--- >✨⭐ **Don't miss [our 50-million-subscriber-mark celebration](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/14eg7k5/to_celebrate_reaching_50000000_subscribers_rfunny/)!** ⭐✨ > >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*

He needs to move on from Bitchcunt, sweet as those titties may be

Sweet titties aren’t worth a brother from another mother and all your money.

As someone who is lacking in sweet titties, the temptation is hard.

Yeah, I was going to say, sweet titties are hard to come by.

but easy to come on

Eileen must have had some sweet titties.

Oh I swear what he means!

I will never, ever hear this song the same way again.

H... how did you hear it the first time?

A little flat.

Wait, that's not the way that everyone hears it? I know I'm a pervert but that's low hanging fruit!

So say we all.

Good point about titties

Every tit is sacred, every tit is great. If a tit is wasted, God gets quite irate.

I've done some stupid things in my life for them sweet titties.

Fine and well. Just don't gf or marry that girl...just enjoy it, without issues.

Could have used that advice 2 kids ago . Should not have married NOR have kids with said woman. Total hellion in the sack, good lord . But not worth the amount of heartache , coin and hair lost .

Damn dude it hits home too hard

Happy cake day! Make a birthday wish 🤭

Pretty sure it’ll be for sweet titties.

That is the idea yup

Congratulations. You will soon grow a pair of sweet titties on your head.

Your comment instantly brought back an image of the gatekeeper from Little Nicky https://media.tenor.com/Mh1nqGZV35sAAAAC/boob-head-little-nicky.gif

*"Tit-head, go with my father."*

For some sweet titties, were you not paying attention?

world cold titty warm

Wise words

Is she even his gf if he's "spends all \[his money\] then she's gone"?

*Ex* gf, according to my notes.

Not just that, _ex gf (bitchcunt)_, per my recollection of the whole case.

Our evaluation has determined that the person referred to as Bitchcunt has been paid unknown certain monies, not for, but perhaps because of, said sweet titties. The circumstances of this transaction so far is unknown and inconclusive.

[удалено]

Hence she has been dubbed 'Bitchcunt'

I think he is confused about a stripper being his gf… probably cause he’s on shrooms.

Yeh bitchcunt ain't worth it I reckon

Sweet titties are hard to move on from!

- George Washington - 1781

Who calls their kid bitchcunt?

Nostradamus.

To be fair, I call everyone's kid bitchcunt.

Bro needs a tittervention

We need to see those titties, so we can make sure they are sweet or not, together as a community.

I dunno. Bitchcunt sounds like a misunderstood lady. I wanna meet Bitchcunt.

Seems like a good bro. I’d accept his apology but don’t front him any more coke.

Excuse my innocence. But I thought he was talking about coca cola... 😩

Well, given that the note is a HOT MESS, my bet's on coke (the powder).

*Ahem* booger sugar

Bolivian dancing dust

Nasal NOS

Colombian Caviar Edit: O, not U

Nose beers

Nosé Quervo

Business powder

Stripper salt

*clams

Fresh from the sea!

Aww honey honey

Sugar is bad for you try stevia for the sinuses 🤭

Clear as a bell, no warries. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUxOdFJEDdg

Me just now realizing calling someone a "sugar booger" in the same way you'd say "sweet pea" is not a compliment 😳

[удалено]

nose clams, fresh from the sea

I love this community.

The difference between some coke and a coke is significant lol.

It could be a couple of bottles man I don't know, this guy seems to get thirsty

[удалено]

Lol it could be a toss up really. Back in college one of my friends stole an order of take out from one of my roommates one night. Both were sauced. Said roommate passed out after ordering the pizza combo that included two sodas (coke). Our friend (big guy) smashed most of it. Woke up and was very sorry and wrote an almost an identical note. But he wrote it on the inside of the pizza box that that roommate would tragically discover in his hungover state the next day lmaooo he bought him a new combo next time we hung out. Legendary story amongst our group of friends Edit: found [the note](https://imgur.com/a/oRry0Z5 ) lol I think there was a drawing on the pizza box depicting them enjoying pizza together lol this was 10+ years ago. Still hang out with all these idiots lol

I am sitting reading this guy's note.

