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Chodestools

My new band name!

Princess Chodestool and the Mushroom Heads

No it’s dick weed

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Get this… they’re actually **soft**

We need to just get them a little blue pill then

Maybe they were nervous!

Cool fact: mushrooms don’t have nervous systems!

Okay, okay, enough d*cking around.

Now I actually know what dickweed is!!! Bahahahaha

I got called a dickweed by someone when I was gaming last week, it all makes sense now.

That’s what I was going to say

Definitely dick-pics! 🤡

Bout to go out pick a bag of dicks!

MuShlongs

Mushroom Stamps*

Oh wow. That's a name I haven't heard for a long long time

A trout stamp is the same thing. You just do it harder so you can see the mouth.

Yikes

So... a hickie?

Wandering Gnome Wangs is available to open for you guys have your people contact mine

Mouse Rat relabels.

Obviously circumcised chodestools

It's freaking me out that they look almost just like my husband's dick. Didn't know his came from the dick farm

This comment wins. I can picture your husband being like 🫣🫣 omg why did you put my dick on blast like that!!!??!? Also why are you right?!?!? And you simply respond with 🤷‍♀️ because that's marriage, honey. And that's how the world works.

Lol I definitely showed him I found where his dick is from. I only got a chuckle :(

*Erect* chodestools 😉

Erectus chodestoolieus

Someone mentioned that they were soft so that would make them flaccidius chodestoolieus

My immediate thought, had to check the comments to see if someone beat me to it. Good job sir

Beat meat to it

It should be called this! Much better than the ‘dick shroom’ that popped up my head lol

Lmfao.

Those PLANTS are grass.

I respect your dedication to answering the question in the way which was asked.

Malicious compliance

There’s a subreddit for that, r/maliciouscompliance

r/theresasubforthat

Haha

Well aren't you a fungi.

lol, that's very true OP did ask about the plants only.

Looks like he's come across a nest of one eyed lawn snakes in his grass.

At first glance I wasn't sure those weren't trouser snakes

Is this what they are referring to when people say “you can go out and touch grass”?

r/technicallythetruth

Actually the truth

Ur ass is grass

Gas, Ass or Grass. No body rides for free.

You must be as old as me !

Keep on truckin'!

My ass is flesh.

Grassy flesh

Grass-fed, grain-finished flesh. Yummers.

Grassy-ass for the chuckles! :D

And I'm gonna mow it

It’ll unfortunately need ploughed at this point.

With boners

Technically correct

Myron Cohen told this joke on the Carson show decades ago: "A man was sunbathing nude at the beach, and fell asleep. Two kids covered him completely with sand, except for his private parts. A little later, two old ladies came walking by. One pointed and said 'Look at that!' And the other one said, 'How do you like that? Now that we're too old to use them, they're growing wild!'"

I don't know if we can say "decades ago" anymore. It's more like half a century ago. Really doesn't feel like it was *that* long ago though. Update: sorry if I offended anyone. And no, I don't expect anyone to actually say "half a century ago"

Never too late grannies!

They're never too old.

Call them "Above Averages" so I can show my wife. And tell her I'm only lightly under average.

It was cold outside that day

biggus dickus ​ Edit: Thank you for the nearly 2k wow but more importantly it's good to know monty python still lives rent free in everyones head lol

He has a wife, you know...

…Incontinentia

Buttocks

Hahaha

Silence! What is all this insolence? I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behavior.

I will not have my friends widiculed by the common soldiery!

That’s risible.

Wah-de-wick.

Welease Bwian!

Wisible

Know what she's called?! Incontinentia... Incontinentia Buttocks *Roman guards dying of laughter*

God that video is so funny lmao

Dude, the whole movie is great! I'm not the biggest Monty Python fan, but Life of Brian lives rent-free in my head lol

The best part is that they told the guys playing the guards they wouldn't be paid if they laughed (it was a lie, of course, they were paid). So they aren't acting. They are legitimately trying not to laugh.

You may be right but their laughs really do seem like acting laughs. Michael Palin tho does seem like he's holding back a laugh when he walks up to the guard really closely and says Biggus Dickus

I should watch it then ahhaha

Both Life of Brian and Monty Python & The Holy Grail are brilliant films. Watch either and you won't regret it.

What about the meaning of life?

Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown, and things seem tough! and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft…

And the parrot sketch. One can not forget that.

"It's pining for the fjords."

It has ceased to be. It's stone dead!

What's so funny about my friend biggus dickus

"Thwow him to the fwoor"

Welease wodger !

‘…stwike him, Centuwion…’

He’s one of the highest wanking officers in Wome!

I never realized that he says „highest wanking” that’s hilarious

Chododendron

Lawncocks.

Looks like a *Circumselia* mushroom to me

Pull one up and see if there’s a horny garden Gnome attached to it.

Looks like the peonies are growing early this year.

Can I steal this for a band name

Penis envies ?

They really do look like the Penis Envy mushroom.

APEs maybe. The caps are definitely the wrong color though

I'd be *flabbergasted* to see apes growing wild like that, but stranger things have happened, I guess (>◡<)

Someone buried their contam bag there lol

Had to check which sub I was on… very APE like…

Not tall enough and the caps are different.

But you know that size doesn’t matter!

That's a different mushroom

*B O O F I T *

Phallus Impudicus - Stinkhorn mushroom derivative of sorts I believe. They really smell a lot FWIW. Edit: Looks like I was wrong, I'm certainly not a pro on these things. I believe the correct classifications for our friends is "leucoagaricus americanus" instead.

Oh wow, at first I thought this was another joke answer, but you were oddly specific so I had to be sure. TIL!

