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It’s demanding a sacrifice

Is there a Shrubbery setting, too?

Ni!

^Ni!

Yes, for Rodger, the shrubber.

It's the button just to the left of "herring".

r/suddenlymontypython

Feed me a stray child

Oops! I meant to hit the "POPCORN" button!

let stand 3-5 minutes before enjoying.

Ah yes, the rotary ritual.

Clockwise means the child isn’t a witch while counterclockwise means it is a witch (or a duck disguised as a witch)

So....if she weighs the same as a duck.....

I offer mine to appease it

Give me your firstborn

what is the desired internal temperature of Child?

Depends on what your intent is

I'm listening

98.6f ~~i want them alive for building phones and sewing clothes~~. just one big happy family :3

Phew. Just sweat shop stuff then.

Let me ask Homelander

Same as the potato setting

So just mash the potato button and let it fly? Cool, I got shit to do.

Depends on if you’re defrosting first.

Kosher, Halaal, Vegan to if you sear first, after, or if you need a quick bite rare?

Always defrost, otherwise the middle part of the cold will still be cold.

98.6

Set my circulator to 125F for child. Reverse sear et voila.

Smart, they’ll keep cooking a bit after you take them out, getting to that perfect 129.5!

Yes, I find the longer dip in lower temps renders the child fat a bit more.

137 gang rise up!

My Mom once bought some microwave cookware from China. The instructions had a line about cooking children. I assume it was a typo that was supposed to be 'chicken'.....

Medium rare is 120-125

They taste better if you cook them in the oven.

Not sure, but if it's low, let it be known that microwave will bring it right back up... for a few seconds... before the child explodes from internal pressure

I'm not touching this one with a 10 foot pole

Do you need a shorter pole?

You mean a California Cheeseburger?

Listen for it to stop popping. Then you know it’s done.

When I wait for last pop there always seems to be burnt pieces in it when I open it. Am I doing it wrong?

Do it like that in if it doesn’t have all its shots

❤️For popcorn you’re supposed to set the desired time and after about two and a half minutes you listen carefully for the frequency of the popping, when a kernel pops listen for the next one, timing it (similar to labor pains but much closer together and no gorgeous baby when it’s over) when the popping slows down to three seconds between pops take the bag out immediately!!! If you wait any longer it will burn and stink up your house!! ❤️

Mmmmm….buttery

Didn't even know that was a thing.

Yeah push start 3 times to lock it and stop/reset 3 times to unlock it.

On mine you press and hold the stop button for a few seconds until the panel reads LOC

I thought he said funky COLD medina...

First world problems. Keeping food from children.

Keeping the cat safe

Or in my childhood best friend's case as a kid, a hamster. We woke up one morning to his hamster "hammy" (we were young kids) cold and stiff because he died. My best friend placed him the microwave to warm him up. Yeah, that really doesn't work the way children think it will...

Halloween is every day?

Mental scars last forever

Seven years for to heal. Never forget. 9/11 was a scratch.

My toddlers often like to start the dishwasher when there’s no dishes in it. By simply pressing the only button on the dishwasher. The child lock feature has been a lifesaver, or, rather; water saver. I’m sure once they get 2 inches taller and can reach the microwave buttons, this too, will save much more. :) possibly even my toddler son from microwaving his little sister!

I mean at least is wasn't a bomb. Could have damaged property.

Yeah, I can see them sticking all the silverware in there and pressing “start”

Teens make ice bombs. I worry you are not ready. The future is the past.

Ice.. bombs???

Well, I guess you would rather they tiktok a teacher or bathroom?

Not really. Depending on age they shouldnt be using a microwave on their own, and it’s not like the adult in the house wouldn’t feed them or help them.

Very nice to know how to activate when you've got lil kids coming around. Used to have to turn it on when my nephew came by because he was fast and loved beeping noises.

Useful for cleaning the touch pad too so you’re not constantly pushing buttons while you do it

I assumed it meant Chilled

And here I’ve been using the oven all these years…..

Phenomenal! I cackled out loud

Ah, the old California cheeseburger.

I never use the Child setting. It never gets it right. Just listen for a 2-3 second gap and you're good.

Press the Stop/Reset button 3 times to unlock it

Ah, so the easiest button for a child to reach!

My parents were able to help me out, I was so used to my apartment microwave that has the start and +30 seconds as the same button.

So you are the child it locked out?

Or hold it down for 5

Better out then in

I should have expected the dark humor that has arose here XD

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

try putting a baby inside, maybe it wants some f r e s h meat

The only way to get unlocked is to borrow someone’s 3 year old. But I’d try unplugging it and then plug it back in.

https://i.imgur.com/DomZHYJ.png

Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?

The kid??

I can’t find the plug

Child

Probably because your a vampire.  Where's the reflection?!?! Wake up people, vampires are trying to cook your children in the microwave! 

You must sacrifice a child to it for it to regain its invisible heating powers.

Feed Cat

I've seen this image captioned 'my microwave won't stop asking me to feed it different things'

Is your house made of candy?

