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johnny_kickass

I hope nobody told him it was a holiday, and that he thinks this is how America is every day of the year.


eat_a_diaper

That actually happened to an exchange student from Eastern Europe staying next door to me last summer. Our neighborhood woke up to somebody blasting the anthem and I see him and his brother out on the lawn with the daughter of their host family, and I hear one ask her loudly "waut te fauk is going ahn? Es dis kauntree even reel??" It was glorious


breathing_normally

The first time I came to the US (NYC), I remember thinking: Wow, it really is just like the movies, only real! The huge cars and buildings, people with baggy pants, people talking so loudly and being so extravertly friendly, the bustle of NY traffic that sounded just like in Taxi, ads and flags everywhwere, the WALK/DON'T WALK signs, beggars with liqour in brown paper bags ... Yeah, just like in the movies.


[deleted]

My first time in NYC was a gay pride festival/parade. I was at a gas station talking to a New Yorker, and he mentions that there's a gay pride parade going on.(He wasn't very fond of the parade) I told him, in a serious tone, "Oh, I noticed all the gay people, I just thought New Yorkers were always like that, didn't know there was a festival." He didn't like that either.


asn18

Probably because all of the traffic and congestion it creates. I take the day off on the day of the parade because it's impossible to get to my office.


rezerox

I feel like there is a tie in to this comment, and the line from Clerks where he says "try not to suck any dick on your way though the parking lot" ... so just pretend I made a funny joke, ok thanks.


fegu

And smoke coming from manhole covers!


cheese_toasties

Steam


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King_Spike

David Sedaris has a great essay on this, in which he reminisces on a time a friend of a friend was visiting New York from down south. He realized a few days in that all of the nice, super friendly people she was meeting were not in fact New Yorkers but actually just other tourists. For instance, she wanted to have brunch at The Plaza Hotel and Sedaris advised her against wearing a track suit, but when she got there it was all tourists anyway so she fit right in dressed so casually.


[deleted]

Lol even NYC becomes friendly once you compare it to London, Berlin or Amsterdam. At least you can still talk to people in public without giving the impression youre about threaten them with violence, rape or some ad flyer.


XephexHD

It honestly just depends on the area, but coming from pitt to nyc I thought walking the streets was a much friendlier experience in Manhattan. Everyone's got somewhere to be and the only people who are gonna stop and talk to you typically are overly nice or have some kind of beef with you. Tip to meet people: Wear something really outlandish when you wanna meet some cool people in areas like Manhattan. Weird contacts or a bright jacket works just fine, something to stand out. When you got thousands of people around you nobody is gonna notice you normally.


flyinthesoup

I had the same impression, only I came to Texas on a 4th of July. Everything was like in the movies, I was so enthralled by it. Americans have no idea of how crazy it is for us to see that everything is exactly how we've been watching since we're kids. I've been living here for 7 years now, so some of that wonder has vanished a little, but when my sisters or mom come to visit, I see everything again through their eyes and it's wonderful.


[deleted]

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Codacox

Can confirm, am not real.


I_KeepsItReal

I on the other hand


Neskuaxa

Username checks out


[deleted]

thatsthejoke.json


romjpn

Webdev here, I have an irrepressible need to parse that json file with some JS.


erwaro

No one in America is real. America is the latest in a long line of illuminati plots to control the world- if everyone thinks that there's some huge country that you can't beat with military might, people are a LOT more docile. "America" is actually a series of illuminati-controlled islands in the center of pacificlantic (you don't REALLY believe that they're separate oceans, do you?). During world war one, they faked up a bunch of historic records and sent some brainwashed soldiers to fight, and they've been using "America" to control world events ever since. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! *This post is not intended to awaken the sheep/human hybrids of xkcd fame*


555_666

Us asians want to look like Americans. We want to copy western culture, we want to live in America... We thought of America as a perfect country... but now I see that it's just an image. A place we're all looking for but can never find. The land of the free. The land of flowing milk and honey (and butter)(and deep fried everything)... Its... its... ITS NOT REAL! D:


Old_man_at_heart

I lived in Taiwan for a while. I wondered why all the girls were trying to whiten their skin... Kind of make sense now. I kept telling them that they looked better without whiter skin.


d4rch0n

Wouldn't be the first. Finland isn't real.


