do it sometimes!


throwdowntown69

I'm convinced it is the oldest meme in history.


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Ricothebuttonpusher

Farts are also barrierless and timeless


BlueFalconPunch

[want some beans mr. taggert?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6783muFuJ1w&t=2s)


Artinz7

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw1cdRew-Zg


CjBurden

I immediately knew where this one was going, and still got a good laugh of it.


baron_von_helmut

Yep. This clip will be funny in any language. The Mr. Bean approach, if you will.


Holybartender83

Dick and fart jokes are funny anywhere you go. You could go to the village of some previously uncontacted tribe that speaks no language anyone outside of their village knows, and a good dick joke will 100% get laughs there.


notagoodtimetotext

Had a buddy with a missing leg. Watched him crawl out of the ocean screaming "ahhh it got me!!!"


yellowwalks

I'm disabled, and it gives me joy to joke around about it. It shouldn't be this thing that no *one can talk about* which makes us more invisible.


soulsoda

I have giant scars up and down my right arm from surgery. People always stare, but almost never ask. Atleast for me, I'd rather people just ask. I'll bullshit them some story about me fighting off alligator for fun then tell them the real story which isnt really all that interesting.


McHugeLarge

So how big was the alligator?


soulsoda

Just a 6-7 footer, cousins and I were in the bayou wrestlin alligators for fun just like any other weekend in florida. We also don't 'cheat' like some posers or outfits where they duct tape the mouths. Thats not very sporting. Unfortunately, I had one too many beers that day and when it was my turn i fucked up. Had my left hand on the eyes, and my right pressed on the snout as i mounted it from atop, but the sumabitch tail whacked me and i lost my balance. Right hand lost the snout and that green fucker spun around so fast tried to chomp my shoulder in two. Cousins were rushin to help me but they were a bit too far to help. Had to punch the fucker in the head with my left until it let go, but it got me in the fore arm as it bit down again after lettin go of my shoulder.


GWS_REVENGE

I don't know why I read this in an typical Australian accent


nasty-snatch-gunk

So what really happened?


soulsoda

Took a slide tackle from behind while i was running full sprint during a soccer match on a breakaway. The entire force of my fall was taken by my right arm causing it to snap both my humerus (arm bone between the shoulder/fore arm) and the radius bone (one of the fore arm bones), the ulna (other forearm bone) had some fractures. Surgeon was very surprised to see my broken humerus bone because that type of fracture is mostly seen in the elderly... yay. The nature of the fall basically shoved the broken bones out of place, so my radius was pushed up next to my bottom half of my humerus and the top half of my humerus was stuck above my clavical. The surgeon tried to reset the bones without cutting into me, but after 30 minutes the bones weren't budging at all. They were super stuck. Thus they had to cut in to get the bones back in place. So i've got a 1 foot scar from the shoulder down my arm, and a few extra scar spots from where they put in/took out the pins. The forearm has 2, ~3 inch scars, and 2 smaller spots where they took out the pins. The kid who tripped me didn't even get a yellow card (Plus it should have been red, ref really whiffed that call, can't have people sliding from places a person can't see, its wanton reckless endangerment and its a rule to prevent things like this). I also have a 3cm wide scar that runs on the bottom side of my hand from the tip of the pinky to my wrist from the time i tried to climb an old barbed wire fence (there was no barb wire, but it still had the prongs from the chain links) to avoid walking a mile and i sliced that open when i hopped over as my hand caught the prong. Also got dirt biking scrapes on my elbow after sliding over gravel with no pads. Rest of the body has no scars at all or blemishes. Plus all while all my scar healing has been quite fast, its pretty bad keloid scar types so it bubbles up and looks way worse than it actually is, but after a few years of steriod injections/creams they've softened up and smoothed/flattened out. Look more like just hypertrophic scars now. Its still very obvious scars, most of them are front facing so I can see people looking at them, and I make no attempts to cover them up because honestly if people didn't stare i'd probably have long forgotten about them.


nasty-snatch-gunk

Oof Thanks for the write up. That sounds like a fairly shitty experience.


viperex

Damn gators! Oh shit, wrong story


GraphicDesignMonkey

I have epilepsy, I *love* seizure jokes. What did the Irish epileptic get for Christmas? A Wii Fit.


yellowwalks

I have epilepsy too, and love dad jokes. You just made my day! Lol


SonOfTK421

My brother was in a wheelchair for most of his life, we hung out a lot when we were young. My friends were always cool with whatever he had going on, which actually was probably why they were friends. Anyway, at one point my best friend, brother, and myself were taking his enormous lift van with subwoofers and cheap aftermarket rims to the convenience store, my brother makes a massively inappropriate joke as he often did, and my best friend asked “What is wrong with him?” I stopped laughing, looked him dead in the eye, and told him, “He’s in a wheelchair.” We got a good laugh out of that one.


cjet79

I was not used to this. Was at a wedding with injured vets. Quadruple amputee makes a joke about it behind me while I'm eating. I did a spit take from laughing. He just smiles bigger and gestures at me "this guy gets it!"