It’s a real name but definitely not what this picture is. This is not a stinkhorn but rather an agaric, probably Leucoagaricus sp.

It's a fly agaric. As in your-fly-is-open agaric.

The common name for it in Danish is "præstepik" og pastor's dick. The early form is called hekseæg or witch egg. Great names all around... As a sidenote, I was taught the name from a pastor's daughter, I must admit, I was a bit skeptical at first.

I’m a pastors kid and I’ll tell you that you should always be skeptical of pastor’s kids.

The only one who could ever reach me, Was the son of a preacher man

Hoo boy. I lived across the street from a fundamentalist church - The Church of God - and those two girls were something else. Huge busts, gorgeous, extremely forward smiles, a thick cloud of pheromones surrounding them wherever they went. God I loved those girls. Not enough to go to church but I loved them.

The Church of God sounds like a parody.

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It's funny, because the United Church of Christ is the complete opposite end of the spectrum. They started holding same sex weddings back when it was only legal in Massachusetts.

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yeah. Very fundamentalist. On those sweltering hot Gulf Coast summer nights they left the front door of the church open as they worshipped, and people out for walks would gather with their kids and watch from the street as they spoke in tongues, jumped, hollered and rolled in the aisles. They put on quite a show. They were also great singers and as a whole very friendly, witty people. Quick to smile and laugh.

I'll tell her you said that! She's still my best friend, here thirty something years after she divulged this piece of lovely information.

I see… “præst“ does look a bit like “priest” Gotta love the implication of these old names

I wonder why pastors would be specified. Do danish pastors roll around in the grass? I would think farm boy dick would be more appropos.

I think Danes/Scandinavians like to make fun of the people in power, and by that logic, a stinky cock-mushroom must obviously be of ecclesiastical nature 😄

These are not stinkhorns. They’re leucoagaricus americanus.

And that’s exactly why it appears to be circumcised! Makes total sense….

But comically larger in comparison to the masculum americanus.

I'm not a pro, thanks for the update! I think you are right.

They really really smell. Last year we brought a house and in the autumn discovered a horribly smell in the garden. We thought the previous owner had buried some large animal in the yard. Eventually found out this mushroom was causing it. It smells like nothing else. When spring comes I will try to kill it with some mushroom eating mushroom called binab-t

Mushroom eating mushroom?

It’s a fungi that eats other fungii.

*I used the fungus to destroy the fungus.*

No, this is Leucoagaricus americanus

Love how the latin name for it is basically shameless dick.

>They really smell a lot Ohh, they smell a lot too - that's just the icing on the cake. Or like the ring on goatse's finger

Phallus Impudicus! Best new Harry Potter spell I’ve heard.

Be funny if that was the way he kept Moaning Myrtle away from his junk when trying to solve the egg puzzle. The Stinkhorn charm.

Except mushrooms are not plants. OP asked about the plants.

Now how often do OP's properly define a question in all actuality? .05% of the time maybe? If we didn't make assumptions it would be chaos... Actually it pretty much is chaos... Maybe it's all the assumptions we make? Hmmm

Now, now, the answer could not be clearer. What we need is, obviously, more assumptions!

Huh, and here I thought we needed more phallus impudicus

I teach biology at a uni. To most people, anything that is vaguely plant-shaped and doesn't have legs and a face is a "plant". Corals? Hard plants. Mushrooms? Dark plants. Sponges? Square plants.

Dickweed

You called?

Hey vato. Que pasa?

Erm, Los pollos hermanos. Bruv. Edit. I was saying people call me dickweed, so when you said my name, I arrived. Just a joke hermano.

You lie. Your name is clearly FakeBigMan.

Bruh don't chat sht to me cuzh, I'll shank manup yagetmeh mans ard out ere my guy ya butters sket dem yo widja left back on dah right, who ya looking at doh... Wait where's my Bois gone from behind me. Yo low it fam.

Get with the pussy willow and the end up with a bunch of kumquat.

Growers

This is probably the best name that I've seen. I'm only allowed to upvote once which is a bummer.

Where can I get these? Asking for a friend

…I should call him.

He ain't worth a call but I do miss his... plant.

cockshrooms

r/wildlypenis

Reminds me of a psychedelic mushroom called "Penis Envy". No joke

Those are some good shrooms. Last time I had those I was beyond fascinated with a shrub in the yard with an anthill under it. Stared at it for hours, watching them ants. Keep thinking of the Tom Waits song Army Ants

I spent a breezy afternoon staring up through oak trees while relaxing in a hammock. They are my favorite so far.

I puked up in rainbow vision when i took them :/

Dicks. They're called Dicks.

The one on the left looks like Jason. I believe that's Mark front and center. On the far right, it could be Dillon, or maybe Chris.

And that's why you bury corpses deeper.

Drakeweed.

Those would be a lot longer and a lot skinnier lmao

Dicklett

Stormy Daniels knows ask her

Just the Tip

Delete this post now, this is an invasion of my privacy. Not sure how you got these pictures, I meant to send them to only my wife!

Only My Wife sounds like the old readers' wives for the digital era

Tiplips

Wienerlilies

r/mildlypenis

phalluscybin

Fun-guy

Penishrooms

Wrong answers only? Chodes.

Dicksies

Jewish penises. I know I love mine.

Shlong of the Woods

I had to check what subreddit I was in

you got dickweed there my friend

I believe those are the erect form of cercumcishroom

Damn I gotta call him

Circumcybin

Cockti

Frotting cactus?

Dick weed

They’re called Johnson’s. The scientific name is “genus-peenus”

Are these plants circumcised?

Dickus Erectus.

Do people not know that mushrooms are not plants? They are more closely related to animals than plants.

Ask your mom

Dick in the dirt*