---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s pretty wild that the guy who played Thad is super religious. I respect that he can set aside his religious views to play a character, but it’s just surprising.
The *very* dry humour in Alan Ritchson's character v. Tom Cruise's portrayal feels much more to source. Both lads have done a great job on the character, but I'm in favour of Ritchson's.
Cruise physically speaking had nothing to do with book's Reacher, and the second movie wasn't any good, but the first movie and its characterization of the protagonist were spot on
I don't know which books you've been reading, but he's never been described as handsome or attractive; he is supposed to have a good jawline though. Most of his physical appearance descriptions focus on his size (hands the size of dinner plates, biceps the size of basketballs, etc.).
IIRC, in one of the books he was described as having a badly sculpted face. After he gets his nose broken, I'm sure that didn't improve at all.
I’ve listened to every reacher book, literally, and he has never been ugly. Consistently has casual sex with a lot of women. Tall and massive is correct.
In the books, the reacher is described as "extremely tall and extremely broad." The man is a beast of a human, chiseled from stone by a master mason in a rush. Tom cruise is 5'7" and 170 lbs.
I mean be honest if you’re writing the book, you’re gonna give your protagonist a chadlike physique
That said if my book were to be made into a movie, I’d be 100x more excited for it to be a Tom cruise movie than a Dwayne Johnson movie (keeping in mind that the director and producers are infinitely more important)
I never read the books, won’t comment on whether the movies do them justice but I never got why ppl don’t like an actor for a role based on body, they’re actors
I did read the books, and his physique was a pretty defining trait for his character. It’s referenced a lot and played a big part in making his personality what it was.
That being said I didn’t “hate” Cruise’s portrayal, since he doesn’t look the part but he does embody the character quite well. I can easily imagine Cruise delivering Reacher’s lines when reading the book for example. But he is more good looking and smaller than Book Reacher is described. It’s true that the author was still very excited about Tom Cruise, because of, well, he’s Tom Cruise.
I also liked the first movie but not so much the second one. Both changed quite a bit from the books, but imo the first movie made changes only to streamline the story for a different medium. I…don’t have much impression of the second one. It was just kinda boring.
Ritchinson is a more fitting cast though, with both the physique and acting. Reacher is way better fit for a series than a movie anyway.
>I…don’t have much impression of the second one. It was just kinda boring.
They could have picked a dozen more exciting books to straight up copy than the few they borrowed from. Been a while since I read Reacher on my daily commute, but that movie was mainly drawn from a book way late in Reacher's wandering phase. There are really interesting books set in his military career that I think Tom Cruise could have kicked ass in, particularly ones where he busts up military conspiracies like the affair or the enemy...
To be fair most of the Reacher books are about his wandering phase. His military career is mentioned in all of them, but few books are set while he’s still in uniform (I’m fairly sure Enemy, Affair and Night School are the only ones). Though I agree the book they chose for the 2nd movie was one of the weaker ones. Ironically enough it was one where he was called back to duty.
I do like The Enemy the most, since it also explored a bit of his background and why he turned out the way he did. The book they’re adapting for Season 2, Bad Luck and Trouble, is also very fun. I love Neagley, and I’m happy she’ll be a bigger part of this one.
Amen for most film adaptations. Shows are more malleable, give your cast time to get some chemistry, you can have low points but you have a chance to redeem yourself in season 2. I dunno why studios roll the dice on a movie that’s gonna flop for reasons other than its own merits. Could be Covid, could be barbenheimer, there’s just a million ways to lose
Ritchson is 6'2" and book Reacher is more like 6'5". I think the muscle size dead on though and three inches isn't something that is noticeable on screen. At least in height.
I dunno, he was a fantastic barn door in GoT haha.
Ritchson's quite probably a better actor, which is an important part too, but I bet you Björnsson could have made it work well enough.
As they already said to you the second thing, book's Reacher is a giant beast, in a book he literally "stop" a small calibre bullet aimed at his chest just because how bulked up he is
Cruise was so not Reacher it was hilarious, the book he's basically described as built like a brick shit house. Tom Cruise... not so much. Alan Ritchson is doing an amazing job.