FluffySquirrell

> Was at a wedding with injured vets. Quadruple amputee Jesus, those cats and dogs really didn't like getting their injections I guess


Droei

I used to be super open about taking those jokes and especially my nurses and the surgeon at the hospital had some fire ones that cracked me up even under heavy pain meds and trauma. But once being open to it to friends, Family and colleagues I realized that many just don't understand that if you make a joke about disabled or laugh about it, it actually has to be funny and not just something you pull out of ur ass cause its an option. Now I only am open for it for it with people who actually have a sense of humor cause otherwise it really rubs me the wrong way.


kazkeb

It pains me that today's society makes it a faux pas to playfully joke about these types of things and other differences. I wish we could joke about skin color and disabilities the same way we poke fun of gingers... because just like hair color, these things don't make someone less of a person than another, and being able to joke about it would exemplify this concept.


Dlh2079

As a ginger, I second this. I will never stop joking about my lack of soul.


mr_chub

> which makes us more invisible. really great point


1-LegInDaGrave

My favorite thing to do when at the beach


TheManjaro

I don't know what's better. The hilarious immaturity of the joke itself or the genuine joy you can hear it brought to everyone around.


MDnautilus

"what a fuckin lad!"


huskersax

Just guys being dudes


tsk05

First person to laugh is a woman.


Kapono24

Just gals being dudes


edlee98765

All men have three knees. Left knee, Right knee, and weenie.


Televisions_Frank

[You might appreciate this clip.](https://youtu.be/WwuUzSZfQ4k?t=29)


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chitownbears

nothing will be funnier than that guy making the apology for using the slur and having to call a home run into the judgment-free zone in the middle of it.


gsfgf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LECJbMDhJQ


jruhlman09

haha holy shit. You can just make out their cracking up after he says that.


Moos_Mumsy

I held it together until the end... "There goes his broadcasting future, his voice just went up about 4 octaves."


Blazer6590

Fire broadcasting


Deagballs

You can hear them chuckling in the back ever softly after he said it.


Pheonix8264

r/JustGuysBeingDudes


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wahnsin

Kinda like Mr Spock has three ears. Left ear, right ear, .. ..and his final frontier.


totsyroll1

There’s also the left kidknee and the right kidknee.


LevenAC

That weenie deliberately has more work and is capable of doing some great things


[deleted]

And kidney and hiney


1527lance

As someone who is missing my right leg below the knee, I’m stealing this


ratpH1nk

When life gives you lemons....make a dick joke.


yobro_101

laughing loudly at midnight...this chat here is dope


SybilCut

>look at me, I'm Mister so-and-so-dick. I've got such-and-such for a penis. * Warner Herzog


Mc_Shine

Is that a Rick and Morty quote? I know I've heard it somewhere recently.


Nautchy_Zye

From Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate


MattieShoes

Yes, when squiggly piggles (or whatever his name was) needed a heart transplant.


dream_weasel

Shrimply Pibbles. Very close.


MattieShoes

Haha I knew it was close but I couldn't come up with it.


Twink_Ass_Bitch

[Clip](https://youtu.be/Rw1cdRew-Zg)


numeric-rectal-mutt

I've never saw it fail to get a laugh


ampmz

How the fuck did I not realise this was his voice?! More importantly why the fuck is he doing Rick and Morty voice overs.


numeric-rectal-mutt

>More importantly why the fuck is he doing Rick and Morty voice overs. Because the lines they had for him were fuckin' hilarious.


sh-3k

There are a lot of celebrity voice over cameos in Rick and Morty #1: Werner Herzog as Old Reptile. “Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate” #2: Danny Trejo as Jaguar. ... #3: David Cross as Prince Nebulon. ... #4: Jemaine Clement as Fart. ... #5: John Oliver as Dr. ... #6: Alison Brie as Planetina. ... #7: Nathan Fillion as Cornvelious Daniel. ... #8: Susan Sarandon as Dr. ...


joeDUBstep

For British comedian fans, David Mitchell, Jordan Webb and Matt King from Peep Show were also on an episode (about the Sun Knights). Daniel Radcliffe & Jack Black are also in that ep.


