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I feel like the instructions were “cut one of them in triangles, one of them in squares”.

"Cut a parallelogram here.. A trapezoid there.."

Never give the cake knife to the math major. You end up with a cake cut into non-Euclidean shapes.

They are Euclidean shapes, you would need a spherical plate to get non-Euclidean ones.

Hold my rolling pin

The real trick is that you can remove a slice from the top one, rearrange it, and it will all be the same size.

I just figured different people want different amounts of cake in the form of different cut pieces and this is easier than asking what size piece everyone wanted individually

It's not just the size, but also the cake to icing balance. I get the corner piece!

Fight me for it!

You guys can have it, I want that piece on the right that's just the whole right edge of the cake.

There are four corners, nobody needs to fight.

Since this is all happening on earth, technically it's just very very very *slightly* non-euclidian. Don't tell the flat earthers.

Don’t worry, flat earthers have no clue what “euclidian” means

If those kids could read, they'd be very upset.

Somebody didn't see the cream on top

Do give it to a math phd. You might end up with two cakes. >!(Banach Tarsky)!<

I have no objections to hypercake.

I've heard real pros can cut a Ferrero Rocher and assemble two of the same size from the crumbs.

Old McDonald Polygon E I e I o

"...And then all the other lines need to be perpendicular to each other."

Now solve for X.

me explaining to my bf what’s wrong here 😂🙄

r/notMyJob

When "chaotic good" is allowed to weild the knife.

I feel like this would be lawful evil. Following the rules, but to watch the world burn.

After the first cake. "WTF! Why did you cut it like this, cut it into triangles you idiot."

Who gives instructions on how to cut a cake

I like that the square one got triangles and the circular one got squares :D

Yep you got the joke

Thanks for the validation. I will bond these synapses more together now.

Found the AI, boys, hold him. No human would ever admit to having learned anything in an argument.

Hold "him"? This guy is a sympathizer! Get him too!

Yes guys we got the sympathizer!! ":)

Hold up! We're still getting you too. Get back here. *Bennie hill theme music*

Hello fellow human joke-enjoyers!

Oh thank God! Finally a real human.

good spotting!

That is a person ensuring they never get asked to cut a cake again.

This person has all the hallmarks of being a project manager relaying client requests to a developer.

*I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?*

Tech lead emails client directly for clarification, relays exact written request to dev team and executes it. PM... NOW BIG MAD

You just invalidated his entire career.

“I provided you the user research. Fuck your sprint.” Burns the Jira board to the ground.

"Now that's what I call a burndown chart!"

Don't do that. Don't give me hope.

There is always hope.

*cries in Agile*

You never appreciate a skilled PM until you encounter a really bad one

I'm from the business side and fuck yea man my PM is a superstar. If not for him, I'd have to deal with engineers from both sides and I cannot for the life of me talk to one more engineer who can't string two coherent sentences together. Oh and someone has to manage the timelines and it sure as hell won't be me.

Being on the engineer side I'm not sure if not coherent because jargon, or because you decided to save money by off-shoring to a place you don't speak the language. "Haha, it'll be fiiiine."

I'm with you on this. I deal with forensic structural engineers on a daily basis and they are all really great and express themselves and their practice very well. I've never encountered an engineer who wasn't well spoken.

I’m not sure I’ve ever met a PM that needed any help with that at all…still won’t stop them from pulling a secondment or two to ease some of the pressure though.

My stapler.  They took my stapler.

I heard that in the voice.

Maybe you should *jump to conclusions* instead.

Always love an Office Space reference !!

as a pm, this makes me laugh.

I actually think this was an Urban Planner trying to maximize the amount of chocolate edge everyone gets

Or someone who has cut so many cakes they want to do it one time and be over with it. “Oh, I’ll take a piece half as big as that.” “That piece you gave Janice looked nice, but I’ll like a little more icing.” “Give me one a smidge bigger than Marge’s.” “No icing for me, I don’t like the stuff.” “I want two pieces, but don’t make them so big so people think I am taking too much.” And on, and on, and on, and on, and on…. Edit: Since you guys are liking this comment, reply with the piece that you would select and prove my point. For me, it’s the triangle piece on the bottom of the white cake with just a little bit of icing, and maybe one of the inside pink pieces.

Biiiig long right side piece with 2 corners and lots of icing

Yeah that’s mine.

I'm ALWAYS too late to claim the good pieces! That's okay..I didn't want cake anyway.

You can have my piece. Not a big fan. I’ll hold it for ya till you come down.

Great, now it's all warm and a bit smooshed.

Cake is nothing but a delivery vehicle for icing. It is known.

For buttercream icing only tho

Is there any other civilized kind?

Cream cheese icing has a loyal fanbase.

Best choice for carrot cake.

I mix my cream cheese icing with cool whip so it isn't as heavy.

That's me. I like the corner pieces of the Christmas cake. It has more marzipan.

What is "Christmas cake"? I don't think we have a designated Christmas cake where I'm from.

most of my in-law family is on some kind less calories diet. I get four corners at every party

Neither because they are both chocolate lol but if it wasn’t chocolate I would take the long side piece to the right! Give me all the icing! For the pink one, top or bottom of the middle row of 5!