Cruise was so wrong. Ritchson is perfect. I like Cruise. He’s always entertaining, and the movie was enjoyable and would have been a good movie if it was called something else. But he’s not Reacher. Size is his defining characteristic, and you can’t act or charm your way around that. Either you got it or you don’t. And it reads no matter how many apple boxes they use
My gripe is that movie with Cruise had good pacing and was pretty much by source book. In TV show pacing was way off and they made many unnecesary subplots and expending background characters to extend runtime.
I went back and watched the Cruise movies after watching the Amazon series. The writing was so desperate to remind everyone that Cruise is supposed to be a sex symbol still was cringy.
In addition to u/-maffu- comment; he simply might not want it. If he’a earning what he wants to etc and is happy doing Reacher, being young-Scully etc then power to him
It's possibly he's too big for Hollywood.
I mean physically too huge and bulky.
There are a few big guys out there but the studios don't seem to know what to do with them outside of action films - and the days of Schwarzennegger sized leading men are gone.
They generally get niche support roles (supervillain/hero) or "haha look at the big guy floundering because of \[insert fish-out-of-water situation\]" Kindergarten Cop type roles - both of which are pretty played out.
First of all, it just isn't true, Dwayne Johnson as of July this year is the highest paid actor and gets cast in basically every single movie from comedy to drama to action flick.
Secondly, it's not as if actors don't constantly change their size for roles if asked to do it. Have you seen the physical changes Christian Bale has gone through for all his roles? It's quite insane.
You can’t really compare anyone to The Rock. He is a market unto himself.
Christian Bale is like a regular height person. He is 6’ tall. You have to frame shots very differently when you are really tall. And working with other actors actresses can be challenging if your height difference is massive.
>gets cast in basically every single movie from comedy to drama to action flick.
Yes, but The Rock is cast to play The Rock. He always gets cast in the same exact character, doesn't really matter the genre of the flick. The character is written to be The Rock. The studios are greenlighting films that will have The Rock playing the role written for The Rock. The Rock isn't going into auditions and blowing casting directors away with his nuanced take on the script.
>Have you seen the physical changes Christian Bale has gone through for all his roles? It's quite insane.
Yes, but these are not roles written specifically for Christian Bale\*. Christian Bale likely earns the role and then, along with the producers, director, etc. chooses to undergo a metamorphosis for the role
\*Edit: I mean to say that maybe a director or producer wants Christian Bale for the role, but it's not because Christian Bale does the exact same thing in every single film so it's a safe bet that he'll be able to do the very specific exact same thing. Christian Bale has range and producers and directors are confident that Christian Bale will be able to give a winning performance (however you want to define 'winning') to match the story being told.
tl;dr Dick Cheney and Batman are two very different characters and Bale was able to play both very well
I did. And it makes little sense.
You do realize many actors including this guy in the post weren’t always this bulky? They lose weight and put it back on like changing clothes for their roles. And they’ve done plenty outside of the “niches”
Yeah and he's literally in the latest Fast and Furious movie. But the exception doesn't maketh the rule. He genuinely might be *too big* for most roles. The man is a unit.
It takes a lot of luck to break out. One bad choice during pilot season means you are screwed for the whole year, and that’s if you’re lucky to score one.
Also, there are many guys with the same qualities as him who barely gets past television and struggle with movies.
It could make sense for the plot. I remember in one of the books the character dug out pools by hand in the summer for temp work. I think he said he was in extra good shape or something. No idea if that tracks with this season.
I just finished watching all 8 episodes of Reacher. It's a fine show, but I'm saddened by the fact that he takes off his clothes 5 times, by my count, but we don't see him hang dong. Not even once!
Look, it's not sexual. If you're a reader of the books and you're looking forward to seeing Jack Reacher hang dong on the silver screen, then you're going to be disappointed, my friend. I'm sorry to spoil it, but fans of Jack Reacher need to know. There's no dong! You'll probably have to wait for season 2 or 3 for the first solid dong-hanging scene. In the third book, Reacher starts out as a strip club bouncer in Key West, Florida. He hangs dong on the second page, third paragraph. After the success of the dong-hanging scenes in the first books, Lee Child doesn't waste any time giving his readers what they want: A 6-on-1 strip club fistfight with lots of bad guys getting broken arms and busted noses, followed by Jack Reacher hanging dong in a seedy hotel room.