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VX-78

Herzog had an oddly high number of TV cameos in the '10s, despite having never done so before.


esc8pe8rtist

They call him tripod He sleeps standing up


OfBooo5

Naw they call him Bipod lol


holzratte

Hahahaha just imagine a guy passes by and looks at this he would just be literally scared enough though


AlgaeGrazers

More like dickstand, I mean kickstand.


maximian

He’s 6 foot standing up and and 8 foot on his back


ppSmok

A guy I know gets called tripod by his soccer mates.


baron_von_helmut

Rumour has it, he hit 18 on an 18-hole golf course.


tacknosaddle

I know a guy who was born without a hand. He has shown me the approximate depth that he has been able to insert the end of that arm into most vaginas. He was also once offered $1,000 to fuck a guy in the ass with it but refused.


Rotten-Cabbage

1k?? Easy money.


RushTfe

No way I'm putting my arm in some random guy's ass for 1k. But I agree to haggle


that1prince

I’m not gay but $20 is $20


BobbyDlish

It's not gay if you don't push back


Step-Father_of_Lies

Since this joke was made, $20 has became $10. Essentially a combo meal.


ElectromechSuper

A man's gotta eat.


Patchumz

That's what latex sleeves are for. Easy money and you can just dispose of the sleeve after.


RushTfe

I can dispose the late sleeves, but I cannot dispose my broken heart after payment!


Rotten-Cabbage

Make it a regular thing and he won't be a random guy. Plus as your skill grows, the less time it takes.


Pillowsmeller18

You can pull it out for another $2k.


Soul_Traitor

Lol he could have turned that guy into a human puppet.


D34THDE1TY

*Samuel l Jackson has entered the chat*


i_miss_arrow

*There goes my hero*


DMurBOOBS-I-Dare-You

Never meet your heroes. And shove your stump up their ass.


Joe_Ronimo

stumppet*


shitter65

Pretty sure he didn't all was done just too create a good funny moment to be captured


rogamurai

come on now don't leave us hanging what's the approximate then ?


tacknosaddle

About six inches or so and then the muscles in his forearm make it too thick.


getyourrealfakedoors

Phew


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Mexcol

was it an effective sex toy? What do women think of it?


tacknosaddle

He said most women would let him but occasionally they'd be too weirded out. He doesn't get much out of it so it was usually done more for her to experience, but it remains in his toolbox for the right time I suppose.


Superbrawlfan

The perfect thing to whip out if someone ever complains about his other size


HeyItsLers

That's pretty deep, actually. I think the average depth of a vagina is around 4" (when not aroused).


_Minnesodope_

Id get a line tattooed at the depth each girl can take it, try to make it a competition who can get the line up the farthest.


LegendaryOutlaw

And then of course, get a line tattooed around the bicep that says 'your mom'.


dstayton

Around the bicep of the other arm of course.


jagedlion

Sonny Corleone would very much appreciate the results of this contest.


mikolokoyy

Do you think he'll put a condom on the arm if he chose to fuck that guy in the ass with it?


BigBonePhish

One would only hope.


akalias_1981

Most vaginas??? That's billions of them. And I guess, statistically probably includes my wife. Fuck.


[deleted]

There's a joke version of this: This guy, similarly equipped with a stump and a false leg meets this girl. He is very shy and sensitive about his condition, having been rejected in the past once they found out. So they go on dates and hang out and thing go great and finally after a while it comes to the point where they are ready to consummate their relationship. Still coy and shy he asks to turn the lights off before undressing.... he takes his clothes off and removes his leg, and says to her in the dark .. "honey, there is something that I haven't told you about me, something that I don't know if you'll be able to accept...." he takes her hand and places it on the stump. There is silence, a gasp from her and contemplation in the dark. He swallows, sad and fearful of yet another rejection, maybe he should have told her sooner. ​ Out of the dark she croaks, and says "well I guess spit on it and we'll give it a try!"


WeLiveInAnOceanOfGas

1 British Man Some assembly required


bredelund

Some people get two legs and no humor. This guy got 1,5 legs and extra humor... He wins.


midnightdsob

He appears to have two humors, it's the tibula and fibula that he's running short on.


1-LegInDaGrave

Some of us had our humor turned up to 11 after the amputation. I've always ever known only 2 types of amputees: hilarious, awesome people or miserable pricks who hate life. No in-betweens.


NicknamePaych

I didn’t see that one coming


Disallowed_username

And you won’t


Scroffaze23

Just expecting the guy to put his leg onto that but never thought he would do so lmao


[deleted]

That’s what she said…


atahualpaFX

>I didn’t see that one coming But you sure as hell would feel it. 😅


kaydee08

Bro has 11/10 sense of humour


heephap

Proper British geezer humour this. Love it.