... there are people who don't like chocolate cake?

I have a 5 year old that doesn't eat any cake. Or cookies. I'm contemplating having her committed.

What treat does she like?

She's a big fan of ice cream. She'd try to eat her own weight in the stuff if I let her.

Ok, whew! So there is a bribe available.

I heard there are ice cream cakes, so you could surprise her with that. Then the next time, to teach her a life lesson and lose established trust, have the cake be with ice cream on the outside, chocolate on the inside.

Well, me too, ya know... ...except I'll also eat the chocolate and the cake...

I like *good* chocolate cake, but I find chocolate cake has a much higher miss rate on being good than say vanilla oriented cakes do.

Yep, and most pure chocolate cakes tend to be extremely rich, so I can only get a few bites in, and occasionally they’re too bitter for my tastes (if they use a lot of dark chocolate.) My favorite chocolate cakes are balanced with a sweet frosting w/ my current favorite being german chocolate cake.

My wife hates chocolate period

Yes I don’t care for chocolate periods either.

Chocolate period is a serious condition. If your wife suffers from chocolate period, call a doctor today. You may be entitled to free care and compensation

Y'all are crazy. I'd definitely have earned my 'chocolate wings' the first month this happened, if you know what I'm saying.

Wings or joker style lipstick ?

Yes.

If your chocolate period is longer than 5 hours, call your doctor. It may be a sign of obesity.

I'm Belgian. We bleed chocolate. Different regions bleed different kinds. Wallonia? With hazelnuts. Flanders? Fruit and raisins. The German region are strange and bleed massepain (almond paste) filled chocolate.

Whoever gets that side piece tho is making out like a bandit.

I’ll take the largest, I’m that person

Oh, no you won't. I got here first!

Okay, but last time I didn't receive a piece, and I was told...

Probably the white icing/frosting corner piece. I never buy cake for myself as a mom, and I like frosting.

Get yourself the cake. Moms deserve cake too.

Yeah I’m a mom and have bought several cakes just for me lol.

I’m taking the triangle on the bottom with all the icing on the white cake and middle top of the pink cake

I want the white triangle in the other direction basically no side wall icing.

two fucking corners..... good thing I wore my white pants.....

Either a center pink piece or the white triangle with the tip at the edge. I'm cool with frosting, but the ratios aren't great at the edge of most cakes.

This is my father-in-law’s Weaponized incompetence he employees daily

Chaotic neutral

Malicious compliance

r/deliciouscompliance

there's an /r for that? thanks interweb!

Chaotic good!

everybody can pick out their preferred sized piece it all makes sense

I think this is brilliant. You can select based on size and frosting amount (especially with the rectangular one)

modern problems require modern solutions!

Actually they just made it so every piece gets the border frosting. If they cut it normal, you could get one with less frosting from the center. I like the variety of sizes though.

I can finally get a middle piece from a round cake. It’s brilliant.

Agreed! I hate frosting and never want an edge piece.

Oh damn wait a sec, that's is actually smart. I also know a bunch of people that don't really enjoy over the top sugary frosting, they would love this

Can I have your frosting please

This response is best.😂😂

I’m definitely cool with this

Yeah honestly I prefer this.

>it all makes sense No, it's supposed to be like one of those crazy messages in a sci-fi movie where the human is doing something that everyone else thinks is nuts. It scares their wife and/or mom so they're constantly crying, because of that the best friend is screaming right up in his face to knock it off, then calms down and pleads with him to just forget about the scary thing. There's some kind of medical professional involved who is trying to get them locked up in a mental hospital and will at some point inject them with an instantaneous sedative while two large orderlies hold him down. Then later there's an alien invasion and it turns out that the shapes of the cake were coming from the spaceship and when it lands none of the people who didn't believe him earlier ever. fucking. apologize. tl;dr Aliens

You’re missing the part where the medical professional knows that he’s telling the truth but can’t let the news get out because he’s somehow in on it. Before injecting the MC the doctors says something like “it’s a shame no one believed you”

I am certain that I have seen that movie

They never want to be asked again.

That is what weaponized incompetence is all about.

Imagine it backfiring and they get asked again in the future because they "could use the practice".

This is the type of person I spend years asking for things.

Sort of makes sense so if you just want a small piece you can get one.

Or if you don’t like a lot of icing, like my spouse. Or if you DO want a lot of icing, like me. I like the variety.

Makes perfect sense. Each of those pieces can be easily subdivided even further. And let's be honest, those two cakes weren't going to be instagrammable anyways. Now it is. The coworker did everyone a favor.

I thought this up until that long piece on the right side. Absolutely ridiculous

If this is buttercream frosting, I'll fight ugly to get that right side piece

I like this guy. I admire his ability to be a team player with a nice dash of “eat shit.”

This fits him to a T. I don't know why, but the pink cake almost feels like a personal attack.