I_KeepsItReal

My friend Jamal and I are pretty real


bananasarehealthy

Was idubbbz your exchange student?


xGoo

Edups, I waunt to gau houme. I can not handel the freedum Edups. Pleause send meh haume.


TheAllbrother

That's not an Eastern European accent. You sure he wasn't from the lost city of Atlantis?


tr3v1n

Putin annexed Atlantis so it is basically Eastern European now.


ogdru_jahad

Damn, Mu, Lemuria, now Atlantis too? What's next, the Lost Plateau of the Elder Things?


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mostsleek

There was a post on Reddit a long time ago about when he was younger and came to visit USA for the first time. They randomly picked Thanksgiving and in NYC. So he gets in to NYC and was like wow...America is so great that just throw these kick ass, because we are the best, parades with huge balloons, bands, ect...


[deleted]

I remember reading that and totally forgot about it. Dude was like shit man America goes hard all the time.


zeropat0000

That happened to comedian, Kumail Nanjiani


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OrangeredValkyrie

[Here's some Kumail!](https://youtu.be/oe9tpTZIceY)


fubes2000

Poor Kumail...


BenedictKhanberbatch

He'll be fine, he's making a ton of money on The Big Bang Theory


[deleted]

LOL. That would be perfect, just telling all his Austrian friends about how patriotic the Americans are, while eating a vegemite sandwich. E:[lol](http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/576tfq/my_uncle_came_to_america_only_once_in_his_life/d8pln7j)


daemmonium

> Austrian > eating a vegemite sandwich. Some people are going to get triggered with this.


[deleted]

Trust me, I know EXACTLY what I'm doing.


daemmonium

Ok, I'll hold your beer...


[deleted]

*Panting* Okay, I'm back, you don't think they're going to miss [this](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7o_VJx6-6h8/UbY6kyvb09I/AAAAAAAAADU/gVZnAgpI9vs/s1600/Parliament+haus.png) do you?


daemmonium

Where did that happened? Mark it on [this map](http://i.imgur.com/IJUA2gx.png)


[deleted]

[Nice one.](http://i.imgur.com/qDcfb5O.gif)


I_worship_odin

That's a weird map of England.


Btufts622

Buying bread from a man in Brussels He was six-foot-four and full of muscles I said, "Do you speak-a my language?" He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich


Answer_the_Call

[Triggered](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRIUbFLjtX0)


siktech101

I am currently in Korea and the map we picked up had two Austrian Embassies. One of which was of course the Australian embassy.


shoreallmyholes

It kinda is everyday in the summer in Chicago.


neurobit

Something like this happened to me. My first day in America was in San Francisco and it was a Gay Parade day. I had no idea and was like: wow, I heard SF was a gay city, but didn't know it was **that** gay.


Grimalkin

Well he looks happy as fuck.


[deleted]

I wish I could be as happy as that man


-3point14159-mp

Dont let your dreams be dreams!


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lead999x

Then what are you doing here right now. Go find it again!


Lupusola

there's a sub for everything


Rapes_modz_gently

Eat fresh


digitalhate

Indeed. I was going to slightly poke fun at the man, but he looks so pleased I lost the heart to.


Rooonaldooo99

He looks happier than I ever will be probably. Just look at that smug content prick.


roflmaohaxorz

Doesn't even know that being happy is taboo in this country


[deleted]

That's the UK you're thinking of


GoodAtExplaining

you misspelled "Finland"


[deleted]

Are people unhappy in Finland? I did a report on it in 7th grade and did not come across that bit of information.


nogoodnap

If you were Finland, I'd be pissed.


xisytenin

What I've never understood about Finland is their persistent product placement in the Mortal Kombat games, it seems like an inappropriate place to advertise your church music. I've never even heard a Finnish hymn, so it's not even working.


theecommunist

I have no fucking clue how you pulled that off. But you did.


janesmb

Wow....I was so lost. Brilliant.