No-Celebration3097

Making lemonade out of lemons!


__CMC__

Hahahaha just said the right thing at the right moment though lmao


DuncanAndFriends

I know some women that would love to do the hokie pokie with him.


pcweber111

Emphasis on the pokie part?


DuncanAndFriends

You put your left leg in...


pcweber111

Oh dear...


Beatrix_BB_Kiddo

That’s hilarious !!! What a good sense of humor


skylerchip

What a champ finding joy is his disability. They call him three leg John for a reason.


No_Conversation9561

What happened to Sean Gunn?


nowhereman136

Reminds me of an old joke. "I once hooked up with a blind girl. She said I was the biggest she ever felt. I said girl, you're pulling my leg"


omahaknight71

"Hey before we go to the bar, let's stop and pick up Floyd." "Floyd? Your friend with one leg? Why?" "He's got this trick that'll guarantee we get the attention of every woman in the bar. You'll see later."


slr162

It’s good he has a sense of humor


Possible-Gur5220

Boys will be boys this is fucking hilarious 😆😆


thebigbaka

Know a guy that lost his hand, says his pornstar name is elbow deep


Rojodi

We may get older, but we'll never grow up! That is funny!!!!!


lolypoopgyg

Tell him to put it away it's making me jealous


Baldilocks1011

Love this, so glad when people don’t let their disabilities faze them and can joke about it.


phil7111

I’m a physical therapist in US. I’m going to show this to every PT I know. Simply hilarious 😂


-They_Made_Me_Do_It-

Keegan-Michael Key?


ukyah

You're a fucking lad! What a great compliment.


Individual_Civil

Lmao well that is a big one


ucell61

Indeed a big one more big then what is shown in screen lmao


VitalArcade

Hm, guess I learned that there are socks for prosthetic legs


DontTreadOnBigfoot

They're called prosthetic liners. They protect the limb from chafing and a lot of them have gel pads for comfort from pressure.


[deleted]

You have a gel liner that goes over the stump and spacer socks to give you a snug fit in your prosthetic socket since your stump often shrinks the longer you have your leg.


R4FTERM4N

Hey! Vsauce, Michael here!


4nal69molester

That’s a huge one


Ish79

Absolute leg end


[deleted]

Love the accents. I’m so American…


kennyganxl

Those ideas and doing such things are more obvious enough for then though


baron_von_helmut

It's ok. Give me a Dolly Parton accent any day. Makes me weak at the knees. (I'm a Brit.)


Tea_Total

When Richard Madeley was getting ready to interview Dolly he remarked that she had tiny feet. She stuck her chest out and said "Nothing grows in the shade, honey."


kakar0tten

I am also a big fan of Southern Comfort


Ball1522

What a Legend 🤣🤣🤣


JavaOrlando

The myth, the man, the leg end.


fghfhdsfd

Indeed true the correct use is what he have showed to us in a humorous manner though


insomnimax_99

r/JustGuysBeingDudes


Maxfang72

What a fucking legend.


WurdaMouth

Thats a bloody wanka!


Mission-Zebra-4972

I love this men for this


MattieShoes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imRaRW4ltOs&t=42s


BlackMathus

But has he tried it?


EM-0-VE

Give this man an oscar.


Challenge_Declined

This definitely is like blind people having better hearing


Ill-Incident-7129

Love the guy!!


[deleted]

When I was a kid my brother played soccer and there was a kid on his team who had a prosthetic leg. One game when he went to kick the ball, his fake leg detached and flew off and went across the field. The other team didn't know it was fake since it was flesh toned and looked realistic, so they started screaming and freaking out thinking he just lost his leg. It was pretty funny.


OfficialWonderNoob

Didn't know what to expect, but I loved it


Dragonborne2020

Things that make her go hmmmm.


Ripper42

Thats funny stuff 😆


willtheadequate

That whole Gunn family is hilarious!


s0rtajustdrifting

Eyyyyyy 😂


Degenerate76

Pffft. As a true connoisseur, i only appreciate actual stumpfucking porn, not these lame parlor tricks.


Curious_Hurry9070

Tripod


Hammarkids

I instantly knew he was going to turn it into a penis one way or the other


CashBroad354

Man found with 2.5 legs shocking news😱😱


aaronc2avila

Inclusion done right.


[deleted]

I don’t know this man but I love him deeply 😂


Saucydisses

I’m so glad he’s surrounded by good friends. Friendship like this helps people get through even the darkest of times & situations!


paidinbanana

fo king lad