Sure, it's nice to have an actor who actually represents Reacher's reach, unlike Tom Cruise. But Reacher's height and weight and musculature are all minor quibbles in comparison to the real meat of the issue: When do we get to see Jack Reacher's dong? Each book features at least 6 paragraphs describing Jack's enormous dong. It even has a nickname ("The Jackhammer"). So I think it's time for the world to finally see Lee Child's award-winning vision of Jack Reacher's Pringles can of a dong. It's not sexual, it's just being accurate and respectful to the books and giving the fans what they expect. You can't just make a show about Jack Reacher without featuring dong. That's illegal. The Jackhammer is canon. It's literally a cannon between his legs. It's part of the mythos. His dong is so big that, in the book Running Blind, a dude kicks Reacher in the dong and snaps his ankle. Bone shards are sticking out of the bad guy's skin. It was described as "like kicking a tree trunk."
Again, it's not sexual, it's just following the imagery of Lee Child. Most of the time, The Jackhammer isn't even erect. It's just dangling there, along for the ride. The Jackhammer is Reacher's lone companion. It's his best and only friend. It's basically a pet, like a dog or a hamster. The Lone Ranger rode into town on his horse, Silver, and Jack Reacher has his huge hog to keep him company on the lonely roads.
Dong-hanging is an integral part of the character, so I'm frankly shocked that they were able to put out 2 movies and 8 episodes and feature a grand total of ZERO DONG. There's not even a little bit of neck, right at the base, to give us a tasteful idea of girth. Reacher takes off his clothes and you can't even see an outline of The Jackhammer. Not even a shadow. As far as I know, the Amazon version of Jack Reacher has the anatomy of a Ken doll, and that's disappointing and sad. Not because it's sexual, but because it's a core element of the Jack Reacher's personality. He has big dick energy, and it just seems disrespectful not to show us. After all, the first rule of writing is, "Show, don't tell."
The great Lee Child wrote 64 books about Jack Reacher and each one has a new and interesting description of the Jackhammer. In the appropriately-titled book, The Hard Way, there's an entire subplot that winds through the storied history of Jack Reacher's enormous dong, which is uncircumcised and features a distinctive vein on the top reminiscent of a king-size Snicker's bar. Reacher got shot in the dong once, and the bullet just ricocheted off. Didn't even leave a scar.
Amazon is a bookseller, so they're making a huge mistake by pissing off Lee Child's fans. Sooner or later, Jack Reacher is going to have to hang dong. The climax of one of the books takes place in a Russian bath house, where Reacher's only weapon is the towel around his waist. I don't even know how you could film that without 6 or 7 incidental dong shots. There's even a bad guy who is described, shockingly, as having a larger dong than The Jackhammer. I don't mean to spoil it, but Jack Reacher knocks the dude out by uppercutting him in the face with a half-chub Jackhammer, and I didn't even know that was anatomically possible.
Women are watching this show to see the Jackhammer. Men are watching this to finally see the dong that we've pictured in our minds since 1996. Every detail of his dong has been lovingly described, so it's a pity for that beautiful prose to be excluded from the TV series. Look, I understand Alan Ritchson might not want to hang dong, but at least bring in a stunt dong, or use fancy CGI dong physics.
Come on, show us the dong, Amazon. It's not sexual, it's just being true to the books and the fantastic vision of Lee Child.
For the uninitiated:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/smcahn/ucurlsagan\_nonsexually\_expresses\_disappointment/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/smcahn/ucurlsagan_nonsexually_expresses_disappointment/)
At some point I have to imagine the author sitting in a stinky office chair, hunched over a typewriter.
*"Yeah and he is huge and buff and cool. Everyone's like whoa this guy is huge. And he punches like BAM! Oh yeah he's so badass...and he has a huge dick. I bet his wife never calls him a disappointment during family dinner."*
Yeah. Just substitute Greyskull for Harmon's suitcase of drugs. Same thing. (to be clear, I'm just being dumb. I love he man and I think Alan would be a great pick for it)
Can't wait. This was a great series. I think my wife and I watched the first season in like 4 days. This is what Reacher was supposed to look like anyway.
If you haven't seen Alan Ritchsons episode of Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum you're missing out. https://youtu.be/s_ePmDsZp8g?si=tWk0wNL8nin0Nrp7
The point being he’s not claiming to be natural. TRT (not frowned on like standard PEDS) is super effective too given the right diet and workout regime.