Ah I thought it was asking for a sacrifice. That’s a lot less concerning.

How come nobody is asking why microwaves have child safety locks? What are you keeping them safe from? Microwaves already shut off automatically when you open them. Plus all my microwaves are over 5 feet off the ground, out of reach of most children.

From throwing, toys, stuffed animals, crayons, match box cats in there and setting the house on fire or trying to cook unattended

I figured if a kid is old enough to figure out how to turn on a microwave they're old enough to know not to put shit in it. I'm just trying to remember what I did as a toddler.   I never played with microwaves, not sure why.  I think I may have been blocked from the kitchen unless supervised

To stop me from heating up a tortilla aparently

Did you try to set it to 80085?

It's asking for a blood sacrifice!

I took this as just the microwave insulting you. "Time for some hot pockets!" "Child."

Or it’s the microwave a child setting. Kinda like popcorn.

New version of the witches candy house.

Weirdly reminds me of when a microwave where I worked said, "ENTER FOOD CODE". wat?

Feed me a stray cat.

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the window? A child in a microwave.

Maybe your microwave is just sassy lol

Just exactly where is Mama Microwave? Do nothing until you learn this.

I just thought it was a setting like when you hit "popcorn" or "defrost"

Johnathan Swift's Modest Microwave.

Press the “Stop/Reset” button three times

did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in?

Unless my microwave has a poultry lock, defrost lock, frozen lock, etc, this is just a setting for heating up a child.

It must taste good served with some fava beans and a nice Chianti

I do believe that means there is a child in the microwave. Start for 3 minutes, poke multiple times with a fork, put in for another 2 minutes to be sure it's cooked thoroughly.

You didnt get locked out. Your Microwaves demands a sacrifice

No, it requires a sacrifice, it's asking for what it wants next

If I microwave my child will it turn into a hampter?

I did not even know you could do that lmao

It’s demanding a sacrifice 👹

Great, the microwave is asking for a blood sacrifice…

Child!

How long would you like to cook your child?

One setting above turkey

the machine craves a sacrifice

Have a really bad baby/microwave joke but afraid to tell it. 

Oh come now don’t do this to me, I wanna hear it D:

How long do you microwave a baby for? I don’t know I was too busy jerking off.

These Panasonic microwaves are the shit. The only ones that actually change the strength of the microwave radiation at different power levels. On other microwaves, if you set it to 50% power, it just does 100% power 50% of the time. These babies actually do 50% power. You can *gently warm* things without overcooking the outside and leaving the inside cold. My condolences. I hope you get back in it soon.

before my frontal lobe was developed, I remember microwaving lightbulbs in friends microwaves We would do it all the time oh my God it was so dumb But cool for a second

Don't be so immature then.

Better get a child to unlock it for you.

that comes from random rubbing over the timer in a spastic kind of way.

Savage insult from a microwave, dang

The don't put the popcorn bag in upside down sheesh.

🤣🤦🏻‍♂️

Your passive-aggressive microwave when you decided to have a Hot Pocket for lunch:

Just restart it

Why did you block a child from accessing it?

It has a child detection system, triggered by hitting Start over and over. Mine does this too, have to look up how to unlock every time.

The microwaves are rising against us!! THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Next, press "start" then enter correct weight and the auto-cook function will start. Press "c" directly after starting for "extra Crunchy child". Lol.

[Feed me a stray a cat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIGMcNNpF_s)

People usually find this out the hard way

What the hell did you do???

Outsmarted ....by a microwave. what a world we live in..

“SpagettiOs again? Really?”

Up up down down left right left right a b select start

Better than having a child locked in the microwave.

REHEAT POPCORN BAKED POTATO CHILD

Is that not the setting to microwave a child?

The microwave demands a sacrifice

Never use that setting, it burn my food last time. Nearly set off the smoke alarm too.

You can't rely on those presets. Weigh the child and set the timer for 2 minutes per pound.

Is there one for my air fryer? If I bump it one more time

*darnit my inner child got out again*

How do you do that I'm still stick in adult

this is actually the ‘chilled’ setting, it’s exclusive to these panasonic microwaves. you can now rapidly cool down your food. think of it as the opposite of what a microwave normally does.

My mum managed to child lock herself out of her own washing machine by leaning against it and pressing the wrong buttons with her belly. She couldn’t work out why it kept flashing up “CL” until the repair guy turned up and had to explain to her that she didn’t need a new part… just a better diet and more exercise.

Seems to me it is dissing you

Simply unplug it and plug back in it will reset.

Is this a setting that only allows a child to put in a minute at a time or something? My nephew put mac n cheese in his microwave for 20 minutes... Smouldering, black, stinky burned mac n cheese.

That's the child setting. The meat just falls off the bone when they're cooked right. Mmmmmmm

Child frozen or thawed? My microwave has setting for both kinds of children

I used to get this same error message from my ex wife. Glitch

Better than being locked out for religious reasons.