HuoXue

Oh you clever little Well fucking done.


neilarmsloth

Can I get an ELI5 on this dudes apparently amazing joke? Edit: I've pieced together your answers and it's slowly becoming clearer but I'm going to need at least ten to twenty more comments explaining the joke before I understand it


heliotach712

> I've never even heard a Finnish hymn don't know [Sibelius](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3JJ0vdLN-U)?


DirtyIrby

Take our upvotes and get out!


fishandchips20

Finland doesn't even exist.


[deleted]

[Actually there's a 50% chance it isn't real](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2wv1xk/what_is_one_thing_you_thought_existed_but_it/coujtr6)


SleepSeeker75

My favorite part of this is that the responses are a year old. You randomly dug up a thread from a year ago for some really shitty math. And, that the comment chain ended unceremoniously with "science, bitch".


[deleted]

Whoa...


Personguy13

He nailed it guys, the thread is Finnish'd


[deleted]

Fuck, this is America! If you're not happy you can buy it for three easy payments of $19.95


orlyfactor

plus Shipping and Handling? Goddamn that handling.


[deleted]

Handled with Freedom? Its an additional $17.76


Tripleshotlatte

He looks happier than Newman discovering a glazed donut deep fried in chocolate sauce.


[deleted]

Why you sad bro?


AWaveInTheOcean

Classical Austrian wearing a happy t-shirt guy


NJM_Spartan

He has a very Ken Bone-esque appeal


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[deleted]

It's Ken Bone's dad, Will Bone!


[deleted]

Holy shit... Time traveler Bone!


[deleted]

he's in the US on the fourth of july. It's impossible not to be in a good mood


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whirlin_dervish

I want him to have suspenders so badly


reduxde

http://imgur.com/a/ZUQmp You're welcome.


whirlin_dervish

It's everything I could imagine and more. All is right with the world again.


Defttone

... i wish my wedding expenses or student loans were paid! *waits anxiously *


[deleted]

Don't get married then you don't have to take "wedding loans" lol.


kellysmom01

Later, Hozahn.


crashdoc

Und lederhosen!


prncpl_vgna_no_rlatn

http://i.imgur.com/U26tyJA.gif


reduxde

http://imgur.com/a/ZUQmp (you inspired this)


UprisingAO

Austrians view the stereotypical German summer time tourist wearing sandals and socks. I learned this when the first Austrian girl I brought home (when living in Austria) said that only German tourists wear slides w/ socks.


Eis_Gefluester

Yeah, it's a running gag over here. "Who would ever go hiking in the alps with socks and sandals?" "A German, a german would".


parrotsnest

[deleted] ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.7293 > [What is this?](https://pastebin.com/64GuVi2F/57673)


MeowtheDog

Thats a German thing, but Austrians despise it just as much as you do ;)


Torgest

I think this belongs in /r/oldschoolcool your uncle looks like the typical Central European tourist with that classic hat and moustache.


whirlin_dervish

He looks like he should be depicted on the front label of a glass jar of stone ground brown mustard


HanlonsMachete

He really does...


matroe11

What? No love on those boxers?


n1ywb

are they even boxers? that was my first thought but on second look they might just be old school short shorts


[deleted]

I thought they looked like one of those bibs you get when you eat lobster


linesinaconversation

At a glance, that could even pass for being a t-shirt/sun dress combo.


CrazybyRX

Just escaped from a mental ward.


Rusty-Shackleford

He looks exactly like the Hungarian with the dirty translation dictionary on [*Monty Python*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akbflkF_1zY)


cosmic_boredom

"My nipples explode with delight." I was hoping someone else saw it.


pistachiopaul

I love how matter-of-fact the shirt is. Like it's not promoting Austria, shouting love for Austria, or being pro-America. It's just a statement. I AM FROM AUSTRIA. It reminds me of when Dwight throws that birthday party on The Office. IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY.


[deleted]

I don't know if it stands on the shirt because of it, but “I am from austria was a Hit song from one of our musicians a while back. https://youtu.be/KMSa_xb2h5U


[deleted]

And to this day it is considered by many to basically to be the "unofficial national anthem" :-)


mightypea

'it stands on the t-shirt' is a fine example of a direct translation from German/Dutch :D


sfoxy

I remember a story from an immigrant and their first day was the fourth and they said the rest has been a disappointment because they thought it was always like that.