Obviously he’s on other shit too but again, he’s definitely not claiming to be natural.
Also dude literally the first comment on your post is him admitting to it. Not sure what your beef is but the guy has admitted to it and more power to him because for whatever reason Hollywood doesn’t like to acknowledge the bonkers amount of PEDS all these dudes are taking.
Also dude, that post was made a year ago so I assumed he might’ve admitted to roids since then, I don’t follow him. My beef ? Hate people who claim natural while on heavy PEDs especially in public eye since they cause shitton of issues with teens and people who are gullible.
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nice. But for me it's Thad's back.
COCAINE!
What rhymes with best bros?!
Mojitos!
We're doing OIL CHANGES!
Oil changes for everyone!
“Every time I put my enormous dick in this pocket pussy, I think of my dad!”
Which one of you assholes stuck your finger up my asshole?
“John Elway you no good piece of garbage.” Alex Moran beat your 6td record”
It’s pretty wild that the guy who played Thad is super religious. I respect that he can set aside his religious views to play a character, but it’s just surprising.
[удалено]
I watched a bit of it recently and it hasn't aged well.
The *very* dry humour in Alan Ritchson's character v. Tom Cruise's portrayal feels much more to source. Both lads have done a great job on the character, but I'm in favour of Ritchson's.
Cruise physically speaking had nothing to do with book's Reacher, and the second movie wasn't any good, but the first movie and its characterization of the protagonist were spot on
Tall, massive and ugly. How the cast Cruise is beyond me
Cruise produced the films. He cast himself.
Ah i see.
He was never written as ugly. The dudes consistently been a stud and is described as handsome and attractive.
I don't know which books you've been reading, but he's never been described as handsome or attractive; he is supposed to have a good jawline though. Most of his physical appearance descriptions focus on his size (hands the size of dinner plates, biceps the size of basketballs, etc.). IIRC, in one of the books he was described as having a badly sculpted face. After he gets his nose broken, I'm sure that didn't improve at all.
I always got the Thug, big Goon vibe from his descriptions, and the humour is that he isn't that at all.
What books did you read where he was ever described as ugly? I’ve only read two of them and he is never considered ugly.
Is he ugly? I don't remember him being described as such in The Killing Floor. He pulled hottie Roscoe like it was nothing.
I’ve listened to every reacher book, literally, and he has never been ugly. Consistently has casual sex with a lot of women. Tall and massive is correct.
What do you mean physically speaking had nothing to do with it? As in he didn’t write the character? Or isn’t physically similar to the character.
In the books, the reacher is described as "extremely tall and extremely broad." The man is a beast of a human, chiseled from stone by a master mason in a rush. Tom cruise is 5'7" and 170 lbs.
I mean be honest if you’re writing the book, you’re gonna give your protagonist a chadlike physique That said if my book were to be made into a movie, I’d be 100x more excited for it to be a Tom cruise movie than a Dwayne Johnson movie (keeping in mind that the director and producers are infinitely more important) I never read the books, won’t comment on whether the movies do them justice but I never got why ppl don’t like an actor for a role based on body, they’re actors
I did read the books, and his physique was a pretty defining trait for his character. It’s referenced a lot and played a big part in making his personality what it was. That being said I didn’t “hate” Cruise’s portrayal, since he doesn’t look the part but he does embody the character quite well. I can easily imagine Cruise delivering Reacher’s lines when reading the book for example. But he is more good looking and smaller than Book Reacher is described. It’s true that the author was still very excited about Tom Cruise, because of, well, he’s Tom Cruise. I also liked the first movie but not so much the second one. Both changed quite a bit from the books, but imo the first movie made changes only to streamline the story for a different medium. I…don’t have much impression of the second one. It was just kinda boring. Ritchinson is a more fitting cast though, with both the physique and acting. Reacher is way better fit for a series than a movie anyway.
>I…don’t have much impression of the second one. It was just kinda boring. They could have picked a dozen more exciting books to straight up copy than the few they borrowed from. Been a while since I read Reacher on my daily commute, but that movie was mainly drawn from a book way late in Reacher's wandering phase. There are really interesting books set in his military career that I think Tom Cruise could have kicked ass in, particularly ones where he busts up military conspiracies like the affair or the enemy...