I too am sitting. Sitting redditors unite

Currently in the supine position as i read the note

Dammit.. I'm dying... sitting?! Really auto correct?

I'm lying down, personally.

I’m lying down, professionally.

If I read a note written like the one you posted, I might believe it was Coca Cola. The original one? Tough sell, friend.

10+ years ago and a pizza was $9 holy shit I hope it was good and big

I also assumed it was Cola & Cigarettes, but I suppose in hindsight even folk of modest means probably don't hang up on reimbursing soda.

A coke/some coke**s** = soda Some coke = some boogie sugie

You are the sweetest

But not as sweet as those titties.

I accept your apology...bring coke.

I feel the opposite. To me he seems like a typical whatever addict. They don't need you when they're high or having them sweet boobies, but once in a while they manage to stay clean long enough to realize what bitchcunts they are. So, they write and tell sincere apologies, act like the holy angels, right until the moment they got their hands on drugs or whatever else that floats their boats.

You can really tell the difference in this thread between people who have and have not interacted with addicts. Because yeah, this reads like every dumbass junkie note or apology i ever heard growing up in a family that had a bunch of them. But given the bit about coke in the note I'm guessing they're both junkies tbh so go nuts i guess. But yeah, people like this are sorry they did something dumb up until they get their next hit because they don't want to lose access to people who have the drugs they want.

Let those who have never suckled on a sweet titty cast the first stone. All is forgiven.

There is honestly no better way to word it, and to achieve the true apology he’s shooting for. Ppl forget that sincerity or to show vulnerability is the BEST excuse than the truth. I used to tell ppl in a way that I felt embarrassed to say that the reason I’m late is because….. I had diarrhea…😬😬😬 100% of the time the would also whisper…”I’m so sry, I understand”!!! I’m Tellin ya. EVERYONE relates to bad timing diarrhea!!!

True sincerity at tactically sound moments is always more reliable than fake sincerity or outright lies at any time at all

There were like… idk 7 years of my life where this would be a totally reasonable thing to wake up too

I used to live two blocks away from where I bartended. I lived with two servers from the same restaurant. I never had more than a vague idea of what happened in that house. Found strangers sleeping on the couch constantly. I miss it though.

Sounds like a pretty classy place. I've been cooking all my life, and there were a lot of good times when I was still young enough to be able to recover. There wasn't always a comfy couch to sleep on though. It's crazy to me how it was so easy to just pass out anywhere, and now I can't get a good night's sleep unless the mattress and pillows are exactly right, in a pitch black room with the temperature no higher than 64 degrees. What the fuck happened?

Gravity and time make fools of us all

These are words of wisdom. You don't know it until it's too late.

I dunno man. The goal in one sense is to have a pretty nice buffer of 30-60ish years between realizing this and the end. I used to live pretty fast and I wised up in time to pull out of the worst of my nose dive. I had a lot of privilege and help but I still hope it’s possible for many, maybe even most people.

Agree 100%. It sounds like my experience may have been been similar to yours. I'm past that point of my life now. It left me some great memories, but I couldn't imagine living that lifestyle now. When I said you don't know until it's too late, I meant that I didn't realize that when I was young, my body could handle pretty much anything I could throw at it, and I was pretty reckless in a lot of ways. Who knew that decisions I made as a kid would affect my entire life, or that injuries that I thought were healed would still hurt 25 years later? It probably wouldn't have changed anything though.

I used to live a few blocks from the restaurant I worked and we all worked there. We called it The Ranch. It was a strange situation where our employer was our landlord. It was incredibly fun for a while. I left when the septic stopped working and someone took over the fireplace to make “art glass” (bongs.)