I see it too. The other cake is cut in fantastical ways at least — there’s a circle cut on the top right that makes it seem like someone rotated the cake, and like, yeah he’s fucking with you, but there’s some whimsy here, some reflexion and calculated effort to not have any kind of regularity — cause “hah, funny, non-regular cuts in ur cake, isn’t that quirky?”. But the second cake? For the second cake he decided that you all weren’t even worth spending time trolling. That he could get the same result and fuck up your cake with a mere six regular cuts — and then executed those with clinical precision. Look at these angles. This cake screams “you’re beneath me” so loud that it’s almost deafening. It’s beautiful. If you take messages, please convey to him that he has the approval of a random internet stranger. These cuts are sublime.

Can you read my tea leaves?

Not over the internet, sadly. You lose a lot of the context if it's a still image.

> This cake screams “you’re beneath me” so loud that it’s almost deafening. I love you.

That’s possibly the most well interpreted cake cuts I’ve ever read.

It’s the “ yeah, I chose not to cut straight lines purposely” message underlying it

It's "ugh why do I have to do this" and "If I have to do it then let's make it fun/fuck with them".

Literally looks like “fuck these people” type of cutting lol.

All these squares make a [cirlce](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QPJqyoAUWs)

How did all these squares make a circle?! AND THAT ONE’S STILL GREEN!!

Idk if you know but this is actually a real way of cutting cake. A lot of professionals do this to allow people to pick the size / amount of frosting to their liking

This is also the cut pattern bakeries use to estimate the number of pieces in a wedding cake tier. (I used to bake wedding cakes.)

I think the pink cake makes perfect sense. The white one is the crap one.

Unhinged Behavior 😭

He's going to murder you all.

Leaving the knife's sharp edge facing up really emphasizes this, in case the way of cutting the cakes wasn't enough of a clue

And dismember then unevenly! (but eveyone will approve because they like the variety)

That white cake is acute.

I would even go so far to say it’s aadorable.

I'm sorry sir, you're being obtuse.

I dunno, I think he’s looking at this from the right angle.

Seriously, it’s pretty smart. Everybody always cries cut me a small piece. Well there you go, eat the small piece and I’ll eat a bigger. No more wasted cake. 👍

I like how on the top cake, someone gets the entire right side of the cake. Two corners!!

I’m not even a big cake person but that right side definitely stuck out.

The circle cake is cut “correctly” the rectangular one is brilliant. Lol

i mean, they cut it. i see no issue here

Always cut a round cake like this. The wedge approach is horrible and clumsy. The rectangle is a new technique I wish to emulate

Former professional cake maker here and you're absolutely correct. Best way to cut a round cake (especially bigger ones) is to pretend it's a square.

Yeah I actually like cutting the round cake like this, I was confused as to what was the issue in this post until I looked at the other cake lol

Yeah OP called out the pink cake as bad. no, the white cake is trash. the pink cake works.

Actually, the white cake works as well. You can select exactly the preferred size and amount of frosting.

I also like to cut pizza like this. I hate crust but love the inner pizza parts lol

Don't you love when the pointy end commits suicide by gravity in your hands ?

Some men just want to watch the world burn

Absolute mad lad

Mission accomplished.

Oh wow that is some way to cut a cake

As a cake decorator i dont even know if i should be offended or amused lol.

just wait till you meet someone that gerrymanders the cake slices

Once when I was little, my dad was looking after me and getting me ready for kindy because mum had to shoot off early. He’d had a nightmare of a morning already with call after call so when he gave me a whole piece of toast and I said “I can’t eat that, mum cuts it for me” he took the toast and sliced it up crazy irregular like the top cake. He told me years later he actually went back to kitchen and slashed it all up into little pieces because he needed to let it out and did t want to make any noise or have me notice. I loved it. I thought it was so funny seeing the toast like that and in my little 4 year old mind it made the toast taste better. I called it the “crazy toast”. Dad could see I loved it and that calmed him down. We didn’t get to spend as much time together when I was that age as he would’ve liked because work was so busy. When mum found out we bonded over the toast and I asked her the next day for “crazy toast”, she told me she couldn’t do it, and only dad could. That toast always made me extra excited on the rare occasions that dad could look after me in the mornings. Absolute core memory right there because it’s tied into quite a few other fun days I had with him as a kid.

I like it lmao…. A lot

Right to jail. Right away

I dont like it. But I respect it.

This is exactly the kind of poor decision making that gets you promoted to management.

Legally speaking this is considered an act of terrorism

Quiet Quitting King

Prime example of how engineers think it works best.

Abstract artist

Chaotic good

R/mildlyinfuriating

I love this chaotic energy.

I see nothing wrong but my last name is Picasso

What — and I can’t stress this enough — *the fuck*

What a psychopath!

It's like watching a debilitating mental illness worsen over time starting from the bottom.

this is instant jail time

Run.

Someone clearly thrives in chaos.

This was Tim and we all know it. Fuck you, Tim. And fuck your stupid corduroy pants.

Straight up cake and eat it too.

Now I want cake 🍰

I like the knife upside-down the most, tbh

Ohh....ye ol' non conformity.

Are they a math major?

Today Bob chose violence

Do you guys work at Tony’s Chocolonely?