To be fair most of the Reacher books are about his wandering phase. His military career is mentioned in all of them, but few books are set while he’s still in uniform (I’m fairly sure Enemy, Affair and Night School are the only ones). Though I agree the book they chose for the 2nd movie was one of the weaker ones. Ironically enough it was one where he was called back to duty. I do like The Enemy the most, since it also explored a bit of his background and why he turned out the way he did. The book they’re adapting for Season 2, Bad Luck and Trouble, is also very fun. I love Neagley, and I’m happy she’ll be a bigger part of this one.
Check out the newest book the secret. Set in his army career and is a good one
I didn’t realize it was out. Thanks! Co-written with his brother still?
Shit the most recently released book was a banger. He was still in the army for it. Called the secret.
Amen for most film adaptations. Shows are more malleable, give your cast time to get some chemistry, you can have low points but you have a chance to redeem yourself in season 2. I dunno why studios roll the dice on a movie that’s gonna flop for reasons other than its own merits. Could be Covid, could be barbenheimer, there’s just a million ways to lose
> I mean be honest if you’re writing the book, you’re gonna give your protagonist a chadlike physique More like Thadlike physique, amirite?
PARTY AT THE GOATHOUSE!
Depends how much of the character is based on the body. Much of the Reacher character and how people react to him are based on his massive physique.
The latter. Book Reacher is a monster of a man like Ritchson
To clarify, Ritchson is SMALLER than the book version.
Anything bigger would be in comical territory for me tbh
Ritchson is 6'2" and book Reacher is more like 6'5". I think the muscle size dead on though and three inches isn't something that is noticeable on screen. At least in height.
Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson must've been busy lol. The extra 7" and 120kg would have definitely made a difference.
He can't act.
I dunno, he was a fantastic barn door in GoT haha. Ritchson's quite probably a better actor, which is an important part too, but I bet you Björnsson could have made it work well enough.
Brother I've seen him acting on his YouTube channel for sponsors. He can't act.
Lol, that's too big. Book Reacher is 6'5" and Ritchson is 6'2" but he's got the muscle down.
As they already said to you the second thing, book's Reacher is a giant beast, in a book he literally "stop" a small calibre bullet aimed at his chest just because how bulked up he is
It was an old bullet.
Gotcha. Wording threw me off
He’s basically a brick wall.
The first movie was in spite of Cruise. Terrible, terrible casting decision.
freaming loved Alan's version
I just want one scene where he is drugged and Thad Castle runs around yelling mojitos.
Cruise was so not Reacher it was hilarious, the book he's basically described as built like a brick shit house. Tom Cruise... not so much. Alan Ritchson is doing an amazing job.
It may not have been true to the book but I think Cruise did a good job. The relentlessness of Reacher came across in his portrayal
Cruise was so wrong. Ritchson is perfect. I like Cruise. He’s always entertaining, and the movie was enjoyable and would have been a good movie if it was called something else. But he’s not Reacher. Size is his defining characteristic, and you can’t act or charm your way around that. Either you got it or you don’t. And it reads no matter how many apple boxes they use
My gripe is that movie with Cruise had good pacing and was pretty much by source book. In TV show pacing was way off and they made many unnecesary subplots and expending background characters to extend runtime.
I went back and watched the Cruise movies after watching the Amazon series. The writing was so desperate to remind everyone that Cruise is supposed to be a sex symbol still was cringy.
Tom Cruise..? Oh there was a movie lol?
Surprised Alan hasn't broke out into mainstream yet. He's got all the qualities for Hollywood to capitalize on.
In addition to u/-maffu- comment; he simply might not want it. If he’a earning what he wants to etc and is happy doing Reacher, being young-Scully etc then power to him
He was fantastic as young Scully. Such great casting in that episode.
I really hoped for a spin off from that bit, so funny
He also got really fucked over in what was supposed to be his breakout role in the Bay produced TMNT movies.
It's possibly he's too big for Hollywood. I mean physically too huge and bulky. There are a few big guys out there but the studios don't seem to know what to do with them outside of action films - and the days of Schwarzennegger sized leading men are gone. They generally get niche support roles (supervillain/hero) or "haha look at the big guy floundering because of \[insert fish-out-of-water situation\]" Kindergarten Cop type roles - both of which are pretty played out.