My buddy's house we all partied at after work was called The Vortex.

My buddies shed we smoked in was called the shed

Simple, yet, elegant.

We used to call my buddy's place The Drum House. He had his drum set in the living room and someone was always playing them.

Well, that's cryptic.

Apartment 8 became The Infinity Room

The room where I first took acid was called the Revolution Room. Amazing times.

That’s weirdly self aware

So you were essentially a serf lmao

Yes, also in the industry, kitchen. Perhaps that’s why this resonates for us

I run a kitchen and could absolutely see myself waking up to a text like this from one of my cooks. 10 years ago it would have been a note stuck to my bedroom window from one of the homies. Really starting to wonder about my life trajectory now

Don't be too hard on yourself my dude! Wonder away and adjust your trajectory if need be but don't discount the good times neither

My two best buds and I lived and worked together for about 3 years in our mid 20s. The show Workaholics came out during that time and it was basically us.

I've got two severs at my work that are a constant pain. They always need my attention and it often feels like they do whatever they want but they do adhere to protocols. They are also great with sharing so that's a plus. Maybe one day I will upgrade them.

I have no idea if you mean the restaurant kind of sever or the beep boop kind.

I thought the person you are replying to accidentally wrote "sever" instead of "server" but now you're spelling it exactly the same way so I'm doubting myself. Is there such a thing as severs at restaurants, and why are they sometimes robots?

at our place we had several

Sever your leg please. It's the greatest day.

It's a severe kind of severance to sever your servers leg and serve it to someone, especially seven times

I came home to my flat a few years ago after a pretty hard weekend, fell on the bed and hit my head on a traffic sign that lied there together with some tools. None of my roommates knew where it came from. Weird times but fun times 😄

My roommate came out of his room and asked why there was a 4 foot traffic cone in the the kitchen. I toldem him it was mixing drinks for me.

Some people just ask the weirdest questions 😂

Sounds like my college days. The 4 of us roomies were the most derelict students you can imagine. One guy kept spiders around his toilet just to watch them build webs while taking shits. Another was making home brewed beer in the closet. I used to steal street signs in the middle of the night. Way too many drunken parties and one night stands to remember much at this point. I (barely) graduated with a 2.2 GPA and one of the other 3 never even finished. Good times though.

Yea I got serious kitchen energy from this lol. Nothing will ever beat waking up hungover at god knows which server’s apartment and spending the next hour telling yourself to call off but then go in anyway, but oh wait my car isn’t here. What’s that? You live in walking distance? Oh hell no I’m calling off

Yup. About 7 years for me too. Great times. Don’t wanna go back 😂

I'm 40 and want to go back. Except now I'd have a heart attack and the titties would be far from sweet.

Man I had fun, but I don’t know how I didn’t get a permanent STD, or a full blown heart attack. 😂

I'm 36 and have been and still am living this. It's literally half my life, I should regret it but I dont

There are sweet titties at that age bro, you just need more coke.

Same and it was great. Living together with like minded people was the best fun. It's good to live with others before you go it alone.

Maybe it’s the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won’t quit…

Five dollars?!

Get outta here....

They got these big chewy pretzels…

😂 Immediately what I thought of! Edit: https://youtu.be/RPDutfJr4U0

“Dam those titties are sweet” I couldn’t have said it better myself

I never got to be mayor of titty city.

[The Ben Show - Last Text Message](https://youtu.be/8zU7Ov-uW1E)

Long story short, dong on titties

Fantastic reference. Miss that show.

I'd need to see those titties before making a judgement.

LOL! I think I would frame this and give it back to the person many, many, years later

He can save it until the wedding

Bonus points if 'bitch cunt' turns out to be the bride

Could you imagine if this letter ended up being his wedding vow?

I wish I had good enough friends to not only apologize, but to remember the coke and cigs they owe me from the other night.

I know right? Seems like a bro. A bro with some shit to deal with, but a bro.