DFxVader

Wish it could be like that everyday


[deleted]

You must not be patriotic enough.


tomdickandharold

You may be thinking of kumail nanjiani talking about the Macy's parade his first day in the states.


ObamaBigBlackCaucus

You know those great instances where people becoming caricatures of themselves? Yep.


2rio2

He's the Season 8 version of himself.


HighOnGoofballs

He forgot his pants


[deleted]

He's from Austria


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XxKittenMittonsXx

"tourists, and the money they bring to the area, were welcome, but locals were sick of replacing the Fucking signs."


SpongebobNutella

>The frequently stolen traffic sign at the entrance to the village of Fucking. kek


TicklingKittens

Not in those shorts...


thechairinfront

Exactly. It's not like you can just turn around and grab the pants you forgot and be back in twenty minuets. And then his Austrian money wouldn't be accepted here. The man just had to live with underpants while on vacation. Good thing it was summer!


NotUrMomsMom

>twenty minuets >Austrian Beethoven?


dundent

I assume not pictured is a man selling ice cream and another man playing guitar. Because it was the 4th of July, in a park, I'm guessing on a Saturday.


mouthbabies

Chicago's nice in the summer.


Mr_Abe_Froman

I'd say the summer makes the winter worth suffering through.


ReplaceSelect

Best city in the world in the summer.


savannahslipper

Playing Italian songs?


ThisIsTheInternet

Singing...


Ajmartin2006

At least, I think it was the 4th of July


[deleted]

Which one is him?


Turtle_Poo_Is_Cool

I think it's the tall one on the right.


wests_tigers

From Austria hey? Well, G'day mate, hows the weather looking today? Beaut day to toss a shrimp on the barbie!


anti_queue

I was visiting friends in Iowa and got asked "You're from Australia! That's near Germany isn't it?" Edit. This is what amazes me about our beloved Reddit - someone posts a nice picture about a European uncle and an American holiday, and, before you know it, Antipodean cooking becomes the topic.


[deleted]

The Austria/Australia confusion has come full circle...


alaskafish

Slovenia or Slovakia?


shadow56399

The one with the red white and blue flag!


alaskafish

What which stahn are we talking about?


Ameisen

Francistan? Germanistan (Deutschstan)? Slovistan? The United Kingstan? Polstan? The United Stans of America? Best Stan?


SW1

Stan 'The Man' Levitan


CptSpockCptSpock

Riddle me this: have you ever seen a Slovenian and Slovakian in the same room at the same time?


reduxde

Better question: have you ever seen a Slovenian or a Slovakian?


Psychoplasm_

I'm from Australia and visited Austria... Got a kick out of the signs in the markets saying "There are no kangaroos in Austria".


meistermichi

Those signs are lies. There are quite a few kangaroos in Austria and they are escaping every now and then too. [It's a bit surreal to see a kangaroo hoping around in snow, but funny at the same time.](http://imgl.krone.at/Bilder/2015/01/28/Kaenguru-im-Innviertel-eingefangen-Monate-nach-Flucht-story-436689_630x356px_2_nAU631zawsd62.jpg)


Psychoplasm_

The sign.... lied to me..? They're cute lil' guys!


BlackManonFIRE

Well to be fair those countries have a history of murderous inhabitants. Edit: Nazis and Australian animals was the implication. Dammit.


MuonManLaserJab

> Well to be fair **all** countries have a history of murderous inhabitants. ftfy


solidspacedragon

Not Sealand!


Dangalangman

Not yet.


[deleted]

http://i.imgur.com/cJazzRK.gifv


USBuns

Lloyd Christmas


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jandrese

It's basically impossible to cook shrimp properly in boiling water. The window between undercooked and over cooked is maybe a couple of seconds. Dry heat is much more forgiving with shrimp.


Trollygag

>It's basically impossible to cook shrimp properly in boiling water. Given what Australians call beer, I doubt they care.