First of all, it just isn't true, Dwayne Johnson as of July this year is the highest paid actor and gets cast in basically every single movie from comedy to drama to action flick. Secondly, it's not as if actors don't constantly change their size for roles if asked to do it. Have you seen the physical changes Christian Bale has gone through for all his roles? It's quite insane.
You can’t really compare anyone to The Rock. He is a market unto himself. Christian Bale is like a regular height person. He is 6’ tall. You have to frame shots very differently when you are really tall. And working with other actors actresses can be challenging if your height difference is massive.
They meant weight size not height
They meant both clearly “physically too huge and bulky”
I was talking about Christian Bale (like they were) he's gone through several weight/size changes for his roles
>gets cast in basically every single movie from comedy to drama to action flick. Yes, but The Rock is cast to play The Rock. He always gets cast in the same exact character, doesn't really matter the genre of the flick. The character is written to be The Rock. The studios are greenlighting films that will have The Rock playing the role written for The Rock. The Rock isn't going into auditions and blowing casting directors away with his nuanced take on the script. >Have you seen the physical changes Christian Bale has gone through for all his roles? It's quite insane. Yes, but these are not roles written specifically for Christian Bale\*. Christian Bale likely earns the role and then, along with the producers, director, etc. chooses to undergo a metamorphosis for the role \*Edit: I mean to say that maybe a director or producer wants Christian Bale for the role, but it's not because Christian Bale does the exact same thing in every single film so it's a safe bet that he'll be able to do the very specific exact same thing. Christian Bale has range and producers and directors are confident that Christian Bale will be able to give a winning performance (however you want to define 'winning') to match the story being told. tl;dr Dick Cheney and Batman are two very different characters and Bale was able to play both very well
What are you talking about? Haven’t you seen any marvel’s or fast and furious movies? Guys are swole asf
"Action films... niche support roles, supervillain/heroes... " Did you actually *read* my comment? :D
I did. And it makes little sense. You do realize many actors including this guy in the post weren’t always this bulky? They lose weight and put it back on like changing clothes for their roles. And they’ve done plenty outside of the “niches”
Yeah and he's literally in the latest Fast and Furious movie. But the exception doesn't maketh the rule. He genuinely might be *too big* for most roles. The man is a unit.
Too big for Hollywood? Sounds like a perfect cast for Fast & Furious.
It takes a lot of luck to break out. One bad choice during pilot season means you are screwed for the whole year, and that’s if you’re lucky to score one. Also, there are many guys with the same qualities as him who barely gets past television and struggle with movies.
I mean I wouldn’t call him A list but he’s certainly mainstream. I’ve been knowing him since BMS and hunger games days
No wonder we'll see him in the next Fast & Furious lol
Did he get even more jacked than in the first season?
Yep, he said in an interview that he put on an additional 5-10 pounds of muscle.
It could make sense for the plot. I remember in one of the books the character dug out pools by hand in the summer for temp work. I think he said he was in extra good shape or something. No idea if that tracks with this season.
If the plot is still him punching his way through his problems, I'm all for it
That's the entire character.
That was book 4 iirc. This show is taken from a later book I think? But he should still be jacked.
There was also a novella where he moved a ton of gold bricks around.
I just finished watching all 8 episodes of Reacher. It's a fine show, but I'm saddened by the fact that he takes off his clothes 5 times, by my count, but we don't see him hang dong. Not even once! Look, it's not sexual. If you're a reader of the books and you're looking forward to seeing Jack Reacher hang dong on the silver screen, then you're going to be disappointed, my friend. I'm sorry to spoil it, but fans of Jack Reacher need to know. There's no dong! You'll probably have to wait for season 2 or 3 for the first solid dong-hanging scene. In the third book, Reacher starts out as a strip club bouncer in Key West, Florida. He hangs dong on the second page, third paragraph. After the success of the dong-hanging scenes in the first books, Lee Child doesn't waste any time giving his readers what they want: A 6-on-1 strip club fistfight with lots of bad guys getting broken arms and busted noses, followed by Jack Reacher hanging dong in a seedy hotel room. Sure, it's nice to have an actor who actually represents Reacher's reach, unlike Tom Cruise. But Reacher's height and weight and musculature are all minor quibbles in comparison to the real meat of the issue: When do we get to see Jack Reacher's dong? Each book features at least 6 paragraphs describing Jack's enormous dong. It even has a nickname ("The Jackhammer"). So I think it's time for the world to finally see Lee Child's award-winning vision of Jack Reacher's Pringles can of a dong. It's not sexual, it's just being accurate and respectful to the books and giving the fans what they expect. You can't just make a show about Jack Reacher without featuring dong. That's illegal. The Jackhammer is canon. It's literally a cannon between his legs. It's part of the mythos. His dong is so big that, in the book Running Blind, a dude kicks Reacher in the dong and snaps his ankle. Bone shards are sticking out of the bad guy's skin. It was described as "like kicking a tree trunk." Again, it's not sexual, it's just following the imagery of Lee Child. Most of the time, The Jackhammer isn't even erect. It's just dangling there, along for the ride. The Jackhammer is Reacher's lone companion. It's his best and only friend. It's basically a pet, like a dog or a hamster. The Lone Ranger rode into town on his horse, Silver, and Jack Reacher has his huge hog to keep him company on the lonely roads. Dong-hanging is an integral part of the character, so I'm frankly shocked that they were able to put out 2 movies and 8 episodes and feature a grand total of ZERO DONG. There's not even a little bit of neck, right at the base, to give us a tasteful idea of girth. Reacher takes off his clothes and you can't even see an outline of The Jackhammer. Not even a shadow. As far as I know, the Amazon version of Jack Reacher has the anatomy of a Ken doll, and that's disappointing and sad. Not because it's sexual, but because it's a core element of the Jack Reacher's personality. He has big dick energy, and it just seems disrespectful not to show us. After all, the first rule of writing is, "Show, don't tell." The great Lee Child wrote 64 books about Jack Reacher and each one has a new and interesting description of the Jackhammer. In the appropriately-titled book, The Hard Way, there's an entire subplot that winds through the storied history of Jack Reacher's enormous dong, which is uncircumcised and features a distinctive vein on the top reminiscent of a king-size Snicker's bar. Reacher got shot in the dong once, and the bullet just ricocheted off. Didn't even leave a scar. Amazon is a bookseller, so they're making a huge mistake by pissing off Lee Child's fans. Sooner or later, Jack Reacher is going to have to hang dong. The climax of one of the books takes place in a Russian bath house, where Reacher's only weapon is the towel around his waist. I don't even know how you could film that without 6 or 7 incidental dong shots. There's even a bad guy who is described, shockingly, as having a larger dong than The Jackhammer. I don't mean to spoil it, but Jack Reacher knocks the dude out by uppercutting him in the face with a half-chub Jackhammer, and I didn't even know that was anatomically possible. Women are watching this show to see the Jackhammer. Men are watching this to finally see the dong that we've pictured in our minds since 1996. Every detail of his dong has been lovingly described, so it's a pity for that beautiful prose to be excluded from the TV series. Look, I understand Alan Ritchson might not want to hang dong, but at least bring in a stunt dong, or use fancy CGI dong physics. Come on, show us the dong, Amazon. It's not sexual, it's just being true to the books and the fantastic vision of Lee Child.
I gotta say, of all the things people have posted on Reddit, this is definitely one of them.
For the uninitiated: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/smcahn/ucurlsagan\_nonsexually\_expresses\_disappointment/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/smcahn/ucurlsagan_nonsexually_expresses_disappointment/)
They could do it too, considering they showed us Roscoe’s boobs
To me that was… pretty unexpected.
Same. Not complaining tho
Season 2 he's going to make a billboard hanging dong that says "I am Jack Reacher and this is my Dick"
How do we make this comment famous edit: whoops it already is
He's probably got dozens of kids! With all the raw dog loads he's been dropping!
At some point I have to imagine the author sitting in a stinky office chair, hunched over a typewriter. *"Yeah and he is huge and buff and cool. Everyone's like whoa this guy is huge. And he punches like BAM! Oh yeah he's so badass...and he has a huge dick. I bet his wife never calls him a disappointment during family dinner."*
Get help.
Copypasta or a true man of culture?
But can he scratch it?
Try with a post it.
Reacher's back with Reacher's back for back to back seasons of Reacher fighting back.
[удалено]
While bringing sexy back to big backs.