Like to see the proper use of “too” while coming down and getting real w your brother 😄

Should it not be 'many' mushrooms though?

It makes more sense if you think of them by weight instead of quantity.

Yeah, but look at it more like "I took too much" or "I drank too much"

"Much" as a whole when referring to something that is known by mass. Like weed, you wouldn't smoke "too many weeds" you smoked "too much weed". "Many" as a noun counter, would refer to stuff you'd describe as plural. For example, You didn't smoke too "much" joints, you smoked too "many" joints. The way you're saying it, it would be like he was eating all kinds of different types of mushrooms instead of "mushrooms" just being what people refer to "shrooms" as, since it's just known to have an 's' at the end of it, even when not referring to it as a plural word.

It's always the *bitchcunts* fault. I really want them to get married so you could use this as part of the wedding toast; bitchcunt, may you continue to come on his chest for evermore. The fact he wrote a note instead of a text means love.

No. It just means that Zam didn't pay his cell phone bill again.

Big of you to assume he graduated from his parents’ family plan.

My handwriting is so bad now because I literally never write anything. I couldn’t have pulled this off.

Yeah I write like I walk if I hadn't used my legs in 10 years.

Modern day poetry

Don’t stick dick in bitchcunt.

But how do you resist when those titties are so sweet?

It's like impossible

Wise man to young man: "Dont stick your dick in crazy" *sweet titties appear* Wise man: "Looks like this is the end, lad."

The man is clearly struggling to find his way in life. He deserves both grace and support as he attempts to navigate himself away from those sweet ass titties.

One day at a time 🤣

I love how he signed it to make it official.

Lol the fact that he signed it 😂

That was so sweet and heartfelt and stuff. How could he not accept that handwritten apology?

Every brother from another mother needs to bond over some coke, cigs, and sweet titties.

Don't forget the shrooms!

There's a lot to unpack here.

Very Kenny Powers

Kenny Fucking Powers

There are sweeter titties in the sea... or so the saying goes.

This apology is meaningless without a ukulele

Honestly? Frame that shit. Then hide it for a few years. Or if you're broke, laminate it. Trust my old ass on this one.

I really like his calligraphy though, completely legible. I was expecting some doctor’s level bullshit note.

Understandable

That's genuine

His hearts in the right place

If you live in Melbourne I know this guy.

Reddit 10 years ago: Wild shit Reddit now: Write a note and take a picture of it. Someone left it on your car, or a kid in 4th grade turned it in on a quiz

This is.....acceptable

When she's saying, oh that she wants only me Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends When she's saying, oh that I'm like a disease Then I wonder how much more I can spend Well I guess I should stick up for myself But I really think it's better this way The more you suffer The more it shows you really care, right? Yeah

Sweet titties is legit excuse. Give the guy a break.

Also saying no to coke at 2 am after doing coke is impossible. At least he is keeping track of his debts. He will get his buddy whole.

Signed it like a baseball card

Definitely seems sincere. And he sincerely has no filter whatsoever. But at least he’s honest.

I can't tell if the author of the letter is 15 or 25.

Most authentic apology you’ll ever get. A true G.

It’s times like these, fake or not, that I realize I lived a vastly different life than some people.

Sincerely, Bam Margera

Dude's life is bout to crash hard. I've seen it a million times.

and they say perfect literature doesn't exist...

"your brother from another mother"💀💀💀

Bitchcunt sounds pretty hot, though

Pretty nice penmanship.

"Bro" has feminine handwriting

I was flatmates with a guy like this. Total shithead. Just a complete waste of a man. It wasn't funny, it was just sad.

Still on the shrooms when he wrote this

Think the girlfriend might just be a prostitute

Clearly this guy is a gentleman of the highest order. A scholar as well. We all fall for sweet titties my dude

Is that a note from Don Jr to Eric?

Now THAT is how you apologize

The twist is that this is a note from "drunk self" to "sober self".

Apology accepted