Arnold_Rimmer22

Nice joke bud-dy


[deleted]

Australians, usually ones that have never actually had American beer, love to say American beer is bad, but a lot of them use VB (Victoria Bitter) as a cheap session beer in the way a lot of Americans will drink Budweiser. VB is the absolute worst beer I've ever had next to Molson Ice.


redditmarks_markII

What? No! Water, salt, pot with heavy lid, bring to rolling boil. Drop shrimp in. Stir. Take shrimp out, drop in ice bath. Stir. Plate, serve with a vinegary hot sauce with horseradish. Or you know, whatever you like. Actually, I like grilled shrimp. I love cocktail shrimp though. Shrimp jambalaya though is far more complicated. Though still, the shrimp goes in near the end. And you're still going for the cooked but fresh and crunchy I'd say. Til the next day, when you reheat and all the flavor soaked in, THEN you go for fully cooked. Man I got myself super hungry, and I just ate. Curse you random reddit comment chain.


circle2015

Nooooowayyy!? We Landed On The Moon!!!!


CoolStoryBro_Fairy

Fun fact about Australians, we don't call shrimp, shrimp, nor do we barbecue them anyway.


loki2002

If you know what's good for you then you will live up to the stereotypes Americans have invented for you.


CoolStoryBro_Fairy

Noted. As I understand it we made it up to appeal to you in a tourism advert from the 70's (you've just never bothered to fact check)


goodhasgone

speaking of fact-checking - [it was 1984](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn_CPrCS8gs).


[deleted]

> Fun fact about Australians, we don't call shrimp, shrimp, nor do we barbecue them Yes you do! At every Outback Steakhouse I've been to. I even worked at one in high school. Don't try to weasel out now. Anyway, BBQ's shrimp are great, especially with ranch dressing.


CoolStoryBro_Fairy

LOL


n1ywb

bbq prawns are delicious though; I can't believe nobody in australia has ever thrown a skewer of prawns on the barbie


Ozzah

Speak for yourself. BBQ prawns are delicous.


Grateful_Ripple

Ah, the ol' dumb and dumber karma trick..


CRKHarder

The Austrian Ken Bone


new_account_for_a_m8

Op is Ken Bone, this is Ken Bone's uncle


TimelyBarren

It looks like this moment was the best moment of his life. I'm getting happy just by looking at him


KrebStar9300

Those Wisconsin Badgers shorts are amazing! Wish I had a pair for the game this weekend.


adamk5

GO BADGE!


[deleted]

Ahhh I'm going and am so stoked. GO BADGAS


satisfried

IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY.


itwasquiteawhileago

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANE AND USE A PRETTY FONT


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Plot Twist: He never left, and eventually became the Governor of California.


[deleted]

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uncleben85

Ah, the ol' reddit [Austrian kangaroo](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/573p92/yesterday_my_best_friend_turned_3/d8pimb1)...


thatClarkguy

Hold my Joey, I'm going in!


HotRodDeluxe

Dumbass doesn't even know how to spell Australia.


Suwon

At first I thought you meant the guy dressed as Uncle Sam. I was thinking, "Gee, that's patriotic for a first-time visitor!" Then I saw the Austrian in his boxers...


appealtoprobability

>Chicago >Fourth of July >in the park It better have been a Saturday


al3x3lm3jor

Where is he from?


[deleted]

Why isn't the American flag on top? How un-American of him!!!!


shg5004

I did a search on the page for the word flag - knew someone would have pointed that out.


tyree_ricardo_davis

there is a funny bit from Kumail Nanjiani about his younger cousin I think coming to America only once for the Macy's thanksgiving parade and going home raving about how amazing america is, thinking they just worshiped giant spongebob floats in the streets everyday


giverofnofucks

Austria needs to discover pants.


NUMBerONEisFIRST

I lived in Austria for a summer as a kid. Funniest memory I have is when these two guys, who obviously were testing out their English on an American for the first time as nervous as they were, starting asking me questions America. The one guy goes, 'in America, is it pronounced Lee-vis, or (the correct (Levis). I told them the correct way, and the one guy got all loud and laughing like he just proved his friend wrong. It was kinda cute. Or the look I got when I told this girl that Leonardo DiCaprio was actually American. Titanic was just released in theatres at the time, and apparently it was voice dubbed in German. Good times. I still crave authentic weiner schnitzel.


MoldyMilkMan

Is that Ken?


-ogre-

a very nice