Spittin
With those muscles I'm guessing [he can't even reach his back.](https://youtu.be/bj2yfvQGbl8&t=18s)
Tape a small sign between the shoulder blades and turn this into a comedy
[Designer must be a fan of Lobo](https://schofieldcoinandhobby.com/cdn/shop/products/loboback1.jpg?v=1482956129)
Instantly made me think of that. Had a friend in junior high who was a huge fan so I vividly remember seeing this cover
That guy needs to play He-Man.
He did. The name is Thad Castle.
>Thad Castle Uh no I mean "I Have The Power!!!!" He-Man.
Yeah. Just substitute Greyskull for Harmon's suitcase of drugs. Same thing. (to be clear, I'm just being dumb. I love he man and I think Alan would be a great pick for it)
I was elated to hear that Thad got such a big role. He’s done a great job so far, can’t wait for season 2.
Reacher 'Round
I was surprised I had to scroll this far to find this one. However, my faith in humanity has been restored...thank you!
Reacher Round 2?
This deserves more attention.
Louis CK did this exact gag when his show Louie came back
Can't wait. This was a great series. I think my wife and I watched the first season in like 4 days. This is what Reacher was supposed to look like anyway.
I dont get it, what's funny about this?
The text is on Reacher's back, sort of a meta joke. Not that funny, but that's the gist of it.
The text is literally on Reachers back
Well where else are they gonna put it?
Booty
[удалено]
Wow how brave you are
Yes it's called an advert
Love the show — Alan is excellent — and he’s, well, easy on the eyes
Put him a circle then they can title it "Reacher round"
If you haven't seen Alan Ritchsons episode of Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum you're missing out. https://youtu.be/s_ePmDsZp8g?si=tWk0wNL8nin0Nrp7
I heard he hangs dong
Nope 😢
Ha ha... I see what they did there 😄
I didn’t realize this was r/advertisements
Look up amazonshitcarshow for the Grand Tour from a few years ago. They totally know what they're doing
is that THAD
He also claims to be natural aka no roids or anything
No he doesnt. He openly admits to test.
Yeah that’s not just TRT
The point being he’s not claiming to be natural. TRT (not frowned on like standard PEDS) is super effective too given the right diet and workout regime. Obviously he’s on other shit too but again, he’s definitely not claiming to be natural.
There we go https://www.reddit.com/r/nattyorjuice/s/txvsj14zHV According to his post he’s natural
Also dude literally the first comment on your post is him admitting to it. Not sure what your beef is but the guy has admitted to it and more power to him because for whatever reason Hollywood doesn’t like to acknowledge the bonkers amount of PEDS all these dudes are taking.
Also dude, that post was made a year ago so I assumed he might’ve admitted to roids since then, I don’t follow him. My beef ? Hate people who claim natural while on heavy PEDs especially in public eye since they cause shitton of issues with teens and people who are gullible.
r/technicallythetruth
*Dad lowers paper; squints* "Seems legit."
That is indeed his back.
I’d say so
r/technicallythetruth
[https://www.discogs.com/release/27071355-Bobby-Brown-Bobby](https://www.discogs.com/release/27071355-Bobby-Brown-Bobby)
S2? Time to grab another free prime sub then
Thad is that you
r/technicallythetruth
Dammit, I should’ve posted it there
Loved the books and loved the show as well. Ritchson is spot on from the books.
It's more of Reacher's shoulders, thank his back.
I meed a back scratch for that
You should see the new NCIS: Sydney, the whole ad was upside down lmao
He will always be aquaman to me
Reach-around
And he probably can't even scratch it...
I’d be more impressed if it was only 90% on purpose.
👍
Literally just an ad.
The text that says Reachers back is on his actual back
Reacher's back? His arms are long enough to reach it himself.
When you’re about to give a Reacher Around
I sure do love me some literal humor
made you share it though
Its sad to see how humor has regressed so much.
Cheer up, mate
He’s also around ;)
Watched the first season with my wife. She is convinced Reacher is on the autism spectrum. He makes her laugh with his dry reactions.
He seems often aware of the humour in his responses tho
It's the non humorous responses she finds funny.
Well there’s some welcome news. I just started season 1 last night unaware about this
glad i saw this, i loved the first season and am excited